February 18, 2010

Me and Obama

President Obama's stimulus has saved over 2,000,000 jobs.

I have created and saved 643,137 jobs.

You better get busy.

In addition:

I can eat 100 boiled eggs.

I can run the mile in under four minutes.

I once ate an entire elephant in one sitting.

I lifted a car off a pregnant woman.

I performed open heart surgery using only a ball point pen and a plastic knife. The patient went on to create and save an addition 9,766 jobs.

The Yankees wanted to draft me instead of Jeter. I turned them down.

Bill Gates occasionally asks me for a loan to get him through until payday.

Brooklyn Decker will not quit calling me for dates.

Payton Manning often calls me for advice from the sidelines. I am sure you have seen him on the phone.

I can shoot laser beams from my eyes.

I once made a horse cry.

I caused global warming

When I am in a playful mood I sometimes ride on the back of my pet grizzly bear.

Women want me, men want to be me.

I think I will save another dozen or so jobs this morning.

6 comments:

leeann said...

Jack Bauer was heard to openly envy you. Chuck Norris just hung his head and cried.

Dan O. said...

I saw those Obamessiah numbers on TV last night and told my wife there's no way they can lay claim to any of those. Especially if any of them were government related positions. Which means everybody has to pay more taxes to pay those new salaries. I haven't had a raise in two years. Paying more taxes is a move backward. How does that stimulate the economy?

dick said...

Pussy!

mts1 said...

Let's see, even giving him his inflated numbers: $700B/2M.

Couldn't we give 100 million people a cut of the money directly and tell them they had to spend it all in three months or lose it, can't save a dime of it? Buy a house or clean out the hardware store rehabbing their own, American car, yacht, American grown food for the Haitians, a Harley, a case of tequila, *start a business,* whatever. They can even pre-order stuff if the stock isn't in the warehouse. Now there's an economic jump start.

This job creating reminds me of when Ellen Degenerate had her show on, and claimed it saved three lives a week. Liberals do that. They're worse than the Tobacco Institute when it was making numbers. Call them on it and they shrug and go to the next lie.

Ted Amadeus said...

*ROFPMPLMMFAO!!!*

Slacker.

Anonymous said...

Want to impress me,force Erin to say she was wrong about something.









James Old Guy

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