May 17, 2021

I cannot wait until I am king of the world

A post certain to anger more than one of my readers, but one wherein I’m absolutely right.

There is no legitimate reason to take your dog to Lowe’s or Home Depot.

The why? comes even more into question when your dog growls and barks and tries to fight the other dogs brought by other narcissistic look-at-me-I-have a dog owners.

That moves straight to WTF territory when you bring your dog and push it around in a shopping cart. 

If this is you, just stop. 

May 16, 2021

Spend my dollar

 I worked until midnight last night. I have to be back at ten this morning. Don’t expect my usual witty repartee, my I insightful analysis, my cutting jibes, my usual entertaining entry this morning. *

But I will toss up another selection for semi-oldies country weekend here at the old blog. Enjoy some Alabama:


I have an old blog post somewhere in the seven thousand that discusses the band Alabama, Gatlinburg, and my honeymoon. I’m too lazy to look it up and it really is not worth searching for anyway.** I’m not even sure why I mention it, to be honest. 

Anyway have a great Sunday. 



* true confession time. I wrote this Saturday morning.

** I looked it up anyway. No wonder I can remember the post. I just wrote it in September of last year. But no, it is not worth going back and revisiting if you did not read it at the time.

May 15, 2021

I showed up in boots

Worked late last night, slept in a little late this morning as a result. I had thought I might get a little yard work done this morning before work, but it is a bit on the chilly side at the moment. Besides, I don’t really want to. I have a three to midnight shift looming and spending the next 15 hours or so on my feet has little appeal. I think I’ll goof off and sip my coffee for a bit then reconsider my options. 

Isn’t it time the rabbits in Washington cleared out the razor wire and fencing? It is not becoming. We are not a nation of cowards, even if our ruling elite are. 

A dang dove is perched on the top of the fireplace, hooting and cooing and it is echoing down the flue. I hate doves. But that they flew from the ark and drowned. Sure the passenger pigeon went extinct, but their stupider cousin the mourning dove remains to annoy me on a sunny spring morning.

Pioneers recorded seeing huge flocks of passenger pigeons in the hinterlands of America. Experts estimate there were three to five billion passenger pigeons at one time. History says they were hunted to death, I say it was the noise of the giant flocks, to say nothing of the resultant guano that made it necessary to cull the birds to extinction. Do I feel bad about it? Not really. I can’t miss something I never new. 

Now that we have covered a variety of minutiae, it is time for today’s musical selection. Who doesn’t love shouting out the chorus of this gigantic hit? 


May 14, 2021

Hangovers hurt more than they used to

Here we are on a sunny Friday. I’m taking a few minutes to scribble an electronic post before the little granddaughter arrives. 

I have a tough weekend ahead of me; closing tonight and Saturday, and the mid shift Sunday. The good news I may have some opportunities to get new work in the coming weeks. It won’t be a better job,  but at least I won’t have to work every weekend. It won’t be soul-sucking retail.

Time for what you have really clicked here to see — what music will be featured this weekend. I planned all week to go with some classic rock, but just now decided to go in a different direction: eighties country.

Let’s start it off with some Boccephus:


And why not the counterpoint:


I played the heck out of this LP back in the day.

PS I saw Hank in concert back in the mid-eighties, up at the Holidome in Merrillville, IN. One of the worst concerts I ever attended. 

May 12, 2021

On you we (that’s French)

So there I was, combing through the archives, looking for none of your business. With each post I read I became increasingly embarrassed. Yes, I really was. 

No, not embarrassed for what I wrote then, rather for the pathetic shell this waste of letters and words has become. I’m sorry, faithful readers. Not to break my arm patting my back, but I once wrote some decent stuff. 

Oh, make no mistake, there was the usual garbage. The weather, the bad jokes, the “filler” posts. I certainly wrote a LOT more about politics in those days. 

I guess, neither I nor you can complain much. After all I charge exactly the same subscription fee to read here, and my salary for writing such drivel remains unchanged. 

I once swore I would never post a YouTube video here because it was lazy blogging. Snort.

I guess we can live with things as they are. As long as I fix the cigarette lighter.

May 10, 2021

The big wrap-up edition

Happy Monday, Blog world. Yesterday was strange weather-wise. We had heavy rain and thunder showers. That in itself is not so weird for mid-May. The notion that the furnace was running simultaneously is a bit out of the ordinary. Temperatures were just a notch above freezing (literally) again this morning. I carried the big planter of flowers I bought my wife for Mother’s Day into the garage to protect it from possible frost last night. Global warming, indeed.

Speaking of Mother’s Day, the wife was invited to a big Mother’s Day buffet with our daughter’s family and the invitation was graciously extended to me too, even though I am not a mother. Just a thought — I guess since my wife is a mom and we have participated in naked wrestling in the past,  you could argue I’m a real motherf... — anyway, the girls were sweet and the food was good and I ate myself silly. 

I spent the remainder of the day napping and watching movies. I suppose you could say I had a good Mother’s Day. 

May 9, 2021

I wish a

happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there.


I miss you mom.

May 8, 2021

Don’t Play With Me

Happy Saturday. I want to offer a quick reminder that Mother’s Day is tomorrow, so get your cards and flowers for the mothers in your life. Sure, it’s a Hallmark holiday, but it is for your mom, your wife, your daughter, the most important women in your life. Suck it up. They deserve it. 

On to this weekend’s musical artist — the erstwhile Rolling Stones. Mick and the boys formed in 1962 (a very good year for things to be born by all accounts). Contrary to myth, they were not bitter rivals of the Beatles, but friendLy fellow musicians. 

Anyway, here is a lesser know tune by the Stones, and another of my favorites. This song was the B side of the hit The Last Time:




And I surprisingly also like this song from Goats Head Soup, and in my experience you either love it or hate it:




Charley Watts looks bored to death in this video.I think he might be one of Angies haters.

Have a great Saturday . Me? I have other plans. I’m working three to midnight. Yay for me.

May 7, 2021

What’s the matter with you, boy?

Yeah, yeah. Too bad. How about another joke? There is nothing objectionable in this one that gets me labeled as a Neanderthal. 

Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charles, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”
“Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.”
“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It’s odd though you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?”
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said:
“Good morning General, can I get your coffee sir?”

It is a Rolling Stones weekend! I know you are excited beyond words.

Here is my favorite Stones song:


I used to sing this to my kids when I shuffled around in the middle of the night trying to get them back to sleep. I can’t hit the high notes any more.

May 6, 2021

Aggravating

 Maw is outside hangin up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen.

Maw walks in and says, “Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse.”
Paw says, “All right, Maw.”
Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, “Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!”
Maw says, “Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole.”
Paw says “I ain’t puttin my head in that there hole!”
Maw says, “Well you’re gonna have to if’n you’re gonna fix the problem!”
Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and he hollers, “Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!”
Maw hollers, “Now pull your head out of the hole.” Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, “Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard’s stuck in the cracks in the seat!”
Maw says, “Aggravatin’, ain’t it?”

May 4, 2021

Winning by accident

Frank was in my brother’s kindergarten class. He was in third grade with me. My brother was two grades ahead of me. Frank was idolized because he legally drove to school in Jr. High, but that is not germane to this story.

Back in third grade I was a runt. Frank was the opposite, a fifth grader in age, he was big even among his eleven year-old peers. Frank came back from Christmas break determined that I was responsible for anything that irked him at any given moment. He was irritated often. Nearly every day he promised I was going to get it after school. Apparently, he failed to grasp the notion that I rode the school bus, while he walked home, and that meant a promised meeting was pretty much impossible. 

Finally, Frank decided the fear of punishment was not enough to deter him from delivering the ass-beating I deserved for whatever I did to make him angry and swore I would get what was coming that day at recess. 

I hustled out to the playground. I knew Frank was a lot taller than me, so I climbed a pile of plowed snow beside the chain link fence around the school perimeter to help equalize the height difference. A crowd gathered as Frank approached. 

Frank wasn’t one of those guys who talked and boasted and threatened before a fight. He was a man of action. He came straight for me. I shifted position to prepare to run out of the way.  I tripped over an untied shoestring. I fell straight at Frank and we both tumbled to the ground, my elbow striking him square in the nose. Blood exploded over his face. As I scrambled to get up, my hand pushed him in the throat. He gagged and curled into a ball. Why not, I kicked him while he was down. A couple of times.

Then I ran. 

Frank’s friends helped him up, shielding him from the teacher monitoring the playground. He later said he fell on the ice to explain the bloody nose. 

I figured I was in for it the next day.

Instead, Frank became my biggest supporter. He thought I purposely fought him. And won. Everyone did. I had a newfound reputation and playground respect. 

Mom was always yelling at me to tie my shoes. 

She was wrong. Loose shoestrings saved my life. 

May 3, 2021

Dear Mr. Fantasy

I live in a fantasy world, one where I firmly believe the old adage that a government governs best when it governs least. I long for a politician that vows to go to Washington and vote “no” on any new law, regulation, or act until an old act or law covering the same subject is repealed. I want a representative like Davy Crockett, who once argued against paying a pension to a war widow, not because she didn’t deserve it, but because he could find no compelling reason to take money from taxpayers to give to another citizen. 

Too many politicians at every level seem to forget that the funds in that budget came straight and directly from the labors of another. The government has no money but that they have taken in taxes. It is not their money. It is my money and your money (and our great great grandchildren’s money). 

I don’t understand how you get a tax “refund” when you don’t pay taxes.

I do not understand how one person should pay a higher percentage of his income in taxes than another. 10, 20, or 25% is the same tax burden no matter if your income is $25,000 or $250,000. I also believe every one should pay taxes. We all need a little skin in the game. 

I don’t understand why it is an issue to show ID to vote. You have to show one to get unemployment, other benefits, or even get a COVID shot.

I do not believe it is the role of the government to compel us to buy anything, be it an insurance policy or an electric car. That does not mean I am against safety standards or clean air or water. But yes, I have issues with seat belt laws (I never start my car without mine on) or CAFE standards. If I want to buy a car that gets five miles to a gallon, it is my money to waste on gas. 

I believe we should judge a person on the content of his character, not the color of his skin. Period. That works both ways. There is no reason to have hate crime laws. A crime is a crime. Intent is not relevant.

Everyone should have equal opportunity. That doesn’t mean equal results. Some people are smarter than others. Some are better athletes. We all can’t be winners, be it the soccer field, or in life. 

No one is guaranteed a right not to be offended. If people say or do stuff I find offensive I remove them from my life. Sometimes a joke is a joke. If you don’t find it funny, move on.

I believe the market will solve most problems. The law of supply and demand is immutable. To reference a post from a few days ago, if there is a demand for electric cars, the market will provide those vehicles. Not the government. 

If these ideas make me a knuckle dragging Neanderthal, so be it.

I write this knowing these positions will be evidence at my coming show trial.

Edit: Every day I read Rotten Chestnuts and think that is exactly what I wish my blog was like. The linked post is even tangentially related to this mediocre post.

May 2, 2021

Lord Knows, I Can’t Change

 It looks to be a nice day. I won’t know, I have to work. But you didn’t come here for a weather report. I suspect you are here for the music.*

Here you go, today’s entries for Southern rock weekend:


And I think we have to go with the king daddy from Skynyrd:


That’s not my favorite from the band, but you can’t deny greatness.

Maybe it is not a funny story., but back when I made mixed tapes (who didn’t if you are of a certain age), I always cut the first line from Free Bird from the live album and inserted it about midway through the mix tape. You know, where Ronnie asks “What song do you wanna hear?”. I always found it amusing.


*that is why you stopped by, right? 

May 1, 2021

Partying with Peppa Pig

We stepped into the dollar store after supper to grab a few things. I get lunch snacks there, spice drops (my newest addiction), and a new ball for the littlest grandgirl. I. Willing to spend a buck for many things I wouldn’t otherwise buy. One thing I don’t think I would buy at the dollar store is pregnancy tests. Yes, they had pregnancy tests. Like most stuff there it probably came from China.  A country that breeds like rabbits is not my source for discovering if my girl is about to be my baby momma. Of course those kind of worries are decades in my past. 

Today we celebrate the youngest granddaughter’s birthday. Her actual birthday is the 4th, but family and friends will be partying like two year olds today. What can be bad about bounce houses and birthday cake?

Oh, despair not, it is still southern rock weekend here.


Have a great Saturday.

April 30, 2021

Green Ideas make me want to puke

 Dear Senator Tom Carper,

Read this preposterous position

You douchebag. Do you recognize that some people have a need to drive more than 500 miles at a time? You can put up tens of thousands of charging stations, but who wants to stop for an hour or two to recharge their vehicle just to drive from Indianapolis to Chicago and back? What if a family wants to drive to the beach for vacation? A twelve hour trip becomes a twenty hour trip each way because we would have to stop and charge our fucking car. Not everyone lives on the east coast you simp. Lots of us do not live in cities.

Where are we going to get the electricity to power all of these electric cars? Oh, yeah, from fossil fuels you ignorant leech on taxpayer money. If you ever had a real job, you would understand how things work, instead of living in a rainbow and unicorn world where life is powered by fairy farts and and birthday wishes. There isn't enough solar or windmill power available to power the grid.  And while we are at it, how much infrastructure upgrade and at what cost is it going to take to update the electric grid to power the tens of millions of cars? Maybe you should quit listening to mentally disturbed teenagers for your policy decisions.

Are you aware of the environmental damage done to mine for battery materials? 

I will not even get into the cost of electric vehicles.

Since you also probably believe we should stop eating meat to save the environment, where are we going to plant all of the vegetables needed to feed the country if all of the farm land is converted to wind and solar farms? Oh, and let us pray we don't have several days of cloudy weather in a row (most of winter in the midwest) or too much wind, (again most of the time in the midwest) if we are going to magically wish our way to a green new world. How do we get anywhere if we cannot charge our cars? Oh, I know, on non-existent public transportation. 

A lot of stupid crap is proposed in Washington, but this takes the cake.

I am trying really, really, hard not to swear these days, but stupid mofos like Tom Carper and most of the current Democrat party sure makes it hard not to: here is a hearty ScrewYou on a Friday.

Edited for my conscious 


Hold my beer and watch this

 Good morning, blog fans. It looks to be a good day, particularly since I have the day off. 

I really don’t want to be “that neighbor “, but if the people in the house next door continue to let their dog run lose to crap in my yard, bark at me in my own driveway, and be a general pain, I’m going to call animal control. 

Enough unpleasantness. How about you guess this week’s musical theme?


Yes, it is Southern  Rock weekend here at the old blog. 


I know. I’m excited about it too.why not give it a two-fear?


Since this is a two-fear on its own, I guess you get a triple play! Yay, you. Yay me.

April 29, 2021

Recap of the Big Speech

Me, me, me.

Blah, blah, tax and spend, tax and spend even more.

Blah, blah, you are all racist

Blah, blah, big government

Blah, blah look how tough I am

Blah, blah open borders

Blah blah

April 28, 2021

That is how it is done

Yesterday was about as close to a perfect weather day we get this time of year — pleasantly warm sans overwhelming humidity. It was a little windy, but you can’t have everything. 

The wife cut out early to get her hair done and then visit a friend. I was left to entertain the girls. We went to the park and then played outside until time for them to leave.

I then mowed the yard. Trimming and blowing complete, I retired to the patio and enjoyed a hard earned and well deserved hand rolled cigar. I had a diet root beer to cool my pallet. Really. Classic rock soothed my weary body as the fragrant smoke drifted away. 

Finished, I came in and fixed a skillet dinner of hamburger, onion, tomatoes and macaroni. I seasoned it up Italian style. The dishes fit right in the dishwasher. I plopped on the couch and doze-watched the Cubs fail to hit the ball in yet another loss.

So it goes.

April 27, 2021

Heavy Lifting Tuesday

Here is a question; given the Ninth and particularly the Tenth Amendments, how can Congress institute national police reform? Local policing over local laws is the definition of States’ prerogative, is it not?

The same certainty holds true with election laws. 

Please discuss. 

April 25, 2021

We should just make it eighties month

How about a Sunday double shock of eighties music? 

Well since I have control over content it doesn’t really matter does it?


That very well may be the question you are asking yourself right now.


Why not three?

Is there any tune more “eighties” icon than this:



April 24, 2021

Did you think I was kidding?

Our Eighties theme weekend continues:


I won’t lie. This is a canned post. I’m already at work when you read this. But since it was vacuumed packed it almost seems like it is fresh, right?

April 23, 2021

And I ran to vacation to show I got the beat

There is a deleted paragraph right where these words now appear. It was my normal trope about the weather. I’m already falling back into the old habits that made me take a hiatus earlier this year. Bleeping dreck.

I’m off work today. I think I may venture to the discount hair cut place this afternoon. 

I have the opening shifts all weekend. That is good, I get off early earlier that way. Shifts of 5-3 and 6-4 are not short workday, however. I have somehow injured my foot, so that is me limping around the big box pretending to want to help you.

I just remembered, now that it is Friday, that this was supposed to be eighties week here at the old blog. You all loved instrumental week so much I though I should continue the idea of musical theme weeks. . I said you liked it. Don’t argue with me. 

What the heck, let’s make it theme weekend:


I saw the Go Go’s back around the time of this Bandstand appearance live up at Purdue University. A quick search of the interwebz confirms it was in September of 1982. The Flock of Seagulls was the opening act. 

What? Oh, you know, the dude with the hair:


Have a great Friday.

April 22, 2021

Winter in spring

 Here are a couple of pictures the wife took of the 2-1/2 niches of heavy, wet snow we got Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. The dwarf crabapples branches are dragging almost to the ground from the weight. Even 5he Bradford pears on the right are drooping. Several houses in the neighborhood lost trees in the storm.




In Requiem

 I have known my friend Tony for a couple of decades. We met through our wives and kids. We shared a similar sense of humor. We coached some baseball teams together. Went to dinner with our wives occasionally. We played euchre. We watched the Super Bowl at each other’s house. We celebrated many New Years together.

We haven’t seen him as much since we moved. They still lived down the street in the old neighborhood. 

When we went on our second cruise back in 2015, Tony and his wife booked a cabin next to ours. It was going to be a blast. Two weeks before sailing he went for a routine heart scan. Red flags went up and he found himself in the hospital. Days later he had a quadruple bypass. No cruise for them. 

Tony’s heart continued to deteriorate. The damage was done. Ultimately, he ended up on the transplant list, tied to a big battery pack powering the artificial valves on the left side of his heart. But he never lost his positive outlook or his humor. 

Tony was my exact opposite politically. We never argued about politics. Tony was proof that people can amicably agree to disagree. And yes, I laughed when he sent me an “ Obama” birthday card. 

Tony had to have emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix last week. Complications set in. He never recovered. Tony went to join God Tuesday evening. 

He will be missed by his wife, his daughter, and step kids. He leaves a ton of friends behind. I consider myself one. I’m honored to be so. 

I’m pretty sure he has some angels cornered , grinning while he tells a silly joke. 

April 21, 2021

Quickly

 We got a few inches of snow last night. We should be contemplating cold beer and nice cigars on the patio, not freezing temps and fluffy snow. So it goes.

Filled up the car yesterday. Nearly ten bucks more than pre-Biden. Thanks Joe, you lying socialist mofo.

I’m off to work. I would say I hate this opening shift, but I dislike it no more than the closing shift or the mid-day shift. 

On the other hand I had a bowl of Froot Loops for breakfast, so there is that.


Edit:  If you are so inclined, prayers for my friend Tony and his family would be appreciated. He passed away last night after complications from surgery.  He will be missed by a lot of people.

April 19, 2021

But I would walk five hundred miles

Actually, it was 45 miles I walked this week at work, Wednesday through Sunday. I have no idea how much weight I lifted. I need today off. Thankfully, the schedule says I have it. 




In light of the coming unrest and race riots in (your city here), I thought I would share some interesting facts.  

in 2020, police shot and killed 457 black suspects as compared to 241 white and 169 Hispanic suspects. That’s literally more than both of those minority categories combined. In 2017 the difference was even more stark. 457 black suspects were shot and killed, compared to 223 white and 179 Hispanic suspects. Source

Ok, I edited the quote. I switched “black” and “white” everywhere the words appear. In truth, police killed white suspects at nearly twice the rate of black suspects and more than black and Hispanic suspects combined. That is for sure not the narrative you see in today’s “everyone is racist” media. 


April 18, 2021

And so it began


Despite quotes to the contrary, history does not repeat. Yet we can learn valuable lessons from it. On this date*** 246 years ago this country was born in the midst of pain and blood as Americans stood up against all odds to the most powerful government on Earth in an act of defiance and yearning for freedom. 

We learned in school and by reciting that Paul Revere poem about the British marching on Lexington and Concord. What many don’t know was the Redcoats were going to confiscate guns. That is a history lesson the current administration refuses to recognize. *

So today marks the true birthday of the United States, not the one we celebrate that occurred a year later.

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,
   Their flag to April’s breeze unfurled,
Here once the embattled farmers stood
   And fired the shot heard round the world. Emerson


*not a threat, a statement of fact for any of you police state types. I don’t even own a gun, mine were lost hunting bears along the Blue River**

*** in the name of historical accuracy I should note the Battles of Lexington and Concord were on April 19th. Paul Revere and others launched forth with their warnings and to call out to the Minute Men on April 18th. When I started typing I was going to discuss this but my brain got sidetracked.


April 16, 2021

So exciting you will want to read it twice

Me and the doughboy fixed some orange rolls for breakfast this morning. I needed the sugar rush, my blood sugars were a low 78 when I got up. 

I close the store the next few nights. That is not my favorite shift at all. That is how things go in the wonderful world of retail. 

I got my second Covid shot yesterday. I am now set, the government tracking device is implanted and ready to transmit. Sarcasm aside, the vaccine may help, it may not. I get the flu shot every year too.  Now I just have to wait until next month and I can get my second shingles shot. Now that is a malady I hope to never suffer again. Have you ever taken a nasty punch or bat to the ribs?  I have, and that is exactly what my shingles felt like.

How about a deep cut from Indiana’s own this morning? He may be an ass, but I like this song. 


If you read this Freddie, I know you hate his music. This may be the first Mellencamp I have posted. Maybe. I don’t know. 

Have a great Friday, amigos.

April 14, 2021

Yup

 Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in the back of a trailer, drinking a beer and talking about life.

Billy-Bob said, “If I snuck over to your house while you were out fishing and had sex with your wife, and she got pregnant, would that make us kin?”

Bubba scratched his head for a bit and said, “I don’t think so…but it sure would make us even.”

April 13, 2021

Topical Tuesday

 It is a new day. Not a different day, just a new one. The birds are chirping with enthusiasm in the backyard. I can hear the heavier sounds of traffic on the nearby “numbered” street that fronts my backyard. There are many, many more cars and trucks than normal since traffic is detoured along this stretch due to a construction closure of the main artery. Getting in, and particularly getting out, of the neighborhood has become difficult. So it goes, I chose to move to the ‘burbs. 

The Cubs offensive woes continue. I’m pretty sure a group of random minor leaguers could likely match the anemic .147 batting average the team has posted. They won’t win many games with four hits and 10 strikeouts. When you average about one run a game, a bad inning by a starter or reliever spells certain doom. 

The team will be broken up soon anyway. The Rickets have discovered what Wrigley and the Tribune knew; there is no need to put a good product on the field, fans will watch and attend and buy the merchandise win or lose, so why spend the big bucks on star players?

I’m off work today. The lawn is finally dried out from the weekend rain. It is time to drag out the mower. After the lawn is done I need to spray some weed killer to knock down the dandelions that spread from the neighbors on either side. 

I have a long list of landscaping projects from the wife. Bushes need to be removed in front and replaced by something not overgrown and half dead. New mulch laid. She wants me to remove a couple of lilacs from near the patio. It seems my random days off work are going to be filled with work. 

No politicians were attacked or harmed in this Post.

Have a great Tuesday. 

April 12, 2021

Rounding up rowdy raccoons

Monday, Monday, as the Mamas and Pappas sang, it was all I hoped it would be. It is with promise we greet the new week. Then I look at the news and see this week is just another crappy page on the calendar. 

The *administration still has no clue on the border. 

What part of “shall not be infringed” is ambiguous? 

We are all racists. Except for that BLM exec who has leveraged her million dollar plus salary into some prime real estate a long way from those crime ridden neighborhoods she wants to “fix”. 

Indiana health officials are blaming our modest spike in Wuhan flu cases on anything and everything except inviting tens of thousands of basketball fans from around the country for the NCAA Men’s Tourney. 

I don’t look for racism under every rock,  but is there any doubt that Army Officer in Virginia was pulled over and pepper sprayed solely for driving while black? And for the record coppers, the dude cannot undue his seat belt nor open the door while holding his hands out of the car. And no, it is not unreasonable to ask why you are being pulled over without a gun being stuck in your face. This is not about officer safety, rather power. While I’m on that soapbox, the swat team isn’t needed to keep a restaurant closed in Burbank, either. 

I have the day off. I need it. I’m sore all over today. 

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.

When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that faucet?” The manager replied, “That’s a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00. Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that is a very expensive faucet. It’s certainly out of my price bracket.”

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. “Ma’am, do you wanna screw for the hinge. Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back,

No, but I will for the faucet.”

That is why you read the whole post, my friends.

Have a great Monday, Monday

April 10, 2021

Analog dreams

I veered off the trail onto a game path, my lithe body small enough to fit between the maples and sassafras  as easily as the deer that wore down the undergrowth. It was hot. Small sweat ran down my back. There was unexpected rock in a small clearing. Sunlight played a yellow and green light as it sifted through the leaves. Birds chirped. I sat. A woodpecker beat a steady tattoo. I searched: there, high on that beech. Frogs and cicadas hummed a steady background. Gnats and mosquitoes buzzed in my ears. 

I sat motionless. I was far enough into the woods the sound of irreverent boys was lost. The church of nature soothed my soul. Giant sycamore leaves rustled in the small breeze. A something fell from the heights: a branch, or nut, or pine cone. By now even the squirrels ignored me. I idly and slowly brushed at the insects humming in my face and ears.

I saw small movement out of the corner of my right eye. A box turtle moved across the trail in halting minuscule steps. Slowly, slowly he inched along, aiming with precision towards a patch of nettles. Eventually he entered and disappeared without a trace. No bent stems in his wake. I wondered at that. 

I glanced right, the way I had come. To the left I sensed water, the rivulet that flowed through the camp. With a sigh I moved down the game path, straddled the stream and came back to the trail I had been on earlier. 

This time I did turn right. After a few hundred yards or so, I heard voices. An almost imperceptible frown touched briefly on my narrow 13 year old face.

April 9, 2021

Friday

 We round out our week of instrumental music with some great guitar work from the under appreciated Glen Campbell.


A two-fer. 

One of the greatest instrumentals of all time:



I left for a weekend-long canoe trip the day after I saw this the first time...

Bonus:
I can’t let instrumental week go by without this one,



April 8, 2021

Thursday Head Scratching

 Let me get this straight. MLB moved the all-star game out of Atlanta because of the “restrictive “ new voting laws passed by the Georgia legislature. 

They have moved the game to Denver. 

Colorado has stricter voting requirements than Georgia’s new ones. 

Look it up. Apparently MLB didn’t read Georgia’s law nor Colorado’s. Or even New York’s, where MLB is headquartered, since the Empire State also has stricter voting requirements than Georgia. 

Knee jerk actions. Jerk being the optimum word.

On to today’s instrumental selection:




April 7, 2021

Help!

I have a problem. Every day I go to the interwebs to find music to post for this Theme Week. Every day I get down into a rabbit warren  of classic rock videos. Steve Winwood leads to Chicago, leads to Yes, leads to Blind Faith, leads to Ten Years After, then I’m on Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, then CSN. Oh my, what a daily journey. I had forgotten CSN did a credible version of Dear Mr. Fantasy. How do you choose between Spencer Davis Group or Chicago doing I’m a Man? We won’t even get into where this selection led me this morning:


April 6, 2021

Voices carry

Yesterday was a gorgeous day, highs in the upper 70s and low humidity. I worked. 

I find myself up early this morning. You don’t care. I really do not either. 

We are continuing our instrumentals week with a little Santana from Woodstock.why not? Carlos and the boys were rocking some Latin beats. You don’t suppose any of those guys were high do you?


When Santana played at Woodstock, they were mostly unknown. Woodstock catapulted the act to fame. Soul Sacrifice became one of the highlights of the subsequent Woodstock movie and soundtrack. 

April 5, 2021

Participation Trophies for Everybody

I threw a small pork shoulder on the smoker yesterday. Nothing like eating pork to celebrate the most famous Jew. Some homemade macaroni salad, deviled eggs, and baked beans rounded out a fine Easter dinner for the wife and I. 

We had beautiful weather here at the homestead. I smoked the pork, I smoked a nice stogie, listened to some baseball, and did some yard work. A good day all around. It is forecasted for more nice weather today. I may try to get the porch, drive, and patio power washed this afternoon.

It is instrumental week here at the old blogeroo. Let us start out with a classic. I’ll take your suggestions for more entries in the comments. I’ll probably ignore them, but at least you will feel like part of the team. 

Have a good Monday.



April 4, 2021

Happy Easter

 


It is not about the bunny and the eggs

April 3, 2021

Woot, Hooray, Yay!

I have an entire weekend off work. The store is closed Sunday and I wrangled today off. Of course, I woke at 5:30 this morning. So it goes.  

We had dinner with some old friends last night we haven’t seen in what seems like forever. I’m sure the waiter was disgusted we hogged the table far too long, but that’s life. I was beat by the time we got home after working all day. 

Tonight we are going to hang out with a different couple for supper and euchre. 

The wife and I are regular social butterflies. 

I think I will watch a movie this morning. Then I may start some research for a long historical post that has been swirling in my brain pan. “May” is the key word there (that’s why highlighted it for those of you on the slow train). I’m not sure you guys care too much when I throw out my soporific history posts. Things are boring enough around here without me adding a bunch of dates and facts. I can see your eyes glaze over. 

I have my ways. 

On the other hand, I’m used to it. I get “that look” from wife all of the time. 

There you have it, a Saturday post. I hope you have a great day.

April 1, 2021

No April Fool Joke Here, Outside of the Weather

We are getting a dose of that Global Warming. April Fools hasn’t been this cold in almost 100 years. It may snow. It is snowing. Still, I don’t feel bad for those folks who planted flowers in that warm spell a week or so ago. Grandma always said never plant before Mother’s Day. 

Today is opening day. Not yesterday. Today. I am optimistic as possible with the Cubs firmly in a tie for first place. I’ll miss the game. Work. There will be more. 

Today is also Holy Thursday. I think this is the saddest day of Holy Week. I cannot imagine the strength Jesus brought to the Last Supper, knowing what lay before him. 

I’ve cinnamon rolls in the oven. The doughboy is unforgiving if you overbake.

Have a great day.

March 31, 2021

A bit of everything

G. Gordon Liddy has passed. The Watergate mastermind, actor and talk show host was always one of my favorite listens back in the day. I preferred his bombast over Rush. Of all the accounts of the Watergate burglary, I think his is most accurate. Liddy accepted his role and wasn’t trying to make himself look better or unsmirch his reputation like John Dean did. Sure, Liddy was crazy. But he was entertaining. And often right about things. Look up some of his “debates” with Timothy Leary for examples.

Here is one of my favorites from the Moody Blues:




Ok, I did the “massive” research for you.



March 29, 2021

What Time has wrought

I was perusing scrapbooks rescued from my Dad's house. I ran across an old photo from more than 40 years ago.

Now sporting much thinner and grayer hair, that smooth skin has been replaced by wrinkles and spots, but yup, it was me as a senior in high school. This one was Mom's favorite from my Senior pictures



March 28, 2021

Ordinary Average Guy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down to the keyboard to write. An author should write about something he knows. The thing is, I don’t want to write non fiction. I don’t have the patience nor the time for the endless research. Besides, real historians have covered any topic I might find interesting ad nauseam.

If I look to my own life, I find little inspiration. I am truly the epitome of the ordinary average Joe. I wasn’t picked on in high school. Prom was nothing special; a dance in the high school cafeteria where I wore a rented tux. I wasn’t scorned by the popular kids, nor was I one of them. I got along with the jocks and the band geeks.

I can’t sing. I can’t play an instrument. I’m not an athlete. I was never the fastest, nor the slowest runner. I wasn’t the first one picked when teams were chosen. I certainly wasn’t the last one picked either. 

My home life and childhood was good. I had loving parents who gave me what they could and supported me in every way. 

I got slightly better than average grades in school. I had a girlfriend. I had a good time in college but was rather anonymous. 

I have three kids, a wife and a middle class existence. 

I am, like you, a perfect nobody. An average guy, living in the Midwest. Hardly the inspiration for the next great American novel. I live the “Seinfeld” of lives.

I can cook all the dishes your Mom prepared when you were a kid. I probably make them just as good, but not better. I can do basic home repair, but no more. 

I probably traveled more than most, unless you were in the military. 

I often joke that I would have been voted Most Forgettable in high school, but no one could remember my name. 

Heck, even this little-read blog is anonymous. 

I live the average life. I’m like you. There is no “It’s a Wonderful Life” story about me. I didn’t touch anyone’s life. I haven’t done good in the community. I’ve inspired no one. I’m good with that. 

It just makes for boring.

March 27, 2021

I hates that wrabbit

 It’s gonna hit 74 today. I gotta work. There is not much to add. 

How about some music?


Perhaps one of the funniest movies ever. 

Have a great Saturday.

March 26, 2021

Heartless

Funny, ain’t it, how Joe* kept reporters a first down away at his news conference yesterday. Fear of the COVID, I guess. He even masked up, though it would take super germs to fly that far. Too bad the President * doesn’t have the same consideration and concern for the health of Americans. If he did, he wouldn’t let thousands of possibly infected illegals jump the border every day. 

As anyone who watched The Godfather Ii. knows, we used to screen immigrants at the border and quarantine those that were sick. Nope, not today’s Democrats. They want to flood the country with illegals, grant citizenship, and gain new voters that will vote for the same policies that made their own countries shitholes. Yeah, I said it. Yes, I’ve been there, the interior of Mexico, not the beaches and tourist sites. It is a shithole for many. Not everyone. Not every area. I understand why they want to come here. That doesn’t mean we should have open borders. I want to live in the big houses out by the reservoir. Like Mick said, “You can’t always get what you want “. It is not our responsibility to fix the world.



March 25, 2021

Deep Digging

The Hoosier state is loosening the reigns of COVID restrictions as the infection rate drops. The mask mandate ends early April. Of this there are three possibilities. First the Governor believes things are safe enough. Two, there is growing political and homegrown pressure that enough is enough. The State representatives are moving to strip Governor Holcomb of some emergency powers. Me, I’m more cynical. In light of the decision to host the entirety of the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament locally, thousands of visitors have flooded Indy. The news is filled with images of partying crowds, many maskless, downtown.  Good for the economy, bad for spreading the Wuhan Flu. Now, if a spike in sick people occurs, the blame will shift from “Why’d you let thousands of potential Typhoid Marys into the city” to “We lifted the mask mandate too early —we shouldn’t have trusted you rubes to keep socially distant”. 

I suspect the motives of every politician, no matter the party. 

March 23, 2021

A living will cautionary tale

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

His wife got up, Kissed him ever so gently, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

March 22, 2021

This, that, other thing

Hoo boy, what a weekend. Everybody came into the store to spend up those stimulus checks. Busy isn’t the word for it. I busted my hump for the past three days. I’m glad I have tomorrow off. 

I made grilled chicken salads for dinner, so supper  was somewhat healthy. 

I think I tanked an interview this afternoon. That leaves me seriously bummed. We shall see. Things were going well too. This was the third person ( and most important) from the company I have talked to in the past week. I did my best. That’s all I can do.

In other news, I got nuthin’ have a great tomorrow.

March 21, 2021

Present

 Much to my chagrin the world didn’t end. I’m still here, a year older and once again heading in for the opening shift. It will be another busy day as everyone is out spending those stimulus checks.

I had a great birthday. Thanks for your well wishes.

Have a great Sunday. Me? I’ve made other plans.

March 20, 2021

Fresh as canned peaches

This ain't live. It is Memorex. I suspect you have to be of  a certain age to understand that near-archaic reference. Restated, this is a canned post (I wrote it on Tuesday to be precise). I closed the store last night (Friday, stick with me, and be in the present. Today is Saturday, unless the World ended, then you won't be reading this anyway). That means I worked until 11 PM. The scheduling geniuses have me opening this morning (Saturday, keep up). Yes, I have to be at work at 6 in the ayem. I am already hard at work as you read this. I am operating on a handful of hours of sleep.  The lone bright spot is I get off by mid-afternoon.

The whole point of the opening monologue, complete with asides, is that I am free this evening to celebrate yet another trip around the sun. Yes, yes, some of you are focusing on the lesser First Day of Spring thing. I suppose you may be forgiven since my birthday has not yet received the national attention it deserves. March 20 is both, the equinox and my birthday. Two, two, two mints in one (yet another old commercial reference).

Do not fret if you failed to note the anniversary of my nativity today. There is no need to send gifts or cards. The fact I am alive and breathing is gift enough (again, I am making assumptions several days in advance. If I have croaked in the interim this whole entry seems even more silly than already in evidence) (On the other hand, if I have assumed room temperature, there is really no way for you to know other than posts will stop at some point. Probably today). Confused? Me too. 

Hopefully, I will not be too tired for the birthday nookie I anticipate this afternoon (wishful thinking on my part, certainly -- even though that is the only present I have asked for for decades). If we can scrape up the cash, I hope we will go for a cheap steak at the joint down the road. 

This post has been brought to you by the numbers five and nine. That makes me not yet sixty, so suck it oldsters. 

March 19, 2021

Shots in the arm and bank account

 I was vaccinated for the Chinese Flu yesterday. So far, I have suffered no ill effects. I am tired, bored, surly, and anxious. That, thankfully(?), is my normal demeaner. And sarcastic. I tend to be a little sarcastic occasionally. I know, you find that surprising, right?

Somehow, the * Administration is shocked to learn that saying they are going to open the borders and giving a Price Is Right-type "Illegal Aliens, Come on Down" shout-out creates a giant backlog of people trying to break into the country. Well, duh.*

The good news is we got our stimulus check, The bad news is that it went to the car loan, the electric bill, the gas bill, and the water bill. There I go stimulating the economy with my grandkids future earnings. I desperately need a new pair of decent shoes. I walk about 30 miles a week and that wears down running shoes fast. I bought the current pair of black Adidas in the fall of 2018. They are worn out inside. A new pair of something is in the works. Soon. Perhaps this weekend. 

*that would be sarcasm

March 18, 2021

ABC

A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesmen back in Omaha.” The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, “One.”The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” “$101,237.65.” “$101,237.65? Holy Mother of Mary! What did you sell him?” “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.” “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!” “No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.”

March 17, 2021

Because I can, and you cannot stop me

Here is a un-snappy rerun from 2014. It is neither particularly funny, nor amusing. It is from St. Paddy's Day though. Besides, it harkens to an earlier time when, well, I don't know what it harkens to other than a way to fill the screen with words.

Enjoy, don't, whatever.

 

Happy St. Gertrude's Day

My calendar proclaims today is St.Patrick's Day, or as my very Irish roommate used to call it, Amateur Night at the local bar. I suppose any gent who gets rid of snakes is worth celebrating. 

But for a variety of circumstances my own name might have been Patrick. My birth name is a long boring story (OK, I never really listened when my Mom went on about naming me something else).  I was not born on St. Joseph's day either. Since my family is heathen protestant from way back, the Saint's days did not figure into our names at birth. Too bad, some of the Saints who share my birthday are St. Benignus, St. Cuthbert, St. Tetricus, and St. Nicetus. If I ever have another kid, I am naming him Benignus. Maybe I should change the name of this blog to Breakfast with Benignus, or The Benignus Blog. or maybe The Cuthbert Chronicles. Dang, I finally come up with a catchy blog title nine years too late.

You know who really gets screwed over on March 17? St. Ambrose, that is who. And St. Gertrude. According to Catholic.org, "Gertrude was a mystic, gifted with visions. She befriended the Irish saints Foillian and Ultan. Gertrude is a patroness of travelers and gardeners". Gertrude was Irish, why aren't you swilling green beer in her honor today?  Today is St. Gertrude's day. Celebrate it.


Stereotyping the Day

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and
his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms, “that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man.
“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

March 16, 2021

Public Safety Waning

 In light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung.

Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

March 15, 2021

March 14, 2021

I didn't even know Jello Pie was a real thing

Once again we have moved to the odious and misnamed and pointless DST. Nothing is saved. We have the same hours of daylight we would have enjoyed had we not done the changing of the clocks thing. So it goes.

The coffee is good and  hot. Music is playing in the background and I am hunting and pecking on the old computer as I rush through the old blogroll before heading off to another thrilling day at work. I do get two days off a week. I just wish they were together. Again, so it goes. 

That "so it goes" phrase is straight out of Vonnegut. The only decent line he ever wrote, I posit. 

You cannot tell from this post, but I really do not go around with a dour face and poor attitude. I am generally a happy person. This here anonymous little-read blog is where I vent. Should we ever meet in real life I think you would find me a much more pleasant person than comes across in these electronic pages. 

There you have it, another real-life adventure in the life of a hoosierboy. Tune in again next time for more adventure.

I gotta be honest. Whatever you are paying to read this site is way, way too much. 

March 12, 2021

Every little thing's gonna be alright

We find ourselves  on a Friday morning with a day off work. I need a day off. 

It is with a great deal of satisfaction that I see a few buds on the maple tree outside my office window are starting to open out a bit. The tulips at the base of the tree have pushed through the mulch by about an inch. Mother Nature never fibs. Spring is upon us. I don't care what the thermometer says.

I come to you this morning from a new medium. I am typing away on a "new" desktop computer. It is my dad's computer. It is not new, but certainly better than the 10 year old laptop I have been using. It was one we bought for my son when he was in high school. I suspect we paid about $300 for it at the time and got what we paid for. This computer seems like a Cadillac in comparison. This is the first desktop machine I have used since we discarded the old one about seven or eight years ago.  That one we bought around 2002 or so. Yes, we are right up on technology here at the old homestead. The wife does have a fairly new iPad and our cellphones are of recent vintage. 

The screen seems gigantic in comparison to the laptop, that is for sure. Getting reacquainted with the number pad is also nice. 

What say we trot out some Friday music? This is full of hope and the beach vibe evokes images of Spring Break and the normal vacation I won't be taking this month:


Have a great Friday, mon amis.

March 10, 2021

Close, but no cigar

I had several interviews with a promising potential employer a couple of weeks ago. The inevitable “Thanks but no thanks” email arrived yesterday. So it goes. 

If I am destined to work the rest of my days at the home improvement store I can only pray my days are numbered.

I know God has a plan.  It finally occurs to me that plan may not involve happiness and success. 

I have the first interview with a recruiter about another opportunity later this morning. Back on the hampster wheel before heading to my retail job. 

March 8, 2021

Right Turn, Clyde

I had the early shift this morning so I was home by early afternoon. I was just in time to enjoy the spring sun and temps in the upper sixties! I immediately took to the patio and lit up a nice hand-rolled stogie to celebrate being alive. Why not?

I had my periodic checkup at the doc last week. Blood sugars were under control (A1C = 6.3), weight steady and well within guidelines,  and blood pressure a nice 112/73. 

See what clean living does for you?

Too late



March 7, 2021

Thanks for the Quarter, Scrooge McDuck

It is a sunny, chilly Sunday. I'm ensconced here in the office on a rare weekend day off doing my son's taxes. Easy, peasy, plug in the numbers and let the software do the work. Classic rock plays in the background.

I helped the wife clean the house earlier, after watching an old movie this morning. Ho hum, ho hum, boring, boring. OK, no more repetitive words, I promise. 

The Senate just voted through a big porked-up Covid bill. Thanks to my granddaughters and great granddaughters and great great grandkids for their generosity. I could use the money. Of course people making almost $200,000 a year are all gushing with "look what I did for you" pride by giving Americans a whopping $1,400. That is about 1/2 of Nancy Pelosi's WEEKLY salary that's paid for by you and I.

Oh, and in the bill prisoners and illegals get a check too.  Inmates really need that cash to spur the economy, catch up on their bills, and I don't know. Also, as a special bonus Federal Workers (go Union!) will get FIFTEEN WEEKS of paid time over and above their generous vacation and sick leave if they have to deal with the Covid in even an abstract way. Some public transportation pork was thrown in for California and New York, because clearly that is a Covid-related expense. And we are going to help bail out tax-heavy, spend-heavier Blue states and municipalities with their expenses, because after all, it is my fault and your fault out here in flyover country that the Blue Staters have had a harder time of things than us rubes in the hinterlands. And we are going to give a ton of money to schools that are not open because...they need it, dammit. You are welcome. But hey, you and I are gonna get enough free money to maybe cover one month's mortgage and groceries, if we skimp. Thanks! 

If the Feds took that 1.9 trillion and divided it by the population of the US every one of us would get about $5,700 bucks.  Probably twice that if the income criteria from the porked up Corona virus bill was applied. Feel good about that $1,400 now?

Thank goodness we have a new era of cooperation and reaching across the aisle now that Biden* is not tweeting mean stuff like Orange Man Bad. It is just a coincidence I am sure the vote was taken when one of the Republican Senators had a family emergency and wasn't present to vote...

Yes, it is Sarcastic Sunday here at the old blogspot in case you missed it.


edit. I just looked at my stats for the first time in a week or two. What the heck, Sweden? I can't believe the land of ABBA sent more visitors here than the United States. You 'Murcans better get on the ball and click this here site more often. And don't go blaming my lack of posts, either. Sven and Oloff do not seem to care. 


March 4, 2021

Hypocritical Highlights

So, the *administration is all about the COVID. Once again they are touting social distancing, masks, keeping businesses, schools, and restaurants closed. 

For our protection.

How then does one reconcile the move to open up the border to more people, no evidence of a clean bill of health required?

How do we get “herd immunity “ when we keep adding strays to the herd?

Before you freak out, that is a metaphor. 

March 3, 2021

Snoozerama

My son arrived from Denver on Friday night. We put him back on a plane Monday evening. It was great to have him home, I just wish it was under different circumstances. We had a nice cookout at my daughter's house Sunday. It was great to have the whole family together. Too bad my youngest son had to work. We did gather, everyone, for lunch after the funeral on Monday. That was far less festive. 

I am working the midday shift most of this week. I don't mind that; getting off at 6 or 7. Friday, I close. Working until 11 stinks, but I appreciate the hours. It looks like I am going to start putting in some time in a different department. I am not sad about that. My current job includes lots of heavy lifting. Lots. Coming home less sore and tired would not be a bad thing. I guesstimate I lifted about a ton and a half yesterday, for reference. Though I am often prone to exaggeration, that is not hyperbole. On the other hand, the physical nature of the job has brought on muscle definition I haven't seen since 1980-something. You know me, I am always look on the bright side kind of guy.

I am.

The wife picked me up after work yesterday and we had to make a quick stop at the grocery. When we got home I threw a couple of thin ribeye steaks on the grill, marinated for about 15 minutes in Dales Sauce
Throw that guy on a bun and it was a quick easy delicious supper. 

Otherwise, I have nothing, per usual.

Have a great whatever day this is.

February 26, 2021

Weekend Funny

 The first applicant of the day at the Pearly Gates explains that his last day was not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.

I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found superhuman strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
“I was on the roof of an apartment-building working on the AC equipment
and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”

Saint Peter couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.
Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologizes and says, “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”
“I don’t know,” replies the man. “Picture this, I’m naked, hiding in this cedar chest…”


February 24, 2021

Old Groaner

 Oly was working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally sliced off all ten of his fingers.

He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor who examines him is really disturbed at such a tragedy. “Oh, yuck! Well, that’s all right, Oly, give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“I haven’t got the fingers,” Oly said, gasping through his pain.

The doctor said, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2021. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have reattached the fingers. You’d be as good as new! Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

“Well, geez, Doc,” Oly groaned, I couldn’t pick ’em up.”

February 23, 2021

Tuesday afternoon

Yeah, I really don't have much to say. 

Thank you for all of your kind words. I mean it -- it touches me that my internet friends, strangers really, care enough to comment upon my life's tragedies.

Mostly, this is an effort to move that post down. 

Done.

We are in the midst of a big warm up. Temps are in the forties today, The snow is finally melting.  

I guess this is going to be a post of random non sequiturs. That is nothing new either.

The only good thing to come from my dad's passing is my son is coming home from Colorado for a couple of days.  It has been more than a year since I saw him last -- when he surprised me for Christmas in 2019. It will be very, very good to see him.

Is it strange that I find the posts I think are among the best (grading on a curve, obviously) are those that I have written regarding the deaths in my family since I started writing this blog -- my grandmother, my mother-in-law, my grandson, my mom, and now my dad? Your opinion may vary. My opinion of this notion may change upon a whim. Memory is a strange thing, I don't reread my writings often, and I usually skip the painful ones, so my viewpoint could be more than a little skewed. They have certainly been the hardest to write. Perhaps I equate effort with quality? 

Bippity, boppity, boo. I should have put up the bad joke I intended when I started typing. 

Now you know what to expect tomorrow.

February 22, 2021

Counting Down

One......two......three.....each labored breath was accompanied by a low moan on the exhale....six.....seven.....the timer on the phone counted down the seconds from the minute timer as  the slow shallow breathing continued.....twelve.....thirteen.....fourteen.....one minute was up.

There was no breath number fifteen. I had just counted my Dad's last breaths on Earth*. I looked at my brother. "He's gone", I said. Dad's pain was done. He had gone to join my Mom in Heaven. 

I had made my peace with it in the previous days.

He called me at precisely two am Friday morning. The conversation was short. "Joe, I need you to come stay with me"

"I'm on my way. I'll be there as fast as I can".

It was just a a few days more than month ago, on his birthday, when he went to see the doctor about swelling and fluid leaking from his leg. Two days later he was back at the Doc, and on his way to the hospital where he was told it was the Big C, a mass filling his whole abdomen, more spread through his body. Go home. Call hospice. Make arrangements. 

He was vomiting in a bucket when I got there. Uneaten food sat on the tray beside his recliner. He was weak. Throughout Friday I helped him get up, brought him water, watched westerns on TV with the volume turned way too loud. He slept on and off, more on than not. Hospice came. A hospital bed was ordered. He moved into the bed. Friday night was rough. He was up every ten minutes or so. Saturday saw my family come to see him. The hospice nurse came by. The end was getting near. Morphine was brought into the picture. Saturday night was restless, but better than Friday as the drugs held him down.

Sunday my brother came. The hospice nurse administered stronger cocktails to ease his pain. Death came to visit too. 

My Pop was gone. I choose to remember him sipping beer, laughing, his good humor evident. Not as the shrunken, broken shell that held on to me as I lifted him up in the hospital bed in his living room.

So long Dad. You are back with Mom, where you belong.

* the hospice nurse said tracking the breaths per minute was a gauge of his status

February 21, 2021

Do you remember?

Once upon a time there was a huge, once in a hundred years natural disaster. Weather played havoc with electric power and people ran out of food, water, and everyday basic needs. The President was universally condemned for his failure to respond in a timely manner as it took a few days to declare a Federal Emergency and get FEMA involved. The Katrina deaths were blamed on President Bush and we still mark the anniversary in some circles every year.


Remember when President Buden* was held to the same standard as people die in weather ravaged Texas? 


Yeah, me neither.

February 15, 2021

Revenge of the astrix

 The weather cognoscenti all agree we are getting a big dose of Climate Change today with frigid temperatures, sub-zero windchills, and up to a foot of snow. I call it winter.

We were advised to cut back on the thermostat and throw on an extra sweatshirt because natural gas prices are on the rise. Seems there is a developing shortage. 

Biden* has put a moratorium on fracking and drilling so the once so plentiful natural gas supply we were exporting it is starting to dry up. Who saw that coming? I suspect we will see $4 gas by the end of the year. But the pouty Scandinavian teenager will be less unhappy, so there is that. More importantly, Trump can’t tweet mean things any more. 

Thanks for that Biden* voters.


February 14, 2021

Thoughts XIV

 I spilled spot remover on my dog

Now he is gone 


Oh, Happy Valentines Day

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