May 23, 2022

Whole lotta nuthin’

I’m not sure where the weekend went. Saturday we cleaned a bit and then went to dinner with some friends. After dinner they came over for euchre and snacks. Sunday I mowed then we went to see the granddaughter in a swimming competition. Yes, I see you stifling that yawn. 

I see Brandon has promised to go to war with China should they attack Taiwan. In light of this position the armed forces should probably start focusing on war training instead of identifying white privilege and intense CRT indoctrination. 

I have plenty of stuff on the calendar this week prior to the long holiday weekend. I am counting the days. 

May 21, 2022

Curious Case of Censorship

I wasn’t much in the mood to write anything this morning. Since I am the courteous sort, I thought I’d just put up a quick post stating such. That idea in reality creates a quasi-paradox since posting a statement that I’m not going to post creates a post in itself. 

When I arrived at the Blogger dashboard I had two separate notifications that posts had been censored for violations of community guidelines. One was blocked behind a content notice, the other unpublished in its entirety. Huh? The problem is that no specific post is referenced in the notices. I scrolled back to December and found nothing in Draft that I didn’t leave there. I’m not sure what recent post would be filled with adult content either. In fact, I’m not sure I have posted nudity at all. Who knows? I have put out a lot of material over the nearly two decades of this piece o’crap blog. Maybe way back in the roaring naughts? 

I am not surprised someone somewhere was offended by my content. I am surprised it took this long to be censored by the leftists that run the hosting site. 

If you are expecting a grandiose outraged rant on censorship you are about to be disappointed. When you use someone’s platform you follow their rules. Just as there is no free speech at work (looking at you who are offended you cannot teach Sex Ed to first graders in Florida), the Google overlords have the right to limit my speech. I can like it or leave it. So it goes. 

Far from upset, I’m mostly curious as to the offending posts.

How about some music to mellow this Saturday conundrum? 



May 20, 2022

Ready Steve?

 Friday. Windy. Warm. There, we have the weather covered. 

Biden has exactly the gas prices he wants to force you to quit driving a big SUV and cough up cash for an EV, whether you want it or not. Plus, it makes alternative fuels more cost competitive. Think I’m wrong? The administration will not even concede gas is too high.  Look at the gas price chart in the linked article. Funny how those highs mostly coincide with Democrats in the Oval Office, particularly the record high costs. 

Think inflation is flattering your wallet now? Wait until record high diesel fuel costs get rolled into every good shipped in the US. Grocery prices will really skyrocket, providing you can find your favorite meat, frozen food, canned good, or produce on the shelf. 

Funny how my liberal commenters  have gone all cricket chirps these days. It is hard to tell me I’m wrong when the empirical evidence is slapping you in the face every time you pull into your local gas pump and grocery. 

On to more amusing stuff. This was stuck in m head this morning. Ready Steve? Andy? Mic? Let’s goooo!


I have to get myself a cape.

May 19, 2022

airports bring out the worst in people

I’m back in God’s Favorite State. It was a very good business trip this week, but I’m tired. Yesterday we left the hotel just after 7:30 AM. I walked in my front door at 1:23 AM this morning. If my math is right that is around an 18 hour day that included the unpleasantness that is flying and airports these days. The only saving grace is the late flight was not full and the middle seat next to me was open. To round out the experience was a conference call at 8AM this morning. Yay, me. 

I always point to weeks like this when people say they wish they had a job like mine. 

Don’t let me fool you. I like my job. I like travel. I like the life on the road. Just never confuse vacation travel with business travel. 

Gas was $5.09 in Maryland. Thanks Brandon. We are pushing Jimmah Carter levels of inflation, but at least we don’t have mean tweets. Experts predict $6 gas by Independence  Day. That is more than double the price before Biden became President. Obama blamed everything on Bush. Biden blames it all on Putin. Seems like things go to crap when we have a Democrat in charge. I think I know who to blame, even if the President doesn’t. 

While I’m giving Democrats their deserved bashing, how do all of you who propagated the lie that  Georgia’s voting law was  “Jim Crow on steroids” explain how more people in Georgia are early voting than ever? Yes, I know, no mean tweets. 

I’m sorry I don’t have any amusing stories or anecdotes from this trip. It was all pretty routine this time. That is a good thing.



May 17, 2022

Charming my way through charm city

 Hola, I haven’t forgotten you. I am back on the road for the first time in a while and busy is the word. I had a hard time connecting to the internet from the hotel last night and a late business dinner this evening. 

I can mark a new city off my list. I do not think I have been to Baltimore previously, other than the airport BWI to connect. Now I can say I have. I’ve seen nothing that makes me say “Wow”, nor has it been unpleasant. I have also been calling on really Big Customer pit in the suburbs, so...

We had a busy day of meetings today and more tomorrow. I have a very late flight home, so I’ll be looking at a 16 or 17 hour day tomorrow that follows today’s 13 hour day and yesterday’s 14 hour day. I know Thursday will be full of already scheduled conference calls, so maybe I’ll knock off early Friday afternoon. 

Man, I bet you are thrilled you stopped by to read this. 

May 16, 2022

Just a little exercise

What if every time you see the word “abortion” it was replaced with “kill a baby”? Would your attitude change?

Something to think about as 49 out of 50 Democrat Senators just voted for the ability to “abort” right up to the moment of birth.  

Yes, they really did. 

May 15, 2022

She helped me with my suitcase

The sky is clear and a color the folks at Binny & Smith call “sky blue” for a reason. The trees are a deep green and so is the grass. It is too early for the neighborhood to echo with the sound of lawnmowers and trimmers, but it will not be long, my house included. Life in the ‘burbs moves apace. 

The maple is dropping seed pod helicopters and the wife is starting her annual rant that we should “cut down that tree”. Her hatred is unreasonable. I made the mistake of telling her a few years ago if the helicopters bothered her so much she should go rake them up. She asked why the neighbors’ yards are not littered with “those brown things”? I pointed out the neighbors don’t have maple trees in their front yard. 

It is weird how two important women in my life had the same hatred for maple seed pods - my grandmother and my wife. Grandma used to make me pick up every helicopter before I could mow. The wife wants me to, but I won’t do it. 

We need to drag out the power washer and clean away the winter filth from the porch and patio. Maybe we can get it in before some expected afternoon pop-up thundershowers. 

I’m heading off to see Big Customer tomorrow. That means a few days of wearing dress clothes and real shoes. The button down shirt and Dockers are fine. The shoes mean I will be in pretty good pain and likely limping around by noon. So it goes. I’m going to have to break down and have another surgery, I guess. I really, really do not want to. It is 50/50 at this point which I dread more, the every day pain or the six to eight weeks immobilized (with no guarantees that will fix the problem). Maybe in the fall. 

Have a great Sunday.








May 14, 2022

You Know a Melody Can Move Me

Last night after supper I moseyed out to the patio to enjoy the warm spring evening. I lit a cigar and turned on some music. I had an unopened book on my lap. Robins flew from branch to ground to branch in a flurry of activity. A bunny shot across the yard to hide behind the hostas. The crab apples were in blossom and I could just make out the scent of the-just-starting-to-bloom lilacs behind me. 

Jet contrails etched the sky as I tried out my new Monkey ashtray  I bought last month because it was cheap and amusing. As classic rock played in the background, my worries and cares drifted into the evening sky with the smoke from the stogie. I was content for the first time in a long while. I offered a silent prayer of thanks. 




May 12, 2022

The search for El Dorado

The wife was messing around on her iPad doing whatever she does. I was watching the Duke in El Dorado. Around 10:30 she said she was going upstairs and I told her she could watch whatever on the TV because I’ve seen the movie like forty times. She laughed and said she was tired and that she’s even seen that movie. 

It’s hard to believe the cast is filled with Oscar winners, Emmy winners and Academy Award nominees. But it is an entertaining movie, especially that Maudie.

Biden isn’t even mentioned

Since I have written more than 7,300 posts it is clear I cannot remember all of the wit, charm, politics, jokes, and nonsense I have posted to the interwebz. I am always struck on the occasion I go through the archives and run across something that makes me say Urkel-like “Did I write that?”. Usually, it is because the piece is cringeworthy. Occasionally, it is something slightly better than mediocre. Here is a piece I do not even remotely remember from back in 2007. With a lot of editing and re-work it wouldn’t be awful:

April 8, 2007
A Day at the Beach

He gasped as he stepped into the surf. He knew the Atlantic was cold, but the chill surprised him every time. The waves were a little higher this time. The ebb tide had turned and high tide was again on the make. His friend and their kid had gone with his son to the outer sand bank about 50 yards offshore where the waves broke just a little bigger. There they could feel the waves crash into their bodies and take turns riding the boogie board on top of the waves for 15 yards or so.

He had made the trip out twice earlier in the afternoon. He could wade out about 30 or 40 feet then he had to swim out to the sand bank where the water was waist deep at best. He had promised his son one more trip out through the surf. When the time came, he begged off. The sun and day at the beach coupled with the two previous swims in the cold ocean to the sand bar had taken their toll; the man was tired. His friend said he would go and with his larger teen aged daughter and the man's small teen aged son they set out, calling him as wuss. The man's wife heckled him to go, reminding him he had promised his son. The man got to his feet with a sigh and followed the three into the surf.

At the sand bar the waves hit with more power than before, coming quicker and stronger with the growing tide. The water was not so cold once you got used to it he remarked. Soon the tide made it time to go in. The water level at the sandbar was now at the man's chest level as opposed to barely waist level a few hours earlier.

The man and his son started back. The son was an OK swimmer so he paddled on top of the boogie board. The man waded along for a few steps then was forced to swim. He would climb the swell with a strong breast stroke. He was forced to stop and tread water to stay with his son. The waves were growing larger. It took more effort to climb to the top of each succeeding wave. The waves came quicker and he urged his son to paddle faster. A wave broke over his head. He saw a large wave coming and swam to the top. In the valley he could feel the pull backward, he swam forward and moved only a few feet against the current. The pattern repeated. Now the swim to shore was fifty or sixty yards as opposed to the thirty before.

He urged his son to go quicker, a little panic creeping into his mind. His friends were far behind him. He swam to the top of another wave, his arms and legs beginning to feel heavy. Again he urged his son to hurry. He was smothered in the swell again, this time he swallowed the salty seawater. His arms and legs felt like lead. He could not swim another stroke. He tread water for a minute to see his son, now 10 yards behind him. Another wave. "Come on" he shouted. Another wave. Always a good swimmer, he could not believe he was struggling like this. Another wave. His legs would not move. Oh God, he thought, I am not going to make it. Another wave. The shore was too far. Another wave. He went under again. He tried to swim, but his arms would not work. Another wave. He rolled to his back, knowing if he could just rest a moment he would be fine. Another wave. He swallowed even more water. He called to his son to hurry, maybe he could rest on the board for a moment and catch his breath. Another wave. His son saw the worry on his dad's face and mistook it. He shouted back he was fine. Another wave. 

The man drew on every bit of strength he could find and swam a few yards before he was pounded down by another wave, he was closer. He wife began running into the surf, she could see he was foundering. His friend told his daughter to hurry and they sped forward. The man could not move his arms. He went under to see if he could stand up yet, the bottom still was beyond his reach, maybe an inch -- maybe by feet. The effort to climb to the top of the swell was all he could muster. Another wave. He turned to look at his son, concerned he was OK. The boy was dog paddling with ease over the swell. Another wave. The man went under. Pure panic set in, but he could not move his exhausted limbs. He felt sorry for his family, he was embarrassed, he fought again, but the energy was gone. Another wave. He struggled, he thought his tired lungs would burst. Another wave.

He at last felt the bottom and was enveloped by a warm glow the likes of which he never felt before. He was calm, he was peaceful. He felt another wave crash over him. He was no longer tired. Another wave pushed his lifeless body toward the shore, just a few yards away.

May 11, 2022

Time Travelin’

 Here is an old one I published back in 2008:

It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. 

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. 

"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" Peggy Sue's 
mother asks Harold what they're planning to do. 

Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. 

Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." 

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says, "Whaaaat?" 

"Yes," says Peggy Sues mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!" 

Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. 

A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go. 

Almost with breathless anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Harold.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother: 

"Dammit, Mom! It's the Twist! It's called The Twist!"

May 10, 2022

Why the Russian invasion is so horrible

According to sources, Russia invaded the Ukraine with as many as 150,000 troops. The Russians crossed the border at multiple points. The world is appalled. Sanctions have been put on Russia. Americans are cheering the stiff resistance put for by the citizens of the sovereign nation of Ukraine.

The Biden Administration has allowed over one million illegals to enter the country in 2022. Those who oppose this invasion are called domestic terrorists by the President. 

I doubt further commentary on my part is necessary.

May 9, 2022

Breaking Memories

So yesterday my daughter took my wife to brunch for Mother’s Day. I got to tag along because. We went to a locally owned place in the county seat. After breakfast we walked around the square looking into shops and stores. 

Getty images
We wandered into an antique store and my daughter was looking at the Depression Glass. My mom had a nice collection of the stuff and my daughter has it now. 

My daughter was looking at a candy dish with a lid. She said she had that bowl, but hers didn’t have a lid. In that moment I had a memory I had completely forgotten. It was teenage me, all awkward and bumbling, bouncing off a coffee table, knocking off the green candy dish. And breaking the lid. I could suddenly remember just how angry my mom was with me.

“Well”, I told my daughter, “it used to have a lid”...

May 8, 2022

Happy Happy

 Best wishes for a happy Mothers Day to all you moms out there.


I miss you Mom

May 6, 2022

Crossroads, seem to come and go

I had a long political rant written and scheduled to publish this morning. I pushed it back to draft status. It isn’t that I don’t firmly believe what I have opined — I do. It is just the vitriol doesn’t settle this morning. 

I’m not sure why I persist with this blog. And no, that isn’t a plea for “I like your blog” comments. Don’t bother. It has never been more than self-aggrandizing navel gazing. We are all comfortable with that. I will readily admit my lack of effort shows. The truth is any more I would rather read the news than comment upon it. There you have it.

Released in February 1972 the Allman Brothers fourth album was a double LP consisting of live and studio recordings. The album was recorded with tracks including the late Duane Allman and some without following his death in October 1971. 

Melissa was actually written in 1967 by Gregg Allman, according to Wikipedia, and everything in Wikipedia is true. The song was included on the album as a tribute to his brother Duane, who said he thought it was Gregg’s best song.

I don’t know about that, but it is a great tune:



May 5, 2022

You are Welcome

Here I was, all set to write a post about the Battle of Puebla and a minor Mexican Holiday. You know the anniversary better as Cinco de Mayo. I started the research, wrote a few sentences and found myself...bored. If I find it boring, I know you will. So instead of writing about a major battle in a minor war in a foreign country, I will give you a dirty joke instead. And it is a dirty joke. Don't read further if you are easily offended. Most people who identify as a woman will be offended. Some men will be too.

I warned you. I do not want to see any “that’s gross, that’s offensive, you are a pig, top hats look stupid without tails” type comments.  Just do yourself a favor and stop here.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He’d toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question – and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.

He called his wife for assistance and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came homewith her date.

After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blowhard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.

The young man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,

‘That’s so wonderful! Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows up?’

The father replied,

‘From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.


May 4, 2022

Star Wars Day

It is May 4 and that means it is the youngest granddaughter’s third birthday. She is most exited. She has asked for spaghetti for dinner, so her mom and dad are taking us all out for an Italian dinner tonight. 

In the meantime, I made a batch of Doughboy cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I think the wife is taking her to DQ for lunch. Unfortunately, I have a conference call so no Blizzard for me. 

She cracked me up yesterday. As she was heading upstairs, she turned around and sat on the step, then leveraged herself up to the next one. “What are you doing?” Asked my wife. 

“I’m being like Paw!” She happily exclaimed, crawling up the stairs like I did for months last year. I can’t believe she remembers that. 

I don’t know how we would have made it through the past couple of years without that little girl and her sister. Two happier girls never existed. I hope they stay that way.



May 3, 2022

Hyperbole Much

Just to cut through the hysteria over a possible Supreme Court ruling that will get rid of Roe v Wade, I want to point out that all abortion WILL NOT BE OUTLAWED. 

If the majority of voters in your state elect representatives that favor abortion, people in your state can kill babies as they see fit with whatever restrictions your legislators decide. 

Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. There is no alternative position. 

Look, my position on abortion has changed over the years. I’m personally very against it. Ultimately, I posit the decision is between you and your god or your conscious. 

I am more than a little disturbed by those who cheer for abortion, and react with glee when ultimately, a life is taken with by the procedure.  I guess I can accept it as a necessary evil. I find it hard to believe anyone can be thrilled they had it done. I will also say there is nothing sadder than an unwanted and mistreated child. 

And finally, in the interest of truth, can we just skip the lie it is “healthcare”? It is ending a pregnancy. That’s all. 

More: to those gnashing their teeth that overturning Roe would “upend decades of precedent”, didn’t Roe upend a century of precedent? Besides, that’s a silly argument. Brown v The Topeka Board of Education upended precedent too. Dred  Scott established precedent. Precedent is only an issue when the rule goes against your beliefs. 

Quick, get me a beer

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to

his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

His wife looked a little puzzled but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

The husband sighed.

“It’s started.” 

  



May 2, 2022

Locked up by the Ministry of Truth

I guess at some point I will have to decide if I want to keep blogging nonsense like the previous post, or wait until I’m shut down by our new Ministry of Truth. 

If I disappear, you will know what happened.

The same people who have created this new Big Brother department  are the very folks who claim people who believe like me are “threats to democracy “. 

You can cut the irony with a knife.

Why the Republicans aren’t moving immediately to make sure this terrible idea has ZERO funding escapes me. Make every Democrat stand up and publicly tell us why censorship and destroying the First Amendment is a good idea. I cannot write this enough: the First Amendment exists to protect the stuff we find most offensive. Why won’t the elected officials fight this government abuse right now? Nip it in the bud. The entire concept is chilling, scary, and an anathema to the very underlying concepts laid down by our Forefathers. 

I’m not surprised by the tepid response of our elected officials. Not really. All politicians want to control us. 

Makes me sick.

I am easily amused


 

May 1, 2022

Attention-Grabbing Title

Yesterday passed without much activity to note. In the morning I drank coffee and...IDK. I guess I read, watched TV, and perused your blogs. The wife went to a craft show. In the afternoon the youngest granddaughter came to hangout while her older sister went to a Tai Kwan Do competition. Afterward, we went with the girls to dinner. The SIL is out of town. 

After dinner the wife and I went to a movie for the first time in about 200 years. Going to the movies has always been one of the things we really enjoy doing together. Most of our earliest dates involved the theater and our passion for cinema never waned. Unfortunately, today’s movie offerings seem to lean heavily on comic book characters, a genre neither of us really enjoys. 

I saw the local cinema is having a special showing of The Wizard of Oz next weekend. I’ve seen the classic Judy Garland vehicle more times than I can count on my fingers, toes, ears, and nose combined, but I have never seen it on the big screen. It might be worth the ticket price to experience it. Plus warm popcorn...

On the way to the movies we heard the sad news Naomi Judd passed away. No doubt the daughter was the more talented, but Mom had an angelic voice and her harmonies were always just perfect. Pretty dang easy on the eyes too. 





April 30, 2022

On the Current President

Mom always told me if I don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

April 29, 2022

On the First Part of the Journey

We find ourselves alive and kicking on this cloudy Friday. I dragged out the mower and cut the grass yesterday evening. The lawn still has too many weeds, but it looks less shaggy. Finances the past couple of years precluded spraying for weeds or fertilizer, so the old lawn is looking rough. I don’t have the worst front yard on the cul-de-sac, but it is close. Paying to rid the backyard of the big limb from the willow* ate up this month’s lawn care budget, so it will be next month before we can do any treating. So yes, we are behind. 

It looks like a semi-rainy weekend. I still have cleanup and pruning to do outside. We shall see. 

I was up in the weed-choked flower bed hacking away with the string trimmer after mowing yesterday. Something moved beside my foot and in rapid sequence my brain said snake...chipmunk...no, baby rabbit. It was a tiny bunny, no bigger than a mouse. He scurried a few feet away and froze beside another cluster of weeds. I moved on, hoping I just scared him and didn’t actually hit him with the trimmer. I have no doubt he had siblings nearby. Later in the summer, when he eats the tomatoes from my garden, I will wish I had chopped him up. 

I don’t know why brain always defaults to “snake” when I’m startled. My reptile encounters are few. I’m still wet my pants scared of snakes though. 

Now, here is what you came for. Released fifty years ago this year, this song wasn’t originally on the “America” album. After the success of the single, the song was added and the album re-released to much greater success.





*the limb was about 30’ long and about 10” in circumference at the base. 

April 27, 2022

Well how about this one?

A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit

After a couple of days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says

“Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It’s been a couple of days without food. You understand, right?”

The moose says

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But, listen before you kill and eat me, can I just ask for one last request? There is this birthmark under my tail that supposedly looks like a word, but I’ve never known what it says. Do you think you could take a look and tell me?”

The wolf says “Of course”

So the wolf and bear get close to the back of the moose and lift up his tail.

Right at that moment, the moose gets up on his front legs and kicks both the wolf and bear in the chest.

The wolf is killed instantly.

The bear is fatally wounded, and with his dying breath says

“I don’t even know why the hell I looked. I can’t even read.”

April 26, 2022

Teenager vs. Senior

 One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late.

Because she couldn’t find her hearing aid.

As she was late and did not want to be noticed, she sat in the back, next to a teenager.

The pastor began his preaching.

To have an example of what he was preaching, he asked,

“Everyone who has committed the sin of adultery, stand up.”

The old lady was wondering why everybody went quiet suddenly and asked the teenager what pastor just said.

He answered that the pastor asked of people who wanted mints to stand up.

Our nice old lady stood up, without a care in the world.

The pastor was outraged, he demanded to know why she had stood up.

To that, the old lady responded,

“I may be old and toothless, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sucking one from time to time.”

April 25, 2022

unicorn farts and fairy dust

John Kerry says if the natural gas industry doesn’t go carbon neutral in ten years he “will deploy alternative sources of energy.”. Source

Just what those sources are and why we would withhold them for ten years is the mystery of the day. I imagine it is the same energy source that will power our military. Can we suppose it is unicorn farts and fairy dust? Chim chim Cheri. Maybe Mary Poppins or Tinkerbell can help us out. Are all climateers insane?

On what authority this privileged knucklehead presumes to make decrees is another question. I suppose he thinks he has the authority since he once served in Vietnam. 

I know this, we sure dodged a bullet when we refused to elect this blow-hard President.

April 24, 2022

Pain

I’m hurting. Not an emotional ache over bad people attacking Disney, that bothers me not, but physical pain. You name it - shoulder, back, legs. We took advantage of the nice weather to do a little a bunch of yard work. The wife picked up sticks and pulled weeds while I started taking out a bush near the corner of the garage. 

I cut off the limbs and when I got it down to a stump I dug around the root ball and started prying it up. The wife came to help dig and pry. You might remember I have a broken bone near the arch of my foot, so stomping on the shovel is not the easiest thing to do. Between us we got it out and the tap and spreader roots cut. We disposed of the bush and moved to the backyard.

A couple of years ago a decorative Japanese maple beside my patio was caught in a late freeze and partially died. I cut it down and put stump killer on it. Yeah, don’t waste your money on that stuff. We started in on that stump, digging away at the edges and cutting the roots. Amazingly, a tree maybe six feet tall with a trunk about four inches in diameter had massive roots. We are talking roots eight and nine inches in diameter! Not circumference, diameter. We cut, hacked, pried, chopped, and sawed that guy for most of the afternoon. We went through two sawzall blades. We broke the shovel handle. I swung the maul and axe so much my shoulder ached. 


That’s what it seemed like. Except it was two old people working away. Eventually we won out, the stump and most of the roots were dug out, cut away, or pulled. It took most of the afternoon, but we won. 

Next time I will rent a stump grinder. Who knew such a little tree had such deep roots? There is probably a metaphor there somewhere. I’m too tired to expound.

April 23, 2022

Chinese Generals are Laughing

Politicians say dumb things. I think it is because the second oldest profession doesn’t necessarily attract our best and brightest. Our current Chief Executive is a prime example. Yesterday he proclaimed he was going to spend billions to make sure our military was “green”. 

“I’m going to start the process where every vehicle in the United States military — every vehicle is going to be climate-friendly. Every vehicle. No, I mean it. We’re spending billions of dollars to do it,” Biden said. Source

Ponder that for a moment. There we are, the 1st Amazon Brigade and the 53rd Trans Assault Force heading for yet another war in some Third World Shithole. The Humvees and the all new Harvey Milk Tank are rumbling along when the batteries run low. The momentum stops while the Brigade Charging Sergeant seeks the best charging stations. There are none. 

While the commander takes this opportunity to inspect the soldier’s pink triangle Unit Badge for cleanliness, insurgents open fire. US Servicepeople return fire with our non-metal biodegradable ammunition. Strangely, the soft soy-based bullets just bounce off the attackers. 

As the enemy closes in, the Captain of the Rainbow Company curls in the fetal position. Zir blue hair tumbling from Their helmet, tugging Zir nose ring crying “You must respect my oneness, I’m unique, I’m special”. 

The after-action report blames the total loss on the need to transport extra batteries and places the blame squarely on White Supremacy and claims the rebels were in MAGA gear, so they did not fight by the rules. 

April 22, 2022

Spookybird

After a damp start, yesterday turned into a beautiful day. The afternoon was sunny and it warmed into the low seventies. We had a burger for a late dinner out. As we drove west on 146th street heading home, the setting sun painted the sky in hues of purple, orange, and yellow. Streaking contrails and wispy clouds made a scene fit for a photo. I didn’t take one. The photo view was spoiled by telephone poles, wires, and windshield. 

The weather chick consulted her Magic 8 Ball and decreed today would be much the same, with a few more clouds. Tomorrow is expected  to be perfect with sunny skies and eighty degrees. 

No, I have no clue why you would be interested in my weather. 

Yesterday was spent entirely with on-line meetings. So it goes. Post-pandemic things are different. It is so much easier to have on-line meetings. Now we have so many more of them. 

And yes, I say post-pandemic. We aren’t going back to shutdowns and masking up like cheap movie bank robbers. 

The Classics IV had a handful of hits from 1967 to 1969. Originally out of Jacksonville, FLorida, their first hit was Spooky. The band added lyrics to an instrumental by saxophonist Mike Clark.


Do you think the guys from Classic IV knew the musicians from that other Jacksonville band that started in that era and collectively  jammed on Freebird

Me neither.

April 21, 2022

Buffalo Hunting

A hunter went out to hunt for buffalo.

To help him, he hired an Indian Scout.

The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.

After riding a while, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says

“Humm, buffalo come.”

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars but sees nothing.

He is confused and says to the Indian,

“I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?”

The Indian replies,

“Ear sticky.”


Stop. I know you laughed.

April 19, 2022

Hmmm

Colin Kapernick says he just wants a chance to play football.

Why isn’t he trying to play in the USFL to prove he can still play? 

Makes me wonder if it is about football or trying to make a different point. 

Of course, I’ve been know to be occasionally skeptical.

Start of something wonderful

Today marks the true start of the Revolution and the birth of America. July Fourth just formalized things.

Paul Revere’s Ride

By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

LISTEN, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, “If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light, —
One, if by land, and two, if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm.”

All of it Here
So as April 19th dawned, the Militia grabbed their guns and formed up on Lexington Green. The British killed and wounded a handful before marching on to try to capture the cache of weapons reported to be stored in Concord.  At Concord, beside the old North Bridge, the militia joined against the Lobsterbacks again. 
This time the British were routed. The King’s troops were harried all the way back to Boston. 
In subsequent weeks and months the Rebellion went to full Revolution as other colonies joined in and sent troops and materials.
You know the rest. 
At least you should. I will add, if you have never seen the first few episodes of Ken Burn’s Adams, you ought to try and find it pronto, even if you do not think you like history.

April 18, 2022

The word I am seeking is “disgust”

The littlest granddaughter was on to something when she showed up to the Easter Egg Hunt here at the homestead wearing her snow boots. She didn’t need them yesterday, but the ground is covered with snow this morning. I am shaking my head while looking out the window at the still-falling white stuff. I believe the word I am looking for is “disgust”. 

We had a great Easter. We went to my daughter’s for brunch. Later the group moved to our house for the aforementioned egg hunt. I cooked up a nice dinner of ham loaf, potato casserole and green bean casserole for me and the wife. I drug out the good china and we ate at the dining room table just because. 

The rest of the day I...and I...yeah, it was that kind of day. 

April 17, 2022

He Has Risen

Remember, it is not about the bunnies or colorful eggs.

April 16, 2022

Please don't bother tryin' to find her She's not there

I’m glad we have that global warming thing going as a fairly cold spring rumbles on. Temps are expected to hover in the fifties for a while yet. 

Did you see the video of Brandon trying to shake hands with no one after a speech in North Carolina? Some offered scorn and derision. I found it remarkably sad. He wandered the stage before finally finding the stairs. 



I had the day off yesterday. I wasn’t as productive as I should have been. I ended working a bit. I went out for Chinese food for lunch and pretty much did the couch potato thing the rest of the time. Oh wait, I did cut down some mulberry tree shoots and spray the outside for ants. I also put some weed killer on the emerging dandelions. Of course killing the weeds in my front yard would leave pretty much no green at all! My yard likely needs professional help. Lawn services were one of the first expenses cut during the great low period. 

I think we are meeting...hold on.

Sorry, I had to see what that racket outside was. Seems the neighbor is getting a new roof and the tear off of the old one has started. It is just after 7 AM on a Saturday!

I think we are meeting some friends for dinner then they are coming over for some Euchre this evening. Fun and laughs are on tap. 

I guess I’ll leave you with some music that echoes a Biden’s search for a handshake partner:



April 14, 2022

I’m counting on you to not rat me out


Look, no one likes a snitch. If that is your MO, leave now. I’m serious, if you ever volunteered to be a hall monitor, you ever told on Tommy for goofing off when the substitute teacher was there, if you ever ran to Mom to tell on your sibling, I do not want you to read this post. I don’t need a fink around here.

I had to get rid of the tattletales. I don’t need anybody running to the boss.

You see, I’m posting this while I am supposedly attending my online Monthly Sales Meeting. I’m online, I’m half-listening, but I’m also doing other stuff. Like typing this post. I could be doing other real work, but that takes my full attention. Blogging? Not so much.

Yes, I know, you can tell. You come over and do the blogging if you think you can do better. 

I returned from the Motor City late yesterday afternoon. I was ready to be home. I’ve slept in my own bed twice in the past thirteen days, counting last night. 

The good news is tomorrow is an official company holiday. I have the day off. The bad news is I’m probably going to have to work, at least a little bit to get some deadline projects finished. I also worked about four hours last Sunday to do stuff that slid while I was on vacation. So it goes. 

Have a great Thursday. Remember, loose lips sink ships. Mum’s the word. Snitches get stitches. No one likes a tattletale.

April 13, 2022

Bond, James Bond

 James Bond walks into a bar.

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No”, he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued women says “A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?”

Bond explains “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically”.

The lady says “Whats it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you are not wearing any panties.”

The women giggles and replies, “Well , it must be broken because I am wearing panties”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says,”Bloody thing’s an hour fast”

April 12, 2022

Essential Information

No matter what you might suspect, I ain’t dead. I’m at a sales training in the Motor City. I passed the course and now am prepared to meet the world. 

I will spend some time in the office tomorrow, then I will brave the highways, dodging Prius drivers and their antics, as I motor my way homeward. 

It has been a good trip in that I have finally met my colleagues in person. I think I am working with a great bunch of guys. 

In other news, nada.  Have been busy, busy. I might catch up next week.

April 10, 2022

Hayduke’s Heritage

Sigh. I was going to throw up a typical Sunday light-hearted post. You know the routine - weather, what I did over the weekend, music video, perhaps a comment on a Holy Week, closing. Instead, I read a news article that leaves me mildly angry.

Adbusters, whoever they are, is urging leftists to go out and let the air out of the tires of any SUV they find. No, I won’t link because I do not want to encourage anyone to do this. Sure, they are urging the environmental terrorists to target wealthy neighborhoods, but rampaging commies think everyone is wealthy. The stated aim is to make owning an SUV inconvenient, so we wake up to the impending doom of climate change. 

Do you think vandals are going to take the time to let the air out or put a BB or gravel in the valve stem when an ice pick or knife slash is so much more effective? Make it really hurt. 

I propose we get rid of lead from the environment by putting it into the bodies of any jackanapes flattening tires. Are you committed enough to saving the planet to die for your cause? I won’t pull the trigger, but if this becomes a fad, someone somewhere* will get shot attempting it. Do these idiots recognize that it is the very neighborhoods they are targeting that have ubiquitous cameras recording everything outside their house? Do you think suburban judges, who likely have SUVs themselves, are going to accept the argument this act isn’t vandalism because nothing was permanently damaged? 

If this becomes a “thing” ** then I will personally assume anyone driving an electric car is responsible and act in kind. Let’s all make the tire stores and tow truck operators wealthy. 

Geez. What a world. When I was 18 I thought the Monkey Wrench Gang was funny. Now I have grown up and hate every character.  I think environmental terrorists are perhaps as evil as religious ones. 



* Texas, Florida, or Georgia is my guess

** the same people who find this challenge worthwhile are the same bunch who thought eating a Tide pods was a good idea not too long ago.

April 9, 2022

Drivin’ All Night, My Hands Wet on the Wheel

What a miserable drive. It took twenty hours to go right at a thousand miles. It took just under 15 hours total to get to Florida last Friday night/Saturday morning. Coming home yesterday, u-g-l-y. I don’t know why either. There wasn’t construction. Just heavy traffic driving like idiots. We would cruise along at 75 mph for five miles or so, then all three lanes would just slam on the brakes and we would crawl at 5 mph for five miles or so. Then, for no reason, everyone accelerated up to 75 again. All Day Long. It took five hours, counting lunch, to just clear Orlando to Georgia. We left at 11:00 am yesterday morning and pulled in the driveway at 7:15 am today. 

Since we didn’t plan on an all-nighter, we didn’t arrange our sleep shifts. I ended up driving most of the way, with a sleep break from Atlanta to just past Knoxville. 

Backstory: the daughter rented a house in Mickey Mouse Town and invited us to stay. We had a great time hanging with the grand girls and the kids. We swam, drank some beer and Pina Colatas. I smoked a couple of stogies on the front porch. Yes, we went to Evil Political Disney. The tickets were bought back in a February and I sure wasn’t willing to give up that kind of cash in a political protest. Besides, the girls have been looking forward to going for months. Two and seven year-olds don’t care about a Florida law or LGBQRSTUV protests. 

The weather was mostly great, warm and sunny with a rainy afternoon on Thursday and on Saturday when we arrived. We had a wonderful time. 

Now I get to leave tomorrow on a business trip. Back in the car! 

April 7, 2022

Finally

 

It is about time baseball started

London Calling

Inflation is at levels we haven’t seen since Carter micromanaged the White House tennis courts. It takes half a paycheck to fill up your car with gas. American citizens are struggling, and Biden is passing out free healthcare, education, tax refunds, and cell phones to illegals. WTH? My cell phone bill is expensive. Granted, that is on me and the features, products, and plan I chose. That is because I am paying for it. I guess I’m also paying for Jose and Juan and Naillely’s cell phone too. 

Look it up. You are paying too.

April 6, 2022

Bluey cracks me up

I’m late to the old blogeroo this morning because reasons. The Obama made an appearance at the White House yesterday. I almost felt the sea levels start to drop and peace break out throughout the globe. Almost.

The bigger news is I believe I have caught a cold. I’m probably sicker than anyone else ever who caught a cold ever. I’m just sayin’. I have a runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, and coughing from the post nasal drip. I expect you will be lining up to deliver appropriately seasoned chicken noodle soup. Work out the schedule among yourselves, I’m too sick to take charge. I might add a postscript note I prefer homemade, but I’ll take canned if necessary. 

Say, if you are already cooking, you might throw in a grilled cheese, bacon, or a nicely grilled New York Strip. If you are bringing steak you can substitute a side salad and baked spud for the soup. Thanks.

April 4, 2022

elections have consequences. This time they were negative

I’m on my second cup of coffee. I just finished eating an apple danish. It is typical springtime weather. Blah, blah, blah. 

Biden is driving our country into the ground. Kamala sounds like a cartoon character every time she opens her mouth. Inflation is raging and the only answer this administration has is to either blame the Russians or recommend we all go out and buy a $50,000 car to save $80 bucks a month. Even if we all had the best of credit a car payment on a fifty grand car would be around three hundred bucks minimum to save eighty dollars? Even this history major can calculate that math doesn’t add up. But the good news is we don’t have the Orange Man tweeting mean stuff. 

I notice the liberals in my neighborhood who had the BLM and Biden/Harris signs in their front yards have scrapped the Biden stickers from their bumper. I wonder why? It cost me $80 bucks to fill up my car. Think that has anything to do with it?

April 3, 2022

I’m sorry

OK, I will pop up another post to move the springtime honey down the page. No need to bleach your eyes or reach for those knitting needles to do yourself Equis-style. 

The day started off a chilly just-above-freezing 34F this morning, but it is supposed to reach the mid-fifties this afternoon. I may throw some burgers on the grill. I may not. 

True confession, I’m a decent cook. I do all of the cooking around here. I can make about any of the comfort foods almost as as well as your mom, and  am always surprised to see I use most of the same techniques as many of the hosts on cooking shows. That said, I am not a great BBQ grill cook. I type that with trepidation, knowing my Man Card is at risk. 

It is strange I am so...mediocre...at grilling, since I learned to cook in the Boy Scouts over open fires and coals. By the time I was in my late teens I could cook nearly anything over a fire or in a cast iron Dutch oven. I learned while camping, Mom sure as heck wasn’t letting my touch her stove. 

That’s not entirely true, I cooked my own lunch often since she worked, if you count heating jarred tamales or putting TV dinners in the oven. The real kind, in foil trays. 

After we were married I discovered my wife couldn’t cook anything beyond pancakes or a French roast, so I naturally took on the task. I like cooking and am pretty competent at it. Except grilling. 

So it goes.

Have a great Sunday.

Springtime

 


You know it is spring when the girls start to show off their belly buttons 


Sorry, you cannot unsee it.

April 2, 2022

I got in the wayback machine and ended in a time warp

Here is a re-run of a post published in 2005. It is part of a story I started writing back in the early1990s. This dates from probably 1991 when I was working third shift.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Prologue 

The silence of the pre-dawn morning was broken only by the occasional car or truck passing on the snow-slick two-lane highway. A car slowed to a crawl as if closing in upon its prey. The rear end slid a little as the sedan skidded to a stop. The darkness was broken by the white flash of backup lights as the vehicle slowly backed up four dozen yards and turned into a narrow driveway. The sounds of a straining engine could be heard through the barely falling snow as the car lumbered through the mud and slush. The headlights bounced up and down and side to side in duplication of the rutted road. Snowflakes danced in the twin beams like chorus girls in the spotlight. Round and round they spun, climbing and falling to the ground in the wake of the slowly moving automobile.

The car coasted to a stop in front of a run-down farmhouse. The roof was partially caved in and the awning over the porch had long since been consumed as firewood. The glow of a cigarette could be vaguely seen through the frosted windows of the idling car. The engine cut out as the door opened. A short figure in a bulky overcoat climbed out of the dark vehicle. The cigarette arced a path through the darkness as it was flipped into the distance. The man looked to the east as the first rays of dawn began to spread their pink and orange fingers through the clouds of the night sky. It had stopped snowing. The man's breath made clouds around his head in the early morning cold. 

The man huddled next to the car until the sun began to peak over the horizon. He opened his trousers and relieved himself on the left rear tire before clearing his throat and spitting in the direction of the vanished cigarette. He slowly made his way toward the house.

The man mounted the sagging steps, hesitated and ducked through the doorless entryway. The sun’s weak rays provided just enough light for the figure to navigate the littered hallway. He made his way to what was the front living room. The television set and VCR were strangely incongruous in the surroundings.

He started the gas-powered generator. Its sound filled the early morning air. The man involuntarily winced at the noise. He lit another Camel and turned on the TV. Static changed to a blue screen as the VCR powered on. The tape was over after three minutes. He poured steaming coffee from a large green Thermos and went to the corner to relieve himself yet again. He sat down and watched the tape twice more.

His assignment was clear. The Vice President of the United States was to attend the “Greatest Spectacle in Sports” – the Indianapolis 500 in just four and one half months hence. In May the Indianapolis 500 gets top attention in the papers: not this year. This year the Vice President would be assassinated while attending the race. The man in the bulky overcoat watched the film yet again. The man would go to Indianapolis tomorrow and begin laying the plan to kill the heir apparent to the Presidency.

He picked up all of his cigarette butts and placed them in his pocket. From his briefcase, he took a wad of plastic-like gel. He first stuck the plastique to the side of the generator and then added a detonator. He was seven miles away on the interstate when the farmhouse disintegrated into a ball of flame.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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