April 30, 2011

Toad you so

I went out to mow those portions of my yard that are not still swamp. As I poured gas from the can something jumped next to my foot. I had to be careful not to spill the gold gas, so I could not check out what kind of critter was trying to attack me until after the tank was full.

I knew it wasn't a snake, it looked more like a grasshopper, but I know those only appear around my dandelion patch in the fall. I soon spied my petite aggressor.  It was a toad about an inch or two across.

I picked it up and gave it a lick.  Not only did it not give me the Timothy Leary Buzz I needed to get through the yard work, it tasted like old moldy leaves.  Plus, it pissed in my hand. I threw it clear. Just to keep from running over it with the mower -- I don't want any smelly hippie environmentals out here giving me trouble.

I got the yard done and decided that since I missed out on Earth Day due to incessant rain, I would get out the Roundup and do some killing. I got me some weeds and maybe a few flowers that jumped in the way. I sprayed some driveway grass right next to the bare spot in the yard. How does grass grow in concrete but not dirt a few feet away?

As I sprayed the last weed bed I accidentally might have got some overspray on a little toad. I really did not mean to -- he was hiding under some green weed-looking stuff. I am pretty sure it was the same toad that previously failed in every way to give me the psychedelic trip around the bay. I don't think I would lick the Roundup toad now.

It is supposed to hit the mid seventies today with SUN! maybe I will have a stogie this afternoon.

Enjoy your Saturday.

2 comments:

  1. Amazing what a little sunshine can do eh?

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  2. How does grass grow in concrete but not dirt a few feet away?

    Just to f*** with you. Grass is the asshole of the flora arena. It grows where it'll cause pressure and slowly erode things like cement and mortar, but refuses to root and is a delicate as a Shuttle launch in places you want a nice carpet unless you hire some monthly spray company to douse it with chemicals that'll make a superfund site out of the yard, where you'll never want even your grandchildren trying to grow tomatoes in that putrid soil.

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