Do you know where these are without using a map?
Joinville Island
Bouvet Island
Macquarie Island
Campbell Island
Alexander Selkirk Island
Isle of St. Joseph
May 31, 2005
May 30, 2005
The WalMart Weight Effect
I am not a skinny guy. The name of this blog is "Fat in Indiana" for goodness sake. I am 5'10" tall and weigh about 220 lbs. Not thin by any means. But I have to admit I love going to WalMart because there is some weird magnetic flux that draws fat people to shop there.
I call this phenomenon the WalMart weight effect. There cannot possibly be that many fat people. I am talking huge. They go to the store, climb into the motorized cart and their asses grow to ten times normal size. I had two experiences yesterday that emphasize my point. If it weren't for the fact that I felt duty bound as an observer of the human condition to inform you of the WalMart Weight Effect, I would have ripped out my eyes with an ice cream scoop to keep from ever seeing such things again. Collectively speaking, you all owe me one.
The first example was a female subject in her late 50s, I estimate. Hair dyed a maroon color I am sure is found nowhere in nature. She had on high heels and copious amounts of cheap jewelry. I estimate her ass was at least three feet across, but I did not have to opportunity to put a measuring tape on that caboose. She wore a thin white dress at least two sizes too small. There was no slip, you could see through the dress. I know this because I could see she was wearing black underwear. THONG UNDERWEAR.
I was leaning against a shelf in the automotive department shuddering in revulsion and holding my eyes to ease the pain. Finally I ventured out to go to sporting goods when I was nearly run over by a blond woman and her herd of kids. She was driving the motorized cart. I bet she weighed a minimum of three hundred pounds. She was probably less than thirty years old. She was driving the cart because I am sure her legs would not carry her. As I turned to follow her, I saw that her pants had slipped down into plumber's position as she climbed on the cart. Her entire crack was showing and let me tell you that was a lot of crack. I keep repeating the mantra, "OMG,OMG,OMG..., trying to keep from carrying out my one desire. I was tempted to grab a nearby miniature American Flag and plant it Mount Siribachi=style right into that yawning maw of ass crack in a celebration of Memorial Day. I am sorry I lacked the courage or crassness to do it. It would have been great.
I commit to you that from now on I will get mildly lubricated before going to WalMart. It will deaden my senses to the unnatural sights I find there. It will also give me the liquid courage to plant the Flag in appropriate spots.
Happy Day. Thank a Vet.
I call this phenomenon the WalMart weight effect. There cannot possibly be that many fat people. I am talking huge. They go to the store, climb into the motorized cart and their asses grow to ten times normal size. I had two experiences yesterday that emphasize my point. If it weren't for the fact that I felt duty bound as an observer of the human condition to inform you of the WalMart Weight Effect, I would have ripped out my eyes with an ice cream scoop to keep from ever seeing such things again. Collectively speaking, you all owe me one.
The first example was a female subject in her late 50s, I estimate. Hair dyed a maroon color I am sure is found nowhere in nature. She had on high heels and copious amounts of cheap jewelry. I estimate her ass was at least three feet across, but I did not have to opportunity to put a measuring tape on that caboose. She wore a thin white dress at least two sizes too small. There was no slip, you could see through the dress. I know this because I could see she was wearing black underwear. THONG UNDERWEAR.
I was leaning against a shelf in the automotive department shuddering in revulsion and holding my eyes to ease the pain. Finally I ventured out to go to sporting goods when I was nearly run over by a blond woman and her herd of kids. She was driving the motorized cart. I bet she weighed a minimum of three hundred pounds. She was probably less than thirty years old. She was driving the cart because I am sure her legs would not carry her. As I turned to follow her, I saw that her pants had slipped down into plumber's position as she climbed on the cart. Her entire crack was showing and let me tell you that was a lot of crack. I keep repeating the mantra, "OMG,OMG,OMG..., trying to keep from carrying out my one desire. I was tempted to grab a nearby miniature American Flag and plant it Mount Siribachi=style right into that yawning maw of ass crack in a celebration of Memorial Day. I am sorry I lacked the courage or crassness to do it. It would have been great.
I commit to you that from now on I will get mildly lubricated before going to WalMart. It will deaden my senses to the unnatural sights I find there. It will also give me the liquid courage to plant the Flag in appropriate spots.
Happy Day. Thank a Vet.
May 27, 2005
To the Class of 2005
My Daughter will graduate from high school tomorrow. This is my electronic graduation speech to her and her class.
To the class of 2005 welcome to adulthood. I know some of you thought you were already grown up, but believe me you are not. I will use a wornout and tired image here, but you are facing a "Y" in the road of life. Some of you will go to college, some to the workforce. Listen to me when I say that both choices are equally good. College is not for everyone. I want to be perfectly clear, no matter which road you take, your learning is not finished. Education is a lifelong process. You will have to learn how do to do your job, be a parent and a responsible member of society.
If you are furthering your education at a formal institution of higher learning you have a tougher job yet. Not only will you be exposed to new thoughts and ideas, you will learn to think. I firmly believe that a conservative political philosophy is the only outlook. Your teachers and professors will do their best to indoctrinate you liberally. Do not accept my thinking or theirs. Listen, learn, look for the other side of every issue. I learned a long time ago that the best way to prepare for a debate was to argue the other side's case. Do the same. Think critically and stand firm for you beliefs. Even if you stand alone.
You are a class raised in war. September 11 of your freshman year forged a generational memory in you. You already have friends and classmates fighting for the forces of freedom, or on their way. Support them, know that America is the most shining example of freedom on the planet today.
You have been raised in a world of technology never seen before. In the last 100 years we have learned to drive a car, defy gravity and learn to fly, cure diseases, electrified the nation. Weahve been to the moon and in your lifetime we will likely visit other planets. We have computers that fit in the palm of our hand that are stronger than a desktop unit just a few years ago. The technological innovations are endless. Use this to make your life better and simpler. You laugh at us old folks who do not understand computers, cell phones or MP3 players. Do not fall into the same rut as you age. Do not become comfortable, embrace change.
Finally, as a parent, understand that we only want the best for you. Every Dad wants his daughter to have a better life than his. He wants you to succeed, and be a better person than he ever was. He wants you to avoid and learn from his mistakes.
Students, remember to your parents you are still the little red crying machine they brought home in that pink or blue blanket. You were scared, they were terrified. Together you grew up.
Be strong. Be fruitful. Work hard, no one is going to give you anything in life. You will have to fight and struggle. When life knocks you down, get up and laugh. Then you will be grown up. Love your family, your God, and your country.
I tell my kids one thing every day. Learn something. I do not think you will ever go wrong following that directive.
Go on, learn something.
To the class of 2005 welcome to adulthood. I know some of you thought you were already grown up, but believe me you are not. I will use a wornout and tired image here, but you are facing a "Y" in the road of life. Some of you will go to college, some to the workforce. Listen to me when I say that both choices are equally good. College is not for everyone. I want to be perfectly clear, no matter which road you take, your learning is not finished. Education is a lifelong process. You will have to learn how do to do your job, be a parent and a responsible member of society.
If you are furthering your education at a formal institution of higher learning you have a tougher job yet. Not only will you be exposed to new thoughts and ideas, you will learn to think. I firmly believe that a conservative political philosophy is the only outlook. Your teachers and professors will do their best to indoctrinate you liberally. Do not accept my thinking or theirs. Listen, learn, look for the other side of every issue. I learned a long time ago that the best way to prepare for a debate was to argue the other side's case. Do the same. Think critically and stand firm for you beliefs. Even if you stand alone.
You are a class raised in war. September 11 of your freshman year forged a generational memory in you. You already have friends and classmates fighting for the forces of freedom, or on their way. Support them, know that America is the most shining example of freedom on the planet today.
You have been raised in a world of technology never seen before. In the last 100 years we have learned to drive a car, defy gravity and learn to fly, cure diseases, electrified the nation. Weahve been to the moon and in your lifetime we will likely visit other planets. We have computers that fit in the palm of our hand that are stronger than a desktop unit just a few years ago. The technological innovations are endless. Use this to make your life better and simpler. You laugh at us old folks who do not understand computers, cell phones or MP3 players. Do not fall into the same rut as you age. Do not become comfortable, embrace change.
Finally, as a parent, understand that we only want the best for you. Every Dad wants his daughter to have a better life than his. He wants you to succeed, and be a better person than he ever was. He wants you to avoid and learn from his mistakes.
Students, remember to your parents you are still the little red crying machine they brought home in that pink or blue blanket. You were scared, they were terrified. Together you grew up.
Be strong. Be fruitful. Work hard, no one is going to give you anything in life. You will have to fight and struggle. When life knocks you down, get up and laugh. Then you will be grown up. Love your family, your God, and your country.
I tell my kids one thing every day. Learn something. I do not think you will ever go wrong following that directive.
Go on, learn something.
May 26, 2005
Old People part II
Could you spend $1,000 dollars in a day? What if you had $1,000 to spend every day? In a month or two you could buy a really nice car. In a year you would own a pretty nice house in most of the country. Of course that would be a starter house in San Francisco.
If you started today, and spent ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS EVERY DAY, you would have spent one million dollars on Feb. 19, 2008. It would take you almost three years to spend that much. Yet how many of us scoff at the lottery or a game show when the prize is "only" one million dollars?
If you spent $1,000 per day until December 31, 2031 you will have spent 1 billion dollars. Happy New Year to you!
If I read the charts and graphs right, the cost of the Medicare prescription drug benefit will be in the neighborhood of $534 billion dollars. According to the AARP, we are not doing enough. "nough said.
If you started today, and spent ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS EVERY DAY, you would have spent one million dollars on Feb. 19, 2008. It would take you almost three years to spend that much. Yet how many of us scoff at the lottery or a game show when the prize is "only" one million dollars?
If you spent $1,000 per day until December 31, 2031 you will have spent 1 billion dollars. Happy New Year to you!
If I read the charts and graphs right, the cost of the Medicare prescription drug benefit will be in the neighborhood of $534 billion dollars. According to the AARP, we are not doing enough. "nough said.
May 25, 2005
Fixed Income My Ass
I was reading thisand I could not agree more. I am so sick of the "I am on a fixed income" crap from old people I could puke. I also live on a fixed income. So does almost everyone that works. I have not had a raise in four years. No one on Social Security can say that. They get a "cost of living" raise every year. Now at the point I get sick of working without getting a raise I can leave the company. My point to all of the old people is that we all live on a fixed income unless you work in commission sales. We have to live within our means. If you cannot, then you have to borrow. Welcome to life.
We owe a great debt to the "Greatest Generation" they won WWII and survived the Great Depression, I know that better than most. But now we have the Baby Boomers moving in and they are the "Me First" generation. The current group of old people and AARP punks are retiring with greater wealth than at any point in American history. Most do not need the discounts on food drugs and daily necessities. Let everyone pay the same! Us working people are paying their salary through Social Security. It is amazing how many people believe that you have an "account" where all of your Social Security goes. NOPE, it is a tax. You pay now so others do not have to work.
Then those AARPers think you should pay more at your local restaurant so they can get a discount. "Hey wait, Hoosierboy" you say, "I am not paying more". Of course you are. Do you think the restaurant or drugstore owners are going to loose money or take less profit so a segment of society can get a free ride (or at least discounted)? The overall cost goes into the prices the business charges. If businesses quit giving discounts and coupons, we would all pay less. This is basic business people.
Anyway, can we at least drop the phrase "fixed income" from our lexicon? While we are at it how about the term "Senior Citizen"? They are old people, octogenarian, whatever. How about leaches on society? I do not mind helping out the elderly in need. That was the true purpose of Social Security. It was designed to be a supplement, not a retirement fund. Can we implement some means testing? As an example, Bill Gates will get SS. He will qualify for the free cheese giveaways. You and I will support him and his bloody "fixed income".
Give me a break.
We owe a great debt to the "Greatest Generation" they won WWII and survived the Great Depression, I know that better than most. But now we have the Baby Boomers moving in and they are the "Me First" generation. The current group of old people and AARP punks are retiring with greater wealth than at any point in American history. Most do not need the discounts on food drugs and daily necessities. Let everyone pay the same! Us working people are paying their salary through Social Security. It is amazing how many people believe that you have an "account" where all of your Social Security goes. NOPE, it is a tax. You pay now so others do not have to work.
Then those AARPers think you should pay more at your local restaurant so they can get a discount. "Hey wait, Hoosierboy" you say, "I am not paying more". Of course you are. Do you think the restaurant or drugstore owners are going to loose money or take less profit so a segment of society can get a free ride (or at least discounted)? The overall cost goes into the prices the business charges. If businesses quit giving discounts and coupons, we would all pay less. This is basic business people.
Anyway, can we at least drop the phrase "fixed income" from our lexicon? While we are at it how about the term "Senior Citizen"? They are old people, octogenarian, whatever. How about leaches on society? I do not mind helping out the elderly in need. That was the true purpose of Social Security. It was designed to be a supplement, not a retirement fund. Can we implement some means testing? As an example, Bill Gates will get SS. He will qualify for the free cheese giveaways. You and I will support him and his bloody "fixed income".
Give me a break.
May 24, 2005
Jane Fonda is a Traitor
Is this true? I don't know, but i hope it is.
This is a great story, I wish I was closer to Montana! The radio station America FM was doing one of
their "Is anyone listening" bits this morning. This
first one was, "Ever have a celebrity pull up with the
'Do you know who I am?' routine."
A woman called in and said that a few years back,
while visiting her cattle rancher uncle in Billings,
MT., they had occasion to go to dinner at a restaurant
that does not take reservations. The wait was about 45
minutes. Lots of other rancher types and their spouses
were already waiting. In comes Ted Turner and Jane
Fonda. They want a table. The hostess says they'll
have to wait about 45 minutes. Jane Fonda asks the
hostess if she knows who she is."Yes, but you'll still have to wait 45 minutes" Then Jane says, "Is the
manager in?" The manager comes out, "May I help you?"
Do you know who I am?" ask both Jane and Ted. "Yes,
but these folks have all been waiting already and I
can't put you in ahead of them" Then Ted asks to speak
to the owner. The owner comes out. Jane again asks,"Do
you know who I am?"
The owner says, "Yes, I do. Do you know who I am? I am
the owner of this restaurant and a Vietnam Veteran.
Not only will you not get a table ahead of all of my
friends and neighbors here, but you also will not be
eating in my restaurant tonight or any other night.
Good bye."
Only in America, what a great country! To all who
received this e-mail. This is a true story and the
name of the steak house is :
Sir Scott's Oasis Steakhouse 204 W Main
MANHATTAN, MT 59741 (406) 284-6929
If you ever get there, give this fella a sharp salute,
buy a steak and tip the waitress!
Keep passing this on. We should never forget this
un prosecuted traitor!
And let's not forget what "our gal" Hillary said to
the troops in Iraq, "This war has no support from the
American public"!
sent to me by my dad
This is a great story, I wish I was closer to Montana! The radio station America FM was doing one of
their "Is anyone listening" bits this morning. This
first one was, "Ever have a celebrity pull up with the
'Do you know who I am?' routine."
A woman called in and said that a few years back,
while visiting her cattle rancher uncle in Billings,
MT., they had occasion to go to dinner at a restaurant
that does not take reservations. The wait was about 45
minutes. Lots of other rancher types and their spouses
were already waiting. In comes Ted Turner and Jane
Fonda. They want a table. The hostess says they'll
have to wait about 45 minutes. Jane Fonda asks the
hostess if she knows who she is."Yes, but you'll still have to wait 45 minutes" Then Jane says, "Is the
manager in?" The manager comes out, "May I help you?"
Do you know who I am?" ask both Jane and Ted. "Yes,
but these folks have all been waiting already and I
can't put you in ahead of them" Then Ted asks to speak
to the owner. The owner comes out. Jane again asks,"Do
you know who I am?"
The owner says, "Yes, I do. Do you know who I am? I am
the owner of this restaurant and a Vietnam Veteran.
Not only will you not get a table ahead of all of my
friends and neighbors here, but you also will not be
eating in my restaurant tonight or any other night.
Good bye."
Only in America, what a great country! To all who
received this e-mail. This is a true story and the
name of the steak house is :
Sir Scott's Oasis Steakhouse 204 W Main
MANHATTAN, MT 59741 (406) 284-6929
If you ever get there, give this fella a sharp salute,
buy a steak and tip the waitress!
Keep passing this on. We should never forget this
un prosecuted traitor!
And let's not forget what "our gal" Hillary said to
the troops in Iraq, "This war has no support from the
American public"!
sent to me by my dad
Some days are too lousy for words.
I am supposed to be on vacation this week. It was the plan to plant some flowers, clean up the garage, spruce up the house in general, and help prepare for my daughter's graduation this weekend. "Supposed to be on vacation" is the opperative phrase.
My boss is located in Europe. He called at 1:30 am Sunday/Monday to tell me I needed to give him certain information for a meeting he has this week with our largest customer. The purchasing HQ for this company is in Europe. They are my largest customer in the US and our company's in Europe as well. I asked him early last week if he needded this information compliled. He said no. So I spent over 5 hours on Monday getting him ready for his meeting.
This morning he called and said the general information on shipping history, forecast analysis etc. had to now be done for EVERY part number. Today. Now I have spent more than 8 hours in the office today getting that analysis done.
The wife is bitching becasue I am not getting the work at home done. The boss is bitching becasue I am not getting his stuff fast enough.
Well, the paying boss is taken care of. 6:00 untill 2:15 today. I am not answering my cell phone tomorrow morning.
Now I have to do three days worth of home tasks in one on Wednesday! I guess that will limit my cigar and beer time I had planned each afternoon. Not likely.
Man, It is great to be me. In the interim, have patience, maybe I'll come up with something pithy for the morrow.
My boss is located in Europe. He called at 1:30 am Sunday/Monday to tell me I needed to give him certain information for a meeting he has this week with our largest customer. The purchasing HQ for this company is in Europe. They are my largest customer in the US and our company's in Europe as well. I asked him early last week if he needded this information compliled. He said no. So I spent over 5 hours on Monday getting him ready for his meeting.
This morning he called and said the general information on shipping history, forecast analysis etc. had to now be done for EVERY part number. Today. Now I have spent more than 8 hours in the office today getting that analysis done.
The wife is bitching becasue I am not getting the work at home done. The boss is bitching becasue I am not getting his stuff fast enough.
Well, the paying boss is taken care of. 6:00 untill 2:15 today. I am not answering my cell phone tomorrow morning.
Now I have to do three days worth of home tasks in one on Wednesday! I guess that will limit my cigar and beer time I had planned each afternoon. Not likely.
Man, It is great to be me. In the interim, have patience, maybe I'll come up with something pithy for the morrow.
Attention, please listen to these important safety warnings
There will be light posting today and tomorrow, I have to actually earn the cheese the boss has been paying me. Then I have to do some work to prepare for the Daughter's graduation. I know zzzzzZZZZZZ. Thank you for your patience.
Feel free to recline your seats, the movie will be starting shortly.
Feel free to recline your seats, the movie will be starting shortly.
May 23, 2005
WTF?
I was watching a baseball game on TV yesterday. It was the Oakland A's and the San Francisco Gigantes. Huh? What is up with the "Gigantes"? The SF "GIANTS" are a team that moved to the left coast from New York. It was never a Hispanic team. There are no roots to get back to.
I am completely offended. What next will we be rooting for Los Pacers or maybe La Dolphins? Maybe we should make sure we capture the illegal market with the Texas Pancho Villas instead of the Texas Rangers.
It is bad enough you cannot go anywhere without the signs, announcements and menus printed in Spanish, now we have to make our team names bi-lingual too? My ancestors came here from Germany in the early 1700's. The patriarch changed our last name to make it sound more "English". Immigrants for centuries to this great melting pot have merged with the society to make us a better stronger nation. It is about time the Hispanic population started melting and blending. This does not mean they should abandon their culture, but we should not be forced to change ours either.
I am completely offended. What next will we be rooting for Los Pacers or maybe La Dolphins? Maybe we should make sure we capture the illegal market with the Texas Pancho Villas instead of the Texas Rangers.
It is bad enough you cannot go anywhere without the signs, announcements and menus printed in Spanish, now we have to make our team names bi-lingual too? My ancestors came here from Germany in the early 1700's. The patriarch changed our last name to make it sound more "English". Immigrants for centuries to this great melting pot have merged with the society to make us a better stronger nation. It is about time the Hispanic population started melting and blending. This does not mean they should abandon their culture, but we should not be forced to change ours either.
May 22, 2005
What goes up...
This is something I wrote on October 18, 1983 after my second flight in an airplane. Like the first time I was in a plane, I jumped out solo in an old, round army surplus parachute. I have not edited it in any way.
We walked towards the building, a motley group, each on their own hidden mission. The tall, the thin, the short and the squat – each was there for a different reason. Perhaps we wanted to see if the thrill was the same the second time. Maybe we were there because the others were. Some were seeing if they could do it right, while others were just beginning. None could state exactly why we were there; the reasons varied. All of us knew, though, we were about to undergo an almost religious experience. It was a symbolic purging of the soul.
We entered the ready room like children into the toy store in December. Joking, laughing, and jeering the jumpsuits and helmets were pulled on, tossed, discarded, and tried: each person looking for that just right combination of outlandishness. We joked and talked about everything except what we were about to do. We could not discuss it anymore than one discusses his sins on the way to confession. We were ready. It was time to go.
We geared up, strapping and buckling ourselves into forty-five pounds of immobility. With a laugh we each reviewed the steps of activating our release, in the event of the main chute not opening. Deep down we knew it was no laughing matter. Two waddled off to the plane, two stood by to watch, the small talk dying as the plane roared to life.
An eternity flashed by too quickly. The others had landed and now it was our turn. Al would go first and then it would be me.
As we taxied down the runway I felt the plane lift off. It was like floating suspended in air. I knew the thrill of the Wright Brothers. I understood the jeer of the birds, understood their superiority over the slovenly creatures confined to the ground.
Alex had jumped I was next. Slowly and without grace I moved into position. There was some small talk with the jumpmaster. I felt no fear. I was calm, fascinated with the view. As the plane circled I reviewed my steps in my mind. I was completely relaxed. The jumpmaster smiled at me and said the words “door open”.
The time was here. The door flew open against the wing with a bang as the 110 mph winds rushed by. The adrenaline was blowing out the top of my skull. My heart rate increased. My stomach was about to burst. The labored breathing of the climbing plane was barely audible as I heard the words “out the door”. This was it. Should I stay or should I go? No doubt was in my mind. I swung my foot out of the door. My steel toed boots searching for the peg that served as a step. “Out on the strut” I heard.
I reached and grabbed the wing strut, one leg swinging in the air, the wind ripping through into my body. I was alive – I knew it! I never heard the words, but the slap on my ass was all I needed. The foot swung back, the hands let go and it was arch, arch, arch. The plane zoomed by. I was not falling, I was suspended in time. Watches stopped. Nothing moved – I was flying.
Suddenly, I felt myself righting, my feet toward the ground. A slight tug and I knew my parachute was opened. I stopped dead in the sky! Before, I had no sensation of falling – but now I was stopped in the sky. My canopy was clear and I could relax.
The silence was deafening. My senses were numb. Whether it was total sensory overload or depravation I will never know. I rode the wind and tamed her – arriving safely into the waiting arms of Mother Earth wishing only that the thrill would never end.
This week I again feel the pressures of life and living weighing heavily on my soul and I need the flying and falling. I need to look Death in the face and say “Screw you”. Only now do I realize that. I need the purging of my soul.
May 21, 2005
Sorry...
I want to appologize for the piss poor writing of late on this site. I am really better than that. I have been buried at work and at home. The review of the Star Wars movie is a prime example of rotten, JR. High type Prose.
Really, I will do better in the future.
Thanks for your patience.
Really, I will do better in the future.
Thanks for your patience.
Alas, I am a dying breed
As I write this I am in a Nike Tshirt and blue jean shorts. I am not wearing shoes. I am at work. It is lunchtime so relax. I work in an office by myself when I am not traveling, so sometimes I do not even shave.
When I visit customers I wear a suit and tie. I wear black wingtip shoes that tie. I keep them polished, even the edges of the sole. I wear a white dress shirt 99% of the time. On very rare occasions I will wear a blazer and slacks.
Few in my profession dress this way anymore when visiting customers. Most wear a logo golf or polo type shirt and Dockers. Unless I am going to play golf with a customer I cannot bring myself to do it. I represent my company, and they deserve my best. Hey, I am not a good looking guy (see my picture if you do not believe me), at least I can dress nice.
Frankly, it has now become a matter of pride and pigheadedness. I may not be the best salesman, or the brightest bulb to call upon an equipment manufacturer, but they will remember me. When quality is a given, delivery is essential, and we cannot beat the Chinese on price, it is my personality that closes the deal. Look professional, act professional and the customer will know they are doing business with a serious vendor, not a golfing buddy.
Hey, I am so lousy at golf that is all I have!
When I visit customers I wear a suit and tie. I wear black wingtip shoes that tie. I keep them polished, even the edges of the sole. I wear a white dress shirt 99% of the time. On very rare occasions I will wear a blazer and slacks.
Few in my profession dress this way anymore when visiting customers. Most wear a logo golf or polo type shirt and Dockers. Unless I am going to play golf with a customer I cannot bring myself to do it. I represent my company, and they deserve my best. Hey, I am not a good looking guy (see my picture if you do not believe me), at least I can dress nice.
Frankly, it has now become a matter of pride and pigheadedness. I may not be the best salesman, or the brightest bulb to call upon an equipment manufacturer, but they will remember me. When quality is a given, delivery is essential, and we cannot beat the Chinese on price, it is my personality that closes the deal. Look professional, act professional and the customer will know they are doing business with a serious vendor, not a golfing buddy.
Hey, I am so lousy at golf that is all I have!
May 20, 2005
Movie Review -- Revenge of the Sith
I saw the last installment of the Star wars saga lst night with my youngest son.
Below you can find my review. First, I should mention that I love the movies. I go purely for entertainment value. I do not want a hidden message, I do not want to have to think. I want to be entertained. Based on that criteria, you will rarely see me agree with a critic on a movie.
That said, I enjoyed this movie. Sure the dialog was flat, the acting wooden, and the plot a little thin. So What? The action was great and almost non-stop. The special effects were great. I give this movie a thumbs up. Can someone enlighten me is padme or whatever her name is the Queen of Naboo or not? Yoda -- see below.
To put this rating in perspective here is my rating on the other episodes in this series:
Episode 1 Thumbs up, pod race is great, Darth Maul awesome, fight scenes good. Little Anikin annoying and completely unbelievable.
Episode 2 Skip. Suddenly Anikinand and Padme (is she the queen or not?) are the same age. Too much boring drama and love stuff. Is Yoda decrepit or a great fighter? The whole Yoda thing is unbelievable, he should have just remained a "teacher" of the ways of the force. Where did this Count Dooku come from?
Episode 4 The first and the best
Episode 5 suffers from some of the same issues in episode 2, I guess a transition is necessary
Episode 6 Is this the ewok episode? Other than that good. Remember we did not know that Vader was the proud papa until this episode.
In all the episodes 4,5,6 are the best.
Below you can find my review. First, I should mention that I love the movies. I go purely for entertainment value. I do not want a hidden message, I do not want to have to think. I want to be entertained. Based on that criteria, you will rarely see me agree with a critic on a movie.
That said, I enjoyed this movie. Sure the dialog was flat, the acting wooden, and the plot a little thin. So What? The action was great and almost non-stop. The special effects were great. I give this movie a thumbs up. Can someone enlighten me is padme or whatever her name is the Queen of Naboo or not? Yoda -- see below.
To put this rating in perspective here is my rating on the other episodes in this series:
Episode 1 Thumbs up, pod race is great, Darth Maul awesome, fight scenes good. Little Anikin annoying and completely unbelievable.
Episode 2 Skip. Suddenly Anikinand and Padme (is she the queen or not?) are the same age. Too much boring drama and love stuff. Is Yoda decrepit or a great fighter? The whole Yoda thing is unbelievable, he should have just remained a "teacher" of the ways of the force. Where did this Count Dooku come from?
Episode 4 The first and the best
Episode 5 suffers from some of the same issues in episode 2, I guess a transition is necessary
Episode 6 Is this the ewok episode? Other than that good. Remember we did not know that Vader was the proud papa until this episode.
In all the episodes 4,5,6 are the best.
Geography Quiz
I have a large wall map of the world next to my desk. I have always loved maps. My walls were wallpapered with maps from National Geographic when I was a boy. yep I was a total nerd. I would spend hours just studying. I still can look at an atlas for hours.
Without cheating, off the top of your head, can you tell me where these places can be found?
Have you been to any of these places? Me neither.
Without cheating, off the top of your head, can you tell me where these places can be found?
Enderby Land
Lake Baikal
Yap
Gough Island
Muanahanua Atoll
Have you been to any of these places? Me neither.
May 19, 2005
I yam what I yam
What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com |
Republican -- OK, I will buy that
Anarchist -- Sacco and Vanzetti Rock
Fascist -- Maybe
Socialist -- are you kidding?
Democrat / Communist -- Ha!! BTW is there a difference?
The life of a traveling salesman
It was late, well after midnight. There I was in a dirty taxi, traveling down Interstate 70 toward Indianapolis from Dayton Ohio. The driver was named Rupert and he was from the Bahamas. He weighed at least 300 pounds. "Hey Mon", he asked "you care if we getta bit to eat somewhere?"
My day had started around 8:00 in Greenville, NC. I approached the ticket counter and presented my ticket for my flight to Indy, via Charlotte. The nice lady noticed I was a VERY frequent flier (chairman, platinum, etc.) and said she would upgrade to 1st Class from Charlotte. I thanked her and then she noticed my uncommon last name. "Oh my" she said. "That was my husband's last name."
"No kidding", I replied. I commented how there were not many of us around (my German ancestor made up the name when he came to the New World). She told me that her husband was not around anymore, he died two weeks ago and began to cry. Open mouth HB - insert foot. This was getting the day off right.
9:00 rolled around with no plane, ditto 10:00. It was announced they would place us in a bus to Raleigh. A blue church bus arrived at about 10:45. About 15 of us mounted the bus. It made it almost to the end of the drive and quit running. It would not start again.
At about 11:30 a taxi arrived to take 5 of us to Raleigh. The driver was about 80 years old. He stopped at EVERY intersection regardless of the traffic controls. Green light -- he stopped. No stop sign or light -- he stopped. He did not take the Interstate, too scary he said. We never traveled faster than 38 miles per hour. He explained that he had read that 38 mph was the optimum speed for conserving gas.
Finally we got to the airport, but of course we had missed our flights. The airline got me a ticket to Dayton, then a commuter to Indy. When I arrived in Dayton there was a two hour layover. I should have just rented a car, but I was looking to save the company money. The plane that was to take me to Indy was late due to bad weather in Toronto. Finally, some time after 11:00 pm boarding was called. I was the only passenger. I joked with the pilots that I bet the plane was going to have "mechanical problems". I was sure there was no way they were going to operate a 20+ seat commuter for just me. The pilot assured me that the plane was going because they lived in Indy and wanted to get home. We taxied out. The copilot stood up and came back, he told me that we had mechanical problems, a warning light was on and they could not fly. I laughed and said I knew it.
The airline said they would get me a taxi. On the way to the entrance, I saw my pilot buddies renting a car. I told them they could ride with me. They said it was against airline policy and that they were on their own.
Rupert got me to the Indy airport with my navigational assistance. I had to give him written directions to get back to Dayton. Yes, we ate a late meal at a truckstop.
I went in to the airport to get my luggage. It had been left on the tarmac in Raleigh. They would send it to my house via express the next day. I just laughed.
This story is all true. This is the glamorous life of someone who travels for a living. Another airport, another hotel, another rental car -- they all blend together in the end. I have traveled the world and I have seen amazing sights at someone else's expense. I would not trade it for gold. How else do you get to meet people like Rupert?
My day had started around 8:00 in Greenville, NC. I approached the ticket counter and presented my ticket for my flight to Indy, via Charlotte. The nice lady noticed I was a VERY frequent flier (chairman, platinum, etc.) and said she would upgrade to 1st Class from Charlotte. I thanked her and then she noticed my uncommon last name. "Oh my" she said. "That was my husband's last name."
"No kidding", I replied. I commented how there were not many of us around (my German ancestor made up the name when he came to the New World). She told me that her husband was not around anymore, he died two weeks ago and began to cry. Open mouth HB - insert foot. This was getting the day off right.
9:00 rolled around with no plane, ditto 10:00. It was announced they would place us in a bus to Raleigh. A blue church bus arrived at about 10:45. About 15 of us mounted the bus. It made it almost to the end of the drive and quit running. It would not start again.
At about 11:30 a taxi arrived to take 5 of us to Raleigh. The driver was about 80 years old. He stopped at EVERY intersection regardless of the traffic controls. Green light -- he stopped. No stop sign or light -- he stopped. He did not take the Interstate, too scary he said. We never traveled faster than 38 miles per hour. He explained that he had read that 38 mph was the optimum speed for conserving gas.
Finally we got to the airport, but of course we had missed our flights. The airline got me a ticket to Dayton, then a commuter to Indy. When I arrived in Dayton there was a two hour layover. I should have just rented a car, but I was looking to save the company money. The plane that was to take me to Indy was late due to bad weather in Toronto. Finally, some time after 11:00 pm boarding was called. I was the only passenger. I joked with the pilots that I bet the plane was going to have "mechanical problems". I was sure there was no way they were going to operate a 20+ seat commuter for just me. The pilot assured me that the plane was going because they lived in Indy and wanted to get home. We taxied out. The copilot stood up and came back, he told me that we had mechanical problems, a warning light was on and they could not fly. I laughed and said I knew it.
The airline said they would get me a taxi. On the way to the entrance, I saw my pilot buddies renting a car. I told them they could ride with me. They said it was against airline policy and that they were on their own.
Rupert got me to the Indy airport with my navigational assistance. I had to give him written directions to get back to Dayton. Yes, we ate a late meal at a truckstop.
I went in to the airport to get my luggage. It had been left on the tarmac in Raleigh. They would send it to my house via express the next day. I just laughed.
This story is all true. This is the glamorous life of someone who travels for a living. Another airport, another hotel, another rental car -- they all blend together in the end. I have traveled the world and I have seen amazing sights at someone else's expense. I would not trade it for gold. How else do you get to meet people like Rupert?
May 18, 2005
Bigger Brighter Better
No, not this Blog
RTG has a great post that discussed what the left stands for in this country. She is brighter and a better writer than I, so go read it for yourself. Some of the idiotarian comments are the best.
RTG has a great post that discussed what the left stands for in this country. She is brighter and a better writer than I, so go read it for yourself. Some of the idiotarian comments are the best.
Today Show Car challenge -- TV for Idiots
Am I the only one who just does not get the "Today Show Car Challenge"? They have three cars: a hybrid, a midsize, and an evil SUV driving from LA to NY. They are comparing the cost to drive. Duh, the SUV is the most expensive and the Hybrid is really cheap.
There is supposed to be a total budget to travel, so the SUV does not get to eat in as nice restaurants etc. The Hybrid people have more disposable cash (gas mileage higher). Did we have to have a "challenge" to figure this out? Am I confused or have they now dumbed down TV to the point that anyone with a brain cannot understand it?
This morning, as they were showing aerial footage of the little hybrid driving down the interstate, it was being passed by every car in sight. My 11 year looked at the screen and said "Huh, who would want a car that goes so slow?"
I think I am raising him right.
There is supposed to be a total budget to travel, so the SUV does not get to eat in as nice restaurants etc. The Hybrid people have more disposable cash (gas mileage higher). Did we have to have a "challenge" to figure this out? Am I confused or have they now dumbed down TV to the point that anyone with a brain cannot understand it?
This morning, as they were showing aerial footage of the little hybrid driving down the interstate, it was being passed by every car in sight. My 11 year looked at the screen and said "Huh, who would want a car that goes so slow?"
I think I am raising him right.
Let there be justice for these punks
A Kim DuToit RCOB moment hit me when I read this. It is time to quit withholding names of punks like this. Let us go even further, I think they should be set on fire themselves. I am serious, if you do not know better that to set fire to a man in a wheelchair at 15 years of age, there is NO hope for you. You will forever be a burden on society. I am toting enough on my back right now, thank you.
Newsweek lied -- people died
Newsweek lied -- people died
On Bratwurst and Birds
One of the few things I like about Europe is that almost every restaurant has facilities for dining and drinking outside. This makes for some interesting experiences. Once, while imbibing more than a few great German brews and various 'wurst in a biergarten in the fine University town of Wurtzburg, Germany I had occasion to laugh until beer spurted from my nose.
We were smoking fine Cubans and having a great time when we noticed the couple at the next table. She was blond and big breasted, the best the Aryan Race could offer. He was a stout burgher, the stereotypical Bavarian, heavy jowled and rotund. We could only guess that Deutchmarks got the chicks, and life really was universal. Did I mention the young woman was beautiful (with big breasts)? As he was enjoying his platter of bratwurst he suddenly let out a yelp and began clawing at his head. She jumped to his side and began rubbing frantically in his hair with a paper napkin. My German friend translated the nearly hysterical grunts. It seems a bird shit all over The fat German's head. Given the amount of white sticky liquid all over his hair and face, it was a large bird at that.
There is cosmic justice. Do not tell me there is no god.
We were smoking fine Cubans and having a great time when we noticed the couple at the next table. She was blond and big breasted, the best the Aryan Race could offer. He was a stout burgher, the stereotypical Bavarian, heavy jowled and rotund. We could only guess that Deutchmarks got the chicks, and life really was universal. Did I mention the young woman was beautiful (with big breasts)? As he was enjoying his platter of bratwurst he suddenly let out a yelp and began clawing at his head. She jumped to his side and began rubbing frantically in his hair with a paper napkin. My German friend translated the nearly hysterical grunts. It seems a bird shit all over The fat German's head. Given the amount of white sticky liquid all over his hair and face, it was a large bird at that.
There is cosmic justice. Do not tell me there is no god.
Destiny
I am missing my entire toenail from my right big toe. Half of my toenail on my left big toe is gone. Ditto the nails on toes 2&3 on my right foot.
It is with certain foreknowledge that I look at the 4th nail on left foot as it is inflamed and red, puss seeping from the edge. Yep, I am afraid I have another ingrown toenail. I will try again, and certainly fail to self treat. Shoes are painful, and I do not have the strength and toughness to wait months to see a professional as I have in the past.
Like chief Dan George I will endeavor to persevere, but I am doomed.
It is with certain foreknowledge that I look at the 4th nail on left foot as it is inflamed and red, puss seeping from the edge. Yep, I am afraid I have another ingrown toenail. I will try again, and certainly fail to self treat. Shoes are painful, and I do not have the strength and toughness to wait months to see a professional as I have in the past.
Like chief Dan George I will endeavor to persevere, but I am doomed.
May 16, 2005
No Tuesday Post
I will be traveling with the Bossman from the EU. I am sure it will be great fun and adventures.
More musings will be posted on Wednesday. If anyone cares.
Say, does anyone know what this "blogshares" thing is all about?
Newsweek lied -- people died.
More musings will be posted on Wednesday. If anyone cares.
Say, does anyone know what this "blogshares" thing is all about?
Newsweek lied -- people died.
Robin Hood was a Commie
When I was a boy my grandparents gave me two volumes of the Readers Digest Condensed Books for Children (I am not sure if that is the correct name). They probably got them for free with a subscription to RD, but in any case I only got the 2 volumes. I loved those books and I read over and over Tom Sawyer, Call of the Wild and especially Robin Hood. I played Robin Hood all the time, my backyard was Sherwood Forrest and I had an imaginary ball putting that villain Prince John and his cohorts in their place.
When I first saw the epic and fabulous Errol Flynn version on late night TV, I was overcome, it was exactly as I had imagined it! Man, I wanted to be Errol Flynn.
Yesterday, I bought The Adventures of Robin Hood, starring my hero Errol Flynn, on DVD. This would replace my worn out copy I recorded from commercial TV. Wow, it was great, stunning visuals, stunning chicks, stunning action. Flynn would swirl that sword above his head and fight 5 men at once.
After I watched the movie, I thought about the message: steal from the rich and give to the poor. This is a noble sentiment, after all, those rich people have enough. Of course, the whole notion was that the "rich" got the money at the expense of the poor. Robin Hood disguised the scheme under the pretense of "justice and fighting oppression". I have no doubt that Prince John and Sir Guy were total tyrants. History will tell us this is true. I am more concerned about the language used by Robin. The very principles and words he used would later be espoused by none other than Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, Castro, and Mao. This is pure communist drivel. Take from the rich and give to the poor.
We hear a similar bray from the Ass Party (hey I did not chose the Donkey for their symbol). "The rich have too much". "We should take some of that money and give it to the poor". Well Sir Robin you can gussie it up and tie all the ribbons you want, but stealing is stealing, no matter how noble your cause. Prince John was right, you were a common criminal, and should have been hanged.
I still love the movie. Errol Flynn remains one of the suavest swordsmen to take to the silver screen. But Robin Hood can no longer be one of my heroes. I feel too much like one of the Normans in the movie everytime the Government decides I have too much money and takes it to give to the "poor". Yes, that is stealing from me, and I am tired of it. Tyranny indeed.
ed. I think I will make Like Cato the Elder and end every post with a phrase'
Newsweek lied -- people died.
When I first saw the epic and fabulous Errol Flynn version on late night TV, I was overcome, it was exactly as I had imagined it! Man, I wanted to be Errol Flynn.
Yesterday, I bought The Adventures of Robin Hood, starring my hero Errol Flynn, on DVD. This would replace my worn out copy I recorded from commercial TV. Wow, it was great, stunning visuals, stunning chicks, stunning action. Flynn would swirl that sword above his head and fight 5 men at once.
After I watched the movie, I thought about the message: steal from the rich and give to the poor. This is a noble sentiment, after all, those rich people have enough. Of course, the whole notion was that the "rich" got the money at the expense of the poor. Robin Hood disguised the scheme under the pretense of "justice and fighting oppression". I have no doubt that Prince John and Sir Guy were total tyrants. History will tell us this is true. I am more concerned about the language used by Robin. The very principles and words he used would later be espoused by none other than Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, Castro, and Mao. This is pure communist drivel. Take from the rich and give to the poor.
We hear a similar bray from the Ass Party (hey I did not chose the Donkey for their symbol). "The rich have too much". "We should take some of that money and give it to the poor". Well Sir Robin you can gussie it up and tie all the ribbons you want, but stealing is stealing, no matter how noble your cause. Prince John was right, you were a common criminal, and should have been hanged.
I still love the movie. Errol Flynn remains one of the suavest swordsmen to take to the silver screen. But Robin Hood can no longer be one of my heroes. I feel too much like one of the Normans in the movie everytime the Government decides I have too much money and takes it to give to the "poor". Yes, that is stealing from me, and I am tired of it. Tyranny indeed.
ed. I think I will make Like Cato the Elder and end every post with a phrase'
Newsweek lied -- people died.
May 14, 2005
The Noble 24th Foot or the South Wales Borderers
You may be familiar with this unit unknowingly if you have ever watched the classic war movie ZULU or ZULU DAWN. If you have not seen these movies go rent them or buy them. Now. This post will still be here, go now.
OK. Awesome right? I planned to talk in detail about Isandlhwana and Rorke's Drift this weekend, but in my research I found that this regiment is not only remarkably heroic, but cursed with hard luck, so what better day to write about bad luck than today?
The 24th foot is an old regiment in HRM Army (hence the number!). The Regiment took part in the ill fate attack on Brest in 1694 where over 300 English soldiers were killed. More than half the regiment died of disease in the West Indies during the War of Jenkins Ear (1739 - 1743). In 1756 the regiment surrendered to the French at Minorca. The entire regiment was captured in the Revolutionary War at Saratoga (Freeman's Farm). Almost half of the second battalion were casualties at Talavera in the peninsula War. Almost half the regiment was captured by the French off a troop ship bound for India in 1810 (before the French became surrender monkies). Over 500 men were casualties (238 killed) in the idiotic bayonet charge at Chilianwala (India now Pakistan) during the 2nd Sikh war. Most of the 1st battalion was destroyed by the Zulus at Isandlhwana. It was at Gallipoli in WWI. The 24th left the lines in France at the end of WWI with 76 men and officers, total. They were captured by the Germans at the disastrous Battle of Tobruk in WWII. The ship carrying the Regiment hit a rock and sank on the way to the Invasion of Norway.
The 24th Foot were great and heroic fighters. But the regiment was cursed with bad luck as well.
Happy Friday the 13th!
OK. Awesome right? I planned to talk in detail about Isandlhwana and Rorke's Drift this weekend, but in my research I found that this regiment is not only remarkably heroic, but cursed with hard luck, so what better day to write about bad luck than today?
The 24th foot is an old regiment in HRM Army (hence the number!). The Regiment took part in the ill fate attack on Brest in 1694 where over 300 English soldiers were killed. More than half the regiment died of disease in the West Indies during the War of Jenkins Ear (1739 - 1743). In 1756 the regiment surrendered to the French at Minorca. The entire regiment was captured in the Revolutionary War at Saratoga (Freeman's Farm). Almost half of the second battalion were casualties at Talavera in the peninsula War. Almost half the regiment was captured by the French off a troop ship bound for India in 1810 (before the French became surrender monkies). Over 500 men were casualties (238 killed) in the idiotic bayonet charge at Chilianwala (India now Pakistan) during the 2nd Sikh war. Most of the 1st battalion was destroyed by the Zulus at Isandlhwana. It was at Gallipoli in WWI. The 24th left the lines in France at the end of WWI with 76 men and officers, total. They were captured by the Germans at the disastrous Battle of Tobruk in WWII. The ship carrying the Regiment hit a rock and sank on the way to the Invasion of Norway.
The 24th Foot were great and heroic fighters. But the regiment was cursed with bad luck as well.
Happy Friday the 13th!
May 13, 2005
Are You Conservative? The HB Guide to Life
Here is a little quiz I made up to see what Political Party you belong to. I am not smart enough to make the little buttons and boxes, so you will have to keep score at home on a piece of paper. Go ahead; it will not hurt you to actually WRITE something with your hands. No, there is no portable keyboard for that piece of paper – get outside and away from that computer this weekend, OK?
Answer the following if they are Good, Don’t Know, or Bad.
Good you get 10 points, don’t know = 0 points, and if you think these things are bad you get negative one points. I will provide the answers and score code at the bottom.
• ACLU
• Senators from New York
• Any President form Georgia
• Any President from Arkansas
• Blue dresses on interns
• Labor unions
• Abolishing the death penalty
• Taxing the rich
• Giving tax money to the poor
• Giving our military non-lethal weapons
• Talking out and negotiating our problems
• Spotted owls
• No logging
• No coal plants
• Electric or hybrid cars
• Organic food
• No meat eating
• Killing those who smoke
• Outlawing smoking
• Outlawing guns
• Outlawing cars
• Torture for anyone who owns an SUV
• Elf
• Peta
• Abortion clinics
• Saving the whale
• The Chicago Seven
• Jane Fonda
• Burning flags
• Outlawing Christmas, Easter and Halloween parties at school
• Taking “GOD” out of , well EVERYWHERE
• Banning prayer in school
Bonus: was Ronald Reagan or either of the Bushes evil =100 points
Answers: These are all BAD
Score:
0 or higher you are a liberal/socialist/communist/Democrat/asshat/appeasing/ moonbat/leftist or just stupid
Any negative number – welcome to reality.
Answer the following if they are Good, Don’t Know, or Bad.
Good you get 10 points, don’t know = 0 points, and if you think these things are bad you get negative one points. I will provide the answers and score code at the bottom.
• ACLU
• Senators from New York
• Any President form Georgia
• Any President from Arkansas
• Blue dresses on interns
• Labor unions
• Abolishing the death penalty
• Taxing the rich
• Giving tax money to the poor
• Giving our military non-lethal weapons
• Talking out and negotiating our problems
• Spotted owls
• No logging
• No coal plants
• Electric or hybrid cars
• Organic food
• No meat eating
• Killing those who smoke
• Outlawing smoking
• Outlawing guns
• Outlawing cars
• Torture for anyone who owns an SUV
• Elf
• Peta
• Abortion clinics
• Saving the whale
• The Chicago Seven
• Jane Fonda
• Burning flags
• Outlawing Christmas, Easter and Halloween parties at school
• Taking “GOD” out of , well EVERYWHERE
• Banning prayer in school
Bonus: was Ronald Reagan or either of the Bushes evil =100 points
Answers: These are all BAD
Score:
0 or higher you are a liberal/socialist/communist/Democrat/asshat/appeasing/ moonbat/leftist or just stupid
Any negative number – welcome to reality.
Music
This is the way I feel about music. I have not heard of this artist, but I think I want to find out more. I love the blues, I love about any kind of music. I especially like the way she talks about music and how it can make you feel.
I have music running through my head all the time. Classical, classic rock, blues, Sinatra, I can hear every nuance of the composition in my brain. Too bad I cannot sing or play any instrument. I love the music in my head. For example, I replay in my mind the entire extended version of Awaken by Yes when I mow. This has been my "song" of choice for years when bored. The Doors accompany me on long plane trips. Today Hank Williams Jr. is playing a concert in my brain.
Does anyone else do this? Yeah, I realize this probably makes me crazy!
I have music running through my head all the time. Classical, classic rock, blues, Sinatra, I can hear every nuance of the composition in my brain. Too bad I cannot sing or play any instrument. I love the music in my head. For example, I replay in my mind the entire extended version of Awaken by Yes when I mow. This has been my "song" of choice for years when bored. The Doors accompany me on long plane trips. Today Hank Williams Jr. is playing a concert in my brain.
Does anyone else do this? Yeah, I realize this probably makes me crazy!
May 12, 2005
Thursday Rants Part II
Here it is another Thursday morning and I find a couple of items in the news that I find unbelievable.
A student pilot and his teacher violated the airspace in the Capitol yesterday, causing widespread panic and evacuations. Their excuse was they were navigating by landmarks and got lost. If you have ever been to Washington or flown into Reagan Airport you are aware the monuments and Government buildings can be seen for miles. The Capitol Building sits on a hill. The Washington Monument is one of the tallest and most recognizable landmarks, and the Pentagon is the world's largest office building. How in the Hell can you miss them? The fact that the airspace around Washington DC is regulated should be a surprise to no one, especially pilots. Were these jerks not tuned to any radio channel? Did the F-16's not spring their memory? Finally it took flare shots at the plane to make these butt monkeys quit performing foliatio and pay attention to their surroundings? "Uh Jimbo, That big old phallic symbol over there makes me a little horny." "Yeah, lets fly closer, I wonder what it is?" Just a couple of beetle brained morons. The student should be grounded for being stupid. The instructor should loose his license immediately. How can he teach ANYONE to navigate by landmarks when he fails to recognize the most recognizable landmarks in the country? For god's sake you can buy a GPS handheld for a couple of hundred bucks. What were these guys thinking?
But that is not where my real anger is directed. It is against the leftist assholes who heard this lame ass excuse and just said, "Oh well they were lost." Bullshit. These jerks caused mayhem and panic by being ignorant butt monkeys and we are just to say forget it? That is a typical leftist feel good approach, only consider the intentions. I bet they would feel different if it was someone who brought a gun to DC. What if it accidentally discharged and killed or wounded someone. Would we get the OH, well response? Sheese these people make me want to puke.
Now about that psycho woman in Georgia. I do not care if she did or did not want to get married. The fact that she filed a false report and lied to police is important. Is there not a law on the books about false reporting in New Mexico or Georgia? She clearly thought (at least a little) the story out when she was able to provide details about the man and woman and how the BOTH sexually assaulted her (calling Doctor Freud). Once again we get the old "she was confused" excuse. Charge this bitch with something, even a misdemeanors, to keep the countless copycats who cannot wait to get themselves on TV from repeating this horseshit. Come on, look what people will do to get on Springer. You think some piece of white trash is not already scheming to out run the runaway bride?
Man I am sick of these appeasers. Let people take responsibility for their actions.
A student pilot and his teacher violated the airspace in the Capitol yesterday, causing widespread panic and evacuations. Their excuse was they were navigating by landmarks and got lost. If you have ever been to Washington or flown into Reagan Airport you are aware the monuments and Government buildings can be seen for miles. The Capitol Building sits on a hill. The Washington Monument is one of the tallest and most recognizable landmarks, and the Pentagon is the world's largest office building. How in the Hell can you miss them? The fact that the airspace around Washington DC is regulated should be a surprise to no one, especially pilots. Were these jerks not tuned to any radio channel? Did the F-16's not spring their memory? Finally it took flare shots at the plane to make these butt monkeys quit performing foliatio and pay attention to their surroundings? "Uh Jimbo, That big old phallic symbol over there makes me a little horny." "Yeah, lets fly closer, I wonder what it is?" Just a couple of beetle brained morons. The student should be grounded for being stupid. The instructor should loose his license immediately. How can he teach ANYONE to navigate by landmarks when he fails to recognize the most recognizable landmarks in the country? For god's sake you can buy a GPS handheld for a couple of hundred bucks. What were these guys thinking?
But that is not where my real anger is directed. It is against the leftist assholes who heard this lame ass excuse and just said, "Oh well they were lost." Bullshit. These jerks caused mayhem and panic by being ignorant butt monkeys and we are just to say forget it? That is a typical leftist feel good approach, only consider the intentions. I bet they would feel different if it was someone who brought a gun to DC. What if it accidentally discharged and killed or wounded someone. Would we get the OH, well response? Sheese these people make me want to puke.
Now about that psycho woman in Georgia. I do not care if she did or did not want to get married. The fact that she filed a false report and lied to police is important. Is there not a law on the books about false reporting in New Mexico or Georgia? She clearly thought (at least a little) the story out when she was able to provide details about the man and woman and how the BOTH sexually assaulted her (calling Doctor Freud). Once again we get the old "she was confused" excuse. Charge this bitch with something, even a misdemeanors, to keep the countless copycats who cannot wait to get themselves on TV from repeating this horseshit. Come on, look what people will do to get on Springer. You think some piece of white trash is not already scheming to out run the runaway bride?
Man I am sick of these appeasers. Let people take responsibility for their actions.
May 11, 2005
The Smell of the Leather Glove, The Sting of the Bat
When I was a kid we played a lot of baseball. We lived in a subdivision, but had a fairly large backyard. We had a baseball diamond, and the bare spots for the "mound" and bases lasted for years after we outgrew our little diamond.
We usually played our games with a tennis ball, to make sure there was no damage to our house or the neighbor's. You can throw a tennis ball hard enough that you need gloves to play. We used my dad's broken softball bats (fastpitch)or some of the neighborhood kids had their own bats. Of course they were all wood. I had a Roger Maris autographed model. I did not like it because it was not a Louisville Slugger. My grandparents gave it to me as a gift. I did not see an aluminum bat until I was in my teens.
Games usually started early in the morning and lasted all day. Kids would come and go as they were allowed, leaving for lunch or whenever their Mom called them home. Often you had to switch teams to keep things even. We kept track of balls strikes and outs. The fun was THE GAME. My brother and I would go in to eat supper and the game continued until we got back.
It was hot and sometimes Mom would make everyone Koolaid. More often we got a drink from the hose. There was no reason to go inside, it was just as hot there. We did not have air conditioning. No one I knew had air conditioning. There were only three channels and the soaps were on during the day, the news in the evening. That was nothing I wanted to watch.
I coach my son's baseball teams now. He is very good, but I knew more about the how to "play" the game than he does. Playing every day you learned about what would happen in game situations, how to move, how to play the ball, how to read a hitter and a pitcher. These things he is learning through organized and structured play. I learned through peer pressure, intimidation, and ridicule. Is he better off?
One thing I do share with my son is a deep love of the game, the nuances of play, pleasure in a well hit ball or catch. The sheer joy of the diamond, the smell of the leather glove, the sting of the bat are all memories I hope he can share with his boy someday.
We usually played our games with a tennis ball, to make sure there was no damage to our house or the neighbor's. You can throw a tennis ball hard enough that you need gloves to play. We used my dad's broken softball bats (fastpitch)or some of the neighborhood kids had their own bats. Of course they were all wood. I had a Roger Maris autographed model. I did not like it because it was not a Louisville Slugger. My grandparents gave it to me as a gift. I did not see an aluminum bat until I was in my teens.
Games usually started early in the morning and lasted all day. Kids would come and go as they were allowed, leaving for lunch or whenever their Mom called them home. Often you had to switch teams to keep things even. We kept track of balls strikes and outs. The fun was THE GAME. My brother and I would go in to eat supper and the game continued until we got back.
It was hot and sometimes Mom would make everyone Koolaid. More often we got a drink from the hose. There was no reason to go inside, it was just as hot there. We did not have air conditioning. No one I knew had air conditioning. There were only three channels and the soaps were on during the day, the news in the evening. That was nothing I wanted to watch.
I coach my son's baseball teams now. He is very good, but I knew more about the how to "play" the game than he does. Playing every day you learned about what would happen in game situations, how to move, how to play the ball, how to read a hitter and a pitcher. These things he is learning through organized and structured play. I learned through peer pressure, intimidation, and ridicule. Is he better off?
One thing I do share with my son is a deep love of the game, the nuances of play, pleasure in a well hit ball or catch. The sheer joy of the diamond, the smell of the leather glove, the sting of the bat are all memories I hope he can share with his boy someday.
May 10, 2005
The South Was Right
The South was right. Their position on States Rights was backed by the 10th Amendment.
The Founders were very clear in their understanding of Rights. They did not want a powerful Federal Government. The Constitution clearly limits the government in nearly every Article. It spells out what the Government can and cannot do. Anything else is a State issue. Unfortunately the Constitution discussed Slavery. By allowing slavery, it made it a federal issue. The Slave States understood it was only a matter of time before the institution had to end. The Confederate States were considering such a move at War's end.
The North was also correct. The Unionist view that allowing the several states to withdraw from the union would destroy them all was valid. The British and French both saw the War as a chance to get back at the fabulous resources of America. I also believe there is ample evidence that the loose confederation the Jeffersonian had in mind would not have allowed the US to become the Superpower it is today.
The steps Lincoln took to preserve the Union were unprecedented. Suspending habeas corpus, income taxes and the draft were so onerous to citizens at the time we cannot understand today.
Jefferson Davis and every other Southerner who participated in discussions, conventions and meetings that discussed succession were TRAITORS. They actively pursued a course of rebellion against the sovereign United States. So while their intent was right, the course of action was wrong.
It was incumbent upon the President to do whatever was necessary to save the Union. Lincoln did the job. Many of the actions he took were duplicated by Roosevelt during WWII. Again, the country's survival was at stake. Does this indicate that ends justify the means? I am not sure. One thing is clear, by the end of the War, the South new their best friend was Abe Lincoln. There was true sadness on both sides when he was killed. The Radicals under Johnson inflicted suffering on the losers and caused hurt and humiliation that lasted for more than 50 years.
I once heard a comedian reply to the famous Charlie Daniels song "The South's Gonna Do It Again". He said "the South's gonna do it again -- what lose another major fuckin' war". Well, as the DigitalCowboy has pointed out the South has risen again. What he fails to note is that it is in conjunction with the Midwestern and Western states. The Blue States are the remnant of the old Yankee states that went to war for the wrong reasons. Those states that wanted to impose their world view upon the rest. That wanted the government to enforce morality, to decide what was best, to make the rest of us bend and pay for THEIR beliefs. Not much has changed, once they were called aboloshinists, now they are liberals. You cannot disagree with their moral position they take. We should have gotten rid of slavery. We should feed the poor and take care of the less fortunate. It is just that most Americans do not like to be forced to pay for these things. Taking money from one person to give to another is stealing. Robin Hood was a thief, no matter his pretenses. Taxing me to give to someone else is equally theft.
Lincoln was a scumbag politician. OK, as I stated before, show me a President who wasn't. He did hold the country together and for that I give him a pass. The South was correct in their interpretation of the 10th Amendment. The means they chose to prove their point did lasting harm. The act of rebellion incensed many Americans. That gave rise to the strong Federal Government of Lincoln. We are paying for it today. Thanks Jeff Davis, you asshole. I pissed on your monument in Kentucky twice before. I will do it every time I pass close. Because of you we have Swimmer Kennedy and KKK Byrd and Nancy Pissonme in office. I can only hope the South Isn't gonna do it again. Freedom and liberty and conservatism cannot take it.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
The Founders were very clear in their understanding of Rights. They did not want a powerful Federal Government. The Constitution clearly limits the government in nearly every Article. It spells out what the Government can and cannot do. Anything else is a State issue. Unfortunately the Constitution discussed Slavery. By allowing slavery, it made it a federal issue. The Slave States understood it was only a matter of time before the institution had to end. The Confederate States were considering such a move at War's end.
The North was also correct. The Unionist view that allowing the several states to withdraw from the union would destroy them all was valid. The British and French both saw the War as a chance to get back at the fabulous resources of America. I also believe there is ample evidence that the loose confederation the Jeffersonian had in mind would not have allowed the US to become the Superpower it is today.
The steps Lincoln took to preserve the Union were unprecedented. Suspending habeas corpus, income taxes and the draft were so onerous to citizens at the time we cannot understand today.
Jefferson Davis and every other Southerner who participated in discussions, conventions and meetings that discussed succession were TRAITORS. They actively pursued a course of rebellion against the sovereign United States. So while their intent was right, the course of action was wrong.
It was incumbent upon the President to do whatever was necessary to save the Union. Lincoln did the job. Many of the actions he took were duplicated by Roosevelt during WWII. Again, the country's survival was at stake. Does this indicate that ends justify the means? I am not sure. One thing is clear, by the end of the War, the South new their best friend was Abe Lincoln. There was true sadness on both sides when he was killed. The Radicals under Johnson inflicted suffering on the losers and caused hurt and humiliation that lasted for more than 50 years.
I once heard a comedian reply to the famous Charlie Daniels song "The South's Gonna Do It Again". He said "the South's gonna do it again -- what lose another major fuckin' war". Well, as the DigitalCowboy has pointed out the South has risen again. What he fails to note is that it is in conjunction with the Midwestern and Western states. The Blue States are the remnant of the old Yankee states that went to war for the wrong reasons. Those states that wanted to impose their world view upon the rest. That wanted the government to enforce morality, to decide what was best, to make the rest of us bend and pay for THEIR beliefs. Not much has changed, once they were called aboloshinists, now they are liberals. You cannot disagree with their moral position they take. We should have gotten rid of slavery. We should feed the poor and take care of the less fortunate. It is just that most Americans do not like to be forced to pay for these things. Taking money from one person to give to another is stealing. Robin Hood was a thief, no matter his pretenses. Taxing me to give to someone else is equally theft.
Lincoln was a scumbag politician. OK, as I stated before, show me a President who wasn't. He did hold the country together and for that I give him a pass. The South was correct in their interpretation of the 10th Amendment. The means they chose to prove their point did lasting harm. The act of rebellion incensed many Americans. That gave rise to the strong Federal Government of Lincoln. We are paying for it today. Thanks Jeff Davis, you asshole. I pissed on your monument in Kentucky twice before. I will do it every time I pass close. Because of you we have Swimmer Kennedy and KKK Byrd and Nancy Pissonme in office. I can only hope the South Isn't gonna do it again. Freedom and liberty and conservatism cannot take it.
May 9, 2005
Snakes in the Grass and other Obstacles
Saturday was a beautiful day in Hoosierdom. Clear skies, it was sunny with a temperature around 70 degrees.
I had my fat butt firmly on the seat of my riding mower doing my best to not have the worst yard in the neighborhood this year. I was jamming to tunes on my MP3 player. Suddenly, from the corner of my eye I saw a snake lying in the grass next to the path I was mowing. It was slim and brown with spots and about 2 feet long.
I am TERRIFIED of snakes. I jumped off the mower immediately. I should have swerved and mowed it into nasty, bloody snake parts. I was too terrified to think.
I went to shut off the mower and realized I am a total pussy.
It was just a bungee cord that I use to tie on the pad to my kids' trampoline. It must have fallen off when I moved the damn trampoline to mow.
Man, sometimes I feel like a total dumbass. But I do hate snakes.
I had my fat butt firmly on the seat of my riding mower doing my best to not have the worst yard in the neighborhood this year. I was jamming to tunes on my MP3 player. Suddenly, from the corner of my eye I saw a snake lying in the grass next to the path I was mowing. It was slim and brown with spots and about 2 feet long.
I am TERRIFIED of snakes. I jumped off the mower immediately. I should have swerved and mowed it into nasty, bloody snake parts. I was too terrified to think.
I went to shut off the mower and realized I am a total pussy.
It was just a bungee cord that I use to tie on the pad to my kids' trampoline. It must have fallen off when I moved the damn trampoline to mow.
Man, sometimes I feel like a total dumbass. But I do hate snakes.
May 7, 2005
The Civil War was not about Slavery
Well it was, kind of. The Civil war was about States Rights. In this case it was about whether or not the Whole of the United States had a right to dictate public policy about a moral issue -- slavery. At the time there was a general sense that slavery was wrong and that it should not be encouraged or spread. Slave trade and importation had been declared illegal some years before. For most slave owners, it was an economic issue. They viewed the situation as a farmer would today if you were declare that combines and tractors were illegal and took them away without compensation.
The prevalent view of the big plantation with hundreds of slaves is a farce. The vast majority of slave owners owned one or two slaves. In many cases these slaves lived and worked beside their owners. This was still wrong, but the notion that all the South was a big Tara is just not true. There were evil and bad masters who whipped the slaves. The separation of families did occur, but most owners had a significant amount of money tied up in their "property" and knew that a well fed, happy slave was a more efficient worker.
As new territories were added to the union the slave states saw the beginning of the end. They knew eventually the industrial North and small farmers in the plains and Midwest would overwhelmingly reject slavery. These individuals had no need (or money for) slaves like the labor-intensive cotton and indigo farms of the south.
The issue was, and I repeat myself, did the WHOLE OF THE UNITED STATES have the right to dictate to the individual state? In today's terms, does California have a right to insist its onerous gun control laws or air standards be forced upon the rest of us? The burning question of the day concerned the make up of the collection of states. Should the union be a loose confederacy held together for common defense and economic strength? Should the union be a strong central government where the individual states were concerned with local issues? These are the same questions we face today. The EU will wrestle with this for years to come. Before the Civil War there is little doubt that the union was a loose confederacy. The common man owed his allegiance and identified more with his state.
By the middle of the 19th century there was a change in this attitude. Texas, Kentucky, Tennessee, the states formed from the Northwest Territories were all populated from the original colonies. Many families moved west several times in search of better land and way of life. Lincoln was born in Kentucky, spent his boyhood in Indiana, and finally moved to Illinois. His example is not unusual. These pioneers did not have the same loyalty to the state as the original colonists. A soldier from Virginia or New York would say they were fighting for Virginia etc. A soldier form Illinois or Iowa would have said he was fighting for the Union.
Thus the Civil war was not about slavery. It was about the future of the Union and its make up. It was about States Rights and the Union as a whole. The majority of Southerners did not own slaves (less than 20% did). Their position was that no outsider from (name your state) was going to tell him what to do. For the average Union soldier the issue was preserving the union, they view the war as a rebellion, not a revolution. The War changed forever the view of the Federal Government and fostered enmity and anger for a generation after the end of fighting. In many ways the fight continues to this day. The role Lincoln played in this, I will address in the next post.
The prevalent view of the big plantation with hundreds of slaves is a farce. The vast majority of slave owners owned one or two slaves. In many cases these slaves lived and worked beside their owners. This was still wrong, but the notion that all the South was a big Tara is just not true. There were evil and bad masters who whipped the slaves. The separation of families did occur, but most owners had a significant amount of money tied up in their "property" and knew that a well fed, happy slave was a more efficient worker.
As new territories were added to the union the slave states saw the beginning of the end. They knew eventually the industrial North and small farmers in the plains and Midwest would overwhelmingly reject slavery. These individuals had no need (or money for) slaves like the labor-intensive cotton and indigo farms of the south.
The issue was, and I repeat myself, did the WHOLE OF THE UNITED STATES have the right to dictate to the individual state? In today's terms, does California have a right to insist its onerous gun control laws or air standards be forced upon the rest of us? The burning question of the day concerned the make up of the collection of states. Should the union be a loose confederacy held together for common defense and economic strength? Should the union be a strong central government where the individual states were concerned with local issues? These are the same questions we face today. The EU will wrestle with this for years to come. Before the Civil War there is little doubt that the union was a loose confederacy. The common man owed his allegiance and identified more with his state.
By the middle of the 19th century there was a change in this attitude. Texas, Kentucky, Tennessee, the states formed from the Northwest Territories were all populated from the original colonies. Many families moved west several times in search of better land and way of life. Lincoln was born in Kentucky, spent his boyhood in Indiana, and finally moved to Illinois. His example is not unusual. These pioneers did not have the same loyalty to the state as the original colonists. A soldier from Virginia or New York would say they were fighting for Virginia etc. A soldier form Illinois or Iowa would have said he was fighting for the Union.
Thus the Civil war was not about slavery. It was about the future of the Union and its make up. It was about States Rights and the Union as a whole. The majority of Southerners did not own slaves (less than 20% did). Their position was that no outsider from (name your state) was going to tell him what to do. For the average Union soldier the issue was preserving the union, they view the war as a rebellion, not a revolution. The War changed forever the view of the Federal Government and fostered enmity and anger for a generation after the end of fighting. In many ways the fight continues to this day. The role Lincoln played in this, I will address in the next post.
May 6, 2005
Lincoln was a Liar and who cares?
Alli alerted me to this guy's website where he is posting about Abe Lincoln. He clearly is not a fan. Normally I do not use this blog to offer comments, but I thought this subject deserved more than just a few lines. So instead of a description of the Battle of Mill Springs as I had planned, I will offer a discussion of the Civil War in general.
There is some pretty compelling evidence that Abe Lincoln did not have sufficient votes to win the Republican Nomination in 1860. His supporters filled the convention hall in Cleveland and voted as if they were actual delegates. When notified he had won the nomination (candidates did not attend the conventions in those days) Lincoln is said to ask what he had to give up to get the party, and if there was "any [the powers of the President] left for me?". Most of his cabinet posts were promised in advance of the election in return for support. Does this make Lincoln an opportunist and beholden to special interests? Name one president, including Washington who was not? Do the scandals that accompanied both of Lincoln's elections taint him any more than Kennedy or Roosevelt or Bush or Jackson? To claim that Lincoln is the first President to be elected by special interests is a fraud and naive.
Mr Shaw goes into some detail about Lincoln being a liar because he stated previously he was not in favor of freeing the slaves. A thorough study of history will show that most Americans, North or South, were not in favor of freeing the slaves. Most held a pretty bigoted view of Blacks at the time and viewed them as subhuman. Some of the bias was fears that freed slaves would come North and take jobs at cheaper rates. The abolishinest view was held pretty much to the Northeast and Canada. Ironically these are the current "blue staters". States in the "West" like Illinois, Indiana, Iowa were not fighting to free the slaves and editorials and diaries from the time back this position. Being from Illinois it is likely that Lincoln held this view as well. We should not be shocked that a politician will take and change a position at any given time to get elected.
I am aware it is a very cynical position to state that Lincoln was not so bad because he was no better or worse than any other politico since the Roman Empire. Instead we should look at his policies and positions and the way he ran the war to make our judgment. This is a subject I will address in future posts.
There is some pretty compelling evidence that Abe Lincoln did not have sufficient votes to win the Republican Nomination in 1860. His supporters filled the convention hall in Cleveland and voted as if they were actual delegates. When notified he had won the nomination (candidates did not attend the conventions in those days) Lincoln is said to ask what he had to give up to get the party, and if there was "any [the powers of the President] left for me?". Most of his cabinet posts were promised in advance of the election in return for support. Does this make Lincoln an opportunist and beholden to special interests? Name one president, including Washington who was not? Do the scandals that accompanied both of Lincoln's elections taint him any more than Kennedy or Roosevelt or Bush or Jackson? To claim that Lincoln is the first President to be elected by special interests is a fraud and naive.
Mr Shaw goes into some detail about Lincoln being a liar because he stated previously he was not in favor of freeing the slaves. A thorough study of history will show that most Americans, North or South, were not in favor of freeing the slaves. Most held a pretty bigoted view of Blacks at the time and viewed them as subhuman. Some of the bias was fears that freed slaves would come North and take jobs at cheaper rates. The abolishinest view was held pretty much to the Northeast and Canada. Ironically these are the current "blue staters". States in the "West" like Illinois, Indiana, Iowa were not fighting to free the slaves and editorials and diaries from the time back this position. Being from Illinois it is likely that Lincoln held this view as well. We should not be shocked that a politician will take and change a position at any given time to get elected.
I am aware it is a very cynical position to state that Lincoln was not so bad because he was no better or worse than any other politico since the Roman Empire. Instead we should look at his policies and positions and the way he ran the war to make our judgment. This is a subject I will address in future posts.
Do not mess with old ladies...
I stole this from the GOC:
Speeding...
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding,too.
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
Speeding...
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding,too.
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
May 5, 2005
Thursday Rants
Here it is, random thoughts for a Thursday.
I have no comment on this. I just find it ironic and interesting.
When will the American People wake up and realize that the UN has become nothing more than a farce run by third world countries in typical corrupt third world manner. If we could actually get legitimate press coverage of the oil for food scandal and all the other nonsense, we would finally burn that leech of an organization from our shores.
At some time in the next few years can we actually see some ideas from Democrats? Their sole purpose in life seems to obstruct and hate. I think your typical Democrat is a member of the party out of tradition. If the Gary steelworker actually studied what the Party of Hate has come to stand for, he would reject it immediately.
Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. As a member of that generation between the Boomers and Gen X, I am screwed. The Boomers will vote in politicians that keep them in benefits while I am in my peek working years. That means I will pay higher taxes. By the time I retire the Gen Xers will be sick of retirees sucking them dry and will vote to reduce benefits. I am not sure of the fix, but something has to be done.
Why can't we force State, Local, and Federal Governments to live within their means? My local government is allowed to increase taxes by 5% every year. Inflation is running under 2%. I have not seen a raise in three years. I am sure not many of you have had a 5% raise since the early 1990's. Do the math.
I am a salesman that calls on heavy manufacturing. So many of my old customers are gone -- moved to Mexico or overseas, or just closed. These jobs will not be coming back. Wake up people. CHINA IS OUR ENEMY. We all like cheap clothes and electronics, but eventually we will not be able to buy these items if we all just provide services! I am not a protectionist at heart, but the current situation is not working.
Throughout history, there has been the equivalent of a "world war" or at least Europe-wide war within 50 years of a unified Germany.
I have a new goal in life to make sure Hillary Clinton is never elected President. I will register Democrat if necessary just to vote AGAINST her in the primaries. That woman will say and do anything to get elected. I think she may be a bigger liar than Bill. I have almost as much loathing for her as that lying traitor Jane Fonda. I just want Clinton to go away. I want Fonda executed as a traitor.
edit: American Idol scandal, Don't care. Michael Jacklson,. Don't care. Runaway Bride, Don't care. Tm Delay, Don't care. Go Pacers.
I have no comment on this. I just find it ironic and interesting.
When will the American People wake up and realize that the UN has become nothing more than a farce run by third world countries in typical corrupt third world manner. If we could actually get legitimate press coverage of the oil for food scandal and all the other nonsense, we would finally burn that leech of an organization from our shores.
At some time in the next few years can we actually see some ideas from Democrats? Their sole purpose in life seems to obstruct and hate. I think your typical Democrat is a member of the party out of tradition. If the Gary steelworker actually studied what the Party of Hate has come to stand for, he would reject it immediately.
Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. As a member of that generation between the Boomers and Gen X, I am screwed. The Boomers will vote in politicians that keep them in benefits while I am in my peek working years. That means I will pay higher taxes. By the time I retire the Gen Xers will be sick of retirees sucking them dry and will vote to reduce benefits. I am not sure of the fix, but something has to be done.
Why can't we force State, Local, and Federal Governments to live within their means? My local government is allowed to increase taxes by 5% every year. Inflation is running under 2%. I have not seen a raise in three years. I am sure not many of you have had a 5% raise since the early 1990's. Do the math.
I am a salesman that calls on heavy manufacturing. So many of my old customers are gone -- moved to Mexico or overseas, or just closed. These jobs will not be coming back. Wake up people. CHINA IS OUR ENEMY. We all like cheap clothes and electronics, but eventually we will not be able to buy these items if we all just provide services! I am not a protectionist at heart, but the current situation is not working.
Throughout history, there has been the equivalent of a "world war" or at least Europe-wide war within 50 years of a unified Germany.
I have a new goal in life to make sure Hillary Clinton is never elected President. I will register Democrat if necessary just to vote AGAINST her in the primaries. That woman will say and do anything to get elected. I think she may be a bigger liar than Bill. I have almost as much loathing for her as that lying traitor Jane Fonda. I just want Clinton to go away. I want Fonda executed as a traitor.
edit: American Idol scandal, Don't care. Michael Jacklson,. Don't care. Runaway Bride, Don't care. Tm Delay, Don't care. Go Pacers.
May 4, 2005
Foolish Youth
I was reading this when I decided to elaborate a little on some of the dumb things I have done in the company of alcohol.
I have a brother that is 2 and 1/2 years older than me. After he turned 16, he and his best buddy Bill used to go out cruising. I usually whined and begged to along. Often my mom made the older boys take me. Sometimes Bill would say I could come.
In the summer before my freshman year of High School we started drinking beer on these evenings out. We would get a six pack and head to the drive-in movie. Usually those six beers would get us each a little buzz. Gradually it would take more (Now I wish I could get a buzz from 2 beers -- you cannot buy a case of beer for $6 anymore!).
When he was a Senior in High School, Bill had me write his Government and history papers. As a reward he took me to qualifications for the Indy 500. This was before the Indy car split when the race was the biggest sporting event in the world. Tens of thousands would come just to watch practice and qualifications. We routinely skipped school to go to the track just to watch cars practice. Daytona has speed week, Indy had the entire month of May.
Inside the first turn was what was known as "the snake pit". This was an area of perpetual party. You could see and experience ANYTHING here. At the end of the day there was always at least one old car on fire. Couches, kegs and smashed coolers would litter the always muddy ground.
We arrived bright and early. We headed straight for the snake pit. It was raining, so we drove around in the mud for a while, doing doughnuts. Eventually we made our way to the stands where Bill broke out a bottle of Southern Comfort. This was my payment. I think we mixed it with Coke, but I also remember taking some direct pulls off the bottle.
At one point I headed for the restrooms. There was a sight I remember to this day. A biker had this girl down in the mud and was fucking her for all he was worth. He was dressed , his pants pulled down. She was buck naked. He was pounding away, looking around at the crowd that had formed with a shit-eating grin on his face. She just lay there, her breast moving up and down in rhythm to his thrusts. You have to remember I was like 14 or 15. This was awesome!
Eventually, I headed back to the booze. I made a fateful mistake, I thought you could drink whiskey like beer. Namely, drink until you get a good buzz, then quit. Big mistake. OMG, was I drunk. I passed out. I fell in the mud. I was sick. I passed out again. I was in terrible shape. Bill had to drive me around for hours before he could take me home.
To this day I cannot stand the sight, smell, or taste of whiskey, bourbon, or scotch. If I try to drink it, I immediately puke. I cannot even eat food cooked in whiskey. This is the ultimate example of what I learned in Psych 101 as a "learned taste aversion". But man, what good times we had.
I have a brother that is 2 and 1/2 years older than me. After he turned 16, he and his best buddy Bill used to go out cruising. I usually whined and begged to along. Often my mom made the older boys take me. Sometimes Bill would say I could come.
In the summer before my freshman year of High School we started drinking beer on these evenings out. We would get a six pack and head to the drive-in movie. Usually those six beers would get us each a little buzz. Gradually it would take more (Now I wish I could get a buzz from 2 beers -- you cannot buy a case of beer for $6 anymore!).
When he was a Senior in High School, Bill had me write his Government and history papers. As a reward he took me to qualifications for the Indy 500. This was before the Indy car split when the race was the biggest sporting event in the world. Tens of thousands would come just to watch practice and qualifications. We routinely skipped school to go to the track just to watch cars practice. Daytona has speed week, Indy had the entire month of May.
Inside the first turn was what was known as "the snake pit". This was an area of perpetual party. You could see and experience ANYTHING here. At the end of the day there was always at least one old car on fire. Couches, kegs and smashed coolers would litter the always muddy ground.
We arrived bright and early. We headed straight for the snake pit. It was raining, so we drove around in the mud for a while, doing doughnuts. Eventually we made our way to the stands where Bill broke out a bottle of Southern Comfort. This was my payment. I think we mixed it with Coke, but I also remember taking some direct pulls off the bottle.
At one point I headed for the restrooms. There was a sight I remember to this day. A biker had this girl down in the mud and was fucking her for all he was worth. He was dressed , his pants pulled down. She was buck naked. He was pounding away, looking around at the crowd that had formed with a shit-eating grin on his face. She just lay there, her breast moving up and down in rhythm to his thrusts. You have to remember I was like 14 or 15. This was awesome!
Eventually, I headed back to the booze. I made a fateful mistake, I thought you could drink whiskey like beer. Namely, drink until you get a good buzz, then quit. Big mistake. OMG, was I drunk. I passed out. I fell in the mud. I was sick. I passed out again. I was in terrible shape. Bill had to drive me around for hours before he could take me home.
To this day I cannot stand the sight, smell, or taste of whiskey, bourbon, or scotch. If I try to drink it, I immediately puke. I cannot even eat food cooked in whiskey. This is the ultimate example of what I learned in Psych 101 as a "learned taste aversion". But man, what good times we had.
Another @#$%^&*( Quiz
Here is another quiz. Like everyone else I do this when I am too lazy to think up a post..
for the most part this is pretty accurate. The making new friends easily part I have to disagree with. I have never been nervous in front of large crowds. Being IN large crowds does make me nervous.
Your Birthdate: March 20 |
Your birth on the 20th day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading. The 2 energy provided here is very social, allowing you to make friends easily and quickly. Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group. You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection. You are very prone to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil. It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in. When things are going well, you can go just as far the other way and become extremely affectionate. |
for the most part this is pretty accurate. The making new friends easily part I have to disagree with. I have never been nervous in front of large crowds. Being IN large crowds does make me nervous.
May 2, 2005
The Famous Irish Pub in Utrecht
Thank you to the Delftsman for his link. In honor of him I will tell another funny story that happened to me in The Netherlands.
There were about four of us in Utrecht, and we had been visiting the pubs and drinking a few beers. One of my colleagues remembered visiting, or hearing of, a pub called the Irish Pub. According to him, this was the best drinking spot in the city. Its' charms increased as the night wore on.
Finally, we set off in search of this Mecca of Partying. We traveled up and down streets and alleyways all over the central city no no avail. Occasionally we were forced to stop and get refreshments. Everyone knows that looking for a bar is a thirsty business. Finally, against every instinct I possess, we decided to ask for directions. I know, a major pussified moment.
My good friend and colleague from Germany and I were elected to ask. No one in the group could speak Dutch. I spoke a little French and my friend of course spoke German. You should know EVERYONE in Holland speaks English, most better than I But, as I said we had a few beers, so the plan made sense.
We approached a group of guys walking along the canal and my German friend asked if they has ever heard of the Irish Pub (in English). "Sure", they answered. I asked if they could give us directions. They conferred among themselves.
One finally said "Ok, go up this street for two blocks. Turn right and go about 100 meters. Then you... ask somebody there." He then walked off. To this day that is the funniest directions I have ever received.
We never did find the Irish Pub, but we sure had a good time looking.
There were about four of us in Utrecht, and we had been visiting the pubs and drinking a few beers. One of my colleagues remembered visiting, or hearing of, a pub called the Irish Pub. According to him, this was the best drinking spot in the city. Its' charms increased as the night wore on.
Finally, we set off in search of this Mecca of Partying. We traveled up and down streets and alleyways all over the central city no no avail. Occasionally we were forced to stop and get refreshments. Everyone knows that looking for a bar is a thirsty business. Finally, against every instinct I possess, we decided to ask for directions. I know, a major pussified moment.
My good friend and colleague from Germany and I were elected to ask. No one in the group could speak Dutch. I spoke a little French and my friend of course spoke German. You should know EVERYONE in Holland speaks English, most better than I But, as I said we had a few beers, so the plan made sense.
We approached a group of guys walking along the canal and my German friend asked if they has ever heard of the Irish Pub (in English). "Sure", they answered. I asked if they could give us directions. They conferred among themselves.
One finally said "Ok, go up this street for two blocks. Turn right and go about 100 meters. Then you... ask somebody there." He then walked off. To this day that is the funniest directions I have ever received.
We never did find the Irish Pub, but we sure had a good time looking.
I'm About Sick of This...
For a large portion of my life the Democrats were in charge of the Senate and House. I do not remember a single time when they were interested in compromise. The Donk attitude was always "we were elected by the people based on our agenda and we should legislate accordingly". The Republicans moved into power based on the Contract with America and have abandoned that which put them into power.
Why is the Rebublican party so keen on kissing Democrat ass? The liberal policies of that party no longer represent the beliefs of most Americans. If the Ass party wants to filibuster, then let them get in there and do the Mr. Smith thing -- I want to see Swimmer Kennedy passing out in a alcoholic withdrawal seizure, shaking with the DTs as he reads from the Washington DC phonebook.
I want to see Byrd lose his mind from exhaustion and begin spouting the Klan Ritual as he loses his voice after 10 hours of pontificating on the pureness of Big Government.
I want to Hillary Clinton talk and talk and talk until we can finally get the truth out that lying bitch. Maybe she will spontaneously explode into flames, I have heard that can happen.
Why doesn't the Republican Party grow some balls? Why don't they start acting like they are in charge? The liberal judges we have on the bench now are there because the Democrats were not afraid to tell the Republican minority to bugger off when it came time to confirm judges.
When are going to see some actual fiscal responsibility out of this bunch? I have been a registered Republican since I was 18. I have spent 25 years voting for this party. I am starting to believe they are failing me. I am not sure I could vote for a Democrat, but I am not sure I will vote for the Republicans who are just becoming Democrats lite. Bring back the fucking Whigs I say. I have about had it.
Why is the Rebublican party so keen on kissing Democrat ass? The liberal policies of that party no longer represent the beliefs of most Americans. If the Ass party wants to filibuster, then let them get in there and do the Mr. Smith thing -- I want to see Swimmer Kennedy passing out in a alcoholic withdrawal seizure, shaking with the DTs as he reads from the Washington DC phonebook.
I want to see Byrd lose his mind from exhaustion and begin spouting the Klan Ritual as he loses his voice after 10 hours of pontificating on the pureness of Big Government.
I want to Hillary Clinton talk and talk and talk until we can finally get the truth out that lying bitch. Maybe she will spontaneously explode into flames, I have heard that can happen.
Why doesn't the Republican Party grow some balls? Why don't they start acting like they are in charge? The liberal judges we have on the bench now are there because the Democrats were not afraid to tell the Republican minority to bugger off when it came time to confirm judges.
When are going to see some actual fiscal responsibility out of this bunch? I have been a registered Republican since I was 18. I have spent 25 years voting for this party. I am starting to believe they are failing me. I am not sure I could vote for a Democrat, but I am not sure I will vote for the Republicans who are just becoming Democrats lite. Bring back the fucking Whigs I say. I have about had it.
May 1, 2005
God's Country -- After all it is Sunday
Here is another Email from my dad:
A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the U.S. He bought a plane ticket to Orlando, thinking he would start by working his way across the USA from south to north.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call." The man, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the priest and went his way.
Next, he stopped in Atlanta.There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He asked a nearby nun what this phone's purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the man, and left.
He then traveled to Minneapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
Upon leaving New York, he decided to travel to the Midwest to see if he would find the same phone. He arrived in Indiana, and in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone. This time, however, the sign under it read "40 cents per call." The man was surprised. Just then, the minister walked in and he asked about the sign."Pastor, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the East, the North, and the South the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The pastor smiled and answered, "You're in Indiana now son, it's a local call."
not much more I can add.
A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the U.S. He bought a plane ticket to Orlando, thinking he would start by working his way across the USA from south to north.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call." The man, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the priest and went his way.
Next, he stopped in Atlanta.There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He asked a nearby nun what this phone's purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the man, and left.
He then traveled to Minneapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
Upon leaving New York, he decided to travel to the Midwest to see if he would find the same phone. He arrived in Indiana, and in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone. This time, however, the sign under it read "40 cents per call." The man was surprised. Just then, the minister walked in and he asked about the sign."Pastor, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the East, the North, and the South the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The pastor smiled and answered, "You're in Indiana now son, it's a local call."
not much more I can add.
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