Apologies

Oh, we are a sorry bunch. Everyone is apologizing these days. Don Imus for trying to be a hip rap artist, the LA Police Chief because his officers used "excessive" measures on rowdy rioting illegals, Clinton for slavery, Carter for everything. The list goes on forever. Well I wants me a piece of the apology pie.

I want an apology for the lousy breakfast I was sold at the Golden Arches this morning. I want a big ole Patsy Cline 'sorry' for the price of gas. Most of all I want a certain individual on her knees wailing, begging for forgiveness. I want true remorse for the wrongs done to me, for ruining my plans, for disappointing me on a regular basis. I want long-lasting and sincere lamentations for the pain and suffering inflicted upon my person. No, I am not targeting the chick that pulls out the lottery balls (but she would be high on the list). I am talking about the weather lady, and her cohorts on the local news.

Time after time their prognostications have proven to be as false as Nostradamus, less reliable than the bum on the corner decrying the end of the world. When these weather charlatans are not shouting about doom and disaster like Chicken Little, they are promising sunny days that somehow get ruined buy a slow moving front, an unexpected dip in the gulf stream, an Alberta Clipper. Do they make their predictions through augury -- do they toss sheep bones, read the mixture of blood and entrails, the flight of birds, tea leaves? All could be as accurate as the computers, Doppler radars, and fancy graphics employed today. With all the advances in science they can no better predict the weather than ship captain with a barometer 200 years ago. Just think, these same individuals want us to buy into their weather predictions for 100 years in the future. Al Gore, you have more faith than I in the forecasting capabilities of the weather babe.

If I did my forecasts with the same degree of accuracy we accept with complacency from these hacks, I would have lost my job long ago and the company warehouse would be full of the wrong widgets. Let us look at the weather man's performance this week for example. On Monday the five day forecast was:

Tues Rain in the afternoon and evening
Wed Rain ending by morning -- party sunny the balance of the day
Thur Sunny
Friday Sunny and warm
Sat Sunny and warm

On Tuesday the forecast remained the same except the rain did not arrive so it was going to stretch into the early afternoon on Wednesday. OK, they were off by about 12 hours, this is borderline acceptable. It was still raining off and on at Eight PM.

Now here is the forecast offered this morning:

Thurs Rain off and on
Friday Rain, possible severe storms
Sat Rain ending in early afternoon
Sun Sunny
Mon Sunny

How can it change so much in two days? I want what is coming to me, I want you to tell me you are sorry, I want you fired. I want you placed in a pillory in the town square where we can pelt you with banana peels and rotten tomatoes. We will put you there on a day you predict will be sunny and 80, knowing full well the weather will be drizzle and 63 degrees. I want my sunny and warm Saturday.

Do not relax yet lottery chick, you are next.