November 30, 2006
Breaking News.
Former Senate Leader Bill Frist says he is not running for President. Neither am I, since our chances of winning are roughly the same -- ZERO.
Post Number One -- Starting Over
A few weeks ago I made up my mind that when I hit 1,000 posts I was done with this blog. I even had it all planned. Number 999 would be a reprint of my first entry and I would title the entry "My First" and number 1000 would be titled "My Last". Always the drama queen, am I. Stick with me here, this is not going to be the "poor me" post I drop in every few weeks.
You see, I thought this blog was not going anywhere. My writing skills were not getting better, my entries were becoming increasingly lame. I just could not get over the hump, readership was a steady 60-70 per day, never growing. Links stayed steady as well. I saw blogs that had far fewer posts, and in my opinion drastically inferior content were way more popular. I was jealous and angry. I firmly believed that if you build it they will come. They weren't and I was sulking.
All my life I have been an Average Joe. In high school I would have been voted most forgettable. I never was with the "in crowd" yet I was not shunned by them. I could talk with the "hoods" and even occasionally hung out with the "party guys". I was not a great athlete, nor was I the fat guy bringing up the rear in the Phys Ed runs. Not good looking, but not a pimple faced ogre either. Incredibly average. I am the same in life: married, kids, job, debt, taxes.
Here I was in the blog world, I do not belong to a certain group, yet I am acknowledged by many different blog "circles". I felt I was like generic shampoo, wash, rinse repeat. There I was looking for a pity party, Poor me, no one notices me.
I could not bring myself to end it. Hey, we all want to be liked. I enjoy this hobby. But to be honest, I amuse the Hell out of me. Ain't that what it is all about? So what if people who never post have a higher ecosystem rating? Is that really how I measure my worth? I have some great readers who visit every day. There are plenty of bloggers who would be pleased to get 70 hits a day.
Then today, I read an entry that really speaks to me, not just in relation to blogging, but my life in general.Eric at SWG provided the perspective I was sorely needing:
I do not know what inner voice prompted that fine bit of wordsmithing. I do know that God works in mysterious ways, and that prose spoke to me. Here we are in the midst of the Season of Happiness, and I was pouting, looking for reasons to complain or be angry. All told, my blessings far outway my problems. Like Bing sings in my favorite movie, "I have plenty to be Thankful for..."
What does this long rambling post have to do with anything? Well, you will continue to see my poorly composed drivel. Just not next week. Stop in, peruse, comments are welcome. Link if you want. Or don't -- me and Gloria Gaynor will survive. Read between the lines, this post is not about blogging. It is about life, and a sad comment on how I have been living it. That, my friends, is going to change.
Thanks, Eric, for a much needed reality check.
You see, I thought this blog was not going anywhere. My writing skills were not getting better, my entries were becoming increasingly lame. I just could not get over the hump, readership was a steady 60-70 per day, never growing. Links stayed steady as well. I saw blogs that had far fewer posts, and in my opinion drastically inferior content were way more popular. I was jealous and angry. I firmly believed that if you build it they will come. They weren't and I was sulking.
All my life I have been an Average Joe. In high school I would have been voted most forgettable. I never was with the "in crowd" yet I was not shunned by them. I could talk with the "hoods" and even occasionally hung out with the "party guys". I was not a great athlete, nor was I the fat guy bringing up the rear in the Phys Ed runs. Not good looking, but not a pimple faced ogre either. Incredibly average. I am the same in life: married, kids, job, debt, taxes.
Here I was in the blog world, I do not belong to a certain group, yet I am acknowledged by many different blog "circles". I felt I was like generic shampoo, wash, rinse repeat. There I was looking for a pity party, Poor me, no one notices me.
I could not bring myself to end it. Hey, we all want to be liked. I enjoy this hobby. But to be honest, I amuse the Hell out of me. Ain't that what it is all about? So what if people who never post have a higher ecosystem rating? Is that really how I measure my worth? I have some great readers who visit every day. There are plenty of bloggers who would be pleased to get 70 hits a day.
Then today, I read an entry that really speaks to me, not just in relation to blogging, but my life in general.Eric at SWG provided the perspective I was sorely needing:
I’ve heard it said before that life is full of disappointments…. I call bullshit on that one…. Life is full of whatever you put into it…. disappointments are a product of a selfish mind…… … don’t wish for too much… wish for just enough…. And when you don’t get that little bit of “just enough”, shake your head, smile, and say towards heaven….. “maybe tomorrow”…..… because otherwise, you are going to be one miserable son-of-a-bitch…..
I do not know what inner voice prompted that fine bit of wordsmithing. I do know that God works in mysterious ways, and that prose spoke to me. Here we are in the midst of the Season of Happiness, and I was pouting, looking for reasons to complain or be angry. All told, my blessings far outway my problems. Like Bing sings in my favorite movie, "I have plenty to be Thankful for..."
What does this long rambling post have to do with anything? Well, you will continue to see my poorly composed drivel. Just not next week. Stop in, peruse, comments are welcome. Link if you want. Or don't -- me and Gloria Gaynor will survive. Read between the lines, this post is not about blogging. It is about life, and a sad comment on how I have been living it. That, my friends, is going to change.
Thanks, Eric, for a much needed reality check.
November 29, 2006
I want to be a lion tamer
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is an older retired navy chief petty officer in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous young blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first."
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her, and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor.
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."
He then turns to the retired chief and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old chief replies, "Sure,no problem, just get that damned lion out of the way."
This was my 1,000th post. I bet you thought you would get something with a little more substance, huh?
One is an older retired navy chief petty officer in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous young blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first."
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her, and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor.
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."
He then turns to the retired chief and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old chief replies, "Sure,no problem, just get that damned lion out of the way."
This was my 1,000th post. I bet you thought you would get something with a little more substance, huh?
Stupid Commercials
I have posted often about my disdain for the Travelocity Gnome commercials. The series that gives purported "travel truths" especially annoys me. The first instance busts a popular travel myth, the second myth is proven true by the gnome. What kind of message does this send to the unwary consumer? To me it says the gnome is a fucking liar and I should not trust Travelocity. What do you get from the commercial?
Now I have a new hated ad. Do you have Osterman Jewelry in your area? I think they are a national chain. In the spot that chaps my ass, a girl is describing her fiance's method of surprising her with the engagement ring. He put it in the microwave. She gushes that she "almost cooked it". I am not sure why this pisses me off so much, but every microwave I have ever seen you have to open the door to insert the dish to be nuked. Didn't this dumb gash see the little box? What did she do, say top herself as she shut the door, "I wonder what that little box was?" Did she reconsider as she pushed the key pad to set the time and temperature? Of course the whole thing is a petty lie, and she pisses me off because no one is so dumb they almost "cooked" a ring unless they are a stupid wench. The actress should have refused the work on general principal -- the ad is stupid and senseless.
The other one that set me off today also belongs to a Jeweler, the Shane Company. The moron that intones the ads is lame and boring, but today I swear he said gogleing (rhymes with the 'o' in bottle) instead of googleing (as in 'booty'). Maybe I heard it wrong, so I will not go further until I hear the ad again. Have you heard that one?
Finally, I am rocked to the core, first Jessica Simpson broke up with her husband. Then I hear Brittany Spears texted a break up with her man. Now, the most shocking and unexpected news" Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have called it quits. Man, I thought that one was made in Heaven...
What Ho, didja miss me?
I am back from a quick trip to the Quad Cities. Work sometimes gets in the way of my hobbies. The trip was boring and uneventful. Such is life. This time of year is tough, no one wants a visit from a pesky salesman. I should just take off from Thanksgiving through the second week of January. Some customers are trying to finish up year-end projects, others are just looking to get through the Holidays. So little real work gets done. I have one contract extension I really want to get done prior to year end, if I can get the customer to cooperate. Funny, people are just not in the mood to negotiate in December. Perhaps all the personal expenditures and shopping dampens the mood?
I have started to reread the Cannon, as the Aubrey /Maturin novels are called by those in the "know". If you have not read this series, you are missing out on some damn fine literature, storytelling, and adventure.
It is now after midnight, I will get another post off in the morning.
I have started to reread the Cannon, as the Aubrey /Maturin novels are called by those in the "know". If you have not read this series, you are missing out on some damn fine literature, storytelling, and adventure.
It is now after midnight, I will get another post off in the morning.
November 27, 2006
Old Number 996
I am in a weird mood today. I am not depressed, but I find I have little motivation to do anything. I do not want to work, I do not want to blog, or read blogs. I have to drive to Iowa for a meeting tomorrow morning, so today's work will be done while looking through a dirty windshield. I may leave in a few hours, I may leave this evening. I have a sales meeting next week and my presentation is not done. I really do not feel like working on it either. Take a mental note -- there will be little or no posts next week, I have to go to New Yawk for said sales meeting. Whoo Whoo. I am so thrilled Icould jump up and down and spit out wooden nickles.
Listless, that is the word that describes my mood. I do not even feel like listening to music, so you know I must be in a funk.
The day started poorly. I opened my eyes to discover it was 6:40. The boys have to leave for school at 7:00. I guess I turned off the alarm and overslept. I jumped from bed and ran to their room to get them up. They were less than thrilled. I drove the little one and the oldest boy hopefully made it on time.
I got the house all decorated over the weekend. I am convinced the wife wants me to break my neck and die. Why else would she insist I put lights on a roof so steep you cannot stand on it? Does this look safe? Crawling up a roof clinging to the side is not my idea of fun. My 15' extension ladder is nowhere near tall enough to reach. Embiggen the picture and you will see there are lights on both gables. The wreath looks tiny, it looked great above the garage on the old house. Now it looks kind of pathetic (BTW it is more than three foot in diameter). The place looks great, but it is hard to get all Christmasy when it is in the mid 60s. I am not sure how the folks in the south do it. We have had a white Christmas for the last several years, and I hope we get another this year. The weather guy says it will be 67 degrees on Wednesday, and we will have snow by Thursday. You have to love the Midwest!
How about those Colts? Edgerrin who? I bet he wishes he would have taken a pay cut and stayed where he had a good offensive line.
Listless, that is the word that describes my mood. I do not even feel like listening to music, so you know I must be in a funk.
The day started poorly. I opened my eyes to discover it was 6:40. The boys have to leave for school at 7:00. I guess I turned off the alarm and overslept. I jumped from bed and ran to their room to get them up. They were less than thrilled. I drove the little one and the oldest boy hopefully made it on time.
I got the house all decorated over the weekend. I am convinced the wife wants me to break my neck and die. Why else would she insist I put lights on a roof so steep you cannot stand on it? Does this look safe? Crawling up a roof clinging to the side is not my idea of fun. My 15' extension ladder is nowhere near tall enough to reach. Embiggen the picture and you will see there are lights on both gables. The wreath looks tiny, it looked great above the garage on the old house. Now it looks kind of pathetic (BTW it is more than three foot in diameter). The place looks great, but it is hard to get all Christmasy when it is in the mid 60s. I am not sure how the folks in the south do it. We have had a white Christmas for the last several years, and I hope we get another this year. The weather guy says it will be 67 degrees on Wednesday, and we will have snow by Thursday. You have to love the Midwest!How about those Colts? Edgerrin who? I bet he wishes he would have taken a pay cut and stayed where he had a good offensive line.
November 26, 2006
November 25, 2006
November 24, 2006
Why Libertarians will always lose
I agree with nearly all of the Libertarian positions. Small government, low taxes, etc. There position on drugs, border security and defense are unworkable. I once heard a Libertarian proclaim that the Federal Roads were unconstitutional.
The biggest reason is they will be no different than the current crop of tax and spenders that inhabit both parties. The act of one Libertarian jerk has soured me forever. Steve Osburn who lost the Senatorial election for Indiana to Richard Lugar has asked for a recount. Of course this recount will be at taxpayer expense.
He lost by more than one million votes. Jackass.
The biggest reason is they will be no different than the current crop of tax and spenders that inhabit both parties. The act of one Libertarian jerk has soured me forever. Steve Osburn who lost the Senatorial election for Indiana to Richard Lugar has asked for a recount. Of course this recount will be at taxpayer expense.
He lost by more than one million votes. Jackass.
November 23, 2006
November 22, 2006
Freedom
Let me point out right at the outset that Michael Richards, who played Cosmo Kramer in Seinfeld, is a jerk, a bigot, and untalented as a stand up comedian. His now-famous racial diatribe was inexcusable and disgusting.
I saw the some of the folks he abused on the Today Show this morning. They appeared with their lawyer. Why am I not surprised? According to the "victims" they were assaulted verbally and insulted when Richards repeatedly called them "Mexicans and Niggers". Apparently a group of about 20 people arrived late for the show, entering the comedy club in the middle of Richard's act. As could be expected, that large of a group created quite a disruption, especially when they begin to order drinks. They then began to heckle the comedian. The disruption angered Richards who called them rude and a bunch of niggers. The ensuing fracas was captured on video, including the "victims" making their own racial slurs.
Note:I am sorry if I offended anyone by actually typing the dreaded "n word", I guess, like "you know who" in the Harry Potter series, we cannot say or write that word, even when reporting.
See paragraph one again.
No person in this country has the right to not be offended. Political Correctness is not yet the law of the land. We are all free to utter the worst slurs imaginable. There does not exist a right, either Constitutionally or God-given, to live a life free of offense. Only in the hippie world of flowers and orgasms for peace does a world where we all just get by on love exist.
Look, calling a person a racial epithet is wrong and disgusting. In a perfect world it would not happen. In a perfect world terrorist would not blow up buses and restaurants.
The PC police have gone too far when they want to sue because a person was called something he did not like. I guess Richards can counter sue for being called a derisive term for white people? Illegals do not want to be called illegals, because that connotes they may have broken a law. Well, duh. Islamic Terrorist do not want to be called Islamic Terrorists, I guess we should call them Christian terrorists (that idea would appeal to the NY Times!).
Look, call me what you like. A cracker, redneck, whatever. Like Underdog taught us: sticks and stones, people, sticks and stones. Evil and unpleasantness confront us every day. God's will it were not true. Bigots exist, of all colors. Evil exists. Pain and suffering exists. We cannot make it go away by wishing it away, and suing it away will not work either.
Take a look at this situation and I will tell you why most of us hate lawyers. These, individuals lost all my sympathy the second they decided they were "owed" for being insulted and hired an attorney. Suck it up and move on.
I saw the some of the folks he abused on the Today Show this morning. They appeared with their lawyer. Why am I not surprised? According to the "victims" they were assaulted verbally and insulted when Richards repeatedly called them "Mexicans and Niggers". Apparently a group of about 20 people arrived late for the show, entering the comedy club in the middle of Richard's act. As could be expected, that large of a group created quite a disruption, especially when they begin to order drinks. They then began to heckle the comedian. The disruption angered Richards who called them rude and a bunch of niggers. The ensuing fracas was captured on video, including the "victims" making their own racial slurs.
Note:I am sorry if I offended anyone by actually typing the dreaded "n word", I guess, like "you know who" in the Harry Potter series, we cannot say or write that word, even when reporting.
See paragraph one again.
No person in this country has the right to not be offended. Political Correctness is not yet the law of the land. We are all free to utter the worst slurs imaginable. There does not exist a right, either Constitutionally or God-given, to live a life free of offense. Only in the hippie world of flowers and orgasms for peace does a world where we all just get by on love exist.
Look, calling a person a racial epithet is wrong and disgusting. In a perfect world it would not happen. In a perfect world terrorist would not blow up buses and restaurants.
The PC police have gone too far when they want to sue because a person was called something he did not like. I guess Richards can counter sue for being called a derisive term for white people? Illegals do not want to be called illegals, because that connotes they may have broken a law. Well, duh. Islamic Terrorist do not want to be called Islamic Terrorists, I guess we should call them Christian terrorists (that idea would appeal to the NY Times!).
Look, call me what you like. A cracker, redneck, whatever. Like Underdog taught us: sticks and stones, people, sticks and stones. Evil and unpleasantness confront us every day. God's will it were not true. Bigots exist, of all colors. Evil exists. Pain and suffering exists. We cannot make it go away by wishing it away, and suing it away will not work either.
Take a look at this situation and I will tell you why most of us hate lawyers. These, individuals lost all my sympathy the second they decided they were "owed" for being insulted and hired an attorney. Suck it up and move on.
November 21, 2006
Coins
I see the Government is at it again, pushing another dollar coin down our throats. I venture this effort will be greeted with the same excitement that was generated by the two dollar bill, the Susan B Anthony and the Sacajawea dollar -- none. Coin collectors will be all abuzz, and I am sure my Mom will try and get one of every President to give my Kids.
I will not use it. You probably will not either. On my dresser resides a jar full of change. Periodically I take it to the bank or grocery to trade the coins for dollar bills -- yep, paper money. I detest the rattle and bang of coins in my pocket. They are heavy and noisy. I empty the change into the jar at every opportunity. Often I need a few pennies, but I would rather get ninety seven cents back than carry around the spare change.
I have been to Europe and Canada, where men have to carry special change purses and wallets to accommodate the heavy lower denomination coins. They hate. So did I. As evidence, I would rather wait in line at the post office than use the stupid vending machines in the lobby that only give out Sacajawea change.
So my not so bold prediction -- this coin will lay in the vaults at the US mint, unloved and unwanted next to his cousins the Ike and Kennedy Dollar and Half Dollar, the Susan B. and Indian Princess. They will be there in their canvass sacks clinking and lonely until the Government forces us to abandon the beloved greenback dollar. That will only happen when they stop printing them.
Write your Congressmen and Senator and tell them you are sick of the mint and its stupid tax-payer wasting ideas. Of course, short of hitting the crooked politicians with a bag of one dollar coins, I doubt they will listen.
Thanksgiving History
As is my wont, I have been doing a little research into the Pilgrims and the First Thanksgiving. The feast for giving thanks was a great success. After the meal Miles Standish stood to give the after dinner toast:
"Thanks to everyone for a great meal, especially the women. Can we get a hand for the chicks, Guys? Just a word to Felicity and Sarah Hankins, though; next year we would like something more substantial from your larder than turkey hot dogs and that nearly empty bottle of Wild Turkey."
"On a quick programing note, some of the athletic contests will not be seen unless you have a direct communication with the heavens this year. I suggest hanging a dish from the thatch of your roof"
Finally, a word to my Native American friends. Thanks for making this feast such a success. I know we will make this a yearly tradition. I forsee such popularity that in the future you will probably need reservations."
"Thank you and good night."
November 20, 2006
When I am Kiiing of the Forrrrest
Medium is defined as the one in the middle. If you offer a medium drink, by definition doesn't there have to be a size smaller? Most of us would call that a "small". Why do restaraunts insist on calling the smallest drink, pizza, whatever a "medium"? Instead, they offer medium, large and extra large.
When I am King, such idiocy will be punished with firing squads using "medium" sized bullets.
When I am King, such idiocy will be punished with firing squads using "medium" sized bullets.
November 19, 2006
Colts vs Cowboys
I do not know who will win, I suspect the Colts will outscore the Cowboys. ido know this the folks at ESPN.com are high on something. They have rated the Cowboys as superior in every catagory for this game: coaching, offense, defense, special teams and QUARTERBACK. Romo is no Manning, of that I am sure.
That very abalysis by ESPN brings their whole view into question.
That very abalysis by ESPN brings their whole view into question.
November 18, 2006
Dear Republican Party
Good God, are you people stupid? The American people sent you a message. Polls show the vast majority of Americans view themselves as CONSERVATIVE. You failed to govern in a Conservative manner over the last two to four years. The opposition party won the last election, capturing the House and the Senate. They accomplished this not by having an agenda, plans, or vision. They did it because they WERE NOT YOU. Republican leadership in Congress responds by voting the same group of individuals who did such a piss poor job of running the Government prior, back into leadership positions. You will wonder how the Democrats win the Presidency in 2008. Voters gave you the answer. You were too dumb, too caught up with you existing power structure to listen.
It has been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results. I don't think I am crazy. I will not trust you any more to do the right thing. Say goodbye to my vote. I have voted for THREE Democrats in my life. Two of them were when my neighbor ran for coroner. I have voted Republican for 26 years. Not any more.
Unless you find a TRUE CONSERVATIVE to run for President I will stand by and let the country elect a Democrat, even if it is Hilary.
AS REPUBLICANS YOU HAVE FAILED TO PUT AND KEEP OUR COUNTRY ON THE RIGHT PATH. YOU SHOW NO INCLINATION TO CHANGE. IT IS CLEAR THERE IS NOTHING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN DO EXCEPT WATCH AS POLITICS AS USUAL DESTROY OUR COUNTRY FROM WITHIN AND OPEN THE DOORS FOR ENEMIES WITHOUT.
What is truly sad, is the Libertarians will never be elected with their weak on defense, weak on border security and strong on drug use policies. Is there a Conservative Party? Where are the Whigs? The general election did not depress me. The vote to continue down the same old Republican path does.
It has been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results. I don't think I am crazy. I will not trust you any more to do the right thing. Say goodbye to my vote. I have voted for THREE Democrats in my life. Two of them were when my neighbor ran for coroner. I have voted Republican for 26 years. Not any more.
Unless you find a TRUE CONSERVATIVE to run for President I will stand by and let the country elect a Democrat, even if it is Hilary.
AS REPUBLICANS YOU HAVE FAILED TO PUT AND KEEP OUR COUNTRY ON THE RIGHT PATH. YOU SHOW NO INCLINATION TO CHANGE. IT IS CLEAR THERE IS NOTHING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN DO EXCEPT WATCH AS POLITICS AS USUAL DESTROY OUR COUNTRY FROM WITHIN AND OPEN THE DOORS FOR ENEMIES WITHOUT.
What is truly sad, is the Libertarians will never be elected with their weak on defense, weak on border security and strong on drug use policies. Is there a Conservative Party? Where are the Whigs? The general election did not depress me. The vote to continue down the same old Republican path does.
For my friends in "da Region"
This was sent to me in an email. I do not know if the stereotypes are right or not.
Mattel has introduced Barbie dolls for different regions and towns in
Northwest Indiana.. Be sure to show your Hoosier pride and collect them all!!
Portage Barbie
This version has it all; tattoo of a snake on her upper thigh, every eye
shadow shade Maybelline has ever made, a can of Aqua Net, and two sets of
keys for her double-wide. Optional accessories: Sidewalks and a pick up.
Bumper sticker that says "My kid can beat up your honors student" sold
separately.
Lowell Barbie
This model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt,
big hair, a six pack of Coors Light, and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She
can spit over 5 feet and can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk.
A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Hammond Barbie
Comes complete with four
monogrammed bowling shirts. Talking version brags of having the best
handicap in Lake County and of being able to drink Ken under the
table. Accessories include a six-pack of
Pabst Blue Ribbon, a pack of Marlboro Lights, Harley wardrobe, and an IROC Camaro with T-tops on crates in the driveway.
East Chicago Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows
and, my favorite, Meth Lab Ken.
Talking version also speaks Spanish and includes two sons: Cesar, star of
his high school soccer team; and Jose, wanted in four states.
Valpo Barbie
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus, BMW, or a
Hummer H2, gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or
post-secondary education.
Cell phone sold separately. Optional: matching gym outfit.
Briar Ridge Barbie
This true blonde drives a Land Rover (sold
separately ). She is originally from Illinois' noth shore. She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked
outside the home. Her child's stroller is bigger than your house and her
tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She
knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny.
St. John Barbie
This Barbie and her husband "Kenneth" used to live in the south suburbs of Chicago, but fled for "better schools." Comes with a faux Louis Vuitton
handbag, a new Convertible Beetle, Starbucks
cup, Target credit card, pill case filled with an assortment of the latest therapist-prescribed mood elevators. Lake Central sweatshirt and furniture for her 3,500 square foot house sold on special order.
..
Crown Point Barbie
This is a grown-up version of Barbie with three ki ds, all of whom got
straight A's in school, 36's on the ACT, and college scholarships because
they were the best on the team. Includes blowhard husband Ken, who is
seen and heard at every little league game; daughter Amber, head
cheerleader; and son Ken, Jr., the captain of the football team.
The standard version comes with a Ford Windstar, and an assortment of Kate Spade knockoffs bought at a house party.The talking version says "Not MY kid. He wouldn't do that," The deluxe version comes with faux fur and a home in White Hawk that
will never be paid off in their lifetime.
Gary Barbie
This bee-tch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbies in the
back, $500 coach bag, and seven children (sold separately).
Goes by the name of Barbeequa and for one low price, includes all of her
sistahs: Midgeequa, Jauneequa, Shaneequa, Taneequa,and Lulu; and all of
her brothers, Leroy, Willie (gold toof extra), Tyro ne 'n em. Bling-bling sold separately.
Dyer Barbie
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair,
arch-less feet, Berkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Second version comes with a boy haircut, brown-highlighted hair, Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt and cargos, combat
boots and a pitbull.
Mattel has introduced Barbie dolls for different regions and towns in
Northwest Indiana.. Be sure to show your Hoosier pride and collect them all!!
Portage Barbie
This version has it all; tattoo of a snake on her upper thigh, every eye
shadow shade Maybelline has ever made, a can of Aqua Net, and two sets of
keys for her double-wide. Optional accessories: Sidewalks and a pick up.
Bumper sticker that says "My kid can beat up your honors student" sold
separately.
Lowell Barbie
This model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt,
big hair, a six pack of Coors Light, and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She
can spit over 5 feet and can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk.
A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Hammond Barbie
Comes complete with four
monogrammed bowling shirts. Talking version brags of having the best
handicap in Lake County and of being able to drink Ken under the
table. Accessories include a six-pack of
Pabst Blue Ribbon, a pack of Marlboro Lights, Harley wardrobe, and an IROC Camaro with T-tops on crates in the driveway.
East Chicago Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows
and, my favorite, Meth Lab Ken.
Talking version also speaks Spanish and includes two sons: Cesar, star of
his high school soccer team; and Jose, wanted in four states.
Valpo Barbie
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus, BMW, or a
Hummer H2, gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or
post-secondary education.
Cell phone sold separately. Optional: matching gym outfit.
Briar Ridge Barbie
This true blonde drives a Land Rover (sold
separately ). She is originally from Illinois' noth shore. She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked
outside the home. Her child's stroller is bigger than your house and her
tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She
knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny.
St. John Barbie
This Barbie and her husband "Kenneth" used to live in the south suburbs of Chicago, but fled for "better schools." Comes with a faux Louis Vuitton
handbag, a new Convertible Beetle, Starbucks
cup, Target credit card, pill case filled with an assortment of the latest therapist-prescribed mood elevators. Lake Central sweatshirt and furniture for her 3,500 square foot house sold on special order.
..
Crown Point Barbie
This is a grown-up version of Barbie with three ki ds, all of whom got
straight A's in school, 36's on the ACT, and college scholarships because
they were the best on the team. Includes blowhard husband Ken, who is
seen and heard at every little league game; daughter Amber, head
cheerleader; and son Ken, Jr., the captain of the football team.
The standard version comes with a Ford Windstar, and an assortment of Kate Spade knockoffs bought at a house party.The talking version says "Not MY kid. He wouldn't do that," The deluxe version comes with faux fur and a home in White Hawk that
will never be paid off in their lifetime.
Gary Barbie
This bee-tch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbies in the
back, $500 coach bag, and seven children (sold separately).
Goes by the name of Barbeequa and for one low price, includes all of her
sistahs: Midgeequa, Jauneequa, Shaneequa, Taneequa,and Lulu; and all of
her brothers, Leroy, Willie (gold toof extra), Tyro ne 'n em. Bling-bling sold separately.
Dyer Barbie
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair,
arch-less feet, Berkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Second version comes with a boy haircut, brown-highlighted hair, Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt and cargos, combat
boots and a pitbull.
November 17, 2006
Friday Five
Hey, blame Freddie. She asked for it.
Here is this week's Friday Five. With the Holidays coming up we will move right into the Christmas season. Name your five favorite Christmas /Holiday movies.
Here are my choices, in no particular order:
Holiday Inn
White Christmas
The Grinch (cartoon version)
Christmas with the Kranks
The Santa Clause
A Christmas Story
I know, that is six, but it is my blog,
Freddie, tune in tommorrow I will have a joke about "da Region". You may or miy not find it amusing.
Here is this week's Friday Five. With the Holidays coming up we will move right into the Christmas season. Name your five favorite Christmas /Holiday movies.
Here are my choices, in no particular order:
Holiday Inn
White Christmas
The Grinch (cartoon version)
Christmas with the Kranks
The Santa Clause
A Christmas Story
I know, that is six, but it is my blog,
Freddie, tune in tommorrow I will have a joke about "da Region". You may or miy not find it amusing.
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