Masturbating Goats

I will freely admit I am not the smartest guy that ever lived. I am pretty sure Isaac Newton (the cookie guy?) and Albert Einstein were both smarter than I. At least one person in my graduating class in college has me to thank for his ability to claim on his first resume that he graduated in the top 1/2 of his class (you wordsmiths out there try to top that for the most pronouns in one sentence).

Our city has an ordinance that says all trash must be in bags, and in a garbage can. The city claims this speeds the collection effort, reduces overtime, etc. There are actually fines in place for noncompliance. Every week I watch the garbage men open the cans and remove the bags one by one and throw them in the back of the truck. How can this possible be faster than when I and my neighbors put the trash bags next to the curb?

I need a high paying job in city management. The time study on that ordinance would take about 5 minutes to complete.

On the wish I had a camera phone front #2:

There is one of those roadside stands down the highway from my house that sells produce, flowers, yard ornaments, sunglasses, beach towels... Anyway they have a big orange sign out front that reads:

All ceament and concreat 50% or have off

It has been there two weeks now. Even I know "have off" is not right!