December 31, 2005

WHOO HOOO

For many of you it is just a speck of a weeks traffic, but I hit my 10,000th visitor last night. If you are from the Ozark, Alabama vicinity, and were here at around 11:45 last night, COME ON DOWN, you get the 10K visitor grand prize.

Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for your indulgence for the last nine months or so. I have enjoyed your comments, and I finally have an outlet for my bad jokes, rants, opinions, and pictures. I will have my 500th post in a few weeks as well.

Have a good time tonight, drink up. I am sure those out of the loop will believe you are celebrating something as mundane as the turning of the calendar...I will know better. You are all going out to celebrate the 10,000th hit to Fat in Indiana. After all, it is all about ME!

Happy New Year

Keyboard Chia



This is how you know you have been off work too long.

December 30, 2005

A Most Disturbing Sight

Last night the little one went to the high school basketball game, the oldest boy went to an under 21 club and the daughter (home from college) went to Indy with some friends to see a movie.

The wife and I found ourselves alone at home. I had a few suggestions on how to spend the evening. She did too. None of hers involved nudity, corn oil or a twister game. She won out, and that is how I found myself at the store getting a few items for supper.

I grabbed a couple of T-Bones, some asparagus and some large potatoes for baking. But I saw the most disturbing thing...the store already had the Valentines Day decorations and candy out. It is not even New Years! We have now developed a marketing culture of one steady 8-month long Holiday.

You know what I mean. The famous labordayholloweenthanksgivingchristmasnewyearsvalentinessaintpatrick day holiday. It lasts from August until March. We get a month or two break as the marketers try to press July 4th (the single greatest holiday)white sales on us. Then it all starts again. I think I will boycott. Maybe I will just drink until I forget. No one is going to mass market me. I will just get my Superbowl commemorative glasses and enjoy the Bud Bowl.

December 26, 2005

I can't believe I ate the whole thing...

Well, I had a wonderful Christmas. The kids were pleased, I do not think they got anything they do not like. I got some new books, CDs and movies. A Colts shirt and new tie as well.

I fixed a nice turkey dinner last night, then we played Scene it and Trivial Pursuit last night.

We got a nice dusting of snow yesterday to round things off nicely.

Then I got up about 4 am. I have been puking until about an hour ago. I hope it is not my cooking, but no one else is sick. I was sure I was in serious trouble as I was puking copious amounts of blood. I was ready to get up my wife to take me to the hospital (bloody barf is bad, I believe), then I remembered I had a red cream soda earlier.

I still feel lousy though.

Hope your Christmas was good as well.

December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas

I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, A Rambunctious Ramadan, and to my agnostic/atheist readers...well, have a good day.

Thanks you for reading and I will post again after the big day -- at the latest.

My heart goes out

R.I.P James Dungy

I hope you find the peace and comfort you were seeking.
Please say a prayer for the Dungy family.

Sorority Barbie

December 22, 2005

Barbie Season

As it is Christmas time many young girls are asking Santa to bring Barbies, Barbie Clthes and Barbie stuff in general. I will post pictures in the coming days of several Barbies you may not know exist. (ht otter)

Here is Welfare Barbie:

December 21, 2005

Media Bias part deux

Like the title? See, even ignorant Hoosiers can drop a bit of parlez vous into the conversation -- and that brings us to the topic for today.

Just because we in the Midwest and south talk a bit slower or have an accent does not make us stupid. I am sure this is a bias many of my friends from down south face daily. For those of us in the Midwest we are targeted as well. Here is a flash for you Yankees in the Northeast (and southern people get it straight -- people from the Midwest and west are not and have never been Yankees. That is a term for people and assholes from New England), we do have TV, and plays, and museums, and art here in flyover country. We are able to grow your food, build your cars and appliances.

Is there an East Coast media bias? In politics that is clear. How about in sports? For the past several days there has been a concerted movement to place Tiki Barber and Tom Brady as the MVPs of the NFL. Both are fine players, but there are at least four players more deserving. Why are they not getting the press? They play for teams in the west and Midwest.

Carson Palmer has been the best QB in the league this year. Payton Manning has put up unbelievable numbers again. Shaun Alexander and LaDanian Thompson are better all around backs than Barber. Brady get the accolades because he has played well despite his team being riddled with injuries. If we are looking for the best quarterback on a bad or unsuccessful team we should certainly be looking at Brett Favre and Kurt Warner. As far as long-term success, it would be impossible not to look at Manning -- his numbers are astonishing unless you compare to last year. He has lead his team to a 13-1 start. Palmer has been simply brilliant.

Of course it may be a coincidence that bone of the guys listed play for teams in major media outlets. It may be a coincidence that both the SI and ESPN websites published articles yesterday hyping Barber and Brady. Right.

December 20, 2005

Tuesday Rant

I once received an award for a term paper I wrote in College. I will not make claims to its quality, but the research and writing the paper was a labor of love. The paper was titled "Censorship in War time : Justifications and Causes" or some other such bullshit, I really do not remember. I studied an episode in history, and compared the actual events to what was reported in the newspapers of the day. I made great efforts to make sure I used primary sources, secondary sources, and oral histories to see what really happened.

I compared the events of the Battle of the Bulge in WWII to what the reporters of the day told the public. The Battle of the Bulge or Ardennes Forrest was a pivotal moment in the history of warfare. The Allies came perilously close to collapsing. The war may have raged much longer than 6 more months with a German victory. I intended to write a little about this titanic battle fought in the freezing cold and snowy December 61 years ago, but current news events have influenced me to go on a different tangent.

When I did my comparison to actual events in the Ardennes Forest, I used articles from the NY Times as the basis for the "current" news reports. One could have made the argument (and I did) that as the TIMES went, so did the nation.

The idea of newspapers creating news rather than reporting it is not new. In fact the idea of a "neutral, unbiased" newspaper is far from the truth in our history. One only need to read the newspapers from the Revolutionary era, the Civil war or Reconstruction to see that newspapers took a clear position on the issues of the day. The reports from the beginning of the 20th Century are famous for their biases. The term 'yellow journalism" was coined to describe the editorial slant of the articles and the editorials pages in the time of the Spanish American War. It is only in modern times that journalism schools have preached the "objective reporter" school.

Not to get off the subject, but most of you know that reporters during WWII often did not report the facts of troop movements or impending battle plans. The reporters and newspapers knew our country was in a struggle for its very existence. During the Battle of the Bulge, the TIMES reported there was a minor skirmish in the Ardennes, when in fact the Germans had driven a salient nearly fifty miles into our lines. Days later they reported light casualties when it looked as if we were going to break, giving the Axis a clear path to our supply depots on the sea.

The morale and spirit of the homefront was essential to the war effort. The truth was printed weeks later, but only in small doses. The reporters often censored the news themselves. Was this right? I will leave it up to you, but my opinion is that in times of war sometimes extraordinary efforts are required.

That brings me to today. In recent decades it has become the philosophy of the TIMES andthe liberal media to become "gotcha" journalists. The sensationalism of the story is secondary to the scoop, and especially if it can be harmful to Conservative leaders. I find the publication of the Pentagon Papers to be one of the ultimate treasonous acts in the last 50 years, ranking with the selling of our nuclear secrets by the Rosenbergs (yes Ethel I think you betrayed our country with your Jello boxes).

The Times has continued its policy of hurting America's war efforts into this century. The over reporting and sensationalism associated with the Abu Gharib "tortures" (I was "tortured worse in Fraternity hazings) and now the "spy scandal" reports have done much to hurt our Nation's credibility and war efforts. The irresponsible Newsweek reports got people killed over lies of Koran desecration. The TIMES jumped on that bandwagon too.

I do not have a big problem with newspapers taking a political stand. As we discussed above, that has been the norm for centuries. My complaint is the Times and liberal media pretends they do not have a bias. Dan Rather preferred humiliation and "retirement" as opposed to admitting shoddy journalism and extreme bias.

When reporting begins to hurt National Security and make it easier for those who wish harm on our country we are bordering on treason. We are at war. Our Nation's survival has not been graver danger since that cold December 61 years ago in Belgium. Not only does the article headlines cover a half-truth that Senators and Congressmen were briefed on the domestic spying activities, but the courts did approve of the activity. A half truth is more lie than truth, and a lie is a lie. Shame on you New York Times, to put your circulation, your political bias, your hatred for GW Bush, and yes -- America-- before the the rights of those who want to destroy our country. The real irony is that if our enemies get their way, the news outlets will be the first to loose their freedoms.

I am not the first, and many will say it more clearly, but if you have such a hatred of this country feel free to relocate. Name one place on Earth with more freedom, more prosperity, more to offer its citizens. Our Government has many shortfalls, our President has made mistakes. Doing your best to destroy him personally at the expense of our ongoing freedoms is reprehensible. The saddest aspect is that much of the venom and hatred found on the left is spite. It is an effort to repay the Conservative base for the charges against Clinton. Let us not forget that he was not impeached for having tryst. Clinton was impeached for committing perjury, to lying under oath in a court of law. The chant of the liberal left is "Bush lied, people died". He made the same charges against Iraq as his predecessor, and Germany, and France, and the UN. Yet somehow the PROVEN liar, Wm Clinton, is made out to be a martyr, yet a Bush is called the liar. Alice, where is the rabbit hole?

I do NOT heart NY

If you live in New York City I am sure you have better access to museums, plays, and a wide variety of shopping and dining choices. You also have more crime, cramped housing, homeless, parking troubles, and higher costs of living. You also have mimes, that alone is enough to make me declare the following.

I am sure I speak for many when I say I do not care if your transit workers are on strike. I do not care about your internal problems at all. What happens in your liberal tax hole are as important to me a the municipal elections in Altoona , PA. Just because you live there, writers and readers of the news does not make your city a story. Let it go, it should not dominate the entire news cast.

Every person I have met from or in NYC is a liberal, self-centered asshat. The sun neither rises nor sets on you dirty cramped streets. Get over yourselves.

edit: OK, everyone except Moonbattie, and maybe this one guy who lives down on Hester Street...

December 19, 2005

Democrat Buttheads

I received this in an Email from Otter:

For Our Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year





For Our Democrat Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

December 17, 2005

weekend cartoon

I have a bunch of these sent by Otter


December 16, 2005

Tough enough for lunch?

I wrote about my high school friend Jeff the other day. One time I was at his house and he asked me if I wanted to go with him to buy a gun. I had nothing else to do so we hopped on his motorcycle and headed off. We went to the rendering plant to see a guy his cousin knew (welcome to the rural Midwest) who had a gun for sale.

For those of you who do not know what a rendering plant is I will try to explain. The FDA has strict rules on the condition a farm animal must be in to be sold as meat. The first criteria is that the animal must be alive prior to slaughter. The animal can be only of a certain age and cannot have sores, broken legs etc. Of course there are horses, mules, goats and other animals that are usually not popular cuts of meat in this country. A rendering plant takes those animals and basically boils them down for other uses. They collect the hides for leather goods and grind the bones for meal. You get the picture. I can remember as a boy seeing the trucks go through town with the legs and heads of animals sticking out the tarp covered top of the dump truck.

We arrived at the rendering plant around 11:00 as Jeff had agreed. The smell was rancid as the dead and decaying animals were cooked into glue and fat. We soon found Gary, the guy with the gun. He was outside the open doors to the plant eating his lunch. He was sitting on a dead horse. His brown lunch bag was open next him. It too was laying on the horse. He ate a soggy bologna sandwich with one hand as he reached into the bag for chips with the other. A thermos was open at his feet. Gary greeted Jeff an me like old buddies and offered us a drink from his Thermos. I politely declined.

After some chit chat, we went to his car to look at the gun. By now the smell had begun to eat away at my sinuses, I could taste the decaying flesh on my tongue. I was beyond nauseous, I was dizzy and ill. Jeff completed the purchase and we climbed back on his bike. I held the gun by the action and supported the but on my thigh, just like the Duke riding shotgun. As we traveled back to town the fresh air finally cleared my head. I imagine we were a sight cruising through the countryside; gun at the ready. We were modern day cowboys on posse hunt. Well, maybe that should read pussy hunt -- I was 16!

Open letter to the ladies

This is an open letter to all women, especially those between 50 and 70 years of age. It is directed specifically to the 60ish lady with the purple dyed hair who parked two spaces down from me at lunch.

If I can smell you perfume from 15 feet away it is too strong. This is especially true if we are outdoors. Purple-hair lady, you may think you are hot with your knee high rubber boots and split skirt. Who am I to judge, but your perfume nearly gagged me. I do not know who you are trying to catch, but that scent will only attract fruit bats. My goodness, do you stink so bad you need to cover your rancid stench? Try bathing.

Look, I guess some people may be attracted by perfumes and colognes. They make me woozy and sneezy and teary-eyed. Nothing can ruin a meal or a movie than some whored up and perfumed old woman infecting the air with a roses and rancid roadkill eau de cologne (that means smelly water in French).

For my opinion (valuable to all of discerning taste), the decaying fish, flowers, and fruit smell of perfume is far more clingy and annoying than cigarette smoke. Lets try creating a no-perfume section at Applebee's. Are you listening nanny-state lawmakers?

Dear Santa, do not read this post


How evil are you?



stolen form GOC

December 15, 2005

Be careful of your wishes

As I opened the door to my office building this morning a fly brushed past my face heading outside. It was snowing / sleeting / raining. He should have stayed inside.

Here is a little poll for you. I have a great deal of interest in my fellow man and I really care what you are doing for Christmas (those that know me are now falling off the chair laughing and choking). Ok I really do not care, but it will be a fun exercise, and a good filler post -- I expect you to participate.

1. What are you giving this year for Christmas?
2. Do you listen to Christmas music?
3. Do you prefer the traditional carols or the newer stuff.
4. Do you like the old singers (Martin, Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Julie Andrews, etc.) or new pop versions of Christmas songs?
5. What are you wishing for this Christmas?
6. What would you desire if money was not an object?
7. What will you eat on Christmas?
8. Be honest, how many of you are secretly hoping to get laid for Christmas?
9. Is your shopping done?
10.Were you naughty or nice this year?

Inquiring minds want to know...

December 14, 2005

How drinking beer taught me to drive a manual transmission


When I was younger I did a lot of stupid, stupid, stupid things. I want that on the record. I was an underage drinker. I drove when drinking. I rode with people who were drinking. I was an idiot. If you are underage do not drink. If you drink do not drive. I cannot be more clear on my current stance on this issue. I also have to say, while we are being honest, I had a good time in my youth.

My friend Jeff had a Camaro, early 70's version, fast as hell. It was a five speed. We would go out cruising and having a good time, and often we would get some beer. I sincerely do not remember where we got the stuff. There was a myriad of sources, somehow we just ended up with it. More often than not our drink of choice was Little Kings Cream Ale. The second choice was usually Stroh's. At the time I really liked Little Kings. I was going to say that after I left for College until this day I did not ever have another one of these small-but-mighty brews, but I just remembered I was given a case of this Cream Ale as a going away gift when I left my first real job.

I digress. It is impossible to steer, shift and drink beer at the same time. I learned to shift with my left hand while Jeff drank and did the clutch work. I got to the point that I knew when he needed to shift by the revs on the engine and we could go up and down through the gears without even thinking about it. We drove and drank all night with nary a word about shifting. When I got my first vehicle with a manual transmission it was easy to put that shifting skill to work.

I do wonder, more than 25 years later, why I didn't just hold his beer while he shifted? Like I said, I was stupid and young. Wait, I know the answer, we would have been passing the beer back and forth all the time. It was easier to just get drunk and let the navigator/beertender handle the shift work. Heh, I was smarter than I thought.

New Yorkers

December 13, 2005

Gimme, Gimme, you owe me

As Americans we have named those born in a certain era with nicknames. Those of the Greatest Generation were those who lived through the Great Depression and won WWII. The Lost Generation were those that survived the horrors of WWI. Less respectful we have called the baby boomers the Me Generation and those who came later Generation X. I think we have developed a whole new class of citizens in this country -- The Entitlement Generation. Bear with me, this is a long post, and I am afraid I lack the skills to make my case as clear as I hope.

This term applies just not to the Senior Citizens who insist the Government owes them cheap drugs or medical care. The Entitlement Generation goes beyond welfare queens and whole generations who have lived on the public dole. It is an attitude that we are "owed something". We often hear "it is not fair", "there should be a law", or some such.

As I get older I am sure I will change my attitude, but the AARP aged folks who insist they should get reduced and discounted food at restaurants fit into this category. If you are living on a "fixed income" (those who have read me for long know how I feel about that term) and demand discounted coffee at McDonald's you should be at home fixing your own coffee for pennies a cup if the 89 cents is too steep for you.

What really bothers me is much deeper than this. Just who the hell does Cindy Sheehan think she is to demand the President give her a private meeting? Should Bush meet with the family of every serviceman who has lost their life for their country? Is the death of Sheehan's son any more tragic than the young airman killed in a training crash, or the sailor killed in an accident at sea? I think not. But somehow she has become convinced her case is more significant than the rest.

I will use as further examples of attitudes run amok in today's society from the world of sports. The Case of TO is well documented. He hated his quarterback, coaches and management at San Francisco. He was eventually traded (first to Baltimore which did not suit him) to Philadelphia. He signed a seven year contract that may or not have paid him adequately for his skills. He signed the contract, there was no duress, no gun to the head of his wife and children. If he did not know what he was signing, he should have sought expert advise. If the experts advised him to agree to the contract the beef is with the agents and lawyers, not the football team. After the expiration of 1/7th of the contract he wanted more. The club said no. Owens proceeded to disrupt his team, disparage his teammates, his coaches and the owners of the Eagles. He got what he deserved -- booted for the year. What made him think he was entitled to anything? What made him believe the rules were for everyone else on the team but him?

Eric Moulds a receiver for Buffalo was suspended last week because he refused to play, to meet with coaches and practice. His grievance -- the quarterback threw too many balls to another receiver. Boo fricken hoo. I guess you are entitled to have passes thrown to you.

Perhaps the most egregious case is that of Ron Artest of the Indiana Pacers. He has thrown tantrums and been penalized repeatedly over the last several years. This jerk had the audacity last year early in the season to complain that the Pacers, who are paying him a significant amount of money to PLAY BASKETBALL would not let him have some time off to promote his company's rap album. Shortly thereafter he led the riot in Detroit that ruined his teams season and led to his year long suspension. Now, after he cost his teammates a run at the title last year and significant playing time and salary, Artest wants out of his contract. He does not like the coach. Again, Boo frickin hoo.

I hear young people say that Bill Gates does not deserve his wealth. Regardless of your opinions on his product, he risked his own money and built the largest software and operating system in the world. He did it by hard work, and through savvy business deals. He deserves every penny.

Somehow our country has developed an attitude that we are owed something. We do not have the right to success, the right to not be offended, the right to public acceptance of our lifestyle and ideals. We are guaranteed the same opportunity to HAVE success. We are guaranteed the right to offend someone. We are guaranteed the right to believe as we choose.

You can dress in baggy pants that would look great on a circus clown. You can spike your hair into a purple Mohawk. You can pierce your body until you look like a human pin cushion. I still have the right to laugh at you because I think you look ridiculous. You can have all the tattoos you like, I can still think you look like a comic book. You can wear your hat sideways and circle your neck with chains and gold. You can tell me "yo yo what up" and I can pretend you are not speaking English. See that is rights. You are not entitled to my respect, nor I yours.

You are not entitled to a job. You are not entitled to wealth. You do have the right to work hard and create success for you and your family. You do not have to right to be admitted to Harvard or Michigan or UCLA or Stanford based on your DNA or the amount of pigment in your skin. You do have the right based on your intelligence, test scores, athletic ability or community and school activities. You have the right to pursue success.

If you do not like eating in a restaurant that caters to smokers, stay away from that establishment. Hit the owner where it hurts, his wallet. If enough people want smoke free dining the market will create those places. Want to smoke after dinner, patronize smoke-friendly eataries. Why does the Government have to get involved? I challenge anyone to show me how regulating smoking is in the government's best interest. Business owners want to force local governments to make their establishments smoke free because they lack the guts to declare a position on their own -- they might offend someone.

Finally, you have no rights based on your sexual preferences. What you do in the privacy of your home is your business. Should I get a promotion because I get laid every week? Should I be rewarded because I never get sex? Should an employer fire me because I am fat, skinny or bald? If I weigh 800 pounds do I represent my employer in a positive manner when I call on customers? How about if I weigh 200 pounds, have a five o'clock shadow, a hairy chest and choose to wear women's clothes?
You do not have the right to not be offended. Do not like Christmas? Fuck off, 85% of the country is Christian or agnostic. I am not offended that Jews do not eat pork, why should I care if the Christmas tree in the downtown is called, well a Christmas tree? Isn't that what it is? Is there anyone fooled when we call it a Holiday Tree? Do you want to celebrate Kwanza? Go ahead, it is none of my business if you want to celebrate a holiday made up by a leftist, white hating American. The holiday is no more authentic than the annual kool-aid party at Jonestown, but it is NONE of my business.

You see, you are not entitled to diddly. Get over it, be a teammate. You signed the contract and took the money. Support your country or move. Work hard, create success. Get over yourself, I do not owe you anything.

Our forefathers risked everything to overthrow the yoke of tyranny. They risked their lives so we could escape overwhelming government. Yet in little more than 200 years we have developed a government with powers that would make the creators of the Constitution cry. We are raising a whole new generation that only cries for more, gimme, gimme. Too many of us think we are owed. I, for one, intend to look at my life and act on it. I am going to try hard and make sure I do not develop the entitlement disease. When I show those symptoms; hit me with a ball bat.

Americans With No Abilities Act

Go read this post to get your chuckle for today. Like all good humor there is an element of truth involved.

Sadly, I do not doubt such an act could be written, supported and passed by the Dimocrats.

December 12, 2005

I am about to pee my pants

This is that funny. It is not often I get to combined two of my favorite subjects, politics and sports. Like many of you I am sick of the MSM reporting of anything but the facts in Iraq. Ever wonder what it would be like if the political reporters had to cover sports? Read this and see.

HT to the delftsman.

December 11, 2005

Esiason -- you are wrong again

For what I think is the ninth of the 13 weeks so far, I think the legendary (in his mind) Boomer Esiason has predicted the Colts will lose. They won their 13th in a row. The score was not as close as it seemed. The Colts can score at will and hold the opponent when they need to. They can play a tough, physical game, a finnesse game. Whatever the opponent brings, the Colts gobble it up.

Go ahead, Boomer, choose San Deiego next week. Do you think Manning will have any success against that vaunted number 24 pass defense? LT will get his yards, but Can SD keep up with the Colts offense? Want a scoring contest? I know who I will take.

Until you pick against the Colts next week I offer you this Boomer: eat me.

He Lives !

Sorry for my lack of posting this weekend. The boys have been on the computer literally from early in the morning until well into the next. I forgot to load some pix or cartoons so I did not even get 5 minutes to put up a post.

I took the little one sledding Friday afternoon. He snowboarded, while I used my trusty Flexible Flyer from my youth. I heard one little kid tell his dad to look at my funny sled. The dad replied that my sled is the "old fashioned kind". I knew they were all laughing behind their plastic sleds and disks until I launched myself down the hill and flew faster and further than anyone. Punks.

I was shoveling out my driveway Friday morning. We got about 8 inches of snow. A guy came around with a shovel trying to earn a few bucks. He wanted to know if there were any old people around that might need him to shovel. I suggested the house next door. He came back a few minutes later. He said they gave him $20 to clean off the porch and shovel a path to the mailbox. Asshole, I should have gone over there myself -- or sent the boys. The story of my life: missed financial opportunities.

We will have a big battle today, I think. The wife and Christmas shopping vs. Hoosierboy wants to watch the Colts. Anyone want to take a bet on who wins?

December 9, 2005

Breaking news

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not beenable to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

December 8, 2005

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

We are expecting 4-8 inches of snow today. As I returned to the office from my appointment this morning it was not snowing yet. It began after 2:00, and there is already more than 1/2 inch on the ground(2:30). I can barely see the gas station or KFC across the street. I may have to send myself home early (heh heh). In any case, it is serious French toast weather* here in central Indiana.

edit: as of 2:45 there is one full inch of snow according to my trusty wooden ruler



* note : for some reason anytime we get bad weather everyone here thinks they need to go to the store and buy large amounts of eggs, bread, and milk.

December 7, 2005

A day that shall live in infamy






On December 7, 1941 the United States was attacked by an unprovoked antagonist against military and civilian targets in the territory of Hawaii. The death and destruction was even greater than that at the WTC and Pentagon attacks of 9/11.

Killed and Missing

Navy 2,008
Marine Corps 109
Army 218
Civilian 68
total 2,403

Wounded
Navy 710
Marine 69
Army 364
Civi;ian 68
Total 1,178

Grand total of casualties = 3,581


This attack brought the United States into WW II, where the greatest generation saved the world for Democracy. Our thanks: hatred by the French and Germans, desecration of American graves in Normandy and displays in our own country that blame the US for Japan's attack. I have not forgotten the lives and sacrifices made by my forbears. Thank you. I will not forget Pearl Harbor.

December 6, 2005

Die, you traitor bastard

Am I the only one who thinks we should immediately bring home Ramsey Clark and put his sorry ass on trial for treason? The guy is the poster child for scum lawyers.

From the time he left service as Attorney General, he has done his best to discredit the United States. His traitorous activities began when he flew to Hanoi during the Vietnam War and have continued through the decades. He defended the Islamofascist who tried to blow up the World Trade Center the first time. I have no doubt he would have been first in line to defend Mohammed Abbas and his ilk if they had not the misfortune of blowing their sorry asses to hell first.

He has represented Nazis and war criminals all over the world. Now he is protesting that Saddam is the legitimate ruler of Iraq, and the courts there have no jurisdiction. What a rat bastard, slut, whore , motherfucking dickwad asshole. Slow torture is too good for him. I hope on a very small level, Saddam wins. Then he can take Ramsey Clark and feed him through a log shredder feet first, after gassing him with mustard gas.

When are we going to step up and start treating the people who actively try to destroy our country like the traitors they are?

I cannot think of a witty title

True Friendship

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always
sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a
series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and
plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever
is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.


4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it
every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about
how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until
you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".


Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but
only you can feel the true warmth.

December 5, 2005

Prologue

The silence of the pre-dawn morning was broken only by the occasional car or truck passing on the snow-slick two-lane highway. A car slowed to a crawl as if closing in upon its prey. The rear end slid a little as the sedan skidded to a stop. The darkness was broken by the white flash of backup lights as the vehicle slowly backed up four dozen yards and turned into a narrow driveway. The sounds of a straining engine could be heard through the barely falling snow as the car lumbered through the mud and slush. The headlights bounced up and down and side to side in duplication of the rutted road. Snowflakes danced in the twin beams like chorus girls in the spotlight. Round and round they spun, climbing and falling to the ground in the wake of the slowly moving automobile.

The car coasted to a stop in front of a run-down farmhouse. The roof was partially caved in and the awning over the porch had long since been consumed as firewood. The glow of a cigarette could be vaguely seen through the frosted windows of the idling car. The engine cut out as the door opened. A short figure in a bulky overcoat climbed out of the dark vehicle. The cigarette arced a path through the darkness as it was flipped into the distance. The man looked to the east as the first rays of dawn began to spread their pink and orange fingers through the clouds of the night sky. It had stopped snowing. The man's breath made clouds around his head in the early morning cold.

The man huddled next to the car until the sun began to peak over the horizon. He opened his trousers and relieved himself on the left rear tire before clearing his throat and spitting in the direction of the vanished cigarette. He slowly made his way toward the house.

The man mounted the sagging steps, hesitated and ducked through the doorless entryway. The sun’s weak rays provided just enough light for the figure to navigate the littered hallway. He made his way to what was the front living room. The television set and VCR were strangely incongruous in the surroundings.

He started the gas-powered generator. Its sound filled the early morning air. The man involuntarily winced at the noise. He lit another Camel and turned on the TV. Static changed to a blue screen as the VCR powered on. The tape was over after three minutes. He poured steaming coffee from a large green Thermos and went to the corner to relieve himself yet again. He sat down and watched the tape twice more.

His assignment was clear. The Vice President of the United States was to attend the “Greatest Spectacle in Sports” – the Indianapolis 500 in just four and one half months hence. In May the Indianapolis 500 gets top attention in the papers: not this year. This year the Vice President would be assassinated while attending the race. The man in the bulky overcoat watched the film yet again. The man would go to Indianapolis tomorrow and begin laying the plan to kill the heir apparent to the Presidency.

He picked up all of his cigarette butts and placed them in his pocket. From his briefcase, he took a wad of plastic-like gel. He first stuck the plastique to the side of the generator and then added a detonator. He was seven miles away on the interstate when the farmhouse disintegrated into a ball of flame.

Say it ain't so...

Did you ever have one of those memories that are a little fuzzy, you cannot remember if they are true? Did you read of the event, or see it in a movie? Did it happen to someone else and you were told of it? Is it a real memory you have tried to suppress?

This morning in the shower, I was jolted awake by one of those memories. Man I hope it was one of the scenarios above that were not me and not real. This memory involved the discovery of a stash of condoms kept by a particularly obnoxious, asshole, jerk fraternity brother. The memory is of taking a pin and poking minute holes in every rubber in the box. God, I hope I did not do that, someone tell me that is an "obtained memory".

Sadly, I think it happened.

December 2, 2005

A sad commentary or I hate the ACLU, the ICLU any CLU


Prayers addressed to the Indiana Assembly no longer may contain the words "Jesus" or "Christ". "Allah" and "Mahomet", of course, are stilled allowed. Freedom of speech is only an issue apparently if it is in favor of non-Christians.

Yes. Hooray, Alright

In an update to this post, the doorbell rang late yesterday evening I was excited to answer the door. I was sadly disappointed. It was just a couple of Mormans trying to save my soul.

When I was first married I worked the afternoon and evenings most days. I often spent most nights drinking. I had a big headache one morning when the doorbell rang. I answered the door to a nice man and woman who wanted to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I made the huge mistake of telling them I was a Devil worshiper. They went nuts. They became even more concerned for my soul when I tried to explain that I was just joking. I finally had to shut the door in their face.

They came back three straight mornings. Man, I was an asshole in those days.

new car

I just got my new Lexus RX400h, and returned to the dealer the next day,
with the complaint that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The
salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" He said, "Nelson! The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" He continued....and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
say,"Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
"Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved just in time to avoid them.

"ASSHOLES!" I yelled.....

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda,Barbra
Streisand,and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on lead guitar, Ted
Kennedy on rhythm guitar,Al Sharpton on bass guitar,Jesse Jackson on
organ,Al Gore on drums,Bill Clinton on sax, and Hillary Clinton,Charles
Schumer,Barbara Boxer,and John Edwards singing backup vocals...

DAMN...I LOVE this car!

December 1, 2005

Christmas trees


This is the view in the Hoosierboy living room, with the little, or "Charlie Brown" tree. You can see part of the wife's redware collection to the right. This tree is decorated with handmade ornaments.

The big tree (8.5 foot) is in the living room. A few years ago I was being a smartass and decorated the tree with those icicle lights. I laid each icicle strand along a branch. The wife was complaining that there were not enough lights on the tree. Now I have to do it every year. It takes about three hours just to put the big tree up. Since it takes so long I now refuse to put on ornaments, a tedious job at best. The outside is done up with white lights all around.

Merry Christmas

Sometimes you run across stuff in the blog world that is so pure, so heartfelt, it makes you wish you could write like that. Here is a fine example from JamesOldGuy:

What would I really want for Christmas? My mind went through the usually list of things that cost a ton of money but that is not really what I wanted. It finally hit me as I drifted off to sleep. I want to be innocent again, I want to wake up Christmas morning as an 6 year old kid. I want to hear my mom fixing breakfast, and my dad sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and nursing a small hangover from putting toys together all night with his friend Mr. Daniels. I want to run in the living room in my jimmies with my brothers and look at the tree with all the presents under it. I want to see that new sled under the tree and look out the window to a fresh coving of snow. I want to sit there and open toys as mom and dad sit on the couch and smile and laugh at their three crazy boys. I want the smell of Christmas dinner being prepared and a house filled with warmth and love and a family. That is what I really want, but I will have to settle for the memories

Damn that is perfect.

Panic, Panic, it is the only answer

OH MY GOD IT IS SNOWING We must all panic. We should go to the store and buy bread,eggs and milk (I guess so we can make French toast?).

Good thing the weatherman has begun his updates every five minutes. We have the news crews out in force, location shots from the whole area. Mobiltrack is out giving live shots.

The City and State had crews out at 1:00 am to make sure the roads were clear, even though the snow was not expected before 6:00 am.

It is awful, panic, panic. We now have 1/4 inch of snow, less than one inch is expected. The roads are actually WET!

For God's sake you would think we lived in Raleigh or Atlanta.

Give me a break.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005