August 31, 2006

Hello Blogworld

I had a very nice business meeting in the Chicago area today, it was a long drive there and back. Will the construction ever end on the Chicago Interstate system? The trip from 294 to I80 East is hell. There were two wrecks on the Indy west side that made the drive about 40 minutes longer than it should have.

I think I will move the favorite five poll to Friday, Friday Five has a certain symmetry I think.

The hype/scare/panic about Eduardo has begun anew for the Carolinas. Unfortunately the calling of official emergencies a week before the storm strikes gives a whole "cry wolf" atmosphere. Who will listen next time when a storm is coming?

Long weekend coming up, I am ready! We just have to get through Friday. Is the Friday prior to a long weekend the most unproductive day ever?

August 30, 2006

Five Favorite

This week I challenge you to name your five favorite comedy movies. Here is the catch -- they must have been filmed in black and white! Put on your thinking caps and remember days gone by. I bet you are just jumping up and down and spitting out wooden nickels on this category -- hey, HB got TCM!

Extra points if you name an Esther Williams movie. Oh, and the Three Stooges count.

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was
an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in
South Louisiana.

Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The
delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem
for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert
to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist
and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived,
and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The
priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into
Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped
in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle
of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted:
"You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."

August 29, 2006

Musical results

Hah, I am so disappointed not one of you tried to curry points and name a Esther Williams movie. That chick was so hot and was my teenage crush.

here are the top vote getters all with three votes:

West Side Story, Paint your Wagon, Phantom of the Opera and the vile Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Here is my list:

Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, Pal Joey, Singing in the Rain, and any movie with Julie Andrews or Esther Williams.

Just for kicks, let us look at the beautiful Ms Williams again.

Start thinking about comedies.

Blame Bush

The lets relive Katrina parade is getting a little old already. The take from every reporter is pretty much the same -- Blame Bush. Every station and newspaper might as well have been written by the same person. Bush did nothing to help the poor soles in New Orleans. Even the worthless former FEMA chief blamed Bush this morning. He said he was only following White House talking points.

Look, the Federal Government's response was horrible, but we all know where the blame lies. Local and State Governments are responsible for protecting the citizens. The State National Guards are under the authority of the Governor. The response of the Mayor of NOLA, "Chocolate Nagin" is the primary cause of the catastrophe at the time and why the city remains a war zone today.

In know I am spitting into a hurricane gale, but that hurricane hit Mississippi harder, yet we are not hearing the same "help me " blame Bush stories. Unbiased reporting my ass.

Why bother, if you read this site regularly you know the truth.

August 28, 2006

A Modern Pied Piper

The mayor of Houston Texas was very worried about a plague of
pigeons in Houston. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from
the city. All of Houston was full of pigeon poop. The people of
Houston couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was
costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.
"I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without cost to
the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or,
you can pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The mayor
considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat,
and released a red pigeon. The red pigeon circled in the air and flew
up into the bright blue Texas sky. All the pigeons in Houston saw
the red pigeon. They gathered up behind the red pigeon. The Houston
pigeons followed the red pigeon as she flew eastward out of the city.

The next day the red pigeon returned completely alone to the man
atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He thought the man
and the red pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid
Houston of the plague of pigeons.

Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor
presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the man that,
indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to
no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the five
million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his question.

The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"

Manic Monday

It is raining, I am tired, horny, and in no mood to deal with the bullshit that litters my email inbox. I have expense reports to do and if you have ever had to deal with that, you know from whence I complain.

This is not original, but it shall be the theme of the day:

Mondays suck.

August 27, 2006

These are real

The Top 10 Unintentionally Worst Company URLs

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain
name selected as others see it and not just as you think it looks.
Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following
legitimate companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and
services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the
agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is < BR>
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company:

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in N ew
South Wales:

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their w ebsite is

9. Then, of course, there are these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
http: //

August 25, 2006

And that makes nine

My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Up Nine Pizzas.

Who put these guys in Charge anyway? A bunch of eggheads have joined together in Europe and have decided Pluto, the little guy at the edge of the galaxy, is no longer a planet. I call bullshit. Where are the liberals on this issue? Just because it has a wobbly orbit, it is a bit smaller than the other boys, the bully scientists want to kick it off the team. What happened to inclusion? What about celebrating interplanetary diversity? Who is next Uranus? Neptune? One of those guys spins on its side. One has a funny name. When will the insults end?

I refuse to agree. Pluto, God of the underworld, Mickey's dog, little lost ice ball on the edge of the solar system. You will find it safe here, no insults, no being lumped with drifting chunks of ice and moons. You are a full planet to me, otherwise the mnemonic at the beginning of this post makes no sense.

Good gravy

White Gravy

You can use multiples, I usually make a triple batch for my family.

2 T drippings
2 T flour
1 C milk

Always keep these proportions.

Add drippings to hot skillet over medium high. Stir in flour and cook for about 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add milk slowly, stirring constantly make sure you break up any lumps NOW. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook until thick about 15 minutes keeping a constant boil, stirring constantly. This recipe always works.

Some people use the shaker jar method, this one always does better for me, as the flour cooks just like you are making a roux, so the gravy always thickens perfectly.

August 24, 2006

Little Trooper

Hold your left hand out palm down. Imagine the large bones in your arm are now pushed underneath your palm. Maybe a better way to put it is instead of the hand attached at the wrist to the end of your arm bones, your hand is on top of the broken ends of your arm bones. Does that image make you queasy? Imagine it was your own son's arm.

Yep, yesterday morning the little one broke his arm in PE class, playing touch football. Typical, he lamented the fact he was just breaking a big run around the end when he slipped on the grass and fell on his outstretched arm, bending the hand back and breaking it in the manner described above. Baseball and football are done for the fall.

After spending the morning in the ER, the forenoon in the Specialists office, and the evening at the hospital where surgery was required to set the bones, he came home late last night in considerable pain. Throughout the ordeal he mostly complained he was hungry. Of course they would not allow him to eat or drink all day. He has always said he wanted to be a doctor. When I asked him if he still wanted to be a doctor yesterday he said "NO, I am not going to school for 8 years so I can ask someone 15 times when was the last time they ate."

He has a cast from above his elbow to his fingers. He will miss at least the rest of the week of school, and he is already bored. He remains in good humor and the doctor said there is only a small chance there will be issues with the broken growth plate. So here we sit, watching Simpson DVDs; a smile on his face, worry in my heart.

August 23, 2006


I fried up some cube steaks last night and served them with buttered corn, mashed potatoes and gravy. I make my own gravy according to my grandma's recipe. It is always good, always perfect. If you want to know how to make perfect white gravy let me know.

I have not commented on the little one and the football team. In a past post I worried he would not be given a chance, and I was right. Last year he beat out all of the 6th graders to win the starting QB slot for the all star football team, and played well. This year, under new coaches at the middle school (7th grade) he was not given an opportunity. When asked what he played he said QB, and they said "well go over there with the other backs". ALL of the skilled positions on first team were given to basketball players. He is second string wing back. Welcome to Indiana -- if you play basketball, you must be the best at everything. The kid playing ahead of him at his position is smaller, slower and did not even make the all star team last year. He has not grown, either. There was no tryout, no competition to see who was better, just slotted in positions on the first day of practice. The coaches always lament the fact that so many kids do not come out for sports teams in the second year -- Hmmm, I wonder why? The little one is getting some practice time at safety and special teams. He is disappointed, but seems to be enjoying the experience. He came home with blood running down his leg yesterday -- his response "it is nothing". The cheerleaders decorated all of the players lockers yesterday; guess who got skipped? Oh well, he cheerfully goes to practice. He is a straight A student in the advanced classes. He already knows there is more to life than sports. He has watched his parents enough to know life ain't fair. He is a good boy.

I can accept the cruelties of life, but it is sure hard to watch your kids get fucked over -- the oldest boy at his concert debut (see below, I am too lazy to link today), the little one here. My dad always said our family was cursed with bad luck, I sure would like to see the cycle broken some day.

August 21, 2006

Favorite five

This week tell me your five favorite musicals.

Any movie that includes my favorite all time hottie musical actress will get extra credit. That is her, over there on the right.

Note, just because I like musicals does not make me gay or anything. Does it?

War movies -- The results

Here are the votes as computed by the accounting firm of Yourfu King Nutts and Kiddingme:

Saving Private Ryan(7)
We Were Soldiers (6)
Band of Brothers (5)

Five movies got three votes.

Here is my list in no order:

The Alamo
The Patriot
Full Metal Jacket
In Harms Way
The Green Berets
Saving Private Ryan
The Blue Max
The Dirty Dozen

I get many votes -- my survey.

Masturbating Goats

I will freely admit I am not the smartest guy that ever lived. I am pretty sure Isaac Newton (the cookie guy?) and Albert Einstein were both smarter than I. At least one person in my graduating class in college has me to thank for his ability to claim on his first resume that he graduated in the top 1/2 of his class (you wordsmiths out there try to top that for the most pronouns in one sentence).

Our city has an ordinance that says all trash must be in bags, and in a garbage can. The city claims this speeds the collection effort, reduces overtime, etc. There are actually fines in place for noncompliance. Every week I watch the garbage men open the cans and remove the bags one by one and throw them in the back of the truck. How can this possible be faster than when I and my neighbors put the trash bags next to the curb?

I need a high paying job in city management. The time study on that ordinance would take about 5 minutes to complete.

On the wish I had a camera phone front #2:

There is one of those roadside stands down the highway from my house that sells produce, flowers, yard ornaments, sunglasses, beach towels... Anyway they have a big orange sign out front that reads:

All ceament and concreat 50% or have off

It has been there two weeks now. Even I know "have off" is not right!

Pygmy Sex

I will be trying out new titles this week to try and attract some of the weird google hits you guys get, thanks for your suggestions.

I have designed a Hoosierboy T shirt. I have already made arrangements with Wal Mart to stock them. If you see a fellow Fat in Indiana fan wearing this shirt give them the Hoosierboy super secret sign -- a little wave at waist level. If they respond in any manner, you will know they are in the club. Email me pictures of you wearing the Hoosierboy T shirt and I will post them on the site. Eat me Frank J, I gots me T shirts now too! I plan on wearing one when I visit a customer later this week (under my dress shirt). Buy it. Wear it. Spread the love.

The oldest boy was a little disappointed in his concert debut. He said the "old guys" running the event were total assholes. Most of the bands and audience are thirty somethings, and they asked some local high school bands to play ( there is a pretty good music scene in this small town with several high school bands). The boy said the sound guy kept randomly turning down the instruments as they were playing so they could not hear the notes. He said the guy would turn down the guitar during the verse and turn it way up during the chorus. He said the sound and light guy were laughing there asses off at the band's increasing confusion and resulting missed notes. It made the band look and sound bad. White trash assholes never change.

August 20, 2006

A failure to communicate

I neglected to post something yesterday. I am sure you all cried yourselves to sleep last night in despair.

We dropped the daughter back to college yesterday, it was a little easier than last year, but still tough. I do not know which is harder, being a parent or knowing the kid does not need you in the same way any more. My Mom says you never stop worrying -- she is right.

What is unique about the following?:


The coffee is done. Have a great Sunday.

We are off to Columbus, IN to watch the little one play a baseball double header this afternoon. I have many things I should do, but what the heck. The oldest boy is making his stage debut playing bass and guitar at a local music fest today. He is jazzed, but says he does not want us to come listen and watch. "That would be too weird" he told us. He invited his sister, but as I said, she is at school.

August 18, 2006


For some reason I rarely get those weird Google hits so many of you get. I am not sure why, I guess it is my pure as driven snow reputation. Fuzzy kittens and bunnies and newborn lambs are more the images I associate with Fat in Indiana.

Does anyone else find it weird and disturbing to continue to get hits from Gutrumbles? Yabu is probably right it is bad juju to keep a link to a dead man, but I cannot find it in me to delete the link. Acidman inspired me to try this blog thing (like many of you) and was free to offer advice when I started (like he did many of you). I wish I had the courage to lay my personal life out for all to see, but I was not raised that way, it goes against my nature. Hell, only my brother Otter in my family even knows about this site (to the best of my knowledge).

What is the point of this post? Hell if I know. Have a good weekend. Remember if you are not promoting Hoosierboy, you should be supporting someone who is.

August 17, 2006

Just another argument

Airplanes, ports, bridges, subways and shopping malls cannot ever be sanitized against every type of attack that can be dreamed up by fanatics engaged in asymmetrical warfare. We have to target the fanatics themselves. Baby formula doesn't kill people. Islamic fascists kill people.

--- Ann Coulter

read it all here.

This guy is funny as hell

Go read him, tell him I sent you in the comments. If he keeps posting I will add a link.

Thursday Grab Bag

So the Prime Minister or President or whatever title he gives himself of Lebanon says that Israel are the terrorists, that the US is to blame for the deaths in his country. He calls the Hezbullys "freedom fighters" and says without them Israel would be occupying his palace. The new spin -- Israel started the whole thing. Syria is a great friend to Lebanon he also said. I guess the question of where Hezbollah got the missiles is cleared up? What a great deal Condi brokered -- the instigators of the war are given back the territory they lost, the bunkers and arms caches are not to be disturbed and Hezbollah is not to be disarmed. Rice tells us with a straight face this will be a lasting peace. Fuck 'em. The next time I bet Israel does not back off and we should encourage them to unleash the dogs of war. How many of the "peace keeping force" from the Lebanese army are Hezbullahs now in uniform or Syrian Army or Iranian Republican Guard?

CAIR is throwing a fit -- the President cannot refer to the terrorists as Islamic Fascists. We now refer to them as "people who want to do harm to our country". Fuck that. CAIR is a partner with Hamas a terrorist group. Why can't we call a spade a spade or a raghead a raghead? Reality here GW -- the people who are trying to kill us ARE Islamic Fascists. Not every Muslim is a terrorist. Nearly every terrorist IS a Muslim. Of course they should be profiled at the airport. If a 7 foot redhead Caucasian male robbed a bank, would the police stop little old ladies and afro-Americans? Of course not. They might question one or two innocent tall red heads, but they would not waste there time on people who do not fit the description. If you are a male of Arabic descent between the age of 18 and 45, and have Ali or Muhammad or Mustafah etc. in your name, sorry but you are getting strip searched at the airport. Get your buddies to stop the killing and we can all move on. While I am on a roll, what kind of sick religion indicates it is Ok to use your kid as a human splodybomb? Look, I have my religious opinions, others have theirs (that are probably wrong) and in the END we will find out who is correct. I cannot imagine a God that condones the strapping of bombs to your baby or little kid. I think there is a Hell and those people will be stoking the fires with a red hot pitchfork up their ass.

If the lady on the plane diverted to Boston was just "claustrophobic" why did we divert fighter jets to escort it to the ground? Why were all of the passengers luggage subjected to search? Why were bomb dogs brought in? I know the Government does not tell us everything, but I know a lie when I hear it.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of things pissing me off today. More may come after I have some coffee.

August 16, 2006

Hit the road Jack

I am off to the Northern reaches of the Hoosier State (why is South Bend in the North?)so I do not have time for a real post. Vote for your favorite war movie down below a few posts. Do it for the children. Vote now or Tinkerbell will die. The lives of kittens and puppies depend on your participation. Do it for world peace, damn it!

August 15, 2006

Fire up the wayback machine

Remember the old films in school "You were there"? Well where were you on this date in 1969?


The house is quiet. The kids are back to school, the wife back to work. I guess that means summer is over. My daughter returns to college this weekend. It seems I hardly got to see her this summer, that is the result of her working two jobs.

It is easier to work when no one is here, but I miss the distractions of my family. I cannot believe school is started, now we will have the fights about homework, going to bed, getting up early.

I miss summer already.

August 14, 2006

War, hmph, what is it good for?

Name your five favorite war movies of all time. Post your votes in the comments. I will give you my choices and the results of your voting next week.

Be like the Chicago Democrats -- vote early and often! Your participation is crucial -- common lurkers, now is your time to be heard!

Muslims? We don't need no stinkin' Muslims

I found this link over at Charming just charming. It is one of the best written and well thought pieces on the world situation today. I wish I had written it. Read it. I will wait.

Tell me and prove to me the article is wrong. That is an open challenge.

Western Results

The results of the Big Western Poll are in and Unforgiven was the clear favorite western of Fat in Indiana readers. Clint Eastwood movies were favored over the Duke, that could be a sign of my reader's demographics.

Here are the winners in order:

Unforgiven (4)
Outlaw Josey Wales (3)
Lonesome Dove (3)
Tombstone (3)
Ten other movies got two votes

John Wayne westerns received lots of votes, but they were spread over a variety of titles. That may be a reflection on the number and quality of his work, everyone liked them all I guess. I was surprised Paint your Wagon received multiple votes, I cannot stand that movie. I think every Clint Eastwood western except Pale Rider got votes. That one is one of my personal favorites.

Here is my list:

Outlaw Josey Wales
Big Jake
Pale Rider
Hang em High

Open Range also gets a vote, it is my poll! I have read hundreds of westerns and hands down the Lonesome Dove trilogy is the greatest western ever written. I have not seen the entire miniseries, so it did not get my vote. If the series is half as good as the book, it would be number one in my list.


This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

August 13, 2006

Last one

In the back to school spirit.

August 12, 2006

World Trade

I went to see the movie World Trade last night. I will reluctantly admit I did not want to see the movie. I was afraid it would open wounds and the floodgate of emotions I was not sure I wanted reopened. Then there was the Oliver Stone factor, his leanings are not unknown and the last thing I wanted to see was a blame Bush conspiracy theory.

The movie was brilliant. It captured the horror and confusion of the day without being too graphic. It is free of politics. My only complaint was the idiots behind me who gave a running narration to each other throughout the film -- "The towers are going to collapse", "He is going to die if they do not get out soon". Once again I was a victim of the VCR generation.

I found my emotional reaction interesting, as the movie continued, the toll on the victims, the families, the rescue workers, the citizens of our nation made me angry. By the movies end my resolve to back the nation's war on terror strengthened. The depraved, sick individuals that brought such human suffering must be brought to justice. The realization that these assholes tried again just this week makes my anger build to a rage.

I watched some woman go apeshit yesterday on CNN because the President had referred to the terrorists as Islamic Fascist. She said he was spreading hate. WTF? Why can't we say it like it is? Islamicists did the WTC, and they tried to do it again this week. These raghead Muslims have caused 99.9% of the violence in the mideast, yet there are some who do not want to call a spade a spade. These people hate us not because of our language , our skin color, our racial purity, but because we are not adherents to the teachings of a child molester who wrote the Koran. Period. Wake up and eat the bacon, these people hate us because we are a free society, not living under Islamic law. EOS. See the movie, it is good to remember why we are fighting.

August 11, 2006

Laugher for the day

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round!
I may have posted this before. It is still funny

A man was sitting on a blanket on the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear "Have
you ever been f****d?"
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No." She replied, "You
will be when the tide comes in."

Blame Otter, he sent it.

August 10, 2006

Just a post before I go

Does anyone still think those missing Egyptian students is no big deal?

August 9, 2006

Don't go changin'

I have made some additions to the blogroll. The best way to find out what is new is to just click and read every site over there on the right. They are all worth your time (except Queenie who refuses to post. Every time I take her off the old blogroll she starts up again. It is principle of the thing now).

How to meet women and score in the bedroom

Have you answered the Big Western poll below? I need your responses.

Sorry, if you came here for advice on getting laid you got fooled. I have been married for 22 years, I cannot help you. Maybe this post title will get me some hits -- hey, the Dragon got 30 comments on a post about group masturbation -- where is my love?

I watched the first disk of the new Pink Floyd concert DVD "Pulse" that came out recently. It is the 1994 concert in Royal Albert Hall. So far pretty cool. Welcome to my boring life. Sitting in a Courtyard hotel in Fort Wayne, watching a concert filmed 12 years ago. I bet you wish you had my life. Lunch at Applebees, dinner at Cracker Barrel and a long boring evening in the hotel typing posts to a blog.

In the spirit of my evening so far -- I wish you were here.

The post below about books got me to thinking. What was the first "adult" book you read? Not pornography, but novel with adult themes? I think it was "The Summer of '42" for me. Mom made the mistake of leaving it out on the table one day. I could read very fast in those days, and read constantly. I am sure I finished it in one day. In my teens it was not unusual for me to read for 12 or more hours in a day. Mom was not thrilled when she saw me reading the book, but I was almost done. She asked me if I had any questions. Nope, but after seeing the movie a few years later, I wanted to get laid by Jennifer O'Neill too. I am not sure when I read this book, it had to be the early 1970's. I guess I am going to head to the library one of these days and see if I can find a copy of this old classic.

Don't forget to vote for your favorite western!

The wording of a test is important

Blonde Geometry

After careful scrutiny, it is our understanding that the blonde student was given credit for the answer, but the board of education has warned math teachers to be more explicit in the future.

a tip of the old stetson to Otter


I usually do not place well with others, a true character fault. Alli at Fox Rants memed me, and well, since it is Alli, one of my very first readers, I will play along.

One book that changed your life.
"Tucker" by Louis L'Amour. My grandfather gave it to me to read and it began a 10 year reading relationship with th Western Novel.

One book that you have read more than once.
"Flight of the Intruder" by Stephen Coonts

One book that you would want on a desert island.
The Aubry / Maturin series by O'Brien or the any series by WEB Griffin. If it is one book -- War and Peace -- at least it will take a while to read (it is also pretty good)

One book that made you laugh.
Any book written by Tim Dorsey

One book that made you cry
The one by John Grisham where the little kid witnesses the murder, I cannot remember the title

one book you wish had been written.

Tom Sawyer

One book you wish had never been written.
The Koran

One book you are currently reading.
"Memorial Day" by Vince Flynn, but I cannot get into it

One book you have been meaning to read.

A Farwell to Arms by Hemingway

Now tag five people
You, you, you, you, and You.

August 8, 2006


I am not smart enough to put one of those polls into my post. I will have to take this survey in my comments. Name the five best western movies ever made, ranked in order.

I will publish my votes and the results later in the week.

More trailers

August 7, 2006

The last of the WTF? Signs

Hooters and Cuddleshack

My daughter(20)has a list of summer goals on her wall. It includes the usual lose ten pounds etc. One of the goals is to beat Mom and Dad at Cards. She and her boyfriend have tried all summer to beat us in Euchre to no avail.

Saturday they went to the drive-in movie, another of the goals since her boyfriend had never been to one. When they came home I was watching Hoosiers on TV. They pushed us to play, and since I have seen the movie about 50 times I reluctantly agreed. While we were getting the cards out the boyfriend mentioned he had never seen Hoosiers. Later we were talking about the famous scene in Caddyshack where the Baby Ruth is found in the pool. My daughter said she had not seen Caddyshack.

I told them I could not believe it," He has never seen Hooters, and you Cuddleshack?" The boyfriend burst out laughing and the daughter turned about ten shades of red. Doctor Freud, call your office.

Anyway, they finally won a game of Euchre after trying for almost a year. The spouse and I won two of three though. I told the wife later it had been a long time since I saw hooters. She was not amused and did not show me any. Such is life.

August 6, 2006


This has been one of the most difficult years of my life. Read the last paragraph of the "Loser" post below. Each of your visits, your comments, your support has made the rough times bearable. I guess I did not state that well or clearly enough. Sure, I have not won life's sweepstakes, but I am in the race. Sometimes that is good enough.


I took down the picture of the little one.

August 4, 2006

Redneck cookout

Beautiful Loser

A few years ago my mother gave me a box of "stuff", it was all the school pictures, report cards, artwork, etc. she had saved over the years. The trashheap of my childhood. There were homemade cards for Mother's day, and birthdays I had made. I could not spell as a child either.

In the box were various ribbons from my athletic days. There were ribbons from my brief cross country career and from many wrestling meets and tourneys. There were no blue, only one red, I think. Most were for participation or, in the case of cross country, double digit placements. Whoohoo, I got 37th at the Northwestern Invitational -- way to go! There were some third place for wrestling, but not once did I raise my arms a champion. A loser always. I think the only thing I ever won was a history contest in the eighth grade. I overheard the comments as I walked by, "He won?, I did not think he was that smart."

Some things never change. I console myself that in the game of life most of us participate, few win. I know there are many worse off than I. I have a house, a car, a wonderful family, a good job. I continue to pay for financial mistakes I made fifteen or twenty years ago. My cars are old, my garage cluttered. My bathroom needs remodeling. My house is too small for my family. Paying for my daughter's college is killing me. I would have it no other way.

The point is just once, I would like to have that feeling of being a champion, a winner, the best. I would like to be able to tell you I am good at something. I joke that at least one person in my graduating class in college had me to thank that he could say he was in the top 50% of his graduating class on his resume. Some of you know my real name is Joe; Average Joe. If they had such a vote I would be elected most forgettable. I live in an average house in an average town. I have few good friends and lots of acquaintances. I do not know my neighbors, but I always wave hello. If I were to quit writing this blog most of you would bat nary an eye. We all want to leave a mark. Mine will be a footprint in the early morning's wet grass, and about as long lasting.

Rest assured, this is not a poor me, I hope I die post. I believe in the existence of God simply by the fact that he gives us a new day every 24 hours. Another chance. One more opportunity to get it right, to be a champion, a winner. I have accepted my lot in life. Happiness is where you find it. That is why I get such a kick when you come here to read my crap. In a long-winded poor Hoosierboy way I am saying Thanks. I really do appreciate it.

August 3, 2006

Schools out for the summer -- but not much longer

The wife took the little one to register for school just now. That is depressing. Only about two more weeks of summer. They are going back too early, if you ask me. I am sure the little one feels he had no summer, baseball took up much of the vacation. He would not change, but it is disappointing to look back and see you made no trips, no amusement parks, nothing but baseball games every weekend.

In Indiana you have to "rent" the textbooks. For my Senior and seventh grader book rental will be nearly $500. That does not include the $100 plus we will have to spend on notebooks, folders, paper, pens, pencils, etc. that the teachers will demand. Admittedly, the oldest boy's classes are expensive because he is taking two art classes, and the supplies are not cheap, but still, it is $150 for the little one alone.

Football begins on Monday. We have some practice to do. The little one is also playing fall baseball. He has not picked up a mitt or bat in about two weeks, so we will have to knock off a little rust before our first practice on Sunday. They move to a regular sized field for the fall league and play by major league rules -- it will be quite a change. He has played those rules before, but it will still be an adjustment. Of course, he has not thrown a football since last fall -- there is more than a little rust needs to be polished! He plays for the middle school team this year. That will be an adjustment. He is still pretty small.

Those of you who live in a small town will understand the hurtles he will face. We have lived here about 16 years. Neither my wife nor I grew up here. We did not play sports here. We are still in many respects "outsiders". Often you are picked for teams because your father was a good athlete, or because the coach went to school with your mom. If he gets a fair chance, he is the best quarterback in the seventh grade. If they base the decision like they often do -- who is the best basketball player (this is Indiana) he will not be given a fair opportunity. Last year he made the "all star" football team that traveled to play in some tournaments. He beat out three other kids for the full-time QB position. He will compete against the same group this year, just different coaches. We will see what happens, he is worried, he knows how things work. Your name means more than your ability sometimes. He has dealt with similar situations in every sport he plays. They look at his size and dismiss him. He will out work, out hustle, and out play nearly every kid, and he takes a hit like no one else his size. If given a chance he will earn the position. I only hope they give him the opportunity to prove himself.

Anyway, to the point of this post: it is too early to go back to school. It will sure be quiet here at the home office when they do.

An elephant's memory

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him.
For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant !!!!!!!!!

from my Dad

August 2, 2006

Coffee Breath

Yesterday I found myself really wishing I had one of those camera phones. I saw a business in East Dubuque, IL that just cracked me up. It was called "Family Beer and Liquor" If you do not find that amusing you are at the wrong website.

I visited US Grant's home in Galena, IL yesterday morning (that is it up there on the left). I arrived right at nine am, as the doors opened. I was the first tour of the day, and needless to say, I was the only member of my tour group. The docent gave a nice presentation, but insisted in talking right in my face. This guy had the most fetid breath I have smelt in a long time. It was horrid, I think the guy must have had a garlic and onion omelet and lots of coffee for breakfast. It was so bad I just wanted to leave, and you know how I love the Civil War and all associated with it.

I stayed in one of those "suite" type hotels last night. There were several kids across the hall. The parents not only let the brats run up and down the hall all evening, but actually encouraged it. I heard the mom say at least twice, "why don;t you go out in the hall and run?" Plus, I got the room next to the elevator, a great experience all around.

I will be back home tonight. I am ready.

August 1, 2006

Cool Cat, Looking for a Kitty

It is all over the news this morning, -- record heat, we are all going to die, global warming, blah, blah. It is summer, it does this EVERY year around this time. Look, if we were really in the middle of global warming the records broken would be from last year, last week, yesterday. Most of the records being broken were set decades ago. How does Algore explain that?

Alarmist tell us one of the reasons we know the heat is worse is the number of deaths. I say the deaths are increasing for a variety of reasons. First, many that are dying are the elderly. People live much longer than they used to. One hundred years ago some of these people would have died from disease and injury. Two, I believe we are softer than in the past. As little as 40 years ago many homes and cars did not have air conditioning. You become more accustomed to the heat. Now we run from our air conditioned home to our air conditioned car to our air conditioned office. We spend little time outside. We do not get gradually acclimated to the heat over the course of spring and summer.

I used to work in a factory that was very hot. The ambient temperature year round was around ninety degrees farenheit. In the summer temperatures often reached well above 100. Just married, our little two bedroom house had no air conditioning. I would sit under the ceiling fans, warm, but not uncomfortable. The wife worked in an air conditioned office, she found the house sweltering. It is all what you get used to.

It is hot. Stay inside, wear loose light clothing and drink plenty of fluids. In fewer weeks than we want to admit we will be bitching about the cold. Football camp is in session.

Oh, in a completely unrelated note, I hope you die Fidel.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
Powered By Blogger