Simply Appalling

 The US has tucked its tail and sprinted out of Afghanistan. Our erstwhile SecState was bragging that we managed things great, only leaving a few hundred Americans behind. 

He advised them to hunker down, shelter in place, and make their way to the airport whenever commercial flights resume.

Seriously.

After Vietnam a whole industry existed regarding rescuing the handful of POWs the Commies did or did not release.

I guess we are going to have to call Rambo out of the VA retirement home to go get the Americans Biden left behind.

That queasy feeling in my gut isn’t from the chicken enchiladas with salsa verde I had for supper last night.

Trying on new stripes in the department store fitting room

I’m up early on this fine Sunday morning because reasons. No, I don’t know those reasons. Just because, I guess. I woke at 4:00 on the nose. I finally gave up on going back to sleep at 4:30 or so, and — ta da — here we are. 

To be precise, here I am. You will enter the picture at some further point in time. It may be minutes after I publish. It may be later today. It might be next week or month or next year. It could be decades in the future, provided President for Life AOC hasn’t declared me persona non grata and had all traces of me and this blog erased for badthink. Nothing would surprise me. 

It could be future me will repudiate every word I’ve written over the past 57 years at this blog after pain and torture at the re-education camp. 

I might change my opinions on my own.

In my training  at Big Insurance we did an analysis of personality types, so we could sell to the customer in a way they could relate. As such, we had to take a test of our own personality. They called it something else in Big Insurance training, but behold, I was the Type A-iest of Type A personalities in the class. By a wide margin. That may or may not surprise you.

What you might not know, is as a youth and even in college I was pretty shy. I had no issues giving a speech or even being in a play, but generally I was insecure and terrified around strangers in one on one situations,  especially girls. And even later, I had a problem picking up the phone and calling people. 

I got over it. I became the strong personality you have come to love and admire in these pages.

In the same fashion I could throw away all common sense, historical perspective, economic  understanding, lack of hypocrisy, and reasoning altogether and become a Democrat. 

Yeah, probably not.

Your Love is Fadin’

It is Saturday. Woot. It is going to be a hot one. Thank goodness our friends have invited us to soak in their pool this afternoon . It is good to have friends with nice things. I plan to get in for the first time in a while. It has been six weeks. I think my incision is healed.

My new boss dropped off my new company car truck yesterday. It has the company logo painted down the sides and on the hood like a NASCAR racer, but I’m not complaining. ‘Cause free F150. I’m ready to start Monday. It’s been a long time coming.

I’m not going to go on a political rant today. The incompetence is evident for all to see. My blood pressure doesn’t need it. Plus I’m in a good mood. I’m pretty sure my buddy and I will solve America’s problems over a beer and cigar this afternoon. 

1971’s Maggie May deservedly gets the love from critics and Rod Stewart fans. I’m no exception. Yet who can deny the power of Stewart and the Faces from their cover of (I know) I’m losing you? From the same 1971 album Every Picture Tells a Story:

Have a great Saturday.

Is anyone in charge?

Wait, we gave a list of our collaborators to the Taliban? Are you F-ing kidding me?

How did that go? Uh, Mr. Terrorist, please don’t kill our people as they try to get to the airport. 

Taliban: how do we know what people to not kill? 

State Department: how about we give you a list?

Taliban:  uh, OK. (Stifles guffaws)

Crap on a cracker, who’s in charge of this shit show? We give up Billions of dollars of arms and equipment, not even bothering trying to destroy it. Then we let them dictate terms. Finally, we give them a convenient kill list?

Do we need to check the emails to make sure we aren’t giving the treasury PIN number to a Nigerian Princess? 

I had to worry about my elderly mom and dad falling to scams. I never thought the senile old fart in the White House would be so gullible.

Biden says we are gonna get those terrorists who bombed the airport yesterday. With what, and who is going to do it? 

We are pulling out pronto. Does he think anyone is going to help us? After we left them swinging in the wind? 

Biden really has been wrong about every foreign policy decision in the last fifty years.

Dodging the speed bumps on memory lane

Yesterday we were reminiscing about the old days when we didn’t have air conditioning.

Remember when white people sometimes were in commercials?

That queasy feeling

Charlie Watts, the great drummer from The Rolling Stones has passed. The musicians from my youth are dying off. 

The heat wave continues. Heat index temps will top 100 again today and are expected to continue through the weekend. It is August. Hot temperatures should be expected. At least it isn’t like when I was a kid, we didn’t have air conditioning. We just sucked it up. Now I have AC. My electric bill is going to be ugly. 

I finally get those who say they are embarrassed by their country. I’m sure embarrassed by this administration. We are being run out of Afghanistan with our tails between our legs by dudes in Toyota pickup trucks. The President thinks this is great. The rest of the World, especially China, just laughs at us. I’m glad Biden is bringing American respectability back to the world stage. At least he doesn’t tweet mean stuff. 

I don’t possess the vocabulary to adequately express my anger and disgust. 

If Trump did this the Dems would already be having impeachment hearings. Now, they are more interested in spending trillions on Green New Deal boondoggles. Afghanistan and the spending bills reflect typical Democratic Party half-thought policies. Do it half-assed and depend on magic to fix the myriad problems the policy causes. No big deal — it is just American lives at stake. 

Spit.

Cockpit Chatter

 A jumbo jet is on its final approach coming in to Toronto Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom.

“This is your Captain speaking. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto”.

He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, “Well, skipper, what you gonna do in Toronto?”

“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap … then I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner….. then I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give it to her big-time all night.”

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She’s so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: “No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta use the bathroom first.”

A Monday full of complaints.

My garden has been a disappointment this year. The rabbits ate the first fruits. Then it rained. A lot. Too much. Then it got cold. Very cold for summer. Then came the drought. We got maybe 0.25 inches of rain in July. Now the ‘maters have stalled. The bell pepper just blooms. The cucumbers are white. The jalapeño has put out 10 or 12 nice tasty peppers, but that is it. I still have a dozen or more golf ball-sized green tomatoes. Same as I had a few weeks ago. 

Others have the same complaints. Gardens are bad this year. 

I could just say a quick “so it goes”. I could just blame it on climate change, ignoring the notion that increased warmth and CO2 is good for plant growth. Hey, let’s not let science get in the way of hysteria. Who knows. I’m on the verge of just foregoing the watering and telling the recalcitrant tomatoes they are on their own. Put out or else. 

I sat helpless in the air conditioning yesterday as the wife mowed, pulled weeds, and cleaned off the patio in blistering heat. I clumped out on my crutches a few times to offer non-existent help. Each time I hobbled back inside to the cool air. It was too hot for moral support. 

I’m going to drop a roast in the crockpot for supper. I can manage that.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Sunday. The littlest granddaughter spent the night. I hear her stirring in her bed, always slow to get awake.  My coffee steams beside me as I type away on my iPad while perched on an end of our broken down couch. I wish I could go for a walk. 

About another week and I can get back to training for the next Olympics and a new season of American Ninja Warrior. OK, maybe just walking. I can’t wait to shed these crutches and knee scooter. I don’t even care about wearing the boot anymore. The doctor is going to have to have a really compelling reason for me to remain immobile. A very good reason. 

In other news, I have none.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Edit Why Joe, what raciiiist foods did you fix the little one for breakfast?

One of the last boxes in existence of the most horrible racist THING ever

It is gone. The empty box trashed. No one needs cower in fear any longer. Except for the Mrs. Butterworth syrup I dumped on top of my stack. That is still triggering people from my pantry. 

It is a game show

Now the Wokabees have come for the game show hosts. For some it was inexcusable that a non-POC was chosen to host Jeopardy. So in retaliation they poked and prodded until some dirt was found from the new host’s past and forced him to give up the gig. 

Richards wasn’t my first choice, but I was able to put things in perspective. It is a half hour game show on television. It really makes no difference in my life who hosts it. I will watch or not watch. Whatever. 

I’m not sure I want to live in a society that is totally unforgiving. Where we are all subject to purity tests we are doomed to fail. 

It is time corporate America stood up to the chattering mob. The Twitter universe is not the real public. How many of the perpetually outraged watched Jeopardy anyway? 

I have said and written plenty that I regret. I like to think I’ve grown over time. I prefer to believe we can be forgiven for our sins. What is hope without redemption? 

We need to quit holding people to impossible standards we couldn’t meet ourselves. 

Olly Olly Oxen Free

Come out of hiding, Joe.

Were I a leader in South Korea or Taiwan, or even A NATO ally in Europe I would be looking to my own defenses. If you think the Biden Administration is going to save you, look no further than the latest headlines. Hey, Biden was part of the team that brought us Benghazi, remember? He didn’t want to go after Bin Laden either. 

Now, in true fashion he has run off to hide, hoping his lapdog press will just let all this go away if he waits it out. He is probably right.

But at least we don’t have mean tweets to worry about. 

Men without honor

The fact that General Miley and SecDef Austin are still employed says everything you need to know about Sleepy Joe’s weakness as president. Honorable men would resign. Weak men wait to be fired. Simps refuse to fire their employees for complete failure like the debacle in Afghanistan. 

If Biden doesn’t fire them it means he agrees with their performance. That says tons about him as an executive.

Even Jimmah Carter thinks the President looks weak. 

This is not about politics. If the Pentagon didn’t correctly predict that the Afghan government would fall in days, then they should be fired. If they didn’t have a just-in-case scenario in place, they should be fired.  If we leave ANY Americans behind, they should be tried for dereliction of duty. This…blunder…has left America as weak politically as we were in 1975. It took a decade to rebuild our military then. How long will it take now? 

But hey, our 455th Transvestite POC Battalion looks spiffy in their berets and matching rainbow tunics. 

Things that make you say “hmmm”

It’s funny how things work. I took the car over to the tire store across the highway to get a leaky left rear fixed. $26 or so later I was on my way home. They said everything looked great. I found that strange since the dealership insisted when I was in there a couple of months ago my tires were shot — dangerously so. 

That proclamation instigated a most difficult conversation from me since I was promised by the lying salesman the Escape had new tires when we bought it in November. Oh, and I needed new brakes too. At thirty thousand miles. After much discussion and semi-unpleasantness (but no raising of voices) I got the brake job done gratis. I was presented a quote of nearly $900 for tires. I said I’d think on it. 

Somehow, a store whose very existence depends on replacing tires thought my tires looked fine. The dealership said failure was imminent.

My initial response to the dealer service department remains confirmed. I’ll never buy a car from them again. Either they are incompetent or they are crooks. There is no other option. 

I doubt I’ll even take it back to the dealer for the next oil change. 

Love and marriage

 Fred and Mary got married, but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred’s parent’s home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, “No”.
Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”
His mom replies, “I don’t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.”
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Are Fred and Mary up yet?”
She replies, “No.”
Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?”
His mom replies, “Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school.”
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, “Are Fred and Mary up yet?”
His mom says “No.”
He asks, “Do you know what I think?”
His Mom replies, “Ok, do tell me what you think?”
He says: “Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.”

What a waste

 In the coming days we will be flying the last of the Americans from Afghanistan, reminiscent Saigon circa 1975 style.  The Taliban will again be in charge. 

What did we get for our twenty year mission? How many lives were lost and destroyed? How much treasure did we take from the wallets of taxpayers, current and future? What did we accomplish? Much like our nearly two decade involvement in SE Asia, it seems all for naught. 

I suppose we can take solace in the idea that unlike the British we didn’t spend a century plus trying to tame that region. 

Edit:

Partying on Martha’s Vinyard with the Obama

I cannot believe I am still struggling to write the music post I started last Saturday. That is crazy for me. I’ve told you before, most of my posts are extemporaneous. Perhaps even impromptu. I sit down and write. The notion that I have worked on a post on and off for a week leaves me baffled. The problem is to do it right will fill a college blue book. We are talking mid-term paper effort. Frankly, I don’t want to put in that much work and anything else just won’t do the topic justice. 

The end result is the post will join the growing pile of draft post, hidden from electronic sunlight until my heirs publish them in an endless series of “lost works” anthologies after my famous self has returned to dust, like the cash-hungry heirs of Jimi Hendrix and Louis L’Amour have done. Seriously, how many times can you repackage the same old material and pass it off as something new? I see my family digging up the unpublished stuff cluttering the electronic draft folder, fading in old spiral notebooks, and on yellowing sheets of scrap paper. The public will no doubt demand it. 

What? Rest assured, I am confident my genius is going to be recognized and rewarded in my lifetime. The day is coming when I will be named by acclamation as Supreme Ruler and Potentate of all the Land, Water, and Atmosphere, Arbiter of all Things, and All Around Great Guy. This blog will be all the evidence needed to show people how to think, live, and behave. 

You are welcome. And if you stick around long enough you might even get to see the unrequited efforts hidden in the unpublished draft category. 

Oh, I got a new job. Back on the road. Outside sales. Not where I was financially. Above where I am. 

You really should always read through to the end of my bullshit.

Have a great Saturday.

Building to a crescendo

Red Light

 Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. Cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought, “I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red light.”

A few minutes later, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was mistaken. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and yet they went right through. She turned to the woman driving and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?”

Crap, I published yet another post without a title, but I fixed it now (sorta)

Lightning is flashing and thunder is rumbling to the south and east as I hunt and peck on the little iPad keyboard. According to the weather app, a thunderstorm cell is just a few miles away towards Indy, but it looks like it will miss me. Mostly.

I’m up early. Stuff on my mind. Plus I must have flexed my toes on my right foot in my sleep because a jolt of mild pain in my foot woke me up. Then, because I’m old and a man, I had to pee. By the time I grabbed the crutches and finally got to the bathroom, etc., I just stayed up. 

I’ve not watched a Cubs game since the big sell off. Big deal you mutter. I usually watch around 125-130 of the 162 game regular schedule. Yes, I watch a lot of baseball. I haven’t really even followed the daily box scores much. Ive done that since I was about eight or nine when I started doing it as I read the daily newspaper. I’ll get over it. It’s just going to take a couple of minutes.

I may have some big news to report later. You should probably check back often. Ten or twelve times today seems about right. You do that and I’ll get 45 or 50 hits today! 

In other news, I remember now why I hated second shift back when I worked it in 1986 or so. You get home too late and you go in too early to get anything done. My current 12:30-900 schedule really chops up the day. I feel like I haven’t had a decent meal in weeks. But paycheck.

The Republicans Charlie Browns are about to get Lucy’d with the “infrastructure “ football yet again. For supposed “career” politicians they are sure bad at politics. Oh, and don’t worry Senator Todd Young, we will not forget your role in bringing this boondoggle to the floor, even if you vote against it now. Too late. You should have studied what happened to Evan Bayh and Dick Luger when they betrayed their conservative Hoosier voters, you Rino turd.

Have a great Tuesday, amigos.

I am you and what I see is me

Sorry. I’m working on what is turning out to be a more difficult and lengthy post than I’d originally thought. Oh, it is nothing of earth shattering weightiness, just a discussion of music, but actual research needs to be done. To provide the background info may mean the post could turn into a series of posts and I’m not convinced either of us cares that much. 

Behind the curtain

I threw a very small ham steak in the skillet while I chopped a jalapeño from my garden into tiny bits. I stirred three eggs with the peppers and added some small bacon pieces from a jar. The real kind, not the artificial bacon bits. I flipped the ham and dropped it on my plate. I threw a little butter in the hot ham skillet and when it was melted and foamy I poured in the eggs. After a quick scramble I plated the eggs with the ham, sprinkled a little shredded co-jack cheese on top of the eggs and hobbled over to the table. The coffee was hot, the glass of milk was cold and breakfast was fit for a king. 

My kitchen is not large. The sink is on one wall with the stove, pantry, and refrigerator opposite. The right wall is cabinets and counter. The left is open to the family room and small eating area. The dining room we don’t use is behind the right wall. Luckily, there’s an island in the middle. Things are spaced just right where I can use the counters and island as sort of permanent crutches, where I swing around from sink to stove to island prep without too much trouble. Still, I’m hopping and swinging around on one leg. I can just reach the breakfast table from the island. 

I cleaned the mess. I balanced precariously on one leg as I loaded the dishwasher. Sated, tired, and done I grabbed my coffee, mounted my knee scooter and rolled over to the couch. 

I picked up my iPad and started typing. “I threw a very small ham steak in the skillet...”. 

Wise wisdom

Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket. You know you're not gonna win, but you're sure as hell gonna try.

Shut up Karen

Get vaccinated. Don’t. Your choice.

Don't expect me to mask up to protect you from yourself. 

Don’t expect me to believe the Biden* Administration really cares about protecting the American people when they let tens of thousands of illegals cross the border with no concern at all if they are a Covid infected or not. 

It’s all a Hypocrisy Theater for the gullible Karens who need something to fill their boring lives. 

Random Randy

 Randy was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it.
At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up.
In preparation for the next day’s test, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Randy got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, “Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it!
If you refuse it, they sneak in while you’re asleep and shove it up your ass!

upteenth update

I had my surgical follow up this morning. Everything seems to be healing nicely. The stitches were removed. I can now put up to fifty pounds of weight on my foot, as long as I have the boot on. So what, you say? That  helps me balance in the bathroom and as I get up to my crutches at the top of the stairs, etc. It will be a great help every time I transition from sitting to standing. In a pinch, I might be able to drive! 

In other news, I have nuthin’. Kim duToit has a very nice post this morning that pretty much sums up why my political rants are more infrequent these days. I am not sure if you want more politics from me or not. 

Have a great Monday. I have insurance bureaucrats to yell at. 

A bloke named Smokey

My brain skews a certain way, and usually it is the interpretation of a 13 year old. It is just the way it is. For instance I noticed a vanity plate on a vehicle in front of me the other day. I see stuff ‘cause I ain’t driving. How would you interpret this plate?

HDR PLS

Don’t let my potential juvenile translation color your answer. Let me note it was on a light blue minivan. What do you see?

We went and bought me some new work pants yesterday. It has been a long time since  I had to dress in business casual every day and three pairs of good pants weren’t cutting it. The wife had some good coupons for Kohl’s and the pants were on sale. 

I haven’t posted any music for a while. This was bouncing around in my head this morning. I know I said I would feature tunes from ‘71, but it is my blog until it’s not, so...

How about this version featuring the sexy Ms Boop?

Have a great Sunday