I received thsi last week in an email:
1. I think part of a best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start with # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my driveway.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer their call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
ROFL@ #5! I just was them up and throw them in the closet.
ReplyDelete"avoid ghetto" option is good, but then no one would ever find me!
ReplyDelete:o)
# 22 doesn't surprise me one bit.
ReplyDeleteStarting the week with wisdom.
ReplyDeletehoorah!
5. I so wish they'd sell sets with two top sheets and two pillowcases instead of always having the damned fitted sheet. I can't find them anywhere, and don't know why. The Army was able to provide them, and I learned how to properly put one over the mattress, and once they're on there's no bunching of the bottom sheet.
ReplyDelete7. MapQuest is made with the same idea the Army uses for its equipment: made by geniuses to be successfully used by morons. HB, you're in the top half of the population, and MapQuest has to program for everyone, even welfare Democrats and airhead trophy wives.
8. For once it'd be interesting to see an obit that instead of praising the dead, admitted the truth and said, "Yeah, he was a dick." Sen Byrd was the last good chance for this, but even the blacks were lining up to praise him.
20. When I drove a semi I was one of the guys who straddled the lane and weaved so the asshats couldn't barrel down the shoulder to bunch up in front of the flashing arrow. The nicer the car, the harder I'd flick the trailer.
22. That's from the macho notion that it was sissy for a guy to protect his brain. Wear a padded uniform so bulky that makes you look like Beebolin the Michellin Man, ok, but cover the face or head, you pansy! Same went for baseball until Beckert had his face shattered by a pitch, and mandating it was the only way to make it acceptable (even then it was for new players onward, with older ones exempt). And bikers: boots to protect the ankle, check; full leathers for road rash, check; full face helmet, or helmet at all, what are you trying to do, curb my freedom and individuality?
And can I add one that I invented when I got tired of having to "parent" my ex-husband?
ReplyDeleteSometimes, alone is BETTER.
And it was until I finally found the right guy a couple years later.
Ahem...I meant "WAD" them up. geez
ReplyDelete19. I do that all the time and sometimes I get caught when I realize I'd been asked a question. Maybe schools should start teaching Ebonics, Redneck, and a mixture of the two.
ReplyDelete