July 31, 2005
morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two
best friends, Daryl and Robert. The three men had always done everything
together, golfing constantly at their club.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him
over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, that ain't
Fred." The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Robert in to identify the body. Robert took a look at
the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The
mortician rolled him over and Robert said, "No, it ain't Fred." The
mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Robert said, "Well, Fred had two assholes." "What? He had two
assholes?!" said the mortician. Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes.
Every time we went into the clubhouse, folks would say, "Here comes Fred
with them two assholes.
July 30, 2005
RULES TO ENTER INDIANA
Applies to each person as they enter Indiana.
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust
on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle, hog, chicken and turkey farms. That's what they smell
like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-69 and
I-65 run North and South, I-64 and I-70 run East and West. Pick one.
4. So you have a $50,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that
are driven only 6 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to
understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a herd of deer is coming in, we WILL shoot
it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & bluegill. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday and a good excuse to take off of work.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. Yes, there are "vegetarian specials" on the menu. We're not in the stone
age! Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & bacon.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables,
and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,
drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Basketball is as law here. It is more important
here than the Lakers and the Knicks, and a sight more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks
15. Colleges? University of Indiana, Purdue, Notre Dame and Ball State. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. Indiana is the crossroad of America. If you're from the East or West
coast, you're more than welcome to stop and visit a while, but leave your
liberal ideas at the state line. You will soon find out that Hoosiers are a
hard working, God-fearing people and we sure don't need advice on how to live
July 29, 2005
This is just sick. I have coached youth baseball for a number of years. On every team, at every level, you have kids who are better than others. You have a responsibility, a challenge, as a coach to make each player improve. That is the definition of coach -- to give instruction.
We all like to win. I manage or helped coach three different youth baseball teams this summer. One of my teams, at the local Boys Club, was made up of those players who lacked the funds, the skills, or the motivation to play in the local Babe Ruth League. The Boys Club league is played primarily as an outlet for kids to have something to do in the summer. It is a rec league played for fun. We still like to win. This year my team had 7 players (out of 12) who had NEVER played before. The Bad News Bears made some of these guys look good. We worked hard, by the end of the season EVERY kid on the team could hit the ball. Most improved in their fielding. All understood the rules of the game. Did I let them play shortstop and first base? Only when we were way ahead or way behind. Hopefully all had a good experience and want to play again next year.
I am just as concerned about the coach's defense that he was offering the kids money to hit a line drive at the umpire. Sweet guy. How he was ever allowed to coach for more than one inning is beyond me.
I do not believe it to be true in this case, but parents have to also know their children's limitations. I remember a few years ago parents suing a soccer league because the league would not let their boy play because he needed a walker. That situation was dangerous for all the children involved. Sometimes, a parent must face the fact that their children are unable to do the activities that other children can.
I have often opined that any idiot that can read, can prepare a meal. It is not hard to follow a recipe. My wife and daughter disagree. I maintain there is a big difference in preparing food and cooking. I can go to a restaurant, come home and come close to preparing an identical dish. Not always on the first try, but through trial and error. I have to admit that I rarely measure ingredients, I go by smell and taste -- except when baking
I am able to prepare some pretty sophisticated meals, given time and money. That is not my preference. I would rather make simple foods good, rather than extravagant presentations. We do not garnish at my house, though I can and do on occasion. I used to spend a lot of time watching the food network. With the exception of the lady from Savannah, Paula something, most of the cooks prepared food I nor my family would ever eat.
There is a trend in fancy restaurants to "peasant cooking", simple rustic meals. That is what I like, beef and noodles, pot roast, hamburgers, grilled chicken. The food of real Americans. Foods like salmon patties and fried chicken. I would put my fried chicken against the Colonel anytime. I would win.
I have to agree with this guy, purple mashed potatoes are great for shock value, but they really do not taste different. Corn salsa, is that necessary?
That's just stupid. Art shouldn't be all brains and no feeling. And food that tastes good is more important than food that's merely creative. And improving conventional foods IS creative. If we were really ready to give up working on conventional food, it would be because the conventional food we make was so good, there was no point in continuing to fool with it. But it isn't. After hundreds of years of trying, people still make bad biscuits. That tells you we have no compelling reason to grind up sea urchins and spread them on liver ravioli.
Tonight we will have ham steak cooked in brown sugar and the syrup from the can of pineapple. I will make some homemade mac and cheese, slice a couple of fresh tomatoes and add boil a bit of sweet corn. I will make some biscuits. Supper will be good.
July 28, 2005
I am terrified because I know my daughter will be leaving forever. She will come home for breaks and holidays. She will spend her summers in her familiar yellow painted bedroom. However, she will be gone. After college, she will move out and be on her own working, eventually falling in love, gaining a new family in time. Never again will she look at my home in the same light, it will be a stopping point, a place to sleep, a rest stop on life’s highway. I am terrified for me, how will I get along when she is gone?
We have not always agreed. I get pretty mad at her, probably a lot less than her aggravation at me. We are so much alike, it is scary. We laugh at the same things. We are both pig headed. Both are convinced of our inherent righteousness in every matter. The biggest difference is she is beautiful and good.
I remember the day my wife found out she was pregnant. We skipped the needle on my favorite John Cougar album, jumping for joy. I remember the night she was born. I came home from the hospital, elated, exhausted, and sobered by the enormous responsibility now placed on my shoulders. I had never even held a baby prior to that night!
I remember the nights driving her in the car, mile upon mile down the country roads through the cornfields. This was the only way to get her to sleep. Have you ever smelt corn growing in the field? That scent still reminds me of my baby girl, crying in her car seat as she drifted off to her sweet dreams.
I remember the afternoons I picked her up from the babysitter. We went to the park to swing endlessly; she could never get enough. She then would sleep on my shoulder in the old recliner until my wife came home from work. My little girl’s love of spicy foods was foretold the time she ate my chili as a toddler. She ate bowl after bowl, tears streaming down her cheeks. The chili was over spiced, the result of too much beer while cooking. She loved it.
My heart was ripped apart in her early teen years, when girls can be so mean to each other. I had no way to help her. Soon new friends came along. I watched her grow into a beautiful young woman in high school: class president, scholar, and friend to all. I am sorry I rode her too hard for her grades. I did not tell her enough that I love her.
Now she is leaving for education, adventure and excitement. In a small way, I envy her: too soon will she find the burdens of bills and work, and life. I hope she has fun, stays safe, and thinks sometimes about her Daddy. I will be thinking of her.
Now we announce that troops will begin to come home in the spring of 2006 and they complain that we are leaving the people of Iraq in a bind, that they cannot police themselves. WE SHOULD NOT LEAVE. The lefties hippies claim we are only pulling out to "hurt" the peace movement.
These folks truly are booger eatin morons.
For another excellent analysis of this see this fine blog.
Making these changes is just easy enough that I am sure I will screw it up if I keep trying. This is the story of my life, give me a little control...
Anyway, I am going to leave it alone for a while now, get used to it, wiggle my ass, look at it in different light. I just might wear it to the big dance and then try and return it. Can you do that with templates?
July 27, 2005
saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: "We're
medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we
couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought.......... but you're wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought.......... but you're wrong."
So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" And the old man said:
"I thought it was a fart................. ......but I was wrong."
Last night we enjoyed hamburgers fresh from my new grill. These fine burgers were accompanied by potato salad (made myself), fresh tomatoes, cottage cheese, deviled eggs, and pasta salad. We ended with homemade ice cream as lightning flashed over the horizon and Mars twinkled above.
A perfect summer evening.
picture from Larry Kanfer Prairiescapes10 Collection
Grampapinhead reports she is preparing to badmouth our country again, traveling in protest of the war against Terrorism.
Once a traitor...
see also GOC for a great rant on this subject.
July 26, 2005
Is this true?
Will I have to start over with counters etc.?
I do not write HTML. Frankly, just publishing this drivel each day pushes my capabilities.
I also would like to put my self portrait up on my blog. I do not know how to write the html code for this, the "profile" section in blogger asks for a "url" but it is not a picture from the web. Yes, I know I am a moron about this stuff.
I appreciate any advise.
Things that make you think a little........
1 There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.
In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January.
That's just one American city..........about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.
2. When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following
FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us, Japan did.
From 1941-1945! , 450,00 0 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.
Truman finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year.
John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam "conflict" in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.
Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.
From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year.
Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us.
He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing.
Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.
3. In the four years since terrorists attacked us:
President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.
The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick killing a woman.
Wait, there's more.......................
Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living. This is a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of our military.
JOHN GLENN ON THE SENATE FLOOR
Senator Howard Metzenbaum to Senator Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?"
Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.
It wasn't my checkbook, Howard, it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank. I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men - with their mangled bodies - in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!
You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee... and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their Dads didn't hold a job.
You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags.
You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? I'll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum, you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men - SOME REAL MEN - who held REAL jobs. And they required a dedication to a purpose - and a love of country and a dedication to duty - that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible.
I HAVE held a job, Howard! What about you?"
NOTE: For those who don't remember - During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA!
Clinton is coming out with centrist positions on Terrorism as well. Suddenly she thinks we need to build the Armed Forces:
A member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, [Clinton} echoed calls from the DLC to increase the size of the military, while calling for smarter decisions on deploying forces.
I guess during her co-Presidency they set the standard by reducing our Armed Forces to a shell of the Cold war forces. The Clintons used the Armed Forces as delivery boys, waiters, and Red Cross workers. They made the Army the most politically correct branch of the service. She has a great record as a supporter of our Military. Remember, her co_president stated publicly that he "loathed the Military". Enough said.
Hillary is missing a great marketing opportunity. With all the buzz being about Harry Potter and the world of wizards and Witches, Clinton could really cash in if she would just admit what many of us already know:
She is the Queen of Witches.
Last night I took the wife, the youngest son and a friend of his to see the Indianapolis Indians. The Indians are the local AAA baseball team. They had 4 errors, gave up 13 or 14 hits and got pounded. We had good seats and had a great time, other than the locals lost. To top it off, hot dogs, popcorn, crackerjack, peanuts were all only $1.00, so it cost a lot less than expected!
We dropped the little one off at his friends to spend the night. The local Babe Ruth team was playing in the Ohio Valley Tournament, and still alive in the losers bracket. There were only 4 teams left. We drove by and saw that the game was in the 6th inning. Locals were down 3-2 when we arrived. The visiting team proceeded to knock in 4 more runs in a matter of minutes. The home team lost and are done for the season. I guess we were bad luck again.
I do not think you want me to root for your team or buy you lottery tickets until this streak ends.
July 25, 2005
July 24, 2005
school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to
say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with
hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were
a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to
speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were
terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words..... "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out.....
"Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit,
this is bull shit.... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...
The audience left howling....
July 23, 2005
On occasion I jump the electronic waves to see what other people are working on. Here is a sampling from masterchief60.blogspot:
I live on a different planet called Ariho (Pronounced Ahr- EE- ho) with the Dragons of Bloodbound.
Is this weird or what? Maybe this sounds like fun to you from damfinoblog.blogspot:
SO - Saturday, August 6th, a group will form and make their way the only way they know how. Right over to Jordan Creek 20plex for a viewing of "The Dukes of Hazzard." Shocking.. I know. But here is the catch - we are going dressed up in total hick/cowboy getup. I am in the process of getting some boots (cowboy boots... hard to get free ones and I ain't buying them) and I am frantically searching for the appropriately hick belt buckle!
There has been a lot of discussion about Ebonics as a language lately, but there is a whole new issue with language among high schoolers. This new language is the stepchild of instant messaging and text messaging. I fear that grammar and spelling will soon go the way of albums and reel to reel tapes. Here is an example from queenyazi22210.blogspot:
Im already gettin Jitters about the new school year. Sumtimes I have this vision of who i wanna be in my head but then I flake out at the last minute. It sux. But I just got new Hurleys(with palm trees on them) and a ton of cool , on sale, stuff from Abercrombie(can u say tunic) so I think im ready. well w/e. Comment all your emaressing school moments and back to school jitters, I guesse this monthe is named "jitter month". so comment plz!!
Am I the only one who thinks this is insidious and ridiculous? Help me!
Breezy, (are you called this because you are filled with hot air?)did you know that 4 out of the five states with the highest graduation rates are "red"? Are you aware that Blue States account for almost 70% of all unemployment claims? Are you aware that 8 out of the ten highest cumulative tax rates are paid by Blue States?
As for what we will be missing let us take a closer look:
85% of all farm land is in Red States. It is even more if we look by county. We have the great lakes, you get the Mississippi Delta. We have nearly 100% of the farm land, including your precious lettuce farms. We have the pigs, the cows, the chickens. We have the corn, the soybeans, the cotton, the wheat and barley. I can live without pineapples from Hawaii. We have nearly all the natural resources including oil, natural gas and coal. You would have a neat source of green energy in wind power except your hypocritical, NIMBY politicians "Swimmer" Kennedy and "I was in Vietnam" Kerry refused to let the wind power generators in.
I guess I can live on French Wine. Heck, I like beer better anyway.
I am most bothered by your view that any state not in New England or the Left Coast has anything to offer. We have quality of life, baseball and football. We have plays and symphonies. There is professional ballet company within 30 miles of my home. New York and LA are listed as two of the 30 most polluted cities in the world. I do not have to fear being murdered for 20 bucks, I am not approached by panhandlers. There are not drug needles on the street in front of my office.
We Red Staters grow your food, build your cars and appliances, make your clothes. We are the majority. You will just have to get a grip and face reality. The country no longer buys into your liberal crap.
July 22, 2005
The movie Manhattan Melodrama is playing at the Biograph theater. It is 10:40 pm, a good looking man in an expensive suit and a woman in an orange dress leave the theater...
What happens next? Do you know? Do you care? Complete the scene if you like, let me know.
And while I'm at it. The guy shot by London police didn't have a bomb on him. So what? He was being followed in the first place because of past associations with Muslimos, was wearing a heavy coat, and ran when ordered to stop by police. He committed suicide.
There is nothing I can add, except this logic is probably accurate in a great number of police shootings.
Try this thought from Hog on Ice regarding Liberals and the war on terror:
Perhaps what we need to do is leave liberals alone. We'll have strong anti-terrorism measures in the red states, and we'll let the terrorists bomb the blue states until there's no one left there to bitch.
There is just too much great stuff out there in the blog world today.
There was a epic battle last night. The lightning flashes lit the night sky like a strobe light in a disco for several hours. You could see the lightning march across the night for an hour before it arrived with a crash around 10:00. The thunder roared, the lightning was continuous and it rained in sheets for about an hour. Of course the storm was accompanied by the associated watches and warnings. In all, an awesome display of power from Mother Nature.
July 21, 2005
I think the drivers are also getting tired of it. Increasingly the drivers are asked to comment on what for any other driver would be an average performance.
Dario Franchitti distanced himself from media darling Danica Patrick on Saturday night after the Indy-car race at Nashville Superspeedway.
Franchitti didn't care that the rookie led nine laps on her way to seventh in the Firestone Indy 200.
"There were a lot of guys out there who did a better job," he said.
Franchitti singled out Patrick Carpentier
At the current moment Patrick is 11th in points. This puts her just midpoint among the 21 drivers who have started at least 8 of the 9 IRL events this year. She has 1 pole, 2 top 5 finishes and 5 top ten placings. Compare to Carpentier, who is ahead of her in points, 2 top 5s and 4 top 10s.
Maybe we should compare her to Vitor Meira, who is 7th in points and Patrick's teammate. He is number 2 in winnings this year. He has 4 top five finishes and 5 top 10s. he is using the same equipment as Patrick. Who do you think is better earning his keep at Rahal/Letterman racing? Did the headlines tout his finish at Nashville? Does anyone know where he finished?
The difference is that he has never done this:
In the World of Equal Rights as espoused by NOW and others, we would never single out a person based on their sex. We are all equal right? Can we stop the hype of a person capable of feats most of us could not do, but still, mediocre in her field?
One evening when I was in high school three of us were out having some fun. We placed a couple of dummies on the guardrail of the highway. We pissed over the overpass onto cars below. We corned passing vehicles. Pretty boring if you think about it, but welcome to life in small town mid-America in the late 70's. We were not drinking (probably because we could not get anyone to buy for us!). My buddy and I jumped into the back of the pickup (yes, more stereotype) and we were plastering oncoming cars with corn. Great fun. As usual , the driver was out of gas so we stopped to fill up. Suddenly a station wagon flies to a halt just missing the front bumper of the truck.
"Get out you motherfuckers." screams a middle aged man. "Call the fucking cops." he shouts to the station attendant. The gas man just points to the pay phone. We were just smart ass teenagers, we laughed, thinking the guy was just mixed up. If I was smart, I would have walked away. Instead, I stayed to see this asshole's problem.
A few minutes later 4 (four) cop cars show up. The lunatic is claiming we tried to kill his family! Apparently, we corned his car and it scared him so much he drove off the road. His kids were crying, his wife was trying to slink down in the seat, she was embarrassed he was such a jerk. She tried once to tell him to relax and he turned and told her to shut her damn mouth. Nice guy, this Larry.
Our parents had to call and apologize, to keep him from pressing attempted manslaughter charges. My mom called him, apologized, assured him I would be punished. This was not enough I guess. I heard her tell him, "look you stupid son of a bitch, I said I would take care of it. Shove it up your ass you little bastard." I was sure I was going to jail. The little creep pissed off my mom so much I was only lightly punished. You do not screw with my mom. I knew it, my friends knew it, and now this crybaby knew it.
Scared of a little corn.
July 20, 2005
You Know You're From Indiana When...
You drive for three hours and the scenery outside doesn't change.
There's three feet of snow on the ground and school is still in session.
You only go to the mall once a year 'cause it takes too long to get there.
While driving all you see is corn.
People still have Christmas decorations up at Easter.
You start saying to yourself "More than corn in Indiana my butt."
Anyone with a cell phone looks out of place.
Walking through Wal-Mart with two carts full of kids is normal.
Anyone with a tan is rich.
The hip hang-out place is McDonald's.
There really is more than corn in Indiana. There?s soybeans, too.
When you plan an orgy and a Euchre game breaks out.
A restaurant has an invisible wall in the non-smoking section and you believe it works.
Speeding consists of 2 miles over the speed limit.
You think you don't have to use a turn signal on your car because you don't use it on your tractor.
You build your dream house on a cornfield, and you considered it posh.
You warsh your clothes and you think George Warshington was the first president.
You're proud to be called a Hoosier, even if you don't know what one is.
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute"
Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second.
You can stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off, and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops all in the same day.
You say things like "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner".
You own a dirtbike or a ATV.
You live in a city ... and there's a cornfield in your backyard.
High school basketball game draws a bigger crowd on the weekend nights than movie theaters.
You can see at least 2 basketball hoops from your yard.
You can name every one of Bob Knight's "exploits" over the last few years.
You shop at Marsh.
Damon Bailey was your childhood hero.
The biggest question of your youth was "IU or Purdue?"
Indianapolis is the "big city".
"Getting caught by a train" is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.
People at your high school chewed tobacco.
Everyone knows who the town cop is, where he lives, and whether he is at home or on duty.
You actually know what the CART vs IRL debate is about and have taken a side.
To you, a raccoon is simply a "coon".
The vehicle of choice in your area is not a car, but a pickup.
Someone you know is BIG John Mellencamp fan.
You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival.
To you, a tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickles.
You call a green bell pepper a "mango".
Sometimes, you call the toilet the "commode" or the "stool".
In the fall, one of your favorite pranks was corning cars.
You know what FFA and 4H stand for.
You know what chip-and-seal is, and your high school was located on just such a road.
You go the county fair every night of it's week-long duration.
You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.
There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."
The last "g" is silent in any word ending in "ing."
You think the state Bird is Larry.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Indiana.
I am a firm believer that the workers and employees who run the machines and processes are paid to do their job. I believe you can be an effective manager even if you cannot run the machine. I love all things manufacturing, I took time to learn how the machines work, I asked to operators to show me how to do their jobs. I poked my head into the grinders along with the set up guys. Teach me, help me understand was my credo. I have no problem that my boss had no interest in such things, but after a year, is it too much to expect that he knew what the machines in his area did?
Let me give you an example of some bad management technique. It came time for the annual review. I was young, but I had managed salary people. He was my manager. I knew how the system worked. Their was a budget for the department and he had to split the money accordingly, or have a good reason to get more funds. I received my review: excellent or exceeds expectations in every category ( I still have a copy). He also added a detailed summation of my strengths and weaknesses as he saw them. I will say it was a fair and accurate review, we all have areas to improve.
Then he hit me with the bombshell. I was to get a 0.5% raise. He must have seen my shock, as he then explained that the department average that year was to be 5%. I was only getting a small raise because even though I was his best employee, I made more than the rest of the department and he had to bring the rest of the team into line. I explained as calmly as I could that he had just told me I was exceptional, that I could do tasks the rest of the department could NOT do. I rationalized to him that I did not care what the rest of the department made, I could be the lowest or highest paid, only my salary was important to me. He thought I was unreasonable. I could not believe he was so stupid to screw me, then tell me about it. Why didn't he say that the budget was low this year, he wanted to give me more, but couldn't? Why not say my job was reclassified and this was all he could give me? I could not believe he was screwing me and I was supposed to say thanks?
Needless to say, my motivation dipped. I quit covering his mistakes, I did what I was supposed too, but the extra work ended. No more 14 hour days, no more weekends. About six months later he and I got into a argument because I refused to discipline a coworker (he reported to the same manager, we re equal in "rank"). I said that he was the manager and it was not my role to discipline co-workers (the other guy had been there more than 25 years, he would not have listened to me). The boss said he was sick of my "attitude" that I had to do what was best for the team. He said he was going to personnel. I was sent home (I was on midnight shift at the time).
The next morning, I was summoned to HR. I was asked my side of the events. The HR Manager said not to worry. The boss was fired that day. When I quit doing his job and covering for him they had discovered he was clueless. I found out later that several of my co-workers and employees had gone to HR to support me. That makes you feel good.
This was not my worse boss. That story will be told another day.
July 19, 2005
Read this from RTG. Arabs and Mexican criminals are plotting attacks on the US. Previously I discussed the fact that nukes may have already been brought into the US from Mexico. What do we need to convince you that our border is a problem? If more than 4,000 illegals are entering the US every day, do you really think they are all just hard working folks trying to make a better life for their families?
Give me a break.
I am truely pissed about this. 1%, that must be an error. How about 0%? Something must have rubbed off when we visited California in '67.
"Do we operate under a system of equal justice under law?
Or is there one system for the average citizen
and another for the high and mighty?"
- Senator Ted Kennedy, 1973 -
Remember, cars do not kill, drunk drivers kill. RIP Mary Jo.
As long as the people of Taxichusetts continue to elect this liar, this killer, this pompous blowhard, I will have no respect for that state.
July 18, 2005
Had a nice relaxing dinner at home last night. Barbecue pork chops, corn, deviled eggs, and grilled cheese potatoes. I make these by slicing potatoes, dicing some vidalia onion, and cubing a bunch of colby cheese. Add a little salt, black and red pepper then I wrap all of this in aluminum foil and grill for about 1 hour. These are perfect with pork chops or chicken.
Saw Wedding Crashers, funny, funny. I am reading Harry Potter when I can prise it from the little one's hands. I am a little more than 1/2 done. I will let you know my review later.
July 15, 2005
It is not the policies of the US or Briton that causes these attacks. It is not Israel. It is not Christianity. It is not blue jeans, or rock and roll, or women in pants. It is not oil or pornography. Terrorists do not attack because of movies or cars or money. Civilians are not beheaded and murdered and bombed because we toppled a dictator. We are not attacked because we supported or did not support Iran, Iraq, or the Taliban. The attacks on 9/11 were not caused by American policy, or the Cold War,or Vietnam, or the Philippine War. Islam is a religion that decrees you convert or die. Again I dare anyone to prove it is not in the Koran. We are attacked because the radical believers in this religion are jealous, fearful and filled with hate.
"Annihilate the Infidels and the Polytheists! Your [Allah's] enemies are the enemies of the religion!" said Suleiman Al-Satari in a July 8 broadcast translated by Israel-based Palestinian Media Watch, or PMW.
"Allah," the cleric continued, "disperse their gathering and break up their unity, and turn on them, the evil adversities. Allah, count them and kill them to the last one, and don't leave even one."
America represents everything evil to them and we must be destroyed. Speak up, prove me wrong.
Am I the only one out there that thinks the Travelocity Gnome commercials are a huge marketing mistake? I know they are supposed to be funny, but they send a negative message about the product.
Let us examine:
The have two "travel myths". The Gnome debunks the first by recommending Travelocity. The Gnome then says the second "myth" is not true, but we find out he is wrong.
If the Gnome lies or is incorrect about myth number two, why should we believe him regarding myth number one? Seriously, where is his credibility?
Imagine that marketing meeting. "see we have this garden gnome and he is a travel expert. He is only right 50% of the time. Isn't that hilarious?"
The head of marketing should have asked "and that sells our product how?"
I will never use their service I can tell you that. Imagine that scenario in the real world. " I can promise we will never sell you a defect widget. Of course we will never ship your parts, Hahahahahahaah. Think that works?
July 14, 2005
the only way war can be ended forever is to fight together a war of peace...a war with our own selves...we need to convince ourselves that our prejudices are not worth the blood of another human.
Oh yes, the old Hippie mantra -- why can't we all just get along and love one another?". Turning the other cheek when there is a homicidal killer on the lose only gets you dead. Terrorists see that reaction as cowardice. Carter and Clinton tried that approach and we got 9/11. When your enemies do not hold life precious, that logic fails.
Then there is my old buddy Breezy whom I have debated a few times at Alli's place.
Here is a sample of her wisdom:
...bomb 'em all! Kill 'em, nuke 'em. Eradicate an entire population due to the fact that there are some radical killers in the population. I have to admit that I dont have the solution, but what is happening (and what you are calling for) is not the answer either. We started this mess A LONG TIME ago. If you do not recognize that, you are failing to look at the big picture.
It is all America's fault. Blame Bush/Hitler. The whole point of the post was that we are fighting a new kind of enemy. This is a war of culture, there is no compromise. They want YOU dead Breezy. They hate everything you stand for. America did not start this war. Do the Marine Barracks in Beirut, the USS Cole, the Achille Laro, the Hostages in Iran, the US Embassy in Tanganyika, the World Trade Center (twice)ring any bells? How are we responsible? If being the richest, freest, most generous, open minded nation on Earth offends these people so much, what are we to do? The Islamofascist will not be happy until we are living in the 8th Century as they do. Read the Koran, read Ibn Kaldun, the true faith says convert or die.
Read the linked article. These scum are targeting children. We must be prepared to go to any ends to eradicate this pest, because believe me, they are prepared to go all the way to get YOU.
Last night our 11 year old all star team finished second in the state baseball tourney. They lost because there was a totally incompetent umpire. He missed four key Calls that cost us two runs. We lost by one run. Even the opposing coach turned around and said "oh my God, that is unbelievable" after one of the calls. When your competitor thinks you are getting screwed, it must be bad.
This guy was horrible for the entire tournament, coaches from every team were complaining about his terrible calls. How do you explain to an 11 year old, that knows he was cheated, that it is OK, he played his best? We will get them next year rings a little hollow when the season is ended not by a better team, but by an umpire.
July 13, 2005
Before I begin, let me say I have no problem with women in the workplace. I also believe a particular job should pay the same regardless of your genitalia, hair color, skin color, religion, or weight. In fact I will state here and publicly one of the brightest, most effective, and smartest managers I ever worked with was a woman. It used to piss me off when she was degraded by the Euros, especially the French, who would ask me the questions instead of her (you know who you are, and you know they did this to you).
I do not get the point of Michelle Wie entering men's golf tournaments. What is she trying to prove? She is an awesome golfer. She can beat many men. So what? Most men on the PGA tour can beat just about any woman on the LPGA tour. Yes, I understand she is 14. I understand she is incredibly talented. I do not understand why she wants to enter PGA events.
If Wie were winning every event and dominating the LPGA Tour. I might understand. All athletes want competition. The last time I checked it was Sorenson who was dominating the LPGA.
If there was no LPGA, or Wie was so good, it would be different. Babe Zaharias entered PGA events because there was virtually no LPGA, and she was so dominant she needed the competition. That is not the case with Wie. What is it? Is she just a publicity hound?
I saw similar instances of the media practically wetting their pants when Danica Patrick finished 4th at Indy. OK, so what. As the media asked every driver their opinion of how Patrick ran the race at Indy, one guy summed it up well: "I don't know, I finished second, she was BEHIND me".
What is it about the media that were are celebrating mediocrity? Can someone please set me straight, 'cause I don't get it?
July 12, 2005
Sadly, I am coming to the conclusion we need to gird our loins for battle and be prepared to go all out to eliminate these cockroaches from our midst. We must adapt the attitude of our enemies, Either you are with us or against us. If you support terror, or tacitly support it by not actively trying to eradicate it, you are an enemy. This includes Germany, France, Belgium, China, Saudi Arabi, Kuwait, and Egypt. We need to adopt the attitude of the last World War when we were willing to destroy Japan city by city to end the war. Unconditional surrender was the policy of the US in the past, that should be our credo now.
If these reports are true, we need to act NOW. We must control the borders with Mexico and Canada. No longer can we afford to play politics with illegal immigration. Bush must crack down on the border, even if it costs votes for the Republican Party in future elections. He must make the hard decisions that are right for the country, NOT for politics. He may be vilified like Nixon, history may not be kind. But the US will survive. After all, Nixon was right about Hiss, and stopping the human tidal wave on our southern border is equally important.
We must send a clear and concise message to the terrorists of the world, we will hunt you down, we will kill you, we will bury you with pigs. Bin Laden et al. need to know we WILL level Medina, Mecca, Jerusalem, Baghdad, Kabul, Islamabad, Riyadh, Khartoum, and Cairo to defeat our enemies. We need to make sure our enemies know we are will to give all out effort to their destruction as we did to Hamburg, Dresden, Berlin, Tokyo, Hiroshima, and Nagasaki.
Be vigilant fellow citizens. We must protect ourselves, this is a war to the end, we will persevere.
July 11, 2005
Thanks for your patience, insightful posts will continue later in the week when I have time to catch up on work and the news of the day. The remains of Dennis is slated to hit here later today or tomorrow.
July 10, 2005
Until I start seeing these actions, I am going to believe what I read in the Koran, what I have seen in history. This is a religion that believes you convert, or die. This is a war of culture people, appeasement will not work.
July 8, 2005
Posting may be light over the next couple of days as we are going to Southern Indiana for the next round of baseball tournaments. The boys are really excited to stay in a hotel. I hope they remember they are there for business as well as fun.
I will let you know the results.
July 7, 2005
I stayed in a hotel on Great Russell Square in my last visit to London. It is very near the British Museum, a wonderful place if you are a lover of history.
I hope we see the attitude from the British as demonstrated by their ancestors and fathers, not the run-and-cower response given by the Spanish. These Islamofascist are lower than whale shit, not fit to lick the slime from a slug's ass. They need to be hunted down and shot like the rabid dogs they are, sniping and snarling and snapping and biting at anything that comes near, running in fear through the long days. After they are killed, we should bury them in a shallow hole filled with pig blood.
As Churchill said of the Nazis, we should adopt for the terrorists in our midsts:
We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in GodÂs good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.
July 6, 2005
I may never agree with her politics, but this fine lady always tells a great story. She opens her life to us, writing with skill and sincerity.
Some of the funniest stuff on the internet can be found here. Warning this is not safe for work. These very humble bloggers are always good for a laugh.
I have to say, if you are only going to read one blog a day, it has to be this one. Go on, trust me.
Isn't this one of the "totures" we are using at Gitmo -- burning ball sack? It should be.
July 5, 2005
Well today I started a new chapter in the book of my life. I provided a friend and former colleague the address to this site. For the first time I will not be offering my daily swill to a faceless, unknown, and uncaring audience. Someone out there will know ME. They will judge accordingly. So I congratulate myself for climbing the "high dive" when I started this lowly endeavor. Now I have jumped, and I better know how to swim.
other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy
but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along
with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
I said "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!
I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on
the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked
her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
July 4, 2005
I plan to celebrate with friends, sitting around the pool, drinking a few beers and smoking a cigar or two. Will go to see the fireworks and privately thank our forefathers for this wonderful nation. Pray for our troops.
Son #2 played in the first all-star tournament of the year this weekend. We outscored our combined opponents in the tournament by 28-1. The pitchers gave up a combined 6 hits for all games. Good thing we don't play in Canal Winchester, I guess. The little one played well.
God bless the USA.
July 3, 2005
My outrage is such that I cannot even comment.
Many recent movies are cinematic turds. They are just bad movies, they are what would pass for Movie of the Week fodder 20 years ago.
It has become too expensive to go to the movies, for a family of four to Go to the flick, have popcorn and cokes, you are looking at more than $50. This is really cheap compared to metropolitan theaters in the big city.
Why pay to go to the movie, it will be on video in 2 months or so. $3 bucks and you can watch repeatedly.
People do not have manners at the theater any more. They think going to the movies IS like renting a video. They talk, comment, take cell phone calls, run around and make a total nuisance of themselves. The concept of sit and shut up and watch the movie is foreign to a generation raised with VCR and DVD players. Miss what happened? -- just rewind. Who wants to pay $6 to $10 to go to a movie that you cannot hear?
That is just a few reasons why people are going to the movies. Now one of you big studios owes me About $100 grand in consulting fees. E mail me and I will let you know where to send the check.
July 1, 2005
The founders of our great Nation were geniuses. The were far better educated than those of us who learned at the hands of public schools. Contrary to what Judges and a some liberals say, the founding documents are clear and concise in language. Each July 4th I take time to read the Declaration of Independence. It lays out the reasons and grievances that led to war with one of the Superpowers of the time. A quick study of history leads to some interesting issues. Here are some of the provocations that led to the Revolution:
One of the biggest issues was the hated Stamp Act. The King decreed that citizens had to pay a tax (or fee) for government documents and copies. Have you tried to get a building permit? Read this and think about Sam Adam's response.
The issue that sparked the conflict on April 18, 1775 was the Government trying to confiscate guns. I am sure I do not need to cite current examples.
Onerous taxes -- the "tea tax" was 4%. This sparked one of the most famous acts of civil disobedience in our history -- the "Boston Tea Party". Today approximately 40% of our pay goes to taxes of one sort or another. Chicago has just raised the sales tax to 9%.
The Government repeatedly occupied and took personal property without just compensation to the rightful owners. Turning that property to another private person only acerbates that issue. The SCOTUS just allowed the government to do just that. This abuse has been occurring long before, especially in the West, where land has been confiscated by the Feds as "wetlands".
The King forced local legislatures to accept his decisions, and laws, even when it was not in the individual colonies best interest. How does this differ from federal standards and laws that are mandated to the states? Want highway money - change the drinking age. Unfunded mandates are strangling local and state government.
The biggest grievance of the Colonies stemmed from the practice of parliament handing down laws and regulations to the Colonies with out colonial representation. Look at the "laws" issued by the IRS, EPA, OSHA and others that were never voted on by our elected representatives.
I am not calling for a revolution. We should just think, on this most important of Holidays what our Founders thought a true just and perfect Government should be. I think we have lost our way a bit, but we can right this ship.