It is a good thing I was not on TV

I woke in a strange room in a strange bed in the middle of the night. I stumbled toward the bathroom and promptly banged my left foot on a sturdy piece of furniture. I said words that you cannot say on TV.

After correcting for my wrong turn, I limped into the bathroom. In the fuzzy light I noticed the toenail on my fourth toe was half torn away; vertically, not horizontally.  That is to say it was torn lose from the end to the nail bed. Blood was involved. More words you cannot say on TV were uttered. Stupid hotel room. Such an event surely was not my fault.

I turned on the lights and rummaged through my briefcase and found a band-aid.  I used a washcloth to blot away the blood. I used the band-aid to tape the thing down. Just for good measure I mumbled a few more words you cannot say on TV.

I replaced the band aid last night, the nail appears to be sticking back into place. It is black.  I suspect that despite my heroic efforts, and accompanying words you cannot say on TV, the nail will still fall off in the distant future.