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| What is wrong with this man? |
It was a nice sunny late summer day yesterday so the wife and I climbed into the Grand Cherokee for a short road trip back to the old hometown. We went to the ice cream stand for tacos. The wife opted for a vanilla Coke while I washed down my food with a diet. Don’t question why the ice cream place has good tacos, they just do.
We went past the vacant lot that housed my old elementary school. Nothing remains but the crumbling asphalt and gravel where the playground was. None of that soft rubber matting you find in modern playgrounds. Kids in the sixties were tough, or perhaps we were just hurt far more because safety was never a consideration.
We played on stuff like this
The wife went to the antique shop she wanted to visit, bought nothing, and we motored home the “scenic” route. It was scenic only in that it was twisty and less travelled than the other state highway we could have chosen. The vista was flat as you imagine Kansas to be (it’s not) and corn and beans and trees dotted with farm houses and occasional double-wide trailers filled the horizon.
As we came back into the north ‘burbs of the metro sprawl we stopped so the wife could window shop a little more then grabbed a bite of supper before arriving back at the homestead in time to watch pre-season football, a baseball game, and a cowboy movie in a display of simultaneous channel flipping remote control dexterity. The wife was upstairs doing whatever she does and missed the fun.
I suspect it was on purpose.
Vintage
She is one of those dark-haired Alabama girls, a kind of stringy little girl, dark, and, if you look closely, feature by feature, you see that she is not pretty. But her face is so alive all the time time that afterward you would swear she is pretty.
I had a righteous political rant queued in my head today. I have opted not to.
Instead I suggest you hug your kids, tell your significant other you love them, and smile at your neighbors.
We can go back to criticizing the idiocy of others tomorrow.
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “
“Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,
“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther.
“I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him,
“What was that for?”
Abe answers,
“They’ll find us!”
The Democrats just passed an inflation bill that hires 87,000 new IRS agents and I just got audited.
I just received an audit on my tax return for 2021 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate."
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?
True confession, this is a semi-rerun from 2013.
A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
‘You need a piece of tail.’
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.’
It is said that funerals are for the living. The one we attended yesterday was a case in point. My wife’s ex-brother-in-law passed away earlier this week. As the minister stated “there are a lot of mixed emotions here today”. I can say for my case I wasn’t there for the deceased and I can state irrevocably my wife wasn’t. We were there for her sister and niece.
It was good to see my wife’s family. As for the deceased, my mother told me not to speak ill of the dead. I guess I already have. He died with no family outside of an ex-wife who stayed married to him way too long and an estranged daughter who only reconnected after he got sick and had no one else to call.
What abuses he piled on his family in the years before his divorce I am sure I only know the surface.
But I knew his secrets.
As I said, I was there for the living.
I said a prayer for him. I’m not sure I meant it. For that I ask forgiveness.
He was a Vietnam vet. I appreciate his service.
This canned post was originally published Tuesday. I moved it to state my disgust with the modern American Stasi. I’m half afraid to publish anything political. Tell me I’m wrong.
If you have a Democrat for one of your Senators, you can rest comfortably knowing your Senator refuses to acknowledge that only females can get pregnant. Every Democrat senator voted that way Saturday.
EVERY ONE.
These are the same people who are always telling us to follow the science.
Sorry, if you tell me in the same breath that climate change is a direct threat to my existence and that a man can have a baby, I’d say I don’t believe anything you tell me.
