December 31, 2005

WHOO HOOO

For many of you it is just a speck of a weeks traffic, but I hit my 10,000th visitor last night. If you are from the Ozark, Alabama vicinity, and were here at around 11:45 last night, COME ON DOWN, you get the 10K visitor grand prize.

Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for your indulgence for the last nine months or so. I have enjoyed your comments, and I finally have an outlet for my bad jokes, rants, opinions, and pictures. I will have my 500th post in a few weeks as well.

Have a good time tonight, drink up. I am sure those out of the loop will believe you are celebrating something as mundane as the turning of the calendar...I will know better. You are all going out to celebrate the 10,000th hit to Fat in Indiana. After all, it is all about ME!

Happy New Year

Keyboard Chia



This is how you know you have been off work too long.

December 30, 2005

A Most Disturbing Sight

Last night the little one went to the high school basketball game, the oldest boy went to an under 21 club and the daughter (home from college) went to Indy with some friends to see a movie.

The wife and I found ourselves alone at home. I had a few suggestions on how to spend the evening. She did too. None of hers involved nudity, corn oil or a twister game. She won out, and that is how I found myself at the store getting a few items for supper.

I grabbed a couple of T-Bones, some asparagus and some large potatoes for baking. But I saw the most disturbing thing...the store already had the Valentines Day decorations and candy out. It is not even New Years! We have now developed a marketing culture of one steady 8-month long Holiday.

You know what I mean. The famous labordayholloweenthanksgivingchristmasnewyearsvalentinessaintpatrick day holiday. It lasts from August until March. We get a month or two break as the marketers try to press July 4th (the single greatest holiday)white sales on us. Then it all starts again. I think I will boycott. Maybe I will just drink until I forget. No one is going to mass market me. I will just get my Superbowl commemorative glasses and enjoy the Bud Bowl.

December 26, 2005

I can't believe I ate the whole thing...

Well, I had a wonderful Christmas. The kids were pleased, I do not think they got anything they do not like. I got some new books, CDs and movies. A Colts shirt and new tie as well.

I fixed a nice turkey dinner last night, then we played Scene it and Trivial Pursuit last night.

We got a nice dusting of snow yesterday to round things off nicely.

Then I got up about 4 am. I have been puking until about an hour ago. I hope it is not my cooking, but no one else is sick. I was sure I was in serious trouble as I was puking copious amounts of blood. I was ready to get up my wife to take me to the hospital (bloody barf is bad, I believe), then I remembered I had a red cream soda earlier.

I still feel lousy though.

Hope your Christmas was good as well.

December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas

I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, A Rambunctious Ramadan, and to my agnostic/atheist readers...well, have a good day.

Thanks you for reading and I will post again after the big day -- at the latest.

My heart goes out

R.I.P James Dungy

I hope you find the peace and comfort you were seeking.
Please say a prayer for the Dungy family.

Sorority Barbie

December 22, 2005

Barbie Season

As it is Christmas time many young girls are asking Santa to bring Barbies, Barbie Clthes and Barbie stuff in general. I will post pictures in the coming days of several Barbies you may not know exist. (ht otter)

Here is Welfare Barbie:

December 21, 2005

Media Bias part deux

Like the title? See, even ignorant Hoosiers can drop a bit of parlez vous into the conversation -- and that brings us to the topic for today.

Just because we in the Midwest and south talk a bit slower or have an accent does not make us stupid. I am sure this is a bias many of my friends from down south face daily. For those of us in the Midwest we are targeted as well. Here is a flash for you Yankees in the Northeast (and southern people get it straight -- people from the Midwest and west are not and have never been Yankees. That is a term for people and assholes from New England), we do have TV, and plays, and museums, and art here in flyover country. We are able to grow your food, build your cars and appliances.

Is there an East Coast media bias? In politics that is clear. How about in sports? For the past several days there has been a concerted movement to place Tiki Barber and Tom Brady as the MVPs of the NFL. Both are fine players, but there are at least four players more deserving. Why are they not getting the press? They play for teams in the west and Midwest.

Carson Palmer has been the best QB in the league this year. Payton Manning has put up unbelievable numbers again. Shaun Alexander and LaDanian Thompson are better all around backs than Barber. Brady get the accolades because he has played well despite his team being riddled with injuries. If we are looking for the best quarterback on a bad or unsuccessful team we should certainly be looking at Brett Favre and Kurt Warner. As far as long-term success, it would be impossible not to look at Manning -- his numbers are astonishing unless you compare to last year. He has lead his team to a 13-1 start. Palmer has been simply brilliant.

Of course it may be a coincidence that bone of the guys listed play for teams in major media outlets. It may be a coincidence that both the SI and ESPN websites published articles yesterday hyping Barber and Brady. Right.

December 20, 2005

Tuesday Rant

I once received an award for a term paper I wrote in College. I will not make claims to its quality, but the research and writing the paper was a labor of love. The paper was titled "Censorship in War time : Justifications and Causes" or some other such bullshit, I really do not remember. I studied an episode in history, and compared the actual events to what was reported in the newspapers of the day. I made great efforts to make sure I used primary sources, secondary sources, and oral histories to see what really happened.

I compared the events of the Battle of the Bulge in WWII to what the reporters of the day told the public. The Battle of the Bulge or Ardennes Forrest was a pivotal moment in the history of warfare. The Allies came perilously close to collapsing. The war may have raged much longer than 6 more months with a German victory. I intended to write a little about this titanic battle fought in the freezing cold and snowy December 61 years ago, but current news events have influenced me to go on a different tangent.

When I did my comparison to actual events in the Ardennes Forest, I used articles from the NY Times as the basis for the "current" news reports. One could have made the argument (and I did) that as the TIMES went, so did the nation.

The idea of newspapers creating news rather than reporting it is not new. In fact the idea of a "neutral, unbiased" newspaper is far from the truth in our history. One only need to read the newspapers from the Revolutionary era, the Civil war or Reconstruction to see that newspapers took a clear position on the issues of the day. The reports from the beginning of the 20th Century are famous for their biases. The term 'yellow journalism" was coined to describe the editorial slant of the articles and the editorials pages in the time of the Spanish American War. It is only in modern times that journalism schools have preached the "objective reporter" school.

Not to get off the subject, but most of you know that reporters during WWII often did not report the facts of troop movements or impending battle plans. The reporters and newspapers knew our country was in a struggle for its very existence. During the Battle of the Bulge, the TIMES reported there was a minor skirmish in the Ardennes, when in fact the Germans had driven a salient nearly fifty miles into our lines. Days later they reported light casualties when it looked as if we were going to break, giving the Axis a clear path to our supply depots on the sea.

The morale and spirit of the homefront was essential to the war effort. The truth was printed weeks later, but only in small doses. The reporters often censored the news themselves. Was this right? I will leave it up to you, but my opinion is that in times of war sometimes extraordinary efforts are required.

That brings me to today. In recent decades it has become the philosophy of the TIMES andthe liberal media to become "gotcha" journalists. The sensationalism of the story is secondary to the scoop, and especially if it can be harmful to Conservative leaders. I find the publication of the Pentagon Papers to be one of the ultimate treasonous acts in the last 50 years, ranking with the selling of our nuclear secrets by the Rosenbergs (yes Ethel I think you betrayed our country with your Jello boxes).

The Times has continued its policy of hurting America's war efforts into this century. The over reporting and sensationalism associated with the Abu Gharib "tortures" (I was "tortured worse in Fraternity hazings) and now the "spy scandal" reports have done much to hurt our Nation's credibility and war efforts. The irresponsible Newsweek reports got people killed over lies of Koran desecration. The TIMES jumped on that bandwagon too.

I do not have a big problem with newspapers taking a political stand. As we discussed above, that has been the norm for centuries. My complaint is the Times and liberal media pretends they do not have a bias. Dan Rather preferred humiliation and "retirement" as opposed to admitting shoddy journalism and extreme bias.

When reporting begins to hurt National Security and make it easier for those who wish harm on our country we are bordering on treason. We are at war. Our Nation's survival has not been graver danger since that cold December 61 years ago in Belgium. Not only does the article headlines cover a half-truth that Senators and Congressmen were briefed on the domestic spying activities, but the courts did approve of the activity. A half truth is more lie than truth, and a lie is a lie. Shame on you New York Times, to put your circulation, your political bias, your hatred for GW Bush, and yes -- America-- before the the rights of those who want to destroy our country. The real irony is that if our enemies get their way, the news outlets will be the first to loose their freedoms.

I am not the first, and many will say it more clearly, but if you have such a hatred of this country feel free to relocate. Name one place on Earth with more freedom, more prosperity, more to offer its citizens. Our Government has many shortfalls, our President has made mistakes. Doing your best to destroy him personally at the expense of our ongoing freedoms is reprehensible. The saddest aspect is that much of the venom and hatred found on the left is spite. It is an effort to repay the Conservative base for the charges against Clinton. Let us not forget that he was not impeached for having tryst. Clinton was impeached for committing perjury, to lying under oath in a court of law. The chant of the liberal left is "Bush lied, people died". He made the same charges against Iraq as his predecessor, and Germany, and France, and the UN. Yet somehow the PROVEN liar, Wm Clinton, is made out to be a martyr, yet a Bush is called the liar. Alice, where is the rabbit hole?

I do NOT heart NY

If you live in New York City I am sure you have better access to museums, plays, and a wide variety of shopping and dining choices. You also have more crime, cramped housing, homeless, parking troubles, and higher costs of living. You also have mimes, that alone is enough to make me declare the following.

I am sure I speak for many when I say I do not care if your transit workers are on strike. I do not care about your internal problems at all. What happens in your liberal tax hole are as important to me a the municipal elections in Altoona , PA. Just because you live there, writers and readers of the news does not make your city a story. Let it go, it should not dominate the entire news cast.

Every person I have met from or in NYC is a liberal, self-centered asshat. The sun neither rises nor sets on you dirty cramped streets. Get over yourselves.

edit: OK, everyone except Moonbattie, and maybe this one guy who lives down on Hester Street...

December 19, 2005

Democrat Buttheads

I received this in an Email from Otter:

For Our Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year





For Our Democrat Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

December 17, 2005

weekend cartoon

I have a bunch of these sent by Otter


December 16, 2005

Tough enough for lunch?

I wrote about my high school friend Jeff the other day. One time I was at his house and he asked me if I wanted to go with him to buy a gun. I had nothing else to do so we hopped on his motorcycle and headed off. We went to the rendering plant to see a guy his cousin knew (welcome to the rural Midwest) who had a gun for sale.

For those of you who do not know what a rendering plant is I will try to explain. The FDA has strict rules on the condition a farm animal must be in to be sold as meat. The first criteria is that the animal must be alive prior to slaughter. The animal can be only of a certain age and cannot have sores, broken legs etc. Of course there are horses, mules, goats and other animals that are usually not popular cuts of meat in this country. A rendering plant takes those animals and basically boils them down for other uses. They collect the hides for leather goods and grind the bones for meal. You get the picture. I can remember as a boy seeing the trucks go through town with the legs and heads of animals sticking out the tarp covered top of the dump truck.

We arrived at the rendering plant around 11:00 as Jeff had agreed. The smell was rancid as the dead and decaying animals were cooked into glue and fat. We soon found Gary, the guy with the gun. He was outside the open doors to the plant eating his lunch. He was sitting on a dead horse. His brown lunch bag was open next him. It too was laying on the horse. He ate a soggy bologna sandwich with one hand as he reached into the bag for chips with the other. A thermos was open at his feet. Gary greeted Jeff an me like old buddies and offered us a drink from his Thermos. I politely declined.

After some chit chat, we went to his car to look at the gun. By now the smell had begun to eat away at my sinuses, I could taste the decaying flesh on my tongue. I was beyond nauseous, I was dizzy and ill. Jeff completed the purchase and we climbed back on his bike. I held the gun by the action and supported the but on my thigh, just like the Duke riding shotgun. As we traveled back to town the fresh air finally cleared my head. I imagine we were a sight cruising through the countryside; gun at the ready. We were modern day cowboys on posse hunt. Well, maybe that should read pussy hunt -- I was 16!

Open letter to the ladies

This is an open letter to all women, especially those between 50 and 70 years of age. It is directed specifically to the 60ish lady with the purple dyed hair who parked two spaces down from me at lunch.

If I can smell you perfume from 15 feet away it is too strong. This is especially true if we are outdoors. Purple-hair lady, you may think you are hot with your knee high rubber boots and split skirt. Who am I to judge, but your perfume nearly gagged me. I do not know who you are trying to catch, but that scent will only attract fruit bats. My goodness, do you stink so bad you need to cover your rancid stench? Try bathing.

Look, I guess some people may be attracted by perfumes and colognes. They make me woozy and sneezy and teary-eyed. Nothing can ruin a meal or a movie than some whored up and perfumed old woman infecting the air with a roses and rancid roadkill eau de cologne (that means smelly water in French).

For my opinion (valuable to all of discerning taste), the decaying fish, flowers, and fruit smell of perfume is far more clingy and annoying than cigarette smoke. Lets try creating a no-perfume section at Applebee's. Are you listening nanny-state lawmakers?
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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