February 27, 2015

I don't care what color the dress is

I need s vacation. Not from work, from winter. I need to sit on the patio, sipping a cold beverage burning silky tobacco rolled between the thighs of a Latin beauty in some Caribbean Island or Central American cigar factory. Shut up, I refuse to believe my stogie is rolled by the stubby fingers of a fat sweaty mamacita or wrinkled old man spitting phlegm between puffs of his factory second.

I stare out the office window at the snow-covered ground. I listen to the frigid wind and the creak of the siding. The sun is bright, but the air is cold.

Spring is coming. Summer will follow.  I am ready to bitch about the heat and humidity.

Choose your own adventure for today's Friday music selection.

February 26, 2015

Get your kicks on Route 66

The famous Route 66 is no more. I sped down its' replacement yesterday; Interstate 44. Slashing southwest across the state of Missouri, I-44 is as bland and devoid of character as any other highway in the Eisenhower interstate system. While I-44 covers some of the very ground of the legendary Route 66, it sports no wigwams , totem poles, stylized motels or roadside attractions. I-44 is also 4 lanes wide, paved, and devoid of stop lights, right angle turns, and 20 mph speed limits. I reached Springfield in a fraction of the time it would have taken me 60 years ago.

I am forever nostalgic for a time I never knew, but 7 or 8 hours of ass-numbing drive is better than spending three days in a car to get the same distance.

February 25, 2015

All for the working man

The Obama and his Democrat buddies are always boasting of their work on behalf of the working man and position themselves as champions of the middle class. Their words never seem to match their political deeds. We have a chance to create good, high paying Union construction jobs, bring cheap oil in a safe ecological-friendly manner and to reduce our dependence on foreign oil that helps fund terrorism. But Obama just vetoed the Keystone pipeline. Why? I'd say because a big Democrat donor does not like it. Special interest money flows to both parties. There is no other reason. The Canadians will not sit on the oil from the shale fields. The Chinese are oil-starved and will buy it for sure.

The fact that the Union bosses are silent demonstrates they are far more loyal to the Democrat Party than to the members of their Union. And you and I, we just got screwed by the Democrats one more time. We didn't even get dinner and a movie, just a quickie in the backseat of the car.

February 24, 2015

Dear Senate GOP


You are the worst negotiators ever. I would love to sit across a table from you. By the end of the day you would pay double the retail price, plus shipping, plus a penalty if you failed to buy a certain amount in a given period of my widgets. I suspect we would include automatic price increases. You Republicans are dolts.

Why would you surrender the only leverage you have in negotiation to end King Obama's amnesty decree? The President may be able to veto a bill, but he can't spend money if you do not give it to him.

How about this --  pass the DHS funding as the House sent over via Reconcilliation. Seems like something the Dems did not too long ago...

We need a third party with men and women of courage.  At least the Dems are willing to fight for their principles.

February 23, 2015

I've got a sharp pain in my back that feels like a knife wound

If a Republican majority in both houses of Congress can't stop Obama from issuing illegal immigrants Social Security cards and years of back welfare payments, there is no reason to vote Republican ever again. 
Damn straight. Sometimes Ann Coulter is not my cup of tea, but in this case she Is dead on target.

The Republican Party is caught between a rock and a hard place. The money and the voters.  They need both to win.  The past two Presidential elections the Party has gone with the Money choice. The voters stayed home. It is going to get much worse if they roll over again after telling the American people they will stop amnesty if we only give them the power.

When you look at your paycheck on Friday see the FICA box. When you do your taxes see what you are paying the Feds. Then remember the President and Treasury Have already said that if an illegal has a Social Security card he is eligible for the earned income tax credit going back three years.  Even if they paid no taxes. Even if they came across the border last week.

Oh, and why isn't the IRS going after every one of the employers for failing to collect federal taxes including Social Security, Medicaid, and the employer's share? There is one sure way to get the Chamber of Commerce off the amnesty bandwagon.

February 22, 2015

Hit the road, Jack

Six thousand miles. Not only is that a sentence fragment, but it is the number of miles I have driven for work since the start of the year. When you consider that last week's travels were via plane and rental car it increases the weekly average even more. The trip through Kansas put about 1.800 of those miles on the odometer. Garden City, KS ( look up Capote's In cold blood while you are checking your map app.) is a long haul from Indy, but I don't mind.

Windshield time is easy money. I get time to daydream, blare my music, "read" audiobooks, and listen to radio hosts pontificate. I can yell at the other drivers to my heart's content. I see America: her fields, her towns, her soul. I can hear the slowly disappearing regional accents when I stop for lunch. I revel at the sameness of chain designed hotel rooms. I eat burgers and wings and BBQ.

Best of all, I come home to a smile, a warm house, and,every other Friday, a paycheck. Life is good.

February 21, 2015

Hooray for the ACA!

I am amazed to see liberals cheering the number of sign ups for ObamaCare as if they have convinced the public the law is something good. It is like they coerced a classroom of 1st graders to eat a bowl of beets.

I'm not surprised that people are signing up, after all a failure to get insurance is punishable under penalty of law. The supporters might as well crow about the number of folks who did not rob a bank or rape a female college student. "See", they celebrate, "people are following the law". That is a victory?

How is it a success that 11 million or 12 million people signed up for ObamaCare? We were told that 20 million or 30 million or even as many as 60 million people had no insurance so we MUST cram this law through by any means possible. Is it a success to serve 1/5 of the folks you intended to help?  Why isn't your average hippycommieliberalDemocratpinko out wringing their hands over the uninsured any more?  Seems like they are spending time high-fivin' failure.

Now my son, who works for tips, is forced to spend money he can ill afford to buy insurance that has such a high deductible that he still must pay out of pocket to visit a doctor. That, my friends, is not progress. It is progressivism.

February 20, 2015

A post you must read

It has been a long time since we listened to the Chairman. This is an especially beautiful tune.

Go ahead. Listen. Do it,dammit. You will not have a good Friday if you fail to listen. Do it for the children. Do it for the puppies and baby seals. Do it for the Old School. If you loved me you would listen. Democrats / Republicans (depending on your political leanings) do not want you to listen to Frank today. Every time you listen Fidel Castro is a little closer to death. listening will make your erections last for more than four hours (go see a doctor if this happens -- right after you call all of your buddies and brag). It will cause you ladies to have multiple orgasms. Listening to this song will be like Christmas, the 4th of July and your 8th birthday all rolled into one.  Trust me here. Would I lie to you?

February 19, 2015

That just about covers it

What she said.

We may differ on minutiae, but the overall idea reflects my thoughts exactly.

Dear President Obama

It was not the Nazis who waged war on the world, murdered millions of Jews, gypsies, and homosexuals in the last century. It was just a few fanatics who perverted the ideal of National Socialism...

See how fucking stupid that sounds?

It is actually warmer inside my freezer...

It is so cold that I just caught the Tidy Bowl Man ice fishing in the toilet.

Currently, it is warmer in Nome, Alaska than Fishers, Indiana. WTF?

February 18, 2015

how did I do my job before GPS?

I could bitch and moan about the cold. After all, the windchill here in the great white north is -30; Celsius or Fahrenheit, take your pick. I won't complain. It is cold at your house too. That is unless you live where it is sunny and 70. In that case shut up.

I have to go warm the rental car in a few. More customers to see today before heading back south to God's favorite state. Yes, it is true 'cause I said so. OK, he probably is fond of your home state too. Unless you live in New York or Massachusetts or California or some other liberal Fuckedupistan He doesn't love your state since you are all atheist commie bastards. Unless you are not a hippie progressive commie pinko atheist Occupier and just happen to live in the midst of the liberal Democrat heathens. You think it is an accident Boston has been shit on this winter, that California has earthquakes? God hates commies and liberals. Fact.

I am unequivocally indecisive today. It must be the cold.

 I am going to stop now. No one reads long posts. I doubt anyone reads this far. Jabberwocky. As the ancient Romans used to spray paint on the sides of foreclosed houses and slow-moving rail cars: VVV.

February 17, 2015

Think about it

A blogger who loved his readers would post something today...

February 16, 2015

This too shall pass

Here we are on a cold Monday. I should be brimming with excitement, but well...

I'm traveling with the boss this week. I have no worries, I know how to do my job, but I don't like traveling with others.  You have to consult on what when and where to eat. You have to keep conversation going. There is a constant need, I've found when traveling with a boss, to talk about work too much.  I want to decompress between customer visits, not rehash the last appointment. I have to be nice and charming with customers. Expecting me to hide my inner asshole for 12 or 14 hours or more a day over the span of three days is a lot of work.  Plus I had salmon patties and fried potatoes for supper last night.  I am going to have to strangle some serious fish and grease gas this morning.

Boo hoo, whah,  whah. Have a great day.

February 15, 2015


You know Debbie Reynolds was always hot, but in the movie "The Rat Race" she is especially spectacular.

When I was a kid both of my parents smoked. It was always a bonus to find a cigarette but in the toilet. I would play fighter pilot and strafe the butt like it was a ship until I shredded the butt.  Then, if I had any ammo left, I would shoot the tobacco like little sailors in the sea.  I always had a lot of imagination.

It is freaking cold.

I read two phrases recently that I found classic. The first was the way Zane Grey described a cowboy waking up in "Riders of the Purple Sage": "he unclosed his eyes". How awesome is that? Hacks like me would go the opposite and write that he opened his peepers.

The second was from Truman Capote's novella "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Capote writes that Holly "patted a yawn". So much description in three little words.

My inability to turn a phrase like that is why I sell stuff and toil away at a little blog hardly anyone reads. You cannot learn how to write like that.

I watched the "The Blue Max" yesterday. I have not watched that WWI Classic in years.

I hope you have a great Sunday.

February 14, 2015

sweet spice of life

Happy V day . I hope your day is filled with as much love and romance as you desire.

I ventured into the cold to buy my best girl some donuts for breakfast this morning. Ain't I sweet?

I have the Alfalfa version of "I'm in the mood for love"  swirling in my skull as I compose this sure to be declared greatest blog post ever.

Stay warm and have a great Saturday.

February 13, 2015

Easy guinea pig recipes

We are going waaaaayyyyy back today for our Friday Music, back when the world was black and white. Last year I went to my daughter's fourth grade class and gave a talk about the Civil War. At one point I was describing the Federal Uniform and a boy said he thought the uniforms were gray.  I said that some of the Confederate uniforms were gray.  He insisted that all the uniforms were black or white, because color had not been invented yet. I laughed all the way home, but showed surprising compassion when I calmly corrected his notion.

Anyway, with my usual digression I present Buddy Holly, one of the most influential artist of Rock era. What is most surprising is his body of work covers less than two years. He died at age 22 in a plane crash. One cannot help but think "What if"?

Who knew Arthur Murray had a dance party show?

February 12, 2015

I wonder

How is it the progressive types can keep silent when their chosen one can vow to wage war in Iraq of all places? After all, as they asked in the past "what American interest is at stake"?

How are American lives in danger? Isn't this just a further example of American imperialism? I seem to recall one blogger calling the American war in Iraq the most shameful episode in American history. What is different a decade or so later, other than the typical hypocracy of those on the left?

Me, I have no issue with pounding the terrorist motherfuckers into the stone ages. But I do have the same concerns I did when W and his buddies were squandering American lives and treasure, namely what is the end game, what is the plan, the goal? Hell at least then we had the justifiable goal of ridding the world of Sadam and his sons.

Frankly, I am not sure why the Obama is not calling for power to wage war on the sun, or coal plants, or cow farts, or red kidney beans. After all, according to the President, global warming is waaayyyy more dangerous than a bunch of folks in the Middle East who have declared jihad on us. Hell, wasn't it Obama who called ISIS the "JV" team?

Instead of waging pointless war perhaps he should just invite the leaders over for beer and a quick game of horse.

Epicurean mode

One post is just that, a single entry on a topic. Are two posts about food in a row a thematic thread? I don't know. You may judge me at your leisure.

The wife and I went to a very nice steak place for dinner last evening as an early Valentine's Day repast. She has plans for this evening and the place was booked for Friday. We are babysitting on Saturday. Thus, we celebrated early. Old Ruth did us right. My rib eye was perfect. The server comped us a creme brûlé for dessert.

No one at our table got any nookie when we got home. Still, it is pretty good to be me.

February 11, 2015

The good the bad the ugly

i cooked my favorite meal in the world for supper last night. That would be beef and noodles, and yes, like any good Hoosier I erved them with mashed potatoes (Yukon Gold if you must know). I have learned that this pairing is a regional thing, that for some reason the rest of the civilized world sees the two starches and recoils in horror. Frankly it has never occurred to me that chicken or beef or turkey and noodles would not come with a big serving of mashed spuds. I like my noodles served on top of the potatoes.  In any case this meal is not one designed to help my waist line and the heavy dose of carbs is certainly not conducive to maintaining blood sugar levels.  It was a good meal with bad results on the scales and ugly blood glucose readings this morning.

Did you see that -- a title that fits the post for once? Anyway, I know what I'm having for lunch --- leftover beef and noodles served with mashed potatoes. Get over it.

February 10, 2015

On being Nostradamus

At the risk of inciting the wrath of the lovely EOB I am going to offer another prediction. Gas prices are about to rise significantly in the short term in certain areas of the country as the unions begin to strike at key refineries across the nation. Union leadership knows that striking when gas was $4 a gallon would have brought on the wrath of the public.

--- What, you liberals do not understand?  You see the primary market force is supply a demand. When there is less of a good, the price of that good rises.  When a product is plentiful the price drops. That is why there is always a black market anytime the government interferes in an economy.

Union leaders see that oil,prices are low so adding 10-20% to the price at the pump do to decreased refinery output carries much less risk to the union and its members in public relations.  In the end you and I will pay more.

February 9, 2015

You may not be aware

Brian Williams is taking a few days off from reading the news.  I would not be a bit surprised that he cures cancer, eliminates the common cold, and gets Led Zeppelin back together in his time off.

February 8, 2015

Me and Brian Williams Episode 8

It was hot in the blazing Cuban sun. The bullets peppering down from the Spanish positions only added to the heat of the situation. "Teddy", said Brian Williams, "We can't stay here. We have to charge up that hill.  Follow me"

Colonel Roosevelt, inspired by the bravery of the intrepid reporter, rallied his men with a hoarse shout of "Charge! Let's go you Rough Riders"...

Me and Brian Williams Episode 11

It was March 6. 1836. Davy, Brian and I were standing at the palisade that bolstered the North Wall of the mission. The Mexicans were coming in force. I was so scared, I thought I would cry. Davy spit a stream of 'baccy and sighed. I could tell he was somewhat nervous too. But not Brian Williams. He was the bravest man I ever knowed. I bet he fought off six dozen Grenadiers all by his lonesome....

February 7, 2015

Me and Brian Williams Episode 4

We were on the train heading west out of Philadelphia. The President was pacing and muttering. "This speech just is not right" he said. "Listen. This country was founded eighty-seven years ago..." He started.

When the President finished Brian Williams spoke up.  He reminded Mr. Lincoln that he was a famous journalist and asked if he could help. "Please" cried the President.

I watched in amazment as Brian took an envelope from his pocket and begin to scraw.

Four score and seven years ago...

Me and Brian Williams

There was a whole group of us. We were seeking a suitable reply to parliament'so latest outrage. Brian Williams said we had to send the King a message. The next thing I knew we were all donning Indian garb.  All except Brian, he was brave. He was a study in determined defiance as we tossed that tea into the harbor....

February 6, 2015

Your pants are on fire

We all tell tall tales, but no one misrememberes they were in a helicopter struck by a rocket. That is something that you could not forget. I once went to the Indy 500. I did not drive the winning car.

Bria Williams is a damn liar.


Yesterday I sent this text to my Daughter:
I am eating lunch in Dodge City, on Wyatt Earp Blvd, across the street from the famous Boot Hill cemetery
She replied:
That means nothing to me.

February 5, 2015

Where the long grass blows

I spent my teen years reading Louis L'Amour and Max Brand and Zane Grey.  My Great-Great Grandfather served in the famed 7th Iowa cavalry during the Civil War years campaigning against recalcitrant Indians in The Great Plains. Thus it is always a minor thrill when I find myself driving the highways of Kansas, whipping through fabled cow towns like Emporia, Wichita, or Dodge City.

When I look out the windshield at the bleak nothingness I see beauty. I also marvel at the sturdy pioneers that managed to cross the vast American Dessert without a paved road, a GPS, a reliable map. The way west was fraught with peril. Miss your route out of Independence by a mere tenth of a degree and you are hundreds of miles from your intended destination. Sure the Smoky Hill or Arkansas Rivers were reliable landmarks, but are you upstream or downstream from your intended crossing point?

The American pioneer was made from strong stuff. I reflect on the panic throughout the east coast last week over the mere forecast of snow and wonder what the intrepid farmer or plainsman would think as he huddled in his sod house out on the prairie, burning buffalo shit to keep warm.  Now we need the Mayor of New York to remind us to wear a coat.

February 4, 2015

It is the little things

Bitch and moan. I'm good at it. Today I am irritated at the erstwhile air conditioning / heating unit tucked under the window of room 435 here at my Hampton Inn home for tonight. It has a button that indicates "constant fan" that will not shut off.  I will have to listen to the damn thing all night long. I hate the noise of the fan running and even shutting the heat off will not make the mother fucker stop.

Yes, 13 hours of traveling makes me a cranky asshole.

I see stupid people

I am about as small government minded a fellow you will find short of a true anarchist. But there are some rules a civilized society needs. A codification of most of the Biblical "Thou shalt nots" comes to mind. Traffic laws and other rules to protect the general populace from idiots, malefactors, and evil-doers are certainly necessary.  I support, to a significantly lessor extent, those laws created to protect us from ourselves. Maybe,  I am more likely to agree with laws that protect kids from parents' stupidity; car seat regulations for example.

I submit that any parent that refuses to vaccinate their kid is stupid, an idiot, a moron of the lowest level. Your actions are borderline, nay, are downright criminal.  I abhor frivolous lawsuits, but I would proudly serve on a jury of anyone who could prove they were infected by even casual contact with your unvaccinated offspring. Your failure to protect your children and society as whole from a preventable infectious disease is decidedly criminal. I would encourage the authorities and aggrieved individuals to seek criminal as well as civil remedies.

If you cannot or will not understand the difference between correlation and causation then you are damned fool and a danger to your children, your family, and society as a whole and should be treated as such. A refusal to vaccinate is as morally wrong and as criminally negligent as handing your kid a loaded handgun and sending him off to the local playground.

February 3, 2015

He Said, She Said, He Said, They Said

The cool kids all reviewed the film American Sniper last week.  Since I am not, and never have been one of the cool kids, I was not asked to participate. Of course, I have never been too good at following the crowd.  Back when blogging was cool, many published these memes -- you know, what kind of donut are you and such. I rarely played along.  I am an ass like that. So if I had been asked to provide my insight, I probably would have opted out.

Sunday, my youngest son, my daughter, and my son-in-law and I all traipsed to the theater to see American Sniper. It is a powerful movie. I think Eastwood's understating of Kyle's death and showing the actual funeral scenes as part of the credits was brilliant direction.  As the lights came on the theater was silent.

After the movie I had an interesting discussion with my son.  He is a Junior in college, and I know he is indoctrinated daily with a leftist slant, and also embraces a fairly liberal point of view as most young people tend to do.  I don't worry about it too much.  He was raised right, and he will find his own political water level. You see, I don;t think it is healthy for us, as Americans, to all think alike.  I think liberals and progressives are dead wrong, and naive and a little dangerous.  I would never dream of making their speech or politics outlawed. Unfortunately many on the left would, if given the chance, silence those of a conservative political bent. It is what the far left has done every time they have gathered the reins of power.

But as usual, I digress. The boy was disturbed by Kyle's reference to Iraqis as "savages". I asked what you would call people who would send a kid forth with a hand grenade? I also said that his opinion might change if he saw his buddies killed, maimed and wounded.  I added that many returning soldiers from Vietnam and WWII, harbored deep racial resentments against their former foes.  Such, I imagine, is war.  I am certain, my son does not share my firm belief that one American life is worth a dozen of our enemy. He will have to come to his own conclusions.

Anyway, the film is a pro-soldier, anti-war, human movie.  It is powerful. It is a movie everyone should see. The film makes no political statement about the war. Much like the film Lone Survivor, it is a story of people in extraordinary circumstances, fighting for themselves, their fellow soldiers, and their country.

February 2, 2015

About Last Night

1) That was by far the dumbest play I have ever seen called in football, be it pro, college, high school, or Pop Warner. Even my wife who knows diddly about football asked why didn't they just hand it off?

2) I absolutely must have a giant robot lion to ride. This not a want, this is a need.

 Today is my tribute to the film Groundhog Day, if you could nbot guess.

About Last Night

1) That was by far the dumbest play I have ever seen called in football, be it pro, college, high school, or Pop Warner. Even my wife who knows diddly about football asked why didn't they just hand it off?

2) I absolutely must have a giant robot lion to ride. This not a want, this is a need.

About Last Night

1) That was by far the dumbest play I have ever seen called in football, be it pro, college, high school, or Pop Warner. Even my wife who knows diddly about football asked why didn't they just hand it off?

2) I absolutely must have a giant robot lion to ride. This not a want, this is a need.

About Last Night

1) That was by far the dumbest play I have ever seen called in football, be it pro, college, high school, or Pop Warner. Even my wife who knows diddly about football asked why didn't they just hand it off?

2) I absolutely must have a giant robot lion to ride. This not a want, this is a need.

About Last Night

1) That was by far the dumbest play I have ever seen called in football, be it pro, college, high school, or Pop Warner. Even my wife who knows diddly about football asked why didn't they just hand it off?

2) I absolutely must have a giant robot lion to ride. This not a want, this is a need.

February 1, 2015


Yeah, I'm going to whine about football. I thought the Pro Football Hall of Fame was about honoring the best players, not recognizing a guy because "it is his turn". Maybe Tim Brown deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, but not when you compare his numbers to Marvin Harrison's feats on the gridiron. Harrison has more yards, catches, and touchdowns in 65 fewer games.  To argue, as some have, that Brown had to get in now because so many great receivers were coming eligible in the next few years is a crock. If you are not the best, you should not be in. Period.

Oh, and if JJ Watt is not the best player in football, then I don't know who is.

And since I'm bitching, the SnowTeam/ScareTeam missed even their low estimate on snow totals by about two inches. They started the lets all panic and run to the store and buy milk eggs and bread because snow, earlier this week. By Friday night they were claiming we could get upwards of a half foot of snow. Yesterday morning the prediction was 3-7 inches. This morning I doubt there is even one inch of snow. The models are wildly wrong 8 hours out, and I'm supposed to believe these same weather experts can predict the climate ten, twenty, or fifty years from now?

My coffee cup is empty and so is my tank of complaints. Have a great day.
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