December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

You will get no year-end retrospective here. Always look forward I say, you cannot change the past. You might think that a strange attitude from a history major and life long amateur historian. Instead you are getting a rant about sports --professional football in particular.

It looks like Belicheater will get coach of the year. Pretty sad that a proven cheater gets this award in the same year he is caught. Did the cheating give him any advantage in the subsequent games? Probably not, but he should have been forced to forfeit the first game, and clearly the message is there, as long as you win we will overlook cheating. Is there really any difference in this than the Shawn Merriman cheating last year?

How about Reggie Wayne of the Colts setting the NFL mark this year for yards and receptions? The best receiver in Football that gets no publicity.

I absolutely hate the Colts decision to play the scrubs most of the game. Fans paid to see the starters, and tickets are not cheap. Last week against Huston the starters played until a victory was in sight. The Colts said it was a game against a division rival and they wanted to make sure they did not give division foes the confidence they could beat the Colts. There was no difference this week, in fact the Titans already believe they can beat the Colts. They have played them closer over the past few years than any other AFC South rival. Why let off the gas? I would think nothing sends you into the playoffs better than a victory.

The Colts better pray nothing happens to Manning. This team will go nowhere with Sorgi at the helm. He can barely throw twenty yards and his release is so slow he is always in danger of a sack. The perennial back-up may be fine for maintaining fourth quarter leads, but he is incapable of driving down the field. The Colts had plenty of opportunity to pull out that game and one or two good passes would have done it. Plenty of NFL teams have played the backups with success this season, and the Colts need someone who can carry the team in the event Payton Manning gets hurt.

Happy New Year, be safe and do not drink and drive.

December 30, 2007

He haunts my kitchen

I guess I will take down the outside Christmas decorations. No more wreaths with their festive red bows. Gone will be the lights that brightened the dark nights in celebration of Jesus' birth. The next few days will see the tree boxed up and the trappings of the Holidays will be replaced by the monotone of cold winter days and frosty nights. The hap-happiest time of the year will be replaced by work and bills and cold short days. Most depressing of all is the snack table will be taken down. This is a temporary table we put up for Christmas dinner to hold the pies, cookies, pecan tassies and other sweets. Now just a forlorn container with a few cookies remains. We all look at the table knowing it has to be put away like just like the ribbon, bows and the star on top of the tree. It is so sad. No more munching, no more snacking, no more sugar highs. The dreaded Winter Diet looms with the New Year. It stands mute. A bony finger pointing at my gut like the Ghost of Future Christmas in Scrooge's dream. No more cookies, no more gummi bears, no more midnight hamburgers. The accusatory arm points a silent uh uh at the cheese ball and Chex Mix. A pox on Dr. Pepper, hot cocoa, and cold refreshing beer. The winter diet demands an end to gingerbread men, to little bite sized Snicker bars and red and green wrapped Hershey Kisses. The last wrapper of cream cheese lies crumbled at the bottom of the trash can. The Winter Diet is a mean bastard. We wonder why we are depressed in January?

December 28, 2007

Cooking with Hoosierboy Volume XL

One of the dishes I whipped up for Christmas dinner was what I call Orange Stuff ( I really call it something other than 'stuff', but this is a family blog). I made it at my daughter's request. I had not prepared this dish for about ten years and I forgot how good (and simple) it is. Give it a try.

Orange Stuff

6 oz frozen Orange Juice Concentrate thawed
1 can eagle Brand Milk
1 small tub Cool Whip
1 can Mandarin Oranges drained and cut into small pieces

2 rolls Ritz Crackers (About 60)
1 stick margarine
1/4 cup of sugar

Crush the crackers into crumbs
add the sugar
pour melted margarine over the crumbs
stir and press into the bottom of a 8x8 or 9x11 pan

Stir the thawed OJ and Eagle Brand milk together. Fold in the Cool Whip. Add the drained oranges. Pour over the crust. Refrigerate one hour. Eat.

You will not be disappointed with this salad/dessert/snack

December 27, 2007

Dear GOP

Would a TRUE Conservative please step up to the plate and run for President? You will win. Here is your simple platform:

-Control the Border
-Enforce Immigration laws already on the books
-Protect the Country from Terrorists
-Control spending -- all current Government programs will be held to the rate of inflation.
-Make one of your key points if elected to push Congress to pass an Amendment that all laws must show where they are authorized in the Constitution
-Encourage domestic oil companies to open more refineries and open the ANWR to drilling.

Start with these and you are your way to victory. Throw in the Fair Tax and SS reform and you would be golden.

If we cannot find a candidate we will be faced with socialist medicine and it will not just be our light bulbs that are banned. I hope you want to drive a Yugo, because Big Brother and his green storm troopers will be watching your every move.

December 26, 2007

Holiday Hangover

Whoo, what a Christmas. I got a bunch of new DVDs to watch, including a five movie set of Esther Williams flicks. I told the wife not to be jealous. My family came down yesterday for dinner. I cooked enough food for twenty people. There were eight of us. I am already anticipating the gripes and moans when I pull out the same food for lunch and dinner again today. I will just tell them boo f-ing hoo, eat it.

After dinner we played a game belonging to my daughter -- Cranium. It was moderately fun. I am not really much into games. Otter and my oldest son were on a team. They could be clones, they are so alike sometimes. My wife and daughter were on a team. The wife had to sculpt a cupcake from clay and the daughter had to guess what it was. As time was running down my daughter shouts "is it pork?". I thought I was going to die from laughter. I guess you had to be there.

In all, we had a great Christmas. I hope you did too. Now I am off to watch hot chicks in bathing suits.

December 23, 2007


I wish you all a Merry Christmas and tidings of the Season.

Thank you to each and every one of you who take time from their life and busy day to spend time reading the ramblings on these pages. I am humbled.

December 22, 2007

Read this instead

Ignore my boring shit and go read this instead at phlegmy's place. I cannot seem to find the link to the post on her template, so read the post for December 22, 2007. The one about the school kids.

Best Christmas post ever.

December 21, 2007

What is a man to do

Gift wrapping and some baking is on tap for today. I think I am going to have a go at some gingerbread cookies, and some pecan tassies. Some routine house cleaning may also be in order before the family arrives for Christmas dinner. And yes, I will be doing the cooking.

Maybe I will sit around and have a few drinks this afternoon instead.

Decisions, decisions....

December 20, 2007

1972 Rocks

As we wind down for the Holidays, I know many of you will not be be visiting Fat in Indiana under a mistaken idea that you need to spend time with your family, going to church, celebrating the birth of our Savior, parties, whatever. I can assure you all other activities pale in importance to reading this blog several times a day. Unfortunately, many of you will not heed my advice,so here is a question that may get you thinking. Was there ever a year filled with more great music releases than 1972? Granted, I was a mere lad at the time, but my album and CD collection is filled with music from this era. Here is just a sampling of the music from 1972:


A Good Feelin' to Know - Poco
A Song For You - The Carpenters
A Thing Called Love - Johnny Cash
Aerie - John Denver
Album III - Loudon Wainwright III
All Directions - The Temptations
All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople
All Together Now - Argent
Amazing Grace - Aretha Franklin
America - America
American Pie - Don McLean
An Anthology - Duane Allman

Elvis:As Recorded At Madison Square Garden - Elvis Presley
Back To Front - Gilbert O'Sullivan
Black Sabbath, Vol. 4 - Black Sabbath
Bolan Boogie - T. Rex (band)
Burgers - Hot Tuna
Burning Love - Elvis Presley
Bustin' Out - Pure Prairie League
Can't Buy a Thrill - Steely Dan

Cherish - David Cassidy
Chicago V - Chicago
Close to the Edge - Yes

The Concert For Bangla Desh - George Harrison
Crossings - Herbie Hancock
The Divine Miss M. - Bette Midler
The Eagles (album) - The Eagles
Eat a Peach - The Allman Brothers Band
Exile on Main Street - The Rolling Stones

Foxtrot - Genesis
Fragile - Yes
Graham Nash David Crosby - Crosby & Nash

The Grand Wazoo - Frank Zappa
Harvest - Neil Young
Heavy Cream - Cream (band)

He Touched Me - Elvis Presley
Hendrix in the West - Jimi Hendrix
Homecoming - America
Home Free - Dan Fogelberg
Honky Chateau - Elton John
Hot August Night - Neil Diamond
Jackson Browne - Jackson Browne
Jeff Beck Group - Jeff Beck
Journey Through the Past - Neil Young
Lady Sings the Blues - Diana Ross
Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin
Living in the Past - Jethro Tull
Loggins and Messina - Loggins and Messina
The London Chuck Berry Sessions - Chuck Berry
Lou Reed - Lou Reed
Madman Across The Water - Elton John
The Magician's Birthday - Uriah Heep
Mardis Gras - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Mark,Don and Mel,1969-1971 - Grand Funk Railroad
Manassas (rock album)Manassas - Stephen Stills and Manassas
Moods - Neil Diamond
More Hot Rocks - The Rolling Stones
Music of My Mind - Stevie Wonder
Never a Dull Moment - Rod Stewart
No Answer - Electric Light Orchestra
Obscured by Clouds - Pink Floyd
One Man Dog - James Taylor
Paul Simon - Paul Simon
Pictures at an Exhibition - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Pure Prairie League - Pure Prairie League

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars - David Bowie
Roadwork - Edgar Winter's White Trash
Rock Me Baby - David Cassidy
Rockin' - The Guess Who
Rockpile - Dave Edmunds
Rocky Mountain High - John Denver
Sailin' Shoes - Little Feat
Saint Dominic's Preview - Van Morrison
School's Out - Alice Cooper
Seven Separate Fools - Three Dog Night
Seventh Sojourn - The Moody Blues
Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits - Simon & Garfunkel
Sittin' In - Loggins and Messina
Smokin' O.P.'s - Bob Seger
Some Time In New York City - John Lennon
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
[[The Soundtrack to Superfly - Curtis Mayfield

Talking Book - Stevie Wonder
There It Is - James Brown
They Only Come Out At Night - The Edgar Winter Group
Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tull
Toulouse Street - The Doobie Brothers

Transformer - Lou Reed
Trilogy - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Trouble Man - Marvin Gaye
Vol. 4 - Black Sabbath
Waka/Jawaka - Frank Zappa
War Heroes - Jimi Hendrix
Weird Scenes Inside the Gold Mine - The Doors
Wild One - The Guess Who

In addition Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon for the first time, although it would not be released until 1973.

* bold indicates albums/cds or 8 tracks I own or once owned.

Ok, I included David Cassidy for my wife, who admits she got wet britches as a prepubescent whenever he appeared on Tiger Beat or whatever. And Melanie, lets just say I have a brand new pair of roller skates...Yeah, one of the most annoying songs ever. And while I am not a Carpenters fan you have to admit they changed Pop music and brought attention to eating disorders.

Anyway look at that list -- Cream, Zep, Yes, Jethro Tull, ELP, The Stones, Zappa, The Moody Blues. Was there a better year for music?

December 19, 2007

Real Life

You have one hour to get your mean nasty comments in...



Too late, too slow. This is proof positive evidence of why you should be clicking on Fat in Indiana every fifteen minutes -- minimum...

Just for you Freddie and you SuperGurl.

Do I look old?


Erica -- this is what I see when I look in a mirror. Of course I do not have my glasses on, and we all live in the past just a little...

maybe this is more realistic. Do I look 21 in this picture?

Ain't that a kick in the head

I do not consider myself a vain man. I am short, overweight and my hair is not as thick or as dark as it used to be. I have to wear glasses now, the no-line bifocal kind. In short I view myself a typical 40-ish kind of guy. Sure, I have my aches and pains, but I get out and throw the ball with the boy, shovel the drive and mow the yard. The men have always looked young in my family. My Dad will hit 70 next month and looks nowhere his age. I was still getting carded when buying beer into the 1990's when I was pushing thirty.

You can imagine my disappointment last night when the clerk asked me if I was over 50 last night when buying a Christmas present for my wife. She told me she wanted to make sure I got every discount I could. I think well on my feet, and always have a quick repartee or response. I do not panic. It is my an integral part of my job, and I am good at that aspect.

I was completely mute. I could think of nothing to say. I bet I stood there tongue-tied for a few seconds before some really mean and hateful phrases came to mind. The clerk was smiling like she had just offered me the key to the city. I think she was really trying to be helpful. I just offered a lame, "Well I am not quite there yet." and tendered my debit card. I thumped out the store like a deflated tire. I think I would have felt better had she kicked me in the groin.

I moved on to the next store, my Holiday Spirit extinguished. I finally headed for home ready to try again today. My wife found the story hilarious. I tried to parlay the episode into a means to get some sympathy sex -- you know, remind me I am still a young man at heart, etc., but she shot me down. Anyone else want to get in a kick?

Maybe I will stop off at the drugstore this morning to get some Grecian Formula...

December 18, 2007

1484

We hang out a lot with this other couple. Our kids are similar ages. More importantly, we have known them forever. The guy has been one of my best friends since seventh grade. We played on the same little league team before that. The wife grew up just a few blocks from my wife. We were in each other's weddings. We get together at least once a month (we live about 90 miles apart)to play cards, drink a few beers and have a good time. We have vacationed together the past few years. Outside of my family, there is no one I am closer to.

My buddy had his knee replaced today. I just got off the phone with his wife and all went well. Imagine replacing a knee at 46 years old. High school and subsequent football and basketball injuries have made his life hell for more than 20 years. He has had at least 4-5 surgeries to repair the mess inside. Finally the pain was too much. He opted for the titanium joint. The doctors say the hardest part of his recovery will be retraining tendons and muscles. He has not been able to straighten his leg for decades. What a way to spend Christmas. I suspect the doctor and hospital will frown if I bring beer and cigars to his hospital room.

December 17, 2007

How I spent my Monday Morning

a report by Hoosierboy

I got up early to make a dish for my wife to take to the potluck for work. This is it:Fruit pizza. Ain't I amazing?

I have spent the majority of the morning on the phone on work related business. I have sent emails and have several more hours of work to do, including my December expenses. So much for vacation.

So, how was your weekend?

December 16, 2007

Oh, the weather outside is frightful

Begin with two thick slices of homemade bread. Smear healthy layer of smooth peanut butter on one of the slices ( choosy Moms choose Jif). Thinly slice a Granny Smith apple and layer over the peanut butter. Now add a heaping pile of roasted, shredded crow. Top with the other slice of bread. Now eat that weatherman.

Our estimated 12-17 inches of snow layered with ice and freezing rain turned into a tawdry few inches instead. It is blowing. Given the flatness of the terrain, drifting snow will render east/west roads impassable. The point is, your estimates were wrong by a factor of several hundred percent Weatherman. Your track record is miserable. Why not just say it looks like we will get snow and leave the rest to chance. How about a freakin' apology for the scare tactics you employ to get us to keep your station tuned in for weather updates instead of reading blogs and watching porn?

Look, I get it. The weatherman's prognostications are based on computer models. The capricious winds blow where they want, not as a computer programs. The movement of a front or low pressure cell by a dozen miles can change the local weather enormously. The weather quack errors on the side of caution. Hurricanes Katrina and Andrew and thousands of tornadoes have proven it is better to warn people of the worst, to protect us from our own ignorance and stupidity. I think we can all agree forecasting the weather is a guess and in no way an exact science.

Given that understanding, how in the world can anyone accept the forecast and computer estimates of our weather two, ten and even fifty years from now? Is the weather from last December 17 an indication of what will happen tomorrow? Can we say with scientific certainty that just because it often rains on my wife's birthday it will rain on June 8, 2013? Do any of these theories sound remotely scientific or even plausible? Then why are you buying the global warming crap? Maybe it is getting warmer, maybe not. Perhaps weather patterns have changed. Is this a harbinger of global catastrophe? Will the polar bears drown? Will the Mexicans be moving to Greenland to pick tomatoes? Only time will tell. I do know it is economic suicide to bet our economy and way of life on computer models that cannot predict the weather 12 hours in advance.

Oh, Hoosierboy, a consensus of scientist agree we are facing apocalyptic climate change that will destroy our planet. Well a consensus of weather experts also said I would be looking at a foot of blowing drifting frozen and crystalized water clogging my driveway this morning. A consensus of scientists believed our planet was flat at one time. A consensus of scientists believed the Sun revolved around the Earth. Heck, a consensus of some of the greatest thinkers in history believed the sun was pulled through the sky by Apollo in his golden chariot. The same scientists who are now ringing the alarm bells of global warming were in agreement a few decades ago we were faced with a coming ice age that would doom our planet, our civilization, our way of life. The computer models said so.

Take your global warming hysteria and shove it straight up your greasy hemorrhoidal asshole, Al Gore. If my local weather expert cannot predict the climate tomorrow, why would I listen to a politician that has never worked a real job?

December 14, 2007

Rednecks in Action


Nothing like wearing your best T-Shirt for that engagement photo.

Live blogging the storm.

The weather quacks have been warning us for days about the big storm heading my way. As of the late news last night we were to expect heavy snow by dawn -- one inch per hour. Well their version of an inch must be even smaller than the one I use to measure my dong. I will keep you updated as long as I have access to the computer. When the boy gets up he will hog the keyboard.

5:45 am: Nothing

6:33 am: rein, zip, nada

7:30 am: Went out to get the paper. Windy, I might have felt a snowflake. That would be singular. It also might have been my imagination.

8:07 am: There is a thin coating on my patio table -- like someone has dusted it with flour to make pie crust.

8:39 am: OK, I might have been premature (like this is the first time...) it is coming down hard, the ground is already nearly covered. The patio table now looks like it has a thick layer of white frosting. I hear Rosemary Clooney singing "Snow" in my cranium.

9:30 am. It has tapered off and is not snowing hard at all now. There is still way less than an inch on the ground. I could broom it off the sidewalk. F-ing weatherman. Dang SoHos, I could use some of that 80 degree weather. OTOH. it is Christmas, and just like Bing, I am dreaming...

10:13 am: Technically it is snowing, but if it were rain we would call it drizzle. The snowteam says it is coming, really it is going to be horrible, we must all panic, stay off the roads. Yawn. I switch to the show on the Travel Channel about Bigfoot. There is a a comparison in my mind between the believers in Bigfoot and the snowteam/panic team, but I just can't get it into words...scepticism?

Frozen Friday

It is not really that cold. I just like alliteration. We are expecting some snow this weekend. I am positive storm team/scare team will be out in force at every station making sure every citizen is panicked into buying eggs, milk and bread in anticipation of the whopping inch or two of snow we will ultimately get. Why do stores always sell out of those staples when snow is predicted? I do not know, I guess Hoosiers like French Toast. Does this happen in your area? What kills me is in my lifetime there has only been one snow so bad one could not get to the store for a day or two, and that was in 1978. Can we let up a bit on the panic, media people?

I got some good news yesterday. It appears I am steroid free. There was no mention of me in the baseball steroid/HGH investigation.

Well I am off in a bit to visit my last customer of the week, month and year. I will be on vacation until January 2, 2008 after today. I do not mind saying I will likely take off a little early this afternoon, providing my customer visit goes well (in other words short).

Happy Friday.

December 12, 2007

Dining with HB

BBQ is like sex - there is good and really good. The ribs I had tonight were just good. They were billed as Memphis style. They were coated with a dry rub and no sauce. They ribs were a bit dry, but had a good flavor. There were several bottles of sauces on the table including a hot, a "Texas Pit" ' a sweet and spicy ( my favorite), and a mustard based sauce for those who prefer Carolina-style ribs.

The cornbread muffins were a little sweet for me and I prefer a little more vinager in my slaw.

The price was reasonable. If you find yourself on Lake Street in Addison, IL, you could do worse than Famous Dave's Bar B Que.

Did you miss me?

I guess the real question is did you know I did not post? Travelling all week, Right now I am in the Second City -- between customer visits. I think I am finally getting this Treo blogging thing.

Man, is that Petrino a dooshbag or what? How could any parent allow their budding football star go to play for that guy? He bailed on Louisville and he bailed on the Falcons. According to the radio Petrino told his owner on Monday he was staying. Would you trust him?

December 10, 2007

Monday Musings

One more week and then I am on vacation for the balance of 2007. I have said it before -- it is good to be me. Too bad this shapes up to be a very busy week. Customer meetings Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. On top of all it looks like some nasty weather is moving in for those same days. I do not mind snow, but I hate ice. No one can predict where their vehicle will go on ice.

It sure looks like the NFL is turning into a four team league. The Pats sure looked good yesterday. The Cowboys are just lucky. The Packers and Colts just keep winning. For reigning Superbowl champs the Colts are sure being ignored. I am not sure the Patriots will have a walkover if these two teams meet in the playoffs. I am not sure anyone is looking forward to meeting Jax or the Vikings in the playoffs either.

Nathan, you sure provided evidence one needs to proofread. I blame it on a lack of sleep...

It looks as if the NFL is turning into a four team league. The Pats looked pretty good yesterday. The Cowboys are just lucky. The Packers and Colts just keep winning. For reigning Superbowl champs the Colts are sure being ignored. I am not confident the Patriots will have a walkover if these two teams meet in the playoffs. I bet no one is looking forward to meeting Jax or the Vikings in the playoffs either.

No matter what it costs, no matter the long-term effect on the franchise, Jamaal Tinsley needs to be gone from the Indiana Pacers. Now. He has shown a history of putting himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like Pacman Jones, all these incidents are not happenstance. Not only is he a marginal player, he is a troublemaker and I think as big a cancer as Ron Artest, in a different way.

Happy Monday

December 9, 2007

Dear Baltimore Colts Fans

I will concede the late Bob Irsay was an asshole. I will even concede that the Baltimore Colts were the heart and soul of the City in the 1950's. 60s and early 1970's. In the end, you have to let things go. The Colts dumped Johnny Unitas, remember that?

Look, if even 1/4 of you who claim that the Colts departure broke your heart, left you devastated and destroyed your beloved city had actually bought the reduced priced tickets to the Colts games in 1983, the Colts might have had a different history. Those of you from Baltimore who said you did not want to pay for a new stadium are responsible. Get over it, your rose colored glasses make you remember the times differently. Only about 10,000 of the supposed die-hard fans attended games the last two years the franchise was in Baltimore, the toilet by the bay. So your Dad was never the same -- was he a season ticket holder? If not he should blame himself.

It has been nearly a quarter of a century now. You have a good team. You won a Superbowl. Let it go already. The Ravens must feel like the lady who married the widower. She is forced to look at pictures of the old wife on the piano, always being reminded she is not the Original. No matter how she tries to look pretty, no matter how much love she gives her husband, his heart is half in the cold hard grave of his first wife. Every time you bitch and moan and claim the Colts are yours, you tell me why you should not have an NFL franchise -- you still have not learned to appreciate what you have.

Detroit stole the Pistons, I do not hear Fort Wayne crying. Hell, Boston and Milwaukee lost the Braves. And look at the A's, how many cities have they called home? The Cardinals (football)started in Chicago, spent decades in St. Louis and now are home in the desert. Now the Rams are in St. Louis. There is an almost 100 year precedent in professional sports of teams moving to different cities, taking the name and history with them. You are not the first, nor the last. You just cry about it more and louder than the rest. This stuff happens in professional sports -- it is a business. Let it go already.

A sad death

Dear Friends;
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


--found in an email from Otter. Oh stop, you will repeat it before the sun sets on Monday.

December 8, 2007

Rednecks in action


Rudolph's ass as a doorbell -- Doesn't that put you in the Christmas spirit?

December 7, 2007

APB

Dick, where are you? Has anyone seen or heard from Big Dick?

Alice B Toklas knows the answer

I picked up a book to read last night from the bookshelf. I had not read this work of fiction in probably two decades. I wondered if it was as good as I remembered. Of course books read for assignment are never as good as books read for pleasure, that, my friends, is a scientific fact.

I have some sharp readers. This is also a scientific fact. Just how literary are you? Here is the final paragraph of chapter one of the tome I mentioned. The passage is what I remember most about this book, since I wrote a paper on the symbolism one time. Can you ID the book and author?

I decided to call to him. Miss Baker had mentioned him at dinner, and that would do for an introduction. But I did not call to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone -- he stretched out his arms towards the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him,I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily, I glanced seaward -- and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been at the end of a dock. When I looked once more...he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness.

There you have it, an example of some mighty fine writing. As I move through chapter two and its subsequent pages, I will let you know if the book stands up to its reputation.

Show me your literary chops, what is this book? Come on you can do it, I left you several clues.

Rerun with a reason

Here is a rerun post from December 7, 2005. I hope you never forget.

A day that shall live in infamy
On December 7, 1941 the United States was attacked by an unprovoked antagonist against military and civilian targets in the territory of Hawaii. The death and destruction was even greater than that at the WTC and Pentagon attacks of 9/11.

Killed and Missing

Navy 2,008
Marine Corps 109
Army 218
Civilian 68
total 2,403

Wounded
Navy 710
Marine 69
Army 364
Civi;ian 68
Total 1,178

Grand total of casualties = 3,581

This attack brought the United States into WW II, where the greatest generation saved the world for Democracy. Our thanks: hatred by the French and Germans, desecration of American graves in Normandy and displays in our own country that blame the US for Japan's attack. I have not forgotten the lives and sacrifices made by my forbears. Thank you.

I will not forget Pearl Harbor.

December 6, 2007

A slice of my life

10,20,30,40,50 or more
HB let a fart in the grocery store
Killed 80 men trying to hold their breath
Cut another one and killed the rest

Welcome to elementary school, friends.

Have you ever had a rodent infestation? You put out traps, maybe some d-Con?Did the mouse eat the poison then crawl somewhere and die? Do you know that smell? For the last few weeks I have had gas that makes that dead rodent in the wall odor smell good by comparison. I am talking ass gas that makes MY eyes water. Did you ever have farts so rank they wake you up in the night? My wife actually went to sleep on the couch the other night.

I went to breakfast Tuesday morning at my fine Hampton Inn. When I returned to the room it was so malodorous I nearly called the front desk. Then I realised it was the lingering mustard gas released by my sphincter in the night.

Imagine eating a burrito and cabbage and chicken wings washed down by about eight Strohs beers. Throw in some broccoli and some chili. Add some beans, some hot curry and a dose of General Tsao's chicken. The methane produced would be only slightly less malodorous that my current butt waftings.

Did a dead field mouse take up residence in my colon? Have I assumed magical powers or perhaps morphed into some kind of mutant? Instead of awesome knife blades bursting through my knuckles or laser beam eyes I have deadly sulfuric gas spewing from my anal orifice? What kind of cosmic joke is that?

I have to climb back into the old Taurus again today. I dread the lingering swamp gas I know is there. The cold has slowed the molecules, but as I turn on the heat the lingering fart gases will re-energize and assault me in an all out attack on the Maginot Line of my nose hairs. My butt will launch its own Tet Offensive in concert, shooting killer gas up my crack and across my back for a rear assault. Coughing and gagging I will enter my customer's location, wondering if the smell of farts lingers on my clothes like woodsmoke?

When are you going to invite me over, anyway?

December 5, 2007

Conundrum

Have you ever been faced with one of those really difficult, no-win situations where every choice is bad? For instance would you rather crawl naked through a pit filled with centipedes, spiders and fire ants or have your tongue cut out? Would you rather be inflicted with a strain of incurable VD or have sex with your brother or sister? Or perhaps this terrifying scenario is the stuff of your nightmares. Would you rather vote for Hillary or french kiss your grandma?

Watching football last night I decided we are faced with a similar conundrum. Which is worse, the Patriots going undefeated led by their cheating unlikable coach, or watching the pathetic spectacle of the aged '72 Dolphins waiting to pop a cork when the last team loses each year. For God's sake don't those guys have any more significant events in their lives -- marriages, children, grandkids, perhaps? Watching Jim Kick and Don Shula clinging to ancient memories and pinning their very existence on their glory days is pathetic. It is fitting tribute that in perhaps the year the record will be broken, the Dolphins will suffer a winless season. Karma has a way of biting your ass.

Now I have to see about kissing my grandma...

December 3, 2007

Cheap Labor, Indeed

I got this in an email. I have seen it before. Is the author really a California teacher? Who cares, the sentiment is correct:

From a California school teacher - - -


"As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things that you should be aware of:

I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socioeconomic
and income levels.

Most of the schools you are hearing about, South GateHigh, Bell Gardens, Huntington Park, etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools.

Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones. The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas" whores and throwing things that the teachers were in tears.

Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc, etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements?

To those who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the TRUE costs.

Higher insurance, medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc. For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes.

We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it. Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return?

There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way.

It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses
to assimilate, and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about "politically correctness" that we don't have the will to do anything about it.

If this makes your blood boil, as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know.

CHEAP LABOR? Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about?

Business doesn't want to pay a decent wage.

Consumers don't want expensive produce.

Government will tell you Americans don't want the jobs.

But the bottom line is cheap labor. The phrase "cheap labor" is a myth, a farce, and a lie. There is no such thing as "cheap labor."

Take, for example, an illegal alien with a wife and five children. He takes a job for $5.00 or 6.00/hour. At that wage, with six dependents, he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year, if he files an Income Tax Return, he gets an "earned income credit" of up to $3,200 free.

He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent.

He qualifies for food stamps.

He qualifies for free (no deductible, no co-pay) health care.

His children get free breakfasts and lunches at school.

He requires bilingual teachers and books.

He qualifies for relief from high energy bills.

If they are or become, aged, blind or disabled, they qualify for SSI. Once qualified for SSI they can qualify for Medicare. All of this is at (our) taxpayer's expense.

He doesn't worry about car insurance, life insurance, or homeowners insurance.

Taxpayers provide Spanish language signs, bulletins and printed material.

He and his family receive the equivalent of $20.00 to $30.00/hour in benefits.

Working Americans are lucky to have $5.00 or $6.00/hour left after paying their bills and his.

The American taxpayers also pay for increased crime, graffiti and trash clean-up.

Cheap labor? YEAH RIGHT! Wake up people!

THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS WE SHOULD BE ADDRESSING TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR EITHER PARTY. 'AND WHEN THEY LIE TO US AND DON'T DO AS THEY SAY, WE SHOULD REPLACE THEM AT ONCE!'

THIS HAS GOT TO BE PASSED ALONG TO AS MANY AS POSSIBLE OR WE WILL ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE A FEW DON'T CARE.


Of course, if he is an illegal, he is not paying taxes or filing at all. Yet is still using our roads, schools, etc.

I am still waiting since May for my troll, Prozacula, to set me straight on immigration and explain how asking people to obey the law is racist...

Wherin big words flow from my fingertips

I thought, for about two seconds, about going out for breakfast this morning. I usually do not partake of morning fare, but the growling mountain lion in my stomach is insistent I provide some food. I was about to get ready to head for the drive-through when I remembered I did not eat my lunch yesterday and an Arby's roast beef was waiting for me in the 'fridge. Coupled with a cold Dr. Pepper, my hunger is now assuaged ( how about that, I do know words with more than one syllable). Add that to the two cups of coffee I had earlier and I am ready to meet the day.

Most of you know I am the quintessential (another big word -- and I have yet to consult the old thesaurus!) lurker in the old blog world. I read your writings and move on, rarely leaving comments. It is not that I do not have an opinion, but rather a sense that if I have nothing to add, I forgo leaving my thought droppings. I only wish I could find the same restraint in ordinary conversation. While I live for comments, I do not reciprocate(!). This weekend I found myself in a regular Chatty Cathy mood and left several comments around the blogosphere. Many of them did not show up or have disappeared. I am not sure if I was overly offensive, I have been baned from commenting, or my commenting skills are so rusty I failed to post them correctly. I tend to lean toward the incompetence theory. Too bad, the moment has passed and my brilliant insights are lost to the vast void of the Ethernet. Maybe it was sunspots?

Monday dawns a new week and the email circuits are hot. Just while writing this say-nothing post I have been interrupted four times with the pop up telling me I have new mail. The damn phone has rung also. If customers and co-workers would just leave me alone, I could get a lot more done. I need to do my monthly expenses again, but instead I am off to get an oil change in a bit. Then I travel to the far reaches of my territory tonight for an early morning meeting. First I have to attend my youngest kid's band concert this evening. Whoo, it is sure good to be me. There is nothing like spending a few hours at a middle school band concert then jumping in the car for a four hour drive. Can anyone say "soporific"?

December 2, 2007

1466

I wish...

...cars still had dimmer switches on the floorboard

...someone with a bully pulpit would stand up against the insane global warming crowd. If science was based on consensus we would still bleed and leech for most diseases and we would believe the sun revolves around a flat earth.

...there was a way to make a raghead splodytard understand that I do not care what he believes, conversion by the sword, or killing those who believe in a different God is barbaric, and inhuman. What kind of God demands you believe or die?

...my favorite authors could write and publish as fast as I read. Oh, and some of them need to be not dead, so they can keep entertaining me.

...I had more patience and understanding.

...I knew how to make my wife happy.

...I could write poetry like Jean. Heck, I wish I could write well, period.

...we could get a little snow.

...I could make another trip to Europe, especially Germany, to see my friends.

...we knew what was really wrong with Marvin Harrison.

...we knew what was in the Belicheat tapes, and how many there were. Nice cover up NixonFL.

...someone would fry me some bacon (long-time readers know this is a frequent desire of mine).

...I could spend all day doing research on whatever subject struck my fancy. Heck, I might even write about it!

...there was a sprout of the proverbial money tree in my backyard.

...Og would get a deer.

...Allie would stop by and just say "Hi, I am doin' fine."

...I could get laid soon, it has been a long time.

...my Wabash Little Giants had played better. I do not mind losing, but five INTs is too much.

..The Clintons and the Bushes would go away from the political scene forever. And that goes double for Jimmah Carter.

...I could buy the world a Coke...

...you a great day.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005