November 30, 2020

Dead Cat Dance

 A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he had found a cat this weekend. The teacher asked if he took the cat home and took care of it.

“It was dead,” informed the student.
“How do you know?” the teacher asked.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” said the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?”, the teacher exclaimed appalled.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssst’ in its ear and it didn’t move.”

November 29, 2020

The Big Kickoff Entry

Happy Sunday, blog friends. It is a chilly, but seasonal, day here at the homestead. There is a forecast for snow on the morrow and again later in the week. I don’t mind, it is that time of year. The place is starting to look festive as the wife has been busy decorating every room, nook, and cranny in holiday splendor.

In other news, I don’t have any. The leftists are girding their loins for a January takeover and we will sit back and see what freedom-usurping policies they impose upon us. 

Enough on that. I’m in a great mood and don’t want to spoil a good cup of coffee with politics.

How about some Christmas music to kick off the Season?

Well too bad, as long as I have the keys to this place I get to choose the content.

Enjoy. Or not. Here is Bing’s version:

November 28, 2020

All the Popular Kids

It is with interest to read various opinion pieces discussing how to rid the GOP of “Trumpism”. There is nothing to stir the loathing of a career politician or the ruling class’ angst like a populist. The proverbial old boys club hates an outsider. Despite their endless and meaningless platitudes about democracy, there exists, and has always existed, a mindset that some people know better than you and ought to rule.

Nothing scares the ruling class like the notion of the masses truly voting. Look at the Gracci in Ancient Rome. The Historians of the Empire certainly gave a sense they thought the Brothers were to blame or screwing up things, and certainly by the time history really came into stride with the Victorians that was the underlying theme. One could make the argument Caesar was assassinated as much for his popularity among the Plebian class as for his usurpation of power. To mix metaphors, Caesar was taking the rice bowl from the bureaucrats and They didn’t like it one bit. 

If the Never-Trumpers had any balls, they would have staged their own Ides of March . Wait, they tried with the whole Russia, Russia, Russia thing. I suppose a literal stabbing in the back was just too icky and messy.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, scared the Western World like the French Revolution. Not so much the tossing of the Bourbons, they owed money to everyone and they were never going to repay, but in that the peasants were taking charge and lopping aristocratic heads with regularity. Now that was a problem. Likewise the the Russians a hundred years ago.

Don’t feel so smug. We haven’t treated our American populists much better. Andrew JAckson has fallen a bit out of favor and the Populist of all Populists, William Jennings Bryan, is treated with more than a little condescending disdain in our own modern histories. More recently, look at how both political parties  feel about Ross Perot. 

The aristocrat-types hate a populist. The very construction of our government is by design built to limit the ability of populism to steer the course of politics. Sure, there is a wink and a nod to letting the People have their say, but the passions that elect the House are limited by the two year term juxtaposed by the six year term of the supposedly more deliberative nature of the Senate. That’s why originally Senators were elected by the States, not the general populace and why the President is chosen through the electoral college, not the popular vote. 

If you want Exhibit A on why populism is a bad idea, look at what has happened to Federalism since the Seventeenth Amendment was passed . One of the first acts of a wholly popular-elected Senate was to outlaw alcohol. Cripes.

It will be interesting to see what happens to the Trump era in history. I say that metaphorically, since sober history won’t be written until long after I’m dead. Of course history is written by the victors, and the aristocracy hates Trump with a burning passion, so I suspect Orange Man Bad will be vilified like most populists in history.

November 27, 2020

My inner Laura Ingalls Wilder

I’m here at the little house on the cul-de-sac. We have the place all decked out for Christmas. 

Yeah, it looks like the image I posted from last year except I added a string over the garage. 

Blogging will be light for the next few days. I’ll be working the entire weekend. I won’t be smiling, but you won’t know. Sometimes masks are a good thing. If you go out to a store be nice. Most of those people at the retail store are good people working hard for low pay. Very low pay. It is not their fault Big Box store (or Mom and Pop) are out of whatever you need, right now. Oh, and Karen, being surly will not increase your chances of me going out of my way  to help you. 

November 26, 2020

To my “Family”

 Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving. 

Let me take a moment to offer my thanks for your support, prayers, and especially for reading this blog. You have no idea what it means to know you stop by to see what I have to say. I don’t know why, but I am thrilled you do.

I want to give thanks to Him, who has blessed me in more ways than I can count and infinitely more than I deserve.

Now go and eat some food and get off the internet.

November 25, 2020

Missing You

 Happy Birthday Sawyer.

November 23, 2020

have you ever heard a whippoorwill?

Monday. It’s a short week for some of you. Since my life is retail Hell, I’ll be on duty and feigning cheerfulness all weekend starting Friday. Hooray for me, hooray for you. I was slated for a short closing shift this evening and then off until Friday. I have been asked to open Wednesday — likely setting Black Friday stuff, and possibly on Tuesday as well. I’ll do it, I need the money. 

This is a hard and sad week for the family. My grandson’s birthday is Wednesday. It is probably good that I work. A busy body makes for a quiet mind. Thanksgiving dinner will be at my daughter’s this year. I think she finds the cooking therapeutic. Still, a shadow of sadness will dull the festivities. At least I don’t cry every time I visit him these days.

The wife and I put the ornaments on the big tree last night. I’m not sure if we are going to put up the other one. I’m not in charge of decorating. The outside is mostly done except for hanging the wreath on the door. 

There you have it, the boringness that is this blog. 

Worth every penny you paid to read it, eh wot?

November 22, 2020

it’s what’s good for you

 Milk Duds and coffee, the breakfast of hopeless romantics like me. No, chewy chocolate covered caramels are likely not on my approved diet, but I’ve been a good boy for the most part. I’ve walked just over thirty miles this week. My weight is down to within the ideal BMI charts. 

I did a brief test of the Christmas lights after dark and a section of the big wreath over the garage is out - from 3 o’clock to 5 o’clock. I picked up a cheap box of replacement lights at work yesterday evening. Yes, I paid for them. 

In other news, I have nothing. The local football team plays the late game. I’m off work. I expect those factors mean the wife will expect me to do something rather than sit on the couch and watch movies or read another Travis McGee adventure. I’m also reasonably certain naked wrestling is not what she will have in mind as an alternative activity. It is raining so I won’t have to rake the remaining  leaves. 

Do you want some music to round out your Sunday? Why not? This is the last regular tune before I start subjecting you to Christmas music next week.  Let’s find a good one. This is one of my favorites by Led Zeppelin:

Have a great Sunday.

November 21, 2020

Easy apple streusel

Yesterday was a gorgeous November day here at the homestead with temperatures reaching nearly 60. I took advantage of the day off and finished the Christmas decorating outside. Lights are up, wreaths are hung, the little tree and wooden snowman are on the porch opposite my old sled. Of course none of the decorations will be lit prior to Friday. I have standards. 

This is what the place looked like last year. It looks the same this year. The wife decided she wants a string of lights around the garage door, so I may add that this week. If you look closely those upstairs windows at the left hand side of the picture, clouded in shadow, you will notice my office where all of my blogging genius originates. I’m sure future historians would like to memorialize the location as a museum to my greatness.

After I did the decorating, I headed out back to rake some of the  leaves in the backyard. The three Bradford pears have finally dumped their leaves, so the detritus is about a half foot thick. I got about 1/4 of the backyard done. Now it has started raining, and it is expected to continue for the next week, so I don’t know when I’ll finish. 

So it goes. Enjoy your Saturday. I made other plans.

What He Said

Go Read this.

Trust me, he is 100% correct. 

November 20, 2020

The Election for President is next month

One would think that since Biden has a law degree, spent his whole life in Washington, and ostensibly will be POTUS, he wold understand Consttutiooal Law just a smidgeon. It was reported on the National news yesterday he and his team are so frustrated with Trump’s refusal to concede that Biden is considering going to court.

For what? There is no law that indicates Trump must work on a transition. He is POTUS until January 20, like it or not. None of his powers are reduced. He does not need to concede legally. Just ask Stacy Abrams.

More to the point, the election for President has not even occurred. Many States have not finished the counting, they have not certified the results. The Electors do not meet to vote for President until December 14th.

If I know that (and I didn’t sleep n a Holiday Inn Express last night), wouldn’t we expect Biden to understand?  

November 19, 2020

No wilting flower

Tough. That is the only description. I take inspiration. When even the mums on the covered porch have started to die from the frost and cold, this day lilly just keeps chugging along. 

This was taken yesterday evening. I think this flower could be the inspiration to keep us going through the coming Bidenstan Bolshevism and Kahmela Kommunism about to descend upon us. 

Oh, and you middle-of-the grounders who didn’t vote right because Trump does mean tweets; good luck when the government lackeys raise your taxes and come after your guns. Biden promised he would. You get what you vote for.

November 18, 2020

he lives

 I’m alive. 

Nothing to report. I’ve had the very early shift again the past few days. Now, lucky you, it is a rare evening post. 

Not that I have anything to say. I just hate the idea of not posting. Damn you Acidman for instilling those blogging habits. Of course the Acidman has been dead for a very long time and likely would have migrated to Facebook  and twitter anyway like most of he old bloggers. I suspect many of you have no clue who the Acidman was.  I’m still here though: 6,900+ posts into this thing. More than a million visitors over 15 years. 

Thanks for reading. I mean that.

November 17, 2020

In 1032 massive wildfires ravaged much of England. I guess it was global warming.

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”


November 16, 2020

So Sorry

I have to apologize. I can only post jokes until I get a list of approved blog topics and opinions from my Anonymous commenter who believes she/he is the arbiter of all things bloggity here at the old website. 

Regular nonsense will continue after proper edification. 

You patience is appreciated.

Here is an appropriate tune to mellow your Monday. It wasn’t approved, I hoping to get forgiveness in lieu of permission in this case. I don’t know if music has to be pre-approved like other commentary.

A few weeks ago

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed the devil itself…my wife rushes through the room and shouts. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDY, JOE.

November 15, 2020

Tomorrow I’ll Miss You

A steady cold rain falls on the homestead grounds this morning. The outside temps are seasonal as I sip coffee and hunt and peck one-fingered on the iPad keyboard. I have to shower and shave and pack a light luncheon in preparation of the early, but not as early as other days, opening shift at the big box this morning. 

The wife suggested it is time to think about dragging the Christmas decorations from the attic. I think it is early, but she wants a head start on her massive redecorating she does every year. A few houses in the neighborhood are already lit up. One house fired up their lights the day after a Halloween. Of course that is the same house that burns Christmas lights until April...

 I don’t know what the wife has in mind, but I am hankering for some fried chicken for supper. Some mashed spuds and white chicken gravy really sound good. 

I had a political commentary half written in my head, but I will torgo it at this point other than to say there are reasons for Trump not to concede the election and reasons why the Democrats and media (redundancy alert) are pushing for it so hard. What would you say if you learned Biden underperformed Hillary in every Blue city except Detroit, Philadelphia, Milwaukee, and Atlanta? The four places with questionable voting in four battleground states. All places with extraordinary turnout and near unanimous votes for Sleepy Joe. Something to think about. 

How about some music to brighten your day?

November 14, 2020

I haven’t heard this before today

 A newlywed couple gets a special present for their nuptials: a brand new sports car. As they leave the wedding reception, they are so excited they drive faster than they ever had before.

“I’ll make you a deal,” said the groom with a smile. “If I do 200mph, you take off your dress. Deal?” he asked.

“Yes!” said his adventurous wife.

As he approached 200mph, she begins to peel off her dress.

With him unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car soon skidded on some gravel and flipped over. The bride, now stark naked, was fine, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

“Go and get help!” he cried.

“But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!”

“Take my shoe and cover yourself,” he said.

Holding the shoe over her private area, the bride ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor: “Please help me! My husband’s stuck!”

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said: “There’s nothing I can do… he’s in too far.”

November 13, 2020

Rabbit Holes

I’ve discussed before how history leads me down rabbit holes. Here is another example.

A good friend of mine was going through his mother’s stuff after she died a month or so ago and ran across an envelope written from a hospital in Nashville in 1865. He wanted to know why his relative was in Nashville, and asked to help figure out what unit he served. We knew he was from Boone County, IN.

I started with a battle order of regiments in the Nashville Campaign. And advised him to look up the ancestor’s pension records. I knew that many men from Boone County served in the 10th Indiana, but they mustered out in ‘64 and if they reinlisted were moved to the 58th Indiana that served in Sherman’s March, not the Nashville Campaign.

I looked up Boone County regiments and lo and behold found pension records from 1890 and 1894! And there it was, his great great grandfather. Two pages later was my great great grandfather. 

Bates, William E. Pvt. Co. H 7th Cav. Iowa. Civil War. Present address: Reeses Mills, IN. 4 children under age 16. Gunshot wound in right arm at Cow Creek, Kansas.

My relative listed his residence as Reeses Mill. Wait, what? Where the heck is/was Reeses Mill, Indiana? I’m sure it was a place not a location because others in the pension roll listed it as their address too. I found a family tree of one Joseph Reese who was listed as postmaster of...Reeses Mill. But that was in the 1830’s. I know the Bates family farm was near Mechanicsburg, so the Mill was probably along Sugar Creek. My Grandmother was born on that farm...

Hold on, did that say gunshot at Cow Creek, Kansas? I don’t remember a gunshot wound. And what happened at Cow Creek? 

No not that skirmish. 

Fighting Indians along Cow Creek. Ah there it is, a history of the Seventh Iowa Cavalry....

There I find this:

Bates, William E. Age 18. Residence Cleopatra, Mo., nativity Ohio. Enlisted May 12, 1863. Mustered June 19, 1863. Promoted Eighth Corporal March 10, 1864; Sixth Corporal Aug. 23, 1864. Transferred to Company H. Seventh Cavalry Reorganized. 

Cleopatra, MO? How in the heck did he end up in Indiana if he lived in the west at the start of the war...

See, I have historical ADD.

The cool thing is my friend’s great great grandfather and mine probably lived less than 10 miles apart in the late 1800s. They might have known each other. How wonderful is that?

November 12, 2020

Havya Noticed?

Covid cases are soaring  everywhere. During the run-up to the election we got a constant pounding from the media that alluded to a failure on the part of Trump as the reason. Buried, if mentioned at all, was that cases were on the rise globally. That didn’t fit the narrative. Even the dumbest of Democrats wouldn’t believe Orange Man Bad was causing people to be sick in France or Bulgaria, or wherever. 

Now that the media — not the electoral college or state governments — have declared Biden the victor, we are seeing fewer stories blaming Trump for the Covid increases domestically. 

Why is that? It sets the stage for the Big Excuse come early next year. The media will explain that no President can cause nor heal a virus. We just have to ride it out and wait on a vaccine. And taking a page out of the Obama playbook, Biden will just blame it all on Trump if it does come up. He will wait to do that because he has no different answers, despite his claims to the contrary. It worked for Obama on the economy.

Oh, remember when the media scoffed at the President’s claim a vaccine would be ready in November?

Hey, don’t worry. Joe has a plan to cure the pandemic without destroying the economy. He just won’t tell us yet, because I guess credit is more important than saving lives the next three months. He did say if we all wear masks this would go away. 

In my community, 99% of people are wearing masks, and the Wuhan Flu ain’t going away. Of course if the same people who tell us to skip Thanksgiving and stay out of restaurants and close the schools would quit lauding riots and protests where hundreds are gathering without masks, maybe the situation would improve? I’m looking at you Indianapolis.

November 11, 2020

Thank You

Thank you to each of you veterans whose service made and keeps America free.

At eleven minutes of the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, 1918 a ceasefire went into effect marking the end of The Great War/WWI. the destruction and death from the conflagration was so profound that parts ofFrance are still uninhabitable.  

Thank a Veteran today.

November 10, 2020

creeping up on 1066

Today marks yet another September-like day with temperatures in the upper seventies. Like I have over the past four days, I raked the leaves in the front yard. It is a waste of time since the neighbors on either side don’t rake theirs at all so they blow into my yard. So it goes. 

The warm weather is supposed to move out with a cold front later tonight, followed by more seasonal weather. I’m ok with that too. It doesn’t matter if I’m not, does it?

Sorry, this just cracks me up:

I guess they didn’t follow their own rules.

November 9, 2020

All the leaves are brown

Monday, Monday. Another work week is upon us. Yes I’m mixing my Mommas and Pappas today. So it goes. I had Saturday off so I spent the morning doing pretty much nothing, if you call reading and watching TV nothing. Then I got off the couch and cleaned the garage. I raked the leaves in the front yard. I sat on the patio and had a beer and a good cigar in the mild sunshine and Indian summer warmth.  

The yard was completely covered again Sunday afternoon. Sigh.

Sunday, I worked all day. It was very busy and customers were in a surly unpleasant mood. Likely disgruntled over the stolen election, I suppose. 

Hoosiers went to the polls in record numbers this year, with 60%+ voting. That turnout was nothing compared to blue cities in battleground states where turnout topped 90%. You know, where they still can’t figure out how to count. You know, where nearly every vote somehow goes to Biden. You know, where turnout was even higher than for Obama. Who knew minorities supported Basement Joe even more than the first African-American to run for President. But there is nothing fishy there move on, brother, move on. 

That’s the way it is. The courts are never going to intervene and precipitate a civil war and righties are not going to start it without clear and definitive proof the media and politicians will never supply. Suck it up and pray for a Republican victory in the Georgia senatorial runoffs. A gridlocked Congress is a good thing.

Get out your indelible marker and put a big X through the words in the Ninth and Tenth Amendments as Sleepy Joe issues national mask mandates and shuts down the economy. But China won’t mind, those payoffs to the Biden family will get results as China Joe gets rid of the Trump tariffs as a measure to “kick start” the economy. Gotta fill those Walmart shelves after weeks of being stuck at home, people. 

You read it here. 

November 8, 2020

Seeing a man about a horse

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said,“Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

November 7, 2020

when they come acalling

The wife and I have always had this agreement. Should Esther Williams circa 1937 or Catherine Zeta-Jones, or  Elizabeth Montgomery circa 1967 show up at the house exclaiming their need and desire to be with me, the wife will give her hearty consent. Likewise she can have a George Clooney or Thomas Rhett or whomever strikes her fancy these days.

Sorry Catherine Zeta-Jones, but you are out, off the list. Esther, go jump n a lake. Samantha, make yourself disappear. You have all been replaced with my current Hallmark girlfriend:

Lacey Chabert has taken over the number one slot among fantasy celebrity girlfriends.

Running a close second is Autumn Reeser because why not?

November 6, 2020

Recapping the updates

It appears we will have a Sleepy Joe Presidency. 

I think the vote was more a repudiation of Trump than an embrace of the Democratic platform as evidenced by the gains in the house and in State-level governments. The Senate will hinge on the Georgia run-offs and that will clearly give credence to my theory. Or not. 

The good news is we can expect an end to the Wuhan flu as soon as Biden takes office. He has a plan to defat it, he told us so, and exit polls indicate the Corona is the largest issue in voting. Be careful of what you wish for.

Here’s what we can look forward to:

November 4, 2020

Lefties are gonna riot

I see the lefties are protesting and rioting again this evening. Supposedly to make sure every vote is counted. It seems to me that is exactly what is happening. Some votes have been counted last least two or three times to get the “right” results. 

One thing is for sure, 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans are crazy. 

November 3, 2020

Win some, Lose some

After work I drove on past the house a half mile or so to my polling place. There weren’t many cars in the church lot. There was no sign of Proud Boys or Antifa looking to make trouble. No protests. No riots. I moseyed in and there was exactly  one person voting. No line at all. Poll workers outnumbered voters by about five to one. I jumped behind the machine, did my civic duty and was out of there in less than five minutes including showing my ID and digitally signing in.

Thanks to everyone who voted early making my trip to the polls smooth, quick, and easy.

Unfortunately, the lack of an hours-long wait to vote left plenty of time to rake leaves.

It's important to pay good attention to the election signs in the front yards. Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

November 2, 2020

Hitting the home stretch

I’ve retreated to my office with the space heater running. I figure I can get moderately warm in that confined space. The rest of the house is a chilly 52F. I’m looking out the window anxiously awaiting the arrival of the HVAC man. The wife went to the grandgirls to babysit there today. The current inside temperatures are too cold for the girls, especially the 18 month old who refuses to leave on her socks.

Last night was the coldest night of fall so far. The good news is temperatures are expected to moderate this week, reaching back with to the seventies by the weekend. No matter, we have to have a furnace. 

In other news, it seems that in addition to new brakes and tires, the wife’s our car needs a transmission overhaul/replacement. The repair costs are quickly escalating past the value of a 2012 model car with 119,000+ miles. 

Life happens. There is no point in crying about it. I maintain an only slightly wavering faith that things work out like they should. 

Blogging will be sporadic the balance of the week. You will not get your accustomed morning post unless I put one in the can for future publishing. I have the very early shift (5:30AM) every Day Tuesday through Friday. I might post in the afternoon or not. Check back ten or twelve times a day to be sure. 

If you remain unsure how to vote I’m afraid nothing I write will sway you. 

The wife summed it up for me. She said she isn’t voting for Trump. She is voting for the Republicans because the leftist tilt of the Democrats is just too much. Plus, she thinks Harris is a real bitch. And my wife rarely swears. 

November 1, 2020

Saturday Night

 The wife and I were on the couch last night watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. 

There were these most unlikeable characters. They were blue blood, snobby, “your off the rack dress looks nice on you, dear”, crumpets and caviar, “the maid did a wonderful job decorating the tree this year” types. 

The wife adjusted her blanket and stretched her feet towards the space heater and said “I could never stand to be rich and be around stuck-up people like that”.

I looked at her and replied “There’s no f-ing danger of that, Charlotte”.

And that is why we have been married more than 36 years.

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