Beautiful Loser

A few years ago my mother gave me a box of "stuff", it was all the school pictures, report cards, artwork, etc. she had saved over the years. The trashheap of my childhood. There were homemade cards for Mother's day, and birthdays I had made. I could not spell as a child either.

In the box were various ribbons from my athletic days. There were ribbons from my brief cross country career and from many wrestling meets and tourneys. There were no blue, only one red, I think. Most were for participation or, in the case of cross country, double digit placements. Whoohoo, I got 37th at the Northwestern Invitational -- way to go! There were some third place for wrestling, but not once did I raise my arms a champion. A loser always. I think the only thing I ever won was a history contest in the eighth grade. I overheard the comments as I walked by, "He won?, I did not think he was that smart."

Some things never change. I console myself that in the game of life most of us participate, few win. I know there are many worse off than I. I have a house, a car, a wonderful family, a good job. I continue to pay for financial mistakes I made fifteen or twenty years ago. My cars are old, my garage cluttered. My bathroom needs remodeling. My house is too small for my family. Paying for my daughter's college is killing me. I would have it no other way.

The point is just once, I would like to have that feeling of being a champion, a winner, the best. I would like to be able to tell you I am good at something. I joke that at least one person in my graduating class in college had me to thank that he could say he was in the top 50% of his graduating class on his resume. Some of you know my real name is Joe; Average Joe. If they had such a vote I would be elected most forgettable. I live in an average house in an average town. I have few good friends and lots of acquaintances. I do not know my neighbors, but I always wave hello. If I were to quit writing this blog most of you would bat nary an eye. We all want to leave a mark. Mine will be a footprint in the early morning's wet grass, and about as long lasting.

Rest assured, this is not a poor me, I hope I die post. I believe in the existence of God simply by the fact that he gives us a new day every 24 hours. Another chance. One more opportunity to get it right, to be a champion, a winner. I have accepted my lot in life. Happiness is where you find it. That is why I get such a kick when you come here to read my crap. In a long-winded poor Hoosierboy way I am saying Thanks. I really do appreciate it.