I can't believe I ate the whole thing

Artist rendering of the author after consuming the greatest sandwich in the universe

My arteries are crying, eating ice cream straight from the carton.

My cholesterol meds have surrendered like they were French.

My stomach and intestines are in stark open revolt.

My taste buds are sitting on the couch smoking. They have the pleasant glow of sexual satisfaction on their little taste bud faces. I caught one or two passing covert high fives.

You see, I ate the most awesome sandwich last night.  A fried porkburger patty, smothered in pulled pork, topped by bacon, and crowned with ham and melted cheddar cheese. The monster was about four inches tall and served on a hoagie bun.

I know.