May 30, 2015

Reason 714 it is good to be me

The wife baked a batch of oatmeal scotchies for me yesterday afternoon.  I can only conclude she kinda likes me, or she is greatful for all of my hard work beautifying the old homestead over the past few weekends, or she knows I am fighting my diabetes meds and is trying to kill me.

The granddaughter has learned to roll over and is traveling all aver the living room. Until Thursday morning she could only flip to her stomach and cry to be turned back; a game I found tedious after five minutes or so, but played along because she is my granddaughter. Now we have started to make the living room a little safer and obstacle-free because crawling and walking are just over the horizon.  

After a couple of gorgeous days it looks like the rain will be back this weekend. I ain't complaining. We could be getting the soaking our Okie and Texican neighbors are getting.

Have a great Saturday. I'm off to fill up my coffee cup and grab a cookie for breakfast.

May 29, 2015

May 28, 2015


I made spaghetti for supper last night. The wife was doing laundry while I cleaned up the dishes and washed the pans. A quick rain storm passed by herded along by a couple of claps of thunder, just when I thought about sitting out on the patio. Instead I turned on the baseball game, half watching, half reading. Then it became half watching  and half dozing.

The good guys lost and I flipped over to local news. I picked up my book when I should have gone to bed. The next thing I know, I have been reading for an hour and a half. It is past one in the morning and I am arguing with myself about reading a few more pages or hitting the rack. Sensible won. I should have listened to my brain and headed for bed at eleven. In my youth I routinely ran on about 5 hours of sleep, usually because I stayed up into the wee hours reading. I can't do it anymore. Why do I try?

May 27, 2015

Two things about me

If I have said it once, I have said it one hundred million times; I don't exaggerate and I never, ever repeat myself.

May 26, 2015

tuesday at last.

Man I am glad this weekend is over. I worked my butt off.  Remember when I said my wife had some projects? She has a pinched nerve in her back, so bending or moving is hard for her. That left Old Joe to plant the 2 flats of vinkas, the 2flats of begonias, and the 4 wave petunias, and a dozen other flowers of various sorts. I also dug out the pernicious ground cover that surrounded the stump of the tree we cut down last week.  Of course the ground where she wanted the plant holes dug was littered with roots or rocks. Then I spread about 4,683 tons of mulch. It seemed like it anyway. I need to go back to work so I can get some rest. I hurt in places I have not felt in decades.

Yesterday morning a rabbit was out among some of the newly planted flowers out back. I opened the patio door hoping to scare him away, but he did that old bunny trick of freezing in place. I was barefoot, so I grabbed a half dozen ice cubes and sent a couple of two seamed fastballs in his direction. One hit the fence next to his fuzzy tail. He did not move. Another bounced on the mulch an inch from his nose. He did not even twitch. The next hit him square on the back. Still he hunched like a statue. What the heck Bugs? I finally donned some flip flops from the laundry room and he ran when I got within ten yards of his spot. If that little SOB eats those begonias he is a dead rabbit. Sitting still like that will only make my marksmanship easier.

May 25, 2015

May 23, 2015

under an ice blue sky

This is bouncing around in my brain.

Oh, for Pete's sake just click on the selection, It won't kill you.  You might even smile or perhaps laugh.  That laughter may keep you from cursing at sheep and inciting the wrath of PETA*.  I spent like one minute finding this video. When I was working at the big yellow price tag trying to make ends meet last fall one of my young coworkers mentioned she had never heard of "Animal House". Sigh. I have never felt so old.

Have a great Saturday.

* look it up, I'm serious. Cursing at sheep is abuse.

May 22, 2015


It is an office day today. I have a couple of emails to follow up, some phone calls to make. I will start my expense report early so I am not late again this month. is a three day weekend!

I think the wife has some projects in mind, but she could not possibly fill up the whole three days with work, could she?

I am in a great mood, I think I will go down the street and get some donuts.

Hells yeah you want to be me.

May 21, 2015

Cold as ice

I made a mistake this week. I know, I'm shocked too. I only looked at the daily highs when I packed my suitcase. I found myself with a short sleeved Polo shirt yesterday with no jacket facing temps in the forties and a light and very cold rain.  I usually don't screw up my packing that way. Luckily I had a pair of jeans on hand. I grabbed lunch at a drive-through yesterday since it was raining hard when I wanted to eat. I drove into my driveway on fumes, the gas-is-about-gone idiot light glowing in my dash. But I once again safely traversed the Mighty Mississippi, a Max Brand audio book keeping me entertained as I headed home.

May 19, 2015

Is there a Journalist in the House?

Will someone, anyone, just ask Hillary why she lied to the families, Congress, and the American people about a dumb movie causing Benghazi? Can someone ask her if, as she claimed today, she wants those emails released, why does she refuse to let independent investigators look at her servers?

Do we really want more years of the Clintons and their scandals?

Isn't there any journalist left with integrity? What do I expect? The highest award in journalism is named after one of the most biased, corner-cutting, print-anything-as-long-as-it-sells-papers publishers in history.

May 18, 2015

On Stephanopolupugus

Back during the Cold War we used to laugh at stories reported by Pravda, rightly believing it was biased and only printed what the Soviet Government wanted told.

Today in the U.S. We ave major news organizations fronted by former government employees. Pravda versus ABCNBCCBSCNNMSNBC is there really a difference? No wonder The Obama hates Fox News, it is not a state-run news agency.

May 17, 2015


The youngest is home from the University for the weekend. It is good to see him. School is out for the summer, but since he has a job in B-town he only gets occasional days off for a visit. I think my oldest son is going to come down after work today too.  the wife has a cookout planned and with the addition of my daughter and her family the whole brood will be together for the first time since Christmas Day.  That makes me smile.

I know the boys will go past the Coors Light and Bud straight for the bootlegged Yeungling out in the garage 'fridge. That is OK by me.

I hope Ma Nature cooperates, but if it rains it will not be the first time I have huddled over a grill holding a spatula in one hand and an umbrella in another. It makes it harder to drink a beer while cooking, but I am sure I will manage.

The tree came down OK, it rained on and off all afternoon, but we got it down. Now I just have to get rid of the wood.

May 16, 2015

So long tree, thanks for the oxygen

In my side yard, next to my driveway, is an ash tree. It is dead, just like almost every ash tree on the Midwest. When we moved in it was struggling. Last summer saw but a few branches leaf out and now it is dead. A buddy is coming over today to cut it down. I hate to see a tree die, but this one serves merely as a perch for birds to position themselves to leave large amounts of droppings on my car.  Good thing I have an unlimited wash package down at the car wash.

I am tempted to take a likely limb from the tree to fashion into my own "Wonderboy" bat to beat burglars and trespassing midgets when the need arises. Alas, the wife won't play pepper and the boy retired from baseball at 16, so I have no sporting need for a homemade baseball bat. I guess I will store my bat limb with the rest of the wood from the tree until I can give it away, haul it away, or burn it in my fire pit.

Anyone want some free unseasoned firewood? You haul it, you can have it. *

Except for that one baseball bat shaped limb.

*Check local or ordinances before you leap...I did say it was an ash tree

May 15, 2015

Friday Music Updated

This is what I get for canning a post.

RIP BB King.

Friday Music

I'm not sure The Band has graced our Friday Music selection heretofore. I don't know why. Listen and dig it, man.

May 14, 2015

Channelling Mr. Rogers

It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood, even though it is off to a chilly start. Yesterday was the same as it began with temps in the forties and warmed to the mid-sixties. After work I trimmed some bushes and cleaned some old leaves moldering in the flower beds. I should have raked those out weeks ago, but such is life. There are no flowers there anyway, just a wide mulched area in front of the fence.  It needs re mulched but that will have to wait.

I fried up some chicken for super last night. Mashed spuds, gravy, biscuits, and green bean casserole completed the feast. True confession -- I am a bigot. I only like white meat when it comes to poultry. I don't wear a bed sheet or anything, but there you have it. Only the white meat of chickens and turkeys is allowed on my plate. Report my hate crime. At Thanksgiving the white meat and dark meat from the bird is segregated to separate but equal platters. Mea maxima culpa.

May 13, 2015


is there any statist, leftist, progressive, or liberal policy the current Pope does not support?  I would not be surprised if he was on board with the normal Leftist "ban religion" position.

I'm sure glad I'm not Catholic.  I would be pissed my tithe was going to pay for that horseshit.

May 12, 2015

Paging Mr. Asshole

Despite the impression you may form from reading these pages I do not enjoy getting angry. In fact, I am a pretty even-keeled guy. But, when I get pissed it turns ugly and usually pretty loud. My anger takes a bit to kick in, then it goes from zero to eleven in record time.

When we moved to the 'burbs we bought a whole kitchen of appliances from retailer H.H. Gregg. We bought the extended warranty, mostly because they discounted the cost of the appliances so that the warranty was practically free, but we still paid for it.

Last fall the "stove top is on" warning light ( it is a glass top electric range) came on and would not go off. After navigating through the phone mail hell, I finally got a service call scheduled; albeit three weeks out. They did not show up. I rescheduled. They did not show up. I said the heck with it.

My 'fridge has started making a popping sound when you open the left French door. So I navigated phone mail hell once again. I scheduled the range repair yet again and then told them about the door popping. The response was pretty much "too bad". According to H.H. Gregg, if it is not an electric or mechanical issue it is not covered. I told him it was clearly a mechanical issue. It did not make the noise when new. The right door does not make the noise, therefore there is something mechanically wrong with the hinge. The man says if it still cools food then the noise is not covered.

Mr. Asshole made an abrupt appearance. I called bullshit. I mentioned their failure to show twice as evidence of H.H. Gregg's worthless customer service, and coupled with this failure to honor the warranty makes me confident they will never get a penny from me going forward. The Supervisor started down the path of  'if the service company did not show up, my issue is with them'. I stopped that nonsense in the starting blocks. I don't care who H.H. Gregg hires to do the service work, my contract is with H.H. Gregg. Apparently mechanical issues only apply if the door actually falls off the hinge. Well fuck H.H. Gregg.  This is not finished.  I think I'll go to the store and make a scene. A loud "H.H. Gregg will not honor their extended warranty" in front of potential customers on a busy Saturday often has a strong effect. I often get my way.

About last night

We had some shredded pork BBQ in the freezer. I boiled some bow tie pasta and elbow macaroni together and made some macaroni salad. I deviled the extra eggs and thinly sliced some sweet onions and fried up a batch of onion rings. Nothing gourmet here, but still a feast.

I washed up the pans and ran the plates and cups through the dishwasher. I plopped on the couch to watch baseball while the wife did some laundry. I sat with her and watched a recording of last night's episode of "The Voice" before going to bed.

This morning I threw on yesterday's faded Cubs T-shirt. I could faintly smell the grease from the onion rings as it slid over my head. My morning coffee is hot. My wife is downstairs watching the morning news and playing with the baby. I am planning next week's business meetings. The sky has a fresh scrubbed look after yesterday's rain. This post has no point.

May 11, 2015

Do you eat smooth or crunchy peanut butter with jellyfish?

I hope you had a good weekend, I sure did. My daughter and SIL had to attend a wedding in NOLA so we had the granddaughter all weekend. She was wonderful. The weather was bits of rain and sun. We took the baby to see my Mom an Dad on Saturday.  Other than that I have nothing of note to report.

Perhaps something worthy of your time will occur to me later.  I would check back every fifteen minutes or so just to be safe.

May 10, 2015

Oh Mamma

Happy Mothers Day to all you Moms out there!

May 8, 2015

Be careful out there

Those words ended the roll call on the police drama "Hill Street Blues" twenty years ago. A cop in North Carolina, Matthew Kohrs, was burned by spilled coffee from Starbucks. Now he is suing the coffee chain because of the burns, medical bills, and emotional distress.

Hey Dude, coffee is made from boiling water. It is hot, it says so on the lid ever since some other dolt spilled coffee on her crotch and sued McDonalds. Worse, Starbucks gave Kohrs the coffee for free since he was a cop. Thank you indeed. If I owned a business I would stop Cop freebies.

Oh, his burns were so bad that he took time to drive home for pictures of the burns before going to urgent care.

I spilled coffee on my hand and all over the carpet a few months ago. I guess I should sue Keurig. My wife gets pissed every time she sees the stain. Now that is emotional distress.

Friday Music

Why not?

May 7, 2015


The Mayor of Baltimore has asked for a DOJ investigation of her police force. She sad in her statement that she believes there is a culture of excessive force, systemic behavior issues and a history of discrimination. If she believes this is the case, and she must or she would not seek outside investigators, why hasn't she fired the Police Commissioner and Police Chief? Better yet, since she is ultimately in charge, why hasn't  she resigned?  Harry Truman famously kept a sign on his desk claiming "the buck stops here".  Private companies fire heads of failing departments. Sports teams can the coach when performance is unacceptable. Democrat politicians just point fingers.

May 6, 2015

on my mind

Hard to believe it has been 35 years. Classic.

May 5, 2015

She caught the Katy, left me a mule to ride

I have done a lot of stuff in my 53 years on Earth. I've jumped out of perfectly good airplanes, dipped at least a foot in all 5 Great Lakes, visited foreign soil, kissed a girl and liked it. But until today I have never been to North Dakota. Strike that one off the old bucket list. The list of states not graced by my presence has dwindled to Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Alaska, and Montana. That means I have been to 51. Right Mr. President?

I know what you are thinking -- women want me, men want to be me. Or maybe you are thinking about that last cookie out in the kitchen. Maybe you are thinking about what ingredients go into enchilada casserole as you plan your Cinco de Mayo festivities. I confess, I don't know what you are thinking at all.

I do know what I'm thinking. You will never guess.

Have soapbox, will travel

If a lunatic Christian attacked an abortion clinic, would the Left claim the clinic had it coming by "provoking" the attacker? Is a hooker fair game for rape because she "provoked" an attack by her dress? Why are the folks in Texas at the draw a Mohammad cartoon contest part of a "hate group" when the true hate-filled folks are the ones who shot at people? The world is upside down.

I refuse to accept the term "hate speech". The First Amendment exists expressly to protect the words of those I most disagree with, be they Illinois Nazis (yo Blues Brothers), the KKK, Leftists, Muslim fanatics, Democrats, Liberals, Progressives, or those assholes who protest outside of military funerals. There is no unalienable right to never be offended.

May 4, 2015

about that

I have a big old bag full of nothing this morning.

Happy Star Wars Day.

May 2, 2015

sardonically speaking

I broke into my stash of good coffee this morning to celebrate nothing beyond The Maker's blessing of life on this sunny spring day. Some days call for more than Maxwell House.

I had weird dreams last night. I won't describe them. There is nothing more boring than reading about someone's dreams.

I had my windshield replaced yesterday. You need worry no more.

I need to win the lottery. I know the odds are on par with a miracle. This is especially true in that I never buy a ticket.

"Walden" is an unreadable piece of shit.

What happens if the prosecutor cannot prove those Baltimore cops purposely killed that drug dealer and they are acquitted?

Have a great Saturday. I intend to.

May 1, 2015

Friday Music

'Cause you asked and 'cause the weather is perfect

Oh and 'cause I may have learned how to post videos on my iPad.

dang it all

For the record, any Democrat that claims the Republicans have held up their agenda is not only dishonest, they are a damnable liar. The first two years of the Obama Presidency saw Democrats have a supermajority in Congress. With a filibuster-proof Senate the President and Democrats could have passed any legislation they wanted including gun control, amnesty, increased funding for everything, even tax increases on the rich, reparations, and cut the military to zero: had they desired.

Even after the Rublicans took back the House in 2010 they did not have the votes to roll anything back. Not that those Democrat-lite assholes would have anyway...

Facts are stubborn things.

It is a nice Friday, sunny with a promise of a warm afternoon.  I hate starting the day pissed. Politicians are the lowest form of life.
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