March 15, 2007

Just like Tippi Hedren

I think I have posted in the past about my loathing of all things avian. Birds are dirty and stupid. Robins and doves in particular get something in their pea-sized brains and that thought is locked for the duration.

At my old house we had a robin that decided to attack the window on the porch. Was he trying to fight his rival, did he think the other side was a perfect nesting space? Who knows, but for days he pecked on the same spot in the window dawn to dusk, leaving only when we opened the door or pounded on the window. H pecked himself bloody, yet never did he stop. He shit the porch and window sill to a white gooey mess in the process. The widow was a mess from slobber and piss and spit. He was like Poe's Raven, knocking and pecking on the window, never stopping. A pellet gun made that bird nevermore.

A few years later a pair of doves made a nest in the hanging flower pot on the same porch. By the time it was discovered eggs were laid. The wife would not let me destroy the nest. Watering the plant and leaving the front door became an adventure as the bird would fly right at your face. Every year until we moved we had to fight off the doves, who spent every waking moment trying to rebuild that nest -- every year, every day. Every morning I would tear out the nest. Every lunch I would destroy the work they had done. Evening, I was like the big bad wolf and the pigs -- I tore the dove's house down. They finally began to work at night and the pre-dawn hours. The worst was the constant whoo-it whoo whoo on the roof. We even quit hanging up a plant the last two summers, but they tried to build a nest on the porch rail. I put out a plastic snake and owl to finally get them to move across the street.

Now I have a robin obsessed with trying to move into the dryer vent in this house. I put up a screen, but I hate that since lint will eventually build up in there. That will mean regular trips up the ladder to make sure the vent is clear. The vent is about 20 feet up, btw. I watched the robin try and pull at the screen, luckily there is no perch so she literally has to take a flying leap at it. I am loath to shoot at it with the pellet gun, since if I miss I will hit the neighbor's house (I live on a corner).

I guess I will have to rely on the fucking snake that I know is hiding in my back yard to rid me of my bird problem.

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