January 30, 2008

And another thing...

It looks like McCain just might get the nod for the Repubs. I do not possess the vocabulary to express my disappointment with that choice. I keep waiting for that phantom Conservative candidate to show up in time to win the Superdooper Tuesday Primaries. Can we vote for the ghost of the gipper? I know this if my choices are McCain and the Hildebeast, I might just stay home. How do you choose between bad and worse? Do you want your eyes poked or your balls kicked?

A vote against Hillary equals a vote FOR McCain. He of the Keating Five, He who is against reducing taxes but amnesty for criminals. He is who is for limiting my Constitutional Rights, but in favor of granting them to Islamofascists and terrorists. He who claims to be a 'maverick' but is really just a RINO at best. How ironic that the two candidates that have been at the edge of dubious fundraising in their careers might be going head to head. McCain only became for campaign finance reform after he was caught.

As I have stated before, is this really the best we can came up with for candidate of the most powerful office in the world?


Posting will be light the next few days as I head to the city with big shoulders to do my work thing.

A wicked front moved through last night. Yesterday morning it was 49. Today it is 7with a windchill of minus 11. Most of the temperature change was ushered in in about an hour as heavy rains blew in on the back of 60 and 70 mph winds. Those in the south would call that a hurricane. In the Midwest that is tornado weather and it looks like a few slammed into area. Here at the homestead we had lots of rain that turned to snow and lightning. No apparent damage.

Have I mentioned I hate the Patriots?

January 29, 2008


I was going to spout a political rant. I was flipping through my regular blog reads while the phrases and verbiage turned in my mind. Then I read this CLICK HERE and my work was done for me. This is a political platform I could get behind. I know I am not alone, a politico who took each of these stances would get elected. He would be murdered by the yellow journalists that make up the press, drug behind a car in a cactus patch, his mail, laundry and every rock of his path of life examined and turned over. If he survived that, the majority of working Americvans would vote for him. The rest of Americans, the welfare state would not. That is where we are. Those who want the Government to provide are beginning to outnumber those who want to just be left the fuck alone. Guess who will win the future elections as the nanny state grows?

January 28, 2008

A Challenge

Tuna salad on white bread
Dr Pepper
All chased by a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie

How about you?

Sunday Review

Last night I fried up some breaded tenderloins and baked some mac and cheese. Add some biscuits and frozen corn and we had a fine Sunday meal.

I took the little one to do some hitting at an inside cage yesterday afternoon. He is getting in the mood for some baseball. The season ended on such a down note last year, I was concerned about his attitude. He will be fine. I guess it is time to quit calling him little one, he will be driving (with a learner's permit) this time next year. In my mind he is still my little guy. He is taller than my wife and will likely catch me in his next growth spurt. The oldest is already taller.

My wife, daughter and eldest son are all fighting the cold/flu. I hope it stays away from me, but I feel that pressure in my sinuses and the nose is starting to drip a little. I am getting that achy feeling in my bones, so I am afraid I am about to get hit. I hope if it going to get me , it comes soon. I am off to warm climes next week for work and I want to be feeling good while enjoying the sun, er work.

My oldest boy has been offered a potential recording contract. He has been asked to record a single, in any case. The company is picking up the recording tab. We keep trying to offer encouragement without getting his hopes too high. He said he would quit college if it happened. We had to have a long talk about that. Any possible recording deal would have to pay enough for him to live on. We explained that if he quits college not only would he no longer have health or dental insurance, but he will immediately have to start paying on his student loans. Welcome to reality, son.

Here is his music page [edit. removed, if you want to check it out send me an email and I will provide the link.] It is not necessarily my taste in music, but I do like the song "Ricochet". He plays all of the instruments and sings. He taught himself to play the bass, the guitar, and keyboards -- all in the last two years or so. He played drums in the middle school band. He also did the recording. His songwriting skills have improved significantly in the last year.

January 27, 2008

In praise of Hillary

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds.. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet.

'Well, stop clappin, ya stupid fucking bitch.'

January 25, 2008

A memory within a dream

I was little. I could not sleep. I went into the living room where my Dad was watching TV in his big black Naugahyde chair. I thought it was the middle of the night, but I am sure I had not been in bed long. I climbed into dad's lap. He was watching a movie. He had a bowl of chips and he let me have a few. He was watching PT 109. I saw the destroyer smash through the plywood of JFK's little boat. I snuggled on my Daddy's chest and I knew I was loved.

I only remember that tiny slice of life, but I would not trade that memory for the rubies of India. I dreamed about this memory last night. Life is sometimes weird.

More pigmy sex -- with photos!

Holy shit, I do not want to have to turn in my Union card (you know I loooove Unions). I guess I need to post something. Well let us start with excuses. No post yesterday because I was off trying to earn a buck. Those kids are like baby birds, mouths open crying for food. I thought I would post something later today, since I have a conference call in about 20 minutes with my boss and the company president. But clearly Blogging is Way more important.

In any case, quantity over quality and this counts as a post. My standing in the Union remains intact.

January 23, 2008

Random Wednesday Ramblings

I once decided I would write a book called "The Electric Death of Alexander Macabre". Consider it copyrighted.

By the time I go to sleep tonight I will have read 13 books since January 1. None had pictures.

I still need several documents before I can file my taxes including my W2. Can some of you accountant types explain why it takes so long to get a W2 in today's computer age?

I like Grape Soda. I am pretty fond of bacon.

Taking a quick look at those who aspire to the Presidency of the Greatest Nation in the World, I have only one comment -- is this the best we can do?

For reasons I will not discuss, I read through some of my archives yesterday. There were some decent posts in the early days. Now you get stuff like this. Read my archives sometimes and let me know what posts are interesting.

Acidman and others have bemoaned the fact that the post you spend a lot of time composing get little or no response. The trash you crank out in minutes is often the most popular. Go figure. Sometimes when I think I am being really funny, I get crickets. I am not sure how that makes me feel.

I find myself in a period of little or no motivation. Yesterday, a coworker mentioned he felt the same. What gives? Is it the weather? For me it extends beyond work.

I have not had a cigar in weeks and weeks.

I once could speak French. Now I can only speak Pepe Le Pew.

Why is Speedy Gonzales offensive? He is smart and always wins.

Through the magic of the Internet I have been watching old episodes of WKRP in Cincinnati. I had forgotten how funny that show was.

Are you still reading? Why?

January 22, 2008

The clue is


No fair using Google

January 21, 2008

Another movie review

What can I say? Well, nothing.

I am bored by politics. I am already looking for that magic spot on the ballot that reads "None of the Above." There is one bright spot, if the Hildebeast is elected, Congress will turn Republican and Conservative in two years. We have seen often in the past that the President cannot do much with a recalcitrant Congress. Even better, Congress cannot do much either. Gridlock is not necessarily a bad thing kiddoes.

Great game in freezing Green Bay last night. Gutsy call for the Jersey Giants to put the kicker in to win the game. He had already shanked a couple of shorter ones.

Man, I would laugh my ass off if the Patriots lost. It can happen. Remember what the underdog Patriots did to the supposedly unstoppable Rams a few years ago? I would like at some point to see the fawning media actually care that the Patriots are admitted cheaters. Greatest team of all time? Maybe, but they need at least a small asterisk.

We went to the movies last night. The jackass girl behind us talked and laughed and moaned ohhhh at every little happy/sad/cute/sentimental/funny moment. By the end of the movie I was ready turn around and choke the life from the skinny bitch. If her boyfriend did not dump her by the time he took her home he is a moron, an idiot and a complete dunce. I do not care if she could pleasure him nine different ways, spending one more minute with a stupid, rude cunt like that is not worth it. If he does not break up with her, he deserves to spend a lifetime dealing with tasselled heart-shaped pillows on his couch and the constant yipping of a little ankle-biting dog. The kids will sport monikers like "Buffy" and "Bobby" and he will be forced to have the family portrait taken 12 times a year in matching outfits because "Ohhh, it will be so cute." Their family room will have a flowered couch and there will be a glass cabinet filled with figurines with big heads and bigger eyes. Pictures of kittens will hang in the hallway. She will probably make him eat tofu burgers. She will make her kids eat granola bars and drink sugarless KoolAid. He will live in miserable hell of cuteness and sickening sweetness and soccer until one final "ohhh" drives him to beat her senseless with a baseball bat one cold January night after a dreadful theme party. He will kick her a final time in the mouth and tell her "That is for ruining every movie we have ever seen by talking and 'ohhhh-ing' and being an all around dumb blond bimbo." I, for one will stand up and cheer, praying I can be on the jury.*

I cannot give a review to the movie because some loud-mouth girl right behind me distracted me the whole damn movie.

I watched the second half of Packers game and then a DVD of "Big Jake" when I got home. I give it four stars. The Duke kills that SOB who cuts up his dog with a machete. 'Nuff said.

* If the above description resembles one of my readers in any way, well too bad.

January 19, 2008


Damn it is cold. I caught the Tidy Bowl Man ice fishing just now in my toilet.

I flushed that sumbitch. I always thought he was just creepy.

January 18, 2008

Not Again?

I was thinking of offing myself today, but it looks like the Suicide Help Desk is still closed. I hoped it was a temporary thing.

That sucks. Where are you now Big Dick?

View from my windshield

I took this picture of the Wednesday sunset with my phone at 70+ mph (65 mph exactly if you are an Illinois State Trooper). I was in central Illinois. Nonetheless, it is still pretty spectacular I think.

Enough Already

It is the 18th of January. Turn off your Christmas lights. No one loves the Christmas Season more than I, but enough is enough. I do not mind much when the lights are turned on mid-November, The tree displays and merchandising that begins almost before the Halloween bats and witches are taken down is an irritant. The assholes that burn the colored lights and inflate their Snowmen and Santas in the middle of January are just pathetic. Driving home from piratically Wisconsin last night I saw several houses twinkling with the Holiday glow. In my own town I counted four houses in the mile or so between my abode and Wal-Mart. I admittedly live in a white-trash heavy community. That is no excuse.

Look, I understand the weather or extenuating circumstances may prevent you from taking down the lights. Sometimes you just cannot get to it. My own Mother-in-Law sported the same lights year round for years. When the old strand burned out, she just nailed new ones over the old. But she did not turn them on beyond a suitable period after Christmas.

Let it go people. Keep Christmas glowing in your heart, not on your roof. Get rid of that tree, ride the sleigh, do not display it. We are long past the Twelfth Night. Santa is on vacation, the reindeer are mating in their stables. Turn off those lights.

January 16, 2008

I don't have the skillz

my first Haiku try
five seven five is quite tough
a poet I'm not

I do not know how Jean does it.

Here is another lame try:

Honey from a bear
peanut butter on white bread
just another lunch

Steroids in baseball

I have often decried the growth of the Nanny State and the interference of Government into our lives. A reading of the writings of the founders is clear evidence they intended a limited government. The latest and best example is the current hearings into steroid use in baseball.

I love America's pastime. I firmly believe the game has been tainted by performance enhancing drugs. It makes me sick. Is is none of the Government's business. It is mere grandstanding in an election year. If Chris Shays and his buddies were so concerned, they would take time to learn the names of the cast of characters. "Mr. Sellick", whom I guess is Bud Selig and "Mr. Palmeri" (Palmero?) are key figures in the investigation. Don't these assholes in Congress have any shame?

Let us bring back the Whig party. What we have now is parties of Big Government and Really Big Government. I am so sick of politics...

January 15, 2008

Packers QB Change

New Quarterback for the Packers...

In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State. When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the White House, Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef".

Otter again

January 14, 2008

Why you should never buy a cheap cake

Wal-Mart Employee: ''dis Wal-Mart's, how can I help you?"

Customer: "I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Wal-Mart Employee: "Whachu want on da cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you."

stole it from Otter


My buddy had his knee replaced just before Christmas. We went to see him this weekend. He told me that the doctor said during his visit last week that he could start having sex again. Three weeks after major surgery and he could once again have sex!

It is drastic, but I am scheduling a knee replacement for as soon as possible. Whatever it takes...

January 13, 2008

Bob Sanders

As the Colts begin their playoff run this weekend, I thought I’d make you all aware of a few facts about Bob Sanders:

Bob Sanders can win a game of Connect Four in only 3 Moves. . .

Bob Sanders' dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Bob doesn't take shit from anyone.

Bob Sanders lost his virginity before his father did.

Bob Sanders is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Tom Brady has Bill Belichick check under his bed every night for Bob Sanders

The federal government banned human cloning because they weren't sure they could stop more than one Bob Sanders.

Bob Sanders doesn't mow his lawn...he walks out to his yard and DARES the grass to grow!

Bob Sanders doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint

Bob Sanders saved the cheerleader and the world.

Bob Sanders can unscramble eggs!!!!

Bob Sanders doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
h/t Otter

January 12, 2008

Another Movie Review

I was up until about 3:00 am this morning watching this DVD -- Remember Tonight David Gilmour Live at Royal Albert Hall. If you like music videos, you will love this. The sound is great and the video is terrific. The concert includes some Pink Floyd favorites, a couple of tunes from Syd Barrett's solo work and the complete On an Island playlist. With backup singers like David Bowie, Graham Nash and David Crosby, you cannot go wrong. Long-time Floyd keyboardist Richard Wright mans the ivories. The second disc has some out takes and a behind the scenes concert tour movie that is highly entertaining. This movie captures an awkward incidental meeting between Gilmour and Roger Waters.

The Pink Floyd song Echoes has long been one of my favorite tunes. The version here is the best I have heard. Bowie sings his cover of the classic Syd Barrett tune Arnold Layne and Gilmour blows the house down with his soaring solo at the end of Comfortably Numb.

Buy it, rent it, if you are a Floyd or Gilmour fan you cannot go wrong with this DVD.

January 11, 2008

Hey Grandpa, What's for dinner?

This, in about 15 minutes.

What he said

JT always is right on target. CLICK THIS LINK. The comments are priceless.

Those weren’t tears. That was the evil leaking out because she was too full…

January 10, 2008

Patriots Suck

Four football fans - a Steelers fan, a Bears fan, a COLTS fan and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Steeler's fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Steelers!' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Bears fan shouts, 'This is for the Bears!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The COLTS fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Patriot fan off the mountain.

h/t Otter

Answer me this

What the heck...?
Why did you...?
Are you kidding me?

January 9, 2008

Voter ID

Today the Supreme Court will hear a challenge to Indiana's Voter ID Law. The original lawsuit was filed by the Democrat Party and a Democrat lawmaker. Some individuals have an issue with a person proving his identity prior to voting. The law is designed to prevent voter fraud. As the Democrat Party has led the cry against voter fraud, claiming Democrat voters have been disenfranchised in the past several elections, one would think they should be behind this measure. I guess Democrats only see voter fraud when their candidate loses. Just as they only wanted to review ballots in heavily Democrat precincts in Florida, we can only draw the conclusion Democrats do not want elections examined too closely in certain areas. They apparently do not have any interest in verifying Democrat and Republican voters are checked to ensure they are not dead, double voting, and are who they claim to be.

The arguments against the law are it places an undue burden on the poor, minorities and the elderly. Critics of the law also claim that it hurts people who live in rural areas. Indiana, "The Crossroads of America" ranks near the top in highway miles per capita. This is not the turn of the 20th Century. Few need to hook up the old horse and wagon to make the trip to town to vote. Most residents in Indiana live within a few miles of their licence branch. The State will supply an ID free of charge if you cannot afford it. In addition, one does not need to present a photo ID to cast an absentee ballot.

I find it amazing the citizens of this state can get to town to buy groceries and cigarettes. They can go to Church and vote. But getting a photo ID is a burden.

Give me a break.

January 8, 2008

The view to the west

This is the view to the west from my deck, taken minutes ago. Do you think it might storm?

Happy Birthday

Today is the King's birthday. TCM is showing a marathon of his movies. The TV is on in the background -- a rare event during the day. Right now the King is at the World's Fair and putting the moves on the hot chick. Oh that Elvis. Oh, Oh the chick found out he is a rascal and told him to jump off the Space Needle.

In other news, I see the Hildebeast has resorted to the oldest trick in the book. Now she is shedding crocodile tears, because 'she just cares so muuuch". Makes me want to puke. Like her husband she must be able to turn the tears on and off. Or maybe she was just realizing she was going to lose and that made her cry. What is so sad and pathetic is people will vote for her because she cried.

I would climb from a hospital bed, braving a 104 temperature, splitting sutures and the possible loss of at least one limb to vote against her. Indiana's primary is not until May, and it will be decided by then, but I have considered registering Democrat for the first time ever, just to vote against her. She is bad for the country, bad for me and bad for you.

January 6, 2008

A movie review

The wife and I went to see this chick flick on Friday night. Some guy dies and sends a series of letters to his widow. He had written them before he died. The theater was filled with crying chicks all wishing their boyfriends/husbands would die and be that romantic. Halfway through the movie the lights came on, the movie stopped and reality set in. The chicks were not with the hot Irish guy, they were with the likes of me. There I sat just like every other man in the place wishing I could punch the author in the nose for setting such unreal expectations.

Anyway, it appeared the film broke, or the machine that plays the disc quit, whatever. The theater guy announced it would be about 5-10 minutes to get the flick (and the tears) running again. The wife determined she needed another gallon or two of butter on her bag of popcorn. She stood up, stumbled and sat down. Being the perceptive guy I am, I mentioned that I thought she was going to get butter. I suggested she could get me a refill on my Coke while she was out in the lobby. She looked at me. Her face was white and she said she had done something to her knee. A few tears leaked from her eyes, and I knew I was going to have to get my own refill. No, seriously I could tell she was in pain. She sat there flexing for a bit and decided she was OK.

I went and got the refill and her butter and the movie was back underway when I returned. After the movie I had to help her down the stairs. I drove up to the door to pick her up. When we got home I made her an ice pack. She could barely walk.

On Sunday she got up completely pain free and could walk fine. Strange Huh?

No, there is no point to this story. We watched a chick flick, my wife twisted her knee and is now OK.

Oh yeah, I was going to write a review. Men, if you want to see a chick flick and watch your wife/girlfriend/date cry then go see PS I Love You. Then come home and try to take advantage of the situation. You just might get lucky (unless your wife trips over a popcorn kernel and hurts her knee). The next day you must watch several hours of Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, and football to restore your manliness levels. Ladies you will love this movie -- go with your girlfriends.

January 5, 2008

Quit, please

Get out of my head you son of a bitch. Fucking Righteous Brothers.

Rednecks in Action

I am bored with this, I cannot remember which pictures I have already posted. This is the end of this no-humor segment. Caption as you please.

January 4, 2008

Bars are the same everywhere

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat."

January 3, 2008

Stressed by the New Year?

Go here. Do you want, with apologies to The Eagles,a Peaceful, Easy Feeling? You will find it here.

Honest, there is no screaming banshee to make you jump, just a site that offers a peaceful feeling of Serenity. I now vist the site several times a day. I feel better. You will too.

From One to Fifteen Hundred

My first post was on March 22, 2005. This is number 1,500. That is an average of close to 1.5 posts/day -- every day, seven days a week. Your average newspaper columnist writes about twice a week. Of course I do not represent I write with the skill or quality of your typical newsman. I will say there are many days I think my work compares favorably with the scribes in my local birdcage liner. That is more a reflection on the quality of my local newspaper than my body of work, however. I have no idea how many words I have flung into the Ethernet, but I have spent way too many hours on this crazy hobby. So many great bloggers have hung up their keyboards. I miss them all. But I keep finding new friends and blogs to give me the entertainment I crave. There are a lot of bloggers who are more prolific, a great many have more readers daily, and more links. Like my life, this old blog is just average, 80-100 readers with some high-quality links. A few of the cool kids link me, and a lot of good people have me on the old blog roll. Thank you all.

Here is to you good reader. Thanks for stopping by.

On a completely different note, Thank AlGore for global warming. Otherwise it would be downright cold. It is a blistering four (4) Fahrenheit at the old homestead right now.

Who in the hell decided f-ing Iowa and New Hampshire could set the election stage. The whole Iowa Caucus thing is a joke (read up on how it works). How did two of our smallest states get so powerful? I guess it is better than letting the granola bars from Californication decide. How about this idea -- we have a national primary day in all fifty states on the same day? It seems to work for the national elections. That way every state would have a say in which bad choice is available for the national elections.

January 2, 2008

Monday on Wednesday

The coffee is on. I will pour a cup after I type this sentence. Did you miss me?

Well I am back to work today. I have been on vacation since the seventeenth of December, although the first several days I worked anyway, especially the 17th and 18th. I guess I am glad it is a short week, ease into it a bit. The next week or so will be slow as the industrial might of the nation kicks into gear. Most of my customers will not have time to see me until mid-month, even if I do offer a free lunch or dinner. In any case going back to work offers little excitement. I could live the retired life. I did like getting the paychecks though! I guess I will keep working.

The Daughter has to go back to school Thursday or Friday, the oldest son returns to College on Sunday. The wife and son go back to work and Middle School on Monday. Christmas break is ending for us all. I will miss the kids. It has been great having them home. In the face of Christmas bills, rising fuel costs and shrinking savings with two in College, I know one fact. I am a seriously rich man. Not in cash. But I did win life's lottery. For that I offer humble thanks to God.

A new year is upon us, I have made no resolutions. I intend to try and be happy every day. I want to try to learn something new every day. Those goal are nothing new for me. I think that is enough. They sound like simple goals but doing each makes for a tough day on occasion.

As we head into the New Year I want to reiterate what I said at Christmas, Thank You to each of you that takes time out of your busy day to read my brain droppings. Your visits and comments contribute far more than you know to helping me meet my daily goals of happiness and education. I am indeed blessed.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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