Crocodile Tears

 Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River. After a few hours just lying about, the smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids – I just don’t get it.’

‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘What have you been eating?’ ‘Well, mostly politicians that come here with their mistresses, same as you!’ replied the small Croc. ‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’ ‘On the other side of the river near the car park.’

‘Same here. Hmm… Tell me your method. How do you catch them?’ asked the big Croc. ‘Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the c*ap out of them and eat ’em!’

‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the c*ap out of a Politician, there’s nothing much left but an a**hole with a briefcase.’