November 2, 2007

babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be
here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs.
Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said
the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave
everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and
perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can
really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
out
or Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several
different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be
pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in
my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five
minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said
Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins
turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult
to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I
finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?"
said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush
my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're
ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh
yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be
held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted.

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