November 9, 2005

AT&T is a piece of shit.

I have had an ongoing dispute with the people at AT&T. About a year ago we started getting bills from them, about $5 per month. We called them and said we never signed up for your service, we will not use it, make it go away. We use our cell phones for long distance calling. More bills. Call again. More bills. Now they start to call from their collection department, they want their $17.00. The wife explains it again. After about 5 or six months, of this she finally gets it clear WE DO NOT WANT THEIR SERVICE. Customer Service wipes out the charges. We are done right? Nope, about three months ago we get a bill. The wife calls goes through it again. They say we have to call customer service, get a toll free number. You can only get a recording with that number to pay your bill.

Fast forward to last week, collections call, the wife explains it again. Today they call at lunch. Whoops, I am home this time. I not very nicely tell the lady from AT&T collections where she can put her $23 invoice. I told her I am sick of this, etc. etc. She tells me I have to call a different number. Now I am more than a little pissed off. I call the number, my only choice is the automated pay system. I try again, same result. At this point I want a human to yell at. The blood pressure is up, I have resorted to screaming curse words at the automated system. I am banging the phone in a vain effort to talk to a human. Repeated "fuck you AT&T"s rumble off my tongue as my hands start to shake. Foam dribbles from the corner of my mouth. The contortions of my face make my vision blur as I dial again and again in the vain hope that the system will recognize my number and give me an actual live human to speak to.

I try the caller ID and get the number of collections. I call that number, enter my information. Yes, again I get the automated pay system, only this one actually says they will be glad to help me after I make a payment. ARRRRGGGGH. I want to rip the phone from the wall, The letters A and T are about to be banned from my home. I would rather not have phone service than deal with this company for one more minute.

I call the 800 customer service line again. This time I enter my company phone number: bam -- customer service person in mere moments. He is a little perplexed when I explain that the number I am calling about is different. I tell him my home number. He tells me three different times that the number I want to discuss is different than the number I gave the automated system. I explained in an exasperated manner that I needed to talk to a live person. He told me I could pay the bill with the automated system. I explain it all again in a very loud and angry voice, complete with editorial asides on the automated hell, and the stupidity of his company. I ask why we keep going through this billing issue. He allows that the account was credited about six months ago, and the notes say we do not want the service, but we made a one minute phone call in July (11 cents) so that reactivated the service. He will not credit the $23. I wish him luck, and spend the next minute again explaining to him what I think of his company. I also let him know that because AT&T are such dicks, I cancelled my business service last month and switched to the competitor. AT&T just lost about $400 per month (I am sure they could care less) over ELEVEN DAMN CENTS.

I called my local service to make sure AT&T was erased forever from my phone (they were more than happy). After they said they would set me up for long distance at $2.00 per month I said NO. We use our cell phones for long distance, and our total long distance for the last 4 months is a combined $2.64. Then came the kicker. I hung up the phone, defeated, deflated, despaired. I gave up, I waved the white flag. I am now a Frenchman for the day.

Are ready for this? The fucking Federal Government will charge me a one time universal fee of $5.50 for canceling my long distance. Right, the Government is going to charge me for not buying a service. Tell me again we have a free country. ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES. Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and the Sons of Liberty where are you, we need you again!

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