March 31, 2006
March 28, 2006
We got there late Friday, very little adult beverage consumption for me the driver…but when Saturday morning rolled around I hit it hard…. Bloody Marys with breakfast, a pint of Guinness at every bar, lunch and more Guinness, the afternoon saw more Guinness and the addition of Irish Whiskey to the mix, now it was time to head off to the concert!
Obviously, feeling no pain what so ever, I enjoyed the show….until the next morning! My ears rang from the music (although the night before I thought they should turn it up some!). My head felt like shit, my stomach felt like shit, and in general, I felt like shit. Plus I was facing a 4 hour drive home……the solution, Bloody Mary, 6 Tylenol, and hit the road…I’m getting too old for this!
March 24, 2006
I will be gone for the next week spending time with 4/5ths of my family. The daughter had spring break last week, she is back at college studying 7 days a week, especially Friday and Saturday nights...really, she told me so...
Posting will be sparse, maybe some cartoons, maybe Otter will drop by. Maybe you will get nada, nothing, give back the everlasting gobstopper, Charlie...
I will be back, do not forget about me. I know you will not.
I can hear you calling now. Shane...Mother likes you...Shane...Hoooosierbooooyyyyyyy come baaaaaackkkkkk....
March 23, 2006
After 15 months of war, the fledgling Congress felt the necessity to formally declare their independence from England. In that subsequent document, the authors not only said why they needed independence, but added what they felt a government should be providing its citizens. It is amazing how the Constitution fufills the requirements for a just and sound government as defined by the Declaration of Independence. Here are just a few examples:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
Compare these stated goals with the Preamble to the Constitution:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
The Constitution states it will provide the citizens with Life (general welfare) Liberty (liberty common defence) and the Pursuit of Happiness (blessing of liberty, general welfare).
to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed.
The Constitution sets up a government based on a representative republic, derived from the power of the citizen, not a king or royalty.
All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives...The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People of the several States...The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State
Here are a few more examples of complaints found in the Declaration of Independence and how the Constitution made sure those abuses could not occur in the future:
He has kept among us, in times of Peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
These are but a few examples. Read the documents, be amazed.
March 22, 2006
I enjoy having an outlet to vent, to ramble, to tell jokes. Thank you to each of you who stop by Fat in Indiana. I hope to keep throwing out my work, seeing what sticks to the wall.
I would like to give a big thanks to Zombie Silas, Alli, and OG, who were among my earliest readers. I would like to thank Denny at Grouchy Old Cripple, who gave me a "crippleanche" that increased my readers exponentially from the 15 a day I enjoyed at that time. Hell, 13 of the fifteen were probably me, just checking to see if anyone was reading! I want to thank all of you who have linked to me and commented, I do not want to leave anyone out, but if you look at the blogroll over there on the right you will see your name.
Over the last year I have posted some pretty good jokes and cartoons. I have had a few posts that I am very proud of, like this and especially this one. This one and this still crack me up.
Thank you for stopping by, thank you for letting me share my life, believe me when I say the pleasure continues to be mine.
March 21, 2006
I'm a melancholy man, that's what I am,
All the world surrounds me, and my feet are on the ground.
I'm a very lonely man, doing what I can,
All the world astounds me and I think I understand
That we're going to keep growing, wait and see.
When all the stars are falling down
Into the sea and on the ground,
And angry voices carry on the wind,
A beam of light will fill your head
And you'll remember what's been said
By all the good men this world's ever known.
Another man is what you'll see,
Who looks like you and looks like me,
And yet somehow he will not feel the same,
His life caught up in misery, he doesn't think like you and me,
'cause he can't see what you and I can see.
-- Melancholy Man
--The Moody Blues from the album A Question of Balance
What song defines your existence today?
March 20, 2006
I fully expect things to get worse in coming days and months. Posting may be sparse.
March 18, 2006
March 17, 2006
I am now giving you a couple of new links -- Bad Bad Juju and The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns. Read them. Love them. You will be entertained. These are more examples of my giving nature.
Now I am asking something from you. There are two big anniversaries next week, on Monday the swallows will return to Capistrano, spring will begin, and it is my 44th Birthday. On Wednesday it will be the blogaversary of Fat In Indiana. I am sure you are now making a list of ways to celebrate these HUGE events. I can save you time. Here are your options:
1. Send me money. I suspect most, if not all of you will pass on this option.
2. Give me a link. Encourage your readers to also celebrate my big days.
3. Give me a comment on Monday.
Remember the goal is Hits for Hoosierboy.
I am posting this today so you have the entire weekend to draft, polish and prepare your flattery, reflections, tributes, testimonials, salutes, endorsments, and praise for this website. Remember every drink you have today is in my honor, along with St. Patrick. We should all salute a man who hated snakes as much as I.
Dig deep. It is time to reward me for all my hard work over the last year keeping you entertained, informed, and educated. It is a small price to pay. Do it for the Kids. Do it for all of the pets in the shelters. Do it for Mother Earth. Do it for me.
REMEMBER, IF YOU ARE NOT DOING SOMETHING FOR ME, YOU SHOULD BE HELPING AND SUPPORTING SOMEONE WHO IS.
I went to the hall bathroom to do my business. I had suffered from abdominal cramps all day, with nary to show for it. I finally found the relief I was looking for.
As is my wont, I checked the stool for the auguries. It is good to know what lies in wait. I noticed the stool: the water was a deep dark red.
Holy Shit (no, no, try another exclamation), Holy Cow, I am shitting major blood.
What to do, I loathe doctors, think even less of hospitals? Calm down HB. If it is like that again tomorrow, you can call the doctor. I look again, the clouds of red are spreading through the bowl like octopus ink. This...is...bad.
I sit for a moment, watching American Inventor. I smack my self on the forehead. Beets, I ate pickled beets with dinner on Wednesday. All is well. Life is good.
March 16, 2006
I am a Perv. I admit it. I used to have a healthy (ha, he said healthy)appetite for young, tender, sweet...veggies, but now I am going only for the meat. I have always claimed that if God had not intended for us to eat animals, he would not have made them out of meat.
I have a question for you PETA assholes, Do you KNOW it does not hurt a carrot when you rip it out of the ground? Does a tree scream in pain when you tear away its fruit? It is interesting the big liberal pushers of abortion also are vegans -- aborting the fruit of the peach, apple, and cherry trees like so many little fetuses, just for a snack. Paul McCartney, have you never seen a face on a tree? You said you will never eat something with a face. Now what are you gonna do?It seems even veggies have a face.
Give me a pork chop, a beefsteak, leg of lamb, or some veal. Most of all I want a big old plate of steaming bacon! mmmm, bacon...
Samantha Burns you are my new hero.
March 15, 2006
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation.
In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged Senator Clinton, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing, a special presidential commission made the following findings:
The stamp was in perfect order.
There was nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
People were spitting on the wrong side
March 14, 2006
I looked out the door. A body lie in the angle of the porch and the house, a girl. Her long brown hair blew gently in the breeze. I felt nauseous again. I stumbled into the living room. There were at least four bodies there. Pink Floyd played softly on the stereo. A tall, good looking boy lie in his boxers, his hair matted and stuck to his head, body akimbo where he fell.
I weaved my way to the corner. This was too much, the horror too great. I needed relief, instead I found an even worse sight. The keg floated empty in the tepid water. I needed the hair of the truck that had run me over -- badly.
Man, what a party. The fraternity was set up as an 18 hole miniature golf course. Each hole stocked with plastic cups with graduated marks. A different libation themed the hole. Get a five on hole number three? Drink five marks of the red Everclear punch. A three on number one? Drink three shots of bourbon. That six on number nine = a whole glass of beer. You had to finish your "score" before you could move on. The nineteenth hole clubhouse served up more booze, dancing and food.
I vaguely remembered falling down the stairs and ripping the skin on my elbow, bloodying my shirt and arm. Someone had vomited the red punch all over the entrance hallway. I think I was still a little drunk.
My friend Daryl lay slumped at a table, cigarette burning in the ashtray. "Kill me", he said. I made us coffee and put bread down to toast. I went back to my room to get a couple of cans of Strohs -- the true Breakfast of Champions. "What time is the game?" he croaked. "Are you taking some beer?" It was Saturday, time to start really partying.
It happened. Ask Otter -- he was there.
March 13, 2006
Luke is sent to serve time on a chain gang for cutting the heads off parking meters in an act of drunken rebellion. He shows a steak of stubbornness and boredom throughout the movie. The scene with the eggs, the fight and his perverse determination to run away all show a rebelliousness centered on what I think is boredom. The most famous scenes from the movie are the Captain explains "we have a failure to communicate", and the car wash scene. Joy Harmon was the tease washing her car, one of the sexiest scenes ever filmed. She appeared in only three other movies, and later opened Aunt Joy's Cakes in Southern California.
Along with Outlaw Josey Wales, Cool Hand Luke is one of those films with rare channel surf-stopping ability. What film gets you every time?
The neighbor asked if he could use some wood from my deck, I was not paying attention he said something about building a big boat, and cubits, and two of everything...I told him to kiss off. Never liked the fucker anyway...
It was 70 here in Hoosierland yesterday. They are talking snow on Friday with highs in the mid-thirtys. That is some f'ed up weather patterns.
One week until spring begins. That is also my birthday, I expect lots of hits and presents. Don't let me down.
March 10, 2006
Here is a new feature at Fat in Indiana -- the cigar of the month. If you have something to celebrate, to commiserate, or just want to kick back and enjoy a nice cigar,here is the Hoosierboy recommendation for March:
Onyx Black Prince (48X6 box pressed) Vintage '97
Here is how this fine smoke is described at jrcigars.com:
Well-aged tobaccos and a vintage 1997 San Andres wrapper make for the smoothest Onyx cigar blend to date. The unique, robust taste comes from the combo of strong Peruvian ligero blended with earthy Brazilian leaf. A "must try" cigar for those who prefer the other Onyx lines, or those in search of a full-flavored, smooth smoke.
Try it, you will be pleased.
The mayor is worried because they are not wearing helmets? I am worried the bicycle seats are not that gel stuff -- imagine the rashes. In the event of a wreck, I would worry about my ..errr...body parts getting stuck in the spokes.
The race aims to promote safe cycling and alternative energy.
Alternative energy indeed.
March 9, 2006
It is interesting to note that the college paper in question refused to publish the Muhammad cartoons, as they were too offensive. I must not have seen all of the Muhammad cartoons, because none rose to this level.
Here I find myself in a great dilemma. I have offered a link to a blog that shows the cartoons. I have commented here and elsewhere that the Muslims are offended way too easily. I have castigated newspapers and blogs that refused to print the Mohammed cartoons. Yet I am reluctant to show this offensive Christian Cartoon here. I am offended by this cartoon. Others will be more so.
I have always stated that we, as Americans, have misinterpreted the First Amendment from the right of free speech to the Right to Not Be Offended. I have maintained that prayer in school, Christmas lights, and Minoras on public property are perfectly acceptable. If you do not choose to say the Pledge of Allegiance, you have every right to refrain, but I have my right to say it.
I hate hypocrisy. Click to be offended by a larger image.
Yesterday's picture was the great swordsman Errol Flynn from Captain Blood. Walt knew the answer, and he was right, it is without equal as a swashbuckling pirate film. That pussy Johnny Depp should have watched my man Flynn, so he could see how a true pirate should behave in the movies. So there you have your weekend assignment, go rent Captain Blood.
I expect a report on Monday.
March 8, 2006
March 7, 2006
My long-passed grandmother's birthday is coming up, and for me it is time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special trips she would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with her, and the advice she used to give!
Much was wasted because I was young when she died. If she was alive today and sharing her pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, came when I was only 12.
We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I'd find a great woman and start my own family.
"And son, remember this always," she said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft voice. ..
"makes your pecker look bigger."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
The teacher compared Bush to Hitler and claimed the Chinese and the Columbians had the right to bomb North Carolina because that state grows "killer tobacco". According to the student, this shouting lecture was not unusual, nor was the bias contained.
The teacher appeared on the Today Show this morning to offer his defense. He claimed it is his duty as a teacher to offer opposing points of view. He maintained that political discussion is applicable to a geography class because the President's speech affects people all over the world. He maintains he offered a disclaimer that the students should think on the issues themselves and that he may not be right. He is determined his right of free speech and his duties as a teacher are being infringed. For Matt lauer, the clear evidence is that the student shopped the tape to various conservative radio talk shows, as if that made the student some kind of pariah.
I have stated on these pages many times my belief that education is a life-long process. I also believe that discussion of the issues and extraneous subjects do have a place in the classroom, especially in high school. When I was in high school we listened to the recordings of Lenny Bruce in advanced speech class. That lead to a several day long discussion of censorship, free speech and comedy. I do believe a teacher should lead and facilitate those periphial discussions, not lecture the students.
In a college history class we watched films of the march on Selma. A general discussion on race and civil rights was held afterward. We had several Black students in the class and their viewpoint was very interesting for a white boy from an all-white county. We were able to discuss the issue from the white and black point of view. The professor forced us to consider the point of view of the white people in Alabama at the time. While we could not agree, we at least tried to see their viewpoint. That is facilitating a discussion. Lecturing and shouting in an angry voice that Bush is no better than Hitler because we want to force our viewpoint upon the world is teaching hate.
I am all for free speech. The Colorado teacher has every right to his viewpoint. The small consolation and disclaimer at the end of his lecture was not enough. Young minds are easily molded. The Spartans, the Nazis, Mao, Stalin, and the modern Wahabbist teachers know this. The imprint of socialism imprinted by this teacher will have a lasting influence. Of course I seriously wonder something. Imagine this had been a teacher of biology teaching creationism as another viewpoint. Would Matt Lauer and the leftists in this country be defending the teacher's right of free speech? Would they be claiming he was only offering an alternate viewpoint? i think we know the answer to THAT.
March 6, 2006
I had at one time a nice vinyl collection. Over time I have replaced my favorites onto CD. There are a few exceptions like Herb Albert. I kept those albums only for the cover art on Whipped Cream and Other Delights. One of the greatest album covers ever, IMO.
As I was going through my CDs I realized some of my favorite bands have held up well over time. CSN, Yes, Pink Floyd, Clapton, The Beatles,The Stones and of course Sinatra all still entertain me. Traffic, Jethro Tull,the Moody Blues are ageless. I ripped only selected cuts from Mellencamp.
Some artists have not survived the ages. In particular I find I can no longer listen to the Boss. I have seen Springsteen in concert, and he remains the greatest live performer ever. I would not go to a free concert today. I once spent hours listening to The River, Badlands, Darkness on the Edge of Town. His live concert set was a favorite. Today I turn him off when he comes on the radio. I have similar reactions to The Doobie Brothers, the recipients of my very first concert ticket dollars.
As we grow older our tastes change. Why do some of my favorites from my youth resonate still? Pink Floyd, Yes, and CSN still are in my listening rotation more than other artists. I find them lyrically and musically interesting still. Other artists from the same generation just leave me bored.
Sorry Bruce,sorry John, sorry Supertramp, my brothers Doobie, and even you Eagles, I have left you. I love you no more. You bore me, and you will not be moving to my iPod.
March 4, 2006
A guy took a part-time job at an adult bookstore. After a few hours of training the owner felt comfortable leaving for lunch. He told the trainee that weekdays were slow. If he had any doubts, the owner said he trusted the guy's judgment.
After a while a lady came in looking for a dildo. The guy pointed to a magnificent array of vibrators and dildos arranged on the shelf behind the counter.
"How much is that white one?" asked the lady. He told her it was a good choice for only $10.
"Oooohh, how much for that bigger brown one?" He told her it was $20.
"wow, let me see that big black dildo". The man handed her a huge 12 inch dildo, telling her the price was $30.
Suddenly, in the corner, the woman spotted the biggest dildo she had ever seen. It was big and round and she became exited just thinking of the pleasure the device would give her. "How much for that plaid one?" she asked.
"Ahhh, that is rare" the man said. It is imported, so the price is $50. The woman happily paid the price and left the store.
Some time later the owner returned and asked how it went. "Not bad", said the trainee, "I just sold your Thermos for 50 bucks."
March 3, 2006
The President was an engaging, charming and funny speaker. Let me paraphrase on of his vignettes.
I was a little disappointed there were so few protesters here. In the old days I attracted some really wild ones. You have not seen vapid, hate filled protesting until you are Republican President going to give a speech in San Francisco. I was being assaulted from every side when one especially nasty woman approached my limo. She was not only dressed nasty, she was really, really ugly. This remarkedly ugly woman was holding a sign and screaming at the car "stay out of my womb". I wanted to open the window and tell her "That, lady, will not be a problem".
The speech was filled with humor and only really broached politics once. President Bush lambasted Jimmah Carter for his remarks at the Corretta King funeral. Bush said not only were the remarks inappropriate for the occasion, but the claim the current President would deliberately withhold aid to the victims of Hurricane Katrina because of a person's race is beyond ridiculous. I could not agree more. Carter has become an irrelevant barking moonbat (in the true sense of the word). He needs to just shut up and go away.
In the end, I had a most enjoyable evening. It is the first time I have seen a President live, and I will treasure the memory. Thanks Daughter for the opportunity.
March 2, 2006
I was going golfing with my daughter's boyfriend. We stopped to get some beer. Carrying this case of beer, for some reason we had to walk for several blocks to his fraternity house in order to ice down the beer. Some of his friends were razing me for being a Cubs fan. One in a Yankees cap, asked me who I would root for if not the Cubs. I remember telling him whoever was playing the Yankees.
We joked and cut up for several blocks and up the flight after flight of stairs in his fraternity house. I liked these guys, we were having a good time. The case of beer was getting very heavy by this time, but I did not want those young punks to know I was getting tired.
Finally, we get to the coolers and ice machine. I tear open the beer, only to find I somehow purchased root beer instead of real beer. As the brown A&W cans fell into the ice, I exclaimed "That is not beer, it is root beer." The guys hooted and laughed. "Yeah", they said, "We just thought you were some kind of old dork, or something."
It is pretty pathetic when you find you are a loser even in your dreams.
Hint #2 Belgianwaffles -- Waterloo is in Belgium
Hint #3 The fighting at Chateau Huegomont was some of the fiercest aspects of the Battle of Waterloo
Hint#4 Wellington defeated Napoleon at Waterloo.
Does anyone but me enjoy the Wednesday Quiz? Should it be continued? Did you like the Hint first format, or do you like the old picture then hint format?
March 1, 2006
I guess either the quiz has been too hard, the hints too obscure, or you just do not care. Please tell me which. Here is the final hint:
So far, no guesses on the Wednesday Quiz. You have to ID the people in the picture to get the first hint. Here is the next clue (It has little or nothing to do with breakfast):
Is anyone getting bored with the Wednesday Quiz? Is it fun? Are they too hard? We will try something new this week. I will give you the clues before I give you the picture, person, place or thing. Here is hint one:
I demand feedback. Play along, take a guess or else all of the orphans will go hungry. Do you want that on your conscience? Look, the little match girl is on her last match...