I was set to talk about wounds and pain and swelling and such. It suddenly occurred to me I am becoming a 70 year old woman, every one-sided conversation we have around here is about what the fuck is wrong with me. Sorry.
I am not that old. Yet.
Maybe I have told you a little secret in one of the three thousand plus posts I have cobbled together over the years: I used to be a librarian. Yes, indeed, and let me tell you something, librarian conventions are not nearly the fun you imagine they are. I was the librarian at a branch library in a very small town (population 2,500). I was the man at the place, in fact, the only employee.
Anyway, on my last day at the little library I ran I was chomping at the bit to get out. Mrs. Mays came in late in the afternoon, like she did every day. I gave her the standard greeting "Good afternoon, Mrs. Mays, how are you?" And as usual she started to tell me. She listed a headache, back pain, whatever. And like many twenty-somethings I lost control and just blurted out "I'm sorry, Mrs. Mays, but that was a rhetorical question". She stared at me for a long moment , gave a mighty harrumph and headed into the stacks.
Alberta, one of my favorite patrons, was in the building, and began to laugh her head off. She came over and in her typical loud fashion exclaimed "I have wanted to tell her that for years".
The day was winding down and I was making sure the place was clean and tidy and ready for the next librarian to take over. The door banged open and Alberta was there. She asked me to come outside. There, in her little wagon she used to haul books back and forth to her house a few blocks away, was a case of beer. For me. She said it was a reward for being such a good friend over the past couple of years, but mostly for "shutting up that Mays bitch". Alberta added in a stage whisper " I have hated that old lady for thirty years".
When you come by here to see what is going on you are only metaphysically wondering how I am today. You really don't want to know or care. You just want to be entertained. Or something.
So, I am not going to tell you about that kind of shit. At least not today.
Have a great weekend.