August 31, 2005

Free Sex

A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, “Free Sex with Fill-Up”.

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time.

Again the proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No it ain’t, Billy Ray. I know it ain’t rigged ’cause my wife won

twice last week!!

Hoosier Blog Alliance

Check it out here. he's looking for conservative Hoosier Bloggers.

Only for you, Alli, 'cause you asked nice. What do you say, Delftsman, Mammamontezz?

Human Nature

I have been accused by many, including my wife, of being a cold hearted asshole. I rarely have much compassion for others. I am sure it is a major character flaw. I have to admit the devastation in Mississippi and the deep south leaves me speechless, saddened by the epic loss in property and life. Mother Nature is a fickle bitch.

This disaster further convinces me that the libertarians, and the Anarchists and the Communists are all wrong. A society free of restrictions, government policing, and mores cannot exist. Man is basically a lawless barbarian and as soon as the societal barriers are removed he returns to the greedy thieving animal that lies deep in his soul.

Reports show that looting was going on during the worst of the storm. People were willing to risk their life to steal the property of others. That is sad and sickening. Stealing to live, to feed your children is borderline. Stealing TVs, jewelry and wholesale destruction just for the sake of thievery is beyond comment. These are sick humans, mere wolves in the sheep's hide of civilization. They should be identified, tried and shot. These people are beyond despicable and have no redeeming qualities that qualify them to remain in the bounds of civilization. Eons ago these vermin would be shunned, cast off to survive for themselves in wilds. Now that shunning and excommunication are no longer an option, execution is the next best alternative.

Harsh, yes. Judgmental, yes. A person who takes advantage of others' misfortune deserves no protection of that same societies' laws. Civilization has formed restrictions on behavior (laws) based on the collective ideals of the whole. We do not murder, we do not steal, we do not hurt children. Pretty basic. If you are unable to follow these simple rules, you should no longer be allowed to participate in society. Take a good look at the situation and tell me again why I do not need a gun to protect my family and my property. When polite society and law breaks down due to natural or civil disaster, war, whatever, we must have the means to protect ourselves.

It is clear to any that read the posts on this blog that I am a conservative, I believe when it comes to government interference into our lives the less, the better. The thieving scum in New Orleans and elsewhere have made me realize that we must have some government, if only to protect us from ourselves.

August 30, 2005

Thank You United Nations and People of the World

I want to be one of the first to thank the UN and all the nations of the world that have rushed to aid the US after the devastation of Katrina. The food, water and materiel pales to the financial and personnel aid you have given us to rebuild. I am amazed, as I look out my windows at the driving rain that was once Katrina, that so many have come forward to help our nation in its time of need.

What? No one has come forward? (chirp, chirp of crickets).

I'll be damned.

Have you ever seen a redneck birthday cake?

Bumper Sticker of the Week

August 29, 2005


We were at a fraternity party. It was summer and the party was at the residence of a rich alumnus. We were in a private neighborhood in Ogden Beach, Indiana. The house opened right onto the shore of Lake Michigan. There was lots of beer, booze, cigars and food. The ribs were succulent, sticky and sweet. They were tender enough to fall off the bone. There were brats and burgers and hot dogs. Did I mention the beer?

Four of us rode together in an old VW, not the new slick looking ones. Dave, and Caroline, my girlfriend (now my wife)and me. This was the stone age, man, 1980 or '81. If memory serves, the day was beautiful, the water almost as cold as the kegs of beer.

We partied it up, had a great time. Soon it was time to leave. Caroline was your stereotypical blond, pretty and dumb. I am not just saying that, she was dumb. She was in several of my classes in high school. She got by through asking boys to "help" her with (aka do)her homework. She also got boys to help her cheat on tests. Perhaps she was not so dumb after all. I never liked her much, she did not waste time with me, I was too poor, too dorky, not popular enough, or likely, just not handsome enough.

By late afternoon it was time to head for home. We piled in the car; all of us more or less inebriated. Caroline was pretty far gone. Driving down the highway, windows down, she suddenly announced she was going to be sick. Caroline reached to the floor and had the foresight to empty her stomach into a towel. As Dave began to slow the car, she suddenly waved the puke filled towel out the window. Did I mention it was an old VW, the kind with no air conditioner? Did I mention the windows were all down? Perhaps I told you I was sitting in the back seat behind the ditzy blond? Those of you who know physics will know what happened next, the puke flew out of the towel, right back in through the back window and right into my face. Chunks of ribs, potato salad, beer and more chunks of ribs mixed with stomach acid

I immediately puked on the floor. My girlfriend immediately vomited on the floor on her side. Dave got the vehicle stopped. The smell of vomit engulfed the little car. Caroline puked again, all over herself, all over the passenger seat, all over the dash. My girlfriend managed to open her door before she puked again.

We used beach towels, blankets, pieces of sacking, and my T-shirt to clean up the mess, throwing it all in the ditch beside the road. Yes, I know, littering and all of that -- special reactions to special circumstances.

It took me more than a decade to eat barbecued anything after that day. It took probably 15 years before I could eat ribs. I have to admit I love ribs now. Funny, I do not like, even now, to drink beer when I eat barbecued foods.

Man, it WAS a great party!

To quote the kids of today..."that's how how we rolled in my day".


Overheard at the breakfast table:

"Mom, I need some more cereal".

"What kind do you want?"

"Captian Crunch, the kind with the dingleberries".

Insert obligatory spit take here. Now cleaning up the coffe spit all over my side of the table.

From both, "What?"

August 28, 2005

I am not a whiner

Rob at Hometown Conservative has created a quiz to see if you are a leftist whiner:

Not a whiner!
You are 0% Leftist whiner.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Leftist Whiner
Link: The Are You A Leftist Whiner? Test written by jimrob4 on Ok Cupid

What ever happened to Cinderella?

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"? The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother".

The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."

August 27, 2005

Billy Jack

I just finished watching one of the great all-time hippie movies: Billy Jack. I first saw this movie when it became a mega hit at the theaters in about 1972 or so. I was in 5th grade. My brother and I went to see the movie. Of course for weeks afterwards we were reenacting the famous "I'm going to take my right foot..." scene repeatedly. I am sure we were admonished to "knock it off" and Quit that shit" by our parents. You know kids. My older brother took a kick at my stomach and I insticntively put out my hands to block the kick. Long story short my right index finger was shattered, the bone driven through the knuckle into the back of my hand.

If you have never seen the movie it is a riot today. It has all the hippie themes of the day; anti war, anti violence, why can't we just get along. We get a dose of of PETA when Billy stops the senseless slaughter of wild horses. We have racism and mysticism and poor Indians. The townspeople just want to take away rights from good dope smoking "kids". The parents are assholes, and the rich people are the villains. The theme is "Man, if everyone would just dig our scene and like, embrace love and peace, the world would be a wonderful place." Even the ugly hippie that runs the school shows she is a true pacifist when she refuses to give into revenge after she is raped. But Billy is a true badass and gets the bad guy in the end.

The theme song, a catchy tune by coven sums it up, "go ahead and hate your neighbors go ahead and cheat a friend, do it in the name of Heaven, you can justify it in the end..."

I tell you what, I have this overwhelming urge to put a flower in my hair and go to San Francisco. Next up I think I'll watch Hamburger Hill. No, maybe Animal House is in order, just for a dose of reality.

Plumbers, carpenters I need your help

I have a fiberglass, standup shower in my master bath. For some time now the floor has been cracked. I keep the cracks filled with caulk and lately with aquarium caulk. They do OK, but need replaced every 6 weeks or so. The cracks are getting wider.

Does anyone know how to fix this problem? Replacing the shower is not an option at this time.

The difficulty with having babies in Kentucky

Deep in the back woods,of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think theres another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems theres yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

August 26, 2005

Today in History

August 26, 1920 the 19th Amendment was signed into the US Constitution by Sec. of State Bainbridge Colby.

Section 1. The right of the citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Comments will be accepted.

Traveling anti -war rally

Cindy Sheehan says she wants to take her anti-war rally on the road. I have decided I need to get a more open mind, I have contacted her to be her driver.

OK Cindy, Time to come out and do your anti-war speech....

Friday Joke

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God "I could eat," she replied.
So, God opened a can of tuna, unwrapped a loaf of rye bread, and they began to share it.

While eating the humble tuna sandwich, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasant and pastries.
Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day, God invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying
lamb, turkey and apple pie. Still, she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful
to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven, all I get is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the other
place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it."

God sighed: "Let's be honest, Teresa. For two people, it just doesn't pay to cook."

August 25, 2005

1980s redux

Early in the 1980s my girlfriend and I went to the Elliot Hall of Music at Purdue to see a concert. EHM is a formal auditorium designed for choral and philharmonic-type concerts.

We were going to see the Flock of Seagulls and the Go-Gos. Yes, my girlfriend (now my wife) loved these new wave type bands. She had the big hair and the mini skirt and was looking hot. I was dressed in my normal manner at that time -- jeans and a t-shirt. I am confident I wore either Asics (Onitsuka) tennis shoes or work boots. Yes, faithful readers, I was grunge before grunge became popular! The sad fact is I dress pretty much the same today. My hair was short and cut conservatively unlike the guys in the warm up band (FOS).

We got to our seats, and there was one guy between us and the Aisle. You know the type -- he heard concert and he was going! Long hair, jeans, stoned, he looked more like he was going to see Ted Nugent or Rush, rather than some semi-punk bands. He looked at me and shouted "party!" He offered me a hit from his hip flask. I politely declined. I guess he thought I was one of his type. He was probably right.

Most of the crowd was dressed in the style of the day -- funky hair, bright colors, long suit coats, baggy pants. The girls sported big, curly hair, miniskirts and tight pants. There were a few jumpsuits and lots of taffeta. Bangles and bracelets adorned every female arm. Granny boots and brightly colored tennis shoes were the order of the day. Bows sprouted from hair and shoes.

The lights dimmed and the band started playing. Some people began to slam dance in the aisles. This is the precursor to today's mosh pit. Of course everyone was standing. Sometime during the concert, I am not sure when, but I think early, the party guy next to me leaned over and said "The next one of these assholes that bumps me, I am going to deck him". I have to be honest, I am a little fuzzy on most details of the concert. I am 90+ percent sure I consumed a lot of beer the afternoon of, and on the way to the concert. That is how I spent nearly every weekend and most weekdays at that time.

I remember bopping to the beat, enjoying myself when I felt a push on my left side. I turned just to see the party guy reach back and punch some spiked hair, leather wearing student right in the nose. Blood erupted all around. I put my hand out to push my girl back, I moved to the the defense of the party guy. There was no way I was going to watch someone go down in a 6 to 1 fight. He pushed on another guy and shouted "I said just stay away from me with that crazy dancin' shit". The dancers backed slowly away from this madman.

For the rest of the concert we had a bubble of space around the end of our row as the slam dancers banged into each other elsewhere.

I am pretty sure I enjoyed the Go-Gos. Hell, those girls were HOT.


Two press releases you should read. Does anyone know what is unique about Wabash College (besides being the Hoosierboy's Alma Mater)? Hint: my daughter did not go there.

1).Wabash College is one of the nation’s best institutions for undergraduate education, according to The Princeton Review. The New York-based education services company features the college in The Best 361 Colleges, the new 2006 edition of its annual "best colleges" guide.

Only about 15% of the four-year colleges in America and two Canadian colleges are in the book. It has two-page profiles on the schools and student survey-based ranking lists of top 20 colleges in the book in various categories.

"President Andy Ford's mantra of 'students first' comes through loud and clear in these rankings," says Steve Klein, dean of admissions at Wabash. "The Wabash community takes considerable pride in the attention it gives to undergraduates and their educational experience. If families are looking for a college with those values, they ought to listen to what our students are saying through the Princeton Review."

2).Wabash College is one of "America’s 25 Hottest Colleges" according to the 2006 edition of the Kaplan/Newsweek College Guide. The guide says, "This year's ‘Hottest Schools’ deserve individual recognition for their best qualities, such as specialty programs, state-of-the-art facilities or comprehensive financial-aid packages. Their shared attribute? All are creating buzz among students, a broad array of educators and admissions experts, and each is effectively preparing students for the complex world."

The popular college guide, prepared by Kaplan in conjunction with Newsweek, hits news stands August 22. In addition to descriptions of the 25 "Hottest Colleges," the guide features college planning tips and ideas on how best to select a college.

Wabash is also ranked 51st in U.S.News & World Report’s annual rankings of national liberal arts colleges.

August 24, 2005

Public Service Warning

Subject: Deer tick warning


I hate it when people post bogus warnings ... but this one is real, and it's important.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!

IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

They are coming to take you away, haha

I recently changed the subtitle on this blog. It used to read "You would be paranoid too, if everyone was out to get you." That has long been one of my favorite sayings. Unfortunately it also reflects some of the thinkings of the leftist moonbats out there.

Consider this complete lunatic. According to the article Maralyn Lois Polak is a Philadelphia-based journalist, screenwriter, essayist, novelist, editor, spoken-word artist, performance poet and occasional radio personality. I guess we would have to label her somewhat mainstream, yet she has become so focused on her hatred of all things Bush she has become as unbalanced as her hero Cindy Sheehan.

Polak actually goes so far as to assert that Karl Rove caused Cindy Sheehan's mother's stroke. She also believes Rove somehow is behind the divorce filing by Sheehan's husband. The fact Sheehan has gone bat-shit crazy I guess never entered this "journalists" mind. Somehow Rove is behind the counter protests, and it was that same evil genius that convinced the neighbor ajoining Bush's ranch to become angry with the protestors trodding all over his land and blocking his drive.

This Rove is something else indeed. What I do not understand, if he is a power hungry evil genius, why doesn't he just take control of the Government himself? Why use Bush as a front man? If you have the power to cause strokes in the ranks of your enemy, getting Teddy "swimmer" Kennedy drunk enough to drive himself off a bridge should be no problem. Planting an intern to discredit the Clinton's was easy, why can't Rove just cause Bin Laden's mother to suffer a stroke, then arrange for the terrorist mastermind's capture when he comes to visit?

If Polak represents the state of mind in the Democratic Party today, we should be very afraid. THEY are on to us Conservatives. Next they might find out about all the technology we stole from the flying saucers stored out at Area 51. They will learn that evil Republicans were behind the Kennedy assassinations (Karl Rove mind control over Oswald and Sirhan Sirhan). I am really afraid that Polak and her ilk are near to discovering that G. Gordon Liddy and his bunch are behind Casey Sheehan's death in an evil scheme to get at his mother, who knew TOO MUCH!

Next, Polak will expose Rove's evil, long term plan to kill off the dinosaurs, turn their flesh and bones to carbon and then oil, so Haliburton/Shell/Standard Oil/Mobile/Exxon can charge us outrageous gas prices and give us a reason to attack friendly, peaceful kite-flying Iraqis. Be careful, Ms. Polak, the black helicopters are coming for YOU...

August 23, 2005

Your brain is smarter than you think

I have seen this several times before and I never cease to be amazed at the power of the human mind:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt

Do you fly USAIR?

This is scary for anyone who travels
frequently by plane!!!! Actual crack in a US Airways
DC-9 window frame! Fliers beware of the sub standard
maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on. You
won't believe this when you see it, this is an actual
crack that was found in the window frame on a DC-9.
This could have caused a major in-flight problem! I
sent this to a friend in aircraft certification to see
what action the FAA could take on this problem.

I was going to institute the whole jump page thing, but to be honest it was way too much work for one little sight gag. If you looked at the picture before reading the text .. sorry.

Men are such pigs

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much to bite them..............."

August 22, 2005

Chapter 11, where the Hoosierboy is humbled by his lack of talent

One of the things I like best about traveling the blog world is I get to read some truly talented writers. Take Yossarian for instance, here are a few tidbits that I find hilarious, poignant, and brilliant:

If my life were set to music, I'd bet there wouldn’t be any panties being thrown on the stage.

I hope if we ever have a class war, math gets its ass kicked.

Could it be that today she looked that good? Or was it that I found drinking beer for breakfast makes the whole day painless?

Great shit, huh?

Purdue wants your child to be a snitch.

Purdue University is moving toward a near complete ban on smoking. This is continuing a trend all over the country.

I have two concerns with this policy. First the ban is based on "concerns over second hand smoke". There has been one study done on the effects of second hand smoke, it was done in the 1970's and has been proven disingenuous; bad research at best. The entire study has been repeatedly discredited. Secondly, I am really concerned about the School's policy of encouraging students to rat out smokers. Tattling is a nasty habit in a 6 year old. It is intolerable in an adult. Snitching is high on my list of nevers. To actively report a wrong-doing smacks of hall monitors and power hungry patrol boys. There is a clear difference in reporting a bank robbery, or murder. But to call and report smokers has the ring of communist and totalitarian regimes. What next are we to report eating of Big Macs to the fat police? Are we going to call campus police to report underage drinking? Should students notify the Authorities that a student in McCutcheon Hall is a closet IU fan? Call the Purdue version of the KGB, my roommate might be having premarital sex! Look, if no one is getting hurt, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I do not smoke cigarettes. I hate the smell, and do not enjoy being around smokers. I favor a restaurant that is smoke free. When I smoke a cigar, it is generally outside. Smokers could go a long way by just being polite. This oppression is a problem. According to Purdue, cigarettes are so bad they cannot be consumed within 30 feet of anything. I guess we will soon see Purdue students flocking to the rural fields of Tippecanoe County to smoke amidst the soybeans and harvested corn.

If the product is so dangerous and harmful to public health, it should be outlawed, made illegal as crack, marked as dangerous for human consumption as carbolic acid. Cigarettes should be treated like asbestos and black lung. It will not happen, cities and states make too much tax revenue from this horrible, death causing product.

Purdue Students -- stand up, do not snitch. Protest. Smoke in your room, light up in the restroom, burn one in the hallway of the Student Union. Dump your butts in the parking lot of Mackey Arena or Earhart Hall. Stage a smoke-in at Carry Quad. Remember nothing is more satisfying than a childish act of rebellion!

Beer, naked girls, and a night on the town in Hamburg

The setting was Hamburg, Germany. We had just finished a very nice meal. The group was four colleagues, all friends. We drank lots of beer and had some great conversation. It was decided we would go a few blocks and visit the red light district. Two of us were Americans, and had little experience with such an environment.

As we neared the district, the nightclubs and bars became more frequent. Sex shops replaced dress shops. This was the thriving party scene of Hamburg, this is where the Beatles earned their chops. We passsed a police station, a drunk was pissing on the side wall. As we found a place to park, couples staggered down the street.

We entered the walled-off area of the red light district. My friend told me the terse looking German painted in 12" letters said the block was off limits to women and children. The storefront displayed the enticing wares just like any department store. Some of the ladies wore negligees, some were naked. Most looked bored. Some smoked, some looked like they were stoned. Most were nubile, attractive, a few were older. At least one was heavy, her ponderous breasts swaying as she yelled at passersby. I tried not to look like the tourist I was, but to be honest we were all just window shopping.

We moved out through the gate at the other end. We began looking for a bar, Looking at naked whores can sure make you thirsty. Girls lined the sidewalk. "Hey, buy me a drink". "Want to come to my room?" "Want some company?" We are propositioned in German and English every ten steps. A girl slips her arm in mine. I look at her, she is about 25 and drop dead gorgeous. She wears glasses and has brown hair. She smiles at me and asks in heavily accented English if I want to go to her room. I must have practically had 'tourist -- American' printed on my forehead. Did I mention she was beautiful? I tell her no. She is gone in an instant. My German friend says most of these girls are Russian.

We go to a strip club. It is a weeknight and there are few customers. Clearly the "A" team is not performing. A girl sits beside me and asks my name. I make one up and pretend I can only speak French. I turn sideways a little and ignore her. We (the two Germans and I) are having a nice discussion about the Franco Prussian War. James, the young engineer, begins to talk to the girl. I only notice this from the corner of my brain. The three of us are all of an age; kids, work, etc. The other, James, is young 25 or so, just out of school. He has no interest in history. I think he wants to hire a hooker, but is too embarrased or afraid.

It is time to leave. We pay up. Suddenly, the girl is there with the bartender. A big bouncer is hovering in the background. James is livid, he has been billed $150 for a bottle of Champaign. He foolishly bought the girl a drink and let her choose. Of course, the three of us think the situation is hilarious, until Jim said he did not have that much money on him. The Germans engage in a heated discussion with the bartender. The girl gets very loud, shouting guttural German and pointing at James. My buddies tell him he has to pay. James gives his company credit card to the barman after we promise that he can claim that night and the next several nights as business dinners. We reluctantly agree, knowing we are now out for the next several meals from our own pocket. A cheap price to pay for the ability to humiliate the poor guy for months to come. He still gets red in the face if you ask him in a fake "Schultzie" accent to 'buy me ze trink, beeg boy?'

August 21, 2005

I should be ashamed

A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man's penis off. Angrily, she tossed it out of the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man along with his 6-year-old
daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.

Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, " was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a
moment she said... "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

August 20, 2005

Never ask about your lover's past

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her
nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Morality Test Answers

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER...., I like my Brother's answer better: run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

I just love happy endings.

August 19, 2005

A morality test

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used a part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


Tacking... Larboard side

Ok, how about we try a new approach. I will listen to anything you have to say about how awful and illegal and immoral the War in Iraq and Afgahanistan is as soon as you barking moonbats show me definative proof you felt that the War in the Balkans was also illegal, immoral and awful.

Were you asking Ol Blowjob about his exit plans? Show me proof you saw a connection between the Balkans and any American interest. Explain to me how we were there for nealy ten years when Ol Blowjob swore we would be there only for one year. Can you show me proof you were against our illegal invasion of Haiti?

Could it be you are only against war when a Rebublican is in office?

Just wondering.

A tapeworm in America's bowels

Grampapinhead has a great post on just what is wrong with the UN.

We need to get the UN out of the US. It is run by corrupt, America hating, Jew hating, Capitalist hating, self serving socialists. We do not need the UN, it has not successfully stopped or prevented a single war in its history. Good riddence, I say.

That is the UN, just a big old tapeworm in America's bowels.

August 18, 2005


I am a salesman. Not in the sense you think, I call on established businesses providing components they need. I have called on the same group of customers for many years. I do not get paid a commission. I like my job, and I believe I am reasonably good at it. Some days /weeks/ years are better than others. Such is life.

I never had a dream of being a salesman. Not 20 years ago, not ten years ago, not 10 minutes ago. I was offered the job because people in management saw something in me. I rewarded them for their faith by growing the business by 190% in three years. If I were to win the lottery I would not come back to work at this tomorrow.

When I first went to school I thought I wanted to be a lawyer. Then a teacher. Mostly, I just liked researching history. Not many jobs there. Unlike many people, I have never bought into the whole "goal" scenario in planning my life. The "where do you want to be in 5 years" question on employee evaluations always seemed a little murky to me. "Employed" was what I wanted to write, but smartass answers on the self assessment portion of employee evaluations tend to piss off the ER people who make up those things. My goal is to make as much money as possible for as little pain as possible. I will give you 100%, make no doubt. Notice I said for as little pain as possible, not as little work as possible. But I work for the money. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. See how long they keep coming to the office or jobsite when they do not get that check.

I guess I am not telling the truth when I say I have no goals. I do have one. It is not something I go around telling people. I am not good looking, or smart, or artistic, or talented. I set myself a goal to compensate. I want to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation about any subject, any time. Of course, I am not there. I keep trying. 1960's music, Ok. The campaign to relieve Gordon in the Sudan -- got you covered. Life estimates of ball bearings in the mast of forklift trucks -- (heh heh) I can bore you to death. History, religion, politics, sports, can probably not embarrass myself. I am no expert, but a jack of all knowledge.

You see, I KNOW how little I know. That is why I try to keep on learning. I have said it before on this site -- education is a lifelong process, I do not intend to stammer around at your dinner party unable to talk about the role of the rifled musket in the Napoleonic Wars or the effects of too much austenite in bearing grade steel. You will not find me slackjawed when you talk about the Residenz in Wurtzburg or the latest assholery of T. Owens.

I may not know much about any of those things, but I can keep the conversation going. You can bet if you do get me in a conversation about a subject I have little knowledge, I will be prepared next time. That, my friends, is where the fun is in life. Now if I can just get someone to pay me to research, or talk, or blog, or tell jokes...

Jackal babies eat puke

We were greeted on the news with the country-wide Mother Sheehan candlelight vigils last night and this morning. It is clear a great many people do not understand who this woman is or what she stands for.

"Why won't President Bush just talk to this poor woman" asked one woman. Well maybe because he has met with her. Perhaps her insistence that Bush atone for "killing" her son, or that he tell her she does not have to pay taxes or that she has stated she wishes Bush would die. I do not know, do you want to meet with a crazy woman? Besides the obvious fact that her son volunteered, she is becoming a rabid, America hating anti-Semite. What, you do not believe me? Read this. These are her own words. Is her beef really with the War, or just a long-standing hatred of the President and Republican Party? As usual, Anne Coulter hits the nail square and deep:

On the bright side, Sheehan shows us what Democrats would say if they thought they were immunized from disagreement. Sheehan has called President Bush "that filth-spewer and warmonger." She says "America has been killing people on this continent since it was started" and "the killing has gone on unabated for over 200 years." She calls the U.S. government a "morally repugnant system" and says, "This country is not worth dying for." I have a feeling every time this gal opens her trap, Michael Moore gets a residuals check.

My question to all of you candle waving, crying, lets support Mother Sheehan types --is this really what you believe? Is this what you support? Do you really think America is not worth dying for? Do you think the suicide bombers that blow up innocent children and civilians in Tel Aviv are in the right? Do you think the Bush twins should be killed? If you agree with any of these positions, I am truly sorry for you. I will send you money to pay for you to relocate to the county of your choice. I will pray for you, because you are a terrorist supporting appeasing jackal. You should know jackals eat their momma's puke and that is exactly what "Mother" Sheehan is spewing -- puke, filth, vomit, and hate.

August 17, 2005


On this beautiful day, while you were working going to school, doing the mundane activities that make up your day, I was playing golf.


August 16, 2005

Sherman was right and so was Scipio.

As I mentioned below there have been some very interesting posts and comments over on Gut Rumbles about the Civil War and slavery. One item pops up on occasion about the villainous William Tecumseh Sherman and his march to the sea. This plan was conceived by George Thomas, who if you read my archives, is one of my all time heroes. I named my oldest boy after him. He was a Southern Boy who believed that saving the Union was paramount to any consideration, but I digress.

The "rape" of Georgia and South Carolina by Union troops was a time-proven method of waging war. After four years, the North was sick of the waste of life and resources. The Confederate Government had become a joke, Jefferson Davis ruled with a totalitarian, socialist stranglehold on the States of the Confederacy. Conscription, taking of private property, the suspension of Rights were all done in the name of war. Many of the abuses heaped upon Lincoln happened right in the heart of the South as well. There was only one way to end the conflict sooner rather than later: the people of the South had to pay. The horrid butcher bill of the Wilderness, Cold Harbor, Petersburg and Nashville so soured the Southern military that the order to surrender unconditionally was met by little resistance.

The destruction of property, farms, food, factories and the means of living so demoralized the general population of the deep South and Shenadoah Valley that they were only too happy to end the war. Fighting men concerned about the safety of their loved ones make poor soldiers. This method has proven effective against the South, the Indians in many wars, and to a lesser degree in Vietnam and Germany of WW II.

Right now many who decry Sherman's actions would like to see us put into place a similar policy in the Sunni Triangle and against terrorist strongholds in Afghanistan. As we celebrated the Anniversary of V-J day many of us wrote of the necessity of dropping the A bomb on Japan. We supported the decision as the right thing, saving US soldiers lives in the long run. Is there so much difference between the men of the Enola Gay and W.T. Sherman?

Grant, Sherman, Thomas, and Sheridan where are you? We must become willing to wage total war against our enemies. Let us go back to the Bush Doctrine after 9/11. Root out all terrorists. Destroy them root and stalk. We must be willing to destroy their food, the arms, their sustenance. We should turn their homes to dust. No longer can we turn a blind eye to Hamas, the Chechen Rebels, to Syria, Iran and North Korea. Terrorism and all who support it must be destroyed.

Rome had to fight Carthage repeatedly. Finally they had enough, the Carthaginian Solution. They destroyed the army of Carthage at Cannae, then they destroyed the city; plowed it under salt. Carthage was no more forever. It is time we adopted a Carthaginian solution for terrorists. History may not be kind, just ask Sherman. He was right, yet he is still somewhat vilified. It is time we recognized we are in a war of culture, of religion, of freedom. There is no compromise, no appeasement. It just may be time for the Carthaginian Solution.

whoa, that is erie...

I have not posted one of these goofy things in a long time. This one is erie in its accuracy.

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

Hoosierboy on History

Acidman has several posts over the last few days about slavery and history in general. In my archives (you hunt it, I am too lazy) I had a several posts about the Civil war and Lincoln. I am a historian by education and avocation. I love to study history and I often get lost in research, on the internet and at the library. I own hundreds of volumes of non-fiction covering many periods of history. As an example, here is what you would find if you look at the bookshelf closest to my desk:

La Provencia di Torrino (coffee table book from my boss)
Apache Wars by E. Lisle Reedstrom
Brave Men's Blood by Ian Knight(Zulu Wars)
Uncle Sam's Little Wars (Span-Am, Philippines, Boxer Rebellion)by John Langellior
Napoleon on Napoleon (duh)
To the Bitter End by Emanoel Lee (Zulu Wars)
Chickamauga 1863 ed by Military Book Club
World Almanac and Book of Facts
The Waterloo Campaign by Albert Nofi
Fearful Hard Times by Ian castle and Ian Knight (Zulu Wars)
Last Stand famous battles against the odds by Bryan Perrett
Decisive factors in 20 Great Battles by William Seymour
D-Day by Stephen Ambrose
Citizen Soldiers by Stephen Ambrose
1812 - Napoleon's Russian Campaign by Richard Riehn
By the Dim and Flaring Lamps the Civil War Diary of Samuel McIlvane
No Better Place to Die by Peter Cozzens (Battle of Stone's River)
The Washing of the Spears by Donald Morris (Zulu Wars)
Dictionary of Military Biography Wordsworth reference
Queen Victoria's Little Wars
Mr. Kipling's Army all three by Byron Farwell
Eminent Victorian Soldiers
At Dawn We Slept by Gordon Prange
The Great Sioux War 1876-77 by Paul Hedren
Diary of a Deadman by Ira Pettit (Andersonville)
To Win the Winter Sky by Danny Parker (air war in the Ardennes 1944-45)
When the Odds Were Even by Keith Bonn (Vosges Campaign 1944-45)
The Philippine war 1899-1902 by Brian Linn

This is a tiny sampling of my collection and readings. The point -- I would guess I have studied History more than most. I don't know shit. I do know that we can never predict the future from History. We can only study history to learn the lessons from the past. For instance, we can learn that appeasement does not work. It did not work for the French against the Prussians. It did not work with Hitler. Yet, here we go appeasing terrorist shit turds in Gaza, and there are some who think appeasement will work against the terrorist in Iraq. Maybe we should study what happened when cities paid the massive tribute to Gengis Khan (Temujin). He took the money then slaughtered the inhabitants of the cities anyway!

History does have a way of repeating. We can take nearly any situation in today's world and we can find a similar event in History. Sadly, man will likely make the same mistakes the second and third time around.

August 15, 2005

Monday Grab bag

For those who think that appeasing terrorist will bring peace consider Hamas actions to the Jewish settlements closing in Gaza. This is a stupid move from the Israeli Government and will only encourage more attacks, in the twisted logic of the Palestinian Terrorists, they have won, this is a victory for terrorism. They feel they have forced the Jews out. Now they will keep it up:

In a rare press conference this morning, Hamas leaders declared the withdrawal a victory for terrorism, and vowed to continue fighting Israel until "all territories" are "liberated."

Can we call this Sheehan woman what she is: a crazy woman. She has become a pawn of the hate Bush / hate America crowd. There is no need for further evidence she has gone of the deep end than when she claims she does not have to pay taxes because her son died WTF?

My son was killed in 2004. I am not paying my taxes for 2004," Sheehan told an audience of Veterans for Peace. "You killed my son, George Bush, and I don't owe you a penny. ... You give my son back and I'll pay my taxes. Come after me [for back taxes] and we'll put this war on trial."

Sheehan continues with the same old tired crap -- "blood for oil. For the last time, if we invaded Iraq to get their oil, we must be the most incompetent imperialists in history. Oil is fucking $70 per barrel, and more than $2.50 a gallon.

"And the other thing I want him to tell me is 'just what was the noble cause Casey died for?' Was it freedom and democracy? Bullsh--! He died for oil. He died to make your friends richer. He died to expand American imperialism in the Middle East.

Finally, this barking Moonbat buys into the "just give in and all will be well" mindset of the Jews of Europe in the 1930's. See above -- give in to terrorists and see what happens.
We're not freer here, thanks to your Patriot Act. Iraq is not free. You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you'll stop the terrorism,"
she said.

PALESTINE never existed. The Jews can not give back what never was. She clearly has lost the scope of her grief and has become an embarrassment to the memory of her son, and a tool of the Hate Americans. So sad.

For an excellent post regarding Israel and Palestime check out GuyK


A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and pull the tooth and be done with it--I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--this sure is a brave man, asking to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."

August 14, 2005

Three War Soldier

David Allen was an ordinary man of his times. His life was extraordinary by our standards. Born in Clinton County Indiana on March 15, 1843, Allen was 18 when he enlisted in the 10th Indiana Infantry at the beginning of The Civil War. He served through the three-month call-up and then reenlisted for the duration in the same regiment.

Allen served as an aide-de camp to Generals Steadman, Scoefield, and Brannon. He was severely wounded at Chickamauga as a second lieutenant of Company C, 10th Indiana.

The next 30 years saw Allen succeed in business; he helped found a bank and a railroad. He dabbled in politics. When the War with Spain loomed he began organizing the men of Clinton County. They formed a militia and then got themselves assigned to the 2nd Regiment, Indiana National Guard. When the telegram was sent from President McKinley calling out the National Guard, Allen was ready; his men jumped aboard the Monon train to Indianapolis by 6:00 am, arriving at Camp Morton (the current State Fairgrounds) before anyone else. The men climbed the fence and were setting up their tents when the Colonel of the 2nd, Harry Smith, arrived. The Unit was mustered into US service as the 158th Indiana Volunteer Regiment. Allen was named captain of Company C. The troops were sent to Camp Thomas at Chickamauga. The 158th were slated for the invasion of Puerto Rico, but scrubbed at the last minute. The troops mustered out and went home when the Spanish surrendered.

Less than a year later, as the Philippine Insurrection continued, Allen led 200 men from his native county to Jefferson Barracks in St. Louis. There he was told that the long-standing practice of forming regiments and companies from geographical areas was being abandoned. Allen was livid, he made a nuisance of himself until a company of his contingent was mustered as Company I 38th US Volunteers. This was the last time a company would be formed from local men. Those from AllenĂ‚’s group of more than 200 men enlisted in other regiments or companies. Many were sent to China to quell the Boxer Rebellion.

Allen and the 38th Infantry saw significant action in the Philippines. They fought several actions around Batangas Province, and battledinsurgentss andguerrillass. Allen and the rest returned in 1901. Major Allen died in 1911, a veteran of three wars. David F. Allen of Frankfort, Clinton County, Indiana was a true hero.

My great-grandfather, whose portrait in his Span Am uniform graces the wall of my office, was one of the men who traveled with Allen to St. Louis and served in Company I, 38th United States Volunteer Infantry.

August 13, 2005

Bathroom etiquette, or please rip out my eyes

The wife and I went to see The Dukes of Hazard last night, All three kids were gone, and we were bored. We had seen nearly everything else playing at the Old Cineplex, so that was about our only choice.

The movie was exactly what you would expect. I had never seen the TV show, so I am not sure if the plot was reworked, original, etc. Jessica Simpson looks good, but she could not act her way out of a paper bag.

Anyway, this post is not intended to be a movie review. I want to talk about what came after. I headed to the head to get rid of my $5.00 of coke. I was standing at the urinal when this piece of white trash, maybe in his late 20s or early 30s comes in a moves to the urinal right next to me. This, I should not have to say, is bad etiquette since there were other urinals open. He proceeded to drop his pants, boxers, everything. He stood at the urinal, pants around his ankles and took a piss. His big ole' white ass shining for the world to see. As I headed to wash my hands he farted a nasty wet-sounding cloud of methane. As I headed out the door, he was still standing there, left arm in the air while his right hand dug at the armpit. Crab hunting? [insert here shudder].

I guess I never watched the Dukes of Hazard when it made its run on TV because I could see white trash rednecks all around me (and sometimes right in the mirror!).

I saw a man...

There was this man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.

He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."

August 12, 2005


1. Go read this at momamontezz's place.

2.My kind of Marine

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she ask quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose, and that I was just about to make my selection for this flight."

August 11, 2005

Impeach Breyer

Justice Breyer must be immediately impeached. He has publicly admitted he not only knowingly makes wrong decisions, he uses documents other than the US Constitution when deciding cases. He has sworn an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. Subverting the Constitution in favor of "world law" is a violation of that oath.

Taking his vacation home is not enough. He should immediately resign or Congress should begin impeachment hearings as soon as they return from recess. Step up, now is the time to show who in the US Government backs the rule of law.

I beg, I implore, someone take charge and remove this sack of shit from a position of power.

Open Letter to T. Owens

Dear Mr. Owens,

With all due respect (not much is due I am afraid) please go away. Be quiet. Shut up.

YOU signed the seven year contract with the Eagles. If you were not aware of the contract's contents, you should have asked or hired a representative to explain it to you. If you want to be paid based upon your previous year's work, you should have only asked for a one year contract. If you had a shitty year, I am sure you would ask for less salary the following year, right?

Your family is not starving, you are not asking for more pay in order to "put food on your table".

Everyone is sick of your poisonous attitude. You, sir, represent nearly everything that is wrong with professional sports. If you think you should be paid like other professionals at your position, try acting a little more professional. Marvin Harrison does, and he is paid accordingly. Until then, I do not want to see you do sit-ups. Just go away. Forever.

I not the one to do it.

Would someone please tell my wife she is substandard, below average, dragging down the numbers?

I would like to live, else I would do it myself.

Oh my aren't we the stubborn one.

I will be the last to admit am a bit stubborn. I have been called a bulldog. I get an issue in my teeth and hold on until I win, or you give up. As you might see by reading the posts on this site I like to be right. I like to have acknowledgement that I am right.

I do not give up easily. I will not let two of my favorite blogs defeat me. I will continue checking you, Rachel Lucas, every day. Your gackles will not wear me down. You Queenie, one of my favorite spots, want to humble me into submission by a blank page. Your lack of posts is like a flash of milky white thigh, I have to have more. Hah, I laugh at you both. I will click on the link every day until you post or the site disappears. I have checked the Infidel every day for 85 days. I will still be there 85 days from now. Queenie, I dream of you.

I want to be perfectly clear, this post is in NO WAY A CONDEMNATION of those who no longer blog. What they do with their time is none of my business. What they do or do not post is of no consequence to me. I will not give up on you, I enjoy your writings, I will be here if you ever come back. That's me, outside in the bushes checking out the your blog to see if I can catch a glimpse of anything new. Do not be alarmed.

August 10, 2005

The DaVinci Code

According to the Today Show, Christian groups are already in a tizzy over the upcoming movie based on the bestseller The DaVinci Code. I have read the book and here is what I have to say:

Get a life, people. You see, the book is FICTION. The author says so. The Library of Congress says so, and so will your local bookseller. If you do not like what the book says, do not read it. If you do not like the plot, do not see the movie. If you honestly believe this movie will do irreparable harm to Christianity, you have little faith. If you believe this movie will cause some individuals to no longer believe, that person was on the edge already. Those who want the film stopped are no different than the crazy Mooselimbs who wanted to kill Rushdie over his book about Islam (The Satanic Verses). It is just a book/movie.

I read the book, it was entertaining. It did not cause me to change my beliefs in any way. Listen up. Those aliens that attacked in War of the Worlds -- fiction, it did not happen. That little girl who pissed on the floor in The Exorcist -- was not possessed by the Devil. The dude did not knock out all the lights in The Natural. No one comes from a cornfield to play ball. All policemen are not in the employ of the Mob, no matter what you saw in The Godfather movies. The Blues Brothers did not save an orphanage. THESE ARE ALL FICTION. So is the DaVinci Code. See it or don't, but it is of no interest to you to make it more "Christian friendly" or to stage elaborate boycotts. Relax, move on, nothing to worry about here.

August 9, 2005

Message to my readers.

Thought For The Day

"Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!"

Don't be flattered, this message was sent to ME!!

I just wanted YOU to read it. bwahahahahahaha

Legend of a Mind

Timothy leary's dead.
No, no, no, no, he's outside looking in.
Timothy leary's dead.
No, no, no, no, he's outside looking in.
He'll fly his astral plane,
Takes you trips around the bay,
Brings you back the same day,
Timothy leary. timothy leary.

He'll take you up, he'll bring you down,
He'll plant your feet back on the ground.
He'll fly so high, he'll swoop so low.
Timothy leary.

He'll fly his astral plane.
He'll take you trips around the bay.
He'll bring you back the same day.
Timothy leary. timothy leary.
Timothy leary. timothy leary.
Timothy leary.


This song has been stuck in my head for three days now. I have tried singing it aloud. I have listened to it repeatedly. It is all to no avail; the song swims in my gray matter endlessly. I hear it now. Maybe writing about it will help.

When I was in college I read Timothy Leary's autobiography. It was self-aggrandizing bullshit, the showman, the hype, the "look at me now swagger" of a twelve year old. That was Leary to the end, making a buck off of his trademark phrase "Tune in, Turn on and Drop out".

Leary will be forever known for his advocacy for psychedelic drugs, the poster boy for liberal leftist hippies. He was flown in as a special guest to Woodstock. He was a friend of Abbie Hoffman, Jack Kerouac and others.

The amazing thing about Leary was that in spite of his love for acid, for the image of the 60's godfather, he was an unabashed capitalist. He had no qualms making a buck touring with his one time nemisis -- G. Gordan Liddy (the first prosecutor to arrest Leary for drug crimes). He made money off his books. Some say he was a paid CIA informant. In the end Leary was unabashed Liberatarian:

Many modern liberals, I now suggested, might agree with him about certain aspects of his pro-liberty philosophy and not others. He was aggressively dismissive of such people. "That's basically socialist, communist, totalitarian. The so-called liberal is totalitarian. Even more so now. [Even] back in the '60s, so-called liberal left-wing magazines were very opposed to psychedelics."

He sure knew who the enemy was didn't he? Whatever you think about Timothy Leary, he sure is dead now, his ashes sent to space along with Gene Roddenberry. In any event that damn song remains pounding in my brainpan.

Of soldiers and their mothers

Reader Teresa's son leaves today for basic training to become an MP. She is justifiably concerned. Take time to let her know we are all proud of her son's service to our country. Please say prayer for them both, if you are so inclined.

August 8, 2005

All this pumping makes my arm sore

For the past 15 years I have purchased the majority of my gasoline from a Shell station down the street. It is the closest to my house, and most convenient. No more will they get my hard earned pennies. I am a rare breed I suppose, I like to use cash on occasion. Now they insist I pay them before I pump. Screw that. I usually fill up my gas guzzling SUV. I have no idea what it is going to cost. I do not want to make two trips into the store so I can pay, and then get change if I overpaid. Today I bought a mere $20, and told the cashier that he should tell his owners that they lost an additional $20 in sales today, and any future business I have.

While I was there I saw two other cars pull to the pump, see the sign and leave. I am sure this new policy is because some asswipe stole gas, pumping and jumping. That sucks for the owners. But riddle this -- how much business did that one tank cost those very owners by instituting the draconian response?

The loss of my hundred plus dollars a month will no doubt have little impact on the bottom line for the owners of this station. The new inheritors of my gas pumping largesse will likewise never acknowledge their windfall. I, however, will sleep well knowing I did what I could to punish those who do not appreciate earning my business and fail to trust me.


Alli has a very nice post on the dropping of the Bomb on Japan. Of course the usual trolls showed up to claim that it was all unnecessary, Truman...blah blah blah.

Truman will not be treated kindly by history. He continued the disastrous policies of FDR by kissing Stalin's hairy behind. He gave away Eastern Europe. He gave us the Marshall plan, Korea, etc. etc. etc., as the King of Siam would say.

My Grandfather was in the Navy in WWII. After boot camp he was sent for infantry training. He was issued Marine gear. He was to be part of the invasion force for the assault on fortress Japan. He was thankful Truman dropped the "Big One".

There are plenty of revisionists who claim that it was the US' fault that Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. These are the same people that think we had it coming on 9/11. These same intellects also believe that Japan was going to surrender peacefully if we would just wait, no more soldiers, sailors, or marines needed to die. I guess that is why the Japanese were still fighting in the Philippines, in China, on the Ryukyu Islands, in Southeast Asia? Their everlasting commitment to surrendering to the US was patently obvious, that is why it took TWO fucking bombs to get them to capitulate!

The Emperor wanted to quit. Tojo and his junta had no interest in surrender. To surrender was the greatest dishonor according to the Bushido code. The Americans who surrendered on Makin Island early in the war were beheaded, because they were unworthy of respectful treatment. The prisoners were beheaded in Bushido tradition on Kwajalein at the order of Vice Admiral Abe to Lt. Commander Hisakichi Naiki. The Japanese saw no problem with treating our POWs as lower than whale turds, that is how the Japanese viewed them -- less than men and dishonored.

It is clear that those in control of Japan intended to fight to the death in defense of the home islands. Would there be a million casualties? Who knows, but if you extrapolate the numbers from Okinawa and Iwo Jima, the estimate could be accurate. No amount of mining of the harbors, or embargoes would have worked. The island of Japan had been cut of from many of its sources of supply for months (that very lack of resources was the primary cause of Japan's pan-Asian philosophy that led to the war). Similar "surrounding" of Okinawa, Tarawa, Iwo Jima, and Yap had little or no effect. We only removed the stiff Japanese resistance by force. The United States forces were surrounded, outnumbered and doomed to defeat at Wake Island and at Midway, but they did not surrender without a fight either!

It is Ok to disagree with Alli's position, but to attack without facts makes the trolls like jb and others the uneducated fools they appear to be.

Yeah, Alli, I know you do not need me to defend you. You have responded eloquently and effectively to these nitwits, but I had to get in my two cents, and did not think it right to take up your entire blog with this response. Thanks in advance for your indulgence.

There must be sumpin in the water

Apparently I am not the only one who is contemplating blogging and why I do it. Grampapinhead has a nice essay and roundup of what others are saying.

August 7, 2005

Bring it on

About one year ago I read my first blog. Up to that point I had no idea what a "blog" was. Vox Day's site was my first. I followed his links the Grouchy Old Cripple and others. I soon found the DuToits (both) and Acidman and others that became my daily reads. I had suddenly found a whole new world. There were actually people out there who thought like me. There was a free flow of ideas, opinion, facts, and yes, bullshit. I could read and discuss at will. Suddenly I was back in College having meaningful discussions, hearing the opinions of educated and uneducated folks alike.

I rarely commented on others blogs. I always felt that if I had nothing meaningful to add to the discussion, I should not waste people's time or bandwidth. Eventually I formed the opinion that I should just begin my own blog to have an outlet for my opinions, rage, thoughts of the day. Thus Fat in Indiana was born.

The title is a play on words. I am overweight, but not obese. The 'Fat' pertains more to the alternate meaning -- content, happy. I sign myself as Hoosierboy, not because I am a fan of the Indiana Hoosiers, but rather as an indication of my pride in my native state. My ancestors were among the first settlers in the Hoosier heartland, and I suppose I will live my life here.

I started the blog in March of this year. Apparently, so did a lot of other people. After just a few posts I got my first regular reader -- Alli at Ranting Fox. She was the first to bogroll me and offer encouragement. I am not sure I would have kept it up without her support. Since then, many others have offered links, help and support, like Og, Grampapinhead, and YOU (I mean it, I would not/could not leave YOU out). If I did not mention your name specifically, it in no way lessens my esteem and thanks.

I still do not comment often on other blogs. I prefer to post my opinions here. I am trying to change that practice, but I have a hard time being witty, pithy and original when I do not have anything to add to the discussion. I have discovered one fact. I love comments on my posts. I enjoy almost more than anything a good argument. I have been known, in my younger days, to take the opposite side of a discussion just so I could argue! I welcome Breezy, Teresa and other commenters who dissent from my opinions because I crave the discussion. Too bad they often disappear just when things get fun. Argue with me, tell me I am full of crap. Just be ready to back it up with facts and logic. If you agree with me, tell me. I look forward to the words of encouragement and kindness I find in my comments; Hell, we all like our egos stroked now and then. I find it especially gratifying when you think enough of my writing to blogroll me, or even better, provide a link. I take it as the highest compliment.

Some days I feel like Blanche DuBois, "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers". Each day I turn on the computer to see who has visited me. It is the best part of my day. Somehow my blog friends are no longer strangers. You have let me see your thoughts, your happiness, your sadness, and a glimpse into your life. You have allowed me to share my pain as loved ones have died, and others fought devastating illness. You have allowed me to share the jokes I used to tell my coworkers before I worked alone. You have soaked up my rage towards leftists, terrorists, and those who do not have our county's best interest at heart.

I want to say thank you to my loyal readers, thank you to my new readers, thank you to my occasional readers. Bring it on, tell me what you think. I don't care how much comment space you need, if you think I am wrong, tell me. I will be glad to set you straight.

August 6, 2005

Damn you, Jeff Harrell

If I were a talented writer, erudite, smart, a true wordsmith, this is what I would have said. I am jealous, but I have the sack to point out true genius when I read it. We are in a war to the end with Muslim fanatics. We will not lose. Go read the post, you will agree with him, and with me.

August 5, 2005

Screw you NCAA (or am I allowed to use those letters in that combination without paying you a fee?)

Once again Political Correctness has run out of control. It is no secret that America's Colleges and Universities are among the most Liberal, Left leaning bastions remaining. Colleges are all for Politically Correct Speech (as long as it is "liberal and left leaning). Now the NCAA has decided what is best for everyone by banning "hostile mascots".

"The NCAAA's executive committee decided this week the organization did not have the authority to bar Indian mascots by individual schools, committee chairman Walter Harrison said today in Indianapolis...'What each institution decides to do is really its own business outside NCAA championship events.'"

How long do you think this will last? It is only a matter of time before the NCAA insists these mascots and nicknames are gone forever. This body has gone so far as to control how you say their name, refer to their tournaments, and has tried to drive competing tournaments out of business. Now they want to tell member schools how to refer to themselves? Some individuals are not offended by Indian nicknames, are we to tell them to piss up a rope?

Is it the NCAA's ideal that all the teams have stupid names like the "Red Storm" or "Golden Eagles" WTF? Do we need more bears, bobcats, and lions? Aren't there enough tigers, spartans, owls, and bulls? Will Notre Dame have to change its mascot -- "Fighting Irish" has a negative connotation? Will PETA protest because depicting animals as vicious and aggressive violates the animals' rights? After all a grizzly bear is just protecting its territory and cubs! The label "Giants" makes fun of persons with growth hormone problems. My high school nickname "Hot Dogs" likely will offend vegetarians. Is there a single mascot out there that is not offensive to someone or so stupid that no one gets it (again "red storm")?

Where will it end? How far do we have to go to make sure no one is ever again offended or made to feel uncomfortable in this society? Can we point out that all suicide / homicide bombers since 9/11 have been Muslims? Can we state that some kids are dumb; that some homeless people are just bums and like it that way? The First Amendment gives us the right to say what we think. It does not mean we have to like what others say. Give it a rest. Indians/Native Americans/indigenous peoples, whatever, your stereotype is a brave, fighting, worthy foe. Did it occur to you that maybe the nicknames are an honor? Kiss my ass NCAA.

It is all about the Border

Via Right Wing Rocker read Kathleen Parker's article about Hilary Clinton. One paragraph leaped off the page:

To date, some 1 million non-Mexicans have entered the U.S. through Mexico, of which about 700,000 have disappeared, according to a report in the Dallas Morning News. No one knows how many might be terrorists, though rough estimates are that about 70,000 of those non-Mexicans are Saudis between the ages of 18 and 34. Ponder that as you abhor racial profiling and replenish your stores of duct tape.
(emphasis mine)

I ask again, please explain to me again why we are not closing our borders? We are busy making sure the old lady in front of me has to remove her sandals and is checked thoroughly in person and bagagage at the airport*, but letting thousands cross our borders unchecked daily. WHY IS THIS?

*I saw this happen on Wednesday -- she was about 70, and she was the "target" of the day.

You Are Guilty Too

Come on, I know you have done it. We are all guilty. I just bet you have never done on the scale of the Neanderthal


link fixed

August 4, 2005

It is no wonder the citizens hate the government

Here are a few facts to consider:

The Tea Act which led to the "Boston Tea Party" imposed a tax of 3% on tea. This was one of the catalysts for the American Revolution.

The Stamp Act imposed fees for government documents
For every skin or piece of vellum or parchment, or sheet or piece of paper, on which shall be engrossed, written, or printed, any affidavit, common bail, or appearance, interrogatory, deposition, rule, order or warrant of any court, or any dedimus potestatem, capias subpoena, summons, compulsory citation, commission, recognizance, or any other writ, process, or mandate, issuing out of, or returnable into, any court, or any office belonging thereto, or any other proceeding therein whatsoever, or any copy thereof, or of any record not herein before charged, within the said colonies and plantations (except warrants relating to criminal matters, and proceedings thereon, or relating thereto), a stamp duty of one shilling

This was one of the most hated and unjust Acts of Parliament and helped fuel the beginnings of the Revolution.

I want to state at the beginning of this post that I screwed up, all the things I am about to bitch about are MY FAULT. I don't want to see that obvious fact bandied about in the comments. Mea fucking culpa, OK?

I forgot to renew the plates on my daughter's car. Brain fart, old age, I just spaced it. She was pulled over and TICKETED. I think that this is Mickey Mouse horseshit, but she (I) broke the law. In my mind this is one of those issues like a busted headlight, etc., you should have x many days to fix the problem. This should not be a traffic ticket item. The policeman gave her a ticket, threatened to have the car impounded, gave her hard time, was a dick about it. In the end, I will pay the fine, I made the mistake, even if I think it is ridiculous.

I went to pay the fine today --$106.50. Here is a breakdown of the charges:

Court Cost $70.00
{State Court 49.00
County Court 18.90
City Court 2.10}
Law enforcement fee $3.00
Jury Fee $2.00
Hwy Work Zone $0.50
Auto record fee $7.00
Doc storage fee $2.00
Public Def. Fee $3.00
Judicial Insurance $1.00
Judicial Salary Fee $15.00
DNA Sample Proc Fee $1.00
Court Admin Fee $2.00
Total $106.50

As you can see for driving on expired plates I was charged $106.50 in fees and costs, BUT NO FINE. I paid for city, county and state court costs, but how can it be all three? I should be charged in the State, or the county, or the city, but why should I pay for all three? There was no jury why should I pay jury fees? Why is there a highway work zone fee? The "offense" did not take place in a work zone. A charge to keep a record and to store it? Is there a difference? The "record" is stored on a computer. There was not a lawyer or public defender involved, why do I pay that fee? They raise the judges' insurance, so I get to pay for that as well?

Some lawyers want to be judges. They do not make as much as their ambulance chasing buddies so they demand a raise. Charge an extra $15 on every ticket. Why do I have top pay to process a DNA sample that was never taken, never asked for and certainly not needed?

In the end, I do not have a problem paying the court cost (one of them), the law enforcement fee (although I am double charged since I already paid the officer from my taxes), and the court administration fee. I would not even mind paying a small fine ($15 is probably appropriate, although the BMV charged $5.00 already).

The end result was I was ripped off by fees and hidden taxes to the tune of $80.00. Our forefathers started a Revolution because they thought the Government was sucking money from them at the outrageous rate of 6 cents for creating a court document and 3% tax on tea. I forget to go get my equivalent of the "Stamp" and the state and local governments charge my 106 bucks! The Federal, State, and Local Governments are stealing almost half of our hard earned dollars every year. Still they complain they need more. How long are we going to take it?

Superman and Other Fallacies

Superman, you may be the man of steel, but you are not real bright. The whole glasses thing is not fooling anyone. Lois and the gang at the Daily Planet know who you are, they are just so embarrassed for you that they do not mention it. Putting on glasses does not change your identity.

I have chronicled in the past that I had to get glasses (bifocals) in March. So far not a single person has failed to recognize me when wearing my glasses. I had occasion to put this to the test this week. I was in big important meetings with engineers, purchasing, etc from a major customer. In this meeting were several people I have not seen in a number of years. They all recognized me. Two past buyers, one from as long ago as 6 years, recognized me immediately. They did not know I was in the building, or even in the area, yet they knew who I was!

I am not big and strong and handsome. I do not disappear every time there is a big crises or story. I do not rescue my closest friends from evildoers and life threatening situations. I would think that if someone just saved your life, made you fall in love with them and looked deeply into your eyes, you would probably remember the face of your hero. Putting on some glasses will not change those things.

Uberman, get over it. We all know who you are, your disguise sucks. I also offer you a bit of fashion advice -- lose the cape -- it makes you look gay.

August 3, 2005

My President could whip your Supreme Leader...

Well, maybe not. Bush may have earned better grades than Kerry. Carter may have been a nuclear engineer. Bush I and Reagan might have been a great athletes. Eisenhower was reported to be a great golfer, but could they do this:

Kim pilots jet fighters, pens operas, produces movies and accomplished a feat unmatched in the annals of professional golf by shooting 11 holes-in-one on the first round he ever played

Thank goodness he just wants to help his people, else he would come over here and show up Tiger Woods as an everyday hacker. North Korea's Kim Jong-il (Big Boy) is clearly the most gifted genius to ever hold political office.

August 2, 2005

Carter the peanut man is just an asshat

Once again Alli at Ranting Fox has shown wisdom beyond her years:

One of the problems with free speech is that it encourages people to speak. Its both a great thing and a curse. Instead of letting people think he is an idiot, Jimmy Carter has opened his mouth and removed all doubt.

Go read her post, I am sure you will agree.

I used to think he was a bad President, misguided with good intentions. Now I think he truly hates his country. I am so happy that as my first act as a voting citizen was to vote against him in 1980.

Thank you in advance

Thanks for your understanding, blogging will be a little light for the next couple of days as I am traveling, trying to do the tasks that bring the bucks to the Hooiserboy household.

I got some great bargains at the famous JR outlet today. If you are a serious cigar guy, you know JRs. Now my wife will have something else to harp on as I sit on the deck of an evening puffing away, the smoke driving off mosquitoes.

Depression is beginning to set in at the house. School begins in just 1-1/2 weeks. The boys are not happy. The oldest is working now, and he is on the schedule for 40 hours this week. That means little to no skateboarding time, and that makes him a grumpy 16 year old. He is not real thrilled with the old man anyway, I insist he pay me the deductible from when he wrecked my car a few months ago. I do not plan to take his whole check, just enough that it hurts until he pays me back the $500. My wife thinks I am being too harsh, I should let it slide. I think it is important to teach him a lesson. The wreck was caused by carelessness, not paying attention. Am I just being an asshole?

I flew for the first time in about a year today. Big deal you say. Yes, I flew an average of 5-6 round trips PER MONTH as little as three years ago. Several years straight of 100 plus trips per year. The whole process at the airport is still a royal pain, not worth the hassle if you are going less than 500 miles. I know now why I have been driving a lot. If you have flown since 9/11 you know what I am talking about. As a side note, I was at home watching TV on 9/11. You see, I was packing for a flight that afternoon.

August 1, 2005

Public Schools?

I read this with a great deal of, well sadness. I really have no comment. For one of the few times in my life I have nothing to say. Feel free to offer your opinion.

The Hoosierboy Guide to Hippie Hunting

picture stolen from here

Hunting Hippies can be a fun and rewarding experience. Hippie stalking can make for great campfire stories, and there is always the excitement of describing "the one that got away". Here is a brief guide to help you get started:

1. Hippies are usually found on the East and West Coast of the US. There are enclaves to be found in Colorado and Idaho. You can also find hippies in just about every major metropolitan area. Sometimes you can find them in special reserves in the "country" called 'communes'.

2. Hippies usually smell like unwashed human bodies. You will recognize this odor. Remember, all hippies smell bad, but not all sour-smelling people are hippies, some are "homeless".

3. Hippies can be lured to your tree stand through several methods. The best is by staging a "protest". Hippies like to protest everything that is good about America. Stage a protest against the military, against any Republican, for abortion, or terrorists. Hippies are especially drawn to nude protests where they can show off their saggy breasts and little flacid penises. They like protests against money, success, free trade, the war on terror, mining, nuclear power, coal power, natural gas drilling, oil, cars, fire, meat, grocery stores, hydroelectricity, big farms, lumber, cattle grazing, housing, banks, Wal-Mart, George Bush, Ronald Reagan, DDT, and manufacturing in general.

4. Hippies are also lured by drugs. Offer marijuana and extasy. They love the phrase "Please do not eat the brown acid". Use this phrase just as you would say "kitty,kitty" to lure a cat.

5. Hippies are drawn like moths to light when you play music by special lure bands called "Phish" and "The Grateful Dead". Other acts will work also, especially real winners like Curt Cobain or any other "grunge band".

6. Male Hippies have facial hair and drive old VWs. Hippies of both sexes like tie-dyed clothes and sandals. The tie-dye makes great circle targets! Remember -- aim low!

7. Hippies often have names like Moon, Sunshine, Rainbow, and Freedom.

8. You can also recognize a Hippy because the "man" is keeping him down. If you see someone being held down by "the man", it is likely a Hippy and feel free to react accordingly.

9. Hippies are good on toast or even...plain.

10. Hippie chicks are all about free love. Make sure you take advantage of this. Sterilize afterward.

Hoosierboy to Palmeiro -- You, Sir are a cheater.

Look it was marginal that he would ever make the Hall of Fame. Now I think the confirmed steroid use will ensure he never sets foot into the hall. He is a cheater. In my mind he had done more damage to the game than Pete Rose. Both were liars and cheaters. Here was Raphael Palmeiro's emphatic quote to Congress:

"Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids. Period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never."

Those that may have or definitely have used steroids have cheated the game. This offense against good order, in my mind, is on the same magnitude as the Black Sox, Rose's gambling, and Sosa's corked bat. They are cheaters, and should be treated as such. Too bad Palmeiro, said to be one of baseball's toughest outs, has tarnished his reputation forever.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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