My brother was the milkman’s kid*

Better than nothing:

*My dad was a milkman 

Party Time

We are off to the Golden Ghetto* this afternoon for our youngest granddaughter’s fifth birthday party. It will be a Taylor Swift themed affair. She and her sister are into all things Taylor these days, like a lot of people. She also digs Bluey. I said she was five. 

After the party she has a soccer game. It is going to be a busy day. 

Her actual Birthday is next week. The party with her friends is today, so don’t get confused if I inadvertently mention another birthday later. 

The good news it is supposed to be a warm day with temps pushing into the eighties. I can live with that. 

Have a great Sunday. 

*The Golden Ghetto is how a good friend of mine, who grew up there, refers to one of the more affluent northern suburbs, the one with countless roundabouts, if you want to figure it out. Me? No, I don’t live there. I live over in one of the modest communities in the suburb of Mudsock , to the east. 

Banned from Walgreens

The other day I went over to a nearby Pharmacy.

When I got there, I went straight to the back of the Store to where the Pharmacists Counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said:

Yes! Could you please taste this for me?”

Being I’m a Senior Citizen, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.

He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked:

Now, does that taste sweet to you?”

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled:

HELL NO!!!”

So I said:

Oh thank God! That’s such a relief!

My Doctor told me to get a Pharmacist to test my Urine for sugar!”

Who’s Da Man?

So much white space, so few words dancing in my head to fill it.  

Really, I have nothing to say. I am certain you find that hard to believe. Oh, I could run out some blah, blah about the weather. I could pretend we have an active social life. I could tell you my weekend plans: nothing interesting. I am simultaneously shocked and bored by the politics in our country. I am not sure you are waiting on my take on the NFL draft nor the state of things in the MLB. 

I’ve got nothing.

But wait! I have once again managed to scrape together a post complaining I have nothing to post about! 

Tada!

And I used lots of exclamation points! You know that means it’s important. 

And now for some Friday Music. Don’t listen Freddie!

Have a great Friday. 

Hoosier hysteria

 This is my favorite news story of the month.

“Harris reportedly went on to request that the substances be tested and indicated that she wanted to file charges against the individual who sold her the narcotics, court documents said.”

Bwha ha ha

Ah, now I don't hardly know her

 If I have not put up some Tommy James in our Friday music listening previously, I have been very remiss. 

If I have previously posted this, then you already know this is a great tune and will not mind giving another listen. 

You know I’m right (I usually am).

I need a little bread and cheese to go with that whine

I have said for years that it is rare that I wake up and say to myself “I don’t want to go to work today.” Well, except that year or so during Covid when I was out of meaningful work and was laboring at Lowe’s, but you get the gist. I like my job. Today is one of those days where I do want to log on. 

I’ve been dealing with a myriad of issues at work and I don’t want to deal with it yet again today. I will. By the time I get through my emails I will be fully in the swing of things. Still, I am reminded it is Monday.  

I used to say I could never see myself retired. I would have to work at something. At this point, five more years seems like forever. 

Things will be better tomorrow. 

Wait Until Otis Sees Us

 I saw at list SOTI the other day counting down the fifty greatest comedy movies ever. I had seen most of the films, even the old B&W flicks from the thirties.  I agreed quite a few belonged on the list. The listing was garbage though. Any compilation that leaves off Porky’s, Animal House, Blazing Saddles, and Dumb and Dumber is no list at all. 

Perhaps someone goofed up and meant to compile a list of comedies that will not offend anyone? 

If you don’t have at least three of those four in your top twenty comedy list then your list is garbage.

That is fact, not opinion. Go ahead, argue and be wrong. I don’t mind.

These things happen

I’m enjoying a hot cup of coffee and some fresh-cut pineapple for breakfast. You don’t care about that, you want to hear about the weather. The furnace just kicked on if that answers your query. We had gorgeous weather earlier this week — upper seventies with bright blue skies. This morning is sunny albeit cold. We are forecast to have below normal temperatures for the next week. So long shorts, hello jeans and light jackets. 

Mother Nature, you can be cruel. 

Look, it wasn’t me. I have not had margarine for ages. I suppose you gotta be of a certain age to get that joke. 

Go forth and have a great Saturday.

Adios

It is with great sadness I hear of the passing of Dickie Betts of the Allman Brothers band. Betts wrote some of my favorite tunes including this one I occasionally sing in full volume when I’m alone in the car:

Why not a double take for Friday music?

I know all of the words to BOTH songs.

On a different note, yesterday’s post was supposed to publish Today, but through operator error was scheduled for the 18th instead. By the time I noticed the mistake, it was too late. 

At Concord Bridge

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,

   Their flag to April’s breeze unfurled,

Here once the embattled farmers stood

   And fired the shot heard round the world. -Emerson

Today is the United States true birthday . Born in blood and violence on this date in 1775 in Lexington and Concord. 

Never forget the  authorities were out to confiscate guns when the citizenry objected.  The Second Amendment is there for a reason and it is not to protect your ability to hunt rabbits. 

Those farmers and shopkeepers stood up to the most powerful army in the world. 

 

Honest Al’s Used Cars

The house next door is a rental. We have had some good neighbors and a few awful ones in that house. The best renter was asked to leave at the term of her lease because she complained about mold in the walls in the bathroom. Someone new moved in two days later, so I guess the landlord merely painted over the problem. 

The current occupant seems like a decent guy. He keeps the yard mowed, but does nothing else. He parks on the drive, not the garage. Not my business. I park my car in the driveway and the wife uses half the garage. The other half is stuff. It could be the neighbor’s garage is full of similar stuff. Again, I do not care. 

A few months ago a new car was dropped onto his drive by a tow truck. His brother moved in so there were three cars parked there. Last month another non-running vehicle showed up. Yesterday, he added two more cars to his collection. Now there are four cars in the driveway, one in front of his house and one in front of mine. 

My neighbor across the street called me to ask if the cul-de-sac was turning into a used car lot. It seems like it. Compared to the previous renter who stacked her excess furniture in the side yard (for months, not a day or two) and who  stored her garbage in the garden shed (probably six months worth) this doesn’t bother me too much. It does make things look a little trashy though.

Exigences of the Service

Two scheduled on-line meetings precludes meaningful blogging this morning. Ha! As if there was meaningful blogging going on at anytime around here. 

As is my practice, I put my iTunes on shuffle and this is what you get today:

It could have been far worse for sure.

April showers bring yard work

Lest you imagine my life is sitting around watching movies and baseball, you should know I actually ventured outside yesterday to do some yard work. I gathered my maul, the shovel, the DeWalt reciprocating saw, and my work gloves and proceeded to dig up the roots of the two big lilac bushes I cut down last fall. The one closest to the house was smaller, but had its own unique challenge since I could not pry under the root ball on one side because of the house wall. The second, larger bush, was a real fight. I finally got it dug up, but I needed the wife to help me chuck it in the trash bin. I bet it weighed seventy-five pounds. 

I had some more brush to cut but decided to call it a day after the digging, cutting, chopping, and prying. You will be pleased to know the project did not elicit one single swear word from my lips. That in itself was a minor miracle. 

Now I need to get a couple of bags of dirt and a bunch of mulch to fill in the holes and cover the flower bed. It is nice to be able to see out of the family room window. I will miss the smell of lilacs this spring, but not the mess. The shrubs were too big and needed to go. 

I don’t know

Every day I come here and crank out a post. It usually takes me anywhere from five to ten minutes to throw up my mediocre drivel. It always takes another five minutes to think of a title. I’m not kidding. 

Usually I use lyrics from whatever song I might post, but if it is straight prose, then I am stuck. I don’t know why it is such an issue.

That extends to my other writing endeavors as well. My first book is called Suburban Moon for absolutely no reason other than it came to me in a dream and I mentioned in these pages once that if I ever write a novel that would be the title. Otherwise, it has nothing to do with the story. 

Sure, I could throw up some English Major gobbledygook about how the main character went through phases and changes like the moon, but we both know that is pure college crap.

The working title of my next book, should I ever get it done, is Tales of the Wooden Pineapple. Not only is it stupid and trite, it has nothing to do with the story. And no, I doubt it will be the final title. I just can’t think of anything better. Ben Hur, Gone With the Wind, and Harry Potter are all used by lessor authors. 

Yes that is sarcasm. 

Maybe when I’m done I will give a synopsis and have a contest to come up with a title. All fifteen of you can offer a suggestion. “Expensive Toilet Paper” is not a valid offering. I’ll put the winners name, if I choose one of your titles, in the acknowledgments. You can see your name in print and at least five people might read it! You will live forever. 

Seems like a plan, unless a title comes to me in my dreams.

Take a look at my life

It is a fine Saturday. We are off in a bit to attend the youngest granddaughter’s first soccer game of the season. Watching a bunch of four and five year olds run haphazardly around the grass is the only thing that makes soccer palatable. 

There I said it. Soccer is barely ahead of golf, bowling, and competitive napping as the most boring sports ever to watch. If you disagree you are obviously very wrong. 

We are going to hang out with some friends this evening. Dinner somewhere followed by an evening of euchre and laughs are scheduled. 

Our fortieth anniversary is coming up in a couple of months. The wife is making plans for a big vacation of some sort. I set the expectations too high when I took her to Hawaii for our thirtieth. I’ve explained to her that vacation was possible through lots of frequent flier miles and hotel points, neither of which I accumulate at an astonishing rate any longer. My days of spending three or four nights a week in a hotel or flying thirty or forty times a year (or more) are in the past. 

Anyway she wants to do something fun beyond a week in a timeshare rental or a hotel at the beach. Me too. All it takes is money. And a valid passport. I have one. She doesn’t. Maybe I’ll go by myself. 

Anyway, she is thinking about a cruise. I said that would be great if we can find one in our budget. We’ve been on three cruises and enjoyed every one of them. Within an hour she found five possible trips. 

I think I got sandbagged. 

My neighbor is building a giant ark, should I worry?

It’s a Friday two-fer today to celebrate the seemingly unending rainfall. But first, I wish I felt bad about OJ kicking the bucket. I don’t. I’m certain he will be judged appropriately in the hereafter. 

I suppose you have to be of a certain age to appreciate that one.

On to the Friday Music:

And

It is not just Dollar General , Target steals from their customers too

 

Exhibit One for the prosecution is right here.

There was a big sign on the shelf at Target last night indicating Coke products were buy one, get one half off. Regular price was $7.99. You could mix and match.

If my history major math is right, the total cost should be $11.99 for two 12 packs. If you take a 25% deduction from each, then each would be $5.99. Pretty much the same price for two. I won’t quibble over a penny or two. How does Target determine the price is $6.30 (or $6.31)? And why are they different?

Lest you think I was mistaken about the sale price, take a look at the receipt. It indicates the price was $7.99 and “Buy 1 get 1 50%”. When we rang up the 12-pack, the wife checked the screen and it rang up at $5.99 each. Then magically, when we totaled to check out, the price changed to $6.31 each. We did not discover this until we got home.  And yes, the wife entered her frequent shopper card so that was not why we were cheated. Also, sales tax was collected at the end so that does not account for the discrepancy.

In addition, two more items rang up higher than the shelf price. 

Sure, the price gouge on the Cokes was only about sixty cents, but it is the principal. The wrong shelf price can be checked to bad employees or incorrect pricing in the system (still inexcusable) but the change in price on the Coke products is deliberate. Target Stores stole from me. 

If I took a five finger discount on a candy bar they would be in their right to hold me responsible, including prosecution. Why is this different?

If anyone can explain why I am wrong I will be happy to apologize.

All the good things in life

My youngest granddaughter, who will be five on her birthday next month, loves to play hide and seek. In one variation she plays, she hides various toys and then I have to find them. The next round I hide the toys for her to seek. Hunting always involves her using the mini Maglight she takes from my desk drawer. 

I don’t know, those are the rules. 

Yesterday she asked me to play and I told her I had to work, but she could play Barbie’s in the office. She grabbed the flashlight and started hiding stuff. I reminded her I could not play. 

She said “It’s okay, Paw, I close my eyes when I hide the toys.” And I checked. She did. 

It was so cute and hilarious I gave in and played for a few minutes. Don’t tell my boss.

Worth it

 I survived the big eclipse. I have to say it was most awesome here in the center of the path of totality. It was like a 360• sunset. Not full on dark, but a deep twilight. A couple of planets could be seen in the sky. The birds shut their pieholes for a few minutes. The wife and I sat in lawn chairs in the driveway and watched. We were lucky the sky was clear and we had a great view. 

I don’t even have jet off to Nova Scotia to see it

Today is the Big Day. They (the all powerful mysterious “they”) have been hyping the big total eclipse for a year. We are slated to hit total darkness around 3 pm local. I have a regularly scheduled conference call with my boss at that time. I’m trying to decide if it would be unprofessional to ask to change the meeting to see semi or total darkness?

The eclipse will likely be the most thrilling three minutes I have experienced since the last time I had sex. I don’t want to miss it.

If you think I’m going to post that atrocious Bonnie Tyler song since it is eclipse day you are at the wrong blog. It is not going to happen. The closest you will get to a musical reference is in the title of this post. I don’t care for that song either.

I am glad the eclipse hype will be in the rear view mirror after today. Local kids even got a snow eclipse day off school today. 

An eclipse happens about 250 times a year. It is not an unknown phenomenon. Based on the hype you would think we were ignorant savages straight out of a cave in the woods. Authorities are recommending we carry water, food, and blankets in our cars. They recommend we fill up our gas tanks. WTH? It is an eclipse, not Y2K!

One report warned to keep your dogs in the house lest they stare at the event and go blind. Seriously? When is the last time you caught your black lab staring at the sun or admiring a particular cloud formation? How about never. I think your pet is safe. “Yo, Rover, that cloud looks just like a whale.” “Sure does Spot, But I think my eyes burn from watching the moon move in front of the Sun. Hey, does my ass smell funny?”

Happy eclipse day if you live, like I do, in the path of totality. Jeez I hope it is a while before I have to hear that phrase again. 

Birds are singing in the dark

Yesterday was a busy day. I blogged. I wrote a couple of thousand words in my new novel. I watched some TV. After lunch I ventured outside to do some yard work. I came in and showered again, since even though it was chilly, I worked up a sweat. I settled on the couch to watch the Cubs lose to the evil Dodgers. And then I watched most of the Purdue game before and during dinner. 

This morning looks like a repeat— blog, write, TV,  yard work, baseball. Ho hum. 

Geez I forgot my coffee was so hot, I nearly scalded my tongue. Sorry to interrupt the absolutely riveting tale up to this point. Where was I?

Yeah, I don’t care either. Maybe this will be a little more entertaining:

Have a great Sunday

One thing leads to another

 I’m pretty sure this song from the execrable Police 

Inspired this other 80’s ditty:

I’m just sayin’.

The Eighties were a weird time.

Freeze Warning

Mom always said if I cannot say anything nice, to not say anything.

The Biden Administration…anyth…

Enough said.

How about some Friday music instead? What would you like to hear? What? Yeah you aren’t here in my office so you can’t put in a vote. Sorry about that. I considered some more music from Traffic, but maybe that’s not for everyone. 

Try this on for size:

There were three men came out of the West

 Hola Blognation. I’m late to the site today because I slept in. I slept in because I stayed up late. I stayed up late because I’m on vacation today. There is your cause and effect lesson for today. In other words, I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. 

On Tuesday it hit seventy degrees, although it was rainy. It snowed yesterday. It may snow again today. Clearly, Mother Nature is bi-polar and off her meds*. 

The granddaughters are spending the night so we need to find something fun to do. The wife suggested bowling. We shall see and I will report if I remember. On the other hand I do not know why you would care. 

Anyway,  I’m off work until Monday and I’m going to make every effort to not pay attention to emails, phone calls and Teams messages. We shall see.

*I read this somewhere and I would give attribution if I could remember where. I apologize. 

Musical Interlude

 The Kinks do not get the credit they deserve.

Actually it was a Scotcheroo

 Is there an issue shooting insulin in my stomach while eating a chocolate covered Rice Krispy Treat?

Every illegal vote is one stolen from you

 I know you don’t read links. Read This One.

They are stealing elections people. Look, I use my tin foil for cooking stuff on the grill, not a hat. There is a reason the democrats want open borders.

This one is on your President.

The Taliban has resumed public flogging and stoning of women who commit adultery. Keep in mind the definition of the crime includes getting raped assaulted, or going out unescorted. 

Biden made the deal to vacate Afghanistan and turn the country over to these fundamentalist zealots. He knew their history.

This is on him. 

I wish this was an April fools joke. 

H/T — MC