October 31, 2016

And while we are at it, stay off my lawn

When I am the King of the World, and for the life of me I cannot understand why I have yet to be coronated by general acclimation, I will decree Halloween outlawed. It represents the worst of society. Think on it. The whole basis of the celebration is to go to a neighbor, or even a stranger, and query "trick or treat?". That is just the lesson I want the youth of America learning; to loot and beg.

There are religious and pagan roots to Halloween going back to harvest festivals and blah, blah you didn't come here for a history lesson. You didn't, did you? Because I will bring out the facts....I thought not.

Now Halloween has become just a big retail holiday designed to capture your spare dollars between back-to-school shopping and a kick off to Christmas. For goodness sake, the Big Yellow Price Tag has been advertising Holiday shopping for more than a week already! That is something else I will address when I am Supreme Global Pontiff and Ruler of All Land and Sea. That alone is good enough to put me in charge. I won't even mention that with me crowned Arbiter of Taste and Ultimate Leader you will never, ever have to see or hear a political ad again.

Anyway, the begging bastards better show up this year. I bought the candy and I do not need the leftovers.  The past few years have been a bust for the looters and beggars here in the neighborhood. Back when we lived in Shelbytucky, we had hundreds of visitors on Halloween. The neighborhood looked like what you see on made for TV movies; families and kids moving in vast herds from door-to-door collecting candy under threat of vandalism and mayhem.

We are ready, if the kids show up. At least until next year, when things will different. Surely, I will be Emperor of Everything by then.


9 comments:

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

And the Cubs would win the World Series every year, right?

Forced game 6. Might force game 7. They did win one in Cleveland. Maybe Kyle Schwarber will bang a couple of big ones at DH. Much as I hate to say anything good about the DH.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Oh, and f*** Halloween. I hate Halloween with a passion.

Joe said...

They have the best guys on the mound. We shall see

Jean said...

One little game puts you in such a good mood!

Joe said...

It does not take much to make me happy. Or sad. Life as a manic is not for everyone!

Jean said...

Ha!

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

What makes me sad is that, either one or two games from now, we'll have to wait till next year for baseball :(

:-D

Jean said...

Fuzzy, me too.

Joe said...

Indeed it is going to be a long wait until April

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