Gurgle phlaaat splash moan

I have been up since about four in the ay-em crapping my brains out.  I know what you are thinking. Given the material, it should not take that long.  Hardy har har.

Have you ever been making rock candy and burnt the sugar? Do you know that smell?  Now imagine you are burring that sugar syrup and add in some garlic. Toss in a healthy dose of burnt rubber and Naphtha gas. Now imagine those odors all mixed together. My butt explosions smelled like that, only if you added ingredient 'X' that magically intensified the worst of the smells tenfold. Ponder that for a moment and then picture yourself in the hall bathroom with me,  my stomach gurgling, bowls rumbling, and my anus spewing repeated explosions of gas and semi-solid fecal matter. My fetid butt gravy is not so funny now, is it Laughing Boy?

Between trips to the can I watched some infomercial selling knives. The pitchmen were horrible, the production values worse.  It was like a bunch of swap meet neighbors got together and filmed the deal in their garage. Yet somehow I found myself tempted to pick up the phone and order some. How does that happen?  I have never ordered anything off the TV. I did not this morning, but it was close.  I guess I really did nearly crap my brains out.

There is a heavy coating of frost on the pumpkin this morning -- the grass and windows of the car too. I moved the wife's giant potted mums up to the porch last night, I hope that was enough protection as the nighttime temperatures dropped to freezing. The leaves on the oaks and maples will really start to turn and fall now.

We have no plans for the day.  At least none the Boss has sen fit to share. I suspect a long nap in the recliner is in order. I suspect just reading about this puts you on the edge of your seat in excitement.  Just one more entry in a long list of reasons you wish you were me.