October 31, 2005
Hoosierboy needs for Ted "Swimmer" Kennedy to try that Chapaquiddick Bridge one more time. This time with Hillary Clinton along for the midnight drive. And we need the water deeper, and Swimmer drunker.
Hoosierboy needs that stupid Arby's oven mitt to erupt into a smoky, smoldering goo of melted cotton and nylon, never to plague the airwaves again. That goes for that damn Travelocity gnome, Quiznos baby, and lizard from the insurance company also.
Hoosierboy needs lots of blog hits, comments, and money. A naked supermodel straddling my face would not be a bad idea either.
Hoosierboy needs a ban on all things Halloween. Come on Parents, what values are you teaching your kids -- looting and begging? No wonder this holiday has grown so much; it is the liberal dream. Give me, give me. Sigh, I know, it has never worked at my house either.
That is what I got when I tried the meme. Do it yourself and see what you get.
We were all disappointed when the boys football team lost in the tournament. Season over. To accost me on the sidelines and tell me that if only we had given the ball to your boy more...well, it is pointless. The game and the season are over. I really tried to walk away from you. To tell me I am a lousy coach, Ok, I can live with that. To bad mouth my kid, is going too far. In order not to make an ass in front of the kids I let you go on. I should have smacked you right in the heart of your half drunk, white trash, inbred mouth. I could have done it. But let us start with some facts:
I ran 6 plays in the last three games that your boy failed to execute. He ran the wrong way, so he did not get the ball. Clearly that is my fault that your kid is so stupid he cannot remember to run three steps to the right then cut back for the ball. It is also my fault that your kid did not even come and get the ball on the sweep. We have only been doing those plays in the league for four fucking years.
It is also my fault that your kid will not block. Thanks for standing little W, and letting a cornerback blitz take our quarterback out of the game because you could not even bother to step in front. You have a bright prospect as matador. Three of the first five plays we ran yesterday were to your boy. He gained exactly negative 6 yards. You are right, I should have run him more.
Thanks for all of your help with the team Mr. W. What I find most enlightening is your criticism. I have given up 2 hour s a day three to six days a week for the last 12 weeks to coach your son. You have volunteered exactly ZERO hours, minutes or seconds. Saturday, when they were begging for parents to run the yard markers I noticed you did not step up. Great job telling me off, when you will not give up a minute. Know more than me? You might, why don't you put that Monday morning quarterback sense to work. I am sure the Colts missed out when they did not call you. To think, they gave that dream job to that chump Tony Dungy when you were available.
I have been volunteering to lead and coach kids for more than 20 years, long before I had children of my own. Am I the best at it? Maybe not. But until you are willing to step up and help, quit criticizing those that do. Sit down, take the dick out of your mouth and shut the fuck up.
October 29, 2005
October 28, 2005
1. Five things I plan to do before I die:
A. have grandchildren
B. say I sorry and make amends
E. buy a motorcycle
2. Five things I can do:
A. start a fire three ways without matches
B. throw a knuckleball
C. carry on a conversation
D. play Euchre
E. tell jokes from memory
3. Five things I can’t do:
A. ice skate
B. snow ski
C. tolerate stupidity
D. understand liberals
E. walk away from an argument (but I am getting better)
4. Five things that attract me to the opposite sex:
5. Five things I say most often:
C. Oh come on
D. Dear Lord...
E. G**Damn it
6. Five celebrity crushes:
A. none really
7. Five people I want to do this:
come on volunteer
Well, in that case, go read this guy's post, he says it much more eloquently than I did and he is right. Difster is an alright dude.
October 27, 2005
Now is the time to nominate the literal, conservative judge we elected GW to nominate. Do you think Kerry would have thought twice about nominating the most liberal, international law citing asshat he could find? Swimmer Kennedy would be up for nomination as Chief Justice and The Grand Wizard Byrd would be replacing O'Connor. It is time to tell the Republicans in the Senate to step up and do the country's business. If I were Bush, I would have every Republican in to the office and lay out the law. The American people elected the Republicans to give us smaller government, responsible spending, a Supreme Court that follows the Constitution. The People did not elect Republicans to make friends with Democrats, to compromise, to spend like a drunken sailor on leave.
Did the Donks roll back their socialist agenda in the 50 plus years they controlled Congress? Why should we? You were placed there to do a job. When are we going to get serious about immigration? Why are we supporting the Palestinian Authority. They are harboring and encouraging terrorists. I thought GW laid out the Bush Doctrine that said we would seek out and destroy terrorists and the countries that harbor them. Put Syria on notice. Tell Iran to get their shit in a sock. Tell the PA that not only are we going to kick their ass if they do not clean up their own human garbage, but we will let Israel help. Lebanon -- same thing. North Korea, STFU, play by international rules or starve. Marx said the proletariat would always turn to revolution when their conditions were bad enough. the people will get rid of Kim in time.
Face it GW, the press, the Democrats, the Hollywood liberals are always going to hate you. You are marked in history just like Clinton. Do not go down trying to kiss the liberal ass. Stand up for what got you elected, Conservatism. Reagan did it and he will be listed as one of the greatest Presidents in history. Do not fold. We have been waiting 5 years for you to stand up and be strong. Now is the time.
October 26, 2005
The sad fact is that these people are out there. They are working and living and VOTING in your community. They are your neighbors. They think Hitler is paying them to do the ironing. They think they have to line the bed in foil to prevent perverted aliens from filming them having sex. These people believe that the Government is hiding aliens in Nevada (imagine, a race smart enough to get to Earth from the far reaches of this or another galaxy, but are incapable from escaping from Area 51).
These people believe that Bush lied about WMDs in Iraq (even though these mysterious WMDs were the basis for an attack by Slick Willie during the Lewinsky thing. These lunatic people believe that the White House "leaked" the name of a CIA Operative, who never left her desk, who was named as a CIA officer in public documents years before her husband lied about a trip to Africa. These people believe that Bush "stole" not one, but two elections. They believe a sitting President knew about an attack on the US and did nothing to prevent it.
I was listening to the end of an interview with David Horowitz at lunch. He verbalized something I have thought for quite some time. Why is it when a conservative discusses ideology and position with a leftist, we look at their ideas as misguided, loony, pie in the sky. We try to point out that most of their ideas have been tried and failed. We posit their arguments as I have above, irrational, delusional, misguided, wrong, yet good intentioned. When the opposition describes a conservative it is always in terms of evil. We want to starve old people and the homeless. We want to destroy the environment. We wage war for profit and oil. We are killing people just to make war. Rove is Evil. Bush is Hitler. Never mind that in scope of socialist ideology Kerry and Gore are both the close cousin of the NAZI party, the communists of the USSR and the Khmer Rouge. Still, I would never call them Nazis, or mass murders. Do the liberals really think Conservatives want dirty air and water? Do you believe we have so little compassion for the fellow man we would like him to starve? In some of my electronic conversations with leftist (like Moonbatty or Breezy) they are shocked we believe in many of the same basic principles, we only disagree on the means to get there. A liberal believes that government is the answer to problems, I believe we should help ourselves. Does that make me evil?
I think there is a secret stash of lead paint, and most of the DU eats lead paint chips for a snack while they watch PBS in the evening. My only question, is do you eat salsa or dip with lead paint chips?
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"
I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back...
"WOULD THE ASS HOLE WITH THE MICROPHONE AND THE PA SYSTEM KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT?"
--from my brother
October 25, 2005
I will seek and find you . . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when
I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!
from my brother
I have to wonder, if Rosa and Malcom X, and the Reverend King would be happy about the turn the civil rights cause has taken. Was it their idea that leaders like Jackson and Sharpton have become little more than shakedown artists and race baiters?
Rest in Peace, Mrs. Parks, your seat is secure in Heaven.
October 24, 2005
I miss the liner notes. I miss the insert with a poster or pictures of the artist you could sometimes find.
I miss the fact that you could actually open an album without a knife, chainsaw, bolt cutters, machete, bleeding fingers and a lot of swearing. Does anyone else hate the white label they use to seal the CD shut? Sometimes there are two of them. I bought a new CD Saturday.* I thought I would listen to it at lunch. Of course, it took me a significant portion of my lunch hour to try and get the stupid label off. As usual, it came off in little pieces. The edges were sealed down with the mystery glue that will not release to fingernail or knife pressure. I suggest they use that shit to seal down the tiles on the space shuttle and we would not be redesigning our space vehicle.
Am I the only idiot who has problems with the labels on CDs and DVDs?
*Neil Young's Greatest Hits (I wanted the new Rhino Yes live compilation, but I was unwilling to spend $49.00. Are you reading this Santa?)
October 23, 2005
About all that is going on is football. I am sure none of you find that subject interesting. The all star team is winless through three games. The little one has been hit, sacked, rushed, hurried, and hit some more by a line that suddenly resembles a picket fence with huge gaps. He now feels like Houston's David Carr. When your basic smash is thrown for a loss, EVERY TIME, you know it is a long day. The backs spent most of yesterday being crushed by 2-3 defenders in the backfield. The line problem is not lack of will, or effort -- it is execution. Once the little one was hit by 5 defenders at once. He sat up looked at the linemen and shouted "Would someone please block?" His momma raised him to be polite. He is covered in bruises.
So, in desperation I will share another joke from my dad. This is for you science types out there::
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
October 21, 2005
I received this joke in an email from my dad:
Thought you'd like this.
Subject: Dear Dad
A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS
NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT
WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD." WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE
AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE
WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH
ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT
ONLY THE PASSION DAD D, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL
BE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER
EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T CARE FOR HER, AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE
ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE
WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW
ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE
GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE
COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL
FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!
DON'T WORRY DAD; I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF
MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR
PS DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT
CARD THAT'S IN MY DES K, CENTER DRAWER.
I LOVE YOU!
CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.
October 20, 2005
I have even more scorn for Marcus Camby and that paragon of public image, Allen Iverson. They both claim that if the NBA wants them to dress differently, the NBA should give them a clothing stipend. Take it from someone who makes significantly less than 1% of your pay, Iverson, you get no sympathy here. Not only do I have to wear the now prescribed business casual clothing I also have to wear a suit and tie on occasion. It is part of the image my employer demands and expects. He wants me to look professional. It may be more my style and personal image to wear jeans and a Nike T-shirt, but that will not send the image my company wants me to project. To add shock upon awe to you NBA thugs, I PAY FOR MY OWN CLOTHING. Yes, I spring for the Dockers and golf shirt. I buy the suit, the tie, the wing tips myself. I know it will be hard for clean-cut all American NBA ballers like Spreewell to manage (he just wants to feed his family), but you can get a pair of Dockers for less than $40. You can get a suit at Penney's or Sears for just over $100. A decent suit will cost about $400-500. Of course I am aware most of you need the big and tall stuff, but you can still get a tailor made suit for less than $1000.
Poor Allen, how will you afford to buy a new set of clothes? Based on your latest 4 year contract you will make more than $76 million. That equates to about $3,897 per minute of playing time. I think you can contribute about 20 seconds of pay to buy five new pairs of pants, and a half dozen shirts.
Get over it.
I discussed this is much harsher terms on this post. Many do not realize that these same costs and increases have an effect on businesses. As gas prices increase it costs more to ship goods. The trucking companies can only absorb a small portion of this cost. Heating bills hurt factories and office buildings. My rent was increased last year on my office to offset the cost in heating fuel. The bottom line this eats into business profits. If a business makes less profit -- they pay less in raises.
I have not seen a raise in four years. I have a choice, I can get another job, or lump it. It is unconscionable for the government to be giving raises, with my money, that exceed, by a significant amount, the rate of inflation. Social Security is already on teetering solvency and giving more away will only exacerbate the problem. It is just a further example of those in office doing all they can to buy votes for the next election. Now Democrats and Republicans alike can suck up to the ever increasing retirees from the baby boom generation. And for those of you who will respond "I deserve it, I worked hard my whole life", I say to you -- what do you think I am doing?
Short of a person who works on commission, all working men and women are on fixed incomes. Most businesses have become very parsimonious when it comes to raises. One industry report I read recently stated the average increase in pay last year was 2%. For most of my customers, contacts, and friends, the days of 5 or 7% raises are far in the past. I think we would all like a 4% raise.
Again, I can only say, fixed income my ass.
What will this mean for an oriole team that was powerful in the first half of the season?
October 19, 2005
You scored 74 Wisdom, 79 Tactics, 65 Guts, and 51 Ruthlessness!
|Like William Wallace, chances are you have no problem charging a larger, better trained, better equipped, better armed and armored English army with a band of naked drunken Scotsmen. I'm not contesting that you have balls. It's your brain function I'm worried about. |
Scottish soldier and national hero. The first historical record of Wallace's activities concerns the burning of Lanark by Wallace and 30 men in May, 1297, and the slaying of the English sheriff, one of those whom Edward I of England had installed in his attempt to make good his claim to overlordship of Scotland. After the burning of Lanark many joined Wallace's forces, and under his leadership a disciplined army was evolved. Wallace marched on Scone and met an English force of more than 50,000 before Stirling Castle in Sept., 1297. The English, trying to cross a narrow bridge over the Forth River, were killed as they crossed, and their army was routed. Wallace crossed the border and laid waste several counties in the North of England. In December he returned to Scotland and for a short time acted as guardian of the realm for the imprisoned king, John de Baliol . In July, 1298, Edward defeated Wallace and his army at Falkirk, and forced him to retreat northward. His prestige lost, Wallace went to France in 1299 to seek the aid of King Philip IV, and he possibly went on to Rome. He is heard of again fighting in Scotland in 1304, but there was a price on his head, and in 1305 he was captured by Sir John de Menteith. He was taken to London in Aug., 1305, declared guilty of treason, and executed. The best-known source for the life of Wallace is a long romantic poem attributed to Blind Harry, written in the 15th century.
|My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|Link: The Which Historic General Are You Test written by dasnyds on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test|
October 18, 2005
The State with the highest violent crime rate was South Carolina at 784. The lowest was North Dakota at 79 per 100,000. The area with the highest violent crime rate by a 75% higher margin was Washington DC, at a whopping 1,371 violent crimes per 100,000 inhabitants.
I guess the liberal mayor and strong anti-gun policies are quite effective in our Nation's Capital. Good thing the theft by our elected representatives does not count.
Please go read these new additions:
Queenie -- one of the first links I posted. I knew as soon as I took her off she would be back
James Old Guy -- I like his outlook plus he is a former Hoosier from a beatiful town
Back home again -- a fellow Hoosier
american kernel -- ie Katies dad, a former Hoosier, and good conservative.
ed: also Rightwingnation he is also a formaer Hooiser
I guess that means it is a day for Hoosier additions to Fat in Indiana
They were rocked on their heels early, but like a true heavyweight they survived the challenger's best punches in round one and came back to knock out the Rams.
Houston is next, a team giving up record numbers of sacks of poor David Carr. Think the Colts might get a half dozen more next week?
October 17, 2005
Join with me in encouraging this fine man and blogger to pay up.
I like straight strips mowed into my yard. One week I go North and South, the next East and West. On occasion, I mow diagonal strips, but in every case I like them perfectly straight. I have been know to go back and mow over parts that are crooked. I usually lay down my mows as if there were a chalk line, but yesterday as I made my turn, it looked like a drunk monkey had mowed the back yard.
Sometimes I really worry about myself. I think that there might be something wrong with me. I have previously related that I hear music in my head -- ALL THE TIME. I am confident this is not normal. I am equally confident getting pissed because I mowed the yard crooked is also a little weird.
Then there is the clock thing. I am unable to close my eyes if the numbers on the clock next to the bed are in a pattern. 1:23 No way. 12:05, Nope. 10:00 never. I have real problems at 12:10 through 12:15. Only 12:14 is acceptable sleep time. I cannot set an alarm for an even "00" or "05". I have to set it for 5:59, not 6:00.
I know, this is borderline O/C behavior. Am I off my rocker, or do you have similar superstitions, habits and weird idiosyncrasies?
October 16, 2005
The bears fumble the opening kickoff to give the broncos first and ten at the 16. The broncos have a huge line with a very good quarterback and running back. The bears stuff them on the first three plays. The hits could be heard in the stands. Remember, these are 11 and 12 year olds! On third and four, the broncos try a pass. The safety, the same boy who fumbled the kick, is called for pass interference. It is now first and goal. The broncos send the running back up the middle he is stripped of the ball. Bears recover. On the second play from scrimmage the QB is sacked -- safety. My mighty bears are down 2-0. After the kick both teams trade punts. End of the quarter.
The broncos pin the bears back on their own 12 yard line early in the second quarter. The QB for the bears, hoosierboy jr., hands the ball to the running back, he goes two steps and fumbles! The broncos have the ball on the bears 8 yard line. The broncos try a quick pass to the left and it is intercepted! My bears move the ball forward to about the 20, then are forced to punt. The little one (my boy) blows his assignment and the broncos run it in for a touchdown. After the two point conversion we are down 10-0.
The bears begin to methodically pound the ball upfield. We break a big reverse and the wing back breaks free for a long touchdown run, score is now 10-6. The extra point is missed. That is the score as we move to halftime. I explain to the boys we are still OK. We have given them the 10 points. We have a whole half to go.
The second half is more of the same. The broncos coach makes a big defensive mistake. He has two very good defensive linemen. Both are nearly unstoppable. They have credit for nearly every tackle. In the first half he has them split right and left. We could not move the ball. Now for some reason he places them together on the right side of his line: I guess to stop the sweep we had to get a touchdown to that side. Now we just run to the right, faking occasionally to the left. We finally begin to move the ball. Our big center, the heart and sole of the offensive line is hurt. He refuses to go out of the game. I can hear him actually growling on the line. We pound the ball, finally breaking free on a sweep to score again. We get the PAT, 13-10. That is the end of the 3rd Quarter.
The final quarter is a mirror of the third. The bears defense gets stronger. Our speed begins to take it toll on the big line of the broncos. We force a few more punts. The bears pound the ball, mixing in a bootleg, and a few sweeps. The bears score again. 19-10. With one minute to go the broncos are again threatening. The clock is the enemy. There is little chance they can score twice in that time. With 4th and long the bears defense throws them for a loss of ten. My mighty bears take a knee to end the game victorious and undefeated.
|You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)|
You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.
October 15, 2005
Today is my little one's last regular season football game. We are undefeated so far. We play again the Broncos. You might remember we played them a few weeks ago and won a tough overtime game when my boy executed a perfect fake smash and quarterback bootleg to win the game. The Broncos have only one loss, and are out for revenge. We will either win the league outright or share the title based on tonight's game. The kids are really pumped as it is the last game, the championship is on the line, and they get to play under the lights!
The little one made the football all-star team. It looks like he will be the starting quarterback, but the competition for all the positions will be tight. We are getting ready for an intense period where this team will play 5 games in 6 days in preparation for a big tourney the last week of the month. The games will serve as practice. I am a little concerned this is too much, especially for the linemen who take a beating on every play. If you are interested, let me know in the comments and I will keep you posted on the success or failure of this team. The boy has a great deal of experience playing in the all-star environment as he has played on baseball All-stars for a number of years. This is the first time there has been a travel or all-star team in football.
For those of you who were concerned that my Friday was a bad day based on the post yesterday detailing my wrong number call, note I found the whole conversation hilarious. That should give you an idea of my twisted sense of humor.
Have a good Saturday.
October 14, 2005
You can contact us at the following email address:
Remove the leading ** from the email address when you do contact us - we put them there so we won't get bombarded with even more spam from those who routinely scan the internet for email addresses.
That, my friends, is an actual definition of irony. Spammers do not want to be spammed.
I received the following phone call this morning:
HB: Good morning, Acme Inc., this is Hoosierboy.
Caller: Mary Smith please (I cannot remember the real name he asked for)
HB: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number.
Caller: This is 555-5555 right?
HB: Yes, but there is no one here by that name. (I should point out that I am the only person at this location)
Caller: She used to be called Mary Jones.
HB: yes sir, you have the wrong number. That person is not here, this is a business.
Caller: G*d damn it, I know it is a business. You are located at 123 any street. Let me talk to Mary.
HB: Sir, there is no such person here, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah you could start by hiring someone who can do customer service.
HB: I am sorry you feel that way, I CAN help you, but there is no Mary here.
Caller: F**ck you. hangs up
I think this is going to be a weird day.
October 13, 2005
The foreign-born population of this country must be an Americanized population – no other kind can fight the battles of America either in war or peace. It must talk the language of its native-born fellow-citizens, it must possess American citizenship and American ideals. It must stand firm by its oath of allegiance in word and deed and must show that in very fact it has renounced allegiance to every prince, potentate, or foreign government. It must be maintained on an American standard of living so as to prevent labor disturbances in important plants and at critical times. None of these objects can be secured as long as we have immigrant colonies, ghettos, and immigrant sections, and above all they cannot be assured so long as we consider the immigrant only as an industrial asset. The immigrant must not be allowed to drift or to be put at the mercy of the exploiter. Our object is to not to imitate one of the older racial types, but to maintain a new American type and then to secure loyalty to this type. We cannot secure such loyalty unless we make this a country where men shall feel that they have justice and also where they shall feel that they are required to perform the duties imposed upon them. The policy of “Let alone” which we have hitherto pursued is thoroughly vicious from two stand-points. By this policy we have permitted the immigrants, and too often the native-born laborers as well, to suffer injustice. Moreover, by this policy we have failed to impress upon the immigrant and upon the native-born as well that they are expected to do justice as well as to receive justice, that they are expected to be heartily and actively and single-mindedly loyal to the flag no less than to benefit by living under it.
We cannot afford to continue to use hundreds of thousands of immigrants merely as industrial assets while they remain social outcasts and menaces...We cannot afford the low wage rates and the merely seasonal industries which mean the sacrifice of both individual and family life and morals to the industrial machinery. We cannot afford to leave American mines, munitions plants, and general resources in the hands of alien workmen, alien to America...We cannot afford to run the risk of having in time of war men working on our railways or working in our munition plants who would in the name of duty to their own foreign countries bring destruction to us. What would be done to us in the name of war if these things are done to us in the name of neutrality?
All of us, no matter from what land our parents came, no matter in what way we may severally worship our Creator, must stand shoulder to shoulder in a united America for the elimination of race and religious prejudice. We must stand for a reign of equal justice to both big and small. We must insist on the maintenance of the American standard of living. We must stand for an adequate national control which shall secure a better training of our young men in time of peace, both for the work of peace and for the work of war. We must direct every national resource, material and spiritual, to the task not of shirking difficulties, but of training our people to overcome difficulties. Our aim must be, not to make life easy and soft, not to soften soul and body, but to fit us in virile fashion to do a great work for all mankind. This great work can only be done by a mighty democracy, with these qualities of soul, guided by those qualities of mind, which will both make it refuse to do injustice to any other nation, and also enable it to hold its own against aggression by any other nation. In our relations with the outside world, we must abhor wrongdoing, and disdain to commit it, and we must no less disdain the baseness of spirit which lamely submits to wrongdoing. Finally and most important of all, we must strive for the establishment within our own borders of that stern and lofty standard of personal and public neutrality which shall guarantee to each man his rights, and which shall insist in return upon the full performance by each man of his duties both to his neighbor and to the great nation whose flag must symbolize in the future as it has symbolized in the past the highest hopes of all mankind.
Perfectly stated isn't it? Would you vote for this guy? This excerpted text is from a speech by Theodore Roosevelt on October 12, 1915 to the Knights of Columbus. Some things never change
Like most boys, we found an "out". I can say to this day I never rode my bike across the highway. We went to the nearest stoplight and walked the bike across. Then we got on and rode as fast as possible out of sight, lest someone snitch to Mom we were across the highway. While we knew we did not break the rule, we were smart enough to know we might be bending it a lot!
By most standards the creek was not much: ten to fifteen feet wide, inches to a couple of feet deep in most places. On a hot summer day it was cool and wet and refreshing. The fact that we were not supposed to play there probably made it better. At one spot there was a rope that you could swing over a "deep" spot where the water was maybe three feet deep. We would wade up and down the creek through the back yards of the rich people who lived along the banks. We would throw sticks in the little ripples and rapids, only to find them as the water eddied in the slower, deeper spots. At one point there was a small whirlpool.
After wading the creek up and down we would head back for our bikes. We would have to pick the leeches from our toes and legs. The ride home was full of spirit as we popped wheelies and raced each other. Sometimes we would stop for a Coke, or to smash the Twinkies at the grocery store. Maybe we would find some old bottles beside the street, we would cash them in for the three pennies.
Finally, dirty and exhausted we made the way home, always walking our bikes across the highway.
October 12, 2005
A minister was seated next to a hillbilly on a flight across the country. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The hillbilly asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch these lips."
The hillbilly then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Me too! I didn't know we had a choice."
I LIKE Spam. No, not the kind from Lexie or anonymous. Not the dog clothing or asparargus spam I have been getting whacked with in my archives.
side note: Can someone please explain the marketing position behind spamming old posts? Wouldn't you want to hit the posts most likely to be read?
No, I like Spam, the processed pork product in a can. I prefer it fried, like I had for lunch today. Yes, two fried Spam sandwiches with mustard were on the menu at HB's house. I topped the meal with a Dr Pepper, if you have to know the details.
I like spam diced up with tomato and onion in scrambled eggs. I have even eaten it diced on a salad and grilled on the BBQ. I once baked a whole can of Spam laced with cloves, just like a quality ham. It wasn't bad.
Yes, Sam I am, I will eat Spam. Will you? With fox, in a box? In the rain or on a train? Will you, will you, eat spam, Sam I am?
October 11, 2005
October 10, 2005
The first comes from Bane and his discussion of writing. Bane tells us you have to like your writing for it to be good. I think he is correct. I once fancied myself a good writer. Recently I went back and read through some of my old notebooks of writings and short stories I have composed during my life. Some of it is quite good. I have reread some of my early posts on this blog, and I also think they are decent pieces of writing. Lately, I have not been composing my thoughts in a way that spins mental poetry on the paper, as such. I have not used the language to paint pictures, to frame beautiful arguments, to leave you spellbound in my story. In other words, I do not like my writing on this blog of late. Ergo sum, whatever, it is just not very good.
The second piece is from the waiterrant blog. The man is a true storyteller, he writes with grace and efficiency. His kind soul and feeling for life is felt in every entry, yet underneath there is always a sadness to his tale. In the linked entry, the Waiter talks about the demons in his life, the aloneness that influences his writing.
I think, on a different level I too am suffering, beset by my own demons. Most are self created. I feel alone, fighting the storms that threatened to swallow my soul. Some days I feel powerless to cope, unable to go on. I think I am on a slippery rock, my toes keeping a tenuous hold as the flood water rages around me , occasional waves sweeping up my legs. I slip, I totter, but somehow manage to stay on top. I think maybe the next wave will knock me down, to be swept away to nothingness.
Do you ever feel that life has slipped away? Maybe it is the beginning of midlife crisis. Some days I feel my love is unrequited. Does my wife stay with me only because the idea of being alone is too difficult? Am I just a paycheck? That is the impression I get sometimes. I know I am harsh, unpleasant, my comments laced with sarcasm on occasion. It is often joked that it is good I am not a doctor, I have no patience. Regarding me, my daughter is indifferent, my son angry, the little one attached to comfort, hates change. Has my sole contribution to the legacy of my family become "turn off the lights", "you need to be studying", and "turn down that music"? How do I impart life's lessons and wisdom when I do not have any of the answers my self? I need a writer. Steve Douglas on My Three Sons always has the answer. TV teenagers are never filled with angst, angry at the world. TV Dads always know how to handle the situation without yelling and getting mad. Am I wrong, incompetent, a bad parent? I do not think so, but I often feel a failure, in life, work and love.
On one level I know they love me, yet my heart argues with my intellect. I feel the weight of Atlas' burden some days; work, debt, and responsibility weighing me down until the constant pain in my knees and elbows and shoulders is a regular part of life. You see, when we are young, we have dreams, we have plans, we have a vision. Never does that dream include being incredibly average. Our vision does not include bills, mortgages, the cost of education. We do not dream of mowing the yard, cleaning the bathroom, deciding what to eat. We do not have visions of toiling away in obscurity, doing your best, waiting on that raise or promotion you know will never come. As youth, we think we will make a difference in the world. As we become cynical adults, we realize we are insignificant, meaningless. As youth, we do not see the unfairness in the workplace, the cronyism. Only too late do you remember that you were once told that "if it was supposed to be fun they would not call it work, and they would certainly not pay you for it". As children we imagine fast cars, big houses, exotic vacation. As adults we know we have to pay for these luxuries. Most of us can't.
I am aware I am whining. Sorry, maybe it is the weather. I take pride in my work, in being a dad and a husband. I give all my best effort. Today, it is the thought that on some days, my best effort is not good enough. That weighs me down. There are many less well off than I. Make no mistake, I have plenty to be thankful for. But the demons, the blues, or, as my favorite fictional character called them, "the mean reds" still come.
I used to fight these demons with alcohol, occasionally drugs. Now I have no desire to numb the problems, the demons. Once I turned to prayer. Now I just want the demons to go away. One day of carefree life, no worries, no problems, pure happiness -- that is my new dream. I want laughter, sex, sunshine, a day without drama. I want to write like Hemingway, to sing like Stephen Stills. To just be someone else. I fear it is as unrealistic a desire as the dreams of a schoolboy many years ago.
So what do I do? I write a post. I prepare for tomorrow's business meeting. I will go to football practice. I will eat. I will hug my kids, tell them I love them. Maybe I'll flirt with my wife, hope for some action later. I will watch some TV, go to bed. I will get up tomorrow, thank God for my blessings and begin the fight again. A new man in an old body, watching the demons in the corner.
One in particular was so stupid, so weird, I have to copy it here (minus the link, I will not help them spam):
Have you ever seen Asparagus this BIG
They grow up to 15in long and 2in wide.
fresh asparagus recipe
Does anyone actually have that much interest in asparagus? I have enjoyed white and green asparagus, fresh and canned. I had it in Germany, fresh from the field. But is asparagus so good that you not only create a blog, but spam other blogs to get a visit?
And to think that bitch Lexie the spammer wanted to know what was up with MY weird posts.
October 9, 2005
This new scam is being pulled, mainly on older men.
What happens is that when the intended victim stops for a red light, a completely nude and good looking, nicely tanned, unbelievably well enhanced young woman comes up.
Stretching across, she pretends to wash your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens the back door of your car, taking anything you have in the car. They are very good at this.
They got me 7 times Friday.
Five times Saturday.
I couldn't find them today.
October 8, 2005
Thank you to all who stopped by during my absence, except you Lexie, you bitch. I hope you get a massive tapeworm and suffer stomach cramps and diarrhea the rest of your miserable parasitic life. And the same for the rest of you maggot eating toenail sucking puss-licking spammers. I hope you get carpal tunnel and are unable to masturbate to Russian whores giving blow jobs to dogs as you watch helplessly in your mother's basement. I will delete the spam later this weekend.
Here are few random thoughts:
You have not seen entertainment until you watch Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzolez in Italian.
USairways used to be a good airline -- now they just suck, especially out of Philly. I spent almost 7 hours in delays due to their incompetence this week. It was topped by riding the plane to the taxiway last night, where they shut down the engines and left us sitting for 2-1/2 hours last night. They did this to free up a gate and make sure the next flight left on time.
Most Italian beer, especially Morelli, is not very good.
I have got to learn some Italian.
When you fly over the ocean, the deep blue above, the clouds then more deep blue below gives you a strange "upside down" feeling.
After traveling for 23-1/2 hours, being up for 27 hours, you would have thought I could sleep last night.
Yes, the little one won his football game on Wednesday night. They play later today.
October 3, 2005
It looks like I may be forced to turn on the stupid comment screener where you have to type in letters and numbers to comment. I hate doing that, but the spammers are hitting me. They are commenting in my archives, I am not sure of the purpose, but they are spammers, not geniuses.
While I am gone, check out this blog. He is a great writer and thinker. I think he is a definite candidate for the Hoosier Blog Alliance. Read those guys while I am gone also.
See you Saturday or Sunday with an update on my little one's football team, I hope they will still be undefeated while I am gone, or else a couple of assistant coaches will have to answer!
This is an open letter to express my disappointment. I originally was going to write in regard to your pick to replace O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Apparently you felt the need to replace a piss poor Justice with one who has even less credentials. I guess it was not too much to ask that you find a candidate who does not actually CONTRIBUTE to the Democrat Party, and Al Gore. I guess a record of conservative, Constitutional judgments in important cases is too much to ask. I guess NOT picking from a list of approved judges offered from Harry Reid and the Democrat Party is out of the question.
I have voted virtually a straight ticket for almost 25 years. In the last 12 years I have voted for exactly one Democrat. It was my neighbor who was running for coroner. I guess you could say I have been loyal. I have donated modest sums to the party and candidates. I am sure I am not alone when I say to you, Republican Party, WAKE UP. Just 10 years ago you offered hope to middle America with the Contract for America. Despite Democrat and Liberal spin, this declaration ushered you to power. Now you have squandered that largesse.
I am sick of you spending my money like a lotto winner in Tijuana. You promised to reduce government, in size, scope, intrusiveness, and spending. It is bigger in every facet. Corruption reigns at every level. You have expanded the Education Department, not eliminated it as we hoped. The EPA continues to regulate with impunity. You have Federalized airport screeners, making air travel worse, not more efficient and safer. You have refused to replace the Sec of Transportation, who is more concerned with political correctness instead of stopping terrorists. I repeat myself, but wake up, Arab males between 18 and 40 are blowing up stuff, not old ladies. It is not profiling to look for the people actually doing the crimes. If a white male around 20 years old committed a crime would you have officers stop people at random to search for the suspect?
You continue to fund the NEA and Public Broadcasting. You refuse to address the huge problem of illegals in this country. Instead of stopping the problem you ridicule citizens who try to make a difference and want to give amnesty to those who break the law. You offer unprecedented aid to hurricane victims and the families of 9/11. Yet you do not remember that it is my money you are so free with. Republican senators and representatives insert huge pork measures in bills, becoming clones of the Democrats they replaced.
Mr. Bush, I voted for you in the last election for four reasons:
1. Kerry was a joke, I would rather not vote than choose him
2. The war on terror
3. The chance to put strict Constitutionalist judges on the SCOTUS
4. A hope that this time around you would opt for fiscal conservative measures, as you would be a lame duck president.
I think the relentless pressure of the press and liberal media has gotten to you. You are a coward like your father. He gave in on taxes in a misguided idea that that would make the press like him. You have done the same. You have promised huge sums of money to social programs, you have not sought corresponding cuts in the budget to pay for it. You have not relentlessly pursued the war on terror against Syria, Hamas, Iran and North Korea. What happened to the "Bush Doctrine"? You have not chosen the strict Constitutionalist judges we had hoped for.
President Bush, Republican Party, I am more than disappointed. I am sick. I feel betrayed. I do not know what I will do next election, but you should look around and see I am not alone. Do not be surprised when massive apathy elects the opposition. At least the Democrats are true to their word, they have always claimed they are for big government and high taxation. You just lie.
Like a jilted lover I am not sure how many more times I will stand for you cheating on me. You better be coming around on your knees begging for forgiveness. Roses are nice, but I would rather see concrete proof you have changed your ways. Maybe a new contract is in order?
October 1, 2005
I used to work for a company that had its headquarters in upstate New York. Nestled between the Berkshires and the Catskills in the Hudson valley, the small town atmosphere was enticing. The town was located a couple hours north of New York City. The area was a magnet for what the locals called "citiots" who came to hunt every fall. Here is the tale as he told me:
Every year the citiots (city + idiots) would come to hunt. It is now so dangerous locals go to Pennsylvania or New Hampshire to hunt. Those idiots will shoot at anything. Every year at least one guy gets shot by fellow hunters. I was standing at the convenience store last year when this car pulls up. A guy decked out in Eddie Bauer gear and an orange hat jumps out. I noticed he a large animal tied across his hood. "Good hunting?" I asked.
"Isn't she a beaut?" he replied. I nodded laughing.
You see, he had a large dog tied down on his hood. This idiot did not know the difference between a deer and a wolfhound!. That is why I do not hunt anymore. Any idiot can get a hunting permit!
I am sure you will agree this is proof why women live longer than men.