March 30, 2019

Jumped in bed, bumped his head

It is raining. It is a steady, ground-soaking event. No thunder or strong winds. It is a classic spring rain.

I came back from a trip to central Michigan earlier in the week. The wife was out and about and called to tell me she would pick me up for dinner. I walked around the house in the moderate spring weather. The leaves are budding on the maple out front. The tulips and daffodils and lillys have poked through the cold soil. Spring has indeed come to Hoosierdom. My backyard is a mess. The big willow has dumped enough wood and twigs to build a mansion for the carpenter little pig. The yard work I didn't do last summer is even more evident after a fairly hard winter.

I just deleted several paragraphs of politics. You are welcome.

It is Saturday. I'm in a mellow mood and don't want the actions of the Levelers to ruin my good karma.

I hope you have a great weekend. The wife and I are headed on a Spring Break road trip. No posts until next week.

You will be OK.

March 29, 2019

Friday Fantasies

Baseball is back and the Cubs won on Opening Day. Woot and whoopee.

I'm on vacation today. Big Things are in the works. I'm taking the car to get an oil change. I may get a haircut this afternoon. I know, you look at my life and wish you were me.

I had 8 hours of "personal time" accrued from last year that had to be used by the end of March. So here we are.

Hold a sec, my coffee cup is empty...

My blogoversary was sometime last week. I'm somewhat surprised it passed without comment. I guess you are saving your congrats for the big party with the cake and dancing girls and sparklers and confetti. Party hats are optional. But hey, do not let me dictate the details of my own surprise party.*

This collection of ....words began in the heady days of 2005 when blogging was at the peak and already becoming not cool. Those were the days before Facebook and blogging was just a rung on the ladder of what has become "social media". I suspect the day is not far off when blogging is as passé and caput as My Space. I remain one of the last 6,734 people on Earth who does not have and never has had a Facebook account. Ditto twitter, instagram, or whatever the cool kids are doing these days.

I guess you say I went from being somewhat on the forefront of social media to a dinosaur.

In my normal long-winded way I'm saying I'm still sort of participating and I thank you for your patronage. I don't know why you stop by, but I appreciate every one of you for reading and commenting; even, nay especially, those who disagree with me.

Diagram that sentence bitches.

Have a great Friday.

* or dancing guys if that satisfies your need to be inclusive. Damn the patriarchy anyway.

March 26, 2019

A Required Reckoning

I guess rolling around in the slime that is politics just erases any sense of morality. Perhaps it is that people who go into politics lack a basic lack of decency to start with. I don't know: chicken meet egg. Most people faced with incontrovertible facts would mutter an inaudible mea culpa and move on. The Anti-Trumpers intend on doubling down. Investigate More! is the modern political playbook. Schiff and a couple of others have claimed to see incontrovertible evidence of Trump wrongdoing. Now is the time to show the cards or shut the hell up and get on with spending the People's money with frivolous "shovel ready"  infrastructure projects.

In any case, many of us learn that the Trump collusion narrative was akin to aliens in Roswell and ponder just how it got that far? We seriously wonder why no one has taken Clapper and Brennan and applied a dose of hot tar and a bag of feathers before plopping them naked on a rail and bouncing them in an ass-tearing ball smashing ride out of Washington, never to pander their lies on TV again?

Why isn't there a used Amazon box waiting on the desks of a dozen reporters at various media outlets so they can pack their personal shit on the way out the door, fired for lying, incompetence, and general hackery? Why is Rachel Maddow still getting a paycheck? She should be off interviewing old rock stars like Dan Rather, never trusted to even accurately report on the deliberations of the city council.

Mostly, why isn't the HR group at the Justice Department burning the midnight oil printing pink slips and severance packages for the plethora of people who instigated a bogus investigation in the name of getting their preferred candidate elected?

Let me help. Who initiated the warrant on Carter Page and who authorized it?

March 25, 2019

We just need to dig a little deeper

Man, I love being right. We are already hearing it from the sore losers Democrats, "Sure, Mueller found diddly squat, but he was leading a very narrow investigation". Plus I suspect most Lefties conclusion is not "there is just no evidence", but rather "We have to look harder".

This isn't going to end, the hysteria from the lefties will only increase. You saw it here: it is going to get worse.

I threw together a lasagna and salad for Sunday dinner last night. The kids, minus the one who
lives a thousand miles away, all came for dinner. After we ate I dragged out the ice cream maker and froze up a batch of homemade ice cream. It was a nice evening.

A seemingly short weekend is done. It is a back to work. I think I'll buy into the lottery Wednesday. I could find something to do with all that cash that would keep me out of trouble. And yeah, I certainly would quit my job. I actually like my job, mind you, but seriously, I would quit. I would probably
give them some notice though.


Have a great Monday.

March 24, 2019

Decisions, decisions

Decisions abound. Do I brew another cup of coffee? Do I write a blog post or go get some donuts?

What do you think I shou...

March 23, 2019

Paranoia Strikes Deep

Rotten Chestnuts is what this blog aspires to be when it grows up. It would be too, if I possessed the intelligence, ability, and time.

The transformation of my office into a bedroom for the new grandkid will occur in the next few weeks. My desk and stuff will move into the front/guest bedroom. We will paint the walls and put up the baby bed in here before the new granddaughter shows up around early May. Of course there is no hurry. The wife will not assume day care duties until my daughter returns to work from maternity leave. The room sits here empty except for my weekend blogging, so why not?

Oh, I forgot to mention we moved on to a new topic.

I was gifted a new smoker for my birthday. I'm excited. I loves me some BBQ. (Aside: there are so many grammatical errors in those preceding sentences that I am left astounded). I read a couple of the on-line reviews of my model and it looks good. There is always that one guy who hates everything about it and the one person so dumb you wonder how they even breath without directions:

"This item is worthless. I would give it no stars if I could. I tried to cook a steak on this grill and after 20 minutes it was still raw. Do not buy" 
I have no words.

In other news the big Russia, Russia, Russia report is in he hands of the important people. The Dems are crying for a full release. I say why not? It could be they will be sorry if they get what they want. Of course leading Donks will claim Mueller just didn't look hard enough and keep right on with their agenda of investigating Trump to death anyway.

Hey Dems you are so butt hurt that the Trumpster is President, how bad must have been your candidate if she lost to him?  I know, you blame it on the evil Electoral College. If the rules keep you from winning, we must change the rules. Funny how Leftists since time immemorial have this attitude.

BTW, I'm not going to dive into it, but if you are stupid enough to believe that getting rid of the Electoral College will "make your vote count" I suspect you are frustrated your new smoker will not cook a steak properly..

March 22, 2019

Friday Payday, can it get any better?

Happy Friday. The coffee is hot, the outside temp is seasonably cold. It's early and I'm posting live. No canned posts for you today.

In fact, I have posted nothing but fresh garbage since the New Year. That explains the paucity of content. I once maintained that you at least got quantity when it came to my musings, as if that in a way helped bolster the quality of content. Now you get a few posts a week, each of dubious merit. So it goes.

My birthday passed without incident. Once you have so many they lose their luster.

Basketball is going on. I do not care at all. Baseball starts in a week. That interests me a bit.

I work. I come home. I occasionally go to see customers. I work with and create a lot of spreadsheets. The Germans like their documentation. Put them in charge of a mega-conglomerate and the process is on steroids. I slightly changed the form for submitting customer visit reports. Consider my knuckles slapped sharply with a metal ruler. I am using the original form again. I was not only told to use the correct form, I had to verify I read the procedures for using the correct form and the procedures for submitting for approval of a proper form and an acknowledgement that I did not have the authority to change the form according to the procedure on just who CAN change a form.

March 20, 2019


It's spring.

Now how about some spring-like weather?

March 18, 2019

Monday Memories

The wife took me to see John Wayne in "The Quiet Man" last night at a local movie theater. It marks, as far as I can remember, the first time I have seen The Duke on the big screen. I enjoyed every minute of it. I have seen the movie countless times. It remains, outside of "Big Jake", my favorite John Wayne movie. I think he was far better in this John Ford classic than in "True Grit".

The theater shows a classic film every Sunday and Wednesday. The wife does not share my love for old movies (she loves movies though, just not old ones). In a couple of weeks they will screen the tale of Jake and Elwood Blues. She will go with me to that one.

In other news one of the greatest guitarist died over the weekend:

RIP Dick Dale

March 17, 2019

I'm deliberately not wearing green today. Get over it.

As I shrugged into my winter coat yesterday to go meet some friends for dinner I realized that brief glimpse of spring we had a few days ago was just a tease. Mother Nature showed a bit of thigh, a little navel, a smidgen of cleavage just to keep our interest. Then she brings back the cold winds and snow. We had a term for that behavior back in my day. 

Now I feel the need to apologize to women everywhere for my misogynist approach to weather. We are androgynous meat machines now. Joe you silly fool. No doubt it is my burning of carbons and using plastic straws that has caused this cold spell. 

If only I could support the concept of universal basic income, then our climate change worries could be erased. We would never have these temperature swings again. I'm a little fuzzy on the cause and effect here,  but my betters in the Democrat Party understand it, so shut up already.

The cardinal chirping out my window in the big willow is certainly active this morning. He is waiting for sunrise too. I bet he is just as tired of winter as you and I. There is no doubt he probably wishes the neighbors would unplug their Christmas lights too. Come on, it would take five minutes to pluck that line of giant candy canes lining your sidewalk. It takes but seconds to pull a plug. OK, the bird doesn't care about Christmas decorations. You probably don't either.

Have a great Sunday.

* edit. Before Anonymous freaks out,  please note that there is just a smidgen of sarcasm in this post. I do that on occasion. 

March 16, 2019

Aunt Becky, How Could You?

Ah, time for the TL/DR Saturday post. Let's get the basics out of the way: coffee, music playing, weather, got up early, so on and so forth. You have read that intro every Saturday and most Sundays for going on 37 years now.

Now..... Oh. I guess I got nuthin'. 

I really am having a hard time getting all outraged that Aunt Becky paid off people to get her kids into a good college. Seriously, my first reaction was a hearty "so what"? I mean who is surprised rich people are twisting the system to their advantage? I don't want to sound all AOC/Bernie Bro here, but duh. 

Did we really spend tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars investigating this? Has the FBI run out of real stuff to investigate? Maybe they should have put this kind of effort into digging into the Clinton Family slush fund charity, or looking for the next wave of terrorists hijacking planes to fly into buildings, or perhaps just who told Trump that hairstyle looks good? 

When did cheating on college entrance exams warrant a gunpoint arrest? Dumb rich people have a history of getting into elite colleges. Does anyone really think Al Gore got into Harvard because he was smart? How many other kids who were not even in the top 50% of their graduating class in high school get into an Ivy League school unless their pop is a Senator? Those actors and actresses who end up at Yale or Brown or Columbia? Please. 

And if we are going to get outraged by academically unqualified people getting passed through admissions in place of more deserving candidates we can start by counting the members of most division I football teams. 

And when did USC become an "elite" school? Are the admissions standards that academically rigorous? How dumb do you have to be that it takes a cool half mil to get you into a state school? 

On the other hand, who doesn't want to think about Aunt Becky in that nekkid girls' prison shower scene? Seriously, does this whitest of white collar crimes really require a one million dollar bond? Accused rapists and murders get less bail than that. 

On the bright side, this non-story has pushed the anti-Semitic and economically illiterate positions of leading Democrats off the news, so there is that. 

Now that the FBI has cracked the big rich people get their kids into college scandal they can now focus on how rich people and actors get the good concert seats and reservations at restaurants that are booked solid for you and me. 

Next we are going to discover hot chicks sometimes get out of speeding tickets and score free drinks at bars. The outrage!

March 14, 2019

Pi Day

I was unable to get to the farm buildings when I was at the Homestead National Monument last week. I did take some pictures of the wheat fields.

They were grainy.

March 11, 2019

Once more into the breach

Here we are. It is Monday yet again. I have a full slate of work stuff to do. That is good. It is dangerous to not have work.

We had a good but uneventful weekend. We didn't do anything of interest. We went shopping for some new work clothes Saturday. 20 years of T-shirts and jeans or shorts is great until one has to go into an office every day. I had to get a bunch of winter stuff, now I need to look at polo shirts and such. I don't think my employer overlords want to see me in a faded and stretched Cubs shirt and stained cargo shorts.

I fried up some chicken with gravy and biscuits and spuds for our Sunday dinner. I had something else in mind, but the wife wanted fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Since I double as Mr. Wonderful I fried up some chicken.

The youngest boy has been in Colorado visiting his brother since Wednesday. He gets back this afternoon. Boy is his dog going to be happy to see him. The pup likes it here well enough. We have a fenced backyard so he can run free, but he sure misses his owner. With the snow melt and the inch plus of rain Saturday the backyard is a muddy mess. I had to take the dog on a leash a couple of times  to pee on the neighbor's mailbox.

There you have have your Monday minutiae. I'm sure you are riveted. You might have purchased a nice chair to read this blog, but you only need the edge when you read exciting stuff like this.

Sheesh. Have a great Monday.

March 10, 2019

In truth the little house on the prairie was a brutal life

I'm a bit sluggish this morning. I got up late. Not really , but according to the clock it was later than normal.

No, I'm not going to launch into a rant on the uselessness of DST. The stupidity of the concept is there to see for everyone. But the golf industry is happy.

For some reason I am not my normal ebullient self this Sunday morning. I braved the winds to get some donuts, but even a donut has failed to buoy my flagging spirits.

We had thunder and lightning last night. Perhaps this is a sign the long awaited spring is around the corner. Snow is in the long range forecast, so maybe not. One thing is clear -- never again will I put my faith in the prognostications of a groundhog.

I made a quick stop to the National Homestead Memorial/Monument during my trip to Nebraska this week. It was interesting, but I wouldn't go out of my way to return. Perhaps if the weather had favored visiting the actual homestead and farm buildings it would have been more meaningful. Of course many of the displays were about the plight of the poor indigenous peoples. I agree what our government did to the American Indian was terrible, but this National Park was to be dedicated to the Homestead Act. I didn't go there to see "Who really owned the land?". I'm only a bit surprised I didn't see reference to "white privilege" in some of the displays.

On the whole I give the interpretive center/museum a grade of C-. I have been to local history museums with more informative displays and a better sense of "what life was like". In fairness, the whole National Park is dedicated to a pretty narrow subject. The museum failed to adequately explain what life was really like in a homestead in the late 19th Century, it failed to discuss the history of prairie farming. They had displays of old farm tools and some sales models, but not much in the way of the real thing. In trying to be everything it really captured nothing beyond a basic primer on the Homestead Act itself. Again, maybe some of these shortcomings were addressed better if I could have made the hike to be actual homestead buildings.

March 9, 2019

Scratching 'til it bleeds

Tick, tick, tick...

Maybe plop, plop, plop...

What sound does a grain of sand make as it falls through the metaphoric hourglass of life? Heck if I know. In any case, the big allegory relating how another week of my life has passed is useless now. It was likely beyond my power and writing skill anyway. Besides, that soap opera did the whole "Like sands through the hourglass" thing already, so why compound things with an obvious lack of originality?

Once upon a time I was a better-than-average writer. That in no way suggests I was a good writer, just not horrifically bad, if you get my drift. Business writing, emails, and lack of practice eroded my limited abilities further.

One of the reasons I started this here blog o'rama was to work on my writing craft. Hah! I have come to accept that no matter how hard I try I can no more write the Great American Novel than I can carve a credible likeness of General George H. Thomas from a giant block of butter. I am good with that. And no, this is not some thinly-disguised plea for applause and laudatory comments. As Clint said so succinctly, "a man's gotta know his limitations".

I remain a just above average wordsmith. I give myself that C+ because I have read stuff composed by other people. I have colleagues who cannot pen a coherent email about a quality reject for a dimension out of tolerance.

On an occasional narcissistic bender I go back and read a few of the 6,000 plus posts I have thrown into the Ethernet. A few are quality efforts. Some are incoherent gobbledygook. Most are mediocre haphazard collections of bad syntax and poor proof reading. Many are mere navel-gazing self-aggrandizing word turds like this post. Consider this just another in a very long list of wordy, pointless, shallow Saturday essays.

That's me: Joe Average. I'm smarter than the average bear, but I lack true intellectual / genius brainpower. I write better than your typical teen twitter addict, but I'm no "insert your favorite writer/ blogger". I'm occasionally amusing but not funny. I cook basic comfort foods with skill, but I am no chef or even gourmand. My parents were quite accurate when they named me Joe. And you know what? I am quite comfortable with my decided lack of exceptional talents. I know, you too.

I have quipped before that I would have been voted Most Forgettable in school had anyone remembered who I was. I can comfortably say not much has changed.

I think I'll go fry up a couple of eggs. Happy Saturday.

March 7, 2019

Echoes of the two Willies -- Loman and Nelson

I come to you live this morning from the land of Lincoln. No not Illinoisstan, rather the land surrounding Lincoln, Nebraska. I have been in the Cornhusker state a number of times, but this is my first trip to Lincoln and its airport. Since I arrived at my hotel near said airport around 11:00 CST, I have no comments on the city or it's environs beyond a sincere, albeit futile, hope that some kind soul would clean the couple of inches of snow that fell overnight from my rental car.

---Aside: that was a whole lot of sentence. My inner Hemingway is cringing.

I have a customer visit later this morning then I will wing my way back to the equally scenic area of central Indiana. The unhighlight of both trips will be a layover at dreadful O'Hare. I lucked out last night in that my arrival and departure gates were next to each other. In all, the outbound flights were uneventful.

By chance, my youngest boy was flying at the same time to go visit his brother in Colorado. Since this was his first solo airplane trip (not his first, just first unaccompanied), I helped him navigate security and showed him his gate. He was a bit worried and nervous.

I often forget that to those who rarely travel the whole process can be a little intimidating. I'm a bit jaded and should have more patience. I've flown in the neighborhood of 900 flights to close to 100 different airports (add another to the list) and spent more nights than I can count in hotel rooms. Travel lost its excitement a long time ago. That doesn't mean I dislike it, it just isn't as exciting as it may be for someone who vacations rarely and flies a few times in their life.

I have finished my delightful hotel breakfast of bacon and powdered eggs. I washed it down with a couple cups of Joe. Now it is time to pack and hit be road. I have about an hour drive to m customer location and I do not want to be late -- first impressions and all.

March 5, 2019

It is too cold for that

Happy Tuesday, and Fat Tuesday at that. I won't be celebrating, mostly because it is not a tradition in my family or community. Besides, it way too cold for a parade. The only way a nubile young lady could show off her nekkid breasties for a handful of beads around here today is if we waited while she took off her layers of winter clothing. Who has time to wait for that?

Well I do.

Still, the current windchill is -3 and at my age I'm not standing in the cold to see anyone naked, not even Flashdance era Jennifer Beals or Raquel Welch in her KC Bomber glory. Heck, I would even forgo a nekkid Ester Williams in this kind of frigid weather.

Yes, it is that cold.

Have a great Tuesday.

March 3, 2019

The coming hottest ever ice age or something

I was metaphorically scratching my head last week after I visited the Indianapolis Children's Museum. I was wandering around the dinosaur area, looking at the fossils when I ran across a display detailing where some of the specimens were found. There was a map describing how much of the Midwest was a shallow sea and the east coast and parts of Florida were also submerged. It was interesting stuff that I had previously learned when I was a young impressionable mush brained child at Samuel P. Kyger Elementary. In other words, this inland sea stuff is pretty much accepted as fact.

Imagine my surprise when the very next day I read an article warning of the dire consequences of climate change and discussing the current "unprecedented" rise in sea levels.

Forgive me, but once again hearkening back to my education at Samuel P. Kyger, "unprecedented" means "never happened before". Somebody is lying. I do not think we need to grab our pitchforks and torches and march down Illinois Street to force the museum to fix an inaccurate display. No, I think it is the fear mongering climateeers who prevaricate.

These same pants-on-fire chicken littles also try to tell us it is hotter than ever while in the same breath the daily weather records for "warmest days" show it was hotter in the 1930s and colder in the 19th century. If the last decade or so was "the warmest evah" wouldn't some of those records be of more recent vintage? I will not even get into the temperatures during the middle ages when historical and archaeological evidence points to a climate significantly warmer than current temperatures.

The problem is these "inconvenient truths" get in the way of the climateer's real agenda -- Marxism for all. What, don't believe me? If you can explain how universal health care and a guaranteed income help save the planet from climate change, I will post an apology every day for a year accompanied by a picture of naked me in thigh high stockings and a corset. Lest you think I'm making up stuff, both of those topics are featured in the Democrat Party's Green New Deal to fight Climate Change.

I think we should do all we can to protect the environment. Let's just not pretend some of this stuff is workable or even desirable. Wake up, the coffee smells delicious.

March 2, 2019

A common sense approach to pretty much every political issue you can imagine

Here we are on yet another Saturday morning. I have been up for a while, since around 5:30. I don't know why. You probably do not know either. I'm on my second mug of coffee.

In my opinion, I have offered up my best blog posts on Saturday mornings. Yes, I know that statement is relative. This effort will not be of that category. It's OK. I am well aware I'm in a blogging funk.

I'm also cognizant that I often resort to self-deprecating humor. I once had a boss who was offended by this tendency. He didn't get it. Sarcasm also went over his head. Of course this is the same guy who advised me to read from a script for sales calls. Not because I wasn't very good in front of customers, but because that is what he needed to do by us own admission. He was the living embodiment of the Peter Principle.

I'm no political scientist. (note: we are on to a new topic. You have to keep up. Note for the note: this blog is pretty much a conversation between us, a one-sided affair to be sure, but what you get here is just like hanging out with me. Note for the note for the other note: you might now understand why I have so few friends). What were we talking about?

I'm no political scientist, but it seems in the last election Democrats claimed Hillary lost because "racist" white people crawled out of their crappy meth lab mobile homes and voted for Trump in an opioid-addicted haze. I'm still not sure how voting for one white skinned person over another white skinned person is racist, but let's go along with the theory for a moment. Can anyone explain why several leading Democrat Presidential hopefuls are calling for reparations for slavery? I would think singling out one race for special treatment at the expense of another would cause a whole lot of resentment. Isn't the Reparations thing just an invitation for more racist KKKers to get out the vote for Trump yet again?

I won't even get into the idiocy of paying people for a harm visited on their great-great-great grandfathers a century and a half ago. If you have a good argument in favor, please by all means offer it up in the comments. I promise to be respectful of your obviously wrong and poorly reasoned opinion.

My great-great grandfather became sick while in the Union Army during the War to Free the Slaves and was reportedly never the same afterward. Perhaps my family should sue all of the former slaves for harm he received serving on their behalf?

In all seriousness, I have written here before that I am in favor of offering ten million US dollars to every single ex-slave held in bondage within what was part of the Confederacy before the passage of the 13th Amendment in 1865. That ex-slave must present his claim in person.

I think we can all agree on that proposal.

March 1, 2019

Lying groundhog

The weather lady says we are going to have crappy weather again this weekend followed by very cold temps early next week. Sigh. I'm ready for spring. It is coming. It won't arrive today, not even "officially" as the news anchor declared last night. Official "calendar" spring begins March 20. Real spring with flowers and stuff will arrive in mid -April. I know this; that dang groundhog is no more accurate than the weather lady on the TV.

I meant to talk about something besides the weather. Heck if I can remember. This blog would probably be far more interesting and successful if I actually planned what to write. This sit in the recliner and just start typing method isn't working. And an editor, I need an editor. I also need a proofreader. A hot one in a low cut top. Female too. A sweaty dude showing off his hairy pecs in a V-neck is not what I envision. You have to be specific when you are throwing idle wishes out there. Haven't you watched TV? Oh, and to stop typing "tne" in place of "the".

Yes, all I need is an editor, proofreader, and content and I would have a blog you would want to read. And money. I would like to have a fat bank account. It has nothing to do with blogging, but it would be nice.

Re-reading this tripe, I note that what I really need is a few more sentence fragments. And less sarcasm. See my thoughts on an editor.

You get this instead. The blogging budget is stretched as far as possible already at "free". I don't charge you for this collection of words. I'd say you are getting what you paid for around here. Whaddya want for nothing? Rubber Biscuit.
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