Waiter, There is a fly in my soup...

I enjoy dining out. I cannot afford to do it as often as I like, or at the fancy and expensive joints. I like my waiter to be friendly and attentive, yet not intrusive. Showing up every two minutes just interrupts the conversation. I usually tip well, the result of eating out on an expense account, I guess. I usually get great service when I am traveling. Lone men usually are on an expense account, plus the restaurant wants to clear out the one top. i have waitress friends that say they hate big parties of women because women are notoriously bad tippers. Ditto large parties because some people always think someone else will leave the tip, or that they can hide in the group. Here are some tips to get a nice tip from the old HB.

1. Fill up my glass when it is empty. I do not want to wait on a refill of a soft drink. If I have a beer or wine, ask if I would like another. Refill the water. I should never sit with an empty glass. I should not have to ask for a refill.

2. I do not care to have small talk about the weather, the Pacers, or IU. Be professional, explain the menu, take the order. Smile.

3. Do not sit down at my table.

4. Under no circumstances should I have to wait while you serve every table in the area before you bring my bill or return to get my money. If I am finished eating, ask me if I need anything else. I will then ask for the check. Just be cause I am done eating the service does not end. The tip is reduced as I have to wait for you to come and get my money / bring my change.

5. A general note, the restaurant should be comfortable for the customers not the staff. If I am too cold to eat, I will not come back. I realize that a cold restaurant encourages customers to linger less over their meal. Turnover, baby. There is a fine line here, and many chain restaurants are crossing it.

6. A local restaurant has been out of Coke the last two times we went there. How is that possible? Go to the store and buy some damn liters. If they cannot even manage to stock the basics, I am curious how well the kitchen is run.

7. Sometimes orders are mixed up and orders are lost in the kitchen. This happened over the weekend to me. After waiting for an hour for my food, I think an offer to at least pay for my soft drinks or a dessert would be nice. Just a "sorry it took so long" left me pissed off. This is the manager's responsibility. The waitress paid the price in her tip, when it was not her fault. I did not expect my meal free, but a token gesture would have mollified me.

Do the above and you will get a minimum 20% tip every time.