August 31, 2022
August 30, 2022
August 29, 2022
|What is wrong with this man?|
August 28, 2022
It was a nice sunny late summer day yesterday so the wife and I climbed into the Grand Cherokee for a short road trip back to the old hometown. We went to the ice cream stand for tacos. The wife opted for a vanilla Coke while I washed down my food with a diet. Don’t question why the ice cream place has good tacos, they just do.
We went past the vacant lot that housed my old elementary school. Nothing remains but the crumbling asphalt and gravel where the playground was. None of that soft rubber matting you find in modern playgrounds. Kids in the sixties were tough, or perhaps we were just hurt far more because safety was never a consideration.
We played on stuff like this
The wife went to the antique shop she wanted to visit, bought nothing, and we motored home the “scenic” route. It was scenic only in that it was twisty and less travelled than the other state highway we could have chosen. The vista was flat as you imagine Kansas to be (it’s not) and corn and beans and trees dotted with farm houses and occasional double-wide trailers filled the horizon.
As we came back into the north ‘burbs of the metro sprawl we stopped so the wife could window shop a little more then grabbed a bite of supper before arriving back at the homestead in time to watch pre-season football, a baseball game, and a cowboy movie in a display of simultaneous channel flipping remote control dexterity. The wife was upstairs doing whatever she does and missed the fun.
I suspect it was on purpose.
August 27, 2022
August 26, 2022
She is one of those dark-haired Alabama girls, a kind of stringy little girl, dark, and, if you look closely, feature by feature, you see that she is not pretty. But her face is so alive all the time time that afterward you would swear she is pretty.
August 25, 2022
August 24, 2022
August 23, 2022
August 22, 2022
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “
“Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,
“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther.
“I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him,
“What was that for?”
“They’ll find us!”
August 20, 2022
The Democrats just passed an inflation bill that hires 87,000 new IRS agents and I just got audited.
I just received an audit on my tax return for 2021 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate."
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?
True confession, this is a semi-rerun from 2013.
August 19, 2022
August 18, 2022
August 17, 2022
August 16, 2022
A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
‘You need a piece of tail.’
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.’
August 15, 2022
August 14, 2022
It is said that funerals are for the living. The one we attended yesterday was a case in point. My wife’s ex-brother-in-law passed away earlier this week. As the minister stated “there are a lot of mixed emotions here today”. I can say for my case I wasn’t there for the deceased and I can state irrevocably my wife wasn’t. We were there for her sister and niece.
It was good to see my wife’s family. As for the deceased, my mother told me not to speak ill of the dead. I guess I already have. He died with no family outside of an ex-wife who stayed married to him way too long and an estranged daughter who only reconnected after he got sick and had no one else to call.
What abuses he piled on his family in the years before his divorce I am sure I only know the surface.
But I knew his secrets.
As I said, I was there for the living.
I said a prayer for him. I’m not sure I meant it. For that I ask forgiveness.
He was a Vietnam vet. I appreciate his service.
August 13, 2022
August 12, 2022
This canned post was originally published Tuesday. I moved it to state my disgust with the modern American Stasi. I’m half afraid to publish anything political. Tell me I’m wrong.
If you have a Democrat for one of your Senators, you can rest comfortably knowing your Senator refuses to acknowledge that only females can get pregnant. Every Democrat senator voted that way Saturday.
These are the same people who are always telling us to follow the science.
Sorry, if you tell me in the same breath that climate change is a direct threat to my existence and that a man can have a baby, I’d say I don’t believe anything you tell me.
August 11, 2022
August 10, 2022
If it costs you ninety cents to make the vases and you sell it for $1.00 you have a ten percent profit margin. If it costs $0.93 to make the vases and you sell them for $1.00 you will have a 7% profit margin. If you sell 1,000 vases you will make $70. If you make $700,000 you will have sold 10,000,000 little hippy flower vases. Your profit margin is still 7%. Your profits increased 999,900%. Your margin remained the same. Did you gouge anyone? Did you have windfall profits? Should we now consider you evil Big Vase? I have probably lost you hippy liberal types here. Look up the profit margin of evil Big Oil after you are done here.
Back to your little, but growing hippy vase manufacturing company. You are cruising along making hot hippy chicks happy because they can put flowers in their hair when they go to San Francisco. Suddenly, you get a bill in the mail from the Government. You owe TAXES. These include payroll taxes, permit fees, waste fees, property taxes, warehouse taxes, income taxes, etc. etc. You divide the taxes you owe by the number of hippy vases you make and discover the taxes equal $0.10 for every vase you make. You are only making $0.07 per vase, so the extra ten cents means you will lose three cents for every hippy vase you sell after you pay the taxes. If you sell 10,000,000 vases you will lose $300,000! Your only recourse is to raise prices. To keep the same 7% profit you made last year (and you really wanted to make a little more to get that new hybrid car)your new price for hippy flower vases is now $1.07 each. Some hot hippy chicks are going to have to pay just a bit more to put fresh flowers in their hair when they go to San Francisco.
Are still with me here, my Liberal Friends? What happens if the Government raises taxes on your business again? That is right, you will have to raise your prices more (please tell me I do not have to go through the math again). Thus, raising taxes on businesses equals higher prices for the consumer -- even hot hippy chicks who just want to put flowers in their hair if they go to San Francisco.
Hey guess what? The business did not really pay the taxes to the Government. The initial .10 per vase was rolled into the selling price and subsequent tax increases were too! Businesses really do not pay taxes.
August 9, 2022
August 8, 2022
The Senate passed the massive tax hike and green energy bill over the weekend. I hope you feel good about dumping another $80 billion into the IRS, half of which will go to enhanced enforcement. We know from the last Democrat President what that probably means — going after conservatives and political enemies. Obama did it without consequences.
On the other hand The Most Popular President Ever has screwed up everything else so why not the IRS.
Maybe they are going to use all of those new agents to go collect taxes from the flood of illegals who are crossing the uncontrolled border and the employers who hire them? Sure, that will happen the day after People Magazine puts me on the cover of the world’s sexiest man issue.
The FBI has determined anyone who supports the 2nd Amendment, flies the Betsy Ross flag or has a “Don’t tread on me” sticker on their bumper is a potential right wing terrorist, so you judge who this administration views as people to investigate. I don’t think all that money and tens of thousands of rounds of ammo the IRS bought are going to be used to man the 1-800 tax help hotline.
August 7, 2022
August 6, 2022
August 5, 2022
It normally takes around 2-3 years for sulfate aerosols from volcanoes to fall out of the stratosphere. But the water from the Jan. 15 eruption could take 5-10 years to fully dissipate.
August 4, 2022
August 3, 2022
August 2, 2022
A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and every day there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him:
“You call yourself a king? You’re nothing but a p**sy who’s afraid of his own shadow. If you’re a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, you think you’re so fierce, you sissy!”.
The lion’s wife would get so annoyed
“Why are you letting him get away with this? If you’re not gonna do something about this, I WILL!”,
And the lion would say
“Just ignore him, he’s a freaking fox, he’s not worth it, just let it go”.
One day, she felt that she couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to handle the situation by herself.
She came out of the cave and started running after the fox.
The fox ran and ran, but the lioness was close on his heel. He entered a pipe and got out on the other end.
When she tried to get in, she got stuck, so the fox came from behind and f**k*d her in the a**.
The lioness went back to the cave, angry and frustrated.
The lion looked at her and said:
“So… He took you to the pipe didn’t he..”
August 1, 2022
I sometimes wonder if the evil live AI controlling my iPhone possesses a sense of irony. I was listening to my music on shuffle while mowing yesterday. Barry Sadler’s homage to the military played:
Right after was a song with a message completely opposite: