Packing beef in his pants...

5:39 p.m., Kroger's, 1601 E. Michigan Road - According to the police report, a loss-prevention employee first saw Gary E. Junken, 50, pulling ham out of his pants and leaving it in the soft-drink aisle. He then followed Junken and observed Junken packing beef in his pants. When stopped after going through the checkout and leaving the building, he had three packages concealed in his pants, approximately nine pounds of Kroger-brand ground beef, priced at $6.27 each. Junken was charged with criminal conversion.

--The Shelbyville News 07/22/2007

Me and Junken are...