October 19, 2006

The Drain is Now Clear

I wrote the pitiful "poor me" post below yesterday afternoon. I did not post it until this morning, because I could not decide if I should. I may delete it later. I have already deleted two posts this week, the first posts ever.

I was sitting at the table this morning checking Emails and working a little when I realized I have, to quote a song from one of my favorite movies, "Plenty to be thankful for" (come on, anyone know what movie that is from?).

I am thankful I could make blueberry muffins last night. There are plenty in the world who are hungry and do not have the ability to stir up a couple boxes of Jiffy mix on a whim.

I am thankful I could have bacon and Cherry Pepsi for breakfast this morning. There are some who want to impose laws against the eating of pork. Personally, I think that is one reason the Islomofascists are so crazy. They do not get to enjoy the wonderful taste of bacon or barbecued pork chops. Plus they do not get beer or the opportunity to see nubile young women in tight jeans and T-shirts at the mall.

I am thankful the nutjobs mentioned above think so little of Indiana they did not even threaten top blow up our stadium this week. Having the team from the Nation's Capital was not even enough to get us noticed. Fuck em -- I will not target any of their cities in retaliation.

I really think Ralphd00d is right, there is just not much to post on these days. If I ain't interested how do I expect you to be? In any case, am I the only one sick of the political commercials? Good G-d, does anyone really buy the crap that the local Republican Representative is unfit for office because some crazy homo-pervert sent text messages to a page? How can the Democrat National committee produce such an ad with Stubbs, Frank, and Clinton in their ranks? Besides, I thought sex was none of our fucking business? Man, I hate hypocrites. In the same vein (you have to be local for this) does anyone really believe foreign countries are asking and begging for Dick Lugar to come and blow up their missiles? Besides, he is running for re-election to the Senate unopposed, why is he running ads anyway?

After I mowed on Sunday I was standing on the bridge looking at the creek and I saw a snake on the other bank. If you are new here I should explain I am wet-my-pants-scared of snakes. I hate them even more than Arabs who are trying to blow up football stadiums. It was curled up and looked to be about nine foot (or maybe about 12-14 inches) long. It was gray with darker gray patches on its side. The head had a little yellow tint. The serpent was maybe an inch or so in diameter. I am sure it was poisonous. I tried to look up pictures of snakes on the internet and I could not find a description or picture that fit this giant python living in my backyard. I am equally sure it is now plotting a way across the creek and into my bedroom, so it can hide under my bed. I threw a stick at it. I went to get my hoe (the garden tool not my wife -- hah!) so I could chop it up. The snake (king cobra?) was gone when I got back. I have warily searched for the little bastard every day since, but it is not to be found. I covered and filled a couple of crawdad holes with logs and sticks in case he is hiding there. I contemplated pouring Drano down the holes, but what if the poisonous snake where to jump up and wrap his anaconda sized scales around my neck while I was hunched over the hole? Did I mention I hate snakes?

Viva bacon, down with snakes and terrorists who want to ruin football. If you know how to get rid of the damn rattlesnakes in my yard let me know. I have not slept for a week without dreaming of killer serpents and it is getting to me. The evidence is the crybaby post below.

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