Corning

Did you ever go corning in your younger days? That was a favorite Halloween prank in my youth. Take a handful of corn and throw it at a window or car. It makes a rattle like buckshot and scares the bejeezus out of the occupant. The sound is especially good on aluminum siding and awnings. For you city types, we are talking field corn; off the cob, not canned corn. Unpopped popcorn will also work (not microwave, New Yorkers) I have not heard a good corning since I moved south of Indianapolis. I am not sure if it was a local thing, or if it has just gone out of style.

One evening when I was in high school three of us were out having some fun. We placed a couple of dummies on the guardrail of the highway. We pissed over the overpass onto cars below. We corned passing vehicles. Pretty boring if you think about it, but welcome to life in small town mid-America in the late 70's. We were not drinking (probably because we could not get anyone to buy for us!). My buddy and I jumped into the back of the pickup (yes, more stereotype) and we were plastering oncoming cars with corn. Great fun. As usual , the driver was out of gas so we stopped to fill up. Suddenly a station wagon flies to a halt just missing the front bumper of the truck.

"Get out you motherfuckers." screams a middle aged man. "Call the fucking cops." he shouts to the station attendant. The gas man just points to the pay phone. We were just smart ass teenagers, we laughed, thinking the guy was just mixed up. If I was smart, I would have walked away. Instead, I stayed to see this asshole's problem.

A few minutes later 4 (four) cop cars show up. The lunatic is claiming we tried to kill his family! Apparently, we corned his car and it scared him so much he drove off the road. His kids were crying, his wife was trying to slink down in the seat, she was embarrassed he was such a jerk. She tried once to tell him to relax and he turned and told her to shut her damn mouth. Nice guy, this Larry.

Our parents had to call and apologize, to keep him from pressing attempted manslaughter charges. My mom called him, apologized, assured him I would be punished. This was not enough I guess. I heard her tell him, "look you stupid son of a bitch, I said I would take care of it. Shove it up your ass you little bastard." I was sure I was going to jail. The little creep pissed off my mom so much I was only lightly punished. You do not screw with my mom. I knew it, my friends knew it, and now this crybaby knew it.

Scared of a little corn.