April 29, 2005

Some people are too dumb to live.

The post about vacations below reminded me of a side trip I took with my family to Mammoth Cave a couple of years ago. It was late in the day and one of the last tours. The group was small, so you could quickly categorized the suspects.

There was the guy who had toured the Cave many times, and was quick to try and impress the rest of us with his knowledge, even to the point of pointing out items past tour guides had mentioned but the current one left out. I tried to stay away from this blowhard.

There was the middle aged lady with the B-52 hairdo that asked inane questions. She was harmless and seeking attention. She was only mildly annoying and the guide handled her well.

There was the rest of us, ranging from interested to bored. We asked few questions and were along only for the experience.

Finally there was THAT guy. The dumb one. He was always trying to get off the trail, go down unmarked branches, falling behind, moving ahead. He was trying to be the class clown, but really was not funny. We had to wait while he took pictures of the dumbest things like the rocks on the floor or light fixtures. A real pain in the ass. Even my kids were fed up with him inside of 10 minutes.

The highlight was when we were in the deepest part of the cave. The guide turns out the lights to demonstrate what total darkness is like. Usually, the tour is very quiet at this part because impenetrable darkness makes most people uncomfortable. Not dumbass -- as soon as he realized how dark no light can be, he was heard to exclaim "Man, I got to get a pitcher [sic] of this!". The guide tried to tell him that one, the picture will not come out, and two, he should remain still and not move. He argued that no one will believe how dark it is and he has "Jest gotta get a pitcher of this". She said again that the picture will not come out. He argued that it would; he had an automatic flash. She said the picture would look like the lighted cave. He insisted that was crazy: the lights were off. She finally asked him to hold off and she quickly turned the lights back on. He pouted the rest of the tour because she would not let him take a picture of the blackness.

Like I said, some people are just to stupid to live.
Mt. Hood from above the ski lodge Posted by Hello

Vacation, All I Ever Needed...

We all love vacations. I just returned in March from a week long vacation in Florida. It was great. That got me to thinking. If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation where would you go? Now this vacation must be for you. I would like to take my wife to Hawaii, but that is for her, so it does not count. Taking the family to Disney World would not count unless that is your dream vacation.

I would chose the following:

1. Oregon. I have been there countless times before. Now that the Portland airport is done flying in is great. While their politics leaves a bit to be desired, Portland is a beautiful city. There are great restaurants ranging from steaks at the Ringside to seafood at Salty's. The downtown is a great place to hang out and have a few drinks. The Pacific Coast is magnificent. The giant trees in the Coastal range are spectacular. I love the views of Mt Hood, Mt. Adams, and Mt. St. Helens. Most special is the Columbia River Gorge. If you have not made the trip from Portland to The Dalles, you are missing one of the wonders of nature. Travel the old highway to Multonomah Falls and take in the view. You will not be disappointed.

2. Bavaria I have been there several times, and I have not scratched the surface of what I want to see (and drink). Plus I've old friends there I want to see again.

3. Australia. I have never been there, and I want to see the land down under.

How about you? I am willing to bet that no one will choose Indiana as their dream destination.

Hoosier land Conforms, Moves to DST

History has been made. I am not sure how I feel about this, I guess Roger says it best.

As a businessman, I am pleased about this change. Customers, bosses, and coworkers from out-of-state never seem to be able to determine what time it is here in the Hoosierland.I have to keep track of all my customer's time zones and make sure I arrive on time. I have to keep track of the clock-changing even though it did not affect me. I am not convinced this will spur new economic growth or bring new businesses to Indiana. It will make life easier for those business that are here. Eliminating the warehouse tax will help spur economic growth better.

As a Hoosier, I kinda like the uniqueness of having our own time. Even Microsoft had to create a special time zone catagory for us. No matter what, my clocks were always correct. I did not have to change every clock in the house twice a year. You do not know how difficult it is to make the microwave clock and stove clock disagree by exactly 37 seconds, just to piss my wife off. "Why are those clocks nevr the same?" i have some grave concerns about the kids perpetually going to the school bus in the dark. I have issues with the sun going down at 9:30 or 10:00 in the summer.

In the end, I suspect most Hoosiers feel as I do. We really do not care. Changing the clocks is a pain in the ass, but not the end of the world. This is just another inconvenience we will have to deal with.

April 28, 2005

History Major. English Lit Minor








Your English Skills:



Grammar: 100%

Punctuation: 80%

Vocabulary: 80%

Spelling: 60%




As stated before, I cannot spell. If you read this blog you will not be surprised that I cannot punctuate. I have always been very proud of my writing and grammar skills. I once had a plant manager who brought all of his letters and business correspondence for me to rewrite for him.

Liberal Arts Education, what can I say?

I Do Not Care What You Do In the Bedroom

Let me get one fact straight before I am labeled a hate monger or bigot etc. I do not care a whit if you are Gay, Homosexual, Bi-sexual, whatever. I don't care if you are into stuffed animals, leather, or little furry kittens. I am not concerned if you like sex up, down or sideways. I have no opinion on toe suckers, butt lickers, or if you like raw hamburger in bed while you have sex. You see, IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Not understand this, there is NO "GAY" RIGHT IN THE CONSTITUTION. You are not entitled to any special consideration for you bedroom decisions. Marriage -- not in the Constitution. If you feel you are discriminated in hiring etc. Because of your bedroom activities, then do not discuss them. "But Hoosierboy, It is not right to make me stay in the closet. I have a right to express my true inner being." Bug off. I do not care.

Businesses should have the right to dictate the appearance of their employees. Do you think I would be a successful salesman if I called upon customers in an old Nike shirt and blue jeans? What if I did not shave or shower? These are the true expressions of how I want to dress on occasion. I represent my company, they have a right to make sure I uphold the image they want to project. Transvestites and cross-dressers: does anyone really think a 6'2" cross dressing salesman would be good for business? I am sure that employee would be a valuable asset for my local NAPA Auto Parts store. "Hey Jim, nice pumps, they really match that skirt. Got any of that fuel injector cleaner?" Would anyone respect your local sheriff's deputy when he pulls you over wearing a peach colored teddy?

Just because we do not pass laws giving you special treatment does not make the rest of us haters. What next? How about we protect those who love facial piercing and tattoos? I do not want some human pincushion serving my meals. If a restaurant hires the chick with the chain from her nose to her lip, I will not come back. My decision. Many would agree with me. The restaurant has a right to hire employees that meet the image criteria.

Let's be honest, any legal right marriage can provide you can provide for legally through wills and such. The only exception is the marriage penalty in your Federal Income Taxes. I am not in favor of granting any rights to individuals based on their bedroom preferences. Next thing you know I will have to tell my coworker that Yes, I approve of you marrying your poodle. Yep, that is a great picture of you two kissing. Give me a break.

Music





Your Taste in Music:


Progressive Rock: Highest Influence
80's Rock: High Influence
Classic Rock: Medium Influence
80's Pop: Low Influence
Punk: Low Influence



I love music, almost any kind. I started working as a janitor when I was 12. It was really my brother's job and he subcontracted to me. I officially took over at 13 or 14, whatever the legal age was. I used this money to buy my first stereo: a Pioneer component system. I bought the components one at a time, because I bought high quality stuff and I took a lot of money. At one time this stereo powered 4 speakers with 12 inch woofers. I could rattle the windows on the parent's house. I am sure the neighbors cursed me on summer days.

My first album was a Doobie Brothers album. I then bought some Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, Eagles, Charlie Daniels Band, Skynard, and Blue Oyster Cult. Pretty solid in the Rock genre. Then I discovered my parents Herb Albert and swing albums. Then I found their old 45's with Elvis, and Bill Haley and the Comets. I thought I had discovered something awesome and new.

Then I found one of my brother's Yes albums. Here was what I was looking for - hard rock with classical music undertones. It was like nothing I had ever heard before. The spiraling melodies each member of the band contributing equally to the crescendo of sound. Then I began listening to ELP and other progressive rock.

Today I listen mostly to what my wife calls "oldies". In my car you will find these CDs:

Yes Yessongs
Jimmy Buffet Live in Hawaii
The Rat Pack Live in Chicago
Frank Sinatra Best of Reprise
CSN the new greatest hits album -- I cannot remember the title
Jimmy Hendrix Are you Experienced
John Couger (Mellencamp) Nothing Matters and What if it Did
Tennessee Ernie Ford Civil War Music


As you can see, I still have eclectic taste in music. Notice there is no rap, and little that was recorded after 1985. There is a good reason for this -- I am convinced there has not been anything recorded in the last 20 years worth listening to. If you do not agree you are a dumbass. Give some of these artists a listen to and I am sure you will agree with me (Ok, not the Civil War stuff).

April 27, 2005

Bad Bosses, Smoking, and Other Thoughts.

I just finished a brilliant post about some bad bosses I have had, along with some amusing anecdotes to illustrate my points. When I went to save I locked up my computer. I am lazy and I have no desire to recreate my brilliant observations. Copies are NEVER as good as the original. Perhaps another day I will change my mind.


As you can see from my picture below, I occasionally enjoy a fine cigar. My mom and dad both smoked when I was growing up. So did my grandparents, my neighbors parents, my baseball coach, my scout leaders, and probably my teachers, albeit in the lounge. In short everyone smoked. I decided at about 8 I would try a cigarette myself. Of course I was not about smoke my mom's "girl" cigarettes, so I lit up one of my dad's Pall Mall reds. I cannot really say I enjoyed it. A few days later I decided it must be me, so I tried again -- still unpleasant. Sometime later that summer my brother and I came into possession of some cigars. I do not remember the hows and whys. Hey I liked this! I did not like much the ass-beating I got when dad discovered the burnt matches an cigar wrappers in the shed.

A few summers later, I still smoked an occasional cigar, but really took to chewing tobacco. I did both on and off through high school, where I mostly smoked Swisher Sweets. I moved from plug tobacco to Beech Nut Chew in College. I switched to Dutch Masters and corona Wiffs for Cigars. I tried cigarettes a few more times , usually when under the influence of beer or weed. I still did not like them.

I gave chew when I married. This remains to this day the only thing my wife has ever asked of me. I still smoke a cigar on occasion. I have moved to more expensive tastes. I like a good CAO or Punch. H Uppman remains my favorite. i like Natural leaf, or a fine Maduro. I do not like heavy bodied cigars or large ring sizes. I have smoked a few Cubans, and some are good, some not. All are over priced and over rated. I had these in Europe. I did not buy them, they were gifts. I have a very nice Ashton Cabinet set aside to enjoy for my daughter's graduation.

The last cigar I smoked was from the Drew Estates factory. It was realitively inexpensive and VERY GOOD. i would like to have one now.

Civil War Answers

Here are my answers to the Civil War Questions:

1. The war was fought over States Rights. The issue was did the Federal Government (or a majority of other States) have the right to dictate to a separate State. In truth, the entire 10th amendment was at stake, and the bloated, dictating Federal Government we have today is a result. Of course Slavery was the catalyst for the whole argument. The South was right on the issue of States Rights, But the Federal position was the more correct one in that many were fighting to save the Union.

2. False. There was a clear difference in the "Federal" states. Those from New England "Yankees" were strongly anti-slave. The "Westerners" (Ohio, Indiana, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, etc.) were interested in saving the Union. Many would not have enlisted if they thought they were freeing the slaves. There was much concern about Blacks willing to work for lower wages, taking good farmland etc. Several Illinois regiments left the field when Lincoln signed the Emancipation proclamation. There was little recruiting in the southern parts of Indiana and Illinois. In fact one Township in Shelby County Indiana actually succeeded from the Union!

3. Was Robert E. Lee a traitor to his country? Close, but no. The Southern states (including Virginia) had already succeeded. He took the extra step of resigning his commission before joining the Confederate Army. Any soldier who did not resign his commission first was, as far as I am concerned, a traitor.

4. Jefferson Davis was an active serving member of the United States Senate at the time of succession. We violated his oath of office when he participated in meetings, and discussions in Mississippi to succeed. No matter what he counseled, participating in attempts to overthrow the Government is Treason. Becoming the head of that movement is Treason. He should have resigned from the Senate, then like RE Lee, I could find a way to forgive him.

5. GH Thomas -- won the first significant battle for the Union in the War at Mill Springs (have you heard of Mill Springs?). Saved the Army at Chicamauga, and destroyed Hood and the Western Army at Nashville.

April 26, 2005

here is a hint Posted by Hello

Am I a redneck ?-- you betcha

Here is another Email I received from my Dad. I hereby credit whomever credit is due.


About those REDNECKS...........

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

You might be a redneck if:

It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You bow your head when someone prays.

You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You've never burned an American flag.

You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

God Bless the USA!

Life Is Good!

April 25, 2005

Confederate Memorial Day

The Acidman has a post about Confederate memorial Day. The Civil War is one of my favorite subjects. For many years I read only "Civil War" books, and was once a reenactor for a time. I did a Western Federal Army interpretation in one of the best reenactment groups at that time: The Mudsills. We represented the 5th Ky.

"What?" you ask, "Kentucky troops in Federal Service"? Yes, little is it known , but Kentucky voted overwhelmingly (4-1? my memory fails and I am too lazy to look it up) to remain in the Union.

I have a few trivia questions for you:

What was the major dispute between the Confederate States and the Union?

T or F most Northerners wanted to free the slaves?

Was BobbyLee a traitor to his country?

Was Jefferson Davis?

Who is my favorite General from the Civil War and What did he do?


Can you answer these five questions?
here is a self portrait of the Hoosierboy smoking a cigar Posted by Hello

USS Iowa

I am late in posting this. Go here and read the story of the 47 sailors who died on the USS Iowa when the #2 turret exploded. His words are better than I could ever write.

Bless their soles and say a prayer for their families.

Country vs city

I received this in an email today:

THOUGHT YOU COUNTRY FOLKS MIGHT LIKE THIS
LETTER FROM A FARM KID,

NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING.

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Carol


have a good day

April 23, 2005

Saturday is here

What a Friday. As you could probably tell from the last post I was in a foul mood yesterday.

I tried again to make my oldest boy understand that we can not let him have a car to go hang with his hoodlum friends because
1) He wrecked one of our cars and we do not have an extra one until it gets back from the body shop.

2) He is grounded because of his midterm grades. Little/NO effort = bad grades. This concept seems simple to me, but beyond a 16 year old's understanding.

Like most of the eastern half of the country a big storm front moved through yesterday evening -- tornado warnings, lots of hail, thunder and lightning. Copious amounts of rain fell.

Now it is cold out. It was 80 degrees on Tuesday and in the low 70's yesterday. Today the high will be in the low 40's with SNOW possible tonight. WTF? I am supposed to have baseball practice with the little one this morning. I am sure the fields will be either flooded or a muddy mess. Plus it is friggin cold. I rarely say this 'cause I love baseball, but I hope I can convince my fellow coaches to cancel.

I have to work the post prom this evening(or I should say tonight), and boy I am thrilled (can you just feel the dripping sarcasm?). Oh well, as long as the daughter has fun.

Have a good weekend.

April 22, 2005

Squashed

When I got back from lunch there was a spider sitting on my water cooler. One of those black hairy bastards. I squashed him in a Kleenex then flushed him. Good riddance I say. I hate spiders almost as much as snakes.

I have a bag of sunflower seeds on my desk and I bet that SOB was in there too, since I forgot to close it up last night. I don't care I'll eat 'em anyway. And if you need to call me today, I am not answering. I don't feel like working. I am so far behind due to lots of recent traveling, my vacation, and my grandma's funeral. I am going to try to get through my 200+ e-mails, eat some spider shit covered sunflower seeds and go home early.

Screw you if you don't like it. You can get squashed and flushed too.

This, however, makes me happy. Commie Bitch.

Have a good weekend.
This could mean the end of the Cubbies season... Posted by Hello
Could this be another disappointing year for us Cub fans?

In an email conversation with the wonderful alli we discussed the issues with our favorite team:

a lousy bullpen and not enough offense. Now Nomar is out. What else can go wrong. Sigh, we remain eternally hopeful.
You know it is spring when the girls start to show their belly buttons... Posted by Hello

things in life that just are too ironic

On the blogger dashboard it says that there is a "problem with the problem page".

what else can I add?

April 21, 2005

So long #31

I can remember the old days of the Indiana Pacers. With little effort you could get free tickets. Market Square Arena would be mostly empty, and you could almost sit anywhere you chose. Often the upper level was closed off.

The Pacers drafted Reggie Miller instead of Steve Alford. This made many fans angry. I remember scathing comments like "if the Pacers had to draft a Miller, why not Cheryl, at least she is good". Of course those fans will gladly eat their words.

#31 retired last night. He leaves us with the memories of a spring afternoon in New York when he destroyed the Nicks in 8 seconds. The great 4th quarters against the Bulls and the Nicks. The only player to increase his scoring average in the playoffs. 12th all time scorer and the third most by a guard. He is behind only MJ and the Big O. I would say he was in good company indeed.

I am sure other fans from other cities have a genuine hatred for Miller. No doubt he was a loud mouth and trash talker. By most accounts his opponents did not take it personally. In the end you do have to admire that he represents some of the good in pro sports. Current athletes could do well to look at his work ethic and commitment to his adopted city and his team.

Many others have stated the legend of Reggie Miller better than I. But thank you Reggie from a fellow Hoosier. It has been a great ride and we will miss you. Do not be a stranger.

April 20, 2005

#2 on the Google search

I am the #2 Google search when you enter the words racked skateboard. Yes, watching guys get their balls racked while trying to grind a ledge or handrails is and will always remain funny.

The Way it Outa Be

A few years ago the county I live in was forced to replace the more than 100 year old jail with a new modern facility. The conditions were too harsh in the old one. Since then the county has been sued because they cut back on smoking privileges. The taxpayers in the county were sued because the Sheriff had the nerve to feed the prisoners leftovers. The inmates have a weight room and fitness center. They have a library. They get cable TV and free health and dental care. To have these benefits for me and my family would cost over $1,000 dollars a month. Heck, if I had free access to a fitness center this blog might not be called Fat in Indiana! And is it alright if in the future we throw out our extra food, because to be honest, I am not real fond of leftovers either.

I received this as an Email today. All of this may not be true. If it is not it should be. It is time we started treating those who cannot behave by the rules of society like the criminals and outcasts that they are.
> >
> >
> >TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO - HE IS THE MARICOPA
> >COUNTY SHERIFF (ARIZONA) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.
> >
> >THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:
> >
> >Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail":
> >
> >He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates
> >for them.
> >
> >He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their
> >weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.
> >
> >He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and
> >city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get
> >sued for
> >discrimination.
> >
> >He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court
> >order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV
> >again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.
> >
> >When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how
> >hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.
> >
> >He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
> >
> >When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the
> >Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
> >
> >He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes
> >into the jails.
> >
> >When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat,
> >he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of
> >the inmates were in his jails in the first place.
> >
> >More on the Arizona Sheriff:
> >
> >With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116
> >degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About
> >2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the
> >Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their
> >government-issued pink boxer shorts.
> >
> >On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on
> >their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees
> >inside the week before.
> >
> >Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their
> >chests and dripped down to their pink socks.
> >
> >"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who
> >has lived in the tents for 1 ½ years. "It's inhumane."
> >
> >Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long
> >ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches,
> >is not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the
> >inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents
> >too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any
> >crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"
> >
> >Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there
> >would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be
> >punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for
> >their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get
> >back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't
afford
> >to
> >have for themselves.

The last one -- I promise

I have always loved history. By the time I finished sixth grade at the soon to be demolished Samuel P. Kyger Elementary School I had read every nonfiction book relating to history and every biography in the school library.

When I was around 13 or 14 my grandmother and I embarked on a tour of family history. We visited old homesteads, schools and the last resting place of every family member she knew. This tour covered the burial sites of ancestors going back to before the civil war. I heard stories of her relatives -- her grandmother arrived on the "Orphan Trains". She shared the rumors of her great uncle who, as she put it, "Liked boys a little more than girls". She was passing on a great deal of history. At that time I possessed a near photographic memory. I remembered not only every little cemetery but where in each the pertinent grave was located. I would tell myself, remember Joe, go clear to the right, all the way to the back second from last row, on the end -- Grandma Moore.

I was proud to be the designated keeper of the knowledge. Now, with the passing of my grandma, I am the only one who KNOWS. There is only one problem, I am not sure I can remember it all anymore. It has been thirty years since the great family history tour. I feel guilty on three counts:

1. I was trusted with knowledge and I was too arrogant to write it down. Instead I foolishly remember landmarks that are surely gone now.
2. I cannot remember all the information. Of course I realize that at 95, Grandma probably could not remember any of the information.
3. I do not know who I will pass the information to. My kids have no interest in history. We moved away from my hometown 16 years ago. The locations have no meaning to any of my children.


Will I have enough memory good sense at 65 to pass this knowledge to my grandchildren like my grandmother before me? Time will tell. Until then, I am sorry Grandma, but I will do my best to remember.

Read this Guy. NOW

If you are not reading this guy on a regular basis, you should. His posts are insightful and well reasoned. I nearly always agree with him, and frankly, I am jealous as I lack his talent. I will keep working on it, but to be honest, with the perfect weather we have had here in the Hoosier state for the past week or so, I just do not have the motivation to rant! I bet you will not find me writing another sentence of such complexity soon. I am a firm devotee of the Hemingway school of writing!

If this does not make you sick, I don't know what will

Read this post by the always erudite Mr. DuToit. I cannot say it better. Our Federal Tax code has gotten out of hand.

Even more outrages is the Property Tax System. Rates are set by an almost arbitrary rules and interpreted by uninterested bureaucrats

Property taxes remain was of the most widely used and yet unfair taxes in local government. Originally only property owners were allowed to vote, so a property tax was understandable. Now, those individuals who own property are punished for their success. The property tax is certainly the most progressive of our many taxes.

Finally for an understanding of how our government needs a complete review of taxes, consider the Federal Tax on your telephone. This tax was initiated to pay the burden of the Spanish American War. That was in 1898 --'nough said.

April 18, 2005

I see you got this far

This fun isn't it? Just like a scavenger hunt only instead of getting a spool of thread, you are looking for the answers to the Wednesday Quiz.

There were three clues on the Profile page. One sent you here.

Try reading the post from May 13, 2005, maybe it will help.

Is it the hands or is it the mind?

I have never been a good typist. I never learned how. Some would say it is because painting mastodons on cave walls did not require a keyboard. I am a long-time devotee of the hunt and peck method. I can go suprisingly fast when I want to.

I have never been a good speller. Thank God for spell check. Lately, I find myself capitalizing in the strangest circumstances. I forget to uppercase the "i", but do capitalize when not necessary. For instance I found myself typing Maple tree repeated in the last post. What is going on?

I started this blog to resharpen my writing skills. Once I was pretty good. Now I find my skills eroded by years of writing business letters. Have patience (see I fixed it, but I actually typed "Patience" -- weird -- ed.)my writing will get better. I hope to find some more interesting history vignettes, some of my original fiction (I know yawn, nod, snore)so more interesting tales from my travels. Later this week I hope to expound on my thoughts on the Great Liberal Arts experiment that was my education.

See, should that have been capitalized.. urggghhhh?

Maple trees and other matters

The seed pods are forming on the maple trees. These "helicopters" as some of us call them are a true bane to my existence. I began mowing my grandmothers yard when I was around nine. In those kinder times, I jumped on my red stingray and peddled the 1-1/2 miles via sidestreets and alleys to her house. I was always admonished to walk my bike across the one really busy street I had to transverse. Sometimes I obeyed.

Once at grandma's, I would help weed the numerous flower gardens, trim the edges and around the house (using the old "scissor-type trimmers. The electric and gas kind did not exist in those olden days) then clean up the mess and haul it to the trash pile near the alley. On a good day I would get to help my grandma burn the pile (again long ago). I would then mow the yard. If I did a good job and did not mow down any flowers, I would be paid three to five dollars. If I did not do any phase of the work to her satisfaction, I would not get paid. Sometimes my mom would have to call up grandma and remind her that I was just a kid, and she could not expect me to work all day without pay.

I really hated the first few times I mowed in the spring. Grandma was obsessed with the seed pods from maple trees. Each and EVERY one had to be raked up before I could mow. Have you ever tried to rake these helicopters? I could understand why I had to rake the leaves in the fall, but this insistence and hatred of maple seed pods continues to baffle me more than thirty-five years later. I think I will begin to insist that my boys rake the yard free of "helicopters" before we mow from now on. It will give them something to think about in the future:

"Hey, remember how Dad was so crazy about those helicopters everytime we mowed?"
"Remember how dad was so crazy about everything?"

Oh well, I guess I have to think up my own new ways to torture my kids. That particular idiosyncrasy will have to belong to my grandmother.

Some words of explanation

In case you were wondering the name Hoosierboy has nothing to do with Indiana University or its athletic teams. I did not attend that institution of higher learning nor do I root for its pathetic sports teams.

Hoosierboy is a moniker I chose to represent that I am born and bred a Hoosier, like countless of my ancestors. My family first came to North Central Indiana in the first decade of the nineteenth century. If you have studied your history you will know this makes them pioneers indeed. To honor those pioneers I proudly call myself a Hoosier.

That is not to say I have not ventured into the wide world. I have been to almost every state in the Union. I have been to Canada, England, The Netherlands, Germany, France, Italy and Austria. Some of these places numerous times. I have been to New York and Chicago and LA. I have seen the hills of San Francisco. I have seen the splendor and unique wonder of the Pacific Northwest. I have dipped my toes in every one of the Great Lakes and swam in the Atlantic, Pacific, and Gulf of Mexico. Indiana remains my home.

Why Fat in Indiana? Well, I am a middle aged fat guy. I am trying to do something about it, but until I can rename this humble blog "used to be Fat in Indiana, the title will remain.

April 16, 2005

Changes

My Grandma was born in 1909. That is 95 years ago for you fellow history majors.

When she was born, she had no electricity or telephone. There was no radio or television. People sent telegrams by Morse code if they wanted to communicate over long distances.

In her rural Indiana life a car was a rare sight indeed. Airplanes?, why the Wright brothers just flew a few years before. He father plowed their meager farm with a horse. She saw the childhood disease that claimed her sister and her friends eradicated.

In her life my grandma saw not only the marvels I listed above, but two world wars. The rise and fall of communist Russia. Men going to space and the moon. She walked the Earth with Teddy Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan. She saw computers and talking pictures and cars going more than 200 MPH at Indy. She saw airplanes and jets change the way we traveled and opened up the world.

Her Grandfather fought in the Civil War. Her husband fought in WWII. Her Great Grandchildren were alive to see terrorist scum attack our nation on September 11.

My grandmother saw technological and societal changes and upheavals never before seen in the history of man.

What a life she led. What a time she lived.

My Grandma died today. I already miss her.

Say a prayer for her tonight.

Thank you, Lord, For this Day

Today was glorious day in Hoosierland.

I had to visit a customer today. Short drive of two hours each way. About 1-1/2 hours of meetings. Stoke, stroke, so solly we are late, trying to do better.

Weather was beautiful, high wispy clouds, upper 60's -- no metric temperatures for this old Hoosier (heck, we cannot even get the clock thing figured out!)

Baseball practice with the little one this evening led to a pizza for dinner.

Plenty to be thankful for at the Hoosierboy house.

April 13, 2005

The Demons of Camerone Part II

Elements of the Third Company First Battalion of The French foreign Legion were surrounded by Mexican Cavalry. More than 2,000 Mexicans faced less than 46 Legionaires posited behind the crumbling adobe walls of the Hacienda Camerone. Mexican snipers occupied the upper stories of the ruined buildings, while the determined Captain Danjou elicited a promise from his surviving troops that they would fight to the end. A running firefight had erupted at around 7:30 am. At 9:30 the embattled Legionaires refused to surrender.

Around 11:00 am Captain Danjou was hit by sniper fire while scurrying across the courtyard. He was rescued by two men, but died less than five minutes later. Shortly after, The Legionaires heard bugle calls and prayed it was a relief column or the convoy coming to the rescue. A sergeant in the Legion climbed to the stable roof. He reported that the Mexican Cavalry was being joined by approximately 1,000 infantry. Local guerrillas swelled the already impossible odds. Still the Third Company refused to surrender. The noon sun baked the interior of the hacienda. The remaining soldiers and the wounded alike began to suffer from thirst. The North Africa vetrans drank their own urine to fight dehydration. Ammunition began to run low. At 2:00 pm the second in command Lt. Villain was killed. The attackers threw smoldering bales of straw over the walls. Smoke, heat, thirst, fear and exhaustion preyed upon the defenders. Repeated assaults brought the Mexicans close enough to batter holes in the ramparts. Still the defenders held.

At 5:00 pm The Mexican Commander called upon the remaining Legionaires to surrender. Only twelve remained on their feet. They again refused. Colonel Milan harangued his Mexican soldiers on the subject of their national honor and launched a full assault on the hacienda. After a desperate hour-long fight the Mexicans controlled the entire compound except the stable. Lt. Maudet and and five unhurt survivors were all that remained. Their ammunition was all but gone, they were dying of hunger and thirst, but they remembered their promise to Captain Danjou. Throwing aside the barricades, these six brave men launched a bayonet charge against the massed Mexican infantry!

Maudet and two others were struck down in a hail of gunfire. The remaining three brave soldiers formed back to back, bayonets lowered. They were ready to kill and be killed. The awed Mexicans could only stare. Finally the three were convinced to surrender. Unable to believe there were only three survivors Mexican Colonel Milan responded "Pero, non son hombres -- son demonios" (truly, these are not men -- they are demons).

The Mexicans treated the wounded. The three survivors and the 16 that were cut off in the earlier retreat to Camerone were later exchanged. Estimates are that the Legionaires inflicted more than 300 casualties. The half company had fought at more than one hundred to one odds for almost 10 hours.

Later, the wooden hand of Danjou was found amid the ruble of the buildings at Camerone. Every year the hand, in a little glass coffin, is paraded to the First Battalion of the French Foreign Legion as a reminder of their heritage and the standards they should attain. April 30 remains a holiday for the Legion.

Have you perviously heard of the Demons of Camerone?

Why Wednesdays are worse than Mondays

Here are the things that are bringing me down today:

I have spent all morning analyzing customer forecasts and creating graphs and spreadsheets

It is a rainy clouding day

It is cold

My son wrecked my car -- low speed, he is fine. Car had to be towed.

There are no groceries in the house

I am constantly worried about how I will pay for my daughters Education. She goes to sign up for classes and make her schedule tomorrow.

I have nothing but more forecast analysis to look forward to after lunch.

Ok enough poor me, back to work.


update:

both ink cartridges just ran out while printing graphs -- ughhh now I will have to go to WalMart on Scial Security day!

Kick, smack, punch...punch. Ok I am now out of whine mode.

Enough, Moonbats: desist!

Yesterday I bought gas for my wife's car. I paid $2.31/gallon. I am not going to rant about the high price of gas but please, to all the moonbats out there who are constantly looking for GWB to apologize for whatever it is he supposedly did wrong, please admit that the reasons we went to war with Iraq had NOTHING TO DO WITH OIL.

Anyone who has chanted No Blood For Oil, carried a sign that said NO BLOOD FOR OIL, or proclaimed in any way that the only reason we went to Iraq was for OIL -- shut the hell up.

Even the most incompetent dumbass retard in the world if he wanted to steal the oil reserves in Iraq could make sure we had enough oil to meet the current demand. NO ONE IS THAT INCOMPETENT!

Admit it, you leftist bastards, you were wrong about Afghanistan, you were wrong about Iraq. Now ask yourselves, what else could I be wrong about? If you are not sure I can help -- EVERYTHING. You are wrong about the minimum wage, welfare, Social Security, Medicade, taxing the rich, any subject at all: you are wrong. Did that help?

April 12, 2005

Demons of Camerone

Are you intrigued? Do you care? Do you want to know what happens?

See, history can be more exciting than a TV show. Let any western or war movie top this real life stuff.

The Demons of Camerone Part 1

The French have a well deserved reputation for surrendering in the face of the enemy. Not since the days of Napoleon have they offered an effective fighting force. This is a fact they realized themselves over 160 years ago when they were forced to form the French Foreign Legion. The Legion was the brainchild of Marshal Soult, one of Napoleon's Field Marshals. At the time of its formation most French thought the Legion was a disgrace and were offended that mercenaries had to be used to fight the Nation's battles.

The Legion was given the dirty jobs the French regular Army was too soft to handle. They subjugated North Africa, they were rented to Spain, they carried the brunt of the French fighting in the Crimea and Peidmonte Wars. The Legion was only for the strongest. Discipline was brutal. Soldiers from the Legion were separated from their homeland and family. For them, the French Foreign Legion was "Legio Patria Nostra" -- The Legion is our Country.

By 1860 Mexico had finished a bloody Civil war. The economy was ruined. The Government could not pay its debts(some things never change). President Benito Juarez suspended payment of all foreign debt. French Emperor Napoleon III took strong exception. He invaded Mexico with the intention of installing his own puppet government under Archduke Maximillian. Wait a minute you might ask? What about the Monroe Doctrine. Well you see the French did not have to worry about the US as we were in the middle of a little altercation already -- our own Civil War.

The Legion was given the duty of guarding the supply lines in the malaria zone of the coastal plain from Vera Cruz to Cordoba. Legionaire ranks were soon depleted by Malaria, typhus and Yellow Fever. On April 20, 1663 a convoy of artillery, ammunition and paychests left Vera Cruz. The Mexican army soon caught word and set out to attack the convoy.

The French learned of this impending attack and sent the Third Company of the First Battalion French Foreign Legion to scout the route back to the convoy. This reconnaissance in force was to travel down the Vera Cruz road to Palo Verde, a trip of about 20 miles. The Third Company had a nominal strength of 120. Disease had thinned the ranks to just 62 men when the march began. All the officers were sick, so command was given to Captain Jean Danjou. The Captain was a longstanding veteran who had lost his hand in the Crimea. He sported a wooden left hand held on with a leather cuff.

The Company left their post at Chiquihuite around just after midnight on April 30. They passed an abandoned and partially destroyed hacienda called Camerone. The traveled on a few more miles to Palo Verde even more ruined and deserted. This was the limit to the patrol. Danjou allowed the men breakfast, but they no sooner lit the cookfires when Mexican Cavalry was spotted to the West.

Danjou moved the men quickly back in the direction of Chiquihuite, using the scrub away from the road as to avoid detection. Just past Camerone, the small column was attacked by Mexican cavalry. The pack mules with the spare water and ammunition fled in panic. Danjou retreated south of the road where he beat off another attack by forming his company into a square. The company moved toward the ruined hacienda at Camerone for protection, and 16 stragglers were cut off. Danjou got his company to the safety of the ruined adobe walls, only to find Mexican snipers have occupied the upper floors. A long fire fight ensued. By about 8:00 am The remaining 46 Legionaires are surrounded by about 800 Mexican Cavalry, snipers cover most of the courtyard where the Legionaires are holed up and an unknown number of local guerrillas have joined the fray.

At around 9:30 a Mexican Army officer came forward under a flag of truce. He informed the Legionaires that they were now surrounded by more than 2,000 soldiers. He offered generous terms of surrender. Danjou replied that he had plenty of ammunition and he would never surrender.

April 11, 2005

Skateboarding Part One

My oldest son is a skateboarder. That is his life. He watches skateboarding videos. He has seen some of them hundreds of times. I have tried watching them with him. How boring can you get? Try watching bowling, bass fishing, golf (without the scenery)or rhythmic gymnastics for more entertainment. Even curling is more watchable. I have to place one caveat, the segment that features wipe-outs and guys getting their balls racked on hand rails is funnier than hell. What can I say, once a 13 year old male always a 13 year old male.

He wears skateboard shoes and skateboarder T-shirts. He will not wear shorts. He has short hair. He does not wear chains. The Boy has no tattoos or piercing. He does not dye his hair. He sports no earrings (Hoosierboy rule #37 -- no earrings unless you are a girl or a pirate). The B-man is just a typical teenager who wears mostly jeans or cotton pants and dark colored T-shirts.

Recently we rented a condo in Florida for our Spring Break Vacation. B took his skateboard. He spent most of his day grinding on the ledge below our balcony. He was not the first to do so, based on the scratches and scrapemarks. He was not the only one while we were there. At times there were as many as 6 skateboarders outside. They were not yelling or swearing. In fact, there was little talk at all.

One jerk had a problem. This family was one balcony over and one floor higher than ours. On two occasions he thought the best way to discourage skateboarding was to throw water on the boy. The first time it was just a cup and most of it missed. I passed it off to my son as just an asshole prank -- like a water balloon.

The second time he threw an entire bucket of water on my son. Now we had problems. fortunately, I was at the pool and only heard about it otherwise. The wife quickly repaired upstairs to find out the problem. The guy said he hated skatebaorders and was tired of them. He said that skateboarders were out there at midnight the night before. This BTW was a lie as I was on the balcony having a cigar at midnight and there were no skateboarders. The jerk admitted that it may not have been my son who disturbed him the night before, but he was "just sick of it".

The wife pointed out that this could constitute assault. She asked if he was from Michigan since that is the way those people act -- throw water. She mentioned that maybe he should not go out as we were "sick of" his family and we would dowse them everytime they left the safety of their condo. The asswipe finally saw that he was in error. After I was told about the problem I waited for more than an hour with a bucket waiting for them to leave, but they never came out. Not even when I knocked on their door and said that I was his little skateboard buddy with a big apology. Pussy. They checked out the next day.

Charles Did Not Invite Me To the Wedding

Apparently, some EU Royalty got married over the weekend. Another Prince died and he will be replaced. I do not care.

I have a real hard time with the "Royalty" thing. A family is given riches, power, property and prestige all because of being born. Mere beneficiaries of accidental birth. Generations before their ancestors may have been the cream of the crop, but those genes have been water down by time and easy living.

I have visited England. I was asked if I visited the Palace. No I did not. You see, there might be a chance I would see the Queen or Prince, or whatever. I would cause an International scandal because I tell you now, I will NEVER bow down to another person. Not the Queen. Not any Prince. Nope, not even the Pope.

I firmly agree with Thomas Jefferson, "all men are created equal". I was told a story as a boy about Jim Thorpe. I have never been able to confirm its veracity. Reportedly when Thorpe was presented to the King of Sweden after his decathlon triumph he stood there and offered the King his hand. When asked later why he did not kneel to the king, Thorpe replied "Why, what has he done, where are his Gold Medals?" that my friends is my attitude.

I have customers from Japan. I will shake their hand but I will never bow to them. I know it is a sign of respect, but it just will never happen.

There are lots of people richer than me, smarter than me, and certainly more successful and powerful. In the end they eat, crap, and smell when they sweat just like me.

Military salutes, I was told by a WWII vet that a salute is merely a salutation of respect between military men. There are some officers that view it otherwise, but they are just the assholes.

So, fellow men (and women) I salute you as an equal. You never have to kneel or bow to me , even if I become King of the World.

April 10, 2005

White smoke or Black smoke what's it gonna be?

I am not catholic. You can then logically assume I am not a Cardinal in the Catholic Church. I have never played one on TV. That does not keep me from having opinions, and like shit, all opinions stink, except mine. Oh wait, do not read the post below.

I had a long conversation with my Italian Boss last week. He is holding out hope for an Italian Pope. He thinks the next one will be from S.America or Africa. There is a German candidate, but the Italians and Spanish will never stand for it, he claims. Yes, That EU thing is working great at eliminating nationalism and bring Old Europe together isn't it?

What he wants is the best candidate. Electing a black Pope because he is black is unacceptable. Electing the best candidate who happens to be black is OK. Even the Italians hate this PC shit. He hopes the Cardinals elect a old man who is conservative to lead the Church for a few years until a better candidate from the Third World can be groomed. The Church does not need another 20 year Pope at this time is his contention.

We will see if the White smoke gets us a black Pope.

They is sure some wird things agoin' on ovah dere

I live in a decent, middle class subdivision. You know the type, ranch style houses with brick fronts, vinyl on the rest of the house. There are clearly better neighborhoods and far worse in my little town.

By chance the house across the street was abandoned several years ago. A local Doctor bought the place and it is a high priced rental. I am not thrilled by this, but the price is such that you usually get quality people that do not want an apartment, but don't yet have to dough saved to by their own place. There has been no trouble until now.

A single mom an her little Dennis the Menace have moved in. Believe it or not this is the second time in the place for them. The kid is annoying beyond words. The kind of little red-haired jerk you hate as soon as you meet him. He seems to sense this and compensates by making up outrageous lies in order to gain your favor. Expert stunt rider on his bike, expert baseball player, expert skateboarder, rich, all of these are some of his claims. Look, even my little one cannot stand him and he gets along with EVERYBODY. My oldest takes immense delight in trapping him in his lies.

Any way I am getting off subject. About three weeks ago the little fibber decided to dig a hole in his front yard. He said he would be punished if he did not dig every day. Who would believe this? The hole is now about eight feet in diameter and two feet deep. Yesterday one of the Mom's "friends" arrived in a pickup truck and began to load the dirt from the hole into his truck. It continues this morning and now the hole is being dug deeper. WTF? Is this a new method of getting cheap topsoil? Any suggestions? I usually could care less about my neighbors -- heck, I do not even no a single name until you get five houses down. This has me baffled.

April 9, 2005

Standing up for your beliefs.

GEORGE HENRY THOMAS

Most of you have probably never heard of General George Thomas. You might be surprised that both Grant and Sherman said he was the best general on either side during the Civil War. Yes, that includes Bobby Lee.

George Thomas received his appointment to West Point for helping suppress Nat Turner's rebellion. Thomas was a good Southern boy from Virginia.

He reached his greatest fame for saving the Union army at Chicamauga, where he earned the sobriquet "The Rock of Chicamauga. He destroyed the Western Army of the Confederacy at Nashville, where Hood's suicide charge made Pickett look like a pussy.

He was reviled and disowned by his family for not serving Virginia (thus the South) in the war. He was not allowed to be buried in his family plot. He is buried at West Point. Whether you like his stand in the Civil War or not, you have to admire a man who gave up all for his country.

That is why General Thomas is one of my heroes and why my oldest son is named after him.

April 8, 2005

America vs. Canada

Over a recent business luncheon the discussions turned to America and the current worldview. My boss is from Italy and he, like many Italians, firmly believes in the war on terror despite what the media would lead you to believe.

The conversation turned interesting when he asked what we thought the major differences between Canada and the USA. One of the Canadians immediately answered "Nothing, except the gun thing." I will address this in another post. One of the other Canadians offered an anecdote about how in the 1970's there was a rumor in Canada that the country was going to be purchased by the US and every Canadian was to get a large sum of money. She laughed how she would take that settlement now in a heartbeat.

There lies one major difference. I would not change my country for ANY amount of money. I would not even consider it. Even though on the surface there are few differences between Canada or Australia and the US, none compare in my mind. We live in the greatest country on Earth, and we are Blessed by God. I can think of few Americans that would agree, but there seemed no issue with the Canadians to switch their country for Money.

I responded that it is clear that Canada is far more socialistic. One of the Canucks said that that is a function of the population being so much smaller, that it is possible for the Government to take care of the citizens, where it would be nearly impossible fro the same level of Government involvement in the US.

I think it is much deeper than that. Both the US and Canada were once colonized by the English and French. We clearly share a common settlement history and background. Yet Canada has evolved into a nanny state while most Americans remain rugged individualists, regardless of the MSM and College professors influence. I believe that is because the US gained its independence more than 200 years ago in a fierce war of independence. Our freedoms were forged in fire and blood. We fought a great Civil war to determine the makeup of our country. Until recent decades there was in the American outlook a marked distrust of a strong central government. 100, 50 and even 30 years ago an individual would see little or no evidence of the government in their daily lives.


Canada was a part of the United Kingdom until the early 1980's. They always had someone else too look after them. They fought in the World wars (bravely and well too) but they did not have to protect themselves. Pearl Harbor did not happen to Canada. The whole history of Canada is one where they have had little on the line nationally. There has always been a protector whether that be the Queen or NORAD. Little wonder the national outlook is one that the Government will take care of your problems.

Yes I think there is a great deal of difference.

Sure, call ME a stupid Hoosier

On my way to Canukistan I stopped for gas in Monroe Michigan. I felt it my duty to make sure my employer did not have to pay the ridiculus Canadian Gas Prices.

I pulled up to the first pump and stopped because there was a red bag over the handle on the next pump indicating that pump was out of order. As I got out of my SUV, a car pulled up behind me and began to honk. I looked at him and he was waving me forward to the other pump. I ignored him. Finally, he drove around me and pulled up to the next pump. Let me state again. There is a big red plastic bag on the pump handle that says "out of order". This man gets out of the car and gives me the "I hope you die stare." I gave him my most beligerant, smart ass smirk in return.

He puts in his credit card. He tries to pick up the handle and can not get a hold of it. THERE IS A BAG OVER THE HANDLE. He uses two hands to place the nozzle into his tank. He can not get the pump trigger to work so he peels back the bag -- the one that says "out of order"-- so he can pull the trigger. The pump will not work. He smacks the pump. The pump will not work. He kickes the pump. The pump will not work. Finally he goes into the station. He comes out gets into his car and leaves. He has Ontario Plates. TRUE STORY.

I proceed to laugh my butt off for the next two hours. They say Hoosiers are dumb bastards. I say HAH! and call bullshit. Even a dumb Hoosier is smarter than some asshole form Canuckistan.

April 6, 2005

I am now held hostage in Canuckistan

I have arrived here in the Socialist Utopia of Canuckistan. I am preparing for the monumental ass reaming I am about to take from my customer.

This morning I had one of those incredibly awful shits. It made my eyes water. The little one actually gagged when I took him in there to comb his hair. I took a shower, packed, loaded the car and the air in the bathroom still reeked. That stuff was worse than the Stroh's shits I used to dump back in College.

I am trying to work another one up for an emergency tomorrow in my customer meetings. If the pressure gets too much maybe I will drop one of those stink bombs. At least they will forget what they are so made at me for when they are wiping tears of pain from their eyes. Think that strategy will work?

April 5, 2005

Just like Willie, without the grass

I am going on the road again, off to placate very angry customers. The have the temerity to insist that we provide them with parts on time:every time. They need to understand our job is to give them what we manufacture. If they could only learn to schedule what we want to run everyone will be fine. By the way the other purpose of this visit is to convince this customer he should pay the airfreight for the parts we were late on in December and January.


We will see just how damn good a salesman I am won't we?


Anyway for you, my reader, I may be slow posting until the end of the week. I hope that is OK. Please let me know.

Ilove,..I love... Love you man...

I'm So Drunk!
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

April 4, 2005

It was only after we left the Magic Kingdom that I got scared

On our Spring Break Vacation we visited the Magic Kingdom of Mickey M. You know who. We have been there several times before, but my little one (not so little any more at 11 years old) does not like to break any tradition. If we ever did anything previously that makes it a tradition and it shall not be changed.

So we jumped in the car and made the short drive from our Condo to the Wonderfull World of Disney. If you have ever been to the magic Kingdom you know that you drive to a parking lot, pay your parking fee ($9), then board a tram to take you to another lot. Here you choose either the ferry boat or the monorail to get to the lot where you enter the park. On the tram we were informed that the lot held 11,000 cars. That is $99,000 in parking fees in a day.
We arrived at the park and I had to have my camera bag inspected by security. Any bag, purse, backpack, etc must be "inspected". This inspection consisted of me opening the bag and the inspector peering inside.
We had a great time. The lines were long, the streets were full. During the parades and fireworks you could not move due to the press of people. The area around the castle was like Times Square on New Years. It really seemed as if 50,000 people were there (11,000 cars times 4.5 per car -- mom, dad, 2.5 kids). All in all, in spite of the crowds we had a good time.
On the way we were discussing the crowds of people around the castle and my wife pointed out how devastating a bomb would have been if detonated in that area. I remembered the almost pointless security screening. I wondered what security measures were taken on employees and deliveries to the park. I remembered that some of the 9/11 terrorists had lived in Florida for a while. It was only then I got scared.
If you are a terrorist forget I mentioned anything.

168 E-mail messages later

Like many of my fellow Hoosiers, Wolverines, Illini, and Buckeyes I spent last week on Spring Break. We (except the Daughter who went on a cruise) went to beautiful Orlando. The weather was perfect. Anything is better than cold rain and snow flurries.

I am sure all you Southern types are heartily sick of the Northerners coming to take advantage of your sunshine. This is clear the miles of "road construction". It is my theory that you barricade miles of perfectly god highway and never work on it in order to make the drive down and home so unpleasant that you will discourage the return trip next year. Can you believe it -- 6 hours from Orlando Macon, GA?
Now here I am ready to return to work. I have 168 unread messages in my work in box. Most will be issues that were started and finished while I was gone. When will part xyz ship? On Tuesday. Please ship air. Etc. Etc. Etc. I will still have to read everyone to make sure a detail was not missed or if there is something I need to take care of.

Thank God for employment, 'cause it is the very fact that I have 168 Emails, and a job, that I am able to enjoy a fabulous week in the sunshine.

April 3, 2005

now returning

I have been on vacation will post more later
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005