The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much would you take off?” he asked her.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
I will be packing up and vacating my hotel room as soon as I finish this and take a shower. My week in Detroit is done. So long and good riddance. Trade shows suck.
I had a great time with my coworkers though. Food and fun and not a little bit of alcohol was part of the trip.
I am ready to be home though.
Regular nonsense will resume tomorrow if I feel like it.
A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.
Despite her best attempts she was unable to separate them. She called her vet and explained the problem to him.
Annoyed, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it on the floor alongside the dogs. I will call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and you will be able to separate them.”
“Do you really think that will work?” she asked.
“Just worked for me.”
Oh, this joke is probably NSFW.
You shouldn’t be surfing blogs at work anyway.
Let me see if I have this straight. New York State has decreed that you cannot have a gas stove. They are moving to eliminate natural gas from water heaters and home heat. You will have to buy an electric vehicle if you want a new car. They are shutting down nuclear plants and fossil fuel plants for electric generation. “Renewables” that are not really renewable account for less than 10% of electricity today will have to make up the slack right when electricity demand will skyrocket.
Officials said they have no plan B if solar and windmills cannot provide electricity.
As I have said before, future us is going to look back on these decisions and wonder what the hell was wrong with us?
Climate change is a dangerous religion. Don’t think “Oh, well that is New York or California.” They are coming for your state too.
Stupid people keep voting for their own destruction.
I’m off Trade Showing this week. Six days in the Motor City is not my idea of fun, but it is the job.
Not to worry, I have several posts of the utmost entertainment canned and ready. You will be pleased to note there is not a rerun among them. As an added bonus, I will have time in the mornings to post, should I desire. I can then save the preserved posts for another time. Fresh, frozen? Will you tell the difference? Is reading this blog an adventure, or not?
Do not answer.
Here, this was recorded in roughly the same place I will be:
I have over 65,000 words written on my novel. I have sent portions to two professional writers for advice and input.
I have grave concerns about the structure and style of the work. I know what I am trying to accomplish, I am not convinced I have the talent to do it. The chapters alternate between the current and the past. In addition, the chapters are more anecdotal instead of a linear progression. It describes an event rather than this happened today, this tomorrow, and that the next day. Besides, if you have read here for any length of time you know I write like a sixth grader. Long elaborate complex thoughts and sentences are not my thing. Actually, according to Microsoft Word analytics, I write like a third grader, but I am giving myself a modicum of credit.
I have tried reformatting the tale into a straight linear historical flow, but it seems flat to me without the contrasting elements of past and present appearing side by side.
I am thinking seriously about posting the work in serial form on a separate blog. I will have to break the chapters further, posts longer than a couple of hundred words are not suitable for the blog format — TLDR. You and I both know that.
The real question is if I can finish putting up bits and pieces of the story in serial form before I can actually finish writing the book altogether. The first 50K words were easy. The rest has been a slog.
If I ever allow this thing to see the light of day and try to publish it, my potential audience will be a problem. I would count on all twenty of you to buy the book and why should you if I let you read it for free in increments? It is the old milk and cow thing.
It is with great sadness I learn that possibly the greatest football player ever, Jim Brown, has died.
He also starred in one of he greatest war movies ever, The Dirty Dozen.
Not only have they stopped teaching civics, history, and grammar in school, it appears they no longer teach vocabulary. To the untold number of persons on Twitter, TickTock, and Facebook, “literally “ means letter by letter, in its exact accurate sense, and specifically it means according to the letter of the language. If you say something is literally killing you then you would be in the process of actually dying.
For example, not allowing you, as a thirty year-old man in a dress and makeup, to use the women’s restroom with little girls, is not “literally killing you”.
Try to get it right before going all drama queen, people.
It is the spring/ summer blogging doldrums around here. These are not to be confused with the mid-winter doldrums nor the early and late fall malaise periods. I do have the old lazy blogger standby of putting up a music video in lieu of a real post. That is not to say I am going back to the Friday Music posts. No one liked that feature. This is completely different.
Have a great Friday.
How Cubs-like to lose two in a row to the bleeping Cardinals. The Cards had only won eleven games until they played the Cubbies. Chicago now represents 15% of St Louis’ wins. Sheesh. See that Mr. Moyer, my old math teacher, I did actual arithmetic.
Is it just me, or is more and more prevalent that people smell like walking bongs in public these days? Last I checked smoking marijuana was still illegal in Indiana. I am not making judgment here. I have long thought pot should be decriminalized and taxed like alcohol. I do not partake personally. I think I’m allergic. I even break out in hives around real hemp rope. I do think those who drive high should be punished as aggressively as the authorities go after drunk drivers.
I spoke with an old customer yesterday. It was great to reconnect with someone from my very early days in sales. This guy was never a large customer, but I always liked him.
That is enough rambling for a Wednesday. Have a good one.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said,
“Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week.”
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife.
“What did the doctor say?”
“You’re going to die,” she replied
I have nothing to report. Oh, I could go off on an epic political rant but why get my blood pressure up to unacceptable levels? In truth, my blood pressure is good for a fat old guy: always 120s over 80s. But you get the point on politics and blood pressure.
I saw a news report today where a court in Ohio ruled it was fine that a man who pretends he is a female exposed himself to little girls in a women’s locker room at a YMCA, because the court ruled he was so fat his gut covered his tiny genitalia. There is something sad and pathetic and comic in the whole story, but I am at a loss for words. OK, the word “tiny” was not used to describe his man junk, but I am certain the description is apt.
Chuck was kinged over in Britain. Harry frowned. Megan stayed home. I did not watch.
I did watch a great movie from 1991 called Black Robe. Set in seventeenth century French Canada, it is about a Jesuit missionary attempting to convert the native tribes. It is first rate if you dig that period in history. You can find it on Amazon Prime streaming.
I have a weekend of emails to get to. Work beckons.
God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.
Poof! All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America.
He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.
Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so many people just ignored me standing there.
Man: don’t worry about it! That’s just what good people do. After a few minutes driving the man leans over,
Man: Hey, I have this sandwich here, ya want some?
Jesus: wow, thank you sir, that’s so kind of you! I’d love some. A few more minutes pass and the man leans over again.
Man: Hey I have a few beers in the cooler back there, want one? Amazed by the man’s kindness.
Jesus: wow sure! I’d love one. Thank you again. After a few more miles down the road the man looks around suspiciously and says…
Man: hey…I uh, have a little joint here. Want to take a few puffs with me? Jesus pauses for a second.
Jesus: ya know what, why not! So the man and Jesus drive down the road smoking the fattest joint listening to music and having a good time. Finally, Jesus speaks up.
Jesus: okay listen! I can’t keep quiet any longer! You have been so kind, so nice, I want to tell you…I’m Jesus! God sent me down here to help the people and you’ve just been so kind. What can I do to repay you? Anything!
The man looks at Jesus with a grin on his face and says, “Good shit, huh?”