Duck quacks don't echo

Hey! It is summer. That means reruns.

June 30, 2011

It would be cool if some bright young genius would find a way to insert a little code into Blogger that would allow me to type with an echo. You know, like the recording of Lou Gehrig when he says "Today...ay...ay...I consider myself..elf..elf..The luckiest man...an..an... alive...

Because today's post would be rife with that cool echo thingy. When I write "Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on Earth" I too, like the Iron Man Gehrig, could have that awesome echo.

You see, today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth (OK, just pretend there is the echo thingy). Today is my 27th anniversary. Yep, 27 years. I verified the math on my calculator. The wife and I stood in the Methodist Church back on June 30, 1984 and we mutually pledged to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Hold on, the Founding Fathers made that pledge. The wife and I pledged our love and marriage.

So far there has been a lot more health than sickness, and the poorer has far outweighed the richer. I will say this, the next time I get married there is going to be some kind of codicil in the vows about nookie. I'm just sayin'.

Seriously, my wife is a saint.  If you think I am irritating and obnoxious around here, you ought to try living with me. I am hard-headed, opinionated and find myself really amusing. There must be some redeeming qualities I fail to recognize when I look in the mirror, because the wife has stuck with me through a lot of thin and a little thick.

Woops, sorry about that. I just realized I forgot to turn off the imaginary echo thingy feature. Anyway, the whole point of this post is to tell you I am a lucky man.

Thinking back on the events of that warm June day in 1984, I have to question my wife's judgment. Not only did she agree to marry me, but she made the groomsmen wear light blue tuxedos. Clearly the woman has some flaws. But in all, I made a much better deal than she did.

I am a lucky man, indeed. But you have to admit I would be bordering on true greatness if I had an echo thingy for my blog. 

Oh, and duck soounds do produce an echo. 


Edit: it is now...ow...ow been 35 years...ears...ears...today

Cruel Summer

Oh, I could have gone with “Hot town summer in the city” as the title instead, but whatever. In any case it seems we will finally have a warm and sunny weekend. I say Woot and Huzzah. Some friends invited us to hang at their pool. It is supposed to be 90+ today so that will be great. It is good to have friends with nice stuff.

In other news, based on the debates, the Dems have gone full commie. If you like your insurance you can’t keep it. Open borders for all and let’s take money from you and me to give the immigrants benefits. Free stuff for everyone. Let’s out Venezuela Venezuela.  Does the Democratic Party realize “Imagine “ is a song, not a political platform? Have they studied history or economics? Have they even read the Constitution they each swore to uphold? I told you they were the modern Jacobins, complete with all the anger.

My Saturday coffee has finished percolating. Yes I’m going old school today. Perhaps a bit of java will mellow me out.

The sun is just creeping to the horizon and the view out the window is that subdued blue gray you see just before sunrise. The birds are already singing in the new day. Yes, I’m up early.

I hope you have a great Saturday. Be sure to tune in tomorrow, I have a special post already canned.

Edit:  I lost my charger for my decrepit iPad I, so I’m blogging from my phone for the past week. For some reason I am unable to comment on this or any other blog (hello Jean!). I’m sure it is 100% user error.

Did I post this before? I can’t remember

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood.

To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, they walked down to their old school.

There, they held hands as they found the desk they shared and where he’d carved “I love you, Sally”.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car practically at their feet.

She quickly picked it up, but they didn’t know what to do with it, so they took it home. There, she counted the money – it was $50,000!

The husband said: “We’ve got to give it back”. She said, “Finders keepers” and put the money back in the bag and hid it up in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men who were going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money showed up at their home.

One knocked on the door and said: “Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” She said: “No.”

The husband said: “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

She said: “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile,” but the agents sat the man down and began to question him.

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

The old man said: “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …”

At this, the FBI guy looked at his partner and said: “We’re outta here!”

Problems

Two buddies are at a bar, talking about their problems. “I haven’t sold one tractor all month,” a tractor salesman tells his friend.

“That’s nothing compared to my problem,” his buddy replies. “I was milking my cow when its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its tail up to the rafters. Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters. I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up to the rafters. Then my wife comes walking in and I’ll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I’ll buy a tractor off ya.”

What really happened to Willie Loman

I know why you are here

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

Dred Scott and Plessy v Ferguson were precedent too

I’m sipping coffee while looking out the patio doors before heading to the shower and subsequently work. I have nothing of interest to report this morning.

Nothing new in the statement. It does move the politics down the page.

Have a great Monday

Hi Cynical

Happy Sunday. Sinatra is softly crooning in the background as I compose on the fly. Yes, blog fans, this waste of time is nearly always a stream-of-conscious effort. Outside of jokes, most everything is just my thoughts of the moment -- the politics, the fiction, the mundane. Yes, I know, the incoherence is a dead giveaway.

Let me see if I have the latest political brouhaha and evidence Trump is the Antichrist correct. A woman claims The Trumpster groped her in a department store in the mid-1990s. And she says she would not press charges because of migrant rapes at the border and that she wishes she had asked for Trump's tax returns. Huh?

Yes, that all seems perfectly sane. I'm surprised she didn't claim Brett Kavenaugh was waiting outside the dressing room curtain to grab some sloppy seconds.

Do you think these accusations have anything to do with the book the "victim" has just written?

There is even less evidence in this accusation than he insane child slavery pizza joint nonsense.

TDS is real. Get some help.

This whole thing is so clearly bunk. I can't believe I wasted ten minutes of a beautiful Sunday on it.

How about a palate cleanser?:

Random Saturday

I'm blogging from my front porch this morning. A squirrel sits on hind legs in the neighbor's driveway, alternately scolding me and staring. A cardinal sings in the maple in my front yard. The sky is heavy with cloud, it is only a matter of time before the rain resumes.

I cut the grass last night while there was a brief dry spell.

In my never-ending romp through history I come to many conclusions. George Rogers Clark does not get the credit for being an American hero he deserves. His brother is more well known, but the feats George accomplished in the Revolutionary War are the stuff of legend, and those of us who live in the Midwest have Clark to thank. It is quite possible the Revolutionary War could have ended with the United States borders ending at the Appalacians, if not for Clark.

I have been floating along for some months dabbling in the French Revolution as well. In a comparison that is more than surface deep, I see many parallels with today's Democrat Party. I previously compared the Democrats to the Levellers of 17th Century England and one wing of today's Democrat party still fits that bill.

But the increasingly shrill and militant arm is very akin to the Jacobin Party of Revolutionary France. No, they have not started rounding up their opponents for a trumble ride to the Place de la Revolution for a date with Madame Guillotine, but the efforts to silence anyone they disagree, their economic policies, their general intolerance and self-righteousness is Jacobian to the core. The good news is AOC is no Robespierre nor Danton; she is not that smart. Unfortunately, I see a very sans coulotte-like attitude among many of the twenty-somethings in America.

Holy Crap! I interrupt this "old man get of my lawn" diatribe. I reached down to grab my cup of coffee for a sip and there was a chipmunk sitting next to the cup. I'm not sure who jumped more. He scurried off in a panic leaving behind a small wet spot next to my coffee where he pissed himself in terror. I'm sure he is wondering what I'm doing out here.

I've rambled on enough. Go ahead, look up the Jacobins. Learn something.

No Joke

Literally, no joke today

I did get a haircut today, so I feel better, even if I still will not turn the heads of the ladies.

It is supposed to rain more later. I’m starting to feel like I live in Oregon without the scenery.

I wish I had something of more substance to offer you

I guess I should go back to jokes

Baby Airplanes

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy had been looking out of the window. He turned to his mother and asked,

“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother couldn’t think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” 

The boy replied, “Yes, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. “Have your mother explain that to you.”

The truth hurts

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Looking stunned, he said, “What?”

Bad Day

There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me.”

“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jack-ass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

Title, I have to remember to put a title

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there.

It continues to rain here at the homestead. I’ve started gathering wood for my ark. Sheesh, I bet we have 2-3 inches of rain since late Friday night.

I think I’m still gonna throw some pork on the smoker late this morning. Let me know if you are coming over. I want to make enough potato salad.

I brew up a pot of coffee in my percolater this morning because why not?

Have a great Sunday

Who knew John Dean was still alive? G Gordon Liddy could still kick his ass

Surprise! It is raining. It will be yet another soggy weekend here in the Hoosierland. It is probably wet at your house too if you live outside of the southwest.

Normally, we have naught scheduled on the weekends. The wife and I could never be considered social butterflies. We are invited to two parties today! The girl across the street is graduating and our best (pretty much only) friends are having a 35th Anniversary party. Our Saturday is booked. Unfortunately both parties are at the same time

The Cubs got hammered again last night by the evil Dodgers. I do enjoy listening to the late ball games when I go to bed

Can anyone tell me what John “Watergate “ Dean had to offer regarding Trump and Russia, Russia, Russia? Dude was a criminal turncoat in the Nixon administration. He was a rat fink who only was redeemed in Democrat eyes because he helped bring down Nixon. He has since made a career going on cable and bashing Republicans. Dean hasn’t been involved in government since I was a little kid, what the hell does he know? Only the Democrats would call someone convicted of Lying to Congress to testify to ...Congress.

What next? Are the Democrats going to bring in an expert on the Tea Pot Dome Affair? Let’s rehash every Republican scandal we can find. Johnson was only saved from  impeachment by one vote, maybe the Senate can get a re-do on that one? WTH we are erasing our past anyway, why not.

Johnson’s crime was a reluctance to really punish the South for Slavery, so it would fit with the current political atmosphere.

Boy this blog is going to be prime evidence when the AOC Democrat thought police get in charge. Don’t believe me? The California Democrats have put a plank in their platform that not all speech should be protected by the First Amendment. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Do I need to explain again that the First Amendment exist to protect the most heinous speech? That is why it exists.

You probably wish I would just stick to posting old jokes.

Have a great Saturday

Friday Funny

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabbie agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man’s head.

The wife shouted, “Don’t do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.” “He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!”

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, “What would you do?”

The cabbie said, “I’d cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

Bada boomp

A guy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave.

“Excuse me,” said the bartender, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” said the guy, “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”

Indeed

Another cowboy boot joke

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yelled, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Margaret?”

“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.

“It’s hanging down, because it’s looking at my new BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert! Shoulda bought a hat.”

Up where the sky is bright

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to the earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window I muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail!

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, “Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite.

Socrates’ Smelly Socks

I had every intention of firing up the smoker today. It looks like the weather refuses to cooperate. In a surprising weekend twist it is raining. Sure, I can BBQ in the rain, but the smoker has to work harder. Plus, I don’t want to go out in the downpour to tend to it —adding wood, adjusting the smoke, etc.

Beyond that, I have nothing of interest to report.

How about one of my favorite tunes to mellow your Sunday?

Have a great day

Another completed loop through the heavens

Today is my lovely wife’s birthday she will be ... do you think I’m stupid? Don’t answer that. Do you think I’m so stupid as to spread her age all over the interwebz?  We had a moderate steak dinner last night for an early birthday dinner and I’m headed off to grab some donuts after I finish this post. The oldest granddaughter has s dance recital this evening so we needed to celebrate a day early. Watching four year olds dance is like watching goats attempting synchronized swimming. I know from experience it will be semi-organized chaos.

It looks like Trump’s tariff threat to Mexico worked. Mexico claims it will try to reduce the tide of illegals. I was wrong.

Like a lot of stuff Trump does, I don’t like the style but love the results. I agree with the vast majority of the administration’s policies.

It looks like another rainy weekend. It seems to always rain on the wife’s birthday

Picture gone

These boots were made for walkin

A lady went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him $200. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”

“Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

Why can’t we just get along?

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,”I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the Green Beret, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret’s boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” the Green Beret asked. “This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?”

The Race

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running, I figure I’d better run too!”

A tax is a tax no matter what you call it

Happy Saturday. It seems to be a fine day, albeit a bit cool. It will rain later. Of course it will.

The kitchen sink has developed a drip. Since the ground floor is open - the family room and kitchen are not separated by walls - I can hear the drip drip drip 💧 every few minutes. It looks like some plumbing is in my very near future.  Hooray for me.

In other news, nada. Things are boring. I could complain about stuff but who wants to read that?

To delve just a bit into politics, you do understand that the shipping country doesn’t pay a tariff? These import taxes on Chinese and now Mexican goods are not levied on the producing country. The tariff is paid when the goods enter the States. That means you and I are paying them through higher prices. The one proposed for Mexico will hurt right at the grocery store. Where do you think that early spring produce comes from?

Why do you think the Bostonians heaved that tea off the ships into the harbor? Because the tax was due if it came through customs. That is what customs is — tax collection. Border Control is a different function.

I know I’m in a minority in opposing these tariffs over here on the right. Maybe I should work for an American company and it won’t matter so much? Unfortunately I have spent my life selling parts for vehicles of all sorts, from ag to construction to forklift to big truck to autos and there is not one of those without an international presence. If you think a tariff will result in factories springing up in the heartland in the next few months you are spending too much time down at the local head shop. It doesn’t work that way.

The same politicians want more union jobs will throw so many roadblocks, regulations, and permits to actually build a factory that it takes years to get a new venture up and running. Oh, then the union does everything possible to keep jobs, not keep the employer profitable. Yeah, business exists to make money, not create jobs.

Exit soapbox.

How about a little music to mellow things out?

I hope you have a great Saturday