April 23, 2007

Teach Your Children

I believe as a parent one of our duties is to teach our kids valuable life lessons, those skills that will serve them later in life. My two oldest are beyond listening to me for advice anymore. The youngest, at thirteen, is a fertile mind ready to be planted. Yesterday was a perfect day in Central Indiana and I used the day as an opportunity to teach the boy a new skill. I showed him how a delicate flip of the wrist on a spade could fling dog turds deep into the neighbor's yard. I demonstrated how to just get the front edge under the pile...What? No, I do not have a dog, they let their little barking yapper shit in my yard. Why should I clean it up? About one more week and I will throw it on their porch. Saturday, while they and their dog and little impressionable girls were playing in earshot I shouted to my boy "goddammit look at all of this dog shit in the yard". Will they get the hint? Do I care?

Anyway after I literally flung the shit, I sent the boy to put the shovel back in the shed. He came back all excited. He told me the neighbors were in their backyard when I was throwing dog turds all over their front yard. He quickly determined I did not care. He then told me he heard the neighbor exclaim to his wife "Wow, look at that big snake on his bridge".

It is on people, the serpent of death and I CANNOT coexist. I am open to any suggestions, but the snake leaves or dies. The only other option is I move (The wife votes for this -- but she does not know about the snake, she just hates the house). Help a brother here, dear readers. Tell me how to get rid of a snake and I will teach how to flip dog turds with a shovel. If you already have that skill I will teach you to throw a curve ball or a knuckle ball (but not both unless you come and kill the snake for me).

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