March 25, 2005

Wingtip shoes and baseball do not go together

The lights were bright. The grass in the outfield was an intense emerald, perfectly framed by the brown dirt of the infield. It was a perfect June evening, not too hot and the humid summer having not yet arrived. Even the mosquitoes were taking the night off to watch baseball.

I was in the third base coaches box. The batter ripped a slow grounder foul down the baseline. I casually bent down and scooped up the ball. It was clearly foul by several feet. The third baseman called me an asshole and told me to leave the ball alone.

I gave him look of scorn and turned to throw the ball to the pitcher. My arm would not work right I stepped with the wrong foot and threw the ball like a schoolgirl. Everyone began to laugh. I turned to head back to the dugout and I slipped and almost fell. More laughter from the players and fans. I looked down and realized I had on my favorite pair of black wingtip shoes. The ones I wear to important sales calls. The leather soles had slipped in the dew-slick grass. The wingtips sure looked stupid with my cutoffs.
This was a terrifying dream. I think I liked the one with the oatmeal better.

March 24, 2005

Mighty Mouse lives in Utrecht!

So, we were in Utrecht, The Netherlands, Holland, whatever. We were in this little pub having a few beers. The place was dark, and a little dingy. It was off the canal, but still in the City Center. They were playing classic rock, not the techno shit you usually hear in every drinking establishment in Europe. It was a juke box, but they were set up for a band. I guess they did not play on a Tuesday night.

This fat Hoosier was having a good time. The beer was smooth and going down fast. The bartender brought over a basket of snack mix to the table with another round of beer. Everyone dived in. The basket tipped and some of the mix fell on the floor. As the evening wore on, we probably dropped more bits and crumbs onto the scratched and dented wooden floor.

At one point I moved my foot and felt something move under my shoe. As I looked down I saw a little gray mouse scurry across the floor to a dark corner near the area where the band usually played. WTF? I was not sure I was seeing things correctly.

We watched, and sure enough a few minutes later here he came again zigging and zagging across the dirty floor for another nibble at our mix. That was enough for the female member of the drinking group. We left right away. After all, there were plenty of places to drink in downtown Utrecht!

Smoked eel tastes like a big ole Slim Jim

according to the official website
Slim Jim is the unconventional snack with an exciting, distinctive
beefy taste teens love. Slim Jim's irreverent "in your face" attitude is
captured in its advertising, sponsorships and promotions. Slim Jim is available
in various flavors of meat sticks, beef jerky, beef steak and beef 'n
cheese.

Everyone loves a Slim Jim. But let me tell you something: a Slim Jim tastes just like smoked eel.

I was in a restaurant near the "red light" district in Hamburg, Germany. Lets just say it was a sales meeting, OK? We went to this wonderful place. We were seated and the host brought a bottle of cold vodka. We also ordered beer. The next thing you know the waiter brought this huge platter. He set it right in front of me. Curled up on this platter was what appeared to be a snake. It looked to be about a foot and a half long and about one inch thick. It was sliced into about three inch long sections. "WTF" I asked. I was informed it was smoked eel from the Elbe river.

We were given a little knife to cut out the backbone. I speared a piece, drank about 1/2 of my beer and took a bite. I could not believe it -- it tasted just like a giant Slim Jim. All I needed t eat it was a shot of the Vodka, a large drink of beer and a big bite!

All went well until I was urged by my colleagues to try another piece. I stuck my fork into the coils of eel and captured another section. I looked down and realized I had speared the head! That was just too much. Luckily, I slipped it back when the waiter brought more beer.

We had some great adventures that night in Hamburg. Those tales are for another time.

Have you ever eaten something unexpected?

March 23, 2005

OK

OK, now I have figured out how to post.
I think I have figured out how to link.

Now how do I get a counter to see if anyone is even reading these outstanding writings?

I don't want to waste my good stuff when no one is reading!

John Edwards is a big gasbag

I saw that assbag John Edwards on the Today Show this am. Usually when he or some other liberal opens their piehole all I hear is the whawha whawhwhaawha like the adults speak on a Charlie Brown Special.

Today, somehow I heard him actually say "... The reason we have courts is to decide public policy...". This guy is a Lawyer. Has he not read the Constitution? I am pretty sure I learned in my 9th grade civics class that the purpose of the courts was to interpret the law, NOT make public policy. Ever since the courts under that g-damn communist FDR decided that every aspect of America life could be interpreted into the Commerce Clause, we have been faced with courts making public policy. These activist judges are the bane of the American system of Government. These UNELECTED, serve for life jerks have made some of the most asinine decisions lately. Do we only consider the first nine amendments? Our founding Fathers thought that the 10th Amendment was just as important as the first. If we are not careful we will soon be ruled by an oligarchy that determines what is lawful and what is not.
In the Roman times, the Senate made the law. The Consul was the administrative head. Over time the Consul began to make emergency rulings in times of "emergency". Over time the Senate became a joke, and the Consul named himself Emperor.
Now we have the Courts making law and public policy and the moonbats think that is alright. Please we have to stop these nitwits.

Dreams

I had a wild dream last night. I was shaving. There was this bowl of oatmeal. There were these dowel rods....


ah crap, now it is fading away. That always happens to me. I have the best dreams but I can never remember them after I get awake.

March 22, 2005

I have a daughter

I have a daughter. She is 18. We are looking at colleges etc. One, if you are not very rich, very poor or a minority, you are screwed. They say anyone can go to college. Bullshit. They will take everything you save, your kid saves and you will pay that much. It does not matter what bills you have or other financial obligations. FAFSA says you can give up 28% of your income for College. Yeah, I have that right here in my wallet....



Get a second job, wait, that means you make more money. Guess what, your share is higher next year. I guess I should divorce my wife, then only her income will count. Too bad we are not a minority, over 1/2 of the scholarships my daughter has looked at require you to be a minority. Of course, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, as long it is not a white mind.

Of course you will all accuse me of being racist. I am not. Discrimination is discrimination and anytime you give someone preferential treatment because of race (hear that Michigan) it is DISCRIMINATION.

Somehow we will make sure she can go. She is bright, popular, and has a drive to succeed. She is in the top 10% of her class. She is class president. She is a winner in every aspect of life. She will make a difference. Hell, I should tell her more often, but I am proud of her!

Greetings

I have been inspired by the http://gutrumbles to try this blogging thing. I am not sure what I have to say is important, but I hope to give it a try.

I will post on whatever I care to write about. It may be political, humourous, or just boring, but you will always get my best. I may post some of my stories. I may post on historical items that interest me. It may just be crap.
One thing is for sure, I will be a link whore, so just get over it.
I hear you now. "Just who the fuck is this guy"? Well, I am a Liberaly Educated Male. I am married. I have three kids. I hate mimes. I like beer. I like baseball. I hate soccer, it is not a real game.
That is all you need to know for now.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005