June 30, 2008

Shoddy Customer Service

My daughter is the Maid of Honor in an upcoming wedding. Saturday night she hosted a combination Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party at a local restaurant. The place was an fairly nice fondue-type place in the Castleton area of Indianapolis. The bill was over $500 (all the girls paid their own way).

As they were finishing, a waiter or busboy dropped a pot of hot cheese behind my daughter. She was splattered on her bare back by the burning cheese. The waiter scurried to pick up the dropped pot/utensils and disappeared. My daughter's friends applied ice and cold wet napkins to her back. A doctor was seated nearby and came over to offer assistance. The party asked for the manager on duty. Their own waiter dropped off the bill and made a hasty exit. After waiting for 15 minutes or more, the party went to the hostess station and again asked for a manager. The hostess returned to say he was not available. The waiter did not apologize, no one from the restaurant asked her if she was OK, nothing.

In today's litigious society what kind of moron who owns or manages a business would not rush to her side and do all in their power to make sure she was not seriously injured? Any decent manager would have offered desert, drinks or at least an "I am sorry, is there anything we can do to make up for this accident?".

I am livid. My daughter only received first degree burns, but it could have been much worse. Only my daughter's plaintive "Please don't Daddy" keeps me from calling (or going in person) to discuss this incident with the General Manager today. Accidents happen, but an apology is on order. I am not the suing kind, and no serious harm was done, but next time we/she/the restaurant may not be so lucky. I bet the owner/General Manager would like to know about this incident.

Eat Me, Shell Oil

I have long been an advocate for the oil companies. If you look at the profit margins, not the raw profit numbers, the companies are on the low end of profitability. The Government makes more money from a gallon of gas than Big Oil.

I am fed up with the pricing policies. Can anyone explain how gas can be $3.93/gal at 11:00 pm on a Thursday and $4.19/gal on Friday morning? Did the price per barrel go up that much overnight? I guess the local gas station has a direct pipeline to Arabia. Worse, every gas station in town, regardless of brand, charges the exact same price! This happens every week. I expect this week gas will take a huge leap on Wednesday, so they can take advantage of anyone traveling over the Holiday.

I am all for business. Profitability is good. But I have to admit the Standard Oil monopoly was broken up for a good reason. Is there collusion? I don't know, but something smells like day-old trout around here.

A viable third party candidate

If you are like me, this Presidential election again represents a choice of bad and really bad candidates. I had resigned myself to voting for McCain and then going home and washing my voting hand in peroxide and tomato juice, just to remove the stink. Now, we have a real candidate. A third party nominee has appeared. I think you will agree this is the right man for the job.

June 29, 2008

Picture of a big lily in front of my house

We payed the last regular league baseball game yesterday and won 13-3. We finished the season 7-4. I had hope to win one half of the games, so not too bad. Considering at one point we were 2-4, the boys really rallied. We finished in third place. The league tourney starts tomorrow. We got a bad draw, but we will see. They are capable of beating anyone if they play smart and hard.

Next up is All-star tryouts for the boy. He has played all-stars since he was 8. Last year was the first year since he was 8 that he was not a starter. This year it is going to be tough, only 5 kids per school district will be allowed on the team per IHSAA Rules. The boy is a very good fielder, but the coach likes the big strong power hitting type. The boy is a slap hitter in the Ty Cobb mold. He always hits the ball, but rarely does he get more than a single. We shall see what happens. If he does not make it, he will be devastated. He is better than some of the other players, but they are strong hitters. The decision comes down to do you want a player who is a good defensive player and hits .400 or better (but does sometimes hit into double plays), or a player that either strikes out or hits a boomer (with a BA of about .200)? I know what I would choose. I know what this coach has done in the past. The coach is a big guy and looks down on the skinny small kids. This is the first year the IHSAA thing has been a factor.

I am not sure what is going on with my sleep patterns. I keep waking up early, and that makes me tired early...I fell asleep in the chair at 10:00 last night and as in bed by 10:30. I have not been to bed before eleven PM in years.

If the rain holds off I will likely have to mow the yard and work in the flower beds today. Come on rain...

F-ing Cubs.

June 28, 2008

Weekend Funny

This week's cartoon is dedicated, in the nicest way, to Dragon. Go and wish her well.

June 27, 2008

Friday Five

The Friday Five feature was missing last week. The howls of complaint would have drowned out a herd of wolves in heat. I bet I got 20-25 comments of complaint. What? You in the back, your arm waving frantically in the air, what are you saying? The comments? Oh, I must have, uh, deleted them or something. That's it, I lost them when I remodeled the place...

OK look, putting together the Friday Five takes a long time and a bit of effort. The least you can do is play along and pretend you enjoy it. Think of it like that Birthday Party your Mom put together for you when you were 10. It was lame, but you loved her for trying.

This is post 1714. Number one was March 22, 2005. That is an average of three posts every two days. Your average columnists posts two or three times a week. Coming up with that much content is difficult, so enough of your whining. You are going to sit down and play along and pretend this is the most wonderful, cool, and exciting thing you have encountered on the 'net in a long time. Is...that...clear?

Now play:

1. See the curtains hanging in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light a-shining through the window
Lets me know every thing's all right
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind

2.Hot summer streets
And the pavements are burning
I sit around
Trying to smile
But the air is so heavy and dry
Strange voices are saying
What did they say
Things I can't understand
It's too close for comfort
This heat has got right out of hand
It's a cruel, cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, cruel summer
Now you've gone

3.Cool town, evening in the city
Dressing so fine and looking so pretty
Cool cat, looking for a kitty
Gonna look in every corner of the city
Till I'm wheezing like a bus stop
Running up the stairs, gonna meet you on the rooftop
But at night it's a different world
Go out and find a girl
Come-on come-on and dance all night
Despite the heat it'll be alright
And babe, don't you know it's a pity
That the days can't be like the nights
In the summer, in the city
In the summer, in the city

4. I'm a gonna raise a fuss
I'm a gonna raise a holler
about a workin' all summer
just to try to earn a dollar
ev'ry time I call my Baby
try to get a date
my Boss says
No dice, Son,you gotta work late
Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do
but there ain't no cure for the Summertime Blues.

5.It happened one summer
It happened one time
It happened forever
For a short time
A place for a moment
An end to dream
Forever I loved you
Forever it seemed
One summer never ends
One summer never began
It keeps me standing still
It takes all my will
And then suddenly
Last summer

bonus: The summer wind, came blowin in - from across the sea
It lingered there, so warm and fair - to walk with me
All summer long, we sang a song - and strolled on golden sand
Two sweethearts, and the summer wind

Sigh...I have made it easier this week. There is a theme. The title of the song can be found in the lyrics. All I need is the title and artist. Can you name anymore "summer" songs?

I think I will leave you with this gem to float in your brain all weekend:

Some people are jerks

My daughter works as a waitress at a country club. She is paid reasonably well. All of her customers are well to do. Most are wonderful people, some are rich assholes. She was telling us about a jerk she dealt with the other day. He is a drunk and a asswipe to boot. After the table of nine or ten ordered their drinks the drunk went to the bathroom. As my daughter was delivering the tray of drinks, this Bozo slipped behind her and scared her, making her drop the entire tray of drinks. She was pissed because the drinks got all over her, she was embarrassed and it made her look bad. Luckily, her supervisor saw the whole thing. Beyond being an alcoholic drunk jerk, what would make a person act this way, or to think it was funny?

In part two of "why would people do this?" we saw a female at WalMart last night covered in tattoos. If someone wants to do that, good for them. I am an open minded person. It was the subject matter I found strange. Why would a woman want a full frontal naked woman tattooed the length of her upper arm? It was very good work, but boobs and pubes on your bicep, and you are a woman? All of her 'art' was of the black line variety -- no color-- and from a distance she looked like she was covered in bruises or maybe dirt. Really strange.

We hit the mall for a brief period last night. I was sitting, watching the people go by. This guy was fiddling with his phone and started broadcasting classic rock from an Internet stream. His phone was turned up pretty loud and everyone was giving him dirty looks. The phone guy finally discovered how to turn it down. Oh wait, the phone guy was me. Never mind, there is no issue here.

June 26, 2008

Another example of the need to be armed

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on
his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.

Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball
bat, and a gun.

He hands the man the gun. "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto
your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down.
When he falls down, this little dog is specially trained to bite him on the
balls until he's incapacitated." "Great plan," says the man. "But what's the
gun for?" "If I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

Guns Guns Guns

The Supremes got one right. And I do not mean Diana Ross' backups. Tell me now how this decision would be different if Gore or Kerry or Hildabeast Or Obama makes the nominations for Supreme Court vacancies. I am not a fan of McCain, but we need to elect him to make sure the Court rules on Constitution, not fashion.


If you had seen the Flying Nun hovering overhead, her big floppy hat (cornette?) providing the necessary lift, would you have looked up her skirt?

June 25, 2008

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?

Goldbloom is working on her own "Bucket List". You know, things she wants to do before she kicks the bucket. I have said it before, I have been fortunate to visit a lot of places in the Western World. So I will turn idea a little sideways and list some of the cool things I have already done that might be on other people's "Bucket List". In no particular order:

1. I have seen and put my foot in all of the Great Lakes.
2. I have visited Washington DC and the associated sites.
3. I have climbed the stairs of the Eiffel Tower and seen Cathedral Notre Dame in Paris(not impressive compared to other Cathedrals in Europe).
4. I have ridden the Bullet Trains in France and Germany.
5. I have visited almost every major Battlefield in the US, especially Civil War sites. I saw Bufford Pusser's Stick.
6. I have travelled the Columbia River Gorge (one of the most beautiful places on Earth)and seen the devastating beauty of Mt St. Helens.
7. I have seen one of the bats used by Ruth and I have seen the Cubs play in Wrigley. I have seen a triple play.
8. I saw the birth of each of my children.
9. I have gazed upon the pieces of the Parthenon and real Egyptian Mummies and touched the Rosetta Stone while in the British Museum.
10. I have swam in the Pacific, Atlantic and Caribbean Seas as well as the Gulf of Mexico.
11. I have visited the Austrian Alps and the resort towns around the lakes -- especially the Wolfgangsee. While drinking along the lake in St. Gilgen, I swore I would never leave.
12. I have visited (just visited) the red light districts of Amsterdam and Hamburg. I have been to a Playboy Club.
13. I have jumped from a perfectly functional airplane.
14. I have been to Disneyland and Disneyworld.
15. I have been to the Indy 500, when it really was the Greatest Spectacle in Racing.
16. I have smoked a Cuban cigar and I have gone streaking and skinny dipping. I have been in a fistfight.
17. I have driven at very high speeds on the Autobahn in Germany.
18. I have visited the Alamo, The Golden Gate Bridge and the Arch in St. Louis.
19. I became an Eagle Scout, I graduated both High School and College
20. I have experienced the perfect kiss and known the love of a good woman.

I do not really need a "bucket List". I have lived a pretty good life.

June 24, 2008

Stuff you do not care about

We had baseball games on Friday, Sunday and last night. We won all three. Two of the teams we beat had beaten us badly (10 run rule) last week. Last night's game was a thriller. We started off badly, going three up and three down in the top of the inning. Then we gave up four runs in the bottom of the first. We fought back to within one run and had bases loaded in the 5th when the kid on third got caught stealing home on a passed ball after I told him not to run. This was unfortunate as my best hitters were up. We gave them a few more runs in the bottom of the fifth. Things looked grim as we entered the seventh and final inning. My number 7,8, and 9 hitters were up and we were down two. We started the inning with an out, a strikeout and a walk. The top of the order came up with two outs. Hit batter, walk, and a new pitcher entered the game. Another hit was followed by another and some walks and we go into the bottom of the 7th ahead 8-6. My pitcher is out of innings and my remaining pitcher said his arm was sore, but he would try. He struck out the number 3,4,5 batters with just 11 pitches and the game was won. We are now 6-4 with two games left before the tourney. One of these games is against a winless team. The other is against an undefeated team. But because of rain etc., they have 5 games yet to play, so if all goes wrong for them we could end up in first or second in the league (not likely, but who knows?).

Messin around

I am working on a new template. Somehow I am unable to get comments to appear -- not holoscan nor blogger. Anyone who can help me please send me an email (hoosierboy62-at-hotmail.com) and I will send you the keys to the mysterious and scary template.

Uncivilizing Society

I am a casual guy. Most days I sport jeans or shorts and a T-shirt. The T-shirt usually offers free advertising to a shoe company. I never wear shoes or socks when in the house (and sometimes outside).

For most of my professional career I have worn business clothing. Until a year or so ago I wore a shirt and tie and usually a coat to visit customers. Most often I wore a suit. Until two years ago I almost always wore a white shirt. In recent months I have taken to wearing polo shirts or dress shirts emblazoned with the company logo instead of a suit or tie. I fit in better with customers and other sales types. For big meetings etc., I still wear at least a tie.

I tell you this as an admission that I am a contributor to the decline of western civilization. As our lives become more comfortable, as air conditioners sooth our hot summers with Arctic breeze in our cars, homes and offices, we have shed our coats and hats to casual Friday.

There was a time in our society when a decent man would not leave home without a coat or at least a vest. Men of all stripes wore coats, even laborers, while professional men wore ties. Take a look at pictures from the Civil War through the mid 1900's and you will see men always with coats. Professionals wore ties and coats into the 1990s. As I said, being an old dinosaur, I wore a suit until the last year or two for work.

Not so long ago a man would not dream of taking a date to dinner or the movies with out donning his best suit. Today. you see men in even the nicest restaurants open-collared. When last did you see a man with a hat, besides a baseball cap? Sometimes when I watch the old movies on TV, I look at the men and see class. Even the thugs of the Prohibition era sported nice clothes. The men gunned down and those gunning on February 14, 1929 all wore suits and ties. As did noted anarchists Sacco and Vanzetti. Charles Lindbergh wore a shirt and tie as he fell from the door of the Spirit of St. Louis upon landing in France. I think you can agree that Astaire, Sinatra and Stewart had an air of dignity and class in their fine clothes. There is no doubt that the great coaches of professional sports like Connie Mack, Lombardi, and Wooden all displayed a great deal more of professional class than the cut off sweatshirt worn by Belichick. I think this guy is right in his battle for civilized sartorial wear. He has ordered fedoras and custom fitted suits.

A part of me wants to blame JFK for his refusal to wear a hat on Inauguration Day, or the filthy hippies of the 1960s for the baseness of modern civilization. I know we are creatures of comfort. That indeed is the mark of a civilized man. Is not the march of civilization the effort to make life more comfortable? Is echewing ties just a continuation of moving from the damp fields to a cave to a house? Is it really different from the advancements made in clothing from loin cloths to itchy woollens to modern cottons? Do you really want the feel of rough-tanned leather on your nether regions? Is it rationalization, or is my barefoot stride across the carpet a step backward to the days man emerged from the jungles and forests to build cities and towns?

As I type away I am barefoot and wearing a Nike T-shirt. On the morrow I will don a polo shirt and Dockers for a visit with a customer. As I dress I will glance at my suit, I will skip my wingtips for more casual footwear and head for the door. Comfort will reign supreme over class. It will be one more day we are little less civilized.

June 23, 2008

Conversations with a teenager

The boy is having a Stouffer's Mac and Cheese TV Dinner and I am enjoying Banquet's finest Mexican meal. I tell him that when I was his age I had to cook my mac and cheese frozen dinner in the oven and that it took about 45 minutes.

Boy: Whaaaat?
Me: Yep, you had to plan lunch in advance.
Boy: Why didn't you use the microwave.
Me: We did not have one. It was not invented.
Boy: Dude, that is lame. walks away in disgust

Just for Freddie

This is what I would write, if I had talent

Bane always entertains me, some days I think we are kindred souls. This post? Well I can only say "what he said". Only he said it better than I could. But boy, those are my thoughts about this piece o' crap blog.

Bearded Clam

RIP George Carlin. You made me laugh, you made me think.

June 21, 2008

Weekend update

I woke up early this morning, six am again. I am not sure what is up with that. I must be getting old. The next thing you know I will be eating supper at 4:30 and hitting the cafeteria circuit. Oh no, I hate bingo.

The baseball team won last night 9-1. We are now 4-4. I was glad to see the boys recover from our humiliating loss in the last game (16-2?). The boy played fine, he struggled at the plate, but put the ball in play every time. Speaking of baseball, I want to tell you a funny story. I am not making fun of this kid, I just think it is funny. This is the stuff you have to deal with when you coach kids.

I have a boy on my team who is not very good. In fact he is by far the worse player on the team (probably in the whole league). He has not played baseball for several years. To put it in perspective it was quite possible a Clinton was President the last time he played. I admire his courage to play now, but with 13-15 year olds, on a regular diamond, it is kind of dangerous to have someone with no clue playing. But he tries hard. Since day one this kid has bugged me to pitch. At this point most of the good pitchers have been playing for 8-9 years and pitching for at least five or six years at least. We have lead-offs and steals and you have to know what you are doing. Anyway I gave in to his pestering and let him throw a few balls to me from the mound the other day before the game. In more than 30 pitches from both the wind up and the stretch, he threw ONE strike. Most pitches were so wild I could not reach them or stop them. I should point out I am a former catcher. So we go back to the dugout. He asks if he is going to get to pitch later in the game. I tell him I have some really good pitchers and that he should really concentrate on hitting and fielding. I tell him 14 is pretty late to learn how to pitch. He says he understands, but do I think he will get to pitch later on in the season. I am brutal honest and tell him there is no chance he will pitch this year. He asks if he should keep practicing pitching at home. I just sigh and tell him absolutely. I am sure I have not done the story justice, but if you could see how truly lacking in even the most basic fundamentals this guy is...Last night he did not run with bases loaded. A ground ball was hit. He ran a few steps to second but came back to first because, and I quote, "If I ran I would have been out." I still have to tell him which is right and left fields. Life is an adventure.

I have a copy of Full Metal Jacket gifted me for Father's Day waiting to be put into the DVD player this morning. Go forth and and enjoy your weekend.

weekend funny

June 20, 2008

Dr. Dickhead

As most of you know I work from home. That is why you get a taste of my personal wit and charm on a semi-regular basis here. The wife is a teacher's aid and is home during the summer. I have to be honest and admit having her and the kids home really screws up my routine. When it is just me at home I do what I want when I want. If I want lunch at 10:00 in the morning, I do it. If I want to take a small break and watch pygmy sex videos with my hand on the old trucker clock, well I indulge. I take a shower when the mood hits. This is often after watching pygmy sex videos. Anyway, you get the point. They all have their own agenda and it sometimes interferes with mine.

I never turn on the TV during the day. I sometimes listen to music, but not always. Being an old fart, I prefer to use the main computer with the 17 inch monitor as opposed to my laptop. This computer is in the living room. The wife sometimes turns on the TV and watches the crap that is on in the afternoon. Usually this means some decorating show, but sometimes she turns on Captain Obvious -- Dr. Phil. How this windbag ever got a Doctorate is beyond me. I can only imagine the attention needy psychosis that drives people to air their problems to him on TV.

I really like his usual advise. You have to stop being abusive. Ya think? Beating your kids with a sand filled hose is just wrong. No kidding? He offers this bit of wisdom Jim, you cannot punch your wife, it is just not acceptable, Or how about I am willing to roll up my sleeves and get down in the trenches to help you, but you have to realize screwing the babysitter in front of the six year old has to stop.Or maybe Look here, high heels and makeup are not an issue in themselves, it when you pair them with a lace jockstrap and cup that draws some unwanted attention and ridicule, Joe.

Do we really need to be told that Mom, Dad, your daughter wears all black clothes. She has spiked hair and a dozen tattoos. She screams at night 'f(bleep)ck me Satan'. Whether or not she is keeping her room clean enough may not be your biggest issue as parents.

When Dr. Dickhead is not pushing the obvious, he is listening to insane people spin their tales. I am concerned my daughter is a harlot, a fallen woman. she is always wanting to go over to the neighbor's pool and swimming with that boy next door. She wears this slinky two piece swimsuit. I am concerned she may not keep her Chasity pledge in such sinful surroundings. Well how old is this boy asks the genius Doctor. Just one year older than my Susie. A tearful Mom confesses she even saw the kids kiss once. Oh, and little Susie is 7 years old.

Where do they get these people, all of them? I mean the people being counseled, the producers, the good Doctor himself, the people who watch this crap, where do they come from? Are they really allowed to vote?

You really got me now

The joke is on me, and I am man enough to admit it. I throw up a tongue-in-cheek post chastising my faithful readers and then fail to post anything for a few days. All I can say is that the overwhelming need to earn a paycheck kept me from the keyboard. Hell, I did not read any of your blogs either. So get out your Dymo LT-100H and tag me with a hypocrite label. I stand here with my head only slightly bowed asking a semi-heartfelt apology. That is the best you are going to get. Look at it this way; I got up at 6:00 am to post this.

Your abuse is worth it, 'cause I am awesome. By neglecting you it looks as if I am going to increase business at my third largest customer by some 40%. I will become their sole source. I will get a price increase to boot. We are talking multi-million account here peeps. More business at a higher price. If I get the contract signed it will be a real coup. Who is the pussy now?

June 18, 2008

Do chastise mean what I think it do?

Look, far be it from me to kick my loyal readers. Some of you are doing your job. It is the rest of you. I have lost 20-30 readers a day in the last month or two. Some of you might blame it on content. Well Fuck you too. Is it the weather or because it is summer? I refuse to accept you have something better to do.

Look, here are the facts. You should be clicking this sight 3-5 times a day. Minimum.I hate to bring out the big guns, but if you loved me you would.

June 17, 2008

Engineers -- who needs 'em

Monday is in my rear view mirror. Enough about that.

Due to the massive amounts of rain we have had in this area the baseball schedule is completely messed up. Last night we played a double header. Then we play Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday and Monday. They are kids, and they recover fast, but that is too much. We won the opening game of the double header and lost the second game. We are better than both teams. In the second game, we had one bad inning and the boys just kind of gave up after that. They were just tired. The boy went 4 for 7 for the evening. He drove in the winning run in game one with a walk-off single. For the night he had four hits, one walk and one strikeout. The team is now 3-3 for the season. We should have one or two losses at the most.

I had a great Father's Day, thanks for the well-wishes. I did not get laid though. I guess falling asleep at 10:30 in the chair had something to do with that. My daughter and her boyfriend were here and my Mom and Dad came down. Unfortunately the oldest boy had to work, and the youngest went with a friend to see the Red Sox in Cincy again. He is one spoiled kid (actually his friend's dad paid for the tix). We put some burgers on the grill and I whipped up some potato salad, macaroni salad and some deviled eggs. For desert I got out the ice cream freezer and made home-made ice cream. Oh, and I had a few beers too.

Finally, a word of note. I hope that sorry no good bastard who invented the star-shaped head on screws a ton of misery. I would like to kick that fucker right in the crotch with steel toed cowboy boots. Then I would ram a splintery two by four right up his ass. I would ream it around so the corners sheared off just like those cheap assed easy strip fasteners he designed. A pox on the car companies for putting those rotten bastards all over the car, making easy repairs become difficult and expensive. One example of an engineer fucking up a perfectly good system to justify his job. I hope you get the pox, nameless white-coated asshole.

June 16, 2008

It is only funny 'cause it is true

Sometimes less is more

Fate is a fickle bitch, letting you think life is good and fine. Then she sneaks up and whacks you in the back of the head with a baseball bat. The Greeks depicted Fate as a woman. I know why, she keeps you miserable so you remember who is in charge of your life. It is not you.

And Best wishes for a Happy Monday to you.

June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day

If you wives do not know what to get your husband for Father's day, I can help. He does not want a tie. He has no desire for a BBQ Set. He does not need a pen or pencil, nor another golf shirt. The kids can give him that stuff. He just wants to get laid. Trust me on this.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there. Here is a virtual beer on me:

June 14, 2008

Pygmy sex videos

Man, I bet you pervs get pissed when you click here looking for pygmy sex and get this bullshit. You know about 4-5 of you click this site every day looking for pygmy sex. Just what are you looking for, what do you expect to find? Good news for me. I am number one on Google if you are searching for pygmy sex!

The boy, the wife and I went to Cincinnati to see the Red Sox take on the Reds last night. I was thrilled -- Johnny Bench threw out the first pitch! He was my childhood hero. The boy got to see his beloved Red Sox in action, even though they lost. And after the game was an awesome fireworks show. Did I mention I dig fireworks? The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday.In all, a great evening. Beer, peanuts, hot dog and baseball, what more could you want in entertainment?

Meanwhile (cue the voice of Ted Baxter from the Superfriends), it rained buckets again here at home. The oldest boy said it was a monsoon. His clothes and shoes ware completely soaked from working in the rain. He said he has never worked so hard in his life. I guess gamblers do not like walking in the rain and took great use of the valet parking at the casino. He was not yet home when I went to bed, I hope he made some good tips.

I guess I offended a fine veteran yesterday with my sarcastic rant about suing on behalf of German and Italian POWs. That was not my intention. It was sarcasm. Sorry.

No cartoon today, I bet you did not even notice. Thanks for your continued support.

June 13, 2008

Just thinking here boss

If I was a lawyer, I think I would be off to the EU to find me some Italian and Germans that spent time in Camp Atterbury and other POW camps here in the US. A class action suit on behalf of the victims and the surviving families just might be in order. After all, these poor people were likely conscripts and we held them prisoner with out recourse to their civil rights granted by the US Constitution. I think about a Million each is a good place to start...

One more time...Big oil makes around four or five CENTS per gallon of gas they sell. Certain members of Congress believe that is outrageous and want to punish the oil companies. The Federal Government makes EIGHTEEN CENTS for every gallon of gas sold. When are we going to punish those responsible for that kick in the consumer ass?

I really believe McCain is the lessor of evils in the next election, but every time he opens his mouth I want to vote for him less.

Can someone explain to me how every politician decries our dependence on foreign oil, yet prices have been souring for months and we still have not seen an emergency energy bill from anyone that would open up the oil-rich areas of this country for drilling? Why not?

I am really beginning to believe we are doomed as a nation, a great experiment destroyed from within. That thought depresses me. Even more depressing is the great number of people who cannot see it.

If you are not reading this guy, you should be. he will be added to the blogroll the next time I am in the old template.

It is finally Friday

What a week. I had a most unproductive trip. I got up early Wednesday to drive 3-1/2 hours to meet with a customer. I sat in the lobby for nearly 1-1/2 hours waiting on the buyer before I said the hell with it and left. I guess she was busy or in a meeting. I left messages on her phone. I told her voice mail I could come back later that day or the next morning. To date I have no phone call, no e-mail or any explanation (or apology)from her. Thursday morning my next appointment called to say he could not meet with me. So I drove home. Two days, meals, hotel and $4.19 gas for nothing. I love my life. As an added bonus, Wednesday and Thursday were absolutely beautiful -- no rain. To cap the week, the boy and I are going with a customer to see the Reds/Red Sox game tonight. My boy loves the Red Sox. It looks to be a virtual lock for heavy rain. The South is in a drought and we are having monsoons in the Midwest.

BTW, words fail me to describe the tragedy of those young men at the Boy Scout camp struck by a tornado. Remind me to tell you about a similar experience I once had while camping with Boy Scouts (without the tragic loss of life). You know, it occurs to me that we have seen storms, tornadoes and flooding since the first of the month in Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois and Indiana that rivals Hurricane Katrina. But you do not see the same 'help me' attitude. There is no blaming of Bush and you can damn sure bet the victims of these storms will not be screaming for more aid three years from now. I am just sayin'.

In the spirit of the week, here is this weeks Friday Five lyric contest. The first song has been an earworm in my head for about ten days now.

1. C'mon you little fighter
No need to get uptighter
C'mon you little fighter
And get back up again.

It's raining again
Oh no, my love's at an end.
Oh no, it's raining again
Too bad I'm losing a friend.

2.I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain

3.Theres a killer on the road
His brain is squirmin like a toad
Take a long holiday
Let your children play
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the road, yeah

4. They call it stormy monday
But tuesdays just as bad.
They call it stormy monday
But tuesdays just as bad.
Lord, and wednesdays worse
And thursdays all so sad

5.Long as I remember
The rain been comin' down.
Clouds of myst'ry pourin'
Confusion on the ground.
Good men through the ages,
Tryin' to find the sun;
And I wonder, Still I wonder,
Who'll stop the rain.

bonus:Only love
Can make it rain
The way the beach
Is kissed by the sea
Only love
Can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers
Layin' in the fields

June 11, 2008

Dear Democratic Party

Government does not create wealth. It does not create jobs. It does not produce any goods that can be exchanged for wealth. Maybe I should make this simpler. The government can print and coin money, but it can only get money from you and I. It can only get it from us by taking it. The Government (Federal, State and Local) gets our money through fees and taxes. Businesses may pay taxes, but they pass that cost on to the consumers who purchase their goods and services. We, as individual pay those taxes too, indirectly. These are basic facts. If you cannot, or will not, grasp the truth of this matter you are an idiot and you should have your reproductive organs removed so that you can stop diluting our species. Lets put your buddy Darwin and his theories to the test, OK?

Mr. Democrat, if you raise taxes on a particular business that business will pass that tax burden on to his customers to maintain a certain level of acceptable profit. Business do not exist to lose money. If they do lose money they cease to exist. If you increase taxes on, oh let us say the oil companies, then the price of the goods and services produced by the oil companies goes up. Let me make it even simpler -- if you raise taxes on the oil companies the price of gas will go up.

Mr. Democrat, if you continue to expand the role of Government you will need more taxes to pay for these services. Expanding give aways costs the taxpayers more money. If I have to pay for universal health care, my costs will increase. If you want more of something -- give it away, people will take advantage of it. If you have to fork over 15 or 20 bucks to see a doctor, you might suffer through the symptoms of a minor cold. If you could go see your physician for free you will take advantage and go.

Mr. Democrat, only about 1/3 of us are paying taxes. If you increase those taxes the same 2/3 are going to have to pay more. I cannot afford to pay for more government. I want you to provide for my safety (military/police/fire). Provide for infrastructure (roads etc.) and help out (on a temporary basis)those who need a helping hand. Unemployment , welfare, disaster relief are all OK, in limited doses. Why are we still pumping money into New Orleans after all these years? Enough already.

Mr. Democrat, quit promising to give me stuff others have paid for. Promise you will give less. Promise to fix the Social Security nightmare that is looming. Protect us from terrorism. Let the businesses drill for own oil, build Nuke plants for energy and construct refineries. Get rid of the two dozen different gas formulas. No more subsidies for corn, or sugar or any other industry. Businesses and farms should make it on their own. We will all prosper.

The President cannot make the simplest of laws. He cannot creat a single job. He does not have the power to stop climate change (real or imaginary). So, if you are voting for a candidate based on his promise to give you a high paying job, or that he will cool the sun, you should see the first paragraph. No, you should just kill yourself, you are a waste of good oxygen.

This stuff is not so hard to understand. Hell I got a 'D' in college Econ.

June 10, 2008

It is Tuesday, it is still raining

I have not done the quiz thing for about two years, but I liked this one. OK, I liked it because I scored well. I stole it from Cappy. The quiz title is a joke, because I did not pay attention in high school. I was a jackass in those days as compared to the asshole I am now. High school was ridiculously easy. Honestly , I bet I took home a book less than 2 dozen times in four years. I got a shitty education in return. Not all of my teachers were bad. They just had low expectations for all of us.

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

Thanks for the kind comments about my family. I know I am a lucky man.

And this is for YOU: Best of luck with your new life. Change is hard, but things always work out as they are supposed to.

June 9, 2008

Monday Morning Blues

I had a productive Sunday. Let me rephrase that, I had a productive Sunday Afternoon. The wife and daughter escaped to a wedding shower, and yes, I did ask them if they got clean upon their return. I will not be the one that lets the classic jokes die. While they were gone, I baked the wife a birthday cake. I got the flooded Escort running and brought it home. I walked back to get my car and drove it home. I did some basic troubleshooting on the non-working hot tub (oh shit, I have a cake in the oven!). One motor/pump working, one not. I threw a load of towels in the washer. I took a shower. I threw same load of now clean towels into the dryer. I dozed while watching the end of Ivanhoe. I iced the cake. Took the wife and kids to a steak dinner. Came home folded towels and ate a piece of cake. I watched a combination of the Cubs game/some design show the wife likes/Vision Quest. Returned videos to the rental place with a scant three minutes to spare before closing time. I scratched the giant 'S' on my chest and hit the sheets.

June 8, 2008

And so it goes

Wow. It finally stopped raining around noon yesterday. In all we got over eight inches of rain in about 12 hours. That makes the total for the last week in the neighborhood of 16-18 inches. Over to the west, near Goldbloom's house, got really pounded too. About 1-1/2 hours after yesterday's post the oldest boy headed off to work and drove through a puddle. This puddle was up to my knees when I went to push his stalled car from the water. This was about two blocks away. Now the car will not start. It gives a Huh when you turn the key. Since I know about as much about cars as I do quantum physics, I guess I will have to have it towed. I hope it is just new plugs and points, and not life-threatening. That little Escort is on its last legs and I really do not want to spend much more on it. We spent about $2000 last summer in repairs. We only paid $3500 for it to begin with. I am just not in any position to buy a new car right now. The boy, he is OK after I smacked him in the head and broke both knees with a baseball bat. In my mind. Actually, I just smiled and told him not to worry, these things happen.

I finally got around to opening my cell phone bill for last month (it is due this week)and for some reason the bastards have started charging me for internet usage on my Treo. I am supposed to have unlimited use for a flat fee. The charges are over $200! Now I have to fight about that. Contrary to the perception, I do not enjoy getting pissed and fighting with assholes.

In all, yesterday was a pretty crummy day.

June 7, 2008

Noah, call your office

Holy crap, is it ever going to stop raining? I have come to believe lightening and thunder is the natural state of things. I do not have any firm statistics, but I bet we have been drenched with more than a foot of rain in the last 5 days. Some of the areas just west of here have more than 8 inches in the last 12 hours, and I suspect we got close to that. the lake that was once my side yard can attest to the saturated ground. The Big Blue River was out of its banks more than a quarter mile before last night's deluge.

My oldest son started a new job last night. He will be valet parking cars at the casino that is scheduled to open here in the hometown. They had a trial run for the gaming commission and local dignitaries last night. The big opening is scheduled for next week. he pulled in almost $60 in tips, plus $8.50/hour. Not a bad summer job. He says he is going to keep working at Pizza Hut as well.

The youngest has been asked to play with the high school baseball team in the their summer league (at least some of the games). He is an incoming freshman, so he is pretty excited. He will likely not get much playing time, but it is still pretty cool. His first game was scheduled for today, but given the weather, it looks doubtful. Babe Ruth league games were cancelled for last night due to flooded fields, so I expect he will be out of luck tomorrow for the regular games.as well (this is his regular league where he mainly plays).

Tomorrow is the wife's birthday. She will be x years old. I am not an idiot people, she may not read this, but she may discover it someday.

Weekend Funny

June 6, 2008

The Longest Day

I originally published this on June 6, 2005. It is still appropriate.

Monday, June 06, 2005
"The most difficult and complicated operation ever to take place"
The above quote is by Winston Churchill. Joseph Stalin said
"The history of war does not know of an undertaking comparable to it for breadth of conception, grandeur of scale, and mastery of execution."

June 6, 1944. Not many under the age of 40, or maybe even 60, know the importance of this date. D-Day. The assault on Normandy, an operation that has never been equaled in the anals of history. The landing location was kept a secret, the Hun was stunned to the very core. Yet it was a close thing. Read the fine history of D-Day by Stephen Ambrose. Did you think Private Ryan was graphic? Read the words of the men at Utah, Gold, Juno, and Omaha beaches.

Nearly 175,000 Canadians, British, and Americans landed on D-day, at a cost of more than 10,000 casualties. We do not know for sure. It was only after several days of fighting that role calls were made, paperwork completed. Over 6,600 Americans were casualties, over 2,000 of those were on Omaha Beach and 2,500 were from the Airborne troops. These men sacrificed to save the world from the likes of Hitler. They freed Europe and saved France from its own traitorous Vichy Government.

"As the first men jumped, they crumpled and flopped into the water. Then order was lost. It seemed to the men that the only way to get ashore was to dive head first in and swim clear of the fire that was striking the boats. But, as they hit the water, their heavy equipment dragged them down and soon they were struggling to keep afloat. Some were hit in the water and wounded. Some drowned then and there... But some moved safely through the bullet fire to the sand and then, finding they could not hold there, went back in to the water and used it as cover, only their heads sticking out. Those who survived kept moving with the tide, sheltering at times behind underwater obstacles and in this way they finally made their landings.

Within ten minutes of the ramps being lowered, Company A had become inert, leaderless and almost incapable of action. Every officer and Sergeant had been killed or wounded... It had become a struggle for survival and rescue. The men in the water pushed wounded men ashore, and those who had reached the sands crawled back into the water pulling others to land to save them from drowning, in many cases only to see the rescued men wounded again or to be hit themselves. Within twenty minutes of striking the beach Company A had ceased to be an assault company and had become a forlorn little rescue party bent upon survival and the saving of lives."

Official Unit Report, Company A, 116th Infantry, 29th Division.

On the backs of these men and the rest of the "Greatest Generation" that we owe our freedom today. Thank God for them in your payers tonight.

June 5, 2008

Friday Five

We are doing the Friday Five early this week, as June 6 is a date I set aside for a serious post.

My Internet twin Supergurl showed me last week this little contest is not nearly so easy as I had believed. But being a lazy and unimaginative cuss, I will continue for at least one more week. This week I have searched out the lyrics to some of the worst songs of the Seventies. These babies should fill you with nostalgia for polyester shirts and bell bottoms. These are the songs you heard on your transistor radio, and loved to hate. There is no disco, only pure pop of the sweetest, most saccharine kind. try not to puke on your keyboard enjoy:

1. Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.
Together we climbed hills or trees.
Learned of love and ABC's,
skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.
Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die,
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.

2. In the heat of a summer night
In the land of the dollar bill
When the town of Chicago died
And they talk about it still

When a man named Al Capone
Tried to make that town his own
And he called his gang to war
With the forces of the law

3. See the tree, how big it's grown
But friend, it hasn't been too long, it wasn't big
I laughed at her and she go mad
The first day that she planted it, was just a twig
Then the first snow came
And she ran up to brush the snow away so it wouldn't die
Came running in, all excited
Slipped and almost hurt herself and I laughed till I cried
She was always young at heart, kind of dumb and kind of smart
And I loved her so

4.Muskrat susie, muskrat sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And sammys so skinny

sorry, I have stop here and be sick...

5. I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need

bonus: Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

That, my friends is the worst pop song ever recorded. I have set new hand speed records changing the station when that tripe hits the airwaves. You cannot beat the sentiment, but the song makes we want to shove ice picks in my ears -- dull ones. Every time I have heard that song is wasted minutes from my life I can never get back. Worse, it is the kind of horrid tune that easily becomes an earworm. I must turn on some real classic rock to burn the sound of that musical abortion from my brainpan.

June 4, 2008

Melancholy Man

Wow, what a cutielanche I was gifted by Erica, I think she sent every peep from Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn over here. Hey, all youse guys keep comin' back. We may talk funny out here in flyover country, but I can offer you some history, some politics, an occasional good cartoon, a slice of my mundane life and some occasional humor. In other words you never know what you will find here, exept a heavy dose of mediocrity. I really know how to sell it, eh?

I am off this morning to the Second City. We will see how the old back holds up. Driving seems to be the only thing that really bothers me still. I am delivering you this pathetic post through the super sekrit blogger schedule post feature. I have used it to do the last few Friday Five posts. If you care, this weeks post is already done, and will be published on Thursday. Do not get confused and knock off for the weekend a day early! Anyway this week we will feature absolutely revolting and horrible songs from the 1970s. Bring your barf bags and play along.

June 3, 2008


The rain provides an uneven back beat on the living room skylight. Raindrops jump as they land on the glass patio table. I hear an occasional metallic ping as stray drops fall down the fireplace chimney. Lightning flashes in the twilight. It is nearly eleven in the morning. God bowls a gutter ball of thunder in the distance. I look out the window at the flowers bouncing in the wind. A 'you have new mail' pops on my screen. Work beckons. The 'fridge hums in the kitchen, the computer whirs near my feet. A dozen items occupy my brain. The rain comes down heavier now, almost a downpour as thunder again booms in the distance, felt more than heard. Each minute of rain decreases the chances of playing baseball tonight. The team needs the rest anyway, tonight's scheduled contest will be the fourth in five days. Rain is a steady pounding now. The thunder almost constant. The grass I mowed yesterday is a vibrant green. I hear the water cascading from the downspouts. There is little wind. Softer now, the rain is a steady shower. the thunder sounds like fireworks in the distance and I know I am blessed.

June 2, 2008

I need your help

I come before you today, my favorite stained and faded Cubs hat in hand. I need your help and support to battle a curse, a disease that a afflicts millions of men. This disease attacks regardless of race or religion. It attacks your very limbs. Please lend your support for a new organization I have created:


Bloggers United Against Receding Ankle Hair

I am one of the legion of males afflicted with this misery. I have tried the creams, the lotions, everything. I even tried the spray hair I saw on a late night infomercial, but it made my ankles look like I had on a pair of permanent black socks. I have considered transplants, but at my age I have concerns about taking any hair from my head. Plus, I do not want my ankle hair growing long like some kind of freak human Clydesdale. Finding hair from other parts of my body that only grow short -- well that is too creepy to even consider.

What causes this horrible curse? Nobody knows. Some think it is caused by dress socks. Others claim the culprit is the steel-toed boots I wear to kick hippies. Can we blame the hightop Chuck Taylors of my misspent youth? Maybe it was those horrid tube socks from the 1980's. Maybe it is just genetics. With your help, we will create the most modern testing lab. We will have at least two test stands devoted entirely to kicking hippies with steel-toed boots: one for the ass, one for the crotch.

Until BUARAH, this condition, this affliction, this embarrassing situation was kept hidden by socks and long pants. Scientists and doctors are afraid to confront the problem. But with your help we can fight this disease. We can come out from behind our socks and proudly proclaim, I am a man. I have ankle hair.

We will overcome. Thank you in advance for your emotional support and financial contributions.


Insert Title Here

Insert post here.

update weather
drop a funny/sarcastic line or pun here
talk about politics
linkage to worthy blogger
plead for more hits
promise more later

end on high note

June 1, 2008

Facing reality

I accepted the fact long ago I am not a great writer. When it comes to poetry I have even less skill. But I do know what I like, and I usually like Jean's poetry. The one she posted here is one of my favorite poems ever.

Is it funny? Is it sad? Is it art? Is it life? It is one of those things you read and then say "I wish I had written that".
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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