April 28, 2006

Do your fellow man a favor.

Go here. Help the guy out -- it will not cost you anything.

Put up a link also. The future of the blog world depends on it.

go here to help

High Oil prices --Tear out your hair in frustration

It is not often I find myself without a firm opinion on a given subject. The high gas prices leave me frustrated and angry. I do not believe for a moment we went to war with Iraq to steal that nation's oil reserves. Anyone who still buys that load of crap is an imbecile. I do believe that we have spent a significant amount of lives and treasure making that country free for Democracy of some form. It is not too much to ask in repayment a little cheap oil.

Here are some facts to consider when discussing the high price of gas:

1. The rest of the world pays much more for gas than we do in the USA
2. The oil companies have made record profits over the last three years of high pump prices
3. The Government has made more "profit" from taxes on gas than the oil companies
4. A large part of the high cost is environmental rules that keep us from domestic drilling, building new refineries and a common gasoline formula for the nation.

Let us now take these in order. I do not care what Germans or French or Japanese pay for gas. It has no relevance to the discussion since those nations impose heavy taxes on fuel to promote environmental conservation effort.

I am a believer in free enterprise and the capitalist system. Companies must make a profit. I do believe that record prices and record profits are not a coincendence. The big oil companies have merged back to the point we were a hundred years ago when the oil trusts were broken. It is easy to say go somewhere else, but how does one exercise the right to shop[ when gas is the same price at every station? If an oil company would be willing to take the lead, accept less profit (I did not say NO profit) he could make huge inroads to the competition. It is my feeling that most of us are not real brand loyal when it comes to gasoline (like most commodities)a leader in this proposed price war could break the trend and start building some brand loyalty - with some good marketing! In the end, public pressure will force the Government to intervene and that will not be good for the oil business, nor the consumer. It is in Big Oil's best interest to act before the government does.

The Government taxes are a considerable influence on pump price. Remember often taxes are a percentage of the price, so higher prices = more revenue for the local, state and federal governments who all tax your purchase of fuel. It was said two years ago the price of gas will hurt the Republican Party more than any policy decision. If gas does not drop before November, look for strong gains in the House and Senate by Democrats. You can count on gas prices dropping in August.

I have no faith our representatives in either party are concerned with fuel prices until I see domestic drilling increased. Until we see new refineries opened, there is no interest in solving this issue. Call your Senator, Email your Representative.

We have seen natural gas prices double and double again. Electricity has followed suit. Gasoline is up more than 30%. It is time to start putting pressure on Mexico -- if you want to keep us from sending back 12 million workers, and more importantly the wages they earn, you had better look at your oil output and the prices you charge us. We should put heavy taxes on goods produced in Mexico (NAFTA be damned) until we get some cooperation. I bet gas will drop about fifty cents a gallon in a few weeks. I think we should apply similar pressure to the other oil producing countries -- except Venezuela -- fuck them, Commie bastards.

Liars and hypocrites

I am going to ask again, politely, all of you Democrats that think Bush should be impeached because he lied about the reasons we went to Iraq, do you also agree that Bill Clinton, Madeline Albright, and Al Gore should be indicted as well for lying to the country? Can you please tell me what is different about what GW said and what the previous administration said about Iraq?

Can you tell me again how this is the most dishonest administration when the previous President LIED UNDER OATH? Attention (thumps you in the head with a bat) it was not about sex, it was about the President being a fucking liar.

This administration has been accused of making the world more dangerous. What administration allowed the sale of guidance software to the Communist Chinese, solving a long-standing problem with Chicom nuke missiles? Now they can target accurately the US, when before they were lucky to hit the Pacific Ocean.

Iraq was not about oil. If that were true, we would not be paying $3 bucks a gallon. You sound like idiots with that chant.

Hello all of you liberals that think we owe every poor huddled mass a refuge, did you read Day by Day today?
That cartoon is always on the mark, but never more than today.

Finally, if you want to be successful in the coming elections, perhaps it would be nice to see the Democrats actually be FOR something, offer a Democrat vision, instead of just being against whatever the Republican is for. For me this is true at every level -- local, state and Federal.

Now, Republicans: stop acting like Democrats, remember the vision of less government, remember who brought you to the dance, or face the wrath of the conservative base. GW, do you want to bring your poll numbers back up? Act like the conservative you pretended to be when we elected you.

April 27, 2006

Kill the Lawyers

Did any of you see Jeopardy last night? One of the categories was the US Constitution. All of the "answers" dealt with the Amendments, mostly the Bill of Rights.

The returning champ was a lawyer. I think the players only got ONE question correct, and that was the attorney. I got every question correct. It is a sad commentary that we Americans know so little about the Constitution, but even more pathetic that a lawyer did not know the answers. What do they teach in Law School if not Constitutional Law? I hope she is never my court-appointed representation.

Gloom, Despair

I have lots to say to you. I want to post a discussion of the 14th Amendment. I have further words for GW and the Senate. I have posts about the lack of vision and rampant hypocrisy of the Dimocrits. I have anecdotes, and humor. What I do not have is time. I do not have time to post as much as I like, nor time to read blogs.

I beg your indulgence the next few weeks. I am not going away, life just gets in the way of hobbies sometimes. New job, baseball, trying to build an addition, etc. BTW, JT, the idea of someone moving out did not go over very well. I think the unanimous vote was for me to go! You can expect more cartoons, pictures, jokes and short posts. I might even have a guest post or two.

Thanks to all of you for your indulgence.

April 26, 2006

Cleaning Day

Cleaning out the old office this week. It is funny how much junk you accumulate. I have tons of trash. There were at least 6 phone books! It is with some sadness I leave this place. I have to find a place at home to create an office now. We still have not decided what to do. We may build an office in the garage. The choices are limited -- we have a three bedroom house and there are five of us. In any case some of this crap is going to have to go. Anyone want a used Far Side desk calendar from 2002? How about sales forecasts from 1996 or 1997? I have lots of unused business cards, colanders, pens, etc. from the previous employer, do you need them?

That is what I thought.

April 25, 2006

Hah! A Joke For My Lady Readers

click to make it bigger (don't you wish it was always that easy?).

Nothing to offer

Maybe I have posted on this before, I am too lazy to check. Since I am not working I have plenty of time to blog. I used to crank out posts frantically in the morning and at lunch. Now, I've got nothing. I am bored with politics, the Rinos make me sick, the dems are so far in left field they just look and sound crazy. I am so sick of the illegals and Bush I am spent.

Cubs win a thriller last night. My boys team sucked in their preseason scrimmage on Saturday. We played three innings in an opening day exhibition game -- 5 strike outs in 11 batters. What more can I say? We have practice scheduled for today -- of course it is raining and cold. The travel team split a double header against the team we lost to in the State Finals last year. The little one played OK, one strike out, tow fielders choices and one fly out and one ground out. A big zero batting average. He did get a stolen base. He came to bat in the bottom of the 6th (they only play 6) with two outs and bases loaded. He hit a hard ground ball into the gap at short. The shortstop made a diving play and flipped the ball to second for a fielder's choice out to end the game. He was pissed. I asked him if he was nervous and he told me no -- he knew he could hit that pitcher. He was just mad he did not get a better hit.

To my regular readers I am sorry I have nothing better, rants and such will come in time. At this rate, given my bloggers block, I will have to resort to the Wednesday Quiz to get a post!

April 24, 2006

I yam what I yam

I spent two afternoons at the ballpark under cloudless skies this weekend. The temperature was in the low seventies with little humidity. I am truly a redneck this morning.

April 23, 2006


A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's
breast implants. This is being considered a major break through and will
solve a perennial problem. Women are always complaining about
men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them.

April 21, 2006

Private letter to one of my favorite bloggers

Congratulations. You are about to embark on one of life's greatest journeys. Having a child is thrilling, and scary, and terrifying, and joyous. You will consider at some point that a human life is in your hands. You will ask "Have I and my lover created an Einstein, a Picasso, a Hitler, a Hoosierboy?" You will shape and instruct this tiny being in language, in manners, in behavior. Will she become a little lady, he a gentleman? It is up to you in most respects. You will worry about his friends, where she is late at night as she takes the car keys. You will soar with elation as she learns her ABCs and cry with every scrape and bump.

For the first time you will understand the phrase "the miracle of life" and experience the changes in your body that bring forth the baby in your womb. I will offer you the only advise I have ever offered a soon-to-be or new parent. Get behind and push and practice with a stroller before you buy it. Many do not leave room for a natural step and you will hate it if you do not push it around the store.

The rest is up to you. Learn the way the rest of us did -- through trial and error. Provide love. Provide hugs. Let the kid eat things that are bad for him, occasionally. As you step into your child's room, late at night, you will find true peace and happiness as you listen to the breath of innocence -- whether your baby is 2 or 12 or 20. Then you will understand the true meaning of life -- your child.

Why do I bother?

I write, rewrite, think and post. My blog is shit, I know it.

This guy writes one post that says what I would need 10. Fuck it. James, damn you.

BTW he is wrong about long hair.

Round 3

Jamesoldguy asked the question of the day/week/year in the comments to the 3 Questions for Hoosierboy post. He asked me to give three reasons to live in Indiana. James is a wiley one. What he forgot to mention is that he was born a Hoosier. He does not live here any more.

Why would anyone live here? The topography is flat and boring in the top 2/3 of the state. This picture stolen from Jerry shows a fairly accurate idea of the area I was born and the area I now live. The early 20th-century geographer C.R. Dryer referred to the terrain of central Indiana as so monotonous that a visitor to the region "may ride upon the railroad train for hours without seeing a greater elevation than a haystack or a pile of sawdust." Clearly, we do not have mountains and ocean beaches. Nor are breathtaking canyons and waterfalls a regular feature of the landscape.

The temperature is cold in the winter, and hot in the summer. I regularly hear denizens of the Southern States complain about the heat and humidity in the summer. Is there really a big difference between the 100 degree day with 100% humidity in Atlanta compared to the 95 degree day with 100% humidity in Indianapolis? We get snow and subzero temperatures in the winter. (that is the little one in baseball uniform hiding behind the post on my porch a few years ago).

No one would claim the Hoosier State is a fine arts center. We do have fine museums, theaters, and symphonies. We have sports, racing, and of course, basketball. We have excellent colleges and universities. Not all of us live on farms, nor is the entire state the steel mills of Gary and Hammond. Lots of Hoosiers make a living producing parts for the automobile industry. More steel is produced in Indiana than anywhere else in the country. Sorry Pittsburgh and Bethlehem, but Indiana has held that distinction since the 1950's.

It is not the scenery, the weather or the culture. How do I answer James' question? Give three reasons to live in Indiana.

1. Family. This is who we are. My ancestors were among the first to settle what is now known as Indiana. My family, my wife's family all live within 2 hours. Only Otter has strayed away. We are all more comfortable with what we know.

2. People. I have traveled all over the world. The people of the Midwest (and South) are among the most generous, helpful, and honest you will find. They are hardworking, as evidenced by the manufacturing and industrial centers. They are religious, and mostly conservative. Stores keep a jar of pennies next to the cash register in case you are short on the sales tax. Work is done on a handshake and a promise.

3. Variety. If I were to drop you blind into "da region" of Northwest Indiana, you would think you were in Chicago, or any other big industrialized city. The hills of southern Indiana are as scenic as any in Kentucky or Tennessee. We have steel mills, coal mines, rivers and lakes. We have farms and factories, and the lights of the big city. I live in a rural, small town, yet I can be at one of 6 major shopping malls Indianapolis in less than 40 minutes to the farthest. We have the Colts, the Pacers, the world's largest Children's Museum, and zoo an international airport. I could canoe on the Blue River, fish streams lakes and resevoirs, or hunt a variety of wildlife.

I guess I do not have the skills to describe what is great about Indiana. I am sure life here is not much different than life in Kansas or Ohio or Maine, or even South Carolina. The lyrics to an old and obscure song (and one of my favorites) say it best:
Written by John Mellencamp

Everything is slower here, everybody's got a union card
They get up on Sunday and go to church of their choice
Come back home cook out in the backyard

And they call this the Great Midwest
Where the cornfields row and flow
They're all 5 years ahead of their time
Or 25 behind, I just don't know

All the young men talk about their 4 wheel drives
And how much money they're gonna make on Friday night
And, they like to brag about how they mistreat their girlfriends
Hey, let's get drunk, party it up, start a fight.

There is more, you can look it up and listen for yourself.

Round 2

The Dragonlady asked me these questions:

1. Who do you admire most in life?
My parents. Omar Bradley, General George Thomas

2. What period in time is your favorite?

I get engrossed in various periods. I have a degree in history, and I spent lots of time with ancient history (Roman). I like the Civil War, The Zulu Wars, and WWI and WWII. If I had a time machine I guess I would choose to visit the late 19th or early 20th Centuries.

3. What is the weirdest dream you've ever had?

I do not dream often, and I rarely remember the dream past the first few moments of waking. The last dream I had was the rootbeer incident related about a month ago. I am more likely to dream during a "nap" than at night.

A big thank you to everyone who entered questions.

April 20, 2006

3for HB Answers, Round One

First up is JT ( I will get a link added by tomorrow, I promise)

1) What exactly does "suitable answers" mean? Suitable to me, or to you? (This counts as one question, so don't even try it...) Suitable to me of course. If you do not like the answer, you may appeal.

2) Why do you hate mimes? They are not funny, nor entertaining. They are creepy, maybe it is from too many viewings of A Clockwork Orange. Mostly I do not get the mime thing.

3) Can I have $100? YES! Just do not expect me to give it to you. If you find a source, let me know and I will split the $100 60/40.

Next I will address the questions from ralphd00d:

1. What was the last book you read? Book number 2 from the Bolitho series by Alexander Kent -- I would rate it as a 6 out of 10.

2. What is the "best" book you have read? This is very hard. I have read most of Louis L'Amour's books several times over. I have read In Harms Way every year since I was about 12 or 14. Flight of the Intruder ranks pretty high. I guess I have recommend the Brotherhood of War series pretty highly as well.

3. When reading a newspaper, do you read front to back, or do you skip to different sections (ie. Sports, funnies, news, etc)? I like to read from front to back, I hate jump pages, so often I do not finish a story. I rarely read human interest stories or celebrity crap. I like the sports and comics, but I always read front to back. Ilike to read the paper first before it gets all crinkly and messed up.

Finally, I will answer woodswalk -- great pics on your blog!

1. Have you ever seen a homeless person in Indianapolis? I have seen panhandlers and bums -- I am not sure if they were homeless or not. When my wife worked downtown she was accosted by bums regularly.

2. If so, how many at one time? 2-3?. I have not seen them sleeping in storefronts etc. like I saw in Chicago.

3. Do you think people who hold up the "work for food signs" really want to work? Or maybe I should ask if you've ever seen one. Just two weeks ago I asked one of these guys with a sign if he would come and chop wood for a meal. He told me to F - off. There used to be a guy at the exit of 465 and Keystone (near Keystone at the Crossing)who was always there. I pointed out to him that if he could afford a new moped, he did not need to beg. An hour later when we went by the moped was lying down in the ditch and covered up with branches.

Otter, You do not want to go down this road. I will change the password and burn you alive. I may have skeletons -- you have whole cemeteries my brother.

Three Questions for Hoosierboy

When I was working I pushed myself to write posts before work and at lunchtime. Longtime readers know I always had something to say, never mind the quality. Now that I have more leisure time, I find I cannot even offer you quantity (forget quality). Thus, in a desperate move I offer a new feature to my kind and wonderful readers (Hey -- you said you hated the Wednesday Quiz). I will call the feature Three Questions for Hoosierboy. You should imagine the deep voiced announcer, with just a tinge of echo intoning the title -- Three Questions for Hoosierboy -- like a god on Olympus.

The way the game works is that any reader is allowed to ask me three questions on any topic. You can not ask more than three at each visit. I will provide suitable answers. Come on and play, it will be fun. Ask me about myself, my family, my work, history, geography, sports, politics, any subject is fair game. I have often stated my life goal is to be able to carry on an intelligent discussion on any given subject -- here is a chance to see if a lifetime of self-education has worked.

There might even be prizes! Jeez you are gullible. No prizes. I will give a free link to anyone who asks three questions and requests a link!!! Ask away...

April 19, 2006

Just a song before I go

I am leaving in just a few minutes to go pick up my daughter's car in Indy. The car was damaged in the storms last Friday. Baseball (yes baseball) sized hail will do that to a vehicle. I was getting ready this morning at the same time as the wife. She has to go to work. I took my toothbrush into the hall bathroom to brush my teeth. I decided to use the oldest boys toothpaste, since I had left mine in the master bath. I pulled out his tube and discovered the most horrible thing imaginable -- he squeezes in the middle!

I have mentioned before, I am anal about some things. Squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom is number one and two on this list. When we got married this was the only rule set out before the new wife -- you must squeeze the toothpaste from the end! In retrospect I should have thrown in a rule about the frequency of sex, but that is spilt milk.

Anyway, I lived through the ordeal, now I am off to the world of estimates and insurance. What really sucks is we were going to sell that car in a few weeks. Why does it feel like Roger Clemens is pitching curveballs and high heaters at my head in this game of life?

April 18, 2006

Doing my civic duty

I went to cast an absentee ballot this afternoon. I will be traveling and learning my new job when the Indiana Primary Elections roll around in May. I took a Republican ballot, as is my wont. For the first time I had to show a picture ID. I still do not understand how the Democrats can be so against this policy -- they are the ones always screaming about vote fraud (that somehow only happens in Democrat controlled precincts). This time I felt like I was back in high school -- the ballot was a fill-in-the-circle with a number 2 pencil affair. Last time I had to mark the candidate with a colored pencil, I remember.

There was little choice on the ballot, most of the offices were uncontested. I would like to have seen an actual conservative run against Richard Luger for US Senate, but it is unlikely a contender could have unseated the former Indy mayor. I voted against one guy solely on his sponsorship of an anti-smoking bill locally. I do not smoke cigarettes (I find them disgusting)and I often avoid any restaurant that is smoky. That is my right. The government has no business intruding on private business. Given the entire city (and county) governments are Republicans, I am disgusted to see such nanny state legislation. One of the supporters of the smoking ordinance was canvassing the neighborhood on Saturday for votes. He did not make it to my house before I left. I would have given him a bit of my mind. Hell, all of the candidates probably have me on a big DO NOT VISIT list! Fuck 'em.

Baseball practice tonight for both the rec and travel teams. We will have games all weekend. I am pumped. I love baseball. Cubbies are on a roll. Is Maddox impressive or what?

Basaball been berry good to me...

I spent 5 bucks in the discount bin Saturday and bought the movie 61*. I had seen bits and pieces, but I had never sat down and watched the entire movie until Sunday morning -- a powerful movie. I believe the movie to be a fair representation. According to reports, Billy Crystal took great pains to interview those involved. Mantle and Maris. Loved and and reviled. One was media savy, the other shy and not glib. Maris was crucified by the media. On a side note, the first "new" bat I ever owned was a Roger Maris autograph model. It was a Rawlings. I was pissed that it was not a Louisville Slugger, besides who wanted a Roger Maris Bat? Even a little kid, 10 years later, bought the story that Maris was an asshole.

I watched Barry Bonds hit with warning track power over the weekend. Was it his knee, his elbow, or father time holding back his bat? Like Maris, Bonds has no friends in the media. I suspect, like Maris, he deals badly with reporters. His words are twisted and taken out of context. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yet, I feverently wish Bonds falls one home run short of Babe Ruth. I hope he does not come within spitting distance of Hamerin' Hank.

After reading the excerpts of the book in SI, I have no doubt in my mind Bonds used steroids. He cheated, but he cheated legally under baseball rules. We all know he was not alone. Even today players are willing to risk suspension and their health for a chance of Major League glory. Do we take away Denver's Superbowls because Romanowski took steroids? I cannot help myself, like Maris of old, Bonds is just not likeable. For most of the 1961 season Maris tried to be a public figure. Bonds is just arrogant. His repeated denials of steroid use are ludicrus, unless you believe his body just changed at 30 years of age.

The terribly sad and undisputed fact is that Roger Maris is not enshrined in Cooperstown. Nor is Pete Rose. It makes me sick to think Bonds will be. I can only hope the ravages of drugs and time will prevent his creaking body from powering 6 more home runs. We will see, midsummer, if the winds blow IN at Wrigley when the Giants come to call. We will then know what the baseball gods think about Barry Bonds.

April 17, 2006

Down here in Alice's Restaurant

I am sure the Waiter could tell me the answers, but he gets like 500 comments on every post. We went to eat at a chain steakhouse on Saturday. As usual, the restaurant was so cold we nearly froze. I can stand a lot of temperature extremes, so when I am cold it is pretty bad. The poor wife was shivering. When you drop 50 bucks on a meal you should at least be able to enjoy it. The wife complained to the waitress, who responded " I think it is fine". The waitstaff had on jeans and long sleeve shirts. We were not the only table to find it uncomfortable.

I know enough about the restaurant industry to know that turnover is the key to profits. People lingering over cigarettes and coffee to do not pay the bills. The restaurant needs the tables to drink alcohol, eat and LEAVE. A cold establishment helps this goal. The staff and servers are moving, working and keep their body temperatures above those of the patrons, who just sit and poke food into their gaping mouths. I also understand that controlling the temperature in a large building with a changing number of bodies is tough.

I do not understand why the temperature is set to what has to be the mid to low sixties. That is too cold. The cost of energy must outweigh the turnover benefit. This phenomenon is not just this one eatery. I have noticed it in many places lately. Like the trend to small portions on large plates at the trendier dineries, the benefits of room-sized refrigeraters called dining rooms must have been touted in an industry magazine in the last year or so. Give the public a break Mr. Restaurant Owner. We are paying the salaries, the bills, the profits. The customer should be comfortable, not Pedro the busboy.

I am not sure I like this

I start the new job on May 1. I am looking forward to new customers and a new adventure in more ways than one. This morning as the wife left for work she reminded me of what she wanted me to do today. After I take out the garbage and clean out the garage (this week is the heavy trash pick up), I could do a couple loads of laundry. She reminded me to pay the bills and left a grocery list. She called to remind me I have to go to Indianapolis for a drug test for my new employer. As I walk out to the kitchen to get my coffee, I see the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and the breakfast dishes washed. With all of that to do, how am I going to blog and read blogs, and find time for a nap? Unemployment sucks -- too much work.

April 14, 2006

Life and other things

I am sitting on the deck. The temperature is a perfect 72 with low humidity. The sky is a bright blue with a thin veil of high-up clouds. The grass is a brilliant emerald green after the thunderstorms in the early-morning hours. A slight breeze sends ripples across the lake. The iPod is turned to loud, Traffic, Pink Floyd, Yes, and believe it or not, Frank Sinatra bring a wiggle to my toes and a tap to my foot on the rough wood. The wife and kids are at work and school -- a March snow day make-up. I am thinking about lunch, and the work I should be doing. Admittedly, I am not thinking too much about weeding the flower beds and cleaning the garage. The dust on the furniture and sweeping the carpets can wait.

It is a perfect day as Crosby, Stills and Nash now serenade me with their sweet harmonies. If you are so inclined, thank God for his blessings on this Holy Weekend. I know I will. It is a Good Friday in many ways.


I am about to reveal a facet of my life that may result in a delinking of this blog at several sites. I already am prepared for the comments of anger, disappointment even downright diapprobation. Guy, I hope you are sitting and your blood pressure is under control.

I do not fish. I loathe, despise, cannot stand the sport. I can think of many ways better to spend an afternoon. What will make you fishermen out there really cringe is that I live on a lake. I have a 30 foot walk down my yard to a lake filled with catfish, crappie, bluegill, red ear and bass. The bluegill nest each spring right off my shore. Friends have pulled out sunfish as fast as they can bait the hook, sometimes even using canned corn.

You are welcome to come and fish anytime, just do not expect me to participate. I will set on my deck and drink a beer or a coke with you. I will listen to some music. I will not fish. Sorry.

The picture is looking south from my deck, and shows the narrow part of the U-shaped lake. You can see some ducks in the lake, and a great blue heron behind the neighbor's boat. Note: I must have been drinking when I took the picture, the camera is held crooked, the houses all sit on FLAT level ground -- this is Indiana.

April 13, 2006

Reagan and history's verdict

As you know if you have visited this site for very long, I consider myself a student of history. I consider Ronald Reagan one of our greatest Presidents.

I was listening to discussions this morning on local talk radio about the immigration problem in our country. There was a lot of talk about incrementalism. Namely, when we ignore that Mexicans are crossing the border illegally, then ignore that employers are hiring these illegals in violation of Federal law, then we allow them to drive uninsured and unlicensed. The next thing we know the Mexican military is providing covering fire for drug runners and we have 11 million "guest workers" demanding rights and trying to dictate American law and policy.

When the history of our country is written and the future Gibbons chronicles the Rise and Fall of the American Empire, will Reagan's mass amnesty of 3,000,000 law breakers be identified as the beginning of the end? I am given to hyperbole, but will our continued failure to close our borders will have the same effect as Rome's disregard for the Germanic tribe's conquest of Northern Italy?

Discuss in comments.

Cigar of the Month

Here is my choice for the Cigar of the Month for April. I bought a box of these little babies about 5 years ago and I smoked my last one over vacation. Aging has only improved the taste. I like to save my favorite cigars and I have a hard time smoking on I really like -- I want to save it for a special occasion that never comes. I have several such "special" cigars in my humidor. My friend Troy thinks I am an idiot not to enjoy my finest smokes.

H. Upmann is one of the oldest cigar brands. This former Cuban stalwart was rescued from Castro. With a natural Connecticut wrapper this cigar gives a mild pleasing smoke. A bit on the expensive end, you will enjoy this fine cigar.


I have been up since 3:00am. I have considered liveblogging the Food Network, or ESPN, the only two stations not showing infomercials. Somehow I think you will find that as uninteresting as I.

I see that the scumbag lawyers are already out protecting the illegals who were fired after attending the anti-immigration bill rallies. I think the rallies have backfired. Instead of gaining sympathy I think Americans are now pissed off. Good. If we can just get our political leaders to do what is best instead of focusing on winning the next election. Fat chance of that. Further examples of why we need to resuscitate the term limits debate.

April 12, 2006

Happy happy happy

I received a job offer today.

For those who care, the job is a perfect fit. We have to finalize negotiations on pay etc., but we are very close, It will not be a deal breaker for either of us. I just want more money.

My giddiness is evident by the humor found below.

Rednecks and Hillbillys

Third Graders
Three third graders, an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are in the playground at recess.

One of them suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree.

The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer.

Not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book.. and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that true,> Mom?"

Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three.

My new hot dog cooker

The Seven Dwarfs go to Rome

The Seven Dwarfs

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"

The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:

"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"


Since everyone hates the Wednesday Quiz so much, I will convert this week's post into a nostalgic tribute to one of my favorite toys as a young boy. I had all of the Major Matt Mason toys, all of the astronauts, the space station even the aliens. In fact the big alien with the pointed ears is in my garage now, boxed with some other toys. I remember getting the space station and sleds and all of the great MMM gear one Christmas. My parents must have spent a fortune!

April 11, 2006

Tuesday Afternoon...

I will write this post for the third time this afternoon, Blogger keeps going down. I am sure the quality of the post is lost through repeated effort.

This unemployment thing is leaving me exhausted. Already today I have done the dishes, ran a load of laundry, talked to possible employers, sent out resumes and mowed the yard.

My neighbor hires a kid from down the street to do his lawn, and the kid does a terrible job. A nine year old has no business driving a lawn tractor, but that just makes his parents idiots. The kid cannot mow a straight path for anything. I am an anal retentive jerk that insists on the mowed paths being perfectly straight. I have been known to mow over an area just to make sure the lines are straight. It is not that I have a beautiful lawn, I just like the mowed paths to be straight. This kid does such a horrible job that I have to mow several strips to get my lawn started evenly. To make matters worse, he stops mowing a good 3-4 feet short of the property line in some places. I did not mind this so much when I had a riding mower, but now that I have to use a push mower my fat ass is resentful. If I could ever see my neighbors I would tell them what I think. In the year and half they have lived there we have never spoken or been outside at the same time.

Anyway, the grass was really not too long, but we are expecting rain later in the week. Rain, coupled with warmer temperatures means the yard would have been too high by the weekend, and I do not want to rake the clippings.

I had the rare treat of speaking to my Texas twin, Shoe this morning. She was kind enough to discuss possible employment. I have a revelation, Shoe got my virginity...she is the first blogger I have ever spoken to in person (to the best of my knowledge). She is kind and wonderful, and is only one of a handful of people who knows my secret identity! Thanks, Shoe.

I have to find something for lunch and take a shower. Who would not like to be me today?

Take time

Every now and then, when surfing the waves of bullshit that roll across the internet ocean, you find an island of common sense. You find a post that makes you say "Man, I wish I had written that". Here is one such post.

Amen, Zombiesilas, Amen. I wish I had written that post.

EDIT. here is an updated link to the post: HERE

Another brush with fame

The cover story on this week's Time Magazine and today and tommorrow's episodes of Oprah will feature the hometown of the Hoosierboy and the High School my kids attend.

April 10, 2006

Give me a break

If you live in "da region" aka NW Indiana, you should consider moving. The area is in danger of becoming completely Chicagoized. The City Council in Lake Station is going to offer a resolution to encourage Congress to impeach the President.

As impeachment means to charge with a crime, I guess the city council will soon be passing a resolution to charge Bill Clinton, John Kerry, Madeline Albright, Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi and the Secretary General of the UN with lying about the existence of WMD in Iraq? Will the Mayor also encourage formal charges to be filed against the Clinton and their illegally gained FBI files of innocent Americans? At least the people that were spied upon by GW were talking to suspected terrorists. Some of the people the Clintons targeted for IRS and FBI investigations had done nothing except work in the WH Travel office.

I guess we will be paid in full for trying to call a President into account for lying under oath in a trial. You Dems can claim it was about sex, but those of us with any intelligence know it was about denying a woman her day in court. Do not even get me going about the feminists.

Lake Station, I hope you fall into the lake. Why don't you just ask be annexed into the Peoples Republic of Illinois why you are at it?

Send the illegals back...now.

For years we have been fed the line that the Mexican and Central American immigrants are coming here to work. The illegals need a break because they are doing the jobs Americans of all colors refuse to do. Somehow these hard-workers are finding time to protest by the tens of thousands. Some illegals are carrying signs that read "Do not criminalize me because I am illegal". WTF?

I have stated here many, many times this is the issue that will determine the elections for years to come. Let me throw out a few thoughts from an ordinary average guy in the heart of this great nation. First, I grew up in a town that had a significant Hispanics (read Mexican) population, even back in the 1960s and 1970s. There was a ketchup factory in town and the migrants came by the truckfull to pick tomatoes. Many stayed. My grade school, located in the poorest part of town had as many as 1/4 or more Hispanics in every class, especially in the fall. There were no ESL tutors, no special classes, no bi-lingual books or signs in the school. The Mexicans learned like the rest of us, or were held back. I have a perspective on the issue many outside of the Southwest or NY do not.

Here are the rules I would propose immediately. Feel free to let me know where I am wrong.

1. Any employer who knowingly hires an illegal worker will be fined $100,000. The second offense (the second worker, each worker is an offense)is worth $200,000, the third is $400,000, the fines double with each illegal.

2. Any employer who accepts a duplicate SSN will be fined $1,000,000, there is no appeal to this fine. The Federal Government will immediately do a database search and determine where duplicate SSNs are being used. I am no programmer, but this cannot be that hard.

3. Any city, town, police department, prosecutor, etc. who refuses to prosecute current immigration laws shall be fined the same as an employer in rule #1.

4. There will be an immediate tax, surcharge, tariff, etc. on funds being sent to Mexico of 5%. This will apply to money transfers, wires, Western Union (and such), money orders, etc. I know this is not fair, too bad.

5. If you are born here after illegal entry, you not automatically a citizen. This privilige is no longer a viable option for our nation. At least one parent must be a citizen of the US for automatic citizenship to apply.

6. There will be NO welfare benefits of any kind for illegal immigrants. There will be NO drivers liscence SS card etc. issued to anyone who does not have a green card, the person in question will be held for authorities.

7. Workers and immigrants who do not become a citizen before retirement will not be eligible for Social Security, no matter how much they paid. As we are often reminded, SS is a tax, not a savings account. No naturalized citizen will receive SS benefits if he establishes his main residence outside of the US upon retirement. In other words, no SS will be sent to Mexico.

8. Any immigrant committing a felony will be immediately deported upon conviction. Any three misdemeanors within 5 years indicates a failure to follow the law, that person will also be immediately deported upon conviction.

9. Any person found to have entered the country illegally shall be immediately deported. Planes / buses / etc. will be located in major cities to accommodate this weekly transfer. Anyone caught a third time will be sentenced to a minimum 5 years hard labor with no parole, and then deported. There will be hard labor involved al la chain gangs etc.

10. All local, state, and federal business shall be conducted in English only. No funds will be allocated print or publish materials in any other language.

With very few exceptions we are all descendents of immigrants. Our forebears faced language barriers, were forced to take the most menial of labor (many before any type of minimum wage)and faced severe discrimination. My own family changed their surname so it would sound more English. Adoption of these steps will stem the illegal immigration issue. I think few of you will quibble at this 10 point plan.

April 9, 2006

Did I make a mistake?

As I type that title, I am laughing hysterically. If you know me, you already could guess what my answer will be -- I am never wrong. A reader commented on this post at my wordpress mirror site (Do not go over there, I have not updated in a while and mostly it is the same stuff you see here). The reader said my story of Jane Fonda and Ted Turner getting kicked out of a restaurant was false.

I worked for Sir scotts Oasis and happened to be a server there the night Ted and Jane came in, and the story isn't true, they didn't have reservations and we told them we were sorry, they made reservations the following evening.
Scott isn't old enough to be a Viet Nam Vet

Comment by lori moore April 8, 2006 @ 6:38 am

This piqued my interest, I want to provide "just the facts ma'am" to the readers of FII. So off into the Ethernet I went, seeking truth and justice. As usual in these cases, I will take the word of the people at Snopes, and they say the story is false . Too bad, I would like to see that traitorous scum get her comeuppance. When I am king of the world, Jane Fonda -- traitor to your country -- will be executed in a most painful way.

So, I guess my post was incorrect. I will refuse to take the fall, I presented it as an email I received. Also, until I get proof, I do not accept that Lori Moore was present at the restaurant. I think she is a liberal asshat out to salvage Jane Fonda's reputation. Get a life Lori.

I will also publish this at the wordpress site.

April 8, 2006

Oh, Oh, Oh, I forgot to tell you...

As I was sitting in the grubby, overcrowded waiting area at LaGuardia, guess who was sitting a few seats down? He also sat right behind me in First Class on the flight to Indy. That's right -- Jared the Subway guy -- a minor celebrity. You would not believe how people were fawning over this guy. I did not deign to speak to him. I could care less about his latest commercial, store opening or talk show appearance. I think he is annoying, his 15 minutes of fame are WAY past, and I do not really care for the product he endorses. Five bucks for a freaking lunch meat sandwich. Hah.

Did you ever have a brush with a near or actual celebrity?

Saturday, In the Park...

A big thank you for all of the kind words and encouragement you have offered me.

The drive through Queens and the Bronx offered no significant challenges yesterday, I passed right by Yankee Stadium there on Exit 5. While I loathe the Yankees, it was cool to see the house that Ruth built. The most challenging part of the day was sitting in the airport for about 7 hours while the flights were delayed by storms in the Midwest. Anyway, I left home at 6:00 am, I returned at 1:15 am. A long day indeed.

The interviews (4 + hours worth) went well, I think. I did all I could on my part. As I expected, I got a comment on my accent. To those of you from the South, it is not Southern at all, it is the accent of the Midwest, especially of those who live south of I-70. You know what I mean. For New Englanders, I guess I sound like I am from Texas or Kentucky, I don't know. For many, there is a strong belief that if you speak at a less-than-machine gun pace, and have an accent, you must be stupid. I suppose it is an indication of my comfort level that I relaxed and slipped into my normal accent, as usually I try to maintain a neutral news reader tone.

I do not have a cartoon to post, I have several saved on my laptop, but it is at the office. You get my words instead.

The first baseball practices for the little one's rec league begin today. It will be very cool (a high of 50, maybe). I am managing the team this year. It looks as if we will be a strong contender, time will tell. The little one also plays on a travel team. I will try not to bore you with the details.

The Cubs beat the Cards behind a strong performance by the ageless Greg Maddox. That guy has to be a sure bet for the Hall of Fame.

April 6, 2006

Its up to you New York, New York

I'm off on Friday to the big apple, the City that never sleeps for a job interview. It is with one of my former competitors. I am more than qualified, now I just have to convince them to hire me, close the deal. It looks to be similar pay, better benefits. Of course I will have to overcome the East Coast bias for anyone who speaks slower or with an accent. I have already been warned by the wife that not everyone appreciates my dry and sarcastic sense of humor.

I have to land at LaGuardia and drive across the city. I am less than thrilled about that, but what the hell, we have to do what we have to do. It cannot be any worse than the time I was tossed keys to the car in Utrecht, The Netherlands and told to take the car to the Frankfurt Germany airport, can it? I have driven in Philly, Detroit, LA, and Chicago, I will be fine. I will have probably 4-5 hours layover waiting on my return flight if you want to come to the airport and have a drink with me. I will be in the blue pinstripe suit.

On a separate and personal note, Thanks Jim, your kindness is beyond words.


Welcome to all you have arrived from the Acidman. Unfortunately life has prevented me from giving the quality posts I usually present here. Look around, read the archives and come back often.

April 5, 2006

Chapter 4, wherein the Hoosierboy laughs and guffaws

I was reading a great book by Bernard Cornwell last week. He is a terrific writer of historical fiction, especially the Sharpe Series. You should read those books. Go now and buy them.

Back already? Anyway I was reading his novel "Redcoat"( about the Revolutionary War) and I came a cross a passage that I thought was so funny that I actually dogeared the page, so I would be able to share it with you:

John Andre trimmed a candlestick. "I hate to disagree with you sir,but I think Mr. Washington has to attack...He'll fight, sir, to draw the French into the war."

..."And why would the French risk another whipping?" Zeigler asked.

"Because the French have short memories," Andre said happily. "Every defeat only encourages them to believe in their own invincibility."

The pattern of French losses followed by utter arrogance remains unabated to this day.

Score one for the good guys

The school system has relented and decided the boy from this post will not be suspended after all. The school system has decided to adopt a policy of common sense. The principal should be reprimanded and forced to eat dirt. He should also apologize to the boy and his family. Fucktard.

Should I be worried?

I am in a deep sleep. The phone rings, once , twice, I am not sure. As I grope for the phone, I notice the time is 5:34 am.

HB: Hello?

Caller: Do you have a daughter named _____ _______?

HB: Uh, yes, is there a problem? (coming awake quickly now)

Caller: Well, she kicked my dog.


Caller: She was at this concert and she kicked my dog. She hurt it. She kicked my dog.


Caller: She kicked my dog, a little poodle, I want her punished.

HB: (annoyed) I will take care of it.

Caller: She kicked my dog, she must be punished. She kicked my dog. There needs to be severe punishment. She kicked my dog (shouting), SHE KICKED MY DOG.

HB: hangs up

As I put my head on the pillow, it occurred to me this might not have been a prank call. How did this guy get my number? My daughter is away at college. Is she in danger from a nutcase? Is my family in danger? Does she have a stalker?

I get up and check the caller ID -- Blocked Caller. I have mixed emotions, is this a joke, or should I be concerned. I call my daughter, she does not answer. She is hard to wake up, I try again. She is less than thrilled to be called at 5:45 am (She is in college). She said she has not kicked a dog. She is now scared too.

I worry all morning. Over coffee the wife suggests I use star69 and call the number. I get some guy who refuses to identify himself. I tell him that I do not appreciate getting prank calls at 5:30 am. He claims none were made from his number. I tell him that is a non-starter, I used star69 to call back. I tell him I do not appreciate threats to my daughter, even if they are pranks. The guy then asks if I called the cops. I tell him not yet, but that was my next call. He said the police had already called at about 7:00 am reporting harassing phone calls. He said I over-reacted and did not need to call the cops. I reiterated I had not -- yet. He said he was investigating and would handle it, but no calls were made from his house. I explained again that was a wasted argument, and told him I better never get another such call.

I feel better this was just a prank. Obviously I was not the only victim this morning. Do I call the police and report my incident? Do I forget it? I do not want to make a mountain from a molehill, nor can I ignore a threat.

The bat is under the bed, the gun is at hand. The daughter has been instructed to be alert.

April 4, 2006

An Exclusive Club

It is with reluctance that I publish this post. I do not think I will like the comments I will generate. I have never been big on pity. I am even more reluctant to write about personal issues.

It seems I have joined an exclusive club. Several Bloggers are members. There must be something in the air.

There is this guy. This fine blogger and I joined last week. This guy is also a member of the club. This blogger is also part of the group.

I am a victim of economics, the falling dollar against the Euro, the increased presence of cheap Chinese products. The company is hemorrhaging money, and I have to go. The Hoosierboy is a victim of economics. I am not the first, nor the last. We will survive, humor intact. I am not looking for pity, for condemnation, or sorrow. There will never be a serious request for handouts on this site. I will try not to wail about life being unfair, we all know it is.

If you are in the Central Indiana area and have need of a skilled employee I am your man. Send me an Email and I will send you a resume. I am expensive, but very good at what I do. I can do sales, customer service, production scheduling, management, supervision, and more. I have an excellent work record and know fabrication of metals and plastics. I have designed production control systems. I have supervised both hourly and salary personnel. I have worked in union and non-union shops. I have doubled the sales with three different companies. Once is maybe luck or a fluke, twice maybe, thrice, never. Bearings are my trade, but selling is selling.

We will survive, I can drive a forklift, lift boxes, and run machinery. I can handle shift work if necessary. Some opportunities are in the works already. I will keep you posted. Life goes on.

If there is a bright side, I now have more time to post!

Start the day the healthy way

Those of you who know me (and that would be Otter and, well Otter) are aware I rarely eat breakfast. I also rarely eat cakes, pies, cookies, or candy. I eat more now than I used to, but my physique has mostly been shaped by beer and my Mom's insistence that I eat everything on my plate. That is a habit that is hard to break. I guess I can also blame my fatness on a lack of exercise.

In any case, I was hungry this morning. I ate two pieces of fried spam (cold) leftover from lunch yesterday. Three mini-soft iced molasses cookies from Archway, two large glasses of orange juice, and a cup of strong, black coffee. The breakfast of champions it was not. I have a strong hankering for bacon at this very minute. Hankering -- today's secret word -- try and use that word at least once today. Report back with examples of successful usages.

What did you have for breakfast?

BTW, The Cubbies won big against the Reds yesterday. I predict the typical choke job will start in mid-May this year when Prior gets hurt (Shocking) and Woods returns and gets hurt after two starts (double shocking).

Does anyone want the Wednesday Quiz to return?

April 3, 2006

I am not alone when I proclaim political correctness and the hysteria surrounding guns etc. in schools has become out of control. A young man in Indianapolis recently discovered he had left a pocketknife in his pocket after doing woodwork the previous evening. As soon as he reached school he turned in the knife to the office. His reward? He was suspended for ten days and faces a hearing to see if he should be expelled for the year!

Imagine, an honor student does the right thing, and is punished the same as if he had hidden the knife. Some reward for honesty, a great life lesson to boot.

The man at PRS is a genius.

Go read this post. He has summed the immigration issue in terms we all can understand. Try again to tell me that illegal immigration does not hurt anyone.

Good Mooorninnng, America

I am back, rested and relaxed. For the first time in more than 40 years Indiana has joined the world of Daylight Savings Time. I spent yesterday changing clocks. I even had to change the clock on the old computer. Bill Gates has installed Indiana as a time zone entity, and now I am just one of you millions of Eastern Time Zoners. Last night severe storms, and tornadoes ripped through the area. The power flashed off, and the clock routine had to start again.

What a welcome for the basketball fans in town for the Final Four. Thursday we had severe weather (tornadoes destroyed some houses a few miles from my home)ad more again last night. TV reported that there were revelers from LSU and California out on the balconies of the hotels watching the storms. Police and Hotel officials had to explain that tornadoes are real and deadly. There is some comment about LSU and New Orleans and Nuts from California, but I will leave it to you to make your own joke.

I have a rant for those jackass protesters regarding the immigration bill. Let us just say I am pissed, and stay tuned.

A huge thanks to Otter for filling in while I was out. I had visions of him changing the password and hijacking the old blog. I missed you all, I will be commenting again soon as I get caught up with work and life. It is funny how posting here can become an obsession. Is there a blogs anonymous? I missed reading so many of your blogs. I missed sharing my junk with you. Life, she sure is funny.

April 1, 2006

News Flash.....

Hoosierboy has decided to stay in the realm of the big eared mouse and never return to Hoosierland or write another blog...he sends his best.......

April fools.......

Today's Cartoon

Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
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