November 30, 2005

Mammoth Jugs -- hide your kiddie's eyes

since today is double entendre day I will post this picture of mammoth jugs just for Misty69.








yeah, yeah I got the pix from Otter.

Someone's knockin' at the door.

I think there has been a terrible mistake. I am sorely afraid I have screwed up, the victim of bad juju, karma at its blackest.

They say opportunity knocks but once. I think the wife dragged me to the mall that day. Maybe I was out drinking, smoking fine cigars. I hope I was not a work. That would be the ultimate slap in the face.

In any case I missed him. The SOB did not leave sticky note telling when he would return. Opportunity left no word with the neighbors. Rude SOB, he is. He did not come back.

It is now a foregone conclusion I missed my shot at old opportunity and success. I will just have to make the best of it. The only consolation is that I think the fickle bastard schedules his knock and run sessions when many of us are not at home!

November 29, 2005

A Shooting Spree on Memory Lane

Did you sing songs and rhymes when you were a kid? I bet you all chanted the Teacher , Teacher I declare, I see someone's underwear. How about the Batman jingle bells? There were lots of jump rope rhymes as well.

I woke this morning with one of those in my head this morning. Sung to Frere Jacques it goes like this:

marijuana, Marijuana
LSD, LSD
Scientists make it
Teachers take it
Why can't we?
Why can't we?

Then there was the one we sang to the local Lincoln Elementary that no one liked. Every other school in town chanted it also at school basketball and football games:
Lincoln stinkin'
What you been drinkin'
Smells like beer
Tastes like wine
Oh my gosh
Its turpentine.

Can you imagine getting away with either of those in today's politically correct atmosphere? Did you do this one:
First grade babies
Second grade tots
Third grade angels
Fourth grade snots
Fifth grade peaches
Sixth grade plums
And all the rest
Are dirty bums

Man, we were funny as hell when we were kids.

Convinced yet Boomer?

Dear Boomer Esiason,

Are you prepared yet to give the Colts credit? Every week you "just do not see them getting it done against the tough (fill in the blank with this weeks opponent)". You downplay the defense, credit luck when it comes to the offense. And you Phil Simms, what does Manning have to do to get you to credit him? You are the last guy left who probably thinks Ryan Leaf was a better pick. Simms, Esiason, you are the last ones left who think Indy is just lucky, they have not played anyone, their defense is suspect, that the offense can be beat by a control run defense. Come on, there is plenty of room on this bandwagon.

November 28, 2005

The Devil is in the Details

This is a very nice story about how Indiana is righting the fiscal ship. Curtailing Government waste can often be accomplished by looking at the little things. Maybe our Federal Government can give it a try.

Welcome Back

Boy, I hated Welcome Back Kotter. There was not really a character on the show I could stand. I have to say I did have the teenage hots for the wife though. I think I had the teen hots for every girl on TV.

It is back to work after the long weekend. I wish I could say I am thrilled and ready to go. The weekend was busy, so it is not like I got rested up. TWO thanksgiving dinners on Thursday, Started putting up the Christmas tree on Friday, along with several honeydo projects. Saturday we went to some friend's house. Yesterday was more decorating and projects. Little or no relaxing time at all. I need a vacation to recover from my holiday.

I have been faced with an interesting parenting challenge this week. How do you discipline your kids for doing the very thing you did when you were young, stupid and invincible? In fact, I did much worse. My oldest son got a ticket for reckless driving, he was going 26 mph over the speed limit. I am not as concerned about the ticket (he will pay the fine/ court costs/ driving school/ insurance hike), as the fact he was going 96 f-ing mph! I tried to explain the dangers of driving that speed, how easily he could have killed himself or his friends. I felt like a hypocrite the whole time. I not only drove fast, played bumper tag on the country roads, but sometimes did it all while drinking! I WAS AN IDIOT.

Now we wait for the court date in February to see what his punishment will be. He may even get his license suspended. I will not feel sorry for him.

November 25, 2005

weekend cartoon




Did you eat too much yeterday? I know I did.

November 24, 2005

Weekend cartoon



I know it is not the weekend, but it is a long Holiday.

Thank you to all of my readers for stopping by. I do not know why you come here, but I am grateful for an audience for my rantings. I wish the safest Holiday for all of you. Pray for our troops.

Hoosierboy

November 23, 2005

We should take a page from the guys down under

Go read this . I wish I could have said it as well. This is clearly the attitude many of us wish our leadership would adopt!

lying liars who tell lies



click to enlarge




HT : C&S

Thanksgiving on Sesame Street

November 22, 2005

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

The debate rages on

Jimmy Carter are you high?

I once believed that although Jimmy Carter was a total failure as a President, he was always well intentioned. He still remains one of the worst Presidents in history, but I believe he is consumed by the knowledge he was a failure in both domestic and foreign policy, and that knowledge has made him a bitter nasty old man.

I saw Carter on the Leno show, and I had to turn him off before I puked all over the sofa. Carter has become so bitter about his failures he is becoming the worst kind of revisionist. Has he forgotten it was on his watch that the Islamofascist got their start? He was so weak they attacked Americans on American soil with impunity. Now this asshat has the gall to sit on TV and make statements so patently untrue, that anyone but an ex-President would be laughed from the public arena.

Let us start with the nonsense that Carter claims we "have always had a policy in this country that we never attack another country unless America is directly threatened. We do not make wars just to remove foreign leaders we do not like". Is this guy on drugs? If we examine the wars where America was attacked first, and our Country was directly threatened we have :

WW II, Civil War, War of 1812 (and that one is a stretch).

Now those wars we engaged when our Nation was not directly threatened:

Panama, the bombing of Lybia, The Gulf Wars, Grenada, Vietnam, Korea, WW I, The Philippine Insurrection, the Boxer Rebellion, the wars in Central America, the Spanish American War, The Mexican War, the War in Tripoli (pirate wars), and numerous skirmishes, wars, and actions all aimed at regime or policy change. These all affected American security or economic prosperity in one way or another.

For Carter to claim "it has always been our policy" is disingenuous at best, if not an outright lie. Maybe if he had reacted in a strong forceful manner instead of a hand wringing, "oh, my what am I going to do" pussified response to the Iranians we might have avoided the last 25 years of growing Islamic terror. Carter, you are a lying MOFO. Why don't you take your wrinkly old prune skin, your fake teeth, and your lying mouth away from my TV. Go home and choke on a peanut you old failure. Until that blessed day just shut the fuck up, you either do not know what you are talking about or you are a liar. You must have been into Billy's stash to utter such nonsense. Go away Jimmy f-ing traitor Carter.

November 21, 2005

New Look

I tried some new clothes on the old blog today. I think a dark color is in order to match my mood and the season. Let me know what you think.
commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I had to go to the Doctor Friday

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 90?

He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied.

"I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,

hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a damn if you live to be 90?

Sent to me by Otter.

Sorry for lack of posts over the weekend. My home computer has been infected with a Vundo Trojan virus. I cannot get rid of it. I ran five DIFFERENT anti-virus and anti-spyware software programs, used the symantec virus removal tool at least 6 times. I spent nearly 20 hours from Friday to last night to no avail. All that is left is manually going into the registry and wiping out the virus line by line and I do not feel comfortable with that at all. I guess I will have to pay someone to get rid of it unless any of you have a suggestion.

Colts win, Wabash wins round one of the Division III NCAA playoffs (Why can't the NCAA adopt this nearly perfect playoff system to Division I)

November 18, 2005

Just another tequila night

The apartment building was of two wings, 8 apartments on each wing. There were four upstairs, four below. We lived in the west wing, upstairs. Our neighbors were similar, all in the middle twenties, recently married, no kids. We had a good time, often partying together or separate on weekends. One summer day we got the bright idea we would have a floor party. One couple was moving out, so we had the perfect excuse. All of the apartments would be open, there would be food, fun and alcohol.

The big Saturday rolled around and I began to get ready for the party in my typical fashion -- drinking beer hours before the party was set to begin. I helped my wife fix some food, I helped myself to a beer. She ran to the grocery to get last minute snack items, I had a beer. You get the picture. After a while my buddy came over from across the hall. I am sure we had a couple of beers.

The party started rolling early, as we were setting up card tables in the hall with food and snacks, the coolers were filled. The music was turned up on the stereo. We were drinking as we set up the party, so it had sort of a rolling start. Cigars were lit and smoked. Beer was consumed. The ladies had mixed drinks, wine coolers, whatever. Soon the tequila was brought out. We started doing tequila shots and upsidedown margaritas. The party was in full swing. As the hours went by more people showed up. A good time was being had by all until we realized we were out of tequila. One of the party goers went for more.

While he was gone several people started doing slammers. Half a shot of whiskey, half of coke. You place your hand over the top and slam it down then drink the fizzy shot. That drink was not for me, I hate whiskey (a tale for another time). I had a few more beers. The guy came back with a new bottle of hooch. We all cheered until he fell coming up the stairs and broke the bottle. We decided to head back to the liquor store. I agreed to go along to navigate. By the time we got to the liquor store I became convinced the bottle had been defective. I presented my case to the clerk that the bottle "just exploded", we needed a replacement. I am pretty sure I was really belligerent. Finally she gave us a bottle (I am sure just to get us to leave). On the way back home we got lost. I had lived in this same little Hoosier town my whole life, I knew every street, every alley. It seemed we were in a new part of town. Finally we made it back to the apartment from the liquor store 1/2 mile away. "Dude, I got lost", I told everyone. It was decided we needed a few more tequila shooters.

After a while I headed outside for some air. Man, what a party. I had been drinking half the night. My wife came out to sit with me. I remember laying my head in her lap. A little while later I apparently puked on her. She and my friends put me to bed. I had not been sick since my 21st birthday, but hey, I had been drinking since about noon. What do you expect when you drink into the wee hours of the morning.

Sunday dawned early, I was hungover and had the shakes. I vaguely remembered getting sick the previous night. I appologized to my lovely bride. "Whoa, what a party", I asked. "What time did we go to bed?" She said she had gone to bed around 1:00 am. I stated that I thought it was later than that. She said, no SHE went to bed around one, I was in bed by 8:30.

I hate fucking tequila.

November 17, 2005

WOT, Poll Numbers, and Where Do We Go From Here?

Go read the delftsman for a little perspective regarding President Bush and the WOT. The Emigre has not been posting much lately (and we are all saddened by it) but what he has to say is well worth the wait!




edit: Now if we could only get mamamontezz to start blogging again!

Think how close we came to really screwing the pooch

I heard yesterday that Al Gore has stated that "Global Warming and the Environmental Crisis" is a greater danger than terrorism. Think, not only did some of you dumbasses actually vote for this wackjob, but he ALMOST won.

If you voted for Gore, you should cut off you voting arm, scoop out your eyes with a melon baller, and pledge to never vote or breed again(upon pain of torture and death), for the sake of humanity. That is all.

Culture Quiz -- The Hoosierboy responds

Thank you to all those who participated, I will be checking out your suggestions for movies, books, and recordings over the next few months. Here is how I would answer:

1. What music are you listening to right now?
I am starting to listen to Christmas music, but Neil Young's greatest hits is in my home CD player
bonus: how -- stereo, car, Ipod, etc.? stereo, mp3 player
2. What is your current favorite movie (or what is the last movie you saw/bought, rented etc.)? Christmas with the Kranks was the last movie I saw, favorites lately include Master and Commander and Jeremiah Johnson
3. What are you reading right now? Torpedo Juice by Tim Dorsey (2nd time), To the Last Man by Jeff Shaara (just finished) Sharpe's Trafalgar by Bernard Cornwell (just finished)
4. Who is your favorite author? Patrick O'Brian, WEB griffin, Stephen Coonts, Louis L'Amour
5. Name an album (cd) you would recommend? Yessongs by Yes
6. Name a book you would recommend? Time to Hunt by Stephen Hunter will leave you breathless. Flight of the Intruder by Stephen Coonts
7. Name three movies everyone should see. Zulu, The Blues Brothers, The Godfather
8. What is your favorite sport? baseball, football
9. Toilet paper -- roll off the top or off the bottom?top
10. What make / model/ color of car do you drive? Dodge Durango

and Mary Ann. I am also pretty sure the professor was shagging them both And Mrs. Howell.

November 16, 2005

Does the Democrat Party have any shame at all?

Go and read this. Tell me that Democrats are not just lying pieces of shit that will do anything to gain power, including selling out our country and military.

Here is an excerpt:

In 1998, Sen. Carl Levin And Twenty-Six Other Senators Urged President Clinton "To Take Necessary Actions" In Response To Iraq's Weapons Of Mass Destruction Programs. LEVIN: "Mr. President, today, along with Senators McCain, Lieberman, Hutchison and twenty-three other Senators, I am sending a letter to the President to express our concern over Iraq's actions and urging the President 'after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs.'" (Sen. Carl Levin, Congressional Record, 10/9/98)

Fourteen Democrats, Including Then-Senate Democrat Leader Tom Daschle And 2004 Presidential Nominee John Kerry, Signed The Letter To President Clinton: ("Letter To President Clinton," as Entered Into The Congressional Record By Sen. Carl Levin, 10/9/98)

Carl Levin (D-Mich.) Joe Lieberman (D-Conn.)
Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) Chris Dodd (D-Conn.)
Bob Kerrey (D-Neb.) Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.)
Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.) Thomas Daschle (D-S.D.)
John Breaux (D-La.) Tim Johnson (D-S.D.)
Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii) Mary Landrieu (D-La.)
Wendell Ford (D-Ky.) John Kerry (D-Mass.)

Yet many of the same mofos are now calling for the President's head and calling him a liar. Do these people have no shame? If you continue to vote for people like these asshats, I think you are a dumbass. If you think the President lied about the reasons for going to war, you are an ignorant dumbass.

November 15, 2005

Culture Quiz

I am stuck in the 1970s, musically. I often wonder what am I missing out there. Enlighten me, readers. here is you chance to enlighten a poor Hoosierboy cracker on the culture I might be missing. Here is today's Hoosierboy culture quiz:


1. What music are you listening to right now?
bonus: how -- stereo, car, Ipod, etc.?
2. What is your current favorite movie (or what is the last movie you saw/bought, rented etc.)?
3. What are you reading right now?
4. Who is your favorite author?
5. Name an album (cd) you would recommend?
6. Name a book you would recommend?
7. Name three movies everyone should see.
8. What is your favorite sport?
9. Toilet paper -- roll off the top or off the bottom?
10. What make / model/ color of car do you drive?

You may have multiple answers for each question.

Come on, I want to know, answer in the comments, encourage your friends. Only YOU can expose me to culture. I will give my answers tommorrow.

Why do we need gay marriage?

I have lived my whole life in Indiana. Some of you will find that incredible. I have not lived in the big city. I have been to New York, to Philadelphia, Chicago, Houston, LA. I do not like those places. Am I a hick? By most standards, probably. Do I lack the urbane sophistication of the metropolitan citizen? Again, the answer is likely yes.

I can discuss wine, literature, history or sports. I can carry on a dialogue on politics or religion. I am capable of intellectual discourse on many a subject.

I would like to have a dialogue here on the old blog about a subject where I admittedly ignorant. It is my firm position that the government has no business sanctioning marriage. I think it is a holy bond between two people. I will also admit I am a lot less tolerant to the gay/homosexual lifestyle than I was in the past. Formerly, it was my policy that what two people did between the sheets was their own business. I guess I was a believer in the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I feel the same way about people who are into feet, or stuffed animals , or football mascots. Whatever floats your boat, baby. Today I feel I am bombarded on every front by the gay agenda. It is presented in every TV show, every movie. We are assaulted by it everywhere we look. I am tired of it.

Several years ago we were at a Hard Rock Cafe. As we are coming down the red carpeted steps the couple in front of us stopped to engage in a deep, tongue thrashing kiss and grope session. I do not condone this behavior from anyone. I did not like being put into the position of trying to explain to my 7 year old why "those two women was kissing like that?" Both turned upon hearing the little voice and blocked the stairs waiting to hear my explanation, expectant anger already on their faces. I told him that sometimes there were girls who liked girls better than boys. He wanted to know "Why would they do that?" I said we would talk about it later, and thankfully his little boy mind was filled with more interesting ideas. Somehow I feel I failed him. The women were poised for a confrontation. I left feeling like a coward and a failure because I could not explain what I did not understand to a little boy.

There is a great deal of discussion lately about gay marriage. I am not sure why it has become so important to the gay crowd. I have a firm definition in my mind of what makes a marriage, but I am willing to listen to reason. I hear that homosexuals need the legal protections. I am seriously asking for someone to 'splain it to me. What legal and civil protections will be available to gays that they cannot get now through wills, and other legal documents? I can name whomever I choose to be a beneficiary to my insurance. I can name a guardian, in case I am incapacitated, I can spell out my wishes in a living will. A gay couple cannot be covered under a family life insurance in some cases, but neither can a live in couple. Is that it?

I would like to encourage a real dialogue in the comments about this subject -- free of religion and moral condemnation. Please, someone convince me why we need to offer special rights someone based solely on sexual preference.

Get on Board, show your support

Why I Wear the Brown Ribbon



Because diarrhea affects over 30 million Americans every day, and because I am one of them.

Because just like AIDS and breast cancer, diarrhea can only be conquered by self-righteous fashion accessories.

Because I thought “outside the bun” for lunch yesterday and had to make two separate stops on my way back to the office.

Because diarrhea doesn’t care whether you’re black, white, young, old, male, female, gay or totally gay.

Because when I walk into the men’s room at work and hear what sounds like an M-16 going off, I know that one of my co-workers is making a trip to brown town, and because I will not let him walk alone.

Because from now until December 15, every $5 donation to Mud Blowers Anonymous will be matched dollar for dollar by both Hershey’s and the makers of Imodium A-D.

Because I once had the runs during a soccer game in high school and faked an injury so I could go make hot potty in the locker room.

Because they haven’t made a ribbon for blue balls yet.

Because some people think it’s funny, but it’s really brown and runny.

Because this kid at summer camp once got hit with the ’rhea during free swim, and although I laughed at him and called him “Doody Bombs” for the rest of the summer like everyone else, I felt kind of bad about it when I heard that he killed himself several years later.

Because raising diarrhea awareness isn’t “someone else’s job” – it’s everyone’s job.

Because when the rest of the audience howled with delight at that scene in “Dumb and Dumber,” I cried a single tear of shame.

Because Bam Margera and Steve-O from “Jackass” are wearing them.

Because if enough people start wearing them, it’s possible that there might actually be some kind of “Labor Day Diarrheathon” or a 5K “Run for the Runs” in Central Park – either of which would be even funnier than the Special Olympics.

Because it is incomprehensible to me that anyone anywhere could ever have a need for laxatives.

Because millions of diarrhea victims are hiding in the shadows, afraid to seek treatment for fear of being snickered at by the cashier during checkout.

And because none of us will be truly free until every last one of us can spend a night slamming down bran muffins and prunes without fear.

That’s why I'm proud to wear the Official Diarrhea Awareness Ribbon, along with the “Live Solid and Well-Formed” bracelet.

And that's why I'd like you to join me in the fight against this sphincter-scorching menace. Together, we can make a difference.

November 14, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLI

Today is the wonderful and talented Alli's TWENTY-FIRST Birthday. Go an give her comments and congats. I have never asked anything from you, my favorite reader, but now I ask that you overwhelm her with comments. Please.

Happy day Alli, and I offer this advise from my own 21st many years ago -- do not drink banana daiquiris after vodka gimlets after beer. Believe me when I tell you a brandy alexander is not a good idea -- ever.

November 13, 2005

November 12, 2005

Going out partying tonight?


This is what happens when you drink too much on a Saturday night. This is a public service warning from your Hoosier Correspondent.

November 11, 2005

Beer drinking issues -- problem solving

Here are the symptoms and corrective actions to take when drinking beer:

Feet cold and wet.
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.


Improper bladder control.
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself latched to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts
You have fallen forward.
See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.
You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark.
Bar has closed.
Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Cover mouth.



Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear.
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Punch him.



Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
You've wandered into the wrong party.
See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.
The beer is too weak.
Have more beer until your voice improves.



Don't remember the words to the song.
Beer is just right.
Play air guitar.

An open letter to all veterans

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.


11:11 am, November 11, 1918.
Rauol Lufbury, Eddie Rickenbacker, Alvin York, Blackjack Pershing, Bellau Wood, St. Mihail Salient, George Patton, George Marshall, The Marines.

I had a post written. Those who care already know. For those who do not care the effort would be wasted.

I think a simple thank you will have to do.


Thank You for your service Veterans of America.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Learning about sex from our senior citizens

Senior sex

A couple are having dinner at a restaurant and the husband leans over and
asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over
fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against
the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,
and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two
old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking
sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she
leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Finally, they both
collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that
he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing.
I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something
else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of
secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty ye! ars ago that wasn't an electric fence.

November 10, 2005

Those are great on...or even plain.

My daughter loves Christmas and everything about the holiday. She begins listening to Christmas music as soon as the trick or treaters shed their sweaty costumes and begin the candy count. She gets that from me, I love Christmas music too. I am ready for the Holidays. The big triumvirate of festivity: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. The memories flood back of cardboard pillboxes, matchbox cars, the random pine needle that pierces your foot. The snow, the cold.

It is hard to imagine we are just a mere two weeks from Turkey Day. Yesterday, as I left for work the temperature was 68 degrees. This morning it was a chilly 36.

I am ready for the holiday season: the work load drops and I get time off between Christmas and New Years. The family will gather to celebrate the birth of Jesus. A few beers might be consumed, and there will be lots of food. I have been getting ready, I have been able to tighten my belt two notches in the last year. Time to fit those pants completely!

I would go home and watch my DVD of one of my favorite movies HOLIDAY INN, but my daughter took it last time she was home. All we need now is just a little snow.

November 9, 2005

AT&T is a piece of shit.

I have had an ongoing dispute with the people at AT&T. About a year ago we started getting bills from them, about $5 per month. We called them and said we never signed up for your service, we will not use it, make it go away. We use our cell phones for long distance calling. More bills. Call again. More bills. Now they start to call from their collection department, they want their $17.00. The wife explains it again. After about 5 or six months, of this she finally gets it clear WE DO NOT WANT THEIR SERVICE. Customer Service wipes out the charges. We are done right? Nope, about three months ago we get a bill. The wife calls goes through it again. They say we have to call customer service, get a toll free number. You can only get a recording with that number to pay your bill.

Fast forward to last week, collections call, the wife explains it again. Today they call at lunch. Whoops, I am home this time. I not very nicely tell the lady from AT&T collections where she can put her $23 invoice. I told her I am sick of this, etc. etc. She tells me I have to call a different number. Now I am more than a little pissed off. I call the number, my only choice is the automated pay system. I try again, same result. At this point I want a human to yell at. The blood pressure is up, I have resorted to screaming curse words at the automated system. I am banging the phone in a vain effort to talk to a human. Repeated "fuck you AT&T"s rumble off my tongue as my hands start to shake. Foam dribbles from the corner of my mouth. The contortions of my face make my vision blur as I dial again and again in the vain hope that the system will recognize my number and give me an actual live human to speak to.

I try the caller ID and get the number of collections. I call that number, enter my information. Yes, again I get the automated pay system, only this one actually says they will be glad to help me after I make a payment. ARRRRGGGGH. I want to rip the phone from the wall, The letters A and T are about to be banned from my home. I would rather not have phone service than deal with this company for one more minute.

I call the 800 customer service line again. This time I enter my company phone number: bam -- customer service person in mere moments. He is a little perplexed when I explain that the number I am calling about is different. I tell him my home number. He tells me three different times that the number I want to discuss is different than the number I gave the automated system. I explained in an exasperated manner that I needed to talk to a live person. He told me I could pay the bill with the automated system. I explain it all again in a very loud and angry voice, complete with editorial asides on the automated hell, and the stupidity of his company. I ask why we keep going through this billing issue. He allows that the account was credited about six months ago, and the notes say we do not want the service, but we made a one minute phone call in July (11 cents) so that reactivated the service. He will not credit the $23. I wish him luck, and spend the next minute again explaining to him what I think of his company. I also let him know that because AT&T are such dicks, I cancelled my business service last month and switched to the competitor. AT&T just lost about $400 per month (I am sure they could care less) over ELEVEN DAMN CENTS.

I called my local service to make sure AT&T was erased forever from my phone (they were more than happy). After they said they would set me up for long distance at $2.00 per month I said NO. We use our cell phones for long distance, and our total long distance for the last 4 months is a combined $2.64. Then came the kicker. I hung up the phone, defeated, deflated, despaired. I gave up, I waved the white flag. I am now a Frenchman for the day.

Are ready for this? The fucking Federal Government will charge me a one time universal fee of $5.50 for canceling my long distance. Right, the Government is going to charge me for not buying a service. Tell me again we have a free country. ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES. Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and the Sons of Liberty where are you, we need you again!

I hate people smarter than me

We could lose also because our mainstream media seems to find terrorists less unattractive than having a conservative Texan in the White House.


The vodkapundit has up an excellent piece detailing the war on terror and the mistakes we have made. It gives a very interesting historical perspective I had not considered. Read it, it is worth your time.

Thanks to alli.

Pay Attention.

Go read this guy. He is funny as hell. Besides he is certainly an arbiter of good taste, he links with HB. Be sure to scroll down and read his adventures with pumpkin spray.

November 8, 2005

The fuse in the powder

Go read this. I will wait. I do not know about you, but I have taken secret delight in the nightly burning of French cars. Reap what you sow, says I. Next I ask when are the papers and MSM going to come right out and mention these acts are being done by Muslims? Then I want to point out that if you think these riots are random, not planned by radical leaders of the Religion of Peace, you are a fool. Then the deeper thought hits me, are we so far from this happening here in the USA? I was going to write a long post on that, but katies dad beat me to it.

Am I paranoid? Is our Government refusing to look at the dynamite being packed around our ankles, just waiting on the fuse to be lit? Will my grandkids live in a world of anarchy and civil war?

The Red Sox and White Sox win World Series. The Colts beat the Patriots. The Bengals are winning football games. Is the END really at hand?

Is this what it has come to?

Bill Belichick, owner of the Colts collective pysche, finally was defeated by a mirror of his own style. The Colts came with a swarming defense. The Colts ate up the clock with long drives, keeping the Patriot offense off the field: the same prescription used by the great Belichick for years against the high-powered Colts offense. Last night Belichick resorted to on-side kicks and go-for -broke fourth and a mile plays to try and get his exhausted an beleaguered defense off the field. Finally, in desperation, he threw in the towel -- the red towel that is -- to review an obvious touchdown, just to give his guys a rest. The Patriots, those of the phantom injuries in the past, were no match for the relentless Indy no huddle offense. Seeing the defense butts dragging, Big Bill in desperation did the only thing he could -- he stalled, violated the very idea of the review rag. I guess Willie McGinnist just was too tired to fake another injury. This is the best the great and vaunted Belichick could come up with?

Junior

Pete Rose Jr. has lived his life trying to live up to the old man's standards. Despite years of journeyman work in the Minor Leagues, Rose Jr. just does not have the talent to play in the Majors, forget be a star like his dad.

We have to give Junior credit, he keeps trying to live up to his father's image, and now he just might have succeeded. He has admitted to cheating and lying. I guess blood does tell. Both are an embarrassment to baseball now.

November 7, 2005

Thanks

Thanks for everyone's kind words and thoughts, the severe weather and tornadoes were at the extreme SW corner of the state, some 3 hours from me. I live near Indianapolis. Please pray for those affected.

You ain't gettin' no rematch

I was channel surfing last night and there was a special on ESPN Classic last night showing some of Iron Mike Tyson's early fights. I had forgotten what an awesome fighter he was before he went to prison and became a joke, a cartoon character.

The guy could hit. I think he knocked out his opponent in 10 of his first 12 professional fights. I think 8 of those 10 were KOs in the first round. In one fight Tyson knocked the guy down with the very first punch he threw, maybe 3 seconds into the fight. He knocked him out with the second punch, after maybe 3-4 jabs. Tyson hit the guy so hard he literally lifted him off his feet.

Some of the early fights were cool, it was clearly club fighting, the video a handheld camera. In one poorly photographed fight you could here the punches, it sounded like the meat Rocky pounded on. That victim lasted about 1-1/2 minutes.

You could see some of the later, crazy Mike Tyson in one fight. The opponent came out and was swinging away. He caught Tyson with a solid uppercut, followed by a right cross. You could see the anger in Mike's face. He was pissed. He reached back and socked the guy immediately with a left hook that knocked him clean out. Impressive.

Where did it go wrong Iron Mike? You could have been the best ever.

Stupid People part 37

Against stupidity the very gods
Themselves contend in vain.
The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.
Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)


"You have to take into consideration, HB, that people are basically stupid", said one of my first supervisors. The lesson was indeed true. Of course he was not talking about YOU, reader, just people in general.

Today let us address the douchebag that is suing Home Depot because he got his ass glued to the toilet seat. Apparently some pranksters put superglue on the seat. His ass stuck. It took 20 minutes to get help, because the manager thought it was a joke. This is worth three million dollars? The jerk who sat on the glue said he almost died from stress and embarrassment. He has recovered enough to sue Home Depot and to pimp his website on the Today Show. He claims there were no more of the paper seat covers, so the store is responsible. Hey, dumbass, use toilet paper to wipe the seat. What kind of idiot just drops his pants and plops on a public toilet? Ever heard of Crabs, germs, feces? When you plop on a public seat and feel it is wet and sticky, wouldn't most of us jump up right away? Not making any accusations, but there are some people out there who would pretend to "slip" to get a few thousand bucks, why not get glued. I want to repeat, I am sure that is not the case here, probably.

T.O.: what more needs to be said. I addressed this butthead here. The man is a cancer, a plague to teams. His basic philosophy is there is no I in team, but there is an M and an E. At this point his issues outweigh his talent. Sadly, in an effort to recoup some of their wasted cash, the Eagles will let him go. Some other team will take him. If I were a super rich owner I would pay him his money and let the SOB rot, never to see the field for the remaining 6 years of his contract. Not getting attention, not getting to play, that would kill a media hungry, me first jerk like Owens. Ruin his career I say. Of course that is why I am here, not an owner of an NFL franchise -- poor business decisions.

November 4, 2005

Judicial Philosophy

Alli has a good post up about Judicial Philosophy. I too am disturbed about the push for a "Conservative" or "Liberal" judge. I want someone who will base their decision on the law, in the case of the Supreme Court, on the Constitution.

When I was in college, I spent a considerable amount of time on the study of History. I especially enjoyed those classes that focused on the study of historians. I spent a fair amount of time studying historians and their approach to history. You might tell me that a fact is a fact, history is what it is. I would disagree. Let us say in 49 BC Julius crossed a small river in northern Italy. He was on his way to market. Do we care? Is that history? What if he had a group of friends with him? Is that change your answer? The "fact" that 10 minutes later another guy named Julius (Caesar) crossed that same river, the Rubicon, is of great importance to us. The Roman Civil War, the Roman Empire, our Christian religion, our very language and culture are influenced by this single act. As a historian we have to look at episodes and actions in history to determine what "facts" are important.

Then we have to deal with our biases. If we are a supporter of Caesar the crossing of the Rubicon is a good thing. Let us look a little closer to home. For many of us, the overthrow of Saddam Hussein was a good thing. Even most of the anti-war crowd agree on this "fact". What if you were one of the elites in Iraq, a member of the ruling bureaucracy or a family member of such? Your take on the situation would be a little different. We all have biases. To the extent we can overcome those biases tells us how good historians or judges we can be. As you tell your grandchildren what it was like to be alive in the 1940s, or the 1960's you bring a set of biases to the table. American, British, French, and Russians of the era will have a different version of what happened in the 1930s and 1940s than a German or Japanese. Your position on Vietnam will color your perspective of the 1960s anti-war movement.

When we consider a Supreme Court Justice, many of us are looking for a strict Constitutionalist. We want a judge who does not see privacy rights in the commerce clause. A judge that does not consider the case law of Canada, Estonia, or Uzbekistan when deciding US Constitutional law. No matter how hard the Justice tries, he will bring his biases, his learning, his unique view of life with him. The degree that he can separate his personal beliefs from the Law, determines his place in history.

The ability to separate the law from personal beliefs, can a Catholic judge rule on cases involving Masons? Can a judge of African decent rule on the rights of the KKK to march? Did he rule in favor of the NRA, even though he finds guns loathsome? That is what Congress should look at when giving their "advise and consent". Look at the body of work: as a judge did the candidate rule fairly? Did he try to interpret the law in the strictest possible sense? Those questions are far more important than a man's religious or personal beliefs.

Truth in Reporting

As I read about the ongoing violence in France, I am struck that the news media is loath to report that a considerable amount of the rioting in France is by Muslims. If you read the linked story, it is implied, but never directly stated. Why is that? Are we so afraid that we might offend the Religion of Peace, that we will not state the obvious? Each of the 17 conflicts currently raging around the globe involve Muslims killing non-Muslims.

Can I also add that the UN has done nothing to stop these conflicts. The UN has never stopped a single war, conflict, police action, invasion, or killing in its entire history. Why are we not rid of this useless organization?

Swimming, anyone?

Eric at SWG has posted about the first girl to, um, get him going. In the spirit of openness, here is my first crush:


Yep, that is Esther Williams, she of the swimming spectacular; the swarmiest of the MGM musicals. She of the gorgeous swimsuits. Who was your first "crush", the woman who awakened your manhood?

November 3, 2005

Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.


Welcome to a few new members of the blogroll.

Difster, the atavist and jasons beach resort.

Go read them, tell them Hoosierboy sent you. Making changes to my template is no easy task for an computer illiterate old guy. These guys were worth it.


BTW, anyone recognize the title to this post?

Waiter, There is a fly in my soup...

I enjoy dining out. I cannot afford to do it as often as I like, or at the fancy and expensive joints. I like my waiter to be friendly and attentive, yet not intrusive. Showing up every two minutes just interrupts the conversation. I usually tip well, the result of eating out on an expense account, I guess. I usually get great service when I am traveling. Lone men usually are on an expense account, plus the restaurant wants to clear out the one top. i have waitress friends that say they hate big parties of women because women are notoriously bad tippers. Ditto large parties because some people always think someone else will leave the tip, or that they can hide in the group. Here are some tips to get a nice tip from the old HB.

1. Fill up my glass when it is empty. I do not want to wait on a refill of a soft drink. If I have a beer or wine, ask if I would like another. Refill the water. I should never sit with an empty glass. I should not have to ask for a refill.

2. I do not care to have small talk about the weather, the Pacers, or IU. Be professional, explain the menu, take the order. Smile.

3. Do not sit down at my table.

4. Under no circumstances should I have to wait while you serve every table in the area before you bring my bill or return to get my money. If I am finished eating, ask me if I need anything else. I will then ask for the check. Just be cause I am done eating the service does not end. The tip is reduced as I have to wait for you to come and get my money / bring my change.

5. A general note, the restaurant should be comfortable for the customers not the staff. If I am too cold to eat, I will not come back. I realize that a cold restaurant encourages customers to linger less over their meal. Turnover, baby. There is a fine line here, and many chain restaurants are crossing it.

6. A local restaurant has been out of Coke the last two times we went there. How is that possible? Go to the store and buy some damn liters. If they cannot even manage to stock the basics, I am curious how well the kitchen is run.

7. Sometimes orders are mixed up and orders are lost in the kitchen. This happened over the weekend to me. After waiting for an hour for my food, I think an offer to at least pay for my soft drinks or a dessert would be nice. Just a "sorry it took so long" left me pissed off. This is the manager's responsibility. The waitress paid the price in her tip, when it was not her fault. I did not expect my meal free, but a token gesture would have mollified me.

Do the above and you will get a minimum 20% tip every time.

November 2, 2005

Oldie but a goodie

I am very busy today, actually working. Here is an oldie I got from my brother, who wants to post on my blog. Should I let him?


My private part died today

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing
home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy
asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My private part died
today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my
condolences."

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with
his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the
hall
like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."

But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday
that my private part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.


"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing.

Union Rules

This is dedicated to you JimmyB:

A dedicated UAW union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, ! what cut do the girls get?"


"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered. Mightily

offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.



His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

That's more like it!" the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said.


I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

November 1, 2005

War on Mexico

I have long argued that immigration was the biggest threat to the future of the United States as we know it. Katies dad has a great idea on how to put a stop to it. A 25% tax on US dollars being sent to Mexico and points South is a great idea. Go read it and see if you do not agree.

Art imitates life -- part two

Art imitates life -- or Clinton is a dirtbag

Go check out this picture of Slick Willie Clinton at hoosier illuminati. You cannot even trust a picture of Slick Willie
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005