Of course I laughed. So did my wife, she sent it to me. No it is not a cartoon about her, she doesn’t have blond hair...
And now it is time for AnyMouse to launch a diatribe on sexism because nothing is ever a joke to the perpetually aggrieved leftists.
Shares of Stanley Black and Decker tumbled nearly 14% yesterday after the tool-making giant posted less-than-expected earnings. It seems as prices of everyday stuff rises people are not going out to buy new drills, saws, and nailers.
Yet the Biden cabal is telling us we are not in a recession. Inflation was just reported as the highest since the early 1980s. Now the Democrats want to double down with another massive spending program.
Look, I’ll readily admit economics wasn’t my strongest subject in college. I do know very smart people with degrees in economics. They have consented over the years to explain economics to me in layman’s terms. Quite simply, the more money in an economy the greater risk of inflation. The big payments and giveaways early in the Biden Administration (and Trump — he shares in this) put too much money into the economy and coupled with decreasing the flow of oil, has resulted in massive inflation.
This is what you get when you elect people whose entire economic theory is expressed in a hippie song.
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
‘Are these plates clean?’
His grandfather replied: ‘They’re as clean as cold water can get ‘em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’
For lunch, the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked: ‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’
Without looking up the old man said: ‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled: ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car’.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted:
“Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me?!’
I decided some fresh corn on the cob would be good for supper with the pulled pork. I was going to grill it but rumbling thunder and steady rain convinced me to throw it in a pot of boiling water instead.
Just as supper was about to come together that weird buzzing and piercing tone those of us who live in flyover country know so well erupted from my phone and the TV. Tornado warning! I switched over to the local station to get the weather radar. A big red and purple blob was moving right at the old homestead from the west.
I pulled the potatoes from the oven, grabbed the wife and headed for the basement.
No I didn’t. I don’t even have a basement. Instead I went to the front windows and looked to the west see what I could see. I saw the gutters overflowing and the newly laid mulch splattering on the porch. I saw the maple limbs whipping in the wind. I did not see twisters in the sky.
The corn was done so we sat down to eat as the warning expired. It was some mild excitement to an otherwise dull Sunday.
It is strange how I cannot wake up during the week but get up early on the weekend. So here I sit on the couch, a hot cup of coffee steaming on the end table pecking away one-fingered on the iPad. Life is good.
I had a political rant forming in my mind. I let it go. I’m not gonna change any minds. Sure, I will drop a screed in the coming days, it is what I do. Not today.
We are heading off to our friends’ for a pool day. Since we never go empty-handed I have a couple of snacks to make later this morning. We are taking some kind of peanut butter brownie cupcake things from a mix the wife bought. I am also going to throw some Velveeta and Rotelle in the crockpot for some easy nacho dip.
Whose dip is it? Nacho dip.
Yes, I went there. More? Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? So when they come to port they can Scandinavian.
Try it out loud.
I’ve said it many times, you get what you pay for around here.
Have a great Saturday. I plan on it.
Edit so much for plans. The rains that were scheduled for early morning have set it and made swimming an unattractive option. Instead we will join our friends this evening for cheap eats and some cards. Almost as good. I’ll take it.
If I was as bad at forecasting as the weather people I would be out of a job. And worse, they are totally unapologetic about their failure so very often to be right and accurate.
I am completely baffled. I wrote a post yesterday afternoon and canned it for posting early this morning. I knew I would be tied up in meetings most of the morning and wanted to give you the benefit of my wit and wisdom.
I know it published. I just didn’t publish it for this morning, obviously. So somewhere in the past I retroactively published a post urging you to become an organ donor.
It would be a good thing if you do.
A young woman, during tough times, was working as a prostitute. For obvious reasons, she kept this a secret from her family. One day, the police raided her brothel and arrested a group of working girls, including the young woman.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but the woman’s little old Grandma! The young girl became frantic.
Sure enough, the Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for dear?”
Not willing to let grandma in on her secret, the young lady said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma, “I think I’ll have some myself,” and she made her way to the back of the queue. An officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to the old dear at the end, he was bewildered.
“But, you’re so old, how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny. I just remove my dentures and open wide.”
A squirrel comes down from the big willow and runs along the top of the privacy fence.
Classic rock plays on the little Bose speaker. My book sits unopened next to me. The traffic sounds of 141st street are muted.
Supper is done, the kitchen cleaned. The wife went shopping.
I sit content. I had plenty of complaints this morning. Not so much this evening as I ponder all I have to be thankful for.
Life is a far cry from a year ago.
Thanks for sticking with me faithful readers.
I watched the Uvalde School video. I’m speechless, or nearly so.
I understand why some of the parents are angry and upset over it’s release.
I know why law enforcement, if you want to label those cowards as such, did not want it released.
Each and every one of those police officers cowering in the hall should resign immediately. No one wants to die. When you sign up for the job as cop, as fireman, you are by definition putting your life on the line. If all you want to do is write tickets, become a meter maid. If you want the uniform and the feeling of power, become a mall cop.
Paul Blart showed more gumption and intestinal fortitude. Kids were dying while those hired to protect them are getting hand sanitizer. The police where there, body armor in place, armed with true assault weapons three minutes after the shooter entered the school.
They ran when they heard shots.
Let me repeat.
They ran when they heard shots.
I’m not sure how any of those cops can show their face in that community.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed,” she replied.
“Well! We’ll have to check you out. Alright then, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.
She undressed and the doctor began his exam.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. He frowned, then continued squeezing and pressing for a few more minutes.
Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,
“No wonder this baby is underweight – you don’t have any milk!”
“I know,” she said. “I’m his Grandma, but I’m certainly glad I came.”
During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He’s unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,
Doesn’t need heating,
But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
Has great packaging.
I wasn’t going to post today. Nothing to say, etc.
Instead I’m going to request a prayer for very long time reader Freddie and her family, if you are so inclined. Her Tallman is fighting blood clots.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
“I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”.
The four men didn’t wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why.
It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
There is a mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork
One day, daddy didn’t come home for dinner.
Mommy and baby were very worried.
When dad came home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.
“I was making a young couple very happy,” he replied.
About a week later, mommy didn’t come home for dinner.
Daddy and the baby were very worried.
When mom came home late the next morning, they asked what she was doing.
“I was making a young couple very happy,” she replied.
A few days later, the baby didn’t come home for dinner.
Mom and dad were very worried.
When he came home very late the next morning, they asked him where he was.
Baby just grinned and said,
“I’ve been scaring the sh!t out of college students!”
I was lazing about yesterday flipping channels when Rocky came on. It has been awhile since I watched the film and I forgot just how good it was. The gritty tale of a club boxer, just getting by and the life he lives when offered a big break is heart rendering. Each time I watch the movie I feel a sense of sadness. In the end Rocky isn’t so much a boxing movie, a sports movie, but a film about life, love, and man’s struggle to survive and find that indomitable spirit that drives us from within to compete — not just within the confines of a boxing ring, but in the arena of life. Stallone captured this perfectly in the first movie, mostly in the second, but forgot it completely in the many subsequent sequels. You can only capture lightning in a bottle so many times.
Some of us never do.
According to IMDB, the scene of Rocky telling Adrian his fears the night before the fight was almost not filmed because of budgetary concerns. That scene is the crux of the movie and perhaps one of the best, if not often recognized, scenes in cinema.
No matter how much we hide behind a tough guy persona, we just want to go the distance. Is not Rocky truly the Everyman?
We went to see the new Elvis movie last night. Wow, what an enjoyable flick. The guy who played Elvis, Austin Butler, was incredible. It is good acting when you can upstage Tom Hanks. The film showed the charisma of Presley. It glossed over the fact that Priscilla was just 14 when they met, but that wasn’t what the movie was about.
Elvis was subjected to fame oh a level few have ever known - Sinatra in the thirties, the Beatles. In the end the fame, the hangers-on, the drugs, the performances, the Colonel all sucked hm dry.
Anyone who has read here for a while knows I dig Elvis. I like his music. I like most of his movies, even if in the end he mostly just played Elvis. I am sure I have recounted both of my trips to Graceland over there in the archives. Unfortunately, I lack the celebrity idol gene, so I was baffled by the women crying at Elvis’ grave when I was there.
Anyway, it is worth the bucks to see the film on the big screen. I am good at spending your money, so do what you like.