A bit of everything

G. Gordon Liddy has passed. The Watergate mastermind, actor and talk show host was always one of my favorite listens back in the day. I preferred his bombast over Rush. Of all the accounts of the Watergate burglary, I think his is most accurate. Liddy accepted his role and wasn’t trying to make himself look better or unsmirch his reputation like John Dean did. Sure, Liddy was crazy. But he was entertaining. And often right about things. Look up some of his “debates” with Timothy Leary for examples.

Here is one of my favorites from the Moody Blues:

Ok, I did the “massive” research for you.

What Time has wrought

I was perusing scrapbooks rescued from my Dad's house. I ran across an old photo from more than 40 years ago.

Now sporting much thinner and grayer hair, that smooth skin has been replaced by wrinkles and spots, but yup, it was me as a senior in high school. This one was Mom's favorite from my Senior pictures

Ordinary Average Guy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down to the keyboard to write. An author should write about something he knows. The thing is, I don’t want to write non fiction. I don’t have the patience nor the time for the endless research. Besides, real historians have covered any topic I might find interesting ad nauseam.

If I look to my own life, I find little inspiration. I am truly the epitome of the ordinary average Joe. I wasn’t picked on in high school. Prom was nothing special; a dance in the high school cafeteria where I wore a rented tux. I wasn’t scorned by the popular kids, nor was I one of them. I got along with the jocks and the band geeks.

I can’t sing. I can’t play an instrument. I’m not an athlete. I was never the fastest, nor the slowest runner. I wasn’t the first one picked when teams were chosen. I certainly wasn’t the last one picked either. 

My home life and childhood was good. I had loving parents who gave me what they could and supported me in every way. 

I got slightly better than average grades in school. I had a girlfriend. I had a good time in college but was rather anonymous. 

I have three kids, a wife and a middle class existence. 

I am, like you, a perfect nobody. An average guy, living in the Midwest. Hardly the inspiration for the next great American novel. I live the “Seinfeld” of lives.

I can cook all the dishes your Mom prepared when you were a kid. I probably make them just as good, but not better. I can do basic home repair, but no more. 

I probably traveled more than most, unless you were in the military. 

I often joke that I would have been voted Most Forgettable in high school, but no one could remember my name. 

Heck, even this little-read blog is anonymous. 

I live the average life. I’m like you. There is no “It’s a Wonderful Life” story about me. I didn’t touch anyone’s life. I haven’t done good in the community. I’ve inspired no one. I’m good with that. 

It just makes for boring.

I hates that wrabbit

 It’s gonna hit 74 today. I gotta work. There is not much to add. 

How about some music?

Perhaps one of the funniest movies ever. 

Have a great Saturday.

Heartless

Funny, ain’t it, how Joe* kept reporters a first down away at his news conference yesterday. Fear of the COVID, I guess. He even masked up, though it would take super germs to fly that far. Too bad the President * doesn’t have the same consideration and concern for the health of Americans. If he did, he wouldn’t let thousands of possibly infected illegals jump the border every day. 

As anyone who watched The Godfather Ii. knows, we used to screen immigrants at the border and quarantine those that were sick. Nope, not today’s Democrats. They want to flood the country with illegals, grant citizenship, and gain new voters that will vote for the same policies that made their own countries shitholes. Yeah, I said it. Yes, I’ve been there, the interior of Mexico, not the beaches and tourist sites. It is a shithole for many. Not everyone. Not every area. I understand why they want to come here. That doesn’t mean we should have open borders. I want to live in the big houses out by the reservoir. Like Mick said, “You can’t always get what you want “. It is not our responsibility to fix the world.

Deep Digging

The Hoosier state is loosening the reigns of COVID restrictions as the infection rate drops. The mask mandate ends early April. Of this there are three possibilities. First the Governor believes things are safe enough. Two, there is growing political and homegrown pressure that enough is enough. The State representatives are moving to strip Governor Holcomb of some emergency powers. Me, I’m more cynical. In light of the decision to host the entirety of the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament locally, thousands of visitors have flooded Indy. The news is filled with images of partying crowds, many maskless, downtown.  Good for the economy, bad for spreading the Wuhan Flu. Now, if a spike in sick people occurs, the blame will shift from “Why’d you let thousands of potential Typhoid Marys into the city” to “We lifted the mask mandate too early —we shouldn’t have trusted you rubes to keep socially distant”. 

I suspect the motives of every politician, no matter the party. 

A living will cautionary tale

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

His wife got up, Kissed him ever so gently, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

This, that, other thing

Hoo boy, what a weekend. Everybody came into the store to spend up those stimulus checks. Busy isn’t the word for it. I busted my hump for the past three days. I’m glad I have tomorrow off. 

I made grilled chicken salads for dinner, so supper  was somewhat healthy. 

I think I tanked an interview this afternoon. That leaves me seriously bummed. We shall see. Things were going well too. This was the third person ( and most important) from the company I have talked to in the past week. I did my best. That’s all I can do.

In other news, I got nuthin’ have a great tomorrow.

Present

 Much to my chagrin the world didn’t end. I’m still here, a year older and once again heading in for the opening shift. It will be another busy day as everyone is out spending those stimulus checks.

I had a great birthday. Thanks for your well wishes.

Have a great Sunday. Me? I’ve made other plans.

Fresh as canned peaches

This ain't live. It is Memorex. I suspect you have to be of  a certain age to understand that near-archaic reference. Restated, this is a canned post (I wrote it on Tuesday to be precise). I closed the store last night (Friday, stick with me, and be in the present. Today is Saturday, unless the World ended, then you won't be reading this anyway). That means I worked until 11 PM. The scheduling geniuses have me opening this morning (Saturday, keep up). Yes, I have to be at work at 6 in the ayem. I am already hard at work as you read this. I am operating on a handful of hours of sleep.  The lone bright spot is I get off by mid-afternoon.

The whole point of the opening monologue, complete with asides, is that I am free this evening to celebrate yet another trip around the sun. Yes, yes, some of you are focusing on the lesser First Day of Spring thing. I suppose you may be forgiven since my birthday has not yet received the national attention it deserves. March 20 is both, the equinox and my birthday. Two, two, two mints in one (yet another old commercial reference).

Do not fret if you failed to note the anniversary of my nativity today. There is no need to send gifts or cards. The fact I am alive and breathing is gift enough (again, I am making assumptions several days in advance. If I have croaked in the interim this whole entry seems even more silly than already in evidence) (On the other hand, if I have assumed room temperature, there is really no way for you to know other than posts will stop at some point. Probably today). Confused? Me too. 

Hopefully, I will not be too tired for the birthday nookie I anticipate this afternoon (wishful thinking on my part, certainly -- even though that is the only present I have asked for for decades). If we can scrape up the cash, I hope we will go for a cheap steak at the joint down the road. 

This post has been brought to you by the numbers five and nine. That makes me not yet sixty, so suck it oldsters. 

Shots in the arm and bank account

 I was vaccinated for the Chinese Flu yesterday. So far, I have suffered no ill effects. I am tired, bored, surly, and anxious. That, thankfully(?), is my normal demeaner. And sarcastic. I tend to be a little sarcastic occasionally. I know, you find that surprising, right?

Somehow, the * Administration is shocked to learn that saying they are going to open the borders and giving a Price Is Right-type "Illegal Aliens, Come on Down" shout-out creates a giant backlog of people trying to break into the country. Well, duh.*

The good news is we got our stimulus check, The bad news is that it went to the car loan, the electric bill, the gas bill, and the water bill. There I go stimulating the economy with my grandkids future earnings. I desperately need a new pair of decent shoes. I walk about 30 miles a week and that wears down running shoes fast. I bought the current pair of black Adidas in the fall of 2018. They are worn out inside. A new pair of something is in the works. Soon. Perhaps this weekend. 

*that would be sarcasm

ABC

A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesmen back in Omaha.” The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, “One.”The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” “$101,237.65.” “$101,237.65? Holy Mother of Mary! What did you sell him?” “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.” “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!” “No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.”

Because I can, and you cannot stop me

Here is a un-snappy rerun from 2014. It is neither particularly funny, nor amusing. It is from St. Paddy's Day though. Besides, it harkens to an earlier time when, well, I don't know what it harkens to other than a way to fill the screen with words.

Enjoy, don't, whatever.

 

Happy St. Gertrude's Day

My calendar proclaims today is St.Patrick's Day, or as my very Irish roommate used to call it, Amateur Night at the local bar. I suppose any gent who gets rid of snakes is worth celebrating. 

But for a variety of circumstances my own name might have been Patrick. My birth name is a long boring story (OK, I never really listened when my Mom went on about naming me something else).  I was not born on St. Joseph's day either. Since my family is heathen protestant from way back, the Saint's days did not figure into our names at birth. Too bad, some of the Saints who share my birthday are St. Benignus, St. Cuthbert, St. Tetricus, and St. Nicetus. If I ever have another kid, I am naming him Benignus. Maybe I should change the name of this blog to Breakfast with Benignus, or The Benignus Blog. or maybe The Cuthbert Chronicles. Dang, I finally come up with a catchy blog title nine years too late.

You know who really gets screwed over on March 17? St. Ambrose, that is who. And St. Gertrude. According to Catholic.org, "Gertrude was a mystic, gifted with visions. She befriended the Irish saints Foillian and Ultan. Gertrude is a patroness of travelers and gardeners". Gertrude was Irish, why aren't you swilling green beer in her honor today?  Today is St. Gertrude's day. Celebrate it.

Stereotyping the Day

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and
his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms, “that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man.
“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Public Safety Waning

 In light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung.

Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

Beware

I didn't even know Jello Pie was a real thing

Once again we have moved to the odious and misnamed and pointless DST. Nothing is saved. We have the same hours of daylight we would have enjoyed had we not done the changing of the clocks thing. So it goes.

The coffee is good and  hot. Music is playing in the background and I am hunting and pecking on the old computer as I rush through the old blogroll before heading off to another thrilling day at work. I do get two days off a week. I just wish they were together. Again, so it goes. 

That "so it goes" phrase is straight out of Vonnegut. The only decent line he ever wrote, I posit. 

You cannot tell from this post, but I really do not go around with a dour face and poor attitude. I am generally a happy person. This here anonymous little-read blog is where I vent. Should we ever meet in real life I think you would find me a much more pleasant person than comes across in these electronic pages. 

There you have it, another real-life adventure in the life of a hoosierboy. Tune in again next time for more adventure.

I gotta be honest. Whatever you are paying to read this site is way, way too much. 

Every little thing's gonna be alright

We find ourselves  on a Friday morning with a day off work. I need a day off. 

It is with a great deal of satisfaction that I see a few buds on the maple tree outside my office window are starting to open out a bit. The tulips at the base of the tree have pushed through the mulch by about an inch. Mother Nature never fibs. Spring is upon us. I don't care what the thermometer says.

I come to you this morning from a new medium. I am typing away on a "new" desktop computer. It is my dad's computer. It is not new, but certainly better than the 10 year old laptop I have been using. It was one we bought for my son when he was in high school. I suspect we paid about $300 for it at the time and got what we paid for. This computer seems like a Cadillac in comparison. This is the first desktop machine I have used since we discarded the old one about seven or eight years ago.  That one we bought around 2002 or so. Yes, we are right up on technology here at the old homestead. The wife does have a fairly new iPad and our cellphones are of recent vintage. 

The screen seems gigantic in comparison to the laptop, that is for sure. Getting reacquainted with the number pad is also nice. 

What say we trot out some Friday music? This is full of hope and the beach vibe evokes images of Spring Break and the normal vacation I won't be taking this month:

Have a great Friday, mon amis.

Close, but no cigar

I had several interviews with a promising potential employer a couple of weeks ago. The inevitable “Thanks but no thanks” email arrived yesterday. So it goes. 

If I am destined to work the rest of my days at the home improvement store I can only pray my days are numbered.

I know God has a plan.  It finally occurs to me that plan may not involve happiness and success. 

I have the first interview with a recruiter about another opportunity later this morning. Back on the hampster wheel before heading to my retail job. 

Right Turn, Clyde

I had the early shift this morning so I was home by early afternoon. I was just in time to enjoy the spring sun and temps in the upper sixties! I immediately took to the patio and lit up a nice hand-rolled stogie to celebrate being alive. Why not?

I had my periodic checkup at the doc last week. Blood sugars were under control (A1C = 6.3), weight steady and well within guidelines,  and blood pressure a nice 112/73. 

See what clean living does for you?

Too late